Cave Dwelling Sponge (1.1)

SpongeBob: Sponge. Bob.

Cave Sponge: Spongey spongey…!

The Clam Whisperer (1.2)

Spin the Bottle (3.1)

Squidward: Fine! I would like, uh.. a golden clarinet that always plays beautifully..!

Plankton: Your crummy wish is my command!

There's a Sponge in My Soup (3.2)

[The scene changes to the hippies resting in their new place that is warmer than the soup vat]

Moon Gills: You know what? That old man Krabs wasn't such a bad dude after all.

[The hippies hear a splashing sound above]

Sunshine: [giggles] Whoa!

Crystal Dave: Someone just crashed our new pad.

[Their new place turns out to be Squidward's bathtub where Squidward is about to take a nice, hot bath. The hippies pop out]

Moon Gills: Yo, bro, potato?

Squidward: Oh, thanks, man. [eats the potato and swallows it; he opens his eyes and screams] HIPPIES!!!

No Pictures Please (6.1)

Photographer: Oop! It's time for 3rd lunch!

Patrick: Everyone, follow my belly!

Later on:

Photographer: Sorry guys, but I actually didn't take any pictures today. [camera disappears with Plankton falling out] In fact, I'm not even here...! [fades out of existence]

Stuck on the Roof (6.2)

[It's night, and SpongeBob still won't come down from the roof of the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob: I sure do miss my friends. Hey, maybe I can see them from up here.

[SpongeBob looks out from the roof and sees his house, Squidward's house, and Patrick's house. Inside Squidward's house, Squidward is preparing himself dinner]

SpongeBob: Ooh, looks like Squidward has a date. Good for him. It can be so tough to put yourself out there.

[He sees Squidward clink both glasses of wine and drink them both]

SpongeBob: Oh, no. Poor Squidward. He's all alone!

[He gets an idea and lights up- literally]

SpongeBob: Ah!

[He pulls out a flashlight from one of his pores]

SpongeBob: Don't worry, friend. I'm here for you.

[He shines a light down at Squidward's house and makes a shadow puppet. The shadow puppet massages Squidward's head and back. The octopus enjoys the massage, his eyes closed]

Squidward: Hm? Oh! Oh, that feels good.

[He opens his eyes]

Squidward: Huh?

[His mouth drops open and he sees a giant shadow stretching across his ceiling. He dives across his table, clings to the wall and screams as though he'd seen a ghost]

SpongeBob: Hmm, maybe he's hungry.

[Squidward is standing with his hand on his head, wondering what that horrible sight he'd just seen was. SpongeBob's shadow puppet reappears, forces Squidward's mouth open and tries to feed him his dinner, but Squidward springs to the door and struggles to get it open]

SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward! Eat your...

[There's a crack as SpongeBob's hand cramps up]

SpongeBob: Ow! Hand cramp! Hand cramp!

[The shadow starts clumsily knocking things around and throws Squidward's dinner on top of him]

SpongeBob: Ow, ow, ow, ow!

[His shadow puppet knocks over the table. Squidward runs to the window and struggles to open it. It won't budge so he pounds on it, yelling in distress. One of the shadow puppet fingers comes crashing down on Squidward's head by accident. The octopus' Moai house jumps about due to all of the commotion going on inside and soon its resident runs out screaming]

SpongeBob: Guess he wasn't hungry after all.

Krabby Patty Creature Feature (7.1)

SpongeBob: Are you okay? Cause there's sesame seeds growing out of your back…!

Plankton: SpongeBob, what are you doing? How are the customers supposed to get in now?

SpongeBob: Those aren't customers out there, Plankton. They're all Krabby Patty zombie monsters! And they're forcing everybody to eat them! You and I are the last two survivors!

Plankton: Krabby Patty zombies? Heh. I'll believe it when I see it. [Suddenly, the Krabby Patty zombie break through the boards and they gather around the Chum Bucket.] Okay, I believe it!

Teacher's Pests (7.2)

SpongeBob: Hey what's all the screaming up there? Forget class now we'll be together forever.

Bunny Hunt (8.2)

Squidward: Hello, Animal Control? Save me!

Squid Noir (9.1)

Squidward: SpongeBob, what have you done with my clarinet?

SpongeBob: Ooh, Squidward, you're so hard-boiled. Are you playing a game? Oh, oh, can I play?

Squidward: I know you stole my clarinet! [slapping SpongeBob] Tell me... where... it... is!?

SpongeBob: [slapping himself] I... don't... know! [giggles] It couldn't have been me, Squidward. I have an alibi. I was at Grandma's house all day and I have the kissy marks to prove it. [points to the kissy marks on his head] See? There's room for one more.

[Squidward is grossed out and he pushes SpongeBob away]

Squidward [narrating]: His alibi was solid. Only a family member could stomach putting their lips on this fool.

SpongeBob: You know, we have lots of friends. Maybe they could help us find your clarinet.

Squidward: I don't have friends. I have suspects.

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, don't you know a suspect is just a friend you haven't cleared of charges yet? [gets pushes down by Squidward] So... can I help you solve your case? Please, please, please?

Squidward: Try not to get in the way.

SpongeBob: Yeah! It's a play-date! I mean... [changes into his detective clothes] All right, I'll partner up with you this time. [flips a coin and it disappears] Huh?

Squidward [seeing a jellyfish with his clarinet]: My baby!!

Note: A large portion of this episode was presented in black and white

Cuddle E. Hugs (10.1)

[Squidward lethargically enters the Krusty Krab]

Squidward: Sorry I'm late, I...

[He sees the Krusty Krab in chaos, with people either lying in a pile or running around and screaming]

Squidward: [unnerved] Um... back to bed.

Pat the Horse (10.2)

Chatterbox Gary (11.1)

Squidward: Why would you wanna talk to him?

SpongeBob: Who wouldn't want to talk to their pet?

Squidward: I was talking to Gary.

[Squidward has replaced SpongeBob's pet translator with a walkie talkie, and speaks into the receiver]

Squidward: [in his normal voice] Oh, PapaBob... [He realizes his mistake and clears his throat] No, no. [He clears his throat and speaks in a deep, Grumbles Grizzly-type voice] Oh, PapaBob...

Don't Feed the Clowns (11.2)

Ringmaster: Don't feed the CLOOWWNNNSSS!!

Later on:

SpongeBob: Go on, little clown. Oh, I mean "Mr. Little Clown"!

Drive Happy (12.1)

Old Man Patrick (12.2)

Patrick: Do I know you, young man?

SpongeBob: Patrick, it's me! Remember? [sings his theme song] Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Patrick: I don't know... uh, a wizard?

SpongeBob: [jumps in a bath] Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! [water squirts out of him] Eeurrgh…

Patrick: S-SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob: [plays the nose flute in the tune of the end of his song] Bahahaha! The one and only!

Fun-Sized Friends (13.1)

Grandmum's The Word (13.2)

• Plankton: Happy birthday, grandma!

Moving Bubble Bass (14.2)

Patrick: If my friend SpongeBob doesn't get his free lunch, things are gonna get crazy!

Bottle Burglars (15.2)

[SpongeBob and Squidward sneak behind the Chum Bucket. Squidward goes to the front doors, but a meow sound startles him]

Squidward: Nyah! Whaa?

SpongeBob: [appears in a cat costume] Sorry. [laughs] Stepped on my (cat) tail.

Squidward: What are you wearing?

SpongeBob: I'm a cat burglar! [purrs and meows around Squidward and stops] Okay, I'll change. [rips off his cat costume]

My Leg! (16.1)

Fred: [crushed by by the lighthouse's antenna at Mrs. Puff's boating school] My leg! [run over by an old man's stroller at the circus] Ah! My leg! [while weight lifting] My leg(s)! [fishing out his leg] Hmm? My leg! [the screen then shows Fred being part of Charlie's magic show, where his leg is detached] My leg! [watching TV] My leg!? [crush by a steamroller] My leg(s)! [being drilled in the garbage disposal] My leg! [being blown by an air vent] My leg(s)… [being sawed off by aliens] My leg! [served as a dinner entrée to a hungry human at a restaurant] My leg(s)! [whimpers while being zapped] My leg!

Fred: Hey everybody, look who's back!

Construction workers: My leg!

[As Fred goes to begin his job, SpongeBob, who is shaped like Fred, continues to follow him. He hides behind the drilling machine just as Fred is preparing to work. Fred begins his job by pushing logs through the drilling machine.]

SpongeBob: [rips himself in half] This is his job!? Oh, no. Not safe. Must think. [puts on a fake mustache and construction helmet; talks in a deep voice] Welcome back, Fred. Nice leg work, but you know, it's a lot safer if you use a... table leg instead. [pulls out a table leg]

Fred: Wow! Really?

SpongeBob: [chuckles] Now Fred, I wouldn't pull your leg! Watch this. [pushes the log in the drilling machine, but ends up getting caught in the blades] Huh?

[With SpongeBob jamming the machine, it starts to overload and the construction workers flee the factory. The factory unleashes a devastating explosion. The smoke clears and SpongeBob pops out from the debris.]

SpongeBob: [sighs] Well, at least Fred's leg is safe.

Fred: My leg is really stressing out, Dr. Charley Horse.

Dr. Charley Horse: [examining Fred's leg] Hmm. Uh-huh. [twists Fred's leg and bite it] You're right, Fred. It's so tense, but I've got just the remedy. Take off your shoes and follow me.

Patrick: [wearing a gas mask] So far this plan stinks.

SpongeBob: This is no time to be smelling stinks, Patrick. I need to protect Fred's leg, and I can't do it alone.

Charley Horse: The only way to relax your LEG is to walk on... hot coals. [removes the rug]

SpongeBob and Patrick: Hot coals!?

[SpongeBob goes to protect Fred while Patrick hides in a sock.]

Dr. Horse: Now, Fred, close your eyes, and repeat after me the ancient mantra, "My feet are cold, my feet are cold…"

Fred and Dr. Horse: 'My feet are cold.'

Fred: My feet are cold. [stretches his foot out over the hot coals, but SpongeBob lays himself underneath] My feet are cold. [walks on top of SpongeBob as he burns] My feet are cold.

SpongeBob: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Fred: My feet are cold. Whoa! [falls on the hot coals] My butt!

Horse: [his voice gets higher and starts to shrink as he walks on the hot coals] Oh! My feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold…! [disappears; forms a word above the coals and whispers] Transcendence.

Fred: SpongeBob, why are you following my leg?! [pulls SpongeBob off his leg]

SpongeBob: Fred, you have to listen to me. Your leg is in constant danger. Isn't that so, Patrick?

Patrick: I think I hurt my leg. [shows the bite mark on his leg]

Fred: Aww, gee, some guys get all the lucky breaks. [kicks an empty can in SpongeBob's face]

SpongeBob: [pulls the can off his face] At least you know that your leg's perimeter is secured.

Fred: I know. I just miss being at the hospital.

SpongeBob: Why?

Fred: Well, secretly...

SpongeBob: Ooh! [leans closer to listen]

Fred: [whispers] I'm in love with a nurse.

SpongeBob: Ooh, you're in love with a nurse? Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Fred, I've got an idea. Why don't we hurt your leg so you can be reunited with your lady fair?

Fred: Let's do it, and we should step on it. It's almost time for her break.

SpongeBob: I'd say it's almost time for your break.

Fred: [sighs] Thank you, SpongeBob. If it wasn't for you, I never would have made it back to my angel goddess.

SpongeBob: Oh, don't thank me, Fred. Your leg did all the heavy lifting. I can't wait to meet this angel goddess of yours.

Fred: Well, wait no longer, SpongeBob. Hello, Nurse Bazooka!

SpongeBob: Nurse Bazooka?

Nurse Bazooka: Sponge bath time!

Fred: You know, this reminds me of a song. [sings] ♪ When I met you, my fingers went numb and my arms were all aloof.
But I tripped over your heart.
And now, my loneliness went poof.
Because... my leg is in love!
Hey, my leg is in love!
Like an old, snug shoe that fits like a glove!
My leg is in love!
Wow, my leg is in love!
Through my femur to the marrow is where Cupid shot an arrow!
So, my leg is in love!
Whoa! My leg is in love!
My calves are getting restless!
My quads are going crazy!
I'm in love with a nurse, and I think her name is Daisy! ♪

Nurse Daisy Bazooka: [blushes] Me?

Chorus: ♪ His leg is in love!
Yeah! His leg is in love! ♪

Fred: ♪ I really mean it!
Yeah, my leg! ♪

Chorus: ♪ His leg! ♪

Fred: ♪ Oh, yes! ♪

Chorus: ♪ Oh, yes! ♪

Fred: ♪ My leg is in love! ♪

Chorus: ♪ His leg is in love! ♪

Fred: ♪ Yeah! ♪

Ink Lemonade (16.2)

Mustard O'Mine (17.1)

Patrick Star: Hey, Squidward. You really should watch the closing doors.

[Squidward hisses at Patrick in a "*dolphin chirp* you, you unhelpful *boat horn*" manner].

Whale Watching (18.1)

Squidward: Pearl! Are you all right?

Pearl: Oh, Squidward! I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you!

Squidward: It's okay! Let's just get you out of here!

[He tries to pull her back underwater, but only manages to pull her boots off, and is sent flying backwards. He pulls on her legs again, and this time only ends up tearing his own arms off]

Squidward: Okay! Okay, just hold on a second!

[He darts off]

Pearl: Hold on? What are you-?

[His arms having grown back like nothing happened, Squidward plugs his bicycle pump into Pearl's blowhole and pumps as fast as he can. Pearl inflates like a balloon and starts to float in the air. Squidward yanks the pump away from her blowhole. Pearl deflates quickly, is sent careening through the sky, and when she is back to her normal size, plunges back into the water and lands safely on the back of Squidward's bike.]

ChefBob (19.2)

Mr. Krabs: Break a leg. Break two legs.

Fred: My leg!

Mr. Krabs: Shut up, Fred!

The Grill is Gone (24.1)

Mr. Krabs: Spongebob, zip it.

Spongebob: Oh, thanks. *zipping noise* You know not every friend will tell you when y-

The Night Patty (24.2)

Spongebob: WOOOOOH! There is nothing better than spending 18 hours at Glove World.

Bubbletown (25.1)

[Mr. Krabs comes out from his office and is shocked to see a long line of starving customers. Squidward is slumped over the cash register, sound asleep and snoring softly. Mr. Krabs yells in his face]

Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward!

[Squidward's face is blown straight into his hat. The octopus takes his hat out and his face straightens out]

Squidward [startled]: Huh? Huh? What? Who?

Mr. Krabs: What's going on here? How long have these folks been waiting to give me their money?

[Old Man Jenkins, who is standing at the front of the line, keels over and dies. His angel begins to float away, but he grabs the angel and pulls him back into his body. He sits up and gives a thumbs up]

Old Man Jenkins: I'm okay.

Girls' Night Out (25.2)

Sandy, Karen, Mrs. Puff: Men.

Mrs. Puff: I'm not so sure about pranking SpongeBob. He can't help that he's insufferable.

Sandy: Nobody likes a good prank more than SpongeBob.