Extreme Spots (1.1)

SpongeBob and Patrick: What was that?

British Gentleman: Why, those are the Dwastic Wadicals, the #1 practitioners of extweme spowts. [sips tea]

SpongeBob and Patrick: Extreme what?

British Gentleman: Extweme... spowts.

Patrick: "Extreme spots"? Well, that's no fair. You're already covers in extreme spots. Ooh, hold on a second. [hive buzzing, Patrick screaming, electricity crackling] Okay, let's do meet our new heroes.

Squirrel Record (1.2)

Author: Thank you. Yes. Oh my... well, then... I'm afraid you've broken no records.

SpongeBob and Sandy: Huh?

Author: This book is 30 years old. These records were broken ages ago. You, however, have sent a brand new record: Most injuries sustained while helping a friend.

Sandy: Good for you, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: [cracks] Um... hooray.

Author: Say "cheese"! [takes a picture as the episode ends]

Patrick-Man! (2.I)

Patrick-Man: Hey, where'd he come from?

SpongeBob: [gasps] The Dirty Bubble?!

Patrick-Man: The Dirty Bubble? I wanted to unmask Man Ray.

Gary's New Toy (2.2)

SpongeBob: And so it's come to this. No home, no best friend, and sleeping under a bus stop. [a nematode pops out of the ground] Hello, little nematode. Will you be my friend? [the nematode crawls onto SpongeBob's arm] Atta boy. [the nematode crawls onto SpongeBob's arm] That tickles! [the nematode emerges with his wallet] Hey, my wallet! Good thing I cancelled those credit cards.

License to Milkshake (3.1)

Fish: This shake is disgusting! Why, you probably don't even have a license to milkshake!

SpongeBob: A license to milkshake? Well, of course I do, silly! And it doesn't expire until... [looks at his license] ...seven years ago!?

Squid Baby (3.2)

Squidward: What the? Where am I? What's going on?

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, you're back to your normal grown-up self.

Squidward: Of course I'm grown-up! Why wouldn't I be?! [notices he's wearing a diaper] Am I wearing... a diaper?

SpongeBob: Yes.

Squidward: Is it full? [looks inside diaper and screams]

SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward! I was gonna change it, but I got in the wra... [Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob's mouth]

Squidward: Stop! Not another word about this! Ever.

SpongeBob: Kids, they grow up so fast.

Little Yellow Book (4.1)

Squidward: What do you think of Mr. Krabs' new plaid kilt?

SpongeBob: P-p-p-p-plaid? [SpongeBob starts clucking like a chicken]

Mr. Krabs: Well, you don't have to be nasty about it!

Bumper to Bumper (4.2)

SpongeBob: Focus on the road. There is nothing but the road.

Eek, an Urchin! (5.1)

Squid Defense (5.2)

Squidward: Am I under arrest?

Policeman: You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent.

(Squidward Screams)

Policeman: Or not silent.

Jailbreak! (6.1)

Evil Spatula (6.2)

Safe Deposit Krabs (8.1)

Plankton's Pet (8.2)

Plankton: SpongeBob, before we're torn to shreds, I'd like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.

SpongeBob: Aw, it was nothing. Hey, speaking of Spots. Did yo always have a double pupil?

Plankton: A double what? [pulls Spot off eye] Spot! [dramatic music plays in the background] Thank entropy you're safe! You were hiding on my optical cornea the whole time! You sneaky little amoeba, you.

[Spot barks and licks Plankton. Plankton laughs]

SpongeBob: Aw, I'm glad you found Spot. [animals shrieking] Unfortunately, the animals found us too.

Plankton: Good-bye, Spot. I guess this is the end of the road for us.

[Spot growls, barks, and jumps out of Plankton's arms]

Plankton: Spot, no!

[Spot barks at other animals. the animals laugh. Spot snarls and grows to a much larger size. Spot barks loudly at animals. The animals all run away back into their cages. The cages close. Spot growls and shrinks back to small size. Spot jumps back into Plankton's arms]

SpongeBob: Wow, Spot! You saved us!

Plankton: I taught him everything he knows!

[Spot barks and licks Plankton as the episode ends]

Don't Look Now (9.1)

Séance Shméance (9.2)

Kenny the Cat (10.1)

Yeti Krabs (10.2)

Lost in Bikini Bottom (12.1)

Tutor Sauce (12.2)

Mr. Krabs: [checks his mirror which says, "Objects in Mirror Will Be Expensive." mirror pans to The Krusty Krab entrance and a sign saying "Broken Wall" appears] Oh, broken wall. [a sign saying "$15,000" appears] That's about $15,000. [the mirror pans to the inside of The Krusty Krab where smoke is coming out of the kitchen window and a sign saying "Kitchen Fire" appears] Oh, kitchen fire. [a sign saying "$6,523.87" appears] Oh, that'll be about 6 grand. Oh! A lawsuit? [mirror pans to Squidward hitting Harold on the head with a spatula and a sign saying "Lawsuit" appears along with a sign saying "$150,000,000,000."] Oh, that's a lot of zeroes! Oh. [his eyes deflate, but they quickly return back to normal]

[bubble transition to the boat breaking a "One Way" sign as Mr. Krabs gasps, then screams with SpongeBob as SpongeBob drives the wrong way on the road, avoiding other boats and a gasoline truck. The boat then goes out of control for a few seconds before stopping on the road again]

SpongeBob: Well, at least I didn't hit the Krusty Krab that time. [chuckles nervously. The scene cuts to the other boats that were avoiding Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob crashing into the Krusty Krab, including the gasoline truck which destroys the Krusty Krab in a fiery explosion and leaving a charred Squidward left standing]

Squid Plus One (13.1)

Squidward: [quickly removes his relaxing stuff and takes out a phone book] Let's see here. Friends. [coughs and then blows away the dust, then sighs] [while looking through the phone book] Friends, friends... [keeps flipping the pages until he spots the number, "555-5717". Squidward gets surprised until it is revealed that the number was formed by little bugs] Hm. Yeah, I wonder if I still have my receipt for this thing. No big deal. Anybody can make a friend by... [reveals more of the card that says...] "TONIGHT!"? [walks around the house] Let's see. There must be someone who's a real part of your life, Squidward. Who do you see every single day? Who do you know like the back of your suction cups? [sees SpongeBob out the window, laughing and playing with his jump rope] But, of course! It's so simple. [runs outside. SpongeBob falls on his jump rope] SpongeBob, I have something to ask you.

SpongeBob: [happily blinks his eyes to the camera] Of course, I'll go to the opening with you!

Squidward: That wasn't the question. Which way did the mailman go?

The Executive Treatment (13.2)

Fish: Right here is where all the biggest business decisions in the business are made. Why, if an imposter were to be caught in here, hmm…

Patrick: He’d be given a sandwich and sent on his way?

Fish: No, he’d be convicted as a corporate spy and sent to jail forever and ever and ever.

Company Picnic (14.1)

Pull Up a Barrel (14.2)

Sanctuary! (15.1)

SpongeBob: [after seeing a truck, he hides Senor Poopus behind his back, run and trips over a snail, and falls face flat in the sand. He emerges with his face full of sand and disfigured like Quasimodo] Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Everybody in. Everybody in!

What's Eating Patrick? (15.2)

Mr. Krabs: [singing] Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?

Squidward: Wonder no longer. You only need 1.

Mr. Krabs: [gasps] [singing backwards] ?ekam ew tsum seittaP ybbaK ynam woh rednow ,rednow ,rednow I ...hO (Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?) What do you mean "1"?

Squidward: Didn't you see today's newspaper?

Mr. Krabs: "No takers for McNulty Challenge". Ha! What's that suppose to mean?

Squidward: He's the current champion. He only needs to eat 1 patty to win.

Patrick! The Game (16.1)

Patrick: It's called... "Patrick! The Game!"

SpongeBob: Wow.

The Sewers of Bikini Bottom (16.2)

Mr. Krabs: Listen up, crew, I have an announcement. Bikini Bottom's newest sports stadium will officially be named after this restaurant!

SpongeBob: "The Krusty Krab Stadium." Wow!

Mr. Krabs: Paying for the naming rights, will make me millions!

SpongeBob: Opening day is today! Tailgate party!

SpongeBob LongPants (17.1)

SpongeBob: Wow! Another Mermaid Man reboot. It's how I always re-imagined the reboot would be remade. [wind blows; shivers] Ooh, cold knees!

Salesfish: [drives by, then park and jumps out of his boat with a suitcase] Well you see you got cold knees, icy joints like... vivian, patellas? What you need is a pair of longpants.

SpongeBob: Longpants? [twists around looking at the pants spin around him]

Larry's Gym (17.2)

Larry: You see before you is a combination of my lifelong dream! A place of my own where I can work out everyday and anytime I want, Larry's Gym! [crowd is cheering again]

Larry: Looking out at this sea of plastic muscles and sagging flesh, frankly, I'm disgusted.

Crowd: Awwww!

Larry: I'm now opening the gym to everyone in Bikini Bottom! [crowd cheers for the third time] ...For the price of a lifetime membership.

Crowd: Awww! [looks down]

Larry: But today, everything is free!

The Fish Bowl (18.1)

SpongeBob: Patrick, you are making very poor choices!

Married to Money (18.2)

Mr. Krabs: You know somethin'? [jumps off the bench and points at Cashina] You look like $1,000,000 when you smile. [Cashina giggles again; Mr. Krabs gets down onto one knee] Cashina, would you make this old crab's day... and allow me to take you to a place where you can buy me dinner? [smiles again]

Cashina: I'd love to... [her face becomes completely transparent as the rest of her darkens, revealing none other than Plankton inside, sitting on a chair and controlling Cashina by means of a lever, a control panel with buttons, a joystick, and a microphone on it, and a camera]

Plankton: [puts his hand over the microphone] ...Scam you out of your secret formula, that is. [laughs evilly as Cashina's face reappears; she covers her mouth as Plankton's laugh only comes out as a small giggle]

Mall Girl Pearl (19.1)

Beatrice: ...And that's why today, we all wear shoes.

Marina: Okay, okay, We get it. We will stop being mean, I promise. Just let us go.

All: Whoa! [groaning]

Marina: Listen, Pearl. We didn't mean to hurt your feeling or anything. We just, like, think it's weird that you're, like, a grandma now or whatever. We don't really get it.

Pearl: Well, I don't care what you think anymore anyway. I'm being true to myself, and--and that's all that matters!

Two Thumbs Down (19.2)

Sharks vs. Pods (20.1)

CopyBob DittoPants (20.2)

Sold! (21.1)

[Squidward presents himself at SpongeBob's home, dressed up in typical German clothes, in order to convince him that a German family has moved there]

Squidward: [with a German accent] Ehm... German hello...?

SpongeBob: ACH! Guten Morgen! Mein Name ist SpongeBob.

Squidward: [baffled] Say what?

SpongeBob: Guten Morgen! Mein Name ist SpongeBob. Ich bin gekommen, um meine alte Heimat zu besuchen.

Squidward: Please, would you speaken Sie English? I need za practice...

Lame and Fortune (21.2)

Sandy's Nutmare (23.1)

Bulletin Board (23.2)

SpongeBob [to Mr. Krabs] : Let's see what other nice people are saying. [He walks out of Mr. Krabs office. Moments later, SpongeBob is standing in front of the bulletin board, screaming and clutching his head] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Dave: What are you shrieking about? [SpongeBob hurriedly covers a space of the bulletin board]

SpongeBob [evasively]: Nothing, I just love to shriek! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Food Con Castaways (24.1)

Snail Mail (24.2)

Pineapple Invasion (25.1)

Salsa Imbecilicus (25.2)

Mutiny on the Krusty (26.1)

The Whole Tooth (26.2)