Walk Like an Egyptian [3.01-3.02]

Super Crazy Happy Fun Time Japan [3.03]

Alejandro: [after rescuing Leshawna from being sucked out of the plane] Such beauty will not fall through giant airplane holes on my watch!

[Owen's seatbelt rips off and he gets fling to the hole.]

Harold: I could have done that. I just prefer to leave the ladies wanting more.

DJ: She wants more, all right. More Alejandro!

Harold: DJ, you know nothing about women.

Leshawna: You can put me down now. I mean, if you want to. Or not. Your choice, because this is nice.

Harold: I went to Sensei Steve's Feudal Japanese Summer Camp!

Alejandro: Oh yeah? I speak Japanese too. Leshawna, hana no yo ni utsukushīdesu.

Leshawna: Howzat?

Alejandro: I said "You are as beautiful as a flower".

[Chef sliced the door and the contestants got blown out of the plane]

Chris: Or we could've just landed the plane!

Chef: Nah! Too bored!

All: [Screaming].

[Suddenly, the musical bell chimed.]

Noah: Seriously?! I mean, seriously?!

Noah: I'm...Uh. I'm allergic to panda dander! I get hives!

Tyler: [points to Noah] What he said!

Alejandro: I'll do it for my team!

Chris: Wicked! Incoming! [tosses Ting Ting the Panda]

Heather: Gwen's face could use some remodeling!

Gwen: Nice! I hate to tell you, but, we're on the same team, so, you might wanna flip the wick switch back to off!

Courtney: Would you girls like some leadership? I would be glad to choose...

Cody: Stop bickering! I'll do it!

Chris: You might wanna bring a toothbrush, Cody! Because, the beast you'll be sharing your space with is...Sierra!

[Sierra squeals with excitement and tackles Cody]

Alejandro: I'm seeing a tiny Tokyo village...a giant radioactive monster...

Izzy: Yes! [Hugs Owen] Big O can be the monster! Big O, please!

Owen: Al, you're a genius!

Tyler: Super Japanese idea, Al! Nice!

Alejandro: Noah, what say you?

Noah: [Shrugs] I guess.

Owen: (playing a monster) Roar! Monster noises!

[The Amazons begin to come up in making their Japanese commercial but begin to argue]

Heather: We have the tiny fish, swimming in the tank, then it jumps out and plays basketball! What don't you people get about that!

Gwen: Too Dr. Seuss! Spinning Masks! We toss candy into their mouths, and the--

Courtney: That's completely insane! Flashing lights, and fireworks! Chef wants to be dazzled!

Cody: Girls, girls, they're all good ideas, and--

Heather: Overruled! Fish Tank!

Gwen: Hello! The only way we're winning is with the spinning heads and lots of them!

Courtney: [agitated] You people are IMPOSSIBLE! I'm so out of here! [walks away]

Heather: [angry] Well so am I! [also walks off, fuming]

Gwen: [irritated] FINE! [tosses the mask and lands on Cody's face and walks off as well]

Courtney: Uh, we can't storm off together! Kind of defeats the purpose.

Heather: YOU go back that way then!

Courtney: No, YOU go back that way!

Gwen: Well I came this way first!

Cody: We are in some deep trouble!

[Thanks to Cody and Sierra making the Japanese commercial themselves, Team Amazon wins, while Team Victory loses again.]

Chris: Okay. Well, Chef.

Chef: Chris! I think I gotta go with Team Amazon!

Team Amazon: [cheers]

Chef: I don't know. I just love exploding donuts.

Gwen: Cody! That was amazing!

Courtney: Totally amazing!

Sierra: Aww. Isn't he? Group hug! [hugs Cody, while Heather, Courtney and Gwen tries to join the hug] Back off!

Chris: Congratulations, Team Amazon! But, Chef, I also have to know. Who bid the biggest?

Chef: Uh. Those guys with that sad donkey thing! You lose! You're sending someone home tonight!

DJ: I put a panda in intensive care and then, I choked and wrecked our ad and we lose again!

LeShawna: Wait. It's not a reward?!

Chris: Well. I'm sure enjoying it!

[Following advice from Alejandro, Harold decided to quit just as DJ was about to be sent home in an effort to restore his team's honor after his commercial idea failed.]

Harold: It was I who brought dishonor to our team. Only one thing can restore the balance [he stabs himself with a light up sword and he spoke in Japanese and struggles to get the light up sword off] LeShawna, I think I will miss you most of all [he fell to the ground].

LeShawna: Harold, that’s a toy lightsaber.

[Harold falls off the plane without a parachute. Then Chris tosses one]

Chris: You might need this. Good luck, Harold. [Harold yells screaming] He's yelling something back at me. Oh no, he's just screaming for his life.

Anything Yukon Do, I Can Do Better [3.04]

Bridgette: I kind of have a boyfriend.

Alejandro: You have a boyfriend or you, ehh, "kind of" have a boyfriend?

Bridgette: I kind of...I have a kind of...a boyfriend...kind of. [In the confessional] I got flustered. But I am NOT falling for him! Mark my words.

Izzy: Oh, look, a speaker! Ours must play music!

Tyler: Is that box radioactive?

Chris: Eh, what isn't radioactive these days?

Izzy: (Now glowing green from the radioaction) I can't find the radio anywhere! I think someone stole it.

Tyler: If you see anyone, call out!

Izzy: Ooh ooh ooh! There's Tyler!

Tyler: OTHER than me!

[Noah jumps on the sled]

Izzy: Ooh, there's Noah! Noah! Someone stole our radio!

Alejandro: Well, looks like this is my ride, but, I can't leave you here all alone.

Bridgette: Go on. I'll race you to the finish.

Alejandro: I think we've got enough time for one more accident.

[Bridgette and Alejandro begin to kiss but Alejandro slowly backs out when Bridgette kisses the pole and finds out her tongue is stuck to it, later the scene zooms out to Alejandro on his team's sled]

Bridgette: [slurring] Huh? Mmm?! Oh, crap!

[Chris finds Bridgette stuck to a pole]

Chris: [pretending to be concerned] Oh, dear! How did this happen?

Bridgette: [slurring] I was kissing Alejandro, and somehow, the pole got in the way.

Chris: This all sounds very heartfelt. I bet it would be an amazing song! (the music bell rings)

Bridgette: [slurring] What?! Noo!

Heather: Last place? I can't believe I did all that work for nothing!

Chris: Actually, Team Victory crossed the finish line without Bridgette, so they come in last.

[Lindsay, Leshawna, and DJ groans]

Chris: Oh, DJ. Health hazard to pandas, birds and now, baby seals. Which you could've avoided if you haven't cried your eyes frozen shut and got your team lost. As if you were, I don't know, cursed. Bridgette. Reasons for you to take the plunge include, making out with a pole… Actually, that's it. Pole-kissing.

[Bridgette got eliminated because Alejandro tricked her into getting her tongue stuck to a pole, which cost her team the challenge.]

Chris: Bridgette, any final words before taking the Drop of Shame?

Bridgette: [slurring] Yes. Alejandro. He is evil. He's pretending to be-

Chris: Oh, would you look at the time? [pushes Bridgette off the plane by giving her a parachute]

[Bridgette tries to open parachute, but fails]

Bridgette: [slurring] Alejandro! He's evil! Eeeevvvill!

Chris: Hmm. Looks like the chute got tangled. Guess we should've removed the pole, huh? Did not see that coming.

Tyler: [Confessional] Well, I totally rocked it today. I saved everyone's lives with my bare fingers. Everyone's gonna know who Tyler is now! Mission accomplished! [Door opens]

Lindsay: Oh, sorry, Noah.

Chris: Will Noah ever make Lindsay remember him?

Tyler: It's TYLER!

Broadway Baby [3.05]

Heather: Stupid economy section! What is that horrible smell?!

Gwen: Defeat?

Courtney: I could of pulled the sled faster if someone wasn't whipping me!

Heather: We both know that's not true.

Courtney: Ugh!

Gwen: First chance we get, I'll totally help you vote her off.

Courtney: Gladly. Can we whip her off?

Heather: [Confessional] "Whip me off?" Ha! Not if I can prove my worth to the team. Or manipulate Sierra and Cody into slavishly obeying me. Whatever works!

Lindsay: I love it when people call me baby.

Noah: [Nudges Tyler] Make a mental note of that, bro.

Tyler: I don't have a pen.

Sierra: Back in the 80's, he was, Making trouble is easy to do, but, making you love me is painful! [Chris twitches his eye]

Gwen: You were in Fametown?!

DJ: [Confessional, laughing].

Owen: [Confessional, laughing].

Courtney: [Confessional, laughing].

Chef: [Confessional, laughing].

All: [laughing].

[Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot gets first place when they make it to the heart of Central Park, but they find their baby carriage with a baby in it, courtesy of Heather]

Owen: We're awesome!

Izzy: First place! [a baby cries inside a carriage as she gasps] Noah regressed into a baby!

Owen: [gasps] And he ate all my pretzels!

Tyler: Wait! This isn't our carriage!

Chris: No Noah means no first place.

Alejandro: We have to go back!

Lady: Ok now, who gets a big kiss! [turns around and screams as her baby carriage has Noah in it, Alejandro runs by and puts an apple on top on Noah and returns the lady's baby carriage to her]

Alejandro: [after arriving last] What? We lost?

Aftermath: Bridgette Over Troubled Waters [3.06]

Eva: So, you gotta tell me what you saw!

Hamish McTavish: (Speaking in a Scottish accent)

Eva: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!?! ARGH FORGET THIS!!! [throws the microphone on the ground and hits the Scottish man in the groin in pain and leaves]

Harold: When your bladder is full, it's roughly the size of a softball! [Justin punches him] The longest cricket match lasted fourteen days, that's a lot of googlies! [Heather knees Harold in the groin] In Alaska, it's illegal to talk to someone when they moose hunt! [A moose rams him] Squirrels only blink one eye at a time, like this! [blinks his eyes, one at a time, the squirrel does the same and punches Harold] 111, 111, 111 times 111, 111, 111 equals 12,345,678,987,654,321, which is a mathematical palindrome. [The other contestants have weapons preparing to fight Harold] How cool is that? [LeShawna rolls her eyes]

Harold: I'm no surfer, unless you count the Net. Plus I've never kissed any dudes.

Blaineley: Eva, can you tell us what you saw?

Eva: Like, a whole bunch of dumb girls chasing Harold, Justin, and Trent.

Blaineley: And what did these girls look like?

Eva: Duh! Like, a bunch of dumb girls in dumb plaid skirts, like kilts.

Blaineley: Kilts? A school bus? Could be a private girls school. Eva, what color were the kilts?

Eva: White and dumb. AGH FORGET THIS! [throws the microphone and hits the janitor in the groin in pain and leaves]

Bridgette: Ale-heinous was playing every girl out there! We all fell for it!

Geoff: Some harder than others. Imagine if the tables were turned!

Bridgette: You probably would've kissed him too! He's that good!

Eva: I don't know why you would, but they want me to tell you to tune in next time, got it? There's gonna be more crazy action, on Total! Drama! World Touuuur! Aw, forget this!

Slap Slap Revolution [3.07]

Owen: AAAAAHHHHHH! HELP! SOMEBODY! PRETTY PLEASE! AL! GIVE ME AN ALE-HAND-BRO!

Alejandro: [confessional] Ugh! How dare he pervert the name of Alejandro Burromuerto!

Lindsay: What?! There's a sale at the Kahki Barn! [screams].

Lindsay: [to Tyler] Hi, Darrel!

Tyler: [angrily] It's me! Tyler! Season one, you and I were together!

Lindsay: You must have me confused with someone else. The only guy I was into on the show is Tyler, and he's never coming back.

[Lindsay finally remembers Tyler]

Lindsay: [singing] ♪ Wait, something's itching in my brain! Someone's back in the game! My former flame! And Tyler's your name! You're Tyler just the same! Oh, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler back you came. ♪

Tyler: You remember me? Ha! She remembers me! YEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!

[Tyler's shouting caused an avalanche to occur and in the chaos, Owen was riding a deer down the mountain.]

Chris: [laughs] Awesome!

Heather: [Confessional] Alejandro flirting with Leshawna?! I would throw up, but he is not even worth the puke! Did you hear him back there?! Even his singing is up to something! Ugh!

Lindsay: [to Leshawna and DJ] Great news, guys! Tyler is back!

Leshawna: [acting all surprised] What?! Mm, mm. Girl, no way!

Lindsay: Yeah, can you believe it? [runs off]

Leshawna: [to DJ] It's easier to just go along with it.

Courtney: Ugh! I knew we should've tackled you when you threw our grinder out!

Heather: You didn't disagree at the time.

Courtney: What kind of self involved, lazy, useless, formally bald dimwit thinks a reward won't EVENTUALLY come in handy?! (She and Heather both start growling angrily at each other)

Heather: Forget it! Shoving meat into the grinder is dangerous. I'm valuable! Who got us the win in New York?

Courtney: Who threw out the electric grinder?

Heather: Yeah, but--

Cody, Courtney, Gwen, and Sierra: SHOVE IT!

Courtney: Uh, less yacking, more packing.

Heather: Well, at least I'm doing something.

DJ: Three against two? How is that fair?

Chris: You're kidding, right? [to Team Amazon] And which member of the losing team must wear "Da Penalty-hosen"? [Cody looks worried]

Cody: [in confessional] Look, I'd do anything to keep Gwen from seeing me in a German bikini!

Cody: [to Sierra] Those lederhosen would look really... [gulps] hot on you.

Sierra: Pick me! Meee! Me!

Chris: Funny. I was gonna make you wear them, but now that you want to... Cody, congratulations!

Cody: [yelling] NO!

Noah: [laughs] How are the hosen treatin' ya?

Cody: It feels like someone gave my wedgie a wedgie!

Sierra: [in confessional] My grandparents are German. [laughs] Schnitzel! I'm like a tenth generation slap dancer! It's what kept me alive on the school playground, and probably why I didn't make any friends. But who needs friends when you have a Cody?

Sierra: [singing her love song about Cody] ♪ 1, 2, 3, slap my knee! My husband-to-be, his name is Cody! 4, 5, 6, pick up sticks! My heart won't tick without my Cody fix! 7, 8, 9, straighten your spine! Spin to see Cody looking so fine! 10, 11, 12, nothing rhymes with 12! Chicks want Cody but his butt's mine! ♪ [Cody gets shocked after Sierra sings a song about him]

Alejandro: I'm disappointed Heather. You're above petty teasing.

Heather: [Confessional] No, I'm not! Ugh! I would lie to smack that arrogant jerk right in those...

Leshawna: [Confessional] Strong sexy cheek bones. I could dance already. But with his encouragement, I just went from Janet to Beyoncé! (falls over)

Leshawna: (Confessional) Anyone who Heather can't stand must be good!

Courtney: C'mon, Sierra! Don't burn out now!

DJ: Stay on the platform, Leshawna!

Leshawna: I'm not going anywhere!

Alejandro: That's it! Seize the day!

Heather: Ugh! She's not even on your team! [slaps Leshawna]

Leshawna: Ow! [slaps Heather and throws her off of the platform] I'M GONNA SEIZE THE YOU! YOU'VE HAD THIS COMING FOR THREE SEASONS!

[Leshawna proceeds to jump off the platform and slap Heather repeatedly, knocking out one of her teeth in the process, as Courtney, DJ, and Lindsay cheer her on. After that, Alejandro gets hit by Sierra as Team Amazon gets the victory]

Chris: Team Amazon wins again!

Heather: [Confessional] There is no way Sierra could have knocked that rock hard, walking prime rib of a... jerk-face, off the platform! But why would Alejandro take a dive for me?

[Leshawna got eliminated because she slapped Heather during the challenge]

Leshawna: What?! But, I-I'm fabulous! I seized the day!

Chris: And we're out of time. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night.

[Leshawna grabs onto the door when she notices Alejandro appear from behind a tiki statue, grinning evilly and blowing her a kiss]

Leshawna: [gasps] YOU! [Alejandro knocks her hand off, sending her tumbling out of the plane] Noooooo!

The Am-AH-Zon Race [3.08]

Owen: [After accidentally punching Alejandro in the eye] Al, what happened?

Alejandro: Nothing a little ice and revenge won't fix.

Owen: Cool...Did you say revenge?

Alejandro: Of course not. Off-topic, do you have any serious allergies?

[For being in first place, Team Victory gets to zipline across the river, using the T-Bar.]

Chris:

DJ: Sweet!

[Lindsay gets on DJ's shoulders and they zip over the river.]

Lindsay: First Place!

Heather: What color are Cody's undies?

(Gwen puts on the X-ray glasses and sees that Cody wasn't wearing any underpants)

Gwen: (horrified) Aaahh! (pants)

Cody: (blushing) Who wears undies in the Amazon? (chuckles)

Sierra: Uh, can I borrow those glasses?

Gwen: [Confessional] Everyone! That's who wears undies in the Amazon! Everyone!

Cody: [Confessional] Gwen touched my butt. I had pants on, but it was pretty much my butt.

Gwen: [Over the walkie-talkie] Chris! Chris! Chris! It's Gwen!

Gwen: Tied up? Rope is no joke! Spears in our face? Get us out of this place! Ain't having the luck I anticipated. Probably means I'm eliminated. Yeah, I'm out!

Heather: [Confessional] Even as a child, I knew that someday, a large group of people would worship me. I knew. [grins showing her new gold tooth]

[Team Victory arrived at Machu Piccu first, DJ was all scratched up from the monkey attack.]

Chris:

Lindsay: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Chris: What happened to him?

Lindsay: Same Old Story! Attacked by miniature monkeys!

DJ: I deserve it! I always deserve it!

Lindsay: But, this time, the animals hurt you and we're in first place! Maybe for once the person going home won't be from our team!

DJ: Split Up! We'll cover more ground!

Chris: Like that! Finally! Victory for Team Victory!

[Team Victory cheers after winning the challenge, thanks to Lindsay]

Owen: [Confessional] Sometimes I get the feeling that Al might slightly not totally like me. Punching him in the face probably didn't help...unless he likes that kind of thing. Fingers crossed!

Heather: [Confessional] Now they fear me, and so they should. I will make them all pay for what they tried to do to me, and then, I'll crush Alejandro for dessert!

Cody: [in confessional] I... [stamps passport] vote for Sierra. She's like the stalker girlfriend I always thought I wanted... until I got one!

Sierra: [in confessional] He voted... for me? President of his fan club? After all I've done for him?! Foot rubs, secret hair collection... I mean, it's just so... CODY!! [sobs]

Can't Help Falling In Louvre [3.09]

Heather: Having some trouble controlling your team, Alejandro?

[Alejandro sees Owen sucking his thumb while stuck in cargo hold, Tyler crashed into another cargo hold, and Noah with his head stuck in a birdcage]

Alejandro: Your attempts to insult my team are... cute.

Heather: Whatever. My girl power team is going to win. We don't get distracted by anything, especially boys. [Alejandro points to Sierra who is crying when Cody tried to vote her off while eating a pint of ice cream] Get it together! [drags Sierra out]

Alejandro: [whispering] All clear.

[a luggage case falls off the cargo hold to reveal Cody cramped inside]

Cody: [in confessional hiding behind Alejandro] Chris is the one who played the video of me trying to vote her off, so why do I feel like such a schmuck? All I did was vote, in which I had to do!

Alejandro: How long are you gonna keep this up?

Cody: I'm done. [pops his head out noticing a stitch on Alejandro's trousers] Did you know you have a little rip on the seam there, just a-

Alejandro: Out, Cody!

Izzy: [over the intercom, imitating Chris] Ahem! This is your captain speaking. If you look out your window, you'll get to see what happens when a plane does a somersault!

Chef: [grabbing the microphone from Izzy] Give me that! Uh, ya'll might wanna hang on to something heavy.

[Alejandro, Cody, Noah, and Tyler all hold onto Owen in terror and the plane rolls and flips on a strip on water in front of the Louvre, then lands.]

Izzy: Woo! [the plane ejects Izzy who hits her head on the plane before hitting the water and laughing.]

[the camera cuts to the cockpit]

Chris: You said we were landing at the Eiffel Tower!

Chef: And you said you was gonna replace that curtain with a locked door!

Lindsay: There's only one guy I want to share this with, the guy I've been dreaming about since we've been apart! Where's my Tyler?

Tyler: Hey, Linds.

Lindsay: Are you sure that's you? Cause you look slightly different in my head.

Alejandro: Everything looks slightly different in her head.

Heather: [while holding Cody in her arms] Cody, you bought her into this mess so you have to get her out.

Cody: [walks over to Sierra who is still crying] There, there.

Gwen: I can't stand any more crying we can do this challenge without your deal with Sierra. [she and Courtney walk away]

Cody: [screams as a bear comes] Okay Sierra, snap out of it. Snap out of it.

[Sierra continues crying]

Cody: The thing is, I only voted for you cause I couldn't keep pretending not to be annoyed by- Okay, that's coming out wrong. Forget the apology. I'll get you whatever you want!

Sierra: [with her fingers in her ears] La la la la la, is somebody talking?

Chris: Hi. My name is Chris, and I'm the host of the show. Hey, did you know you're on it? Right now? And supposed to be doing a challenge?

Cody: Sierra's mad at me.

Chris: Awwwwwww. Don't care.

Cody: I have to get her to stop crying!

Chris: [smiles] Still not caring. [the music bell dings] Hey! You know what that means? Time to sing! [angrily] Or you're off my show!

Cody: No! Chris, please! She won’t-

Sierra: I’ll sing! For Chris.

Heather: [yelling] ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS TO GO OUTSIDE? DO IT, CODY!

Cody: Okay, she didn't tell me. Let's go Sierra.

[Sierra ignores Cody and walks off leaving him behind]

[Cody goes on a fake date with Sierra]

Cody: Look, isn't this romantic? Great view, all your favorite foods. Well, my favorites, but I saw you eating this stuff on this plate before. [opens the bottle as the cap hits Sierra] Oh! Sorry! [passes the bottle to Sierra but she passes it back to him]

Sierra: It's no fun cause you're only doing it cause you have to.

Cody: Well, I [mumbles] How am I going to fix this?

[the picture gets knocked down]

Lindsay: Are you hurt? Or are we sad that we lost again?

DJ: These are happy tears! I'm going home! Mama! I'm coming home!

Lindsay: What?!

DJ: Well. There are only two of us! So, if I vote for myself and you vote for me, I get to go home! To my mama's warm embrace!

[Cody and Sierra walk up to Heather]

Heather: I thought you we're fixing her.

Cody: Look, I don't know what she wants. [loses his temper] ENOUGH! SIERRA, PUT A SOCK IN IT! [Sierra stops crying] Okay. You know what? Today is terrible. I hate today. You know why? Because you're not bugging me, invading my personal space, touching my things, smelling my hair. All annoying, but you know what? You do it all with a certain, uh, a certain enthusiasm that I've gotten used to.

Sierra: Really?

Cody: Yes, but what I'm not used to is all this crying and moping. I want things back the way they were before. Kinda in the way I'd prefer a slap to the face instead of a kick to the chestnuts.

Sierra: [affectionately hugs Cody] Shut up! Just shut up! You had me at "sock."

DJ: [singing his victory song] ♪ Mama, I'm comin' home! Mama, I'm comin' home! No more animals gonna get hurt, Cause Mama I'm comin' home! ♪

Chris: Ok? What you think judges?

Heather: I don't know what Lindsay is thinking all that surrealism it makes me nauseous.

Owen: I'd had to say that Lindsay's just have to made me hungry. There were pictures of pheasants and I think some fruit. Yeah hungry, definitely hungry and obsequious.

Chris: I can't picture myself wearing water lilies. I mean I'm 105, I don't like it.

DJ: This is perfect. Lindsay's design sucked I will totally bottom sum. Home, here I come.

Chris: And what about DJ's work?

Heather: [Judging DJ's model and fashion design] Dry, dull, uninspiring, not a hint of effort with the presentation. But enough about Gwen, the shirt was a 10!

Chris: I agree. Model sucked, shirt good. I'd wear it.

Owen: Well, I'd have to say I didn't realize that there would be two models so I wasn't paying attention but I really like DJ's shirt. Owen out.

Chris: Victory to DJ!

DJ: [shocked upon hearing this] What? I won? NO!

[After Lindsay's model looked worse than DJ's in the walk-off ordered by Chris, she was eliminated]

Tyler: Those judges wouldn't know fashion if it is smacked them in the head.

Lindsay: You're nice, even you're a bad walker. I totally hope your hockey team wasn't watching.

Tyler: At least they saw me with a cute girlfriend for 20 minutes. Ha! Take that, Brent Steves!

Lindsay: [laughs] One quick kiss before I go?

[Tyler puckers up, but Chris puts his hand over his mouth]

Chris: It's a half hour show.

Lindsay: Win for us. [tries to give Tyler a blow kiss, but Chris stops her as well]

Chris: I said, "It's a half hour show."

Lindsay: [jumps, but hits herself repeatedly on the Drop of Shame door, falling] Byyyyyyyyeeeee!!!!

Newf Kids on the Block [3.10]

DJ: [in confessional] As the only one left on Team Victory, uh, I'm having a hard time seeing how I can possibly win this thing. Plus, I have a bit of a cold. [coughs lightly] And let's face it; I never had a killer instinct. Unless it's an animal it turns out.

Heather: [pops out of the ventilation shaft] DJ! [DJ screams when he sees Heather] Make an alliance with my team, and we'll help you win!

DJ: Whoa! Wh-what are you... [in an upset tone] Hey! It's a good thing I wasn't doing my business in here!

Heather: I did have to wait a while for you to show up. FYI, Izzy likes to sing "Pop Goes the Weasel" when she... [cringes] Ugh!

Heather: [Confessional] Oh. He is good! [sighs; static] I want the tape back! Give me the tape! How do you open this thing?!

Gwen: [Confessional] You know, Heather really shouldn't let her obvious crush on Alejandro get in a way from the game. Having a relationship with Duncan really screwed things up for me last season - Trent! I meant, Trent. Just a slip of the tongue. [static] I want that tape back! Give me the tape! How do you open this thing?!

Courtney: [Confessional] Okay, fine. So I did let a guy get in the way of how I played the game. I really can't stop thinking about how Duncan could just abandon me like this, and I... I messed up. Did I just say that on air? [static] I want that tape back! Give me the tape! How do you open this thing?!

Courtney: I am a CIT!

Heather: More like a B-I-T-C...

Gwen: Guys! Let's get going!

[Heather goes to help DJ, leaving Courtney as the leader.]

Heather: DJ will be mine! [jumps off the boat and swims to DJ] Courtney! You're in charge!

Courtney: Always! Alright, guys! I'm a very experienced rower, a three-time coxswain and a CIT! So...

Gwen: Just Go!

DJ: [sees Heather appear on his boat] Heather? What do you want?

Heather: [moves DJ to the other side] I am NOT letting you quit DJ!

DJ: All I want to do is to drift the long pieces and lose. I'm sick. I have a cough. [fake coughs]

Heather: You can thank me later.

DJ: I don't want to hurt one more little animal. Okay? I just want to go home!

Heather: Yes!

DJ: What?! Oh no!

Heather: You sang! You're still in the game! You're still in the game!

Chris: Yes. Yes, you are. But maybe not for long. You might want to take a weekend or over there by.

[DJ and Heather scream as a iceberg appear]

Heather: That was close.

DJ: It was about to get closer. Look out! [he and Heather scream again as their boat hit the iceberg as they get to the beach] We're alive! You saved us Heather.

Heather: Now will you be in an alliance with me?

Courtney: Duncan? [she and Gwen are climbing up a rock] I knew you couldn't stay away!

Gwen: Get down here you jerk!

Sierra: Alone at last. [looks closely at Cody's face] You smell like toothpaste.

[Cody falls in the water after Sierra scares him]

Gwen: [after Courtney pulled her up to the top of the mountain] What I swear it was him!

[Courtney and Gwen come back to their team's boat]

Cody: It's about time you guys got back. Where's Duncan?

Gwen: We thought we saw him!

Courtney: It was just a bunch of dumb rocks.

Sierra: That happens to people whenever they want to see someone they REALLY like. This one time I saw Cody riding a white horse outside my bedroom window! And this was before I even knew him.

Cody: Please! Can we stop this story now?

Sierra: I ended up picking thorns out of my tushy for like, a week. Because I jumped out the window. To get on the horse. And I landed on a rosebush. Oh! I have a scarf you wanna-

Courtney: You were dreaming. You weren't! To say that we saw Duncan just because we want to is crazy talk.

Sierra: You do want to see him? Don't you?

Courtney: Of course. A lot. But that doesn't explain why Gwen saw him.

Gwen: Yeah. It doesn't make any sense at all.

Heather: [finds DJ again] Oh hey DJ. Hey listen, I've been looking for you.

DJ: I told you, I'm not joining any alliance. [coughs]

Heather: That is not what this is about. I swear. I just want to give you this herbal drink for that horrible cough of yours.

DJ: Why do you care so much anyway?

Heather: Hey I saved us from that iceberg didn't I? I care. Now, you have to jug up the whole thing. [gives DJ the bottle]

DJ: [coughs] Man, this cough is getting really annoying. All right, here goes nothing. [drinks the full bottle]

Jamaica Me Sweat [3.11]

Chris: [to Chef] Um, are we out of gas?

Chef: Yeah... 'cause you spent all our gas money!

Chris: [into intercom] Attention, passengers... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

All: [Screaming]

Owen: We're all gonna di-hi-hi-hi-hie!

DJ: Tell momma I love her!

Owen: [tumbles next to Izzy, who is already wearing a parachute.] Izzy, we need to talk!

Izzy: Ooh, you'll have to catch me first! [opens plane door] Last one out's a rotten egg! [winks at Owen then jumps out laughing as Owen screams as he gets sucked out]

Owen: [Owen lands hard on a beach in Jamaica] Oww-aah? I'm okay? [laughs] I'm okay! [Izzy jump lands on his groin] Ah! Great gobs of chutney, that smarts!

Izzy: Perfect landing. Not even a scratch. [plane lands on her and Owen] Ahh!

[Sierra jumps and lands in the water with a big splash that soaks Courtney, Gwen and Heather. An eel latches on Courtney's head.]

Heather: Watch It, Fanzilla!

Courtney: [screams as the eel electrocutes her]

Gwen: [grabs the eel] Got it!

Both: [gets electrocuted by the eel] Ow!

Alejandro: [Before Heather can jump in] You have beautiful form!

Heather: What?! [Wobbles and falls, screaming, and she bellyflops in the water]

Alejandro: Nothing personal!

[Suddenly, the army shows up medically evacuated, Izzy was taken by the military due to her newfound intelligence after the crash fixed a blockage in her brain.]

Gwen: The army?!

Army Soldier: Say goodbye Izzy, we're air lifting you home for special treatment.

Owen: Izzy is leaving the competition? For good? Oh, Izzy! Why did I ever want break up with you?

Izzy: Logic, we are incompatible, ergo, the relationship must end. Adieu!

[Izzy leaves with the army]

[Owen returns in time for challenge #2.]

Owen: Hey! Wait up! Doc says, I'm okay to compete! [trips and falls]

Chris: [over the megaphone] Owen's back!

Alejandro: Vacation over!

Chris: [over the megaphone] Team Victory Takes round one.

Courtney: [gets annoyed] Uh. We're all here! You don't need to keep using that!

Chris: [over the megaphone] Maybe, I just like it! Round two!

Heather: Your lawyers know the show's contracts inside and out. Chris can't really kill us. Right?

Courtney: Not in my contract! But, who knows what they put in yours.

Chris: [watching DJ get launched in the air after his last run was sabotaged, courtesy of Alejandro] Incomplete! The men wins while Team Endless Non-Victory goes to the elimination room, one more time! Ya know, if he ever comes back!

[Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot cheers while Team Amazon gets frustrated when they lose again.]

Heather: [walks over to DJ who is wearing a cast] Guess you picked the wrong person to buddy up to? Huh? Try to warn ya.

[DJ sighs]

Alejandro: [Confessional] DJ has Chris to thank him for his departure! Not allowed on my team and no merge on the horizon! Bye-Bye! Nothing personal! [laughs]

[DJ got eliminated because Alejandro sabotaged his third run on the bobsled course which gave him an incomplete time. He was then automatically eliminated from the competition and he was the last member of Team Victory]

DJ: Umm. Since Izzy's gone, we don't need another elimination tonight, right?

Chris: Wrong! Drop of Shame's thataway, you can let yourself out. [DJ gets a parachute, he looks at Chris and he waves goodbye. And DJ jumps, but lands on the ground, due to the plane still on land.] It isn't the same without the scream.

DJ: [sighs] Mama!

Chris: Not bad!

DJ: [Screams as fire ants attack him] Fire ants! [Runs away, screaming]

Chris: Much better!

Aftermath: Revenge of the Telethon [3.12]

Lindsay: Has anyone seen Tyler? Tyler, they're stealing my lip gloss!

Leshawna: Taking out Heather was fun, don't get me wrong. But she's still in the game and I'm here! I wish I'd smacked Alejandro!

Bridgette: I know, he's the worst! With that evil mind and that...silky...hair...[realizes what she's saying] Ugh! Evil!

Geoff: I've gotta admit, I'm kind of relieved that I'm not the only dude whose chick went soft for that Ale-jerk-dro.

Blaineley: [showing footage of Alejandro] Check it out, Bridgette. Audience surveys showed that people loved it when you drooled over Fabulandro.

Bridgette: I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend. [puts a bag over her head] I'm not even looking.

Blaineley: Keep those donations coming, and I'll keep the drama coming! Oh, Bridgette, you have got to see this!

I See London... [3.13]

Heather: [while Courtney tends to Gwen's sunburn] Bonding over poop juice?! Ugh! Is there anyone sane left around here? [sees Sierra using her laptop/pizza box] That would be a no.

Sierra: Tweeter update! Gwen's hand smells like Jamaican bird doodie. Cody is still cute. [giggles] Uh, 67 characters. Okay, 73 left. What else can I say?

Noah: [imitating Sierra] Considering buying myself a life on Fred's List, but having trouble deciding as they are all such a major improvement! [Owen squirts milk out of his nose from laughter and covers Noah in milk] Dude, gross!

Owen: Did I get some of my nose milkshake on you? Sorry. It's the only thing that really cools off a snoot full of Jamaican Scotch Bonnet peppers. [eats peppers] Mmm. [gulp] Hot... Hot... Hot... Milk! [guzzles down milk carton]

Noah: [imitating Sierra again] "Must learn how to make nose-shakes like Owen! That'll impress Cody!"

Owen: [laughs, then shoots a pepper out of nose] OW!

[pepper ricochets around economy class and hits Tyler in the eye]

Tyler: Ow! Weak!

[Noah laughs]

[Courtney, Gwen, and Heather run into a torture chamber in front a medieval torture rack]

Courtney: Oh my gosh! This is the very room where Anne Boleyn lived in before Henry VIII beheaded her!

Heather: What is with the creepy desk?

Chef: It's a medieval torture rack. You decide, toss someone on there to raise! [chuckles]

Gwen: I volunteer Heather!

Courtney: I second that motion!

Heather: Hey!

Gwen: Who'd like to carry the motion. Cody? Sierra? Umm. Where'd they go?

Noah: Quick! Tie him down before Alejandro shows up and makes me do it just because I'm shorter!

Owen: Why don't you like Al? He's great.

Noah: I don't trust the guy. He's like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil.

Owen: Dirty?

Noah: Slippery. Think about it. He's like Heather, only with social skills.

Heather: [Screams in pain, as Courtney and Gwen stretch her] You did that on purpose, you...[Bleep]

Courtney: Every cloud has a silver lining! [She and Gwen laugh]

Gwen: [Confessional] I know, Courtney! I never thought I'd be able to tolerate her, but she's... deal-able. We even have stuff in common which is like, the weirdest thing ever. If I tip over the edge and start making Courtney type lists, rack me.

Courtney: [Confessional] I know, Gwen. She's not completely a social freak after all. Sometimes she's even a good person to have on your team. Sometimes. You know, I wouldn't mind going against her in the final two. Obviously, I'd still win. She's incapable of making a list.

Courtney: Heather!

Heather: (standing up and stretching her back) Please, I'm fine. (Gwen and Courtney giggle) At least, tell me I look taller.

Courtney: Oh, yes. You can be a runway model.

Gwen: That's a stretch!

[Courtney and Gwen go to Whitechapel.]

Gwen: I guess we forgot that most of Whitechapel is closed!

Courtney: And the only place open would by a grungy punk club!

Gwen: I guess my hunch sucks! Sorry! We are so coming in last place!

Courtney: I don't wanna go back empty handed! We should fill the bag with something!

Voice:

Courtney: [gasps].

Gwen: Holy Schnitzel! Is that?

[Courtney, Gwen, Owen and Noah returned to the plane.]

Owen: Aww, Sweet! Everybody's okay?

Heather: Yes! Everyone's fine!

Alejandro: But it was reassuring to see some were concerned. [glares at Noah]

Noah: You were watching everything? Wow, that's awkward.

Alejandro: Like an eel dipped in grease.

Noah: Where I'm from, that's a compliment! Tough neighborhood! [Alejandro just rolls his eyes in disgust] But hey, we caught the Ripper-type guy! [Owen releases him]

All: [gasps] Old man Jenkins?!

[Chris reveals Jack the Ripper's true identity]

All: [bigger gasp] Ezekiel?!

[Ezekiel growls]

Chef: Found him living in the cargo hold, homeschooling with the rats.

Chris: I was gonna let him back in the game if he could avoid getting captured, but since he could not... [snaps fingers]

Ezekiel: Ah, oh-AAAAHHHH! [Chef throws Ezekiel out of the plane]

Heather: So who did Courtney and Gwen catch?

Gwen: Well, Chris wanted a criminal, so, okay, we didn't catch the right one, but... [removes bag]

All: [gasps except Gwen and Courtney] Duncan?!

Duncan: [returns to the game] You brought me back here?! Ugh! Where's the stupid exit again?

Chris: Not so fast, quiter! Thought you could skip out on the game, eh. Thought I wouldn't find out!

Gwen: Umm. You didn't! We did! Sorry!

Chris: And that's why Team Amazon wins today's competish.

Team Amazon: YES!!

Noah and Owen: WHAT?!

Chris: Head on back to the elimination room, dudes! First class goes to the ladies! And as a consolation prize, the D-Man's on your team. But, someone else is gonna have to go!

Noah and Owen: Uh Oh!

Courtney: And how could you think it was okay to just leave like that?! Because it was not! Ugh. Abandon me again and it will not be pretty. Now, get over here you big lug. [Hugs Duncan as Gwen came out] I'm not really mad. I just missed you.

Duncan: Every time I ran from the cops, I thought of you.

[Noah got eliminated because Alejandro discovered that Noah had recognized that he was an untrustworthy person. Not wanting to be threatened by him, he convinced Tyler and Duncan to vote with him against Noah.]

Chris: And with three votes against him, Noah! It's time to say, Tally-Ho! Pip, Pip, Cheerio! Toodle-loo!

Noah: Fine! If I jump, will you stop?

Owen: Goodbye, buddy! I'll win for you!

Noah: Whatev! Just beware of eels! [Jumps out of the plane, screaming].

Greece's Pieces [3.14]

Gwen : [Confessional] What am I doing? The moment I finally became friend-ish with Courtney, I kissed her boyfriend! I’m a horrible person! If it happens again, I’ll tell her.

Courtney: As the strongest Amazon, I volunteer.

Cody: I'm pretty sure I'm the strongest.

Courtney: (Laughs) As I was saying...

Sierra: That's it! I volunteer to fight Courtney!

Chris: And we're heading to the birthplace of the Olympics right now in...

Courtney: Greece!

Sierra: Atlantis!

Owen: Mount Olympics!

Chris: Wrong! Fictional! And what?! We're heading to Rome, Italy!

Owen: Pizza Party!

Alejandro: But, Courtney was correct. The Olympics was originated in Greece!

Chris: No! They originated in...

Gwen: Greece! They're right!

[Chris has a quick look at the papers]

Chris: Interns! [Two interns appear] Everyone should probably hang on to something! Everyone except you! [the brown intern gets thrown out of the plane]

Courtney: You sounded really concerned there.

Gwen: Well, I...I know how you feel.

Courtney: You know how I feel? Like you get it, or like you feel the same way?

Chris: [After Courtney and Sierra collapsed due to the lack of oxygen] That's two gold for Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot!

Courtney: Two?!

Chris: Hey! It was supposed to be a one on one challenge, but, you guys turned it into a team event.

Owen: Whoo-Hoo!

Chris: In a world where Owen can win an Olympic gold medal. Do the Amazons really stand a chance?

Chris: On your marks!

Alejandro: Now!

Tyler: I saw Duncan and Gwen kiss! [Sighs]

Courtney: [horrified shock] WHAT?!

Tyler: Oh, that's a load off!

Alejandro: He said he saw...

Chris: Get set!

Courtney: [furiously growls at Gwen, Sierra grabs on to her] How could you?! I thought we were friend-ish! I hate you! I HATE YOU!!

Cody: [shocked that Gwen and Duncan kissed] Duncan? Duncan?!

Duncan: You called? [laughs] Nice bikini! [Cody punches Duncan, follow by Chef whipping Duncan with the towel.]

Sierra: Fly, Cody! Fly!

Courtney: Cody, stay where you are!

Sierra: But we'll lose! [looks at Gwen and glares at her] Oh. Cody, stay where you are!

Courtney: (to Gwen) You, are so, ELIMINATED!

Heather: She's got my vote.

Sierra: Agreed.

Alejandro: Their wings are molting!

Owen: Maybe it's seasonal.

Gwen: Come on Cody.

Courtney: You don't get to cheer!

[Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot tries to vote Duncan off but Chris reveals it was a fake elimination]

Chris: Your choice is pretty clear, but today, the final choice is mine, and the Drop of Shame will be taken by... [Gwen gasps as Alejandro whispers to Tyler] THIS INTERN!

[when the intern screams as Chris pushes him off the plane, Duncan looks at the rest of his team victoriously and laughs]

The EX-Files [3.15]

Heather: What a beautiful day it is. Mmm. What is that delicious smell? Oh, I know, it's... [Confessional] tension! And it has nothing to do with me. I have never felt so safe. Thanks, Gwen.

Courtney: [Confessional; screaming in anger] Gwen is going down! I can't believe I ever trusted that sun-fearing, emo-loving liar! Well at least I broke with Duncan on MY terms. It was totally empowering.

Courtney: (Cries) You, stupid jerkface!

Duncan: Look, I'm sorry.

(Courtney kicks Duncan in the groin)

Heather: Cody, get your clammy hands off my leg.

Cody: I'm not touching your leg.

(A lizard chased Team Amazon until it got blasted into the atmosphere)

Heather: Since when did lizards fly?

Gwen: Everyone, freeze. We're on a minefield.

Sierra: Way to lead, New Heather.

Gwen: [Confessional] New Heather?!

Gwen: What are we gonna do?

Courtney: Why don't you make out with the minefield's boyfriend?

Heather: We're wasting time! Somebody do something!

Tyler: I don't think they stole your memory, Owen.

Owen: Oh, but they did, Tyler! I can't even remember your name, or Duncan's name or Al's name or Chris or the Total Drama plane or Mom's cheese cellar back home, or any of us! Oh, wait a minute...I think I'm good. Oh, how you doing, Al? Al? Al? Al?

Alejandro: 3, 2, 1 and Revenge! [snaps his finger]

Owen: [Pulls his undies over his head] singing Take me out to the baaaallgame, take me out to the crooowwwd, buy me some peanuts and Crack-ers Jacks, I do not care if I never come baaaaack!

Duncan: [Confessional, laughing] The Running Man?! Alejandro is alright!

Heather: [Confessional] Izzy, you have been replaced.

[Tyler got eliminated because he cost his team the challenge by accidentally destroying the alien artifact that they were supposed to hold on to. Duncan was also angry with him for telling everyone about his kiss with Gwen.]

Chris: [At the elimination ceremony] Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot! Not a lot of teamwork going on tonight. Owen, wasting time on a new hairdo. Not cool! Duncan, making deals before helping your teammates. [Gwen secretly comes out] That's low! Tyler...

Tyler: Is stout that Duncan's out-ie!

Chris: No Tyler! You're out-ie!

Tyler: What?!

Courtney: What?! [comes out] You're cutting Tyler instead of Duncan. Ugh! What's wrong with you?!

Tyler: Is there gonna be a re-vote? [Courtney throws him out of the plane, screaming].

Courtney: That's it! No more Mrs. Nice Guy! People are gonna pay! Two people!

Picnic At Hanging Dork [3.16]

Courtney: [Confessional] I am so ready to push Gwen out the door at 30,000 feet! Ugh, we have got to lose the next challenge! Sierra will vote with me, but it'll take three votes to do the job right! For some reason, Cody still can't see the evil sleeping from Gwen's poorly-moisturized skin. So that leaves... (sighs heavily) Heather.

Heather: [Confessional with her fingers double crossed] Of course my fingers were crossed. It's one of the advantages of making deals in the dark.

Duncan: Hey, Pipsqueak!

[Duncan heads for Cody, then, he stops near a kangaroo and Cody turns his emu around.]

Duncan: Here comes the pain! [tries punching Cody, but, ducks]

Cody: You don't know the half of it!

Owen: Act like you're crushing on Heather, and she'll go home, same as Bridgette and Leshawna!

Duncan: Bridgette and Leshawna? I thought I was the only guy who snagged double gold in the Babe Olympics.

Alejandro: Uh...yes. I was truly fond of both. Sadly, the fates were against us. I suppose I could attempt a false seduction, but it goes against the gentleman's code.

Duncan: There's a code for that crud?

Alejandro: And if I seduce Heather, Courtney will remain unaffected. If only we could weaken both at once.

Duncan: Easy. Heather's kind of into you, right? So, seduce Courtney.

Alejandro: [Confessional] (Laughing) Classic!

Heather: [Confessional] Al and Courtney? No chance. He's up to something.

Alejandro: I've been thinking about the future.

Courtney: You have?

Alejandro: Yes. Tomorrow, and the day after, and even the day after that.

Courtney: I'm aware of what the future means.

Alejandro: Not when it comes to me.

Duncan: [Courtney makes a cutthroat, meaning that Team Amazon is gonna eliminate Gwen] Aww, crud!

Heather: [Confessional] Next time the Amazons lose, Courtney is gone. And not for making goo goo eyes at Alejandro as if I care about that. You saw the way she was writing her emu. She is purposely trying to lose, again!

Chris: [reviewing the votes] One vote for Courtney... one for Gwen... a second for Courtney... a second for Gwen... and the last vote's for... Sierra! It's a tie!

All: No!

Cody: [shaking Sierra] It was an accident Gwen, I swear!

[Sierra starts crying]

[After Gwen and Courtney tied for the most votes, they went into a tiebreaker challenge, and Gwen lost the challenge due to her being allergic to eucalyptus.]

Gwen: Suck it Courtney! In your- [falls out the plane screaming] faaaaaaaaace!

Sweden Sour [3.17]

Courtney: (Giggling) I bet you say that to every pretty competitor.

Alejandro: Ah, but you are the only pretty competitor here.

Heather: (Confessional) Ugh! Back in loser class again thanks to Courtney! She should be home right now, not flirting with Alejandro. She's just trying mess with me, and him, fawning all over -- ugh, Courtney.

Courtney: Okay, let's hear it.

Duncan: Hear what?

Courtney: Your apology.

Duncan: For...

Courtney: For what?! For Gwen!

(Cody sighs)

Duncan: For who?

Courtney: For Gwen!

(Cody sighs again. Courtney huffs, and Cody sighs again)

Courtney: [To Cody] Stop breathing so loud!

Alejandro: (pushes Cody aside) May I offer my Latin warmth? Let's make Duncan crazy!

Courtney: Thanks, Ale-hunk-dro!

Owen: I wish I had some barbecue sauce, cause this looks like a whale rib!

Alejandro: Owen, you incredibly stupid genius!

Duncan: (Confessional) I don't trust Alejandro. I don't like Alejandro. But letting him know that doesn't get me anything. So I'll keep it buddy-buddy, and while he works on Courtney, I'll work on Owen.

[After Cody builds Team Amazon their boat that looked like Gwen's face]

Heather: (lividly) That's what you made us build?! [screams and begins to attack Cody with a sledgehammer but Sierra wacks her with a wrench]

Sierra: En guard! That's french for, "Leave my boyfriend alone!!"

Heather: [growls furiously and charges at Sierra and they both start fighting] Get down here and DIE like a man!

[The teams are building boats]

Duncan: [groaning] Why am I the only one pushing?

[Owen's stomach gurgles violently, as it cuts to him in the bathroom confessional]

Owen: How long can you hold in a fart before it becomes dangerous? One time, I tried to hold a fart in all day at school, and when it came out it ripped my pants off!

[cuts back to Sweden, where Owen's stomach gurgles violently again]

Duncan: Dude, are you about to fart?

Owen: CAN'T... HOLD IT... ANY LONGER!

Duncan: Oh, man, I think he's gonna blow!

[Owen slides around on the ice until falling and releasing a giant fart that melts the ice]

Chris: THE ICE IS MELTING! Will Owen's poor digestion finally kill us all? And will Cody finally get over Gwen? Find out after the break. EVERY HOST FOR HIMSELF!

Heather: Okay, what is your problem?

Alejandro: Surely I do not have to explain it to you. We are in a competition.

Heather: Oh, sure. So picking off my teammates while you totally blank me is strategy now?

Alejandro: Indeed it is. When dealing with jealousy-

Heather: I am not jealous, you arrogant-

Alejandro: Of course I refer to Courtney. I must make her believe no one else exists for me. If she is focused on us, you can blind-side her. Believe me, Heather, the only woman I want to look at is you.

Aftermath Aftermayhem [3.18]

Blaineley: It's time for another installment of...say it with me...That's Gonna Leave A Mark! [awkward silence] Would it kill you to play along with me?

Leshawna: A Chris-In-The-Box? That's an insult to boxes!

[Trent went to sit with Gwen, after helping wheel an injured Tyler and he rolled the dice on the Greece square and fell down a booby trap door]

Gwen: Impressive nursing! Remind me to not get sick around you!

[Beth is given the challenge of making up a haiku about Heather that highlights a positive attribute]

Blaineley: In ten seconds or less, starting now!

Beth: Um...Heather has ten toes...

Blaineley: True, but not very positive.

Beth: Webbed feet for summer swimming...she's fast in water!

Blaineley: What's the name of Duncan's London-based punk band. C'mon, Beth! It's easy!

Beth: Stop pressuring me! I'm thinking! Can I get a hint?

Blaineley: C'mon, Beth! Just say it's Der Schnitzel Kickers! Der Schnitzel Kickers is the answer! [the bell dings and confetti and balloons rain down] Wait. What?!

Geoff: Yes! Congratulations, Blaineley! First one to answer correctly gets a one way ticket to the Total Drama Plane. Remember?

Blaineley: Me?! Out there! With those losers?! Forget it! No one can make me go! No one! [notices three interns with bats, ropes and sacks] Except maybe them! [runs away with the interns chasing and beating her up and wrapping her in the sack]

Niagara Brawls [3.19]

[Owen screams and wakes up from his nightmare and everyone was seen falling]

Owen: Wake Up, Guys!

Courtney: Huh.

[Everyone screamed as they fall and two swan boats fall with them.]

Chris: Hey, Kids! You better get in to your paddle boats!

[The contestants grab hold of the swan boats and they hit the water with a big splash, Chris cringes in pain. The contestants come up all soaked and wet]

Courtney: If you let us live, I'll tutor any brain-dead person that requires it, even Duncan!

Duncan: If we live, I'll forget she ever said that!

Cody: If we live, I'll let Sierra kiss me. [Everyone stares at him] What? Like we're gonna make it.

Sierra: [Gasps] I..want...my...KISS!

Sierra: Don't worry, Cody. I will restore your breathing and save your life.

Cody: My breathing is just- [Sierra pins him down, kissing him] Okay, now I can't breathe!

Chris: [about Blaineley] She's two-hundred pounds of sassy in a ninety pound package and she's wearing twelve pounds of mascara! [the girls glare while the boys seem excited] It's... Blaineley!

Blaineley: [debuts in the competition, and the teams merged] Oh, whatevers. So, which one of these lame teams am I on anyway?

Chris: You're on your own, because as of right now, there are no more teams!

Courtney and Heather: [cheerfully] Yes!

Alejandro: [while shaking hands with Owen and Duncan] Well gentlemen, it's been an honor. I trust our brotherhood can continue in some manner?

Duncan: Of course, man!

Owen: Oh, sure! We're buddies all the way to the end. [elbowing Duncan] Right, Dunc?

Sierra: [running up to the slot machine] Mama needs a new pair of Cody! [pulls the lever and gasps when the slots land on Alejandro] No! [Sierra slams the door shut Alejandro's arm]

Alejandro: [stuck inside the machine] Ow!! ¡Por favor! I'm stuck!

Chris: Sierra, you've won...

Sierra: [angrily grabs Chris' shirt] THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!!

Heather: [as she is helping up Alejandro] I better take him. She won't stop unless somebody does.

Blaineley: Why do you get to take him?

Courtney: No kidding! What's up with that?

Sierra: Yep. Heather. Good enough for me.

[Courtney growls after Heather and Alejandro walk by]

Blaineley: [Confessional] What kind of TV show doesn't have a makeup department? This cast needs to get some gumption, and some agents.

Alejandro: Ready, Mrs. Alejandro?

Heather: Only if you are, Mr. Heather.

Heather: Do not underestimate Courtney, she is smart. Okay? She really annoys me but ignore that part. She should still go next.

Alejandro: I can control her, she does not get my vote. We are going against Owen.

Heather: But I want her gone! Gone! Gone!

[Alejandro and Heather stumble and fall off the rope]

Alejandro: [confessional after falling off the rope with Heather] Of course I fell on purpose. I am a gifted balancer, but it would be unwise to appear too strong right now, with the teams just dissolved. I don't require immunity, thanks to my alliances with Heather, Owen, and Duncan. So I lay in wait like a crocodilo; a devilishly handsome crocodilo.

[Sierra and Cody walk up to Blaineley and Owen]

Blaineley: Move it, love birds!

Sierra: But I'm carrying precious cargo. You should be the one to move it!

Blaineley: Are you saying I'm not precious? Because, oh yes I am!

Owen: Blaineley, would you like to calm down? Maybe we can find you some more cake.

Blaineley: Oh, zip it! Less talk, more walk.

Sierra: Cody, do you think Blaineley is a nasty, nasty person?

Cody: [as Blaineley has her hands close to his face] No! Not the face!

Sierra: Now you upset him! BACK OFF! [grabs Blaineley's hair]

Blaineley: Ow! My hair extenstion!

Owen: [when Sierra kicked his leg] Ow! My hollow leg!

[Owen, Blaineley, Sierra, and Cody scream as they fall off the rope and Duncan and Courtney walked across together.]

Courtney:

Duncan:

Sierra: Help us!

Alejandro: Go Owen!

[The other contestants ride Owen as he swam away from the sharks.]

[Alejandro, Duncan, Heather, and Sierra decided to vote Owen off due to his popularity with both the contestants and the audience.]

Chris: [at elimination ceremony] Duncan and Courtney have immunity. Everyone else is fair game. What's it gonna be? [looking at the votes] Interesting. Really?! Huh, who would have thought? Wow. Hehe.

Heather: Read them already!

Chris: Okay, okay. Hold on to your halter top. Two votes for Heather...

Heather: What?! Did Courtney vote twice?!

Chris: Two votes for Sierra-

Sierra: I'm sorry. My name is Sierra-Cody now. It's hyphenated.

Chris: And four votes... for... Owen!

Owen: What? Me?

[Alejandro flashes an evil smile on his face]

Chris: Owen, the gang has spoken. [hands Owen a parachute]

Owen: Oh, okay. Well... I'll miss you, guys.

Duncan: Smell ya later, man.

Alejandro: I'm weeping, on the inside.

Owen: You can't do it on the outside, Al? Just a little? I'd like that. Al? [Alejandro's eye and mouth starts twitching] Al? Al? Al?

Blaineley: [sobbing] I'll miss you most of all! Chubby Hubby! [continues sobbing, then stops] Was that good? [to Alejandro] Think the audience will like me for that?

[Owen takes the Drop of Shame, but gets stuck]

Owen: [laughs] Oops. Little help?

[Alejandro, irritated, gets up and kicks Owen off the plane, only to get farted on by Owen]

Chinese Fake-Out [3.20]

Heather: Stop breathing down my neck or get a mint already!

Blaineley: HY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-AH!!! [violently slaps Heather in the face]

Alejandro: Courtney is in need of some aid!

Duncan: Oh, you wanna watch her squirm for awhile? Cool!

Heather: [running so fast wearing wooden sandals] Whoa! Can't stop no traction! [crashes into the gong; points to the sandals] Those shoes are a war crime!

Chris: You didn't have to wear them.

Chef Hatchet: If she's a size zero, then I'm the Emperor of China!

Duncan: [while Chris is on the phone] If it's Courtney, tell her she's a loser!

Courtney: [walks in sight, very angry, and her hair is messed up and black spots on her] Ahem!

Alejandro: Courtney! I am filled with relief.

Courtney: Oh yeah? Well, I am filled with rage. Do you know where I landed? In a pigpen! Do you know how thoroughly I got snouted? It's a good thing I have a very strong stomach.

Alejandro: Ah. Good to hear.

Chris: ♫ A little Chinese lesson, for you. Man-man chi means "enjoy your meal." ♫

Alejandro, Blaineley, Cody, Duncan and Heather: ♫ Man-man chi. It's no raw deal. ♫

Cody: Is it roasted eel?

Chris: It's donkey meat! Local delicacy!

Heather: Ew!

Duncan: Ugh!

Cody: Ace! Where are you? Fart if you can hear me!

Blaineley: Mmm. Delicious!

Alejandro: Drop something!

Sierra: Done!

Heather: Done!

Duncan: It's a bacon double cheeseburger! Bacon double cheeseburger!

Heather: Hurry, Cody!

Cody: I can't eat Ace!

Duncan: Done!

Chris: Cody, you're out! Loser bench!

[Cody sighs in defeat]

Chris: ♫ Man-man chi means "bon appétit." ♫

Alejandro, Blaineley, Duncan and Heather: ♫ Man-man chi. What do we have to eat? ♫

Heather: It's still moving it's feet! It's hundreds and hundreds of disgusting little feet!

Chris: Live mealworms! Local delicacy!

Heather: Ugh!

Blaineley: Wow! Chef! Five stars! Mmm!

Heather: [Mouthful] Seriously?! You're enjoying this?!

Blaineley: Done!

Alejandro: Oops! My hair-tie fell.

Duncan: Done!

Sierra: Done!

Chris: Heather, you're out! Loser bench!

[Heather pukes on Chris' face]

Chris: ♫ Man-man chi. It's dinner for four. ♫

Alejandro, Blaineley and Duncan: ♫ Man-man chi. We've got room for more. ♫

Duncan: ♫ I think I'm nearly done for! ♫

Chris: Starfish on a skewer! Local delicacy!

Blaineley: Mmm. [winks at Chef, and Chris gave him a look]

Alejandro: I don't know why I'm having such hair-tie problems today.

Duncan: Bacon! Bacon!

Sierra: Done!

Chris: Duncan, you're out! Loser bench!

Duncan: [spits out a piece of starfish and sits on the loser bench; sees Courtney eating something] You’re having a snack while you watch this? You are sick!

Chris: ♫ Manman chi. Don't get the squirts. ♫

Alejandro and Blaineley: ♫ Man-man chi. We'd rather eat our shirts. ♫

Heather: [interrupts the song; angered in realization] Wait, stop! Why does Blaineley's food look so much better?!

Blaineley: It's exactly the same!

[Chris' phone rings]

Chris: [answering the phone] Listen, man.

Heather: And why does Alejandro keep bending over while he's eating?!

Duncan: I got a better question. Why does old Courtney keep chewing her cut back here?

Courtney: I do not!

Alejandro: You have a little something...

[Courtney slurps up some green stuff hanging from her mouth]

Heather: Chris, what are you going to do about all this crazy cheating?

Chris: [on the phone] Yeah, okay. Budget, blah-blah-blah, what am I supposed to do?

Heather: Get off the phone and host the flipping show! Alejandro is slipping his food back to Courtney, and someone is giving Blaineley actual food instead of gross-o-city.

Alejandro: It is a lie!

Courtney: So not true!

Blaineley: Get over it!

Chef Hatchet: I'm so ashamed.

Chris: Listen, we gotta rap this up. So, here's the deal-io. One last round -- whoever wins, has invincibility in tonight's vote. And, they get to take the person of their choice up to first class with them.

[Sierra gasps and claps]

Heather: At least switch Blaineley's bowl to prove she's not cheating, and move Courtney away from Alejandro.

Chris: Fine. Blaineley, trade bowls with Sierra. [Sierra slides her bowl to Blaineley and takes her ice cream bowl] Courtney, put this on to prove you can keep your mouth shut. [tosses Courtney a dragon mask]

Courtney: [puts on the mask; annoyed] This is ridiculous.

Chris: Let's get this done.

[Song resumes]

Alejandro and Blaineley: ♫ Man-man chi. [off-key] Man-man chi-i-i. ♫

Chris: ♫ They love to eat on The Yangtze. Man-man chi. Man-man... ♫ Huh?

[Alejandro and Blaineley both vomit while Sierra eats her dish and finishes it, thus, winning immunity]

Sierra: ♫ Cody's in first class with me and my Love-me tea! ♫

[Courtney vomits through the mask]

Alejandro: [While the castmates line up to vote] I assumed you feel compelled enough to vote for Courtney. I don't blame you!

Duncan: Yeah! Well. You go on ahead with your Heather vote. I won't miss her!

Alejandro: But, I'm voting for Blaineley.

Duncan: But, Heather busted you cheating.

Alejandro: Aww. She only made a fuss, cuz, she wants Blaineley gone. So, I will help her with that.

Duncan: You believe that?! Pfft. Jeez, dude!

[the voting tied between Courtney and Blaineley, so Chris decided to eliminate both because of budget issues.]

Chris: Blaineley... Courtney... Blaineley... Courtney... Sierra-ly... Blaineley... and the final vote goes to... Courtney. It's a tie!

Courtney: Yes! Prepare to go down, Blaineley! I am excellent in a tie-breaker situation.

[Chris's phone rings]

Chris: The producers are breathing down my neck and I'm getting a lot of lack on this budget stuff. So, I was thinking. Why don't you both take off!

Both: What?!

[Chis gave Blaineley and Courtney each a parachute.]

Courtney: How is getting rid of me going to save money?

Chris: Wait on the plane, food budget, I don't know. You're just both really annoying me.

Courtney: Prepare to hear from my lawyers and Duncan, prepare for a Personal Defamation Lawsuit while I'm at it!

Duncan: Buh-Bye!

Blaineley: Not so fast! I have something to say first! Ezekiel, he's still hiding in the Hold! Sierra, Cody's been voting you every single time! Get a clue! Heather and Alejandro, just give it up and make out already.

Heather: Can you get her out of here?

Chris: I don't know. This part is kind of fun.

Blaineley: [final last words] Oh. You wanna hear something really fun. They wanted me to host the show. You only got the job, because I said no and...

[Chris pushes Blaineley and Courtney off the plane, screaming. All was quiet]

Cody: Boy! Has it got quiet in here or is it just me.

African Lying Safari [3.21]

Duncan: Speaking of failed romance, you want me to hit the common area so you two lovebirds can start building your nest?

Heather and Alejandro: Yeah, right! As if! [realizing they're speaking in unison] Stop it!

Duncan: Blaineley was right! You two are so lame for each other.

Cody: [sitting up and dazed] I feel like a wet noodle in a blender. Ugh!

Sierra: [laying Cody back down] Don't worry. [feeds him the Love-Me Tea] This will have you up and running in no time.

Cody: Huh? [hallucinates that Sierra is a polar bear] Wha-ah, ah!!

[Due to Chef helping Blaineley last episode, he was forced to wear the penalty parka.]

Heather: Is Chef expecting a blizzard?

Chris: Behold! The penalty parka! Plus pants! Created specifically to help people sweat out their cheating ways! Lookin' hot, Chef!

[Chef throws a gourd and Sierra ducks and Cody takes the hit.]

Alejandro: We simply continue to act awkward around each other in front of the others, while we secretly combine-

Alejandro and Heather: -our powers and knock everyone else out of the ring.

Heather: [in reference to speaking in unison] That has to stop. But I am in on the alliance.

Duncan: [as a feral Ezekiel claws him and beats him up] Hey, Guys! A little help here! [Heather and Alejandro fold their arms] Seriously?!

[Duncan got eliminated for the second time because Alejandro and Heather formed an alliance and both voted him off, giving him the most votes in a 2-1-1-1 vote.]

Chris: One vote for Heather, one for Alejandro, one for Duncan, one for Sierra. [Cody whistles] And the lucky loser is...Duncan!

Duncan: [sighs] Kind of expected that! I've could've gotten a bigger chance than this- [Gets tossed out of plane, screaming]

Chris: I'm gonna miss that delinquent!

Heather: [Confessional; infuriated that Alejandro chose Cody to join him in first class] That rat! I fake agree to an alliance and this is how he repays me?! He is SO going down!

Rapa-phooey [3.22]

Cody: Sierra left me alone all night!

Alejandro: She did try to sneak in. Seven times. But I sleep with one eye open for a reason.

Cody: (hugs Alejando) Oh, thank you!

Alejandro: Please, my friend. It was nothing. (Attempts unsuccessfully to get Cody to let go of him) Could we get up before someone sees us?

Heather: I do NOT need to be insulted. Or to kiss Alejandro!

Heather: Your boyfriend is a loser to let Alejandro cozy up to him.

Sierra: Husband. And if falling for Alejandro makes somebody a loser...

Heather: I recommend you stop there.

Cody: [Confessional] It was nice of Sierra to help me, I owe her my life. But I've just caught her basket-weaving a bird's nest out of my spare undies. It has to end!

[Sierra got voted off with three votes against her, it was revealed to be a reward challenge]

Cody: I'm sorry!

Sierra: I'll wait for you! Win it for us!

Chris:

Awwww, Drumheller [3.23]

Heather: Please, Alejandro. You and I have been the greatest adversaries this game has ever seen! Is this how you wanna win it -- because I got jammed into a pit by a stupid rock? Is that the victory you want!?

Heather: Could you...put me down?

Alejandro: You will never never never vote for me.

Heather: Of course not! There's only like two votes left anyway.

Alejandro: Promise?

Heather: I promise. Now can you cut the king kong act and put me the heller down?

Heather: [Confessional] [Sierra barges in, thus startling her] If you're planning my murder, remember, we are on TV and everyone...

Sierra: We need to talk!

Sierra: [interrupts Chris as he was about to read the last vote] Wait! We've been through a lot together, so I think we should do one last thing before anyone gets the boot. BRB! [goes into the Total Drama Jumbo Jet and gets Cody's cake with the lit sparklers on it] Happy Birthday, Cody! I made it myself! [sparks land on spilled oil]

Everyone: Sierra! Look out!

Sierra: What?!

[a feral Ezekiel and other animals evacuate the plane before it explodes. After that, the plane gets blown up with a huge explosion, Alejandro shields Heather.]

Cody: Sierra!

Chris: [angiushed] My beautiful plane!!

Cody: Are you okay?

Sierra: It was chocolate, your favorite! [Heather and Alejandro rush over.]

Alejandro: Are you okay??

Sierra: Do I LOOK okay?! [she is seen charred and her hair disintegrates after she accidentally blows up the plane with the lit firecrackers on Cody's birthday cake]

Heather: Chris? Hey, Chris?!

Chris: [in sheer rage] Oh, she's fine! Although I guess with the whole BLOWING UP MY PLANE business... SHE'S OUT OF THE GAME!!! [he disqualifies Sierra, despite winning immunity]

Alejandro: So... the final three, it's Cody, Heather and me?!

Sierra: [to Cody] Cody, you must win it for both of us.

Heather: [uneasily when Alejandro offers her a high five] Whoo. Yeah. [high fives Alejandro] Uh, be right back. [she toss the votes into the campfire]

[Alejandro was supposed to be eliminated and he picks up the passports and blows on them revealing that there was one vote for Cody and three votes for him, meaning, Heather secretly voted for him]

Alejandro: [angrily] You will regret this, Heather. Oh, yes. You will regret this.

Hawaiian Style [3.24]

Geoff: First, I've got one more ex-contestant to add to the mix. It's the queen of pain-ley herself, Blaineley! [an Intern wheels in Blaineley, whose entire body is wrapped in bandages, on a dolly]

Beth: What did you do to the mean blonde person?!

Geoff: It wasn't me! Don't you remember when Courtney and Blaineley got booted out of the plane together in China? Get a load of what happened next in this previously unseen footage! [cuts to Blaineley falling from the sky onto a house] And boom! [the Peanut Gallery laughs at her]

Geoff: Look at Heather! She's like a Total Drama cockroach!

Duncan: I thought that was Ezekiel.

Courtney: [singing] Gwen's a boyfriend stealer!

Harold: Ricki-tick whoa!

Courtney: Duncan's a dead man!

Harold: Ricki-tick oh no!

Geoff: Cut! Stop the music!

Geoff: You know this is a half-hour show, right?

Harold: Technically, it's twenty-two minutes, and that includes opening and closing credits. Deer! Cody's a deer! [the contestants laugh at him]

Bridgette: Courtney, have you got a choice for Alejandro?

Courtney: I'm gonna go jaguar, Bridgette.

Geoff: Jaguar? Are you sure?

Courtney: Of course I am! They're smart, they're lean, they're fast...

Geoff: They're spotty, you shouldn't leave them alone with your kitten...Okay then!

Harold: Prepare to lose to my mad skills!

Courtney: Prepare to lose to my...sane ones!

Planes, Trains, and Hot Air Mobiles [3.25]

Chris: Except Sierra demolished my plane! Did I mention we've got no ride now? BECAUSE SIERRA BLEW IT UP?! [inhales into a paper bag]

[Cody picks up a bald Sierra who was left from the plane explosion]

Sierra: Oh, Cody. I've had dreams like this! Except in most of them, you wore a Mountie hat and a loincloth. [purrs]

Cody: Did you land on your head?

Sierra: No, silly! I'm fine. I'm fantastic! Except for my, you know, my left wrist, right earlobe, scalp and both ankles. [Cody struggles to hold her up] Which, um, are kind of throbbing with every step we take. Ow! Ow!

Cody: [as he and Sierra fall] Whuh-oh!

Chris: As usual, you two are thinking of nothing but yourselves. What about the bigger humanitarian crisis - how am I supposed to keep this face fresh without my hyperbolic chamber?

Heather: [Confessional] Now that Sierra's out of the game, it would be nice to earn points with Cody. But really, I have to help. I've been where she is. Crazy or not, no girl should ever have to be bald on national TV.

Sierra: [Confessional, furious about Chris abandoning her in Drumheller]

Alejandro: [Confessional] Heather has a way of making my focus slip, like a too-small Speedo. This race is my redemption. As long as I travel alone, she can't distract me with her clever words, or her distrustful eyes, or the way she tucks her hair behind those cute little earlobes...argh! Focus!

[Sierra offers Cody her wheelchair to use in his hot air balloon]

Sierra: So what if I perish here, my bones bleaching along with the dinosaur carcasses? It's worth it to help my Cody-bunny-candy-kins! I won't take no for an answer!

Cody: Seriously. Wow. You're amazing. You know, when I first met you, I thought you were just my number one fan. But now, you're a true friend.

Sierra: Aren't we just a little more than friends? Just a teensy bit?

Cody: Uh, sure. We're...uh...best friends!

Fireworks seller: Cody from Total Drama? He's up against Heather? Right now?

Sierra: You're a fan? Me too!

Chris: I'd go to the slo-mo to declare a winner. But... we're... kind of out of time. Yep, we are totally, completely, undeniably, out of time as... of... right... about... now.

Hawaiian Punch [3.26]

[After Alejandro and Cody tied for second place in the last challenge, they had to compete together in "Traditional Hawaiian Fire Dance of Death"]

Alejandro: Prepare to be defeated my tiny friend!

Cody: Ah! I'm too young to die! Or fry!

[Cody got eliminated because Alejandro won when Heather distracted him]

Alejandro: Give up! You know you can't win! [pushes Cody away]

Heather: Someone better win fast! I'm about to burst into flames! [pause] Oh no! Sierra just rolled into quicksand!

Cody: [while trying to defeat Alejandro] What? Sierra? Someone help her!

Sierra: No! Cody!

[Alejandro hits Cody as he knocks his jousting stick in the water as a shark eats it]

Cody: NO!

Alejandro: Consider your disarmed and DISPLATFORM! [he knocked Cody off the platform, thus eliminating him from the competition]

Chris: [laughs] Ruthless!

Cody: Please don't eat me! Please don't eat me! [gets eaten by a shark as he swims away]

Sierra: Cody! [steers her wheelchair into the ocean and saves Cody from the shark]

Heather: You can’t seriously expect us to throw these dummies into an active volcano without safety equipment.

Chris: As the saying goes, no excruciating pain, no million dollar game.

Courtney: Eh, there's no mall. We're in the jungle. Ah! Do I have to do everything myself?

Harold: Ha! Is in the bag. [Courtney kicks him in the groin]

Cody: Al hates being called Al? Gosh, Al! Owen must've called Al Al, like, a thousand times! Huh, Al? Poor Al!

Alejandro: SHUT IT!

Harold: [in a high-pitched voice while holding his groin] Hurry! There's no time to lose!

Cody: Don't give up, or the bad guy wins!

Heather: You mean...I'm the good guy?

[Alejandro makes it all the way up to the top of the volcano where Chris, Chef and the other contestants are waiting]

Chris: [holding the million dollar case] Looking for this?

Alejandro: [to his Heather dummy] Thanks for everything. [hisses like a snake and kisses his dummy]

[After Alejandro kisses Heather, she then kicks him on the groin]

Heather: A little something called "Victory"! So long, sucker! [Pushes Alejandro on the ice out the edge of volcano]

Alejandro: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hawaiian Native: Don’t you know what happens when pineapples meet lava?

[the volcano erupts and a feral Ezekiel appears and takes the money away from Heather/Chris and drops it in the volcano where it started to rumble]

Chris: Whoa! Didn't see that one coming! Any-who, RUN!!!! [Chris and the contestants run from the erupting volcano]

Chris: See you next season, I guess. [Alejandro screams and runs by after being trampled by the contestants and burned by lava] Maybe with a whole new cast, cause, let's face it, these guys are probably gonna melt. Until next time, I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total....Drama...

[a feral Ezekiel falls screaming from the sky and crashes into Chris and Chef's boat, everyone laughs, but, then swims as magma starts raining]

[after the credits, Chris and Chef pick up Alejandro and place him in a robot suit after getting severely injured and burned from the disastrous finale]

Chris: Let's get this over with already. It's freezing in here. At this rate, I'm probably gonna need some more hot chocolate and another sleeve blanket. You sure what you're doing Chef? As long as we sign the release forms, we're golden. [the robot starts to stand up] Al? Can you hear me? We're gonna need you to sign some paperwork that legally absolves the show of your little lava accident.

Alejandro the Drama Machine: Chris, the million dollars. Is it safe?

Chris: Yeah. It seems the million dollars fell into the volcano. It's gone now.

Alejandro the Drama Machine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[fade to black]

Chris: [chuckles offscreen] Spaz.