Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island are two 13-episode segments that both make up the fifth and final season.

Part 1: All-Stars

Heroes vs Villains [5.01]

Chris: Welcome to Total Drama All-Stars. After my involuntary yearlong vacation... I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love ...to hurt. [evil laugh] It's a condition of my parole. Except for the hurt part, eh, that's all McLean! [strolls down to the edge of the dock, where Alejandro the robot is waiting, along with a familiar briefcase] So, I'm bringing back 14 TD All-Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death-defying, $1,000,000 competition, ever! [Alejandro the robot holds up the open case, where the wind blows a few bills away. Chris then addresses an incoming helicopter] and here they are now! From Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, Say hello to... [The door to the chopper reveals an apprehensive looking Mike] Multiple Mike! [A hand shoves Mike off the chopper] AKA, Chester, [Mike gasps, switching personalities] –Svetlana [he gasps, switching personalities again] Vito, [His hair slicks back and his eyes narrow] and Manitoba. [Mike seemingly reverts to normal, though Manitoba's scream of “Crikey!” gives him away. He splashes into the water] Mike's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Zoey!
Zoey: [gasps] Mike! [dives]
Chris: Athletic non-supporter, Lightning!
Lightning: You call that a dive? Watch this! [prepares to dive] Sha-ugh! [gets booted off by Chef’s foot]
Chris: Bubble-Boy brainiac, Cameron! [Chef holds Cameron by his hoodie]
Cameron: This is highly illogical! [Chef tosses Cameron out the door]
Chris: Gregarious mutant lover gamer, Sam!
Sam: Not cool!
Chris: Challenge throwing dirt farmer Scott! [Scott clings to Chef’s leg in fear until Chef pries him off and tosses him out. Chef walks back and grabs Jo] Bossy bruiser, Jo, who dominated until her underling turned on her.
[Jo resists Chef shoving her out, and shoves him back]
Jo: You're a dead man, McLean! [Chef body-slams her off the copter]
Chris: [chuckles evilly] And, from the original cast... Cranky know-it-all CIT, Courtney! [Chef walks out, carrying Courtney by her ankle]
Courtney: This is not in my contract! [Chef glares and drops Courtney]
Chris: Courtney's bestie turned boyfriend stealer, Gwen! [Chef carries Gwen over his shoulders, tosses her down too]
Gwen: [free-falling] He wasn't her boyfriend at the tiiime!
Chris: Broody bad boy, Duncan!
Duncan: [free-falling, not even looking like he cares] Bring it on!
Chris: Devious Diva, Heather!
Heather: [free-falling] I hate Chriiiis!
Chris: Loveable lamebrain, Lindsay!
Lindsay: [free-falling, flapping her arms] I'm flying! [stops flapping and screams]
Chris: Super fan, Sierra! Total Drama's number one stalker- Uh, blogger!
Sierra: [with her hair slightly growing back] For Cody! [cannonballs, sending the other contestants scattering, and causing a slightly less massive splash]
Chris: [with a more malicious grin] Feral freakshow, Ezekiel!
[Chef drops a feral Ezekiel by his hoodie]
Contestants: What?
[a feral Ezekiel plummets, but is then grabbed by Alejandro's plunger]
Chris: [laughing] Kidding! [Alejandro retracts the plunger] No way is that guy coming back again. [snaps his fingers, causing Alejandro to fire off the plunger, as a feral Ezekiel screams as he is rocketed to the other side of the island] Man, It's great to be back.
Chris: Heather, Duncan, Lightning, Jo, Scott and Gwen, from now on, you're the Villainous Vultures.
Lightning: Sha-team!
Gwen: [shocked] What?! Why am I on the villains team?
Courtney: Because you stole my boyfriend and became to the new Heather.
Chris: Yeah, what she said.
Gwen: But I've done so many good things. I'm not a villain. I'm nice.
Duncan: Being bad is cool and now we're on the same team, so that's good right?
Gwen: [dismayed] I guess.
Duncan: [Confessional] Oh, man, I only came back for Gwen! She better not sulk the whole time, or I may as well be dating Courtney.
Chris: Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, Courtney, Lindsay, and Sierra, you're the Heroic Hamsters!
Courtney: Excuse me, how are hamsters heroic?
Chris: It was that, or the "Heroic Hippos."
Courtney: Hamsters it is.
Jo: Wait a minute, they have 7 people to our 6! No fair!
Chris: I needed the seat on the plane for that Ezekiel prank! [Jo glares at him] Fine, you can have the robot. [Pushes a button on the remote, sending Alejandro the robot wheeling and beeping over to the villains]
Scott: I thought your robot could talk.
Chris: [shrugged] Meh, the communications chip cracked while I was in the hooskow.
Lindsay: Was that English?
Heather: [to Alejandro who's inside the robot] Keep your distance, toaster. [Confessional; shudders in disgust] There is something about that robot which I don't like.
Sam: [walking alongside Sierra] So, Sierra, what brought you back?
Sierra: I wanna win for Cody. We would have won last time, if I didn't accidentally blow up the plane... [rubs her arm sheepishly]
Sam: [awkwardly] Oh yeah… well your hair grew back nicely.
Sierra: Thanks! It's tough to be apart from my man, but it's too dangerous for him here! [confidently] And I'm sure I can handle it long enough to win the million! [in the confessional trying not to sob] I miss my Cody-bear... [she puts her head in her hands] So much!
Heather: [pushing Jo back] Excuse me!
Jo: Uh, watch it, Old Heather.
Heather: You watch it, Newbie.
Gwen: Guys, just because Chris labeled us 'villains' doesn't mean we have to act like villains. We're a team. We should work together as a team!
[The villain members agree in not believing Gwen]
Heather: [Confessional] No way is that going happen. I...
Jo: [Confessional] ...don't trust...
Duncan: [Confessional] ...anyone...
Scott: [Confessional] ...on this...
Alejandro in the Drama Machine: [Confessional; beeping]
Lightning: [Confessional] ...team!
Gwen: [Confessional] Huh. I think that went well.
[The vulture villains laugh wickedly evilly at Gwen]
Gwen: But, Jo, wouldn’t you make a better diver since you’re so athletic?
Jo: Nobody tells me what to do, Goth-ball. And don’t even try to kiss me!
Gwen: [shocked gasp] What?! [Confessional] After three seasons of kindness, I’m reduced to evil kisser status?! For the last time, Duncan and Courtney were over before he and I started. You can’t steal a boyfriend if the boy is free!
[The other contestants arrived at the top of the cliff. Scott, Mike and Zoey look down and sees Fang waiting down below.]
Scott: Ahh!
All: Fang!
Gwen: Who?
Lindsay: [Confessional] I wanna win the million, so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip-gloss. But, I forgot how hard this is! I never thought I say this, but, no lip-gloss is worth this!
[Scott refuses to jump and holds on to a rock but Lightning tries to pull him]
Duncan: It's your turn, man.
Scott: [grunting] No, you can't make me!
Lightning: Oh yes I can!
Courtney: Here comes, Lindsay!
Mike: Good luck, not that you'll need it.
[Zoey dives.]
Duncan: You have to dive, it's you or the robot, I'm pretty sure the robot isn't waterproof.
Scott: Yeah but it's s-s-s-shark proof!
[Zoey runs and jumps into the carriage, Lindsay pushes her, she grunts]
Chris: And the heroes take the lead for the first time in this challenge!
Villains: Dive!
[Lightning pulls Scott and accidentally pushes Alejandro the robot that rolls to the edge of the cliff but then stops. Alejandro the robot beeps and says “uh-oh,” then the edge of the cliff breaks, sending him falling off the cliff, bouncing off the rocks, the other contestants watch as it falls, cringing in sympathy as it lands in the water]
Heather: [smirking] So long and good riddance.
[Alejandro the robot sinks to the bottom; Fang and the sharks swarm at it, trying to bite it, but not leaving a dent. He sparks and sputters, Fang and the sharks backing away from it in fear, then it explodes, sending him inside flying into the sky. The camera pans up as Alejandro reaches the top of their arc, revealing it's him. He winks at the camera and grins. The rest of the contestants all gasp in shock, but Heather screams the loudest]
Heather: [shocked by witnessing Alejandro was in the robot suit] You have got to be kidding me!!
Alejandro: [Confessional after being the robot suit for a year] Last thing I remember, I was burn to a crisp by the volcano and Chris sealed me up in that robot suit to heal. It feels so good to be free after all this time. I must think Scott for his cowardice. [he lands perfectly on the beach, and snags a key just as it comes near him. He raises his eyebrows as the Villains yell words of approval. Suddenly his legs become wobbly, he falls over, causing all the others to cringe before heading in the confessional again after his legs started to fall asleep] I was stuck in that robot suit for a year! My legs are so asleep, it looks like they're in a coma! WAKEY! WAKEY! Nothing!
Lindsay: [finds Alejandro again] Jalapeño?! When did you get here?
Alejandro: Silly Lindsay! I was here the whole time!
[At the elimination ceremony]
Chris: Welcome to our first elimination ceremony! How do you like the new Peanut Gallery? Huh. Now, opponents can watch someone give them the boot, before they head to the Spa Hotel for a deluxe dinner.
All: [Cheering].
Gwen: [Comes over to Courtney] Hey. Even though I technically didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry about the way the whole Duncan thing went down. But... [Hands out flowers] Here! I pick these just for you! [Courtney sneezes] Oh no! You're allergic?!
Courtney: Told you you were a villain. [Sneezes]
[Lindsay got eliminated because her ineptitude played a part in costing her team the challenge.]
Lindsay: [After she got eliminated] Wait. Do I have to ride that scary catapult thing?
Chris: Nope, this year we've got a new elimination device. [The screen flips to Lindsay in a giant toilet] Behold, the Flush of Shame! patent-pending.
[The Heroic Hamsters except for Sierra are disgusted by the new elimination device]
Mike: Gross!
Courtney: Ew!
Zoey: Yikes!
[Sierra takes a picture of the Flush of Shame]
Lindsay: Well, see you guys, it's been--
[Chris touches the button to activate the Flush of Shame; Lindsay screams and she spins around and disappears and then, water came up and everyone got soaked.]

Evil Dread [5.02]

Mike: [as Chester] There's a storm 'a coming dagnabbit! [then Svetlana] I'm scared! After all zese years, he's going to return! [then Vito] Ayo, how we gonna stop this goombah? [then Manitoba] Hush it, mates. Mike is waking up! [Wakes up as his normal self, looks around] Uh… huh, wuzzat? You guys say something?
[Sierra takes a picture of Courtney sleeping, thus waking her.]
Courtney: Gah. What the heck?!
Zoey: [wakes up] Courtney! What's wrong?
Courtney: What's wrong is that we're sharing a cabin with a super fan with a bad case of crazy.
Sierra: [giggles] Hey Courtney. I've updated the sleeping section of your picture gallery on my fan site. Whee!
Jo: I just hope Lightning doesn't find the invincibility statue. If we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong to beat later.
Scott: So, maybe we should do this right away. Throw the next challenge.
Jo: And give up all this?! No way!
Scott: True enough! This is sweet! You know what I slept on last night? A pillow, filled with feathers! Back on the farm, it's a burlap sack filled with small animals. You ever had a pillow bite your face?
Jo: I would like to enjoy my breakfast now, and that will require you to stop talking.
[Alejandro returns to the game and gets his legs massaged by an intern while Heather sits on a chair watching]
Heather: Quit hogging the masseuse!
Alejandro: [sighs] I'm sure her hands are magical, if only I could feel them.
Heather: Seriously? Your legs are still asleep?
Alejandro: [raises his head revealing two strips of wax on his eyebrows] I don't know if they'll ever wake up. I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire year. Which you'd have known, had you ever texted?!
Heather: It's not like you ever texted me. [Notices the wax strips on Alejandro's eyebrows] Are you getting your eyebrows waxed? Wow.
Alejandro: They call it "manscaping," because it is very manly. And I didn't text you BECAUSE I WAS TRAPPED IN A ROBOT SUIT!
Heather: Well, whatever. [yanks off a wax strip off Alejandro's eyebrow causing him to scream in pain; Confessional] Please. This "my legs don't work" thing is obviously bogus. He just wants sympathy. But news flash I am not falling for him! It! Not falling for it.
Alejandro: [Confessional] I've never found Heather to be more radiant. Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me. [short pause] Keep in mind, I was in a robot suit for a year.
Scott: [nudging Lightning] Any luck finding the invincibility statue?
Lighting: No need. I am an invincibility statue!
Alejandro: [Confessional] He is so arrogant! I might understand it if he had this face, but he does not have this face.
Lightning: [Confessional] "Arrogant?!" Be fair now, look at me. Sha-yeah!
Lightning: [Confessional] Sometimes when my tummy's empty, my mind ain't full. Stupid Boney Island fish. [Gags]
Gwen: [Confessional] Ugh! I can't believe Lightning made it to last season's finale. Does he ever sha-shut up?!
Lightning: [Pukes].
Jo: [holding up her shovel] Attention team! I am your leader!
Heather: No, I am! [jams her shovel back into the sand, a small clang is heard] I found a piece! [she digs it out, revealing a black statue base. Heather picks it up and starts carrying it towards the platform]
Jo: [runs over to Heather, grabs the other end of the piece] You'd never have found it without me!
[they tug at it until they accidently drop it on Jo’s foot, she screams]
Heather: [smirking] Oops, sorry. [Jo pushes Heather into the moat; crabs swarm her]
Chris: An hour has passed and the teams are still tied with one all. Which raises a pertinent question. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?
[The contestants started to bicker]
Courtney: We don't have shovels!
Sam: There's sand in my shorts!
Heather: Sush!
Lightning: I'm amazing!
Chris: Blah, blah, blah. Whine! Whine! Hurry up! I have dinner plans!
Chester: Oh, that can’t be good.
Manitoba Smith: [getting up] Hi. Do you feel that? The malevolent one, he's coming!
[Svetlana shrieks in terror; the other personalities turn to the portrait of Mike burned into a picture of Mal in a silhouette]
Sam: Ow! Jellyfish! It stung my butt! Ow!
[Everyone laughs at Sam's misfortune, especially Mike]
Zoey: How can you laugh?
Mike: Cuz, the only cure for a jellyfish sting is to pee on it.
[Sam screams and jumps in the water and pees on the jellyfish underwater; sighs]
Zoey: Ew.
Gwen: [As the Heroic Hamsters head for the spa hotel and Sam volunteers for exile to Boney Island] Hey, Courtney! I just wanna say congrats on winning for the... [Before she can finish, a garbage bag shots in the air] Whoa!
[Gwen was able to whack it with the shovel, but, it ends up hitting on Courtney]
Courtney: [Coughs] Ew. [Coughs].
Gwen: That was an accident! I...
Chris: Gwen, Gwen, Gwen. So evil. You are definitely on the right team! [she hangs her head, defeated]
Mal: [maliciously] One by one, they will all fall.
Zoey: [realizes] Huh. Did you say something, Mike?
Mike: [quickly reverts back to normal] Uh, no! Just sitting here!
[Lightning got eliminated because he miscounted the amount of puzzle pieces his team collected which contributed to his team's loss.]
Lightning: Toss away your strongest team member?! You're gonna regret this, especially you, Jo! You're a total- [Chris presses the remote button and Lightning gets flushed] Sha-AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

Saving Private Leechball [5.03]

Duncan: Ugh, I've almost forgotten about these crud-tacular cabins.
Alejandro: (sighs) Let us hope it is our only visit.
Scott: [leans back, hitting his head on the hard pillow] Ow! I miss the hotel. Now that I know how rich people live, everything I used to like stinks! [the bunk bed starts to collapse, gets a coil wire in his eye] Ow! Lousy discount bed! [punches the bed and screams in pain as nails are tacked on to his hand]
Duncan: [Confessional] Scott's okay, at least with him you know what you're getting... which is crud, but still, nice to know.
Alejandro: [confessional] After a year in that robot suit, I find it difficult to sleep if I'm all spread out.
Heather: Thanks again for blowing the challenge, Jo.
Jo: Me?! You're the one who wasted time arguing instead of digging.
Heather: I wouldn't have needed to argue if everyone just did what I told them to do. I'm the with the most experience on this team.
Gwen: [annoyed] It's everyone's fault for not working together as a team! Now cram it! I am trying to sleep!
Heather: [Confessional] "Teamwork?" Ugh, don’t make me barf. I am still gonna take control.
Cameron: (Confessional) Sierra and I have a lot in common. We're both super-smart, and we can both be a teensy bit socially oblivious sometimes.
Sierra: (From outside) Cameron, what are you doing in there?
Cameron: Like I said...
Heather: [Confessional] Leeches?! Chris is really making us earn the million this year, jerk.
Mike: [Confessional] Courtney is kind of scary sometimes. (Mal takes over) And I love when things get scary. (Changes back to Mike, laughs) So uh, what was I saying?
Courtney: [Confessional] Zoey has some seriously impressive skills. And that is why she’s got to go.
[Just then, a leech hit Alejandro]
Alejandro: Ahh! I'm hit! [falls over]
[It was revealed that Zoey was the one who hit Alejandro]
Zoey:
[The Villains started shooting leeches, Jo launches the leech-cannon, But, ends up hitting Scott.]
Scott: Ugh! Oh, c'mon! [sighs and falls down]
Chris: [laughs, over the PA] That's two points for the Heroes and zero for the Villains!
Duncan: But, Zoey only hit Alejandro!
Chris: True! But, friendly fire counts!
[everyone glared at Jo]
Jo: What?! Dirt-boy got in the way!
Heather: You can take your excuses and stick it in your...[gets hit by a leech] Ahh! [It was revealed that Mike was the one who hit her as she is trying to pull the leech off] In my hair! What is wrong with you?!
Chris: Make that three to zero!
Gwen: (Confessional) Whoops. Being in charge is harder than it looks.
Chris: Tell me about it.
Chris: [Over the PA] This just in! With a final score of 6 points to 3, the Heroes win! Although, some didn't behave quite so heroically. Courtney!
Courtney: My survival instinct kicked in! [short pause] Anyone would've done the same!
[After Jo got eliminated, Chris place Duncan on the Heroic Hamsters and Courtney on the Villainous Vultures.]
Chris: [As Jo was eliminated] But, before we get flushing, I want to do a little reshuffling. Today, one villain acted more like a hero. And one hero acted more like a villain. So, pack your bags and switch your teams, Courtney and Duncan.
[everyone gasping]
Courtney: I don't want to be a villain!
Duncan: And I don't want to be a lame ol' hero.
Chris: Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah, just... do it!
Duncan: [Sighs] It was fun while it lasted! [kisses Gwen and then, Courtney and Duncan then, switched their teams] At least now, you'll have to stop blanking me and admit that I exist.
Courtney: Yeah! You exist! SO WHAT?!
Duncan: Um. I like the blanking better!
Gwen: So, Hey. Welcome to the team. [kicks the bucket full of leeches] Ahh!
Courtney: Ahh! Eww! Ahh!
Gwen: I swear! I didn't see the pail!
Chris: [Laughs] Pure evil!
[Jo got eliminated because she constantly bickered with other teammates and misfired in the challenge, covering Scott with leeches.]
Chris: Any final words?
Jo: Just flush it already!

Food Fright [5.04]

Scott: You gonna finish your gruel?
Courtney: What? No, gross! Help yourself!
Scott: [Scrapes some off Courtney] You clean up real nice.
Hero Hamsters: Welcome to the hero team, Duncan!
Duncan: [Confessional; missing Gwen] Man, I miss my villainous babe. I bet she's having a blast.
Gwen: [Confessional] This, is the worst. I only came back to Total Drama to make things better with Courtney. [starts to cry] But now she hates me, more than ever!
Courtney: [outside the confessional booth with an umbrella hearing Gwen crying from inside, then takes her turn to use it] She came back for me? Yeah, right! She’d probably knew I’d overhear. But... how?
Courtney: Nice one, Scott. And yes, I was being sarcastic! [noticing Scott smiling at her] What? What?!
Scott: You're pretty when you're mad.
Heather: Barf!
Chris: [After Alejandro reswallows to prevent from barfing] Taste so nice, he ate it twice!
Alejandro: [Confessional; sulking] Chris will PAY for laughing at me!
Chris: [Over the intercom] I sincerely doubt it, Al! [laughs as Alejandro frowns sulkingly]
Duncan: [Confessional with his lips swollen from mouse trap] I'm not wanna care about my looks, but man, check out my lips! It's like two worms having a street fight down there.
[Originally, The Heroic Hamsters were the winners of the pancake eating obstacle-course race challenge. However, it was later revealed by Chris that Sam had smuggled some leftover pieces of pancake from the challenge in case he was sent to exile on Boney Island, thus making the Heroes forfeit the challenge. In the end, the Heroes voted Sam out of the game.]
Chris: Any last words before, you know...
Sam: I just wanna say... [Chris presses the button; he then screams and gets flushed]
Chris: Psyche!

Moon Madness [5.05]

Mal: (Pretending to be Mike) Hi! I'm a bug-eyed weirdo and everybody loves me!
[The teams have just been told they're starting a dangerous night challenge]
Gwen: How is this good news?
Chris: Entertainment value, hello? This one is gonna be ratings gold!
[Courtney was about to get attacked by the deer, but, Gwen saved her.]
Courtney: You saved me?!
Gwen: You'd do the same if our positions were reversed!
Gwen: Ugh! I can't do this anymore! [Pushes Duncan aside] It's over!
Duncan: What just happened?!
[Chris moves Cameron to the Villains team]
Chris: Ok peeps; each of you is a loser in your own right. But, the villains won the challenge, so, they've earned themselves another night of luxurious luxury at my spa hotel.
Scott: [raises his hand] I volunteer for exile on Boney Island!
Chris: [shrugs] Sure, I don't care.
Courtney: [worried] What? No! [turns to Scott] Why?
Scott: [puts his hand on Courtney’s shoulder] Sorry, babe; I gotta find that invincibility statue.
[the copter lowers its claw and picks Scott up again and Courtney sighs as he is carried away]
Chris: Ok people, tonight we-
Cameron: Wait!
Chris: [glaring] Now what?
Cameron: I volunteer for the Flush of Shame!
Sierra: [crying] Noooo!
Mike: [worried] Cameron, why?
Cameron: Sorry, Mike; I'd love to help you with your, uh, problem, but I just can't take any more of, y'know, this! [points to Sierra, who is curled up on the ground, sobbing]
Sierra: Oh, are you allergic to long grass? I can get chains instead!
Chris: [grinning] Well isn't this a perfect way to introduce the surprise twist. One of today's ejected heroes is tomorrow’s new villain! :[everyone gasps]
Cameron: [confused] What?
Chris: That's right! Instead of flushing Cameron, I'm sending him over to the villains’ side! [the heroes gasp, Sierra sounds more disappointed] Sorry Sierra.
[Mike suddenly gasps and his hair flips over his eye again and laughs, Mal returning, before pushing up his hair to look like Mike]
Cameron: I'll find a way to help you, even from the villains’ side, I promise. [extends his hand]
Mal: [grips Cameron’s hand, grinning] Gee, thanks, pal.
[Cameron nervously walks over to the villains’ side, staring up at them]
Cameron: [weakly] Uh, hi...
[everyone glares down at him; Gwen’s the only one smiling]

No One Eggspects the Spanish Opposition [5.06]

Courtney: (Confessional) With Cameron on our team, the newbie target's off my back. Next time we lose, Four-Eyes goes home. Unless he can't fix his glasses, then he'll be Two-Eyes. Still, he's out.
Gwen: The Villains team isn't entirely made up of evil people.
Heather: (To Cameron) You look nerdier than before, I know it sounds impossible, but here you are doing it, so...
Alejandro: Heather, please. I think that he pulls off a nerdy look with a generous measure of dignified flair.
Gwen: It's mostly made up of evil people.
Chris: Now, before we head home, did anyone leave anything behind that they'd like to go get?
Heather: [walks off to the rock where she hid the statue and she reaches in and starts feeling around for it] Come to mama! C'mon, [looks into the rocks] why can't I- [gasps as she realizes it’s gone, she walks up and growls to Chris] You took it! I know you did!
Chris: I have no idea to what you are referring. All aboard!
Heather: Of course Chris took my invincibility statue, who else?! You with your see-all cameras everywhere! Well WHATEVER! I am not the one going home tonight, that I promise you!
[Alejandro had the most votes, but had the immunity idol, making him automatically safe. The only vote that wasn't for Alejandro was for Heather, thus eliminating her instead]
Alejandro: Oh, I don’t think I’m leaving.
Heather: Oh yeah? Really? Why is that?
Alejandro: [finally stands on his feet, surprising the team; walks up to Heather, and pulls out the Chris head statue; revealing he stole it from her] I’ve got diplomatic immunity!
All: [Gasping].
Chris: Just immunity, Alejandro.
Heather: [very livid] You! YOU! YOU!!!!
Chris: Hate to interrupt during such a well thought-out argument, but, the only vote that wasn’t for Alejandro, was for [pulls out Heather’s photo, revealing she has been voted off] you. You, you! So, you are getting flushed!
Heather: [falls on her knees] NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Alejandro: [Confessional, hold a photo of Heather being voted off] Such beauty a toilet has never seen.
[Mal as Mike whistles a tune as he walks to the boat for Boney Island exile]
Duncan: [shocked gasp] I know that tune! [Confessional] Oh man, I knew Mike seem familiar. When I was a lonely punk in Juvie, he was running the place! But back then, his name was "Mal!" And he is bad news.
[As Heather is about to take the Flush of Shame crossing her arms looking very mad, Alejandro sits next to her on the toilet seat]
Alejandro: Now that I have avenged the shame you once caused me, the slate is clean. We can start fresh. After all, we are a perfect couple.
Heather: [angrily pushes Alejandro off the toilet seat and he falls into the lake] Let's do this!
[Chris presses the button and Heather screams as she twirls around and disappears out of sight]

Suckers Punched [5.07]

Courtney: There are only nine players left, we have to merge soon. And after what you did to Heather, good luck find an ally, Al!
Alejandro: I would've prefer it if you did not call me that name. [Confessional] Last night, I dreamt about my older, smarter, better looking brother, José. [sighs exasperated] He always calls me "Al", and I hate it! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't de-tangle!
Scott: What's wrong with the name, Al. My sister's name Al, short for Albertha! She's the county hog caller. [makes hog sounds and a real hog pounces on him] Oww!
Chris: [when the wheel lands on Fang] Say hello to your foe, Fang!
Scott: Huh? [screams as Fang appears with a mask and boxing gloves]
Courtney: Hello! Scott! Scott!
Chris: C'mon, bro! Move it, or lose it!
Duncan: Oh. I'd say that's already happened!
[Scott gets thrown into the ring by Chef and gets repeatedly punched by Fang]
Courtney: Wake up and smell the gloves hitting you in the face, Scott!
Scott:
Chris: Time's up and Fang wins, no point for the villains the score remains 1-0 Heroes.
Alejandro: [Confessional] There's only one person who I'd ever want to fight less than Heather, and that person is... [The wheel stops, and the arrow points to a blue silhouette of his brother, José; shocked gasp] No! It can't be! [everyone gasps in surprise as José appears] José!
Chris: Ooh. Dog-ey! Does Al have what it takes to stand up to his big bro?
[Jose and Alejandro stand at opposite ends of the ring]
Jose: [with venom in his voice] Buenos Dias, Al. You look tired, and in need of exfoliation.
Alejandro: I exfoliate once a week, and the only thing I'm tired of is you! [in the confessional when his voice becomes high-pitched as he whines] I knew my dream was a sign! My whole life, Jose has been better than me at everything; academics, sports, and yes, even personal grooming! [looks determined] Well not this time!
Chris: [annoyed] Enough with the touching family reunion! Start punching each other!
[The match-starting bell rings and the two brothers lunge at each other, punching and ducking. Oddly, however, they only land body hits and don't aim for the face]
Duncan: Why are they just going with body hits? It's weird!
Alejandro: [in the confessional holding a mirror] It is the family code, not the face.
Jose: [in the confessional sitting in the opposite direction, also with a mirror] Never the face.
Chris: Looks like the villains are gonna be shut out AGAIN. Or should I say, punched out!
[Alejandro lunges for a punch, but Jose jumps back]
Jose: Your technique is almost as embarrassing as the way your girlfriend with the unattractive personality burned you on national television… twice! [Alejandro growls as Jose laughs]
Alejandro: [fiercely lunges at his brother, punching him off-screen] THAT’S for calling me Al! [leaps over Jose to pummel him from behind] That's for always hogging the bathroom mirror! [cut to everyone outside the ring's expressions, everyone shocked] And replacing my soap with a urinal cake! [cut back into the ring, Alejandro rapidly winding his arms for a giant punch] AND THIS... IS FOR CALLING ANY ASPECT OF HEATHER UNNATRACTIVE! [he lunges for the final punch, sending Jose flying onto the ropes, rebounding and face planting to the ground. Alejandro simply smirks and raises one hand in victory]
Chris: Whoa, the villains get a point! And now we all know how Alejandro really feels about Heather.
Alejandro: [in the confessional looking directly into the camera] Heather? I know you're watching. I hope that last display shows you my true feelings so… [holds his hands out like a phone] Call me.
Izzy: [smells] You smell weird, but a honey cruller wrapped in rotten ham. Good in the inside, rotten in the outside.
[Courtney and Gwen collapse to their knees after fighting each other and saying the reason why they came back.]
Gwen: So, Friends?
Courtney: Totes! [She and Gwen hug each other] Friends forever!
Sierra and Zoey: Aww...
Chris: [in tears] For putting a little warmth on my otherwise frozen heart, I'm giving you both one point. That makes it 3-2. Villains win!
Villains: [cheering]
Heroes: [groaning]
[the Villainous Vultures won the challenge, and their reward was to send a contestant of their choice on the Heroic Hamsters home. In the end, they chose Sierra]
Chris: First off, I got all my missing teeth replaced, so now my handsomosity is back at 150%!!! [Smiles, none of the campers look impressed] Tonight, the winners get to choose which player is eliminated from the losers’ team. [The heroes start to gasp] Hold that gasp. And the losers are the choosers of which winner goes to Boney Island. And the teams are NOT merging! …Now you may gasp. [Everyone gasps] And there it is. Now, villains, who's going home tonight?
[The villains whisper to each other for a couple of seconds]
Gwen: [Speaks up] We've decided-
Cameron: Reluctantly, very reluctantly!
Gwen: To eliminate... [The heroes all look tense for a few seconds] …Sierra!
Sierra: Meee, but why?
Cameron: You have a real Cody back home who needs you! For some reason... Now run, Sierra; run to him!
Chris: You mean swim, but, before Sierra gets flushed, which villain is going to exile on Boney Island? Heroes?
Heroes: [All in unison pointing at Alejandro] Alejandro!
Gwen: [As Sierra is in the Flush of Shame, crying] Sorry again! Say hi to Cody for me.
Duncan: And make more of those Gwuncan videos. [Gwen glares at him] What?!
Chris: [holds up an umbrella] Hold your breath! [pushes button; flushing Sierra]
Sierra: I'm coming Cody!!

You Regetta Be Kidding Me [5.08]

[The scene begins at the spa hotel, where Gwen wakes up.]
Gwen: I just dreamed I was riding a fluffy unicorn across clouds made of marshmallows.
Courtney: [walks over to Gwen] Yeah, there's soft beds all right.
Gwen: A couple days ago, I was ready to quit. Now that we're friends again, I never wanted to end!
Courtney: I hope we make it to the finale together!
Gwen: What about Scott?
Courtney: He's cool and all, but like you said, you gotta put friends first.
Gwen: Awww...
Both: If I don't win the million bucks, I hope you do! [in the confessional] And I mean it, too!
Cameron: [Confessional] Being on the villains team is so nerve-racking. I've started sleeping with one eye open and now I can't blink it! (blinks one eye) See?
Chris: Courtney and Gwen reached Coconut Alley.
[Chef drops coconuts]
Courtney: Uh Oh! What's that?
[Coconuts pelted on the girls.]
Gwen: Hey! [Courtney almost falls off the boat] Courtney! [Pulls her up] Whew.
Courtney: Thanks, Gwen! I almost got my hair wet.
Gwen: I would never let that happen. Your hair is fantastic!
Courtney: No! Your hair is.
Duncan: [sees the dynamite] Incoming, hold tight! [he grabs the stick and pinches out the fuse and chuckles] don't mind if I do! [Chef shakes his fist and growls]
Zoey: [points off-screen at something] Is that where Chris lives?
[Pan over to reveal Playa Des Losers, the resort]
Duncan: Yeah, beautiful. [Narrows his eyes while holding up his stick of dynamite] Just beautiful. [Suddenly jumps off the boat]
Zoey: Duncan! Where are you going? [Duncan ignores her as he swims to shore]
Duncan: [in the confessional] If ANYONE thinks I've gone soft or lost my Mojo, let's just say I found a way to set the record straight.
[Chris and Chef are laughing as Alejandro tries to get his boat to start after it stalled again.]
Gwen: What's Alejandro doing? His engine must've died.
Courtney: Guess he'll have to Ale-hand-Row-Row-Row his boat! [the girls laugh while Gwen just raises an eyebrow at her. Courtney smiles sheepishly]
Gwen: [a horn honks as the boats are catching up to them] Hurry, they're gaining on us!
Courtney: Not on my yacht!
[The speedboat speeds up. Courtney and Gwen cheer. Alejandro continues to try and start his boat as the others approach faster. However, he jumps onto the tip of his boat and touches the buoy with his nose, just as Gwen and Courtney catch up]
Chris: Ooh, and Alejandro wins it by a nose! Courtney and Gwen take second place! Not that it matters; Mike, and Zoey take third. [Cameron paddles in, Scott glaring at him] And Cameron and Scott may have come in last, but they were definitely the funniest! A meal, not a snack! [he cackles like a mad hyena. Chef just shakes his head and rolls his eyes] Oh, my sides!
Scott: [Confessional] Pfft! It wasn't that funny, Chris!
Chris: [notices someone missing] Wait a minute, where's Duncan?
[Suddenly, an absolutely MASSIVE explosion goes off in the background, shaking the camera. Smoke is seen in the distance]
Zoey: What the heck was that?
[Chris pulls out his binoculars and squinted through them. He gasps as he sees what the explosion was… Playa Des Losers now stands a crumbling, burnt mess]
Chris: [horrified] MY COTTAGE!!!! [he wails loudly]
Courtney: [Looks through the binoculars] You call that a cottage?! It was a mansion!
[Pan over to the damaged resort, Duncan running away from it]
Duncan: [cackles like a maniac] Yeah, [stops and dances] WHOO-HOOO!!! Now who's gone soft? [Runs off-screen, laughing]
Chris: So many pictures of me! Gone! All gone!
Chef: We'll build you another cottage.
Courtney: It was not a cottage!
Chris: [sighs and talks flatly and dejectedly] As winner of today's challenge, Alejandro gets immunity and a night at the spa hotel ...And, he can bring one person along with him... [everyone smiles hopeful at Alejandro]
Alejandro: [smirking triumphantly] As much as I would love to bring you all ...I cannot play favorites and break all of your hearts. [everyone sighs, disappointed]
Chris: [still flatly] As for the rest of you, time to hit the voting booth... [as everyone leaves, Mal walks up to Alejandro]
Mal: [forcely perky] Hey, Alejandro! So, I was kinda wondering, since there aren't any teams anymore, um, maybe someday you and I could work together on a challenge [Alejandro raises a suspicious eyebrow], or something...? Uh, I mean, if you want? ...Maybe... [mimicks Mike’s awkward laugh]
Alejandro: Hmmm... Intriguing and unexpected... [smirks] Just the way I like to play it. [grabs Mal’s hand and shakes it] Deal! I look forward to the day we work together.
[At the elimination ceremony, Duncan was arrested by the police and was eliminated from the game after destroying Chris' cottage.]
Chris: [sighs] Good news... As a reward for making it to the merge, there will be no Boney Island for any of you tonight... [The contestants cheer; sounds whiney] Do you know how many statues of me were lost in that explosion? Five!
Courtney: Can we just get on with this ceremony already?
Duncan: [triumphantly] Told ya! Told ya I was a villain!
Chris: [sounding a bit like his old self] Before you vote for the first time as individuals, I have a special surprise for [glares at Duncan] Boom-boom over here.
Duncan: [sarcastically] Aww, Chris, you shouldn't have!
[Two cops walk up to Duncan, one putting his hand on Duncan’s shoulder]
Cop: You're under arrest for the destruction of a private cottage.
Courtney: It was not a- [lets out an annoyed growl]
Gwen: Way to go, bad boy! I hope looking cool is worth getting locked up again.
Duncan: It is! I'm gonna rule Juvie!
Chris: Juvie? Um, you destroyed a MAJOR piece of property. It's a big boy jail for you, bro! And it's gonna be a real slammer! [Chuckles]
Duncan: [Now looks nervous as the cop grabs him by the wrist] Wait, it was an accident! [the cops start dragging him off] Come on guys, have a heart! I-I didn't know you weren't supposed to put a toaster in the microwave! Agh, snuggle-muffins!
Chris: [Back to his cheerful self] Ah, justice! It's voting time!
Chris: Well, I believe this is a first! The votes have been tallied, and it's unanimous! Tonight's Flush o' Shame recipient is... [turns the photos around, revealing Cameron X'ed off] Cameron!
Cameron: [shocked] WHAT?! How can it be unanimous? I didn't vote for myself!
Zoey: I didn't vote for him either!

Zeek and Ye Shall Find [5.09]

Chris: Hey, roomie! Since my house got destroyed it looks like I'll be staying here! Hey! It's no fun for me, either, huh. [takes off his towel and it gets tossed into Alejandro's face] I lost everything! [gets in the hot tub] Including my swim trunks!
Chris: [on TV] Welcome to episode 100 of Total Drama! To celebrate, I have an extra special 100th episode challenge. [laughs] I hope no one is allergic to rhinoceroses or fire or poison smallpox. [a feral Ezekiel pops up]
Gwen: Is that?
Chris: You're a real formaldehyde-
Everyone: LOOK OUT!
Zoey: LOOK! LOOK!
Chris: Please, don't interrupt. I-
[a feral Ezekiel puts a bag on Chris' head and kidnaps him and shuts down the TV as Chef spits out his coffee on the TV screen as it drips on the keyboard, causing the other TVs to shut down]
Scott: Ladies first. Or is that wrong, because this is dangerous? Or is that wrong because this is the 21st century? Or is it the 22nd?
Chris: [he is now tied up and his hair oddly floating upwards as he chuckles nervously] Hardy har, har, Chef, yep, you got me! [the camera rotates and zooms out, revealing that Chris is now dangling over a pit of toxic goo, a feral Ezekiel hunched over nearby] Chef? [a feral Ezekiel breathes heavily in a laugh-like way, rubbing his hands/claws together] Ezekiel? [laughs a bit] Hey, buddy! Looking good... [zoom in on a feral Ezekiel’s sharpened teeth as drool comes out] Quite the killer drool you got there, [the drool drips down onto the ground, sizzling as it eats through the rock. Chris gets more nervous] That's toxic waste exposure there... for yah... am I right? Um... [a feral Ezekiel growls] What's up, you upset with me, or something? [a feral Ezekiel makes inhuman noises and waves his arm like he’s trying to communicate] Um, I'm not very well versed in Freakezoidal interpretive dance... But I'll take that as a yes!
Cameron: I'll distract Zeke, you get Chris! [Gwen is about to say something, but Cameron interrupts] You saved my life; I owe you this! [runs out in the open] Yoohoo, lookie lookie! [waves his arms] I'm a big distraction! [a feral Ezekiel stops, and vomits out acidic goop at Cameron; but the goop misses] Ha, you missed! [the ceiling crumbles] Uh-oh... [rocks tumble down from the ceiling and crush him]
[a feral Ezekiel hisses triumphantly, before the sound of a cannon reloading was heard]
Gwen: [now holding the meatball gun] This is for Cameron! [shots at a feral Ezekiel and the others cheer as Chris falls down and rushes to the rock pile] Cameron!
Chris: [angered] Could have been a little gentler!!
Gwen: [digs through the rocks] Cameron!! [lifts up an injured Cameron]
Chris: [runs up to Gwen, untied] Come on, we gotta get out of here before Zeke- [gasps, upon realizing that it's too late when Ezekiel disappears into thin air, Confessional]
[Cameron got eliminated after a feral Ezekiel crushed him by a rockslide in the mines during the challenge, making him unable to compete in the competition anymore due to severe injuries.]
Chris: [At the elimination ceremony] Gwen wins our never to be repeated or spoken of again Challenge! She saved all of us. But, more importantly, she saved me. So, I'll honor the deal Chef made. The spa hotel is yours, Gwen. Who's heading for exile on Boney Island?
Gwen: Alejandro!
Alejandro: [sighs] First my boot and now this.
Chris: And as for who goes home, no vote is required. [Chef pushes Cameron who was bandaged and in a bubble] Cameron is too injured to continue. So, as my rules and my cruel streak dictate, he must be flushed.
Zoey: I’ll miss you, Cam.
Cameron: [muffled] I’ll miss you too!
Gwen: You get better, okay?
Cameron: [muffled] Thanks, Gwen. Bye, Mike.
Mal: Oh, Mike’s gone. I’m Mal. And I let you fall. So long, sucker. [snickers evilly and Cameron muffled screams horrifyingly and Chef pops the bubble and Cameron gets flushed down the Flush of Shame]

The Obsta-Kill Course [5.10]

Alejandro: (Confessional) Chris is lucky I have a bigger problem to deal with. Mal! Good thing I have a DVD full of incriminating footage hidden in the hotel. When the time is right, bam! I'll expose that phony or my name is Alejandro Burrosmuertos.
Chris: (laughs) Tell them what your last name means! (laughs)
Alejandro: It's a very respected name where I come from. Very respected!
Mal: Better watch your step, pal. Or is it Al?
Alejandro: Quite a warning coming from the guy who tampered with the votes.
Mal: So what? Who's gonna believe you, the most manipulative guy in Total Drama history?
Alejandro: True, I'm not known for being trustworthy. That's why I have procured a DVD full of evidence of you at your shiftiest. Your hours here are numbered, pal. Or should I say...Mal. (Mal threatens to break Alejandro's wrist) Wait! My people have a saying! ¡Burros muertos no hablan!
Mal: Dead donkeys don't talk?
Chris: (laughs) Alejandro "dead donkey"! (laughs)
[Zoey and Gwen laugh and then, Courtney came over glaring.]
Courtney: You two better not be talking about me kissing Scott and Cameron!
Gwen: [Gasps] You kissed Cameron?!
Courtney: [Confessional] Oops!
Chris: But, everyone else wants Alejandro to surf the porcelain wave machine!
Alejandro: [Sighs] Man!
Chris: Gee. What a shame!
[Alejandro takes the Flush of Shame after being voted off by Mal]
Alejandro: This show just got 100% less beautiful! But I’m not the real villain, a greater evil is lurking!
Chris: [fake yawns] Boring! [presses the remote button and flushes Alejandro]
Alejandro: [to Zoey while spinning around, getting flushed] The truth is in the art! It’s in the AAAARRRRRTTTTT!!!!

Sundae Muddy Sundae [5.11]

Gwen: Second-last?! Right to the end, my butt.
Courtney: I can explain!
Scott: You gave me a TAIL?! Wow!
Courtney: Wait!
Gwen: Oh, please, even you can't talk your way out of this one.
Courtney: Ugh. Sensitive much.
Gwen: [Confessional; infuriated] Courtney was only pretending to be my friend?! Ugh! How did I now see that?! She's going down.
Scott: [Confessional] A tail! And it's pointed, like a rat tail! I will never forgive her for this, NEVER! Not unless she really really wants me to.
Courtney: [Confessional, excited about the challenge] Whoo! Yes! I know my sundaes. I worked at an ice cream shop for three weeks, then I got fired for flinging a scoop of raspberry swirl at a customer. But she started it with all her "Excuse me, excuse me". I was on my break!
Gwen: [arriving at the swamp] Whoo! Stanky!
Chris: Gwen's first to the cherries! Will she keep her lead? Not if Snappy has anything to say about it!
Gwen: Snappy?!
["Snappy" the crocodile, emerges from the water.]
Courtney: [she picked up the chocolate coals and adds it to her sundae] The coals are still warm! They're making my ice cream melt! [a bird pukes on her sundae] Eww. Meh. [Confessional] What?! It's for Chris's interns! And he never feeds them anyway!
Zoey: [Confessional] It's not like Mike to enjoy someone else's misery, even if it is Courtney's. Hmm. When Alejandro was making that big goodbye speech, he said there was "greater evil" lurking. He also said "the truth is in the art". Man, typical Alejandro. Hot and infuriating right to the end.
[Mike/Mal revealed an elimination chart made by Courtney to the other contestants, which upset them, especially Gwen. Courtney tries to find a way to make it up to her, so Gwen asks Courtney to vote for herself at the next elimination ceremony. Courtney does so, but ends up eliminating herself from the game in a 3-2 vote.]
Chris: I tabulated the votes and tonight's loser with three votes to two is Courtney!
Courtney: You can't flush me yet! I'm still eating. [Tries eating her gross sundae]
Chris: That's the spirit! Never give up! [flushes Courtney]

The Bold and the Booty-ful [5.12]

Gwen: One intact portrait coming up! How hard can it be? [gasps upon realizing the destroyed cottage] Why did I ask how hard could it be? [Confessional, infuriated] Thanks again, Duncan!
Scott: [Confessional, with a treasure chest on his head] Sharks are nothing like pigs!
[After the scavenger hunt challenge, Chris eliminated Gwen from the game due to her re-painting one of Chris's self-portraits with bear poop]
Chris: [smells the painting] Ugh! What's that earthy aroma?
Gwen: Oh. It's avant-garde, it's stylized. It's...it's... [sighs] It's bear poop!
Chris: [pukes on the painting] For showing up last and defacing my portrait, Gwen gets the flush!
[Zoey gasps]
Gwen: [gasps] What?! No fair! Scott and Mike came back empty-handed!
Chris: True! But, they didn't make me do this! [pukes on the painting]
Gwen: [sighs in defeat] Fine!
Gwen: [As she was in the Flush Of Shame] Good luck, Zoey! I really hope you win!
Zoey: Aww, Thanks! Next time, I hope we're on the same team!
Gwen: Next time?! Oh no! No way am I ever coming back to this dump! [screams as she gets flushed]
Chris: Who to flush next? It all comes down to who you wanna battle in the finale. Scott or Mike.
Zoey: [Confessional] I wanna bring Mike to the finale. Not Mal. But, if I ditch Mal now. Mike could be lost forever. Ugh. Love. Pfft. Seriously! [end confessional] I promised to have a friendship finale. But, things had seriously changed since then. [Chris yawns] But, I'm a girl of my word. So, sorry Scott.
[Zoey won immunity, and her reward was to vote off a contestant of her choice. In the end, she chose Scott]
Scott: Oh. [gets in the Flush of Shame] You're making a mistake. Mike's a total scammer. You don't know what you're in for.
Zoey: Thanks, Scott! But, I know exactly what I'm up against and who.
[Mal looks suspicious and Chris pushes Scott in the toilet and flushes him]

The Final Wreck-Ening [5.13]

Mal: Don’t you get it Zoey? There’s no longer a choice. [whispers into Zoey’s ear] Mike is gone. And he’s never coming back.
Zoey: [Confessional] Is Mike really never coming back? No, that’s just what Mal wants me to believe. I hope.
Owen: [during his last appearance] Thanks, Chris, these double deep fried beans really do the trick, watch! [he grunts, as a balloon starts inflating behind him and Chris cringes as a large popping sound is heard] …mommy.
Chris: (gasps) Oh no! Are you two... DATING?
Mal: Huh? [camera zooms out revealing his tower has disappeared] Impossible. Where’s my tower?
Mike: It’s gone, Mal. It’s gone for good.
Mal: [last final words; angrily] No. NO! It’s MY time!! MINE!!!!!
[Mike's ending]
Chris: Mike wins a million dollars!
Zoey: Oh Mike! I'm so proud of you!
[Mike is hit in the face by Chef's spaghetti]
Chef: I was just cleaning it and it went off.
Gwen: Way to go Mike!
Cameron: Great to have you back buddy.
[Zoey's ending]
Chris: Zoey wins a million dollars!
Mike: Alright Zoey, way to- [gets food thrown in the face]
Chef: I was just cleaning it and it went off.
Gwen: Way to go Zoey!
Cameron: You deserved it, nice win!
[Chris's phone rings]
Chris: [Sighs] It's the network! [Answers the phone] Yes! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Okay, done! [Ends the call] They're so happy that they want to go straight to a new season with an all new cast! [Suddenly, the ground shook] Um. What's going on?!
Cameron: Chef! What did you use to make these moats?
Chef: A fracking machine!
Gwen: Whoa! You can't say that on TV!
Cameron: A fracking machine is a hydraulic drill. You can't use it on an island this small. It's dangerous!
Chris: Why? What?! What could happen?
[Suddenly, water spouts out]
Cameron: [panicking] The island is SINKING!!
[Everywhere on the island, water starts to burst out; the Flush of Shame, the confessional, the mines, the cabins, and the main lodge until the entire island completely sink.]
Heather: Cheated out of a million bucks, AGAIN! I hate this show!
Alejandro: But, we have the greatest consolation prize of all... each other.
Heather: Great. JUST great. [Fang pops up as well; the two swim off as Fang chases them]
Mike: We should do this again sometime.
Zoey, Cameron and Gwen: No!
Chris: Well, that's it for our very first All-Star season. But don't worry, we're coming back with a brand new cast! And I guess a brand new island too. [chuckles] Until next time. I'm Chris McLean, and this has been... Total... Drama... All-Stars!
Owen: [last lines during his water skiing ride] Look, mom! I'm water skiing! [yells and wipeouts and lands in the water as he laughs] That was awesome!

Part 2: Pahkitew Island

So, Uh, This Is My Team [6.01]

Chris: Welcome, Total Drama fans! Put on some clean undies, cuz, things are about to get wild! [Laughs] 14 spanking fresh contestants and a totally brand new location; [Pans out to reveal the new Island] A Cree island located in western Canada. [Cuts to the scene where Camp Wawanakwa sank in the All-Stars finale] As you might recall, during our heroes vs. villains finale, someone, and I prefer to remain nameless, accidentally destroyed our old island. [Cuts back to the new island] So this is where we landed! No shacks, no showers, no hotels, no hot tubs. The only things we managed to save were the outhouse confessional and all the horrible butt smells that live in it. [An intern comes out gasping for breath and faints] It'll be the roughiest roughing it, that's ever been roughed on Total Drama. So, buckle up! This is Total Drama Pahkitew Island.
[after the theme song, the scene cuts to a zeppelin flying across the sky carrying the 14 new contestants. Inside the zeppelin, Ella is humming to herself while Sky takes out a piece of gum before turning to Max.]
Sky: Want some gum?
Max: You’re offering of simple confectionery will not save you [devious look] from the pure evil of me! [normal look] But yes, thank you. [He takes the gum and chews it before choking and coughing it out. He gasps.] Cinnamon; there is no need for you to be that spicy.
[cuts to Dave]
Dave: [chuckles] That guy's a little [hears Leonard making a noise and waving a stick behind him] weird.
Leonard: “EXPERIENCE!” I know many spells to ward off evil
Dave: Um?
Ella: [places her hand under Dave’s chin] And there's nothing that can't be made sweeter with a song! [she starts to sing and dance like a ballerina away as Beardo begins to beat box]
Beardo: [beat box sounds] Song!
Amy: [disgusted] Switch seats with me, right now! [she and her sister Samey switch seats and suddenly notices Jasmine and is terrified] GIANT!
Jasmine: Are you and I going to have a problem?
Amy: [tugging on Sammy’s shirt] Switch back, NOW!
[Topher runs passed them; looking for Chris]
Topher: Chris! I don't get it. Chris? [he then runs passed Sugar and Scarlett] Chris has gotta be here someone [looks at Sugar] Anyone seen Chris? You seen Chris? [Sugar grab him and pushes him against the exit door]
Sugar: Stop your fidgeting! You scuff my pageant shoes and I’ll toss you out the window! You’ll be squished flat in 2 minutes.
Scarlett: [correcting Sugar] Actually in the first 14 seconds he would fall 1800ft. Then he would reach terminal velocity and drop 176ft per second. So if we’re flying at the recommended height at 32000ft, he would hit the ground in 3 minutes and 6 seconds.
[Pans over to Rodney and Shawn]
Rodney: Wow, that girl has some real brains, huh?
Shawn: [terrified; covers his head] Brains? Whose brains? No one is getting my brains!
[Chris and Chef arrive at Pahkitew Island and get ready to meet with the new contestants]
Chris: Welcome to Pahkitew Island! On my left, those that had actual parachutes; Scarlett, Topher, Rodney, Jasmine, Max, Amy, and Samey.
Samey: Um, it’s Sammy.
Chris: Amy says that everyone calls you Samey.
Samey: Well yeah but that…
Chris: Because you’re the second twin, the lesser Amy. If you will.
Samey: But my real name is…
Chris: YOU'RE OFFICIALLY SAMEY!
Samey: [confessional] This is unfair. I auditioned for Total Drama to get away from Amy.
Chris: Your team is called “Pimapotew Kinosewak; Which is the Cree meaning for the “Soaring Eagles”.
[an icon of a soaring eagle appears]
Sky: No sorry, wrong, it means the “Floating Salmon”.
Chris: Oh, then I guess you’re the floating salmon. [an icon of a floating salmon falls and knocks away the soaring eagle icon] Those without shoots; Shawn, Leonard, Ella, Dave, Beardo, Sky, and Sugar. Your team is called “Waneyihtam Maskwak”; which in Cree means “Ferocious Tigers”.
Sky: [interrupts] The “Confused Bears”.
[an icon of a bear with a question mark appears]
Chris: [rips up the note and talks to Chef] That’s what you get for using a free online translator.
Chef: My bad.
Chris: Any who, since there is no place for all to sleep tonight, we figure your first challenge will be to build your own shelters.
[Sugar mumbles and she sits on a rock. Beardo makes a fart noise as Sugar is embarrassed]
Sugar: Oh, that was not me. A lady never farts. Unless it is her natural talent for a pageant and…
Chris: [whistles, interrupts] HEY FART MONSTER! [pans over to a giant pile of junk. Chris is on top.] I WAS TALKING! [everyone walks up to the pile] Each team must take supplies from the common area before they began to build it. But these supplies are guarded by Chef! Armed with a powerful tennis ball blaster. [jumps to the ground] A glancing glow can sting.
[Chef fires a tennis ball and hits Dave in the head]
Dave: Ow! [Sky gasps] That only hurt a little.
Chris: And a direct hit can take you right to the ground. [Chef fires another tennis ball. It hits Max in the stomach; knocking him to the ground holding his stomach in pain.] Will someone help this little boy to his feet? [Topher picks up but he accidentally drops him] Oh good enough. On with the challenge, Team Maskwak will build their shelter further inland; Team Kinosewak, towards the beach. Best shelter according to me wins the challenge. Begin! [blows horns]
[Beardo got eliminated because his unique ability to mimic any sound annoyed his team too much.]
Chris: [holds a plate of Marshmallows] You all know this by now. If you get a marshmallow, you are safe. The following players are safe; [throws them to the ones that are safe] Sky, Shawn, Dave, Sugar, and Ella.
Ella: Yay!
[Sugar growls]
Chris: Beardo, you did very little to help your team and tried to convince us that Sugar farted. Leonard, you think you're a wizard, and you convince your team to build something very very stupid.
Leonard: “ALA [moans] FORGETOUS!”
Chris: Uh, yeah. Okay! And the last marshmallow goes to... [Leonard and Beardo look nervous] Leonard! [throws him the marshmallow]
Leonard: Marvelous!
[Beardo makes Pac-Man dying sound]
Dave: [sighs in relief] Game over.
Chris: Beardo, it’s time for you to go home and this seasons mode of transportation is very fitting because Pahkitew is the Cree meaning for “Explosive”. [Looks at Sky] Am I right? [Sky nods] Good, so this seasons mode of transport is sure to go off with a bang. [cuts to a strange thing covered by a huge tarp] Further ado, I give you the cannon pummel of embashment the Kablam of chargin this season's humiliating way home, the Cannon of Shame. [Beardo pops his head out from the cannon] Any last words? So “Breado”? [he’s about to push the firing button before Beardo makes an exploding sound. Chris is annoyed] Enough! [he fires Beardo out]
Beardo: It was really nice meeting all of youuuuuuuuuuu!

I Love You, Grease Pig! [6.02]

Amy: (Confessional) After I was born, Mommy and I had to wait seventeen minutes for Samey to come out. Ugh, can you imagine? If I could have walked, I would have left without her!
[Leonard got eliminated because his constant attempts to use "magic" cost his team the challenge.]
Leonard: [As he was in the Cannon of Shame] Aww, nuts!
Chris: Check this out, Chef! I'm going to show you a magic trick of my own. Watch in amazement as I make this contestant disappear!

Twinning Isn't Everything [6.03]

Chris: Did I hear singing, again?
Sugar: Yes! On account of her sing-song, she got us hit with balloons filled with mustard, relish and...some third thing I can't identify.
Ella: If my singing was the cause of that, then I-
Chris: Okay, as long as the singing caused you pain, Ella, I'm happy!
Samey: (Confessional) Whenever I have something Amy wants, she just takes it! Always, always, always! Huh...always...
[Samey was the contestant with the most votes. However, Amy had a reaction to a poisonous apple that Samey gave her, which prevented her from being able to speak. Samey then takes Amy's identity and uses this as a way to stay in the competition. It is because of this that Chris accidentally eliminates Amy under the impression that she is Samey.]
Chris: Can't understand what you're saying Samey, and it really doesn't matter. 'Cause, you've been voted off!
[Amy screams in horror]
Samey: Bye Samey! Have a nice flight!
Chris: I wish I can understand. It sounds really important. [shoots Amy off the island]

I Love You, I Love You Knots [6.04]

Samey: Hey, you're going foraging without me?
Jasmine: Gee, Amy, you've never gone foraging with me before. That was something Samey did, ie: not you.
Samey: Right! I mean...foraging, ew! I'd rather wear those shorts.
Jasmine: There's the Amy I know! Come on, then!
[Rodney got eliminated because he had difficulty telling the truth about his feelings, getting his team electrocuted repeatedly, and ultimately lost the tiebreaker challenge when he taunted Clucky.]
Chris: Rodney! You could be going home because, you caused your team to get repeatedly shocked by failing to tell the simple truth. Scarlett! You could be going home because, because, you... Fine! It's Rodney! Eat up!
Chris: Hold that thought! [Rodney blasted off in the air and then, lands in an oncoming battleship, and Chris looks through his binoculars.] I think I just saw someone's battleship.

A Blast From the Past [6.05]

Sky: [realizes that someone is missing] Um? Where's Shawn?
Shawn: [hiding in the confessional] I should have woken Jasmine but waking her would have alerted the zombie horde and put us both in danger but mostly me but her to self-preservation comes first. I'm ready, I've trained for this. [confessional ends as he hides in the woods] You want to fool the dead? You gotta smell the dead. Oh yeah, my brain is working just fine. [splashes a fish on his head]
Chris: He's probably lost in the woods, you know how this island could get? Go find him, would ya? [he leaves as Chef drives his boat]
Shawn: [confessional] Smell like a zombie, move like a zombie. Zombies think you're zombie. My plan, set up a home base behind the waterfall. Search for Jasmine if she's not a zombie I'll ask her on a date.
[cut to the woods where Shawn is still a zombie]
Chef: GOTCHA!
Shawn: Zombie Chef! [gets chased by him as Chef jumps on him]
Chef: Where you've been hiding? In the dumpster?
Shawn: Chef! You're you! God! Listen! Zombie apocalypse, here, we can hide behind that waterfall. What? The waterfall, it's gone!
Chef: You must be hallucinating from the stink! [puts him in the truck]
Amy: You'll pay for this, Samey!
Samey: Like the way you always make me pay when we go to the movies?
Amy: You're lucky I let you sit behind me!
Samey: You're lucky I don't tell everyone you still suck your thumb!
Both: You're the worst sister ever!
Shawn: [Confessional] I think I've just made a big mistake.
Jasmine: [Confessional] I think I've just made a big mistake!
Samey: That means Samey as in her as to go again. Right?
Amy: Ugh. I'm Amy. How can anyone think that was me. Samey's a bowl of mush and I'm a parfait which is German for perfect.
Samey: So what's German for Bossy Blonde Cow?
[Amy tacked Samey and they both started fighting.]
Chris: Shush. Which is polite or shut it. I do not care who's who. Know why. Because this time, you're both going into the cannon.
[Due to Amy's surprise return and their subsequent fighting, Samey ended up losing the challenge for her team. To prevent anymore complications, Chris eliminated the both of them.]
Amy: No.
Samey: Why me?
Amy: Why me?
Samey: I'm the nice one.
Amy: She cheated.
Chris: [As Amy and Samey goes in the Cannon of Shame] And to make it fair, maybe Samey should come out first this time! [Amy and Samey blasted off in the air.] So nice to see family traveling together!

Mo Monkey, Mo Problems [6.06]

Topher: (On Chris' cellphone to the producers) How old is your host Chris McLean, sixty or sixty-five? Really? Guess those were hard years...
Scarlett: (Confessional) The plan was for Max to be the only one not in the trap, so that the team would know he built it and vote him off. Now I need to find a clever way to make him admit it. This won't be easy...
Jasmine: I bet Sky made this trap!
Max: Ha ha! Wrong, fools! It was I! Me!
Scarlett: (Confessional) Much easier than I thought.
[Despite Wanyihtam Maskwak winning the challenge, Chris disqualified Ella after he found out that she was caught singing by Sugar, which is something Chris refused to allow. Sugar did so by giving Chris an anonymous note. Ella performs one last number before her exit, to say that she enjoyed her time on the show and that she will miss everyone.]
Chris: Huh, huh?! What the?! I didn't okay a musical bit!
Ella: [singing] ♪ My time on the show is finished and done, but that's not to say I didn't have fuuuun. I'll do my best not to cry. But, now I have to say goodbye. ♪
Chris: No! Knock it off!
Ella: [singing] ♪ I came on Total Drama and survived it just fine, with only minor damage to the base of my spine. I gave it my best try, but now I have to say goodbye. I'll miss you all from tall to small, and even this little gnome. ♪
Max: Hey!
Ella: [singing] ♪ So long my prince, you made my heart wince, and now I'm headed home. I broke the rules and now I'm paying the price, and soon will be launched from this cannon device. I'll do my best not to die! 'Cause now I have to say goodbye! ♪ [gets blasted off the island]

This Is The Pits! [6.07]

Chris: I shot her! With a cannon off the island.
Sugar: Them two being lovey-dovey only means one thing - an alliance! We gotta keep them apart, or else it's game over for one of us.
Shawn: Probably you.
Sugar: Or we could form an alliance of our own.
Shawn: (Confessional) There's no nice way to say this...I'D RATHER BE EATEN BY A ZOMBIE!
Max: [to Sky] You're in my seat. Gone with you!
[Sky gets up and joins the Kinosewak team]

Three Zones and a Baby [6.08]

[Topher got voted off because he was tricked into thinking that he would become the new host of the show. However, Chris reveals that it was all a prank, and Topher was instead eliminated from the competition]
Chris: [As Topher was in the Cannon of Shame, clueless] You've got a lot to learn, kid. (laughs) Later! [Topher is blasted off in the air] Good riddance!

Hurl and Go Seek [6.09]

Chris: Everyone! Grab some chunks!
Chef: [whispers] This stuff expired in 1976!
Sky: [starts getting infuriated] Ugh! You were never my boyfriend and you will never be my boyfriend and you have no shot of beating or dating me! Got it?!
Dave: Please let me be your boyfriend?
Sky: [starts getting infuriated] Ugh! I need you to hear this! No!
Dave: But...
Sky: No more buts! Just no! [starts walking away] Bye, Dave! [Confessional, clutching to her stomach] I think the stress of telling Dave to leave me alone is giving me an ulcer! I'm just gonna double back to my hiding spot and wait it out until sunrise!
[Shawn was able to rescue Jasmine, not refusing to make the same mistake again]
Shawn: [swings in] Jasmine! I'm coming to save you!
[Dave was in the Cannon of Shame, after Sky harshly rejects him and he voted himself off the show.]
Chris: Any final words he'd ask, as if, there might be one last desperate attempt to capture love.
Dave: Sky! If you don't win and feel like getting in touch. [notices that Sky isn't here to bid him farewell] Fire!
[Chris activates the Cannon and Dave got blasted off the island]
Sky: Dave! Wait, I... [sighs as she was too late]
Chris: Well, Dave is gone, and it might seem wrong, but it is what it... [tree explodes] is? Who's next to...to...to... [the island is transforming] cannon? Um, yeah. Here on Total Drama Pahkite- [island changes] WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!

Scarlett Fever [6.10]

Scarlett: The island is mine! Mine!
Max: Enough, nonsense sidekick! Step away!
Scarlett: I...am...NOT...your... [takes off her glasses and turns to Max with an angry malicious look] SIDEKICK!
Max: Scarlett? You look... different.
Scarlett: [grabs Max by his jacket collar] This is the real me! The Scarlett I've kept hidden until now! Biding my time, waiting to strike! I, Am, EVIL!!! [laughs evilly]
Max: [Confessional, sucking his thumb].
Jasmine: [as the Chris promo-bots came marching their way] It's like an army of zombies!
Shawn: Z-Zombies! [jumps up and demolished the Chris promo-bots, one by one] Headshot! Headshot! Headshot!
Chris: Guys! Before you all die, I just wanna say... [notices Scarlett all tied up] Oh, Whoa! You took down Scarlett! Nice! Way better than dying! Am I right?
Jasmine: Yeah! No thanks to you!
Max: [gets electrocuted and the Chris promo-bot head smashes the computer]
Chris: Not the computer!
Computer Voice: Island sector A, Combustion initiated, Island sector B Chryo-Activation completed
Chris: Great!
[Chris disqualified Scarlett for attempting to blow up the island in exchange for the million dollar prize]
Chris: [At the elimination ceremony, where Scarlett is in the Cannon of Shame] I know I normally give out marshmallows to those who aren't eliminated. But, today, I feel a special ceremony is called for. You are so eliminated! [Throws marshmallows at Scarlett] You're more eliminated, than anyone's ever been eliminated! Even that beatbox guy! The whole island's a freak show!
[Chris also disqualified Max for being evil.]
Chris: [Irritated] Yeah! I think I'm done with evil for now!
Max: [Laughs until Chef grabs him, Gasps] Inconceivable!
[Scene cuts to Max in the Cannon of Shame with Scarlett]
Scarlett: No! Please! Don't send me away with him. Anyone but... [Chris blasts them off the island].

Sky Fall [6.11]

Sugar: I'm may not be able to put lipstick in these bears right now. But someday, someone, somewhere watch some movie we'll see. You know who put the makeup on that monkey? Sugar den!
[Jasmine got eliminated because Sugar pushed a tree on her, making her to come in last in the challenge and be automatically eliminated.]
Chris: Fire in the hole! [Blasts Jasmine off the island]
Sugar: Better take cover! The bus is about to move! [farts on everyone]

Pahk'd with Talent [6.12]

[last elimination of the series; Sugar got eliminated because her talent in the challenge failed to impress the judges.]
Chris: Wow! I don't know what to say. Oh wait! Yes I do! [Scene cuts to Sugar in the Cannon of Shame, crying] That was horrible! Any final words!
Sugar: I personally believe that competition shouldn't be based on points. It should be based on your general awesomeness. Which means I should not be in this cannon! [Gets blasted off the island] I'm coming, Wizard!

Lies, Cries and One Big Prize [6.13]

[last winner of the series; Shawn's ending]
Jasmine: Shawn!
Shawn: I got this for you. I hope we could still- [gasps] Did I?
Jasmine: You won!
Shawn: No! We won! If you're still okay with splitting the money, then- [he and Jasmine kiss].
[Sky's ending]
Sky: Did I? Yes! I won! I won!
Jasmine: Shawn! [picks him up]
Shawn: You're not mad at me anymore?
Jasmine: I'm very mad at you. [she and Shawn kiss]
[last scene of the series; Jasmine, Shawn and Sky are in a helicopter with Chris]
Chris: That's it for this very very off season! This is Chris McLean saying, if you can't stand the pain, stay off the Total Drama: Pahkitew Island! Um, did we forget something!
[cut to the Dave who is sitting down on the log]
Dave: [throws the remote on the floor] At least things can only go up from here. [sighs as Scuba Bear appears] Of course.

Voice Cast

All Stars Cast

From Total Drama World Tour:

From Total Drama: Revenge of the Island:

Pahkitew Island Cast

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