1000 Ways to Die (season 4)

The TV show 1000 Ways to Die aired on the cable channel Spike.

Season Episodes Premiere date Finale date
1 12 May 14, 2008 April 5, 2009
2 12 December 6, 2009 February 24, 2010
3 (2010) 42 August 3, 2010 February 29, 2012
3 (2011)
3 (2012)
4 8 March 12, 2012 July 15, 2012

Episode 67: Enter the Ferret

Aired March 12, 2012[1]

From this episode on, deaths are redisplayed in the 2-2-2-1 format with commercial breaks, and the informational segments during commercials were removed.

Title reference: A spoof of the popular 1973 film Enter the Dragon that ties in a ferret-related event in this episode (See "Way to Die #780).

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
780Critter In The S****erJanuary 18, 2004Richmond, VAA Scottish man in a ferret legging contest attempts to break the world record for the longest time a ferret has been in his pants (which he does by making the ferrets docile by starving them). However, one of the ferrets finds its way into the man's rectum and feasts on his hemorrhoids, causing death from excessive bleeding.[2]
141Fat Man in a Little SwingOctober 5, 2002Omaha, NEA drunk, obese man bets his buddies that he can get into a baby swing at a playground. After he strips naked and lubes himself up, he squeezes into the swing, but gets stuck and his friends decide to leave him in the swing for the night. The man screams for help, but no one comes to his aid. Due to how extremely tight the baby swing is around his waist, the man later dies from sepsis due to a ruptured appendix.[3]
128TK Uh-OSeptember 5, 2009Racine, WIA female boxer uses diuretics to dehydrate herself so she can make bantamweight. When she is disqualified for using an illegal move, she hits herself in the head from frustration and ends up killing herself because her dehydration has shrunk her brain (and the force of the punch caused it to shake and bleed).
216Out To LaunchMarch 15, 2010Tarzana, CAA group of stoned teenagers in a park decide to mess around by putting one of the back tire of the motorcycle of one of the teens against the base of the carousel, getting on, and revving the bike up to create a large centrifugal force on the merry-go-round. With the carousel rotating at an extreme speed, one of the teens flies off and his brain stem is impaled orally on a horseshoes pole sticking out from the sandbox nearby.
613Vat's All FolksJune 19, 2001Chicago, ILA cemetery owner digs up his corpses and dissolves them in hydrofluoric acid to make room in the plots and coffins to put them up for resale. After his coworkers refuse to go along with his plan, the cemetery owner decides to do it himself and ends up falling into the acid tub, burning himself to death from the inside out.
99Tunnel VisionMay 30, 2002Philadelphia, PAA philly cheesesteak stand owner is rivaled by another cheesesteak owner. The two attempt to steal customers at a street art fair by lowering prices, and then the battle escalates to a food fight. When that gets out of hand, the first one creates a Molotov cocktail to use against the rival stand. The man accidentally sets his arm on fire and runs into what he thinks is a tunnel, but is actually a brick wall decorated in 3D chalk art. The force cracks his skull.
985A Chainus Runs Through ItAugust 2, 2001Denver, COA conceited tattoo artist attempting to outdo his coworker's spiked tongue gets an extreme piercing known as the "Chainus" in which a chain goes into his mouth and out his rectum. While the other coworkers crow over the new piercing, an angry biker gang leader bursts in pursuing of the tattoo artist for tattooing Chinese symbols on his arm that translate to "douche bag". The tattoo artist manages to escape the wrath of the biker, but ends up getting his piercing caught in a forklift. The forklift operator lifts the boxes, which causes the chain to straighten and tighten within the man's body and causes internal bleeding, killing him within seconds.

Episode 68: Think Globally, Die Locally

Aired March 19, 2012.[4] This is the final episode to have Ron Perlman as narrator. From the next episode to the finale, Joe Irwin is credited as the narrator.[5]

Title reference: A pun on the saying "Think globally, act locally".

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
407GrilledFebruary 26, 2006Shanghai, ChinaA Chinese jewelry sweatshop owner obsessed with gangsta rap bullies his workers into creating jewelry made with rosary peas (which contain a poisonous material called abrin). The workers get their revenge on him by making a gold grill lined with rosary peas, which poison the owner when he begins wearing it.
279Hole N' DoneOctober 1, 2002Flagstaff, AZA professional wannabe golfer who now plays mini golf enters a tournament against a kindly old woman whom the crowd adores. In a rage after losing, the golfer hurls his putter at a scoreboard. The putter breaks and the sharp end impales the man in the heart.
144Cross Bown'dJanuary 15, 2007Pittsburgh, PAA man who just won $78 million from a lottery ticket becomes delusional and paranoid. Along with the butler and the $1000-a-day hookers, the man also buys a crossbow to use against his alleged enemies. In his paranoia, he shoots an arrow at a self-portrait on the wall. When he tries to yank it off the wall, the man is electrocuted by a power line that was located inside the wall where his picture hung.
183Namas-DeadJune 16, 2010Taos, NMA strict yoga instructor (Bria Roberts) bullies and repulses her students with her constant flatulence. After a particularly disgusting session, the entire class decides to leave. In a frenzy, and still stuck with her leg behind her head from one of her yoga positions, she scuttles across the yoga studio, but falls down a flight of stairs and lands facedown in a meditation pool, knocking herself out. While unconscious, she inhales enough water to drown.
355-ABowled OverJanuary 23, 2008East L.A.A group of hipster filmmakers are out one day recording themselves on a high-speed camera in the hopes of creating popular viral videos, when one gets the idea to film things being dropped from 80 ft. above them. With the cameraman on the ground, they drop a bowling ball, which shatters, sending a large shard in through the eye of the cameraman. The shard severs his medulla oblongata and kills him of organ failure.
371Hacked OffNovember 23, 2011Mill Valley, CAA computer hacker hacks into his own pacemaker to manually control his own heartbeat. His gamer neighbor is using a wireless video game controller. With the pacemaker vulnerable to any and all wireless waves, the hacker goes into cardiac arrest when his neighbor stops playing the game.
253War-DoneMarch 10, 2009Ohio Women's PrisonA heartless prison warden who just banned all forms of communication with the outside world to all the female convicts confiscates a box of cupcakes meant for one of the inmates. The warden eats one with blue frosting, which, unbeknownst to the warden, is laced with PCP. The drug takes effect and the warden flies into a delusional rage, acting like his German Shepherd guard dog, marching like a soldier, angrily attacking the other guards (who check up on him), and diving off his desk. One of the guards rolls in a flash grenade to distract the warden so they can capture him, but the flash grenade rolls too close to the warden's head and explodes, blowing the warden's skull open and frying his face.[6]

Episode 69: Tweets From the Dead

Aired March 26, 2012. Joe Irwin replaced Ron Perlman as narrator beginning with this episode.[5] Note: This is the seventh and final episode not to feature the death of a female.

Title references: Twitter messages.

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
680Pretty Fly for a Dead GuyMarch 5, 2010Old Lyme, CTA nerdy man with an extreme hatred for bugs covers a wall of his home with homemade flypaper coated with cyanoacrylate. When swatting a mosquito, he falls onto the wall and gets stuck. After a few days, the man soils himself from loss of bladder and bowel control, gets dehydrated, and starves to death in another couple of days, becoming a buffet for all the bugs he collected for torture.[7]
397Bucky BonedJune 26, 2008New York, NYA crooked stockbroker about to be searched by federal agents for running a Ponzi scheme nervously shreds all his papers, then suffers an extremely painful stomachache that leads to his death. Prior to his frantic shredding, the stockbroker squeezed his Bucky Ball office stress toy and slammed it on his desk during a phone call. The neodymium magnets from the office toy landed in his cup of boba tea and the man drank the tea with the magnets inside of it. The "extremely painful stomachache" was actually the magnets tearing through his small intestine and attracting each other, causing fatal internal bleeding.
595Wedding CrasherMay 12, 2002Ramsey, NJA jilted, drunken man humiliates his ex-girlfriend (who is marrying an older, richer man) at her wedding by objecting to the marriage and stripping naked. As he's being chased by the congregation, the man runs into a glass window (mistaking it for an open door), gets cut by glass shards through his exposed flesh, and bleeds out.
372Meat Your MakerJune 16, 2010Fort Wayne, INTwo unrelated thieves attempt to loot a meat truck. The first gets in the back to loot the meat, but is locked in by the driver. The second hijacks the truck, unaware that another thief is in the back. When he is tipped off to the cops, the hijacker makes a getaway on the truck, swerving constantly. While the hijacker is swerving, the thief in the back is rattled around until he gets impaled through the arms and the throat.
252Well ChungFebruary 3, 2011Los Angeles, CAA black market owner in Chinatown is selling poached animal parts, infringing DVDs and illegal fireworks. When finds out that he is about to be busted by the FBI, he hides in his trailer. An hour later, he lights a cigarette, but drops it on the wick of one of the fireworks, setting them all off and causing the fireworks to explode, killing him.
754Hi-Jack OffedJune 16, 2010Orlando, FLA hijacker looking to hijack a car hitchhikes on the road. When a truck driver and his boss (a former female boxer) stop to help him, he pulls out a gun. Threatening to shoot them, the hitchhiker demands them to let him have the truck. The woman isn't scared and shoves him backward into the air brake hose, which enters his rectum, pumping him up with air and causing him to explode.
134Ghost BustedJuly 19, 2011Ann Arbor, MITwo men sneak into a haunted former brothel in order to find the spirits of prostitutes and have sex with them. The owner of the building, annoyed by the numerous break-ins, scares them off by chasing them while wearing a creepy costume. The men run away, with one descending to the ground off the ladder, and the other making a dash for the car. Once he descends the ladder, in a panic, the first man knocks a wrench off the roof which falls and hit him in the head. He is then run over by his friend escaping with the car.[8]

Episode 70: A New App Called Death

Aired April 2, 2012[9]

Title reference: Smartphone mobile applications (known as "apps" for short).

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
349Electro-CutieDecember 21, 2005Madison, WIA female intern gets drunk at an office Christmas party and does strip teases for her male co-workers, much to her female coworkers' disgust. In a plan to land a full-time position, she decides to photocopy her rear end for the boss. Once she sits on the glass of the copy machine, the glass breaks and her rear and genitals come in contact with the exposed electrical wires, which cause ventricular fibrillation and stop her heart (she is too drunk to react in time).[10]
184WWI And DoneJune 2, 1916The Western FrontA German deserter during World War I prowls through battlefields to steal valuables from dead soldiers. He gets to the body of a British soldier, pushes it aside, and finds a Jam Tin Grenade, which explodes in his hands and decapitates him.
248F.U.V'dApril 20, 2007Santa Cruz, CAA steroid-abusing, SUV-driving, cyclist-hating doctor enjoys harassing bicycle riders on the road. With his wife in the passenger seat yelling at him, he gets distracted, loses control of the vehicle, and rear-ends a flatbed truck carrying several rods of rebars. The rods go through the windshield and impale the doctor's skull.[11]
351Pulled PorkOctober 26, 2010Shepherdsville, KYA crooked farmer breaks into his neighbor's pigpen and masturbates the neighbor's pig in the hopes of selling its sperm on the black market. When he hears the neighbor wake up from the squeals of the pig, the farmer runs, but he trips on the bucket and knocks himself unconscious on a metal fence. While he is unconscious, the pig bites into the farmer's stomach. The farmer wakes up as the pig continues eating him.
336The Day The Magic DiedJune 16, 2007W. Springfield, MATwo drug addicts rob an elderly former-magician-turned-magic-store-owner for drugs. The two tie up the old magician, find a vial of cocaine, and begin to snort it. What the two didn't realize is that what they thought was cocaine is actually G4, also known as slush powder, which is used in magic tricks to make water disappear. The powder absorbs water in their noses and expands in their tracheas, suffocating them.
897American Died'OlOctober 7, 2010Montclair, NJA brash and annoying woman cuts in line during a talent search for the next big music star in a park. After being forced to go to the end of the line, the woman still sings and dances with her umbrella and complains about being in the back of the line, much to the dismay of the other people auditioning. But, a freak gust of wind blows her umbrella out of her hands and sends it crashing down, wedging into her spinal cord and killing her from neurogenic shock.
250Mastur-BittenMarch 15, 2009Lamy, NMA scam artist posing as a state health inspector targets a sleazy motel. Using his own semen from a furious masturbation session, the scam artist is able to extort some money as well as blackmail the motel owner into staying the night at the hotel for free by revealing the semen stains with an ultraviolet light. While he is sleeping on the bed he soiled, some Arizona bark scorpions (which a real health inspection would have revealed) crawl on the man's bed and sting him to death.

Episode 71: Death Certificates

Aired July 15, 2012[12]

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
514Heim-LickedJune 16, 2010Orlando, FLA fitness camp instructor partial to attractive women tries to intimidate an overweight client and make her quit (since he can't legally tell her to leave, lest he get sued for discrimination). When she finally leaves in frustration, he mockingly eats some of the junk food she leaves behind but begins to choke. He tries to bounce on a yoga ball to perform a Heimlich maneuver, but then falls on a lawn sprinkler and impales himself through the mouth and breaks his neck. The sprinkler activates immediately after.
265This Bird Has FluSeptember 18, 2008Lima, PeruA Peruvian man smuggles birds over international borders by sedating them and taping them to his ankles under his pant legs. Unfortunately for him, the birds are infected with avian flu, which he contracts. Soon, he asphyxiates to death due to fluid accumulation in his lungs.
360Keester SundayFebruary 11, 2009Portland, ORTwo cocaine-smuggling brothers get caught and put in the back of a transport vehicle. While the cop searches their car, one of the smugglers has the other pull a hidden water balloon filled with cocaine out of his rectum to hide the evidence, as the cop told them that he would search their bodies. After popping it, they then proceed to ingest all the loose cocaine, but this causes them both to die of heart attacks.
249Kill Bill & BillieMay 12, 2010Altoona, PASuspecting her of adultery, an argumentative husband hires a hitman to follow his wife and, if he finds her with a man, kill them both. Meanwhile, the husband goes to a motel and hires several prostitutes, one of whom turns out to be his wife. As they begin arguing again, the hitman (who followed the husband's orders to the letter) comes in and shoots both the wife and the husband.
519I Spy A Dead GuyDecember 20, 2008Boston, MAA former CIA agent, now working in industrial espionage, breaks into an office to steal information. When a security guard catches him, he locks himself in a closet and dives through a hatch in the wall, falling down a garbage chute and into an incinerator. The unit switches on and quickly incinerates the man, leaving nothing but his skeleton.
187Eye So HornyAugust 8, 2001Clayton, GATwo brothers get drunk on their own moonshine and pretend they are in a bullfight. One brother grabs a moose head from the fireplace and charges, but he trips and impales himself through the eye on the antlers of a stuffed deer head.
411North By NorthwastedJuly 22, 2009Lompoc, CAA director is trying to recreate the airplane scene from the film North by Northwest, using dwarves as actors and a remote-controlled plane. The actor in Cary Grant's role jumps out of the way of the plane, which flies past the director and slashes his carotid artery with its wing.

Episode 72: Crying Over Spilled Blood

Aired July 15, 2012[12]

Title reference: A play-on of the phrase "Crying Over Spilled Milk".

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
425Ten-Ass Anyone?May 16, 2003San Diego, CATwo inept tennis players who idolize 1970s stars John McEnroe and Björn Borg hire their own personal referee. When the referee awards the game point, the loser of the point (the McEnroe wannabe) snaps his racket in half and furiously climbs on the referee chair as the ref jumps out of it. The chair tips and the shaft of the racket impales the player's colon, causing blood loss.
596Sky ScrapedOctober 20, 2009Chicago, ILAn unforgiving, cruel loan officer enjoys foreclosing on customers in her office on the top of a high-rise building. When she looks out the large window one day, a freak gust of wind causes it to shatter and impale her with hundreds of shards of glass.
153Rife-IllApril 19, 2010Khost Province, AfghanistanA hitman sent to kill a Taliban leader is now the target of a Taliban assassin after the plot was discovered. Armed with a McMillan TAC-50 rifle, the assassin fires, misses, and dies when the bullet ricochets back to hit him.
233Chili Today, Dead TomorrowOctober 4, 2007Pyramid Lake Reservation, NVAt a Native American gift shop with his wife, an idiotic tourist helps himself to a basket of hot peppers, not realizing that they are intensely hot ghost chili peppers. He fumbles in the refrigerator for a drink, but gulps down a jar of snake venom that the shopkeeper had saved for a university professor by mistake. The venom enters his bloodstream through sores in his mouth, caused by eating the peppers, and kills him from organ failure.
185Info-Pain-MentJune 6, 2006Riverside, CAA fitness instructor has built a home gym set out of bamboo and is filming a commercial for it. He storms off after the barbell breaks during filming, and the cameramen (who are his high school buddies) mock him while playing with the exercise bench. The tension causes one piece to snap, launching a bamboo shard that impales the instructor through the ear and brain.
477Mexi-Can'tAugust 15, 2005El Cabong, MexicoA man tries to break his friend (who was arrested for hitting on the mayor's 13-year-old daughter) out of jail in a small Mexican town by using his car to rip the window bars out. He hooks a steel cable from his bumper to the bars and drives forward, but the cable snaps and decapitates him.
80Caved In1,500,000 B.C.Encino, CAAfter a long day of hunting, a caveman comes home and tries to get his unappreciative mate to have sex with him. She declines and leaves him, and he angrily throws stones on the ground, igniting a fire. When he tries to cook some meat, the small cave quickly fills with smoke and he dies of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Episode 73: It's a Dead, Dead, Dead World

Aired July 15, 2012[12]

Title reference: Spoofs the title of the 1963 comedy film It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
522Signed OutJune 19, 2006Columbus, OHWhen she announces that she is divorcing him, a lazy man repeatedly injures himself to make it look like he was abused by his wife. Paramedics arrive and put him on a gurney as police confront his wife, but it rolls down a hill until it hits a rock. The man is launched off the gurney and lands on top of a "curved road" sign, impaling his stomach on the post.
267Hummus Among UsOctober 21, 2011Benghazi, LibyaA black-market arms dealer offers to sell a cache of weapons to a terrorist group. While firing a rifle as a demonstration, he hits a barrel of sarin and mustard gas (mislabeled as containing hummus), and the contents spew out and kill everyone in the room.
160Tread MarkedMarch 5, 2006Vernal, UTAn outlaw is pulled over by a cop for D.U.I, but wrestles the cop's gun away and prepares to shoot him. Up the road, a junk scavenger finds a truck tire and tries to pull it onto the bed of his pickup. He drops it, and it rolls down the road and knocks the outlaw away; the man dies from multiple injuries sustained during both this hit and his impact with the ground.
90Piss OffedJanuary 21, 2003Keystone, COA ski instructor with a urine fetish seduces his students and persuades one of them to urinate on him during sex. The bed's worn out electric blanket shorts out as a result and electrocutes them both.
135Waste-DeadSeptember 10, 2010North Pekin, ILA stripper and her planking-obsessed midget boyfriend stumble upon a playground, which is the perfect place for him to plank. While he poses on one end of the seesaw, a block of blue ice that was dropped from a passing plane lands on the other end and catapults the midget up into the air. He lands on the top crossbar of the swing set with enough force to cause fatal internal bleeding in his chest.
431Rubbed OutJuly 12, 2002Great Falls, VAAfter being sneezed on by a homeless man who rummaged through his trash and drank his discarded cup of coffee, a germaphobe gives himself a bath in a tub filled with isopropyl alcohol. Enough of it absorbs through his skin and into his bloodstream to induce lethal alcohol poisoning.
263Killer TanAugust 15, 2009Ocean City, NJA pair of obnoxious 20-something New Jerseyites are at a salon in their quest to get the perfect tan. After spraying themselves by hand with dihydroxyacetone (DHA), they climb into a stand-up spray tanning booth and light a cigarette. The spark from the lighter ignites the DHA fumes in the booth, triggering an explosion that kills them both.

Episode 74: Death, The Final Frontier

Aired July 15, 2012[12]

Title reference: A spoof of the Star Trek quote "Space, The Final Frontier." Note: This is the series finale.[13]

Death #"Event" NameDate of DeathLocationCircumstances of Death
509Pebble BitchedJuly 16, 2010Williston, NDTwo redneck brothers at a barbecue are attempting to pick up the same girl. They decide to settle the conflict by using their trucks to play tug-of-war. As they rev their engines, their tires kick up gravel toward the girl and one rock strikes her in the temple, causing a skull fracture and brain hemorrhage.
661No Fun-GusOctober 5, 2005St. Louis, MOA recovering alcoholic brings his callous, alcoholic wife to his sobriety party. She humiliates herself (and him), devours several homemade pizzas, pours liquor into the punch bowl, and guzzles the mixture. The woman dies from a reaction caused by the ink cap mushrooms in the pizza and the alcohol she consumed, as ink cap mushrooms become poisonous when mixed with alcohol.
161Pain SawMay 28, 2003Pratt, KSA man tries to get the attention of his attractive neighbor by tying a rope to his chainsaw and swinging it over his head. The rope gets tangled and pulls the chainsaw into his neck, partially beheading him.
408Ring-A-Ding DeadJune 13, 2008Portland, ORA hipster with a habit of crashing and stealing from yard sales finds a ring in a box and puts it on, not realizing that it's a ring-sized gun. When the homeowner tries to take the ring back (which belonged to his grandfather), a scuffle breaks out and the weapon fires, shooting the thief in the face and through the eye.
830Ass-PlosionJanuary 4, 2001Del Mar, CAA Scottish bodybuilder successfully eliminates his opponents in a Strongest Man competition by cheating. When he has to lift a large rock, the pressure caused by his body expels his intestines out his rectum and he dies from a massive heart attack caused by the shock of seeing his own organs.
399Lac-ToastedAugust 15, 2006Waterloo, IAA flasher harasses a group of mothers feeding their babies in the park, and drinks one of the baby bottles. The mothers—who are revealed to be members of an underground fight club called "M.I.L.F" ["Moms I'd Like To Fight"] -- are incensed and beat up the man. The man dies not from getting pummelled by the mothers, but from a fatal allergic reaction to peanuts (the breast milk he drank earlier came from a mother who had been eating peanuts before nursing her child).
656Phlegm PhataleNovember 17, 2007Elmira, NYA couple are on their first date after meeting over the Internet. The male is a complete germaphobe, spraying everything with disinfectant and even using a neti pot to cleanse his sinuses before meeting the woman. He disgusts the woman with his germaphobic behavior, and she leaves, declaring that she'll never date over the Internet again. Unfortunately, the man's troubles don't end there. By using tap water in the pot instead of distilled water, he contracts a Naegleria fowleri infection that attacks his brain and kills him.

References

  1. "SPIKE TV Schedule". Spike.com. 2012-03-12. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  2. "Ferret In The Hole | Free Video Clips". SPIKE. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  3. "1000 Ways To Die: Morbidly Obese". YouTube. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  4. "SPIKE TV Schedule". Spike.com. 2012-03-19. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  5. 1 2 "1000 Ways To Die | Explosions, Strange Deaths | Full Episodes | Spike | Tweets From The Dead | Season 4 | Free Full Episodes". Spike. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  6. "1000 Ways To Die: Headless Warden On PCP". YouTube. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  7. "Pretty Fly For A Dead Guy | Free Video Clips". SPIKE. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  8. "1000 Ways To Die: Haunted Hoax". YouTube. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  9. "SPIKE TV Schedule". Spike.com. 2012-04-02. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  10. "1000 Ways To Die: X-Mess Carol". YouTube. 2012-04-02. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  11. "FUV | Free Video Clips". SPIKE. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  12. 1 2 3 4 "SPIKE TV Schedule". Spike.com. 2012-07-15. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
  13. "1000 Ways to Die Episode Guide 2012 Season 6 - Death, the Final Frontier, Episode 8". TVGuide.com. Retrieved 2012-11-06.
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