1000 Ways to Die (season 3, 2011)

The TV show 1000 Ways to Die aired on the cable channel Spike.

Season	Episodes	Premiere date	Finale date
1	12	May 14, 2008 (2008-05-14)	April 5, 2009 (2009-04-05)
2	12	December 6, 2009 (2009-12-06)	February 24, 2010 (2010-02-24)
3 (2010)	42	August 3, 2010 (2010-08-03)	February 29, 2012 (2012-02-29)
3 (2011)	–	–	–
3 (2012)	–	–	–
4	8	March 12, 2012 (2012-03-12)	July 15, 2012 (2012-07-15)

Season 3

Episode 38: If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You

Originally aired January 5, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the answering machine greetings.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
501	Hats All Folks!	December 12, 1849	Danbury, CT	A hat maker's constant exposure to mercury (which he uses to felt hats) not only drives him to insanity, but also destroys his internal organs, causes metallicizing of the blood stream, destruction of the brain, and ultimately death.
937	Tone Death	October 17, 2009	Brooklyn, NY	An I-Dose dealer uses military subsonic equipment to amplify the hallucinogenic effects of his music for a new I-Dose file called "Satan's Jackhammer" and ends up dying from sonic pressure.
877	Caulk Blocked	April 25, 1998	New York, NY	A wannabe hip-hop queen and aspiring songwriter gets butt implants to get the attention of a male rapper who prefers women with large buttocks (and has dedicated a hit song to such women). Unfortunately, the surgeon she hired was a fraud, and her butt implants were made of common bathroom caulk instead of medical-grade silicon. The syringe the surgeon used accidentally hit an artery and sent the caulk into her circulatory system where it clogged her heart and led to cardiac arrest.
130	Deaf Jammed	October 19, 2008	Detroit, MI	A car thief who targets women gets his windpipe crushed and the blood supply to his brain cut off after his deaf target rolls up her car window with his head still stuck in the window.
448	Homie-Cide	July 31, 2004	East L.A., CA	A wannabe actor joins a Hispanic gang to get into character for an upcoming low-budget gang film. After surviving his final initiation and being accepted, he is struck by a cadaver thrown off an overpass by a rival gang, causing a skull fracture and fatal brain hemorrhaging.
320	OMG! SUV! R.I.P.	July 15, 2007	Burbank, CA	A con artist specializing in filing frivolous lawsuits deliberately breaks his leg while trying to get hit by a woman on her cell phone driving an SUV. She pulls over to help and finds him resting against the rear bumper of a car parked in front of her. When she accidentally knocks her SUV into neutral after getting back in to grab her cell phone, the car rolls forward and pins the man in between the two bumpers, crushing him.
172	Dead-Dy Dearest	May 25, 1994	Sandusky, OH	An extremely strict and overprotective father and former Army soldier scares his daughter and her boyfriend by firing a gun at her boyfriend after suspecting that the two are having sex. The father then remorselessly explains to his enraged daughter that the whole thing was a prank and that the gun is loaded with blanks, as he tries to demonstrate by aiming the gun at his head and firing. Ironically, he dies from getting shot in the head by the force of the blank hitting his temple.

Episode 39: The One About Dumb People Dying

Originally aired February 8, 2011

Note: starting with this episode, the death stories go through 2-3-2 episodes between commercial breaks rather than 2-2-2-1. Also, trivia segments were added between commercial breaks.

Title reference: Spoofs the episode titles of the TV series Friends.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
331	Wet Dream	January 1, 1986	Manhattan, NY	A man, who spent New Year's Eve at a party, snorting cocaine, donning women's clothes, and seducing two women into having sex with him, wakes up the next day, half-naked, smeared in make-up, and strapped to his water bed. As he screams, he kicks his stiletto-heeled feet, puncturing his water bed, which then leaks. The man keeps struggling until all the water from the leaking mattress engulfs and drowns him.
755	Mary Lou Rectum	February 12, 2010	Colorado Springs, CO	A very bitter gymnast who lost her chances at being an Olympic star practices in the gym for a Las Vegas show with her beleaguered partner. After belittling her colleague on her trampoline skills, she attempts to dismount off the trampoline herself. Unfortunately, she lands on top of one of the supports for the parallel bars (which was left out by a worker trying to fix the bars) between her rectum and vaginal opening and is fatally impaled.
365	Chung Kung Pow!	May 10, 2003	Tianjin, China	A Chinese crematorium worker steals the gold teeth from the body of a man who supposedly died from getting struck by lightning. In reality, the man was killed when a weather rocket launched in order to bring rain to drought-damaged land failed to detonate, fell back to Earth, and struck him in the chest. Once the cremation furnace is started, the rocket's explosive charge ignites and blows the hatch off with enough force to decapitate the worker.
513	Hot Shots Part Duh!	April 2, 2006	Phoenix, AZ	A couple return to their hotel room after stealing luggage from an airport. The man finds what appears to be a bottle of expensive rum in one of the cases (which belonged to a drug smuggler) and takes a drink, unaware it is actually liquid cocaine (a mixture of cocaine and kerosene). After he drinks the concoction, the man suffers spikes in his adrenaline and blood pressure and dies from cardiac arrest.
701	Steward-Death	April 9, 1998	30,000 Feet Over The Pacific	An extremely irritable and apathetic flight attendant on her last flight before retirement annoys passengers with her rude behavior. Suddenly, the top of the plane (which was weakened from years of metal fatigue) cracks and the woman is sucked out from explosive decompression. As she falls, the flight attendant gets exposed to high-speed winds that shred her skin, suffocates from the atmosphere's lack of oxygen, and freezes from the extreme cold of being 30,000 feet in the air, which kills before she even lands in the ocean. (This is based on the real-life Aloha Airlines Flight 243.)
274	Squirreled Away	May 3, 2003	Cooper's Creek, GA	A taxidermist, who regularly eats the meat of the animals he kills, dines on squirrel meat (served rare) unaware that the animal was infected with rabies. He contracts the virus, which invades his brain and causes him to die a slow, painful death over the course of several days.
870	Fatally Gourd	October 12, 2007	Moorpark, CA	A man and his buddies go pumpkin chunking using a homemade pumpkin cannon at his farm. Meanwhile, another man is attempting to steal pumpkins from the farm across the field where the pumpkins are supposed to land. One of the pumpkins from the cannon makes contact with the thief, and the stem of the pumpkin impales him through the heart.

Episode 40: Getting A Rise From The Dead

Originally aired February 16, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
298	Sign Offed	September 21, 2005	Ocean Beach, CA	A sign spinner has been showing off his skills to impress a woman at a nearby coffeehouse. A rival spinner shows up across the street, and the two start trying to outdo each other and win the barista's attention. After nearly getting hit by a passing car, the first spinner accidentally slashes his jugular vein with the edge of his sign (now jagged from repeated hits against the pavement) and bleeds to death.
512	Chef Boy-R-Dead	March 14, 2004	New York, NY	A sous-chef works hard to gain the trust of her domineering chef in an attempt to steal his PDA, which contains his recipes. When he leaves for the night, the sous-chef steals the PDA from the chef's pocket. Hearing a noise, the sous-chef drops the PDA and squeezes herself inside the restaurant's dishwasher. The chef returns, gets his PDA, and leaves again. Soon afterward, another employee turns the machine on, spraying the sous-chef with hot water that scalds her to death.
209	Par for the Corpse	October 29, 2009	Eugene, OR	In a parody of grindhouse-style zombie horror movie trailers, a teenage couple making out in a cemetery are scared off by a sickly, shambling man thought to be a zombie. The narrator then explains that the "zombie" is actually a dying cemetery groundskeeper with little respect for the dead suffering from a fatal allergic reaction to the fungicide he sprayed on the cemetery grass (which he unknowingly ingested by way of chewing on the golf tees he had in his mouth while using the cemetery as his personal golf course).
206	Dip N' Die	April 8, 2007	Arizona Border	An illegal immigrant-hunting vigilante is driving along the border, chewing tobacco. His truck suddenly hits a rock, causing him to bite his tongue while chewing tobacco, which triggers a bout of erectile glossitis and causes the man to choke on his swelling tongue.
178	Dead-Fella	September 19, 2004	Atlantic City, NJ	Two mobsters attempt to kill a third who plans on testifying against them in court. They stand in front of his car at opposite sides and attempt to shoot through the windshield. However, the car has been outfitted with bulletproof glass, and one shooter's bullet ricochets into the other's carotid artery.
555	Double-O-Severed	May 6, 2007	New York, NY	A spy committing corporate espionage climbs down a hotel's air duct to install a listening device outside the room which an important meeting is to take place there. His assistant nephew accidentally turns on the duct's fan, which catches the spy's rope and winds it up. The spy bleeds to death when the fan blades sever his legs.
441	Snakenstein	December 2, 1937	Berlin, Germany	An unethical scientist interested in reanimation is only able to bring animal parts back to life, using chemicals and electric current. When he experiments on it, a spasm in the muscles of a rattlesnake carcass causes the fangs to drive into his neck, injecting him with a lethal dose of venom.

Episode 41: Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death

Originally aired February 23, 2011

Title reference: Play-on words for the phrase used in the popular hide-and-seek game.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
231	Asphyxi-Asian	August 12, 2006	Tokyo, Japan	The narrator channel-surfs through a nature show and a home-shopping channel until he stops on a Japanese game show challenge featuring a mean-spirited and conniving female contestant donning scuba gear and swimming through hoops while collecting cantaloupes. The contestant dies of breathing in truck exhaust that wasn't filtered out of her oxygen tank and ends up drowning. The narrator points out that a story like that would make a great entry for 1000 Ways to Die.
246	Par-Gore	March 15, 2004	Detroit, MI	While racing up the outside of a building with his friends, an arrogant parkour-obsessed teen pushes one of them out of the way in order to win. On the roof, he rolls to recover from his last jump and impales his neck on an exposed pipe, severing his spinal cord and paralyzing the muscles that control breathing.
149	Dill-D'oh!	December 5, 2006	Kansas City, MO	A retired chemistry teacher who was sent to a nursing home by his greedy children (who, just so they could get his money, had him declared incapable of caring for himself) does demonstrations for the other residents, including one in which he uses a pickle to form a crude light. When he grabs the equipment to confiscate it, a mean-spirited nursing home aide completes a circuit that sends an electric shock through his heart and stops it.
671	Boobicide	February 27, 2000	Hoboken, NJ	A vain stripper suffering from back problems from her polypropylene breast implants takes oxycodone and alcohol to relieve her pain. She then climbs into a reclining rack and flips herself upside-down to further relax her back. Unfortunately, this causes her breasts to fall on her face and suffocate her, as she is too intoxicated to react or right herself in time.
677	Boweled-Out	June 13, 2005	Youngstown, OH	A softball player's abdominal hernia flares up during a game, so he pushes it back into place and keeps playing, not realizing that he has ruptured a nearby artery. On his next swing, the hernia erupts again and he dies from internal bleeding. (Based on the real-life story of baseball player Jim Creighton.)
412-E	Goon-Interrupted	December 18, 1998	Mental Hospital	A hitman feigns insanity and is sent to a mental hospital after his trial for murder. He then attempts to escape from his fifth-floor ward by climbing down a laundry chute, but the weight of the laundry dumped onto him from higher floors causes him to lose his grip. He falls 50 feet and lands on a concrete floor, suffering multiple injuries and dying instantly.
428	Doggie-Styled	March 29, 1997	Chester, GA	Two drunk duck hunters throw a lit stick of dynamite into a clump of bushes to flush out some ducks. Their dog, a yellow labrador retriever (who is telling the story), instinctively fetches the stick and brings it back, then runs off after an offscreen squirrel. The dynamite explodes, killing both hunters. (NOTE 1: This death features the Looney Tunes theme played in the background). (NOTE 2: Sam Elliott, who voiced the dog narrates the story, thus making it the only time prior to Season 4 to not be narrated by Perlman.)

Episode 42: Grave Errors

Originally aired March 2, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
786	Curl Up And Die	November 1, 1972	Beverly Hills, CA	A hairstylist, known for seducing his female clients with Quāāludes and vodka and still under the influence of the cocktail from a fling moments before, begins to work on his next client. The hairstylist passes out from the drugs and lands on the floor with his neck on top of a heated curling iron. As the curling iron burns through his neck, the dead tissue blocks the man's trachea and asphyxiates him.
281	Who-Ded?	September 16, 2005	New Orleans, LA	Two college-aged women disguised as disaster relief workers for Hurricane Katrina rob a church. Upon stumbling into the flooded basement, they step into the water and are immediately electrocuted by a severed power line under the water.
151	Crack Piped	January 2, 1903	New York, NY	Two tunnel-working scam artists, attempting to exploit the pneumatic tubing systems of the early banks, cut one of the tubes and stuff in a block of wood to catch the money capsules. As more capsules back up in the line and pressure builds, they pull the block out, causing the pipe to explode and inflict fatal shrapnel injuries to both men.
753	Thanks A-Clot	February 12, 2005	Cebu Island, Philippines	A psychic surgeon who scams the sick into believing he can cure them touches the mucus of a leper with a runny nose. Some time later, he contracts leprosy, and dies of a lung clot.
594	Odds are You're Dead	December 3, 2004	Mercer, NJ	Two loan sharks confront a scissor lift operator over a debt. When the operator refuses to come down, one of the sharks reaches in and cuts the hydraulic brake to the scissor lift, only to be decapitated when the lift comes crashing down too fast for him to get his head free.
405	Chemi-Killed	July 31, 2003	Bethesda, MD	A lab assistant, enraged by the rejection from her married co-worker who had sex with her and regretted it, goes on a rampage in the laboratory, destroying his latest experiment. She grabs a flask of sodium azide and smashes it into a sink full of water. The sodium azide converts to hydrogen azide gas, which burns the skin off her face and destroys her lungs.
327	I-Boned!	June 12, 2009	Cincinnati, OH	A cell phone addict annoying and infuriating others with her chatter at a movie theater dies when the defective battery in her phone short circuits and the phone explodes, sending shrapnel into her inner ear and brain.

Episode 43: Killing Them Softly

Originally aired March 9, 2011

Title references: Spoofs the popular song "Killing Me Softly with His Song" (or the Dave Chappelle comedy special Killing 'Em Softly).

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
894	Scam Eye Am (Dead)	March 21, 2003	Chicago, IL	A Nigerian scam artist attempts to scam a man using the "wash-wash" scheme, only for his intended victim to catch on and angrily run up to the scammer's hotel room. The scam artist is standing behind the door when the victim forces it open, driving its coathook into the scammer's eye and piercing his frontal lobe.
270	Contact Die	October 10, 2006	New Britain, CT	A co-ed attempting to seduce her way through chemistry class distracts her nerdy lab partner, who is mixing ammonia and hydrochloric acid. As she leans over the flask, the gas melts her contact lenses and fuses them to her eyes. As she blunders toward an emergency wash station, she trips on a cord and slides headfirst into a corner, breaking her neck.
427	Six Feet Plunder	September 17, 2002	Harrisburg, PA	A jealous man attempts to rob his wealthy brother's grave of the expensive jewelry he was buried with. After he digs too close to it, the headstone topples on top of him, pinning him on top of his brother's body and crushing him.
465	Guns N' Noses	December 14, 1992	Sierra Leone	After capturing and killing a diamond smuggler, a ruthless warlord celebrates by snorting "brown-brown" (cocaine laced with nitroglycerine-laced gunpowder). The tray holding the mixture is contaminated with diamond dust; when he snorts the mixture, the particles lacerate the warlord's arteries and travel to his heart, causing him to bleed to death.
95	Frequent Dier	November 2, 2006	Richmond, VA	An overly-intimate couple on an airplane flight decide to join the mile high club after being told by the stewardess that they cannot have sex in front of the other passengers. While the couple try to get in a comfortable position in the cramped bathroom, the plane hits a pocket of turbulence and the two are thrown violently around until they die of skull fractures and a broken neck.
180	Suck and Blown	August 24, 2007	Atlantic City, NJ	Attempting to siphon gas from a car, two men use an industrial vacuum to speed up the process. A spark from the vacuum motor's commutator ignites the gas and sets off an explosion that instantly kills them both.
744	Master E-Raced	April 11, 1945 (Technically some time in 1995.)	Starts in Nuremberg, Germany Ends in Brooklyn, NY	A Nazi military officer is shot in the head during World War II and left for dead, but survives with the bullet becoming lodged near a major artery in his brain. Half a century later, he bumps his head against his refrigerator, jarring the bullet enough to sever the artery and cause a fatal hemorrhage.

Episode 44: Better Them Than Us

Originally aired March 16, 2011 Note: This is the fifth episode not to feature the death of a female.

Title References: The phrase "Better them than us"

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
615	Macdeath	March 16, 1999	Boise, ID	A retired dot com company millionaire and current narcissistic owner of a theater assigns himself as the lead role in a play he's producing. While he is doing a flying scene, the holster holding him up is unable to hold his weight and breaks. The frayed edge of the cord then unwinds and races through the system of pulleys at over 700 miles per hour, passing through the air and slashing the man's jugular vein.
368	Cloudy With A Chance of Pain	June 22, 2009	Moscow, Russia	A Russian pimp is preparing to leave with one of his prostitutes. She gets in the car, but locks herself inside when the car is pelted with cement bricks from a failed cloud seeding operation. As he struggles to get in the car, the pimp is brained by a chunk of cement.
895	Pop Goes The Cholo	August 25, 2008	Albuquerque, NM	Two street gang members take a third to a back alley doctor to treat a bullet wound to the chest. The gang leader ends up pistol-whipping the doctor into unconsciousness after losing his patience. With the doctor out cold, the gang members decide to do the operation themselves, but fail after inserting the tracheal tube down the injured member's esophagus, rather than the trachea, and end up hemorrhaging the injured member's stomach by filling it with air and causing it to explode.
205	Flame Retard-ant	July 6, 2005	Burnside, KY	A pyromaniac attempts to set a tree ablaze after dousing it with gasoline. Unfortunately, he gets gasoline on his pants and ends up in flames. He is quick to jump into the adjacent river, but the melting of his muscles and cartilage cause shock and paralysis and he drowns.
245	Rocky Roadkill	September 2, 2007	Riverside, CA	A drug dealer doing business out of an ice cream truck is mugged by a meth addict. The driver manages to escape, but when he encounters a sharp turn, the freezer topples over and leaks chlorofluorocarbon into the truck. The dealer blacks out from inhaling the refrigerant and slams into a tree, the impact of which ruptures his aortic valve and causes exsanguination.
404	Straight To DVDead	December 6, 2005	Hollywood, CA	Two men are reenacting a 1775 Revolutionary War duel for a low-budget film. One man, a former criminal-turned-wannabe actor who was passed up for the lead role, plots to kill the other, so he slips a lead ball into the gun chamber to make the death seem like an accident. When he fires it, however, the gun explodes due to an excessive amount of gunpowder, blowing his hand off and sending shrapnel into his femoral artery, resulting in his death from blood loss.
348	My Big Fat Greek Death	560 BC	Athens, Greece	Perillos of Athens, a metalworker, is attempting to impress King Phalaris with the unveiling of a new torture device: the brazen bull, which is meant to roast enemies that are placed inside. To test the device, Phalaris locks Perillos in the device and cooks him to death.

Episode 45: Dead Before They Know It

Originally aired March 23, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
317	SP-Effed	April 26, 2004	Las Vegas, NV	A young woman who always borrows her roommates' belongings and never asks mistakes psoriasis cream for moisturizer before stepping into her roommate's new tanning bed (which no one is allowed to use). The psoralen in the cream, activated by the tanning bed's ultraviolet radiation, gives her massive second degree burns all over her body and next day, she collapses on her horrified roommate and dies of heart failure and severe dehydration.
127	Ji-Had It Coming	September 24, 2006	Afghanistan	An award-winning American reporter falls in love with a Taliban leader, renounces her U.S. citizenship, converts to Islam, and marries him. She celebrates by firing off several rounds of an AK-47 into the air during her wedding to fit in with the crowd, but loses control of the gun and dies when one of the bullets hits a metal pitcher and ricochets into her skull, instantly killing her.
264	Crate and Buried	August 15, 2004	Darfur, Sudan	Two thieves in Sudan steal supply crates needed for refugees. As they celebrate, they suddenly get crushed by a falling, two-ton supply crate that had a faulty parachute.
458	Lost in Transfusion	May 16, 2002	Chicago, IL	In order to beat a company drug test, a cocaine-addicted crane operator injects himself with blood that matches his type, stolen by his girlfriend who works as a hospital cook. Unfortunately, he is too high on cocaine to listen when she tries to warn him to warm the blood before injecting it. He stores the blood in the refrigerator overnight before injecting it in the bathroom moments before his drug test. Once the cold blood enters his heart, the man is killed in seconds from fibrillation and tachycardia.
678	Arriva-Deadci	September 8, 2008	Rochester, NY	A mobster on parole is granted permission to be on a work release program, but slacks off and orders his co-workers to do his work for him. When she visits him, the mobster tricks his parole officer into thinking that he is doing as he's told and moves a dumpster. However, he gets distracted when he sees his co-worker talking to his parole officer about his job performance and forgets to lock the wheels on the dumpster, which ends up rolling down the hill and pinning him against a second dumpster. The mobster is killed when the sharp end of the first dumpster punctures his abdomen and extrudes his intestines from his body.
402	Miss-ur Head	March 6, 1925	Marseille, France	A French criminal is executed via guillotine. His head is studied by a scientist out to prove that the guillotine is an inhumane form of capital punishment by showing officials that the victim who died still shows some signs of life after being decapitated. (This is one of the few deaths not resulting from stupidity or unusual circumstances; rather, it is an experimental procedure examining a means of capital punishment.)
247	Eye-Sick-Kill	November 29, 2008	Cedar Springs, MI	A perverted stoner gets fired from his job as a mall Santa after two of his female elves report him for sexual harassment. As the man bangs on the door to get his boss to let him in, an icicle falls from the roof's edge. The man looks up just in time for the icicle to impale him in his eye and through his brain.

Episode 46: Stupid Is As Death Does

Originally aired March 29, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the saying "Stupid Is as Stupid Does". (Second episode to do so; first was "Stupid is as Stupid Dies.)

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
219	Chairway to Heaven	November 20, 2003	Milwaukee, WI	A deadbeat father who abandoned his family to "find himself" (an act so heinous even the narrator says he wants to kill the man) gets drunk with his friend while setting up his new house, ignoring his wife and children's pleadings for him to return home. He brings in a pilot seat from a Soviet fighter jet, unaware that it still works. He pulls the lever on the seat and is launched 10 feet into the air, crushing his skull against the roof.
623	Eye Swallow	February 14, 2008	Berkeley, CA	An acrotomophiliac has sex with a woman who lost her arm in a car accident and has a glass eye. The woman puts her eye in a glass with water before continuing. When they are done, she runs to use the shower and the man takes a drink from the glass with the eye, and chokes to death when he accidentally swallows her glass eye.
255	The Depart-Dead	March 25, 1991	South Boston, MA	A group of white, teenage wannabe-gangstas from South Boston play a drinking game called Edward Fortyhands, in which drinkers have beer bottles taped to their hands and they can do nothing (smoke, urinate, leave the room, etc.) until the beer bottles are empty. One of them spits a half-lit cigar under a couch, which starts burning the flammable synthetic stuffing, releasing hydrogen cyanide into the room. Because they cannot open the door, they suffocate on the fumes.
621	Spyanide	April 17, 1943	Norfolk, VA	A treacherous American spy working for the Nazis has a short meeting in a park. After that meeting, an American tries to return his notebook that he left behind. Thinking the American returning his notebook is out to get him, the spy takes his own life by swallowing cyanide pills. (This is the second intentional suicide in the series).
126	Game Stopped	October 4, 2008	Mattituck, NY	A video game addict plays for 60 straight hours trying to take down his opponents and become the highest-ranked player in the world. When his last opponent, a woman, defeats him at the last second, he furiously stands up, then drops dead, unaware that his leg veins had formed clots from being sedentary for so long and now the clots had moved into his heart and lungs. (Rather than using CGI graphics for the explanation, this death uses 8-bit sprite graphics in the style of the classic 1981 arcade game Donkey Kong.)
305	Moving Violation	July 9, 1994	Evanston, IL	Two ex-cons hired as moving men are helping a woman move out of her house. One of the movers steals a glass crystal flower. While they are packing the boxes in the truck, the van accidentally moves forward, and the man who stole the flower gets crushed by a falling box, which pushes the flower into his heart.
193	Art Attack	June 11, 2006	New York, NY	A pervert posing as a French artist tries to seduce women but gets rejected by one of his targets. In a rage, the man punches a "sculpture" he had made from a butterfly bomb, which sends shrapnel into his body.

Episode 47: That's "Mister Death" To You

Originally aired July 11, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the title show Mister Ed.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
275	Any Given Gunday	November 25, 2004	Los Angeles, CA	A "jersey chaser" (a groupie who likes to seduce professional athletes) sleeps with a pro football player. What with a concussion he endured during one of his games, the player wakes up with no memory of sleeping with the jersey chaser and becomes paranoid over someone out to rob him of his money (which is the reason why he has guns hidden in his house). He calms down when he finds the jersey chaser making him breakfast in the kitchen, until she turns on the stove, which contains a gun hidden inside. The gun is heated up and fires into the woman's skull.
592	Descent Of A Woman	October 20, 2008	Tucson, AZ	A germophobe with obsessive-compulsive disorder falls off a ladder while cleaning and lands on a mirror, breaking it. One shard enters her armpit, tearing open her axillary artery but also plugging the hole; when she later pulls the shard out, the hole reopens and she quickly bleeds to death.
646	Scarf-Face	January 11, 2009	Pakistani Border	A terrorist attempting to escape from prison abstains from eating for weeks until he is thin enough to slip through the bars of his cell door. After escaping, he gorges at a feast, but dies from refeeding syndrome.
174	Dog Dead Afternoon	February 10, 2006	Little Rock, AR	A dog thief uses a tranquilizer dart on a pit bull. When he shows up, the thief waits for a security guard to leave, but the guard falls asleep. When he awakes, the thief tranquilizes the guard, and the guard falls in front of the gate. Simultaneously, the pitbull awakens and attacks the now trapped thief, crushing his neck and causing blood to go into his trachea. (based on a similar scene from Suspiria).
213	Crappy Ending	July 18, 2007	Bangkok, Thailand	An American tourist visits an erotic massage parlor. During the session, however, he is unable to remain aroused, as he has visited a number of other parlors, and blames this on a strange buzzing sound within the walls. His frustrated masseuse removes an electrical outlet to check it out and flees in terror when an Asian giant hornet flies out and stings her client. The man kills the hornet but its pheromones attract the rest of the swarm, which proceed to sting the tourist to death.
439	Chain Gang Banged	June 23, 2007	Maricopa, AZ	Two prisoners on a chain gang attempt to escape by jumping into the bed of a passing pickup truck. When the chain of their leg irons gets wrapped around the truck's hitch, they are dragged along the ground and killed from blood loss and multiple bone fractures.
715	Withdrawn	March 4, 2003	Chicago, IL	A robber with a C-4 bomb collar around his neck holds up a bank, pretending to be a victim who was forced by other criminals to do it. As the police confront the man and try to help him, a shaken teller flees for her car, unlocking it with her wireless key. Since the wireless key and the bomb's detonator were set to the same frequency, the robber's head explodes. (This is based on the death of Brian Douglas Wells, who was also killed with a bomb collar.)

Episode 48: Death, The New Black

Aired July 18, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
147	Splat-formed	September 5, 1977	Harlem, NY	A cocaine dealer (who was also addicted to the drug he sold) goes to a disco to show off his moves and have fun. When he trips in his platform shoes, the spearheaded end of his male symbol necklace pierces his jugular vein, and he bleeds to death faster than normal as the cocaine and dancing had given him a rapid heartbeat.
325	Who Fart-Dead?	November 10, 2008	Seattle, WA	A group of sorority pledges enter a sauna contest, in which the one who can stay in the longest gets to skip Hell Week. One pledge (who is rich) has been eating beans and broccoli for a week, giving herself severe gas. Her continuous farting forces all the other pledges to flee the sauna in disgust, but before she can get out, she dies from dehydration, high core body temperature, and second/third degree burns all over her body.
237	Him-Paled	May 10, 2008	Philadelphia, PA	A pervert uses his camera phone to get upskirt photos of women. While he is standing behind a woman who is wearing a skirt with no underwear at a streetside coffee vendor, the woman freaks out and the construction worker standing next to her goes to confront the pervert. Meanwhile, another construction worker 8 stories up trips over a sandbag and lets go of a piece of rebar with falls from the sky and impales the pervert from his shoulder through his heart.
309	Jablowni	June 2, 2006	West Deptford, New Jersey	An arrogant twenty-something bodybuilder orders his beleaguered girlfriend to inflate a pool raft. After she gets fed up and dumps him, he inflates the raft with flammable tire sealant and throws it in the pool. Once he climbs on, he lowers his arm and the cigarette makes contact with the raft and explodes after the ashes pop the raft and ignite the tire sealant. The force of the explosion is so intense, it ends up cracking his skull and causing brain hemorrhage.
213-A	Ass-Hoppered	April 20, 2010	Humboldt County, CA	Two men in rural California attempt to grow marijuana for money, but end up smoking their stash. The two get "the munchies," but having no food, one man decides to eat a grasshopper. Unknowingly allergic to a protein in the bug's exoskeleton, he goes into anaphylactic shock and dies when his throat swells shut.
497	Ball Sacked	October 3, 2007	Coalville, WV	An angry football coach has been reduced to working at a small-town high school after being fired for cheating. As he tries to toughen up his players in an outlawed "Bull Ring" drill, the coach gets hit by a player and stumbles from the hit and into the path of a kicker's kick, which hits him in the groin. The kicker was given lead insets in his cleats just before practice and the force of the kick causes the coach's pelvis to shatter and a piece of bone to lodge into his kidneys and give him a fatal case of septic shock.
306	Big Boned	December 17, 2004	Reno, NV	Two drunken insurance salesmen crash an "inner beauty" pageant for plus-sized women. One of the men heckles the contestants by mooing and making fat jokes. The three finalists step out on the end of the runway (which was not meant to hold their weight) to yell at him. The runway support snaps and all three women, who weigh 997 pounds (452 kg) combined, fall on the heckler and crush him to death.

Episode 49: Death Be a Lady Tonight

Aired July 25, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the popular jazz standard song "Luck Be a Lady". In addition to this, three of the casualties are females.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
745	Half-Offed	July 15, 2001	Reno, NV	An obnoxious, impatient executive bullies his way through a taxi line and steals the cab from a woman with several bags, demanding the ride is his. As he argues with the woman and the bellhop, a tow truck speeds by with a loose hook and the hook gets caught in the taxi's trunk, pinning the man against the cab and quickly bisecting him.
459	Smoke Stalked	March 8, 2004	Holbrook, AZ	A psychotic woman stalks her newly married ex-boyfriend and his happy wife to the point that her invasions become threatening. Desperate to take their minds off the stalker, the couple go on vacation, during which the stalker tries to break in through the chimney and gets stuck. Trapped for a week, she slowly dies of a mix of starvation, dehydration, and suffocation until her body is finally rescued by her returning boyfriend, noticing her corpse is preventing him from starting a fire in the flue.
619	Sudden Death	July 21, 2006	Emmett, MI	A fantasy football fanatic annoys everyone at a sports bar with his repeated yells at players and shouting out how many points they gained or cost him in his fantasy league. When he tries to change the shown game to another more favorable one, he triggers a bar fight and manages to slip off, only for a piece of a shattered beer mug to fly towards him and pierce through his neck, slicing his jugular vein and carotid artery, causing him to bleed to death within moments.
271	Raider of the Lost Narc	February 22, 2002	Sterling, CO	A junkie, desperate for her fix, calls in a bogus 911 call, sending a hospital's paramedics speeding out. Hiding behind a dumpster and watching the ambulances head out, she quickly rushes in through the open garage door and pockets several bottles of morphine before trying to rush back out through the closing door. But she drops a bottle, and as she reaches back to try to retrieve it, she is crushed by the garage door (which had a broken safety shutoff switch).
324	Bats All Folks	May 22, 2005	Hohhot, China	An unscrupulous antiquities trader and tomb raider sneaks into a cave and steals a 1-millennium-old warrior statue, only to awaken a colony of bats. One of the bats bites the tomb raider in the neck, infecting him with the SARS virus, which kills him a fortnight later.
257	Pimp My Death	April 3, 2005	Washington, D.C.	A hooker charms her way into a desperate married man's hotel room on the pretense of finding him attractive. But when she reveals her profession and insists on $2,000 for the night, the man refuses to pay leading to her calling her pimp. When the man arrives, she uses their confrontation as a chance to take the $2,000 from the man's wallet, then tries to hide in the bathroom to be able to make her getaway, only for her boss to shove the man into her, causing her to fall into the edge of a marble sink and split her head open.
370	Drone Boned	November 5, 2008	Korengal Valley, Afghanistan	A pair of terrorists who have killed American soldiers with rifles and homemade bombs hide out in an abandoned building. Meanwhile, in Nevada, an American pilot (and former video game master) uses a predator drone to flush out the terrorists. The drone finds its way into the abandoned building and fires a missile at its target. The missile explodes, blowing up the two terrorists, and leaving nothing left but a severed hand.

Episode 50: Today's Special: Death

Aired August 1, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
406	Weld Done	May 25, 2009	Scranton, PA	A woman lies about her welding experience so she can get a job. When he discovers she had lied, her boss fires the woman. To prove her ability and get revenge, she welds her boss's car door shut and runs to her van, throwing her equipment into the back. The rough handling causes the gas cylinder's valve to open, filling the van with flammable gas. When she uses her keyless remote, the van's battery generates a spark that ignites the gas, causing an explosion that kills her.
450	That's A Morte!	June 25, 1580	Verona, Italy	An Italian statesman suspects his wife of being unfaithful and puts her in a chastity belt to keep other men away from her. One of the woman's lovers comes up with a plan to slip off the belt by soaking her in a tub of oil and water. The belt comes off and the two have sex. This process is repeated for several days, causing scratches on the woman's skin from the rust on the belt, which gives her a fatal tetanus infection.
412-F	Gang Banged	September 8, 1928	Little Italy, NY	A son of a black market booze dealer enters a steam room in a bathhouse with a gun hidden under a towel in order to kill the man who executed his father. When he draws his weapon, the gunman slips on his seat and fires a bullet into a steam pipe, rupturing it. The man falls in front of the break, which sprays him with 350 °F (177 °C) steam, and he quickly dies as half of his face melts.
326	Smother-In-Law	March 5, 2007	Muncie, OH	A meddlesome, shrewish, overweight woman angers her daughter-in-law by nagging her about her son's food preferences. After getting slapped in the face for a snide comment, the wife leaves the kitchen. The mother-in-law tries to take a frozen pizza out of the freezer, but the box is wedged between other groceries, and the force of the mother-in-law's tugging sends the refrigerator crashing down on her. The sharp end of the freezer door pierces her throat while the rest of the refrigerator crushes her body.
618	DWI: Dying While Intoxicated	December 9, 2003	Palm Springs, CA	A drunk divorcee is chosen by her equally drunk and equally divorced friends to go to the liquor store for more drinks, but her car is impounded and her license is suspended from a DUI charge. The woman decides to drive a riding mower instead. When she runs through a stop sign, a police officer pursues her. During the slow-speed chase, the woman tries to lose the officer by driving on a lawn, but hits a rock and falls off the mower. Too stunned and drunk to react in time, the woman is run down by the mower and shredded to death.
73	Vertigo, Going, Gone	April 23, 1998	Louisville, KY	When he gets fired, an ill-mannered, incompetent office worker vows revenge on his boss. He waits for her atop an oak tree, intending to shoot her, but is unaware that he is severely allergic to the tree's pollen. After missing the shot, he becomes paralyzed from his allergy and falls out of the tree, dying of a skull fracture.
440	Tea Bagged	July 22, 2009	Small Town, USA	A highly inexperienced female politician holds a rally to become mayor under the Tea Party ticket. In her excitement, the woman suffers a hemorrhagic stroke and collapses on the bayonet of her prop musket, which pierces her from under the chin through her brain.

Episode 51: Eat Pray Die

Aired August 8, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the popular movie Eat Pray Love.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
500	Ich Bin Ein Stoner	October 26, 1384	Cochem, Germany	A medieval witch hunter goes mad after eating grains infected with ergot. The superstitious townspeople use a method that the witch hunter used on a village woman who was accused of witchcraft: pricking a mole on the accused's body (if it bled, the accused was deemed innocent; otherwise, the accused was deemed a witch). The witch hunter's mole does not bleed and he is sentenced to death by stoning. The witch hunter is killed when a stone hits him in the head and cracks his skull.
449	Another Up The Butt Story	August 17, 2009	Las Vegas, NV	A drunk bachelor attempts to rape a stripper (who was used as a human sushi bar) at his bachelor party. Fighting him off, the stripper pushes him onto the toilet and he leans on the flush mechanism. Abnormally high pressure in the tank causes the porcelain lid to fly onto the floor and shatter, and the bachelor slips onto a shard of porcelain, which pierce his colon and intestinal tract and causes him to bleed to death.
189	Poly-Ass-Turd	October 7, 2003	Twin Falls, ID	A fraudulent self-help guru holds an outdoors seminar for people with low self-confidence, which includes a test in which the patients have to walk over a bed of hot coals. When they complains the coals are too hot, the guru attempts to prove the patients wrong and walk over them himself. However, he falls and is caught ablaze, with his polyester suit melting onto his skin, causing fatal burns.
79	Shoots & Ladders	May 9, 2004	Melbourne, FL	Annoyed by it, an old man who loves watching reruns of The A-Team and hates anyone who interrupts his viewing time, shoots his neighbor's barking dog with a pellet from a slingshot. While he is putting the slingshot back in the attic, however, a screw falls out of the ladder he is using, and he slips, falling backward and smacking his head against the hardwood floor. He dies from brain damage, stopping his heart and breathing.
487	E-I-E-I-Oww!	June 1, 2005	Pullman, WA	Two delinquents are sentenced to a work release program on a farm after they got caught for grand theft auto. One of the delinquents picks up a captive bolt pistol, thinking it is a pump to a milking machine. The farmer's daughter warns him not to play with it, but he points it at her saying that he wants milk. Still thinking that it's a pump, the delinquent uses the captive bolt pistol on his own chest, piercing his heart.
769	Bush Defeated	March 23, 1999	Nelson, VA	A woman with a large mound of pubic hair is rejected by her lover due to her amount of hair extremities, and to appease her lover for sex, decides to get rid of it by clipping, shaving, and waxing it off herself. While waxing, she accidentally removes some skin from the labia, allowing an infection of necrotizing fasciitis to set in and kill her a fortnight later from blood poisoning and organ failure.
419	Skid Marked	March 12, 2006	St. Petersburg, FL	A group of car thieves are practicing "ghost riding the whip" (putting the car into gear and dancing alongside it) with a stolen SUV. One of them attempts "The Circle," which involves making the car ride in a tight circle while standing atop it. The SUV hits a parking chalk, knocking the rider from the roof of the SUV. Before he can get up again, the SUV comes around and runs over the rider's legs and breaks them. The SUV comes around and crushes his head.

Episode 52: Wait, Don't Tell Me – You're Dead

Aired August 15, 2011 but first appeared on Spike's website on July 26.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
804	Fire In The Hole	July 16, 2002	Florida State Prison	A Neo-Nazi jail inmate attempts to escape by having his moronic friend get himself arrested while carrying a hand grenade in his rectum. Once in jail, the friend has trouble extracting the grenade, so the Neo-Nazi tries to get it out himself. In doing so, he pulls out the pin, setting off an explosion that instantly blows out the friend's guts (and also kills the Neo-Nazi, as he was standing quite close to it).
65	Somewhere Over the Railing	December 15, 2007	Durham, NC	On a 24-hour-live web show, a prankster hides an airbag under a chair's seat and tries to get her friend to sit on it. The friend declines, having fallen victim to repeated pranks, and accidentally pushes the prankster onto the chair. The airbag deploys, throwing her over a stair railing; she hits the ground on her head, breaking her neck and severing her spinal cord so that she dies instantly, much to the horror of her roommate.
329	Muffed Dive	May 13, 2003	Dubuque, IA	A former Olympic diver, kicked off the national team for abusing drugs, now works as a manager at a municipal pool, where he's more interested in impressing MILFs, single cougars, and middle-aged divorcees than actually doing work. While out on a date with one of his targets, he dives into the pool, but hits his head on a floating chlorine dispenser, causing death from head trauma and drowning.
328	Treadkill	June 17, 2003	Birmingham, AL	A voyeur spies on his hot next door neighbor and her boyfriend while exercising on his treadmill. He unknowingly increases the speed of the treadmill and falls, with his hoodie string catching on the cup holder. It tightens around his neck, cutting off blood and air from his brain and he is choked to death.
86	Bush Whacked 2: South of the Border	July 29, 2007	Juarez, Mexico	Two drug haulers who have stolen over $8 million worth of drugs from their drug lord attempt to hide from him in a nearby bush as he drives by. Unaware that the bush is actually Firestick, they become blind and inflamed from the acidic sap the bush secretes. The two men are forced out due to the fire stick, and without cover, they are easily spotted. The boss's body guard shoots one bullet into the chest of each man.
173	Leave it to Seizure	October 12, 2004	Boston, MA	A stripper who pickpockets her customers has a grand mal seizure while dancing in her cage under the strobe lights, resulting in her biting the tip of her tongue off, swallowing it, and choking to death.
318	Dia De Los Morons	October 31, 2009	Kingsport, TN	Two teenaged trick-or-treaters decide to play pranks on people by vandalizing their property and shooting each other with silly string. After he lights a bag of dog feces on fire to leave on a neighbors' doorstep, one accidentally lights the silly string on his body, which in turn ignites his polyester costume, quickly burning him to death.

Episode 53: Death – The Gift That Lasts Forever

Aired August 22, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
591	Trip to the Maul	September 10, 2003	Bozeman, MT	A man takes his mistress into the woods to have sex to escape his wife, but suddenly, he goes blind from vasoconstriction (temporary or permanent blindness from sexual intercourse). The now-blind man stubbles out of the tent, and runs afoul of a grizzly bear, which mauls him.
826	Gory Holed	October 16, 1995	Trenton, NJ	A dirty elderly man gets Internet installed on his computer so he can go on online sex chatrooms. While on one of these chatrooms (posing as a younger man while another dirty old man poses as an eighteen-year-old blond model), the man impatiently bounces on his computer chair while waiting for the Internet page to upload. (He had a dial-up modem.) The chair collapses from under him, lodging a broken piece into his rectum and causing internal bleeding.
468	Died-Zilla	April 12, 2008	Middlebury, VT	After snorting bath salts from her gift baskets for days on end, a cheating bride-to-be (who had previously been in rehab for a drug addiction) gets hyperthermia due to the chemical MDPV in the bath salts, and collapses at the altar, to the relief of her groom-to-be.
334	U.P.F'D	December 1, 2003	Olympia, WA	A former mailman who was forced into early retirement now steals packages in front of people's houses. He steals a box from the doorstep of a prominent judge, opens it, and gets hit in the face with anthrax that was set up on a jack-in-the-box-style mechanism. The bacteria kills the man a week later.
992	I'll Sleep When I'm Dead	August 22, 2002	Cleveland, OH	A man suffering from fatal familial insomnia takes a night drive and accidentally hits and kills a pedestrian. After he gets home, he cleans his car, but his guilty conscience only worsens his insomnia. Instead of turning himself in for manslaughter and hit and run, he drives to a sleep clinic. Unable to be cured and frightened from hallucinating his victim's face, he lies awake for months on end and eventually dies of a massive stroke.
325-A	Kitchen Sunk	May 14, 2003	Echo Park, CA	An untalented musician refuses to fix a clogged sink after being asked by his girlfriend. After she comes back, he finally helps his girlfriend. With no idea what to do, he turns on the garbage disposal after nothing else he tries works. His long beard gets sucked into the disposal, pulling his face into the murky dish water, and drowning him.
460	Blast Call	March 11, 2009	Chicago, IL	A demolition worker short on cash for booze draws a bull's-eye on his stomach and challenges anyone to chuck darts at it in exchange for free drinks. As the game continues, the man gets so drunk that he collapses and suddenly blows apart when he hits the floor. The demolition worker had forgotten about a quarter-stick of dynamite he had in his pocket, hooked to a blasting cap; the impact from the fall set off the cap, detonating the dynamite.

Episode 54: Death: One Size Fits All

Aired August 29, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
190	Handi-Crapped (second segment to get that title)	July 24, 2001	Flint, MI	A man in a mobility scooter and a neckbrace bullies other coworkers and regularly threatens to sue his company for causing his injury. One day, he doesn't lock his door properly, and one of his coworkers walks in on the man taking off his neckbrace and discovers that he's been faking his injuries. The man chases after his coworker on his mobility scooter to keep her from ratting him out to his boss, but the co-worker loses him in a waiting elevator. The man plows through the elevator doors and ends up plummeting to his death down the empty elevator shaft.
293-A	Frost-Dead	June 3, 2002	Springfield, IL	A bumbling cryopreservation engineer who has been known to inject standard anti-freeze into his clients (instead of the usual preservation material to prevent freeze damage) dies after breathing in pure liquid nitrogen from a tube that had come loose from a cryogenic tank he never fixed.
242	Slippery When Dead	September 1, 1998	Beaver Dam, KY	A feared hot oil wrestler accepts a challenge from her rival (whom she once defeated by cheating) for a $500 cash prize. During the match, the oil wrestler beats her rival once again, but then slips and impales her skull on a boxing ring bell.
163	Driver's Dead	March 10, 2005	Charlotte, NC	A very stressed-out and impatient driver's ed teacher flusters one of his students so badly that she steps out of the car and goes to report him to his supervisor. The driver angrily pounds on the steering wheel and accidentally triggers the airbag, which deploys and hits his neck with so much force that his trachea collapses.
881	Slayer's Cake	April 13, 2006	St. Charles, MD	A bakery owner fires her incompetent brother-in-law after days of putting up with his apathy, unhygienic habits, and lack of professionalism. Before he leaves, he decorates several cakes with shocking and slanderous messages in revenge. The man then steps out, and ends up slipping and falling on his cake-decorating syringe, which lodges in his chest and pumps enough icing into his heart for the man to suffer a massive heart attack.
240	Miner Injuries	March 20, 1920	Fayette, WV	A greedy, apathetic mine boss yells at his workers when they tend to one of their own who has been injured, then warn the mine boss that there may be methane. The boss ignores the warning and takes a pickaxe to the side of a mine wall. The sparks cause an ignition and causes an explosion, sending rocks into the mine boss's skull.
785	My Chemical Romance	August 8, 2003	Bullhead City, AZ	A scamming couple posing as a toxic waste disposal company transport barrels of 2,4-Dichlorophenol at a local dump. When the boyfriend complains about dumping, the girlfriend takes over and dumps the waste herself. She then trips on a discarded toilet and gets a mouthful of the toxic sludge from the barrel, filling her lungs and killing her from a combination of drowning and poisoning.

Episode 55: Special: Death By Request (The Deathies)

Aired October 24, 2011

Category	Runner Up A	Runner Up B	First Place	Original Episode of Winner
Sexiest Death	Blood Bath & Beyond	Gum's The Word	Washed And Fried	Episode 20: Death Watch
Best Historical Death	Vike-O-Done	My Big Fat Greek Death	Back Stabbed	Episode 26: Putting A Smiley Face On Death
Best death during sex	Gasketballed	Orspasm	Ass Phyxiated	Episode 14: Death Bites!
Cosmic Karma	Dead Meat-Eorite	Road Killed	Steward-death	Episode 39: The One About Dumb People Dying
Worst Sexual Pervert	Crib Your Enthusiasm	Mercury in Uranus	Vom-Ate-Dead	Episode 30: The End is Weird
Best Sports Death	Samurai Death Squad	Pam Caked!	Dead Eye	Episode 5: Dead and Deader
Dumbest Druggie	Curl Up And Die	Hillary Snuffed	Em-Bear-Assed	Episode 4: Death Over Easy
Dumbest Death	Bitch Zapped	Midnight Choker	Boys 2 Dead	Episode 25: Death On A Stick
Most Painful Death	Easy Slider	Bot-ily Harm	Bad Max	Episode 30: The End is Weird
Deathiest Death	Fat-ality	Chippin' Dale	Titty Titty Bang Bang	Episode 13: Death On Arrival

Episode 56: Deadliest Kitsch

Aired October 24, 2011 Note: This is the sixth episode not to feature the death of a female.

Title reference: Spoofs the Discovery Channel TV series Deadliest Catch.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
642	Bull-Heavia	March 24, 2010	Somewhere in the Middle East	The dictator of an unnamed Middle Eastern country regularly videotapes speeches blaming the United States of America for the country's poverty and political unrest and promising that the U.S. will pay for its decadent ways. In private, however, the dictator is obsessed with America, often dressing up as a cowboy in a private room filled with American memorabilia and a table with a model replica of Washington, D.C. He installing a new mechanical bull in his room and goes to ride it, but his subordinate doesn't know how to make it go faster and ends up throwing the leader from the bull and onto his Washington, D.C. model., where the Washington Monument statue impales him right in the heart.
241	Hose Whipped	May 27, 2008	Philadelphia, PA	A low-rent security guard (who has dreams of becoming a full-fledged police officer, even though he recently failed the police exam) attempts to stop a group of scantily-clad animal rights protesters in front of a pharmaceutical company by blasting the protesters with a fire hose on full power. When the pressure becomes too much for him to hang onto, the hose slips under his legs and knocks him to the ground. The brass nozzle of the hose slams into his skull at over 30 miles per hour.
820	Suffer-Cated	November 16, 2009	Bloomington, Indiana	An obsessed cyclist is forced to take care of the dog his girlfriend left behind when she abandoned him. During his training in an altitude tent, the neglected dog notices the cyclist's water bottle on top of the tent, jumps up, and shuts off the air supply. The cyclist desperately tries to get out, but ends up making the altitude tent fall to the floor (doorside down) and the man suffocates.
307	Rocked Out	April 14, 2006	Dodge City, KS	A rock climbing instructor who leers at and gropes his female students is forced to help a man, who weighs 250 pounds, learn how to rope climb. The rock climbing instructor is too distracted by his female coworker to notice that the 250-pound man is slipping. The rope wraps around the instructor's neck, nearly choking him. He manages to get out of it by cutting the rope, but this makes the obese man fall on top of the instructor, killing him of a broken neck and brain hemorrhage.
917	Chicken Boned	August 1, 1998	Cedar Rapids, IA	A bored group of friends decide to play "chicken" (performing dangerous stunts to see who will back out first). One of the boys challenges the other to hold a lit M-80 in his mouth. When the second backs out, the first boy cries in victory but accidentally swallows the M-80, which enters his trachea, and blows apart his throat, causing him to drown in his own blood.
508	Toe Jammed	September 14, 2005	Toledo, OH	A hospital janitor with a fetish for feet and unconscious women sneaks around giving pedicures to sleeping or comatose female hospital patients while sucking on a foot-shaped lollipop. While finishing a pedicure on a coma patient, the janitor accidentally lets a hospital tray swing towards the woman's kneecap, triggering the patellar reflex. The coma patient involuntarily kicks the man in the face, causing the lollipop to lodge in his throat and choke the janitor to death.
260	Down With The Clown	July 23, 2008	Los Angeles, CA	A circus party clown stalks a horror-core hip-hop band called "Infernal Clown Posse" (played by real-life clown-music group Insane Clown Posse) with hate mail and plans to sabotage one of their concerts. The clown rushes to the front row, but is knocked unconscious when one of the group members hits him in the head with a soda pop bottle. After regaining consciousness a short time later, the clown becomes enraged, runs backstage and goes to unplug their speakers. The clown, still drenched in soda, which contains a high concentration of salt, is then electrocuted to death, much to the relief of Infernal Clown Posse who continue the concert with the song "In Yo Face". NOTE: This death features the real song "In Yo Face", performed by ICP.

Episode 57: Grave Decisions: The Halloween Episode

Aired October 31, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
819	Sneeze Bag	February 23, 1989	Chicago, IL	A city mayor's sexy campaign manager (actually a spy working for an opposing candidate) drugs his drink in a plot to frame him for sleeping with her. The next day, she drags the mayor out to meet a mob of photographers she has tipped off about the alleged sex scandal. However, the woman unknowingly suffers from ACHOO syndrome, and the camera flashes trigger a sneezing fit that leads to her death from burst blood vessels.
273	As-Capped	June 10, 2005	El Segundo, CA	An ex-record producer from the 1950s (modeled after Phil Spector) harasses his former band, who have been hired as the house band at the nursing home where he now resides. While threatening them with a revolver, he suffers a fit of palsy in his hand and accidentally shoots his own oxygen tank, which explodes and kills him.
295	Cat Fight On A Hot Tin Hood	August 9, 2001	Walla Walla, WA	An overly aggressive driver gets angry when another woman takes the parking spot she wanted. When she gets in a fight with the other driver, she falls on top of the sharp three-pronged hood ornament of the car, lacerating her stomach and causing her death from hypovolemic shock and blood loss.
109	Heart Beat Down	May 15, 1954	Bay City, MI	A convicted murderer confined to a mental hospital is given electroshock therapy. He fakes being catatonic in order to take a nurse hostage and try to escape. While climbing the boundary fence, he suffers a fatal heart attack caused by a change in cardiac rhythm due to his treatment.
244	Chain On You	April 25, 2007	Lakewood, CO	Two female motocross riders are bitter rivals on their local circuit and are competing to earn entry into a major event. One rider sabotages the other's motorcycle chain, causing it to snap during the next race. The broken chain flies through the air and tears into the saboteur's throat, and she quickly bleeds to death. (This is the second death to feature what actually happened different from the CGI format, the first death being "Jablowni". The chain is sent into the saboteurs throat but in the CGI format it slits her throat and slides away from her throat).
700	This Just In... My Chest	August 26, 2004	Port Charlotte, FL	A local news reporter obsessed with his self-image gets the opportunity to look brave and become famous on a national scale by covering a local hurricane. While attempting to cover the story, he is struck and impaled by a mailbox post that has broken loose in the high winds.
548	Therm-Assed	October 8, 2008	Moab, UT	A miserable teenage girl forced into going to a religious weekend retreat by her parents slips some crushed ecstasy into everyone's dinner. After the drugs take effect, one of the campers smashes a guitar near the campfire. The girl chokes on the soot that is blown in her face. She grabs a nearby Thermos and gulps its contents, not knowing that it is filled with leftover boiling water from the campifire. Because she is high on ecstasy, she fails to spit the water out, so she suffers severe burns to her epiglottis which swells up and blocks her airway. She then loses consciousness and soon her life.

Episode 58: Dirt Nap

Aired November 7, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
350	Harmored Car	April 22, 2006	Hutchinson, KS	Two amateurs attempt to rob an armored car and successfully tie up the guards, but a passer-by calls 911. The police arrive and exchange gunfire with the robbers, one of whom hides in the car. Just as he peeks out of an open door, his partner is hit and falls backward, driving the door shut and breaking the first robber's neck.
915	Bush Whacked 3: Waxed Off	November 13, 2005	Los Angeles, CA	An angry woman goes to a spa run by two Korean women. After enduring her constant complaints, the masseuse and spa owner decide to give her a free bikini wax. One of the waxing strips catches fire and ignites her pubic hair when it is brought too close. The spa workers put out the fire, but the smoke sets off the sprinkler system and drenches everybody in the room. The woman dies from anaphylactic shock caused by aquagenic urticaria (a rare allergic reaction to water) before she can get out.
294	You've Got Dead Male	October 18, 2009	Daytona, FL	A teenage vandal rides around a neighborhood and smashes mailboxes with a wooden baseball bat while his girlfriend drives. One previous victim, a retired metalworker, has reinforced his box with a steel post; unable to destroy it, the vandal pounds on it until his bat breaks, sending a splinter into his heart.
634	Shop 'Till You Drown	February 9, 2004	Corpus Christi, TX	A woman selling fake designer clothes to a client for high prices is thrown out by her client's husband (who hates her because his wife keeps spending money on her, putting them in financial debt, and the husband lost most of his money to the current economic downturn). Unable to see where she is going (due to the heavy bags of clothes she's carrying), she falls into the couple's swimming pool, gets tangled in its cover, and drowns.
290	De-faced	January 22, 2003	St. Cloud, MN	A useless family man warms up his recently purchased snowblower by letting it run in his garage while he drinks several beers. Though he narrowly avoids being impaled by an ax sent flying into the air at him whilst sharpening it, the combination of alcohol and carbon monoxide exhaust fumes causes him to become dizzy and fall onto the blades, shredding his face.
630	Ex'd Ex	March 27, 2001	Sleepy Hollow, NY	A couple on a hayride are stalked by the female's former boyfriend. When he surprises them by popping out dressed as an axe murderer, the current boyfriend knocks him off the cart. He falls to the ground, and the wheels crush his lungs and intestines, causing his death from being run over in half.
730	Colon-Gross-Opy	August 18, 1995	Denville, NJ	A girl with a very high competitive streak holds various contests with her two male roommates. To prepare for a farting contest, she decides to cheat by squirting a can of whipped cream up her rectum to produce gas. However, the nitrous oxide gas from the can causes quick freezing and immediate necrosis of her intestinal tissue, resulting in swelling. She farts out her blood and dies of hemorrhage.

Episode 59: Death Takes A Vacation

Aired November 14, 2011

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
272	Velvet Dope	May 21, 2010	Philadelphia, PA	An ill-tempered bouncer (and former convict) repeatedly denies two men entrance into a club for their lack of money or good looks. One of the men becomes impatient and nudges the bouncer, who in a fit drives him back against one of the support poles for the front awning. The pole gives way, and the upper section swings down and impales the bouncer through the head.
965	Bull-Shido	December 11, 2006	Osaka, Japan	After the suffocation death of his bandmate (from episode 36), a Japanese rock star realizes that he's untalented and a disgrace to the music world, so he decides to commit Japanese ritualistic suicide. After he slices his stomach open, one of his bandmates completes the ritual by beheading him. (Third and final intentional suicide in the series.)
899	Batter Upped	January 26, 2003	Abilene, TX	A food vendor at a carnival tries to seduce his co-worker in the booth by erotically feeding her a la 9 1/2 Weeks. His co-worker enjoys it, until the food vendor tries to make out with her. After she dumps a bucket of batter over his head and flees, he tries to follow her but runs into a pole and stumbles face-first into a deep fryer, sustaining fatal burns. When she returns for her car keys, the co-worker lifts him up and screams at his face, which has been completely cooked.
771	Caught In A Lye	September 25, 2001	The Czech Republic	A chemical plant owner lies to safety inspectors about his waste disposal practices. He panics when one of them notices a pipe leaking hazardous sodium hydroxide solution and tries to stop the leak by closing a valve. But the chemical spews all over him, destroying his skin and body tissues.
614	Dead on Arrival	November 6, 2002	San Francisco, CA	A drug smuggler creates a tie-dyed T-shirt soaked in blotter acid so he can avoid detection at the airport. The smuggler gets nervous and begins sweating, causing him to absorb a massive overdose through his skin and suffer a heart attack, stroke and massive hyperthermia.
211	Dead Mime	June 26, 1997	Portland, OR	An annoying and annoyed mime who resorts to harassing passersby in a park just to get attention stops to eat a pickle for lunch. One piece gets lodged in his throat and chokes him to death, but none of the passers-by stop to help, as they think that this is part of his act.
556	Her Own Damn Fault!!!	July 27, 2004	Chatsworth, CA	A lecherous, booze-addicted, two-timing wife invites her husband's boss and his boss's wife for a game of tennis. When she publicly tries to seduce her husband, the boss's wife serves a ball that hits the woman in the head, stunning her. She stumbles against the hand crank used to tighten the net, releasing it so that it strikes her in the head. The blow leads to her death from a skull fracture and swelling of her brain.

Episode 60: Wild Wild Death

Aired November 21, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the popular TV series The Wild Wild West.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
644	Teller She's Dead	December 9, 2005	Atlanta, GA	A bank teller and her friend carry out an inside-job bank robbery, with the friend "forcing" the teller to open the vault and then locking her inside. When the friend sets off the fire alarm on her way out, it triggers a carbon dioxide extinguisher system in the vault, suffocating the teller.
106	Super Zero	May 24, 2008	Cleveland, OH	A nerd takes to dressing up as a superhero to fight minor crime in his town, but ends up harassing the so-called perpetrators. He finds some teenaged marijuana smokers on a rooftop and shocks one with a cattle prod, but then retreats when the others advance toward him to defend their friend. He trips on his cape and falls over the edge, sustaining fatal skull and chest fractures when he hits the ground.
520	Branched Out	June 5, 2009	Lancaster, PA	A man films videos of sexy girls firing weapons in hopes of having them go viral. Startled by an ejected shell casing that fell into her open cleavage (she was wearing a spaghetti-strap tank top), one girl fires her Uzi at random and hits a tree branch overhead. The branch breaks and impales the man through the chest and into his heart.
726	Dough!!!	November 9, 2004	Rapid City, SD	A lecherous bakery supervisor who sexually harasses his female employees challenges one of them to perform the next-to-impossible task of swallowing a spoonful of ground cinnamon in order to get out of going on a date with him. She chokes on the powder and coughs it into his face, and he blindly falls over so that his tie gets caught in a running industrial dough mixer. His head is pulled in and the mixing blade inflicts lethal skull fractures.
593	Cham-Pained	July 8, 2006	Montecito, CA	A stolen art auctioneer decides to open her evening with a champagne fountain. When she goes to open the bottle, the cork pops off into her eye and sends her falling backward into the pyramid of champagne glasses. The shards embed her in the brachial artery and the rest of her body, and she bleeds out in seconds.
105-A	Backseat Die-er	March 1, 2003	West Plains, MO	A paramedic who has been fired several times for gross incompetence and getting high on hospital drugs takes another job and gets high again by inhaling nitrous oxide. In his intoxicated state, he hallucinates he's about to have sex with a mysterious woman and begins playing with the ambulance's defibrillator, only to electrocute himself.
443	Blogged Artery	January 16, 2006	Zuni Pueblo, NM	A blogger who has sex with rock stars tries and fails at seducing a young rocker. Desperate for new material for her blog, she uses a vacuum cleaner on her neck to simulate a hickey. The suction causes a blood clot in her carotid artery, which ends up traveling to her brain and giving her a stroke when she stands.

References

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1000 Ways to Die
Seasons	1 2 3 (2010) 3 (2011) 3 (2012) 4
Related articles	"1000 Ways to Lie"