Not So Happy Campers [1.01-1.02]

The Big Sleep [1.03]

Leshawna: It’s 7:00 in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?!

Eva: Oh, so you’re funny now? You know what I think would be funny?

Courtney: Eva! Try to control your temper.

Eva: [to Chris] You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?!

Chris: A little. You have thirty seconds.

Courtney: [confessional] Okay, that girl Eva has got to get a handle on her temper. She’s only been here one day and she’s already thrown her suitcase out a window and broken the lock on one of the bathroom doors.

Gwen: Don't walk beside me.

Heather: Do you mind?

Owen: Can't....catch....breathe....must....have....condition.

Heather: Yeah, It's called "overeating". Look into it.

LeShawna: What's your excuse, you skinny, annoying...oh, I'm too tired for insults.

Chris: Pick it up, people! If you're not back by dinnertime, you don't eat!

Heather: Ugh, I hate him so much.

Eva: [growls] Where is my MP3 player!? One of you must have stolen it I need my music! No one is going anywhere until I get my MP3 player back.

Courtney: OK, whoever took it better give it up now before she destroys the whole camp.

Heather: Hey, guys. Wow, this place is a real mess.

Courtney: Someone stole Eva's MP3 player.

Heather: You don't mean this, do you? I was wondering who it belong to. I found it by the campfire pit, you must have dropped it.

Eva: Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!

Heather: Sure thing.

[Eva got eliminated because she had her temper after Heather stole her MP3 Player, and believed that somebody on her team had taken it.]

Eva: [sarcastically] Nice, really nice. Who needs this stupid TV show anyway?! [kicks Chris in the knee]

Chris: [clutching his leg] OW! Have a good night sleep tonight. You're all safe.

Courtney: To the Killer Bass. And to NOT end up here again next week.

Dodgebrawl [1.04]

Heather: Bring it on, fishies. Otherwise, winning three in a row just won’t be as satisfying.

Tyler: Oh, you're going down! We're gonna bring the dinner to the table, and then we're gonna eat it!

[Courtney faceplams herself]

Harold: Time to unleash my wicked skills.

Leshawna: Yeah? Then bring it, string bean! Let’s see what you got!

[Cody throws the ball to hit DJ but, he ducks and the ball hits him on his bottom]

Chris: That is one tough ball to dodge!

Heather: Why don't you dodge this?! [she throws a canoe to hit Tyler]

Tyler: Ow!

Chris: Gophers, what happened?

Noah: What can I say? Weak effort. [the other gophers glare angrily at him]

Gwen: Oh, shut it, Noah. [walks off]

Heather: You know, for once, I agree with her. [walks off as well]

[the female gophers including Cody get up from the bleachers and leave]

Noah: Touchy. [the boys glare at him] I'll tell you, the team spirit is severely lacking lately.

[Noah got eliminated because he refused to participate in the dodgeball game, and ticked off his teammates by being overly sarcastic.]

Noah: [after he got voted off by his fellow teammates] What, are you kidding me?! [Lindsay receives the final marshmallow] All right, see if I care. Good luck, because you just voted out the only one with brains on this team. [the members of the Screaming Gophers start pelting him with marshmallows]

Leshawna: You need to learn a little thing called respect, turkey!

[the other gophers cheer]

Noah: Whatever. I'm outta here. [leaves to the Dock of Shame]

Not Quite Famous [1.05]

Lindsay: [obviously playing diversion] Gwen! It's you! Hi! What are you doing here, outside the cabin, Gwen?

Gwen: Trying to get into the cabin.

Lindsay: Oh, you're trying to get into the cabin! That's very interesting! Wait, stay here! We can get tans together, and you could totally use one!

Heather: Originally, I was going to dance for you, but instead I want to celebrate team spirit with a collaboration. [Pulls out Gwen's diary, which she stole]

Gwen: [whispering to self] She wouldn't! [winces in fear]

Heather: With words by Gwen, performance by me, enjoy. [clears throat] "Okay. So, I'm trying to ignore him, but he's just so cute. If they had custom-ordered a guy to be a distraction for me here, it would have been McHottie. [Lindsay gasps; Cody points to himself, smiles, and nods, believing the words are about him. We just totally connect. He's pretty much the only person I can relate to here and I know it's a cliche, but I love guys who play guitar." [Gwen watches in horror as her diary is being read to the whole world]

Cody: Wait... I don't play guitar. [Camera pans over to a guitar-holding Trent, who Cody makes eye contact with in a confused manner]

[Gwen nervously scooches to the right and runs off.]

Heather: [closes Gwen's diary] Thank you.

Courtney: That was so mean.

Bridgette: Seriously.

Heather: [confessional] People thought I was mean to Gwen. Whatever. All I needed was four votes against Justin. Lindsay and Beth were easy. Izzy's just crazy, and Owen...piece of cake!

Owen: [confessional, eating a piece of cake, laughing] Piece of cake!

[Justin and Heather are in the bottom two.]

Chris: Justin, you reminded us all that looks matter a lot, and Heather, you're full of surprises. But reading another chick's diary out loud to the whole world? Man, that is whack. No kidding, that's really messed up, dude.

[Heather convinced her alliance, Owen and Izzy to vote Justin off, as opposed to her]

Chris: [after Justin got eliminated] Time to catch the boat of losers, bruh.

Heather: Later bruh.

Gwen: [in confessional, regarding Heather] If that evil little cow thinks she's going to get away with this, she's got another thing coming. [scene switches to Gwen knocking on the Killer Bass' boys cabin door and Harold coming out] Did you say you brought a red ant farm with you?

Harold: Yes.

[later, Heather runs out of the cabin screaming and covered in fire ants]

Gwen: [in bed] Sweet dreams, everyone! [chuckles as Heather is still heard screaming outside]

The Sucky Outdoors [1.06]

Sadie: You don’t know where we are, do you?

Katie: Yes! Okay, no. It’s so not my fault. Have you ever notice that all trees look the same?

Sadie: Ooh, I knew I should have known better than to listen to you.

Katie: What, you don’t think I’m smart enough to find them?

Sadie: You’re not exactly the best with like, directions.

Katie: Yuh-huh, I am!

Sadie: Nuh-uh! Apparently, you’re not! ‘Cause we’re L-O-S-T. Lost! [Katie blows raspberry]

Katie: Well, at least I know how do to drive, you… you have-to-walk girl. Now who’s smarter?

Sadie: Trip to the beach last year ring a bell?

Katie: Oh, I can’t believe you’re bringing that up. I did have a totally fetch bikini on that day, though. Ha.

Sadie: You drove my mom’s car into a snack shack!

Katie: It was totally in my blind spot! Whatever. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be riding the bus to the mall!

Sadie: Well, if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be able to find your way to the mall!

Katie: Oh, I know my way to the mall!

Sadie: You lean on me! [purple squirrel mimics her] If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be on this show!

Katie: [gasps; blue squirrel mimics her] You’re just saying that because I’m prettier than you are!

[The two squirrels start laughing]

Sadie: [gasps] I knew you thought that!

Katie: It’s true. Everybody thinks so.

Duncan: This reminds me of this really scary story I heard once.

Geoff: Awesome. Tell it, man.

Duncan: Are you sure? Because the story I’m thinking of is pretty hardcore.

Courtney: Ooh, we’re so scared.

Duncan: All right. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. One night, a lot like this one... So suddenly, they heard this tap-tap-tapping on the side of the car. The girl started to freak out, and by this time, even the guy was getting a bit scared. So he turned the car on and he stepped on it. When they got back to the girl’s house, she opened the door and screamed. Because there, hanging from the door handle... was the bloody hook. They say that this killer is still alive, wandering these very woods. He could be just about anywhere, really. Maybe even right [holds up his right hand wearing a hook] HERE! [The Killer Bass campers scream terrifyingly and he starts laughing evilly]

Courtney: Duncan, that was SO not funny!

Duncan: Oh, yes it was! I just wish it was all on camera! Uh, oh wait, it is!

Courtney: You are so vile. Do your parents even like you?

Duncan: I don’t know, Jumpy McChicken. I haven’t asked them lately.

Katie: We made it!

Sadie: We’re safe! Oh my gosh, guys! We got totally lost and then got in this massive fight!

Katie: And there was this huge bear, and he was all "Rahhhh! You’re in my crib, so get out!"

Sadie: And we had to run, and it was like, so scary!

Katie: Oh, Sadie, I’m so sorry I said I was prettier than you.

Sadie: And I’m so sorry I brought up the snack shack.

Katie: And I’m sorry I said your butt was too big to fit in the bus seats.

Sadie: You did?

Katie: Um, well, not to your face.

Sadie: Oh, who cares? We’re safe! And you’re my best friend and I love you!

Katie: Oh, I love you too!

Courtney: You two finished your little love-fest? [Katie and Sadie both nod yes] Good. Because thanks to you, we just lost the challenge!

[Katie got eliminated after she and Sadie had gotten lost and showed up too late at camp to save their team]

Sadie: I miss you already!

Katie: [sobs] I miss you more!

Sadie: No, I miss you more!

Katie: No way, I totally miss you more!

Sadie: I miss you infinitely more, bye!

Phobia Factor [1.07]

[Sadie lays on the end of the dock crying after Katie left]

Bridgette: Katie would want you to keep going. [Sadie continues sobbing; sighs] Come on. Let’s go back and join the others. [pulls Sadie from the end of the dock braking a piece of wood]

Sadie: No! [crying] Katie! I miss you!

Bridgette: [to Courtney] It was a long goodbye.

DJ: [gasps] SNAKE!

Cody: Chill, dude. It’s just a gummy worm.

DJ: Sorry for trippin’. Snakes just freak me out.

Tyler: I feel you. Chickens give me the creeps, dude.

Gwen: You’re afraid of chickens?

Duncan: [chuckles] Wow, that’s… That’s really lame, man.

Gwen: [Confessional] So suddenly, everyone’s having this big share-fest by the fire. Like Beth went on and on about how her mortal fear is being covered by bugs, Harold’s afraid of ninjas, even Heather admitted she’s afraid of sumo wrestlers. [end of confessional] What’s my worst fear? I guess being buried alive.

Lindsay: Walking through a minefield. In heels.

Owen: Flying, man. That’s some crazy stuff.

Izzy: Hah. I would never go up in a plane. Never!

Geoff: I’m scared of hail. It’s small but deadly, dude.

Bridgette: Being left alone in the woods.

Sadie: [sniffling] Bad haircuts.

Lindsay: Oh, okay. I change mine! That’s so much scarier than a minefield!

Cody: Having to defuse a time bomb under pressure.

Courtney: [to Duncan] What's your phobia?

Duncan: C-Celine Dion music store standees.

Trent: You still alive in there? Only three more minutes.

Gwen: [through walkie-talkie] And then you’ll dig me up, right?

Trent: Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.

Gwen: I need some kind of distraction. Tell me a story. Why do you hate mimes so much?

Trent: [sighs] My mom took me to this carnival once when I was four so I could see the elephants. I was stoked.

Gwen: Yeah?

Trent: I was so busy watching them that I lost her for a minute. I called out, but when I turned, all I could see was the horrible white face with black lips pretending to be me! I screamed and tried to run, but every time I turned around, he was there, doing this creepy fake run and scream routine.

[Trent's worst fear touches him and he turns, screaming, and runs off and drops his walkie-talkie]

Gwen: [through walkie-talkie] Trent?

Courtney: We need this point, DJ! Suck it up! [Geoff, Duncan, Harold and Tyler all shook their heads] What?! We're heading back to Loserville, People!

Courtney: [Confessional, tearful and embarrassed about not overcoming her fear of green jelly, which cost the Killer Bass the challenge] I'm so embarrassed! How could I be so weak? I deserve to go home! Ugh, okay, stop it. You're pathetic. Show some confidence, Courtney! [starts crying, but, slaps herself to stop]

[Tyler got eliminated because his phobia of chickens was seen as a nuisance and his inability to conquer them contributed to his team's loss]

Chris: [as Tyler leaves] Looks like a new pecking order has been established here.

Up the Creek [1.08]

Chris: Legend has it, if you take anything off the island, [in spooky voice] you'll be cursed forever.

Owen: Yeah, haha! A cursed island! Whoo!

Chris: Now, get in your canoes and let’s have some fun!

Owen: Yes!

[The campers head for their canoes, Beth just got out of the bathroom]

Beth: What I'd miss?

Chris: Canoes.

Cody: [Confessional] Chris told us to pick a paddling partner. It was time for me to make my move. If I could just get Gwen alone for five minutes, I knew I could woo her with my manly charms. [Gwen finds Trent at the dock and they smile at each other. Gwen tries to walk to Trent, but Cody grabs her] Come on, Gwen. You and me, open water. What do ya say? [Gwen then puts Cody in a headlock while pulling his arm]

Lindsay: [with Beth] Trent? You have to come with us.

[Gwen see Trent being pulled away by Beth and Lindsay, Cody's still struggling]

Gwen: [sighs as she lets go of Cody] Fine, but I'm in charge!

Cody: That's the way I like it. [in confessional] Yes, yes, yes! It is so on! [plays air guitar solo]

Gwen: Cody? He's like an annoying brother. A really annoying little brother. [Cody continues playing air guitar solo] So much for hooking up with Trent.

[Cody and Gwen are paddling together]

Cody: So, do you wanna go out sometime?

Gwen: No.

Cody: How about Friday night?

Gwen: Uh, no.

Cody: Saturday's fine with me. How about Saturday?

Gwen: I'm never going out with you, ever!

Cody: Okay. Fine. Jeez. So... Is Sunday out of the question? [Gwen twirls her paddle like a baton and rams it against Cody's groin] Uh... Got it... [in confessional] Okay. Maybe she wasn't quite ready for the Code-meister.

Geoff: Ahh! My leg! I’m down! I’m down! Oh, it’s so unfair! Why did this have to happen now? Oh! Why? Why?!

Bridgette: Geoff!

Geoff: You’ve gotta go on without me!

DJ: We’re not leaving any man behind! Not on my watch!

Geoff: [Confessional] I didn’t know if I was gonna make it. It was touch-and-go.

Bridgette: [Confessional] I’ve seen surfers get eaten by sharks before, but this? This was horrifying.

DJ: [Confessional] The man just... kept going. Dude’s got heart.

Cody: I think I know why you keep shooting me down. It's because of Trent, isn't it? [Gwen looks at him] Look, I'm pretty tight with Trent, and I was definitely sensing an "I'm into Gwen" vibe from him. [Gwen stares at him] I'll put in a good word for him, if you will.

Gwen: [surprised] Wow. That's really cool of you.

Cody: Aw, well.

Gwen: If you can get us in the same boat back, I'll so owe you one.

Cody: Interesting that you would say that. See, I'm in a bit of trouble myself.

Gwen: [looking uneasy] What do you mean?

Cody: Well, I kind of bet Owen that if I got you [wiggles fingers] bra, he'd do all my dishes for the rest of the competition. [Gwen, irritated, hits him in the groin with her paddle again] HA, OW! Ha... right... asking too much. Got it.

Chris: [Confessional, laughing about Trent stepping in quicksand]

[Cody was able to save Trent and Lindsay from the quicksand]

Trent: Thanks for saving my butt, man.

Cody: Just lookin’ out for a fellow Gopher. [opens a soda can] Want a sip?

Trent: Nah, I’m good.

Cody: Trent, let’s talk. Mano y Mano.

Trent: O-Okay. What do you wanna talk about?

Cody: Gwen. See, I hit on her, but I struck out. A-A few times. The point is, she’s not into me. She’s into you.

Trent: If you’re lying, I could easily rearrange your face. You know that, right?

Cody: Dude, buddy! What do I have to gain from lying to you?

Trent: Okay. So, what do you think I should do about it?

Cody: Well, I'll tell ya, Trent. Here's how I'd play it.

Heather: [to Trent and Cody] Ladies, are you almost finished with your tea party? We're in the middle of a challenge here!

Heather: Where did you learn to do that?

Izzy: Oh, you know, I spent a summer training with the reserves. Yeah, I got in to some trouble there and like, blew up the kitchen by accident, which is why the RCMP is like, still all over my butt. I am so totally AWOL!

Chris: The Bass are the winners!

[The Killer Bass members cheer for their victory]

Leshawna: [to Izzy with rage] You cost us the game! You are dead!

Izzy: Right. Okay, you are so lucky that my license to kill is currently expired.

[Leshawna angrily picks up an oar and starts chasing Izzy]

[Izzy eliminated herself from the game because the RCMP arrived to arrest her]

RCMP Officer: [from a helicopter] Izzy! We know you are down there! You are under arrest! [a searchlight tries to spot Izzy]

Leshawna: You mean all that trash you were talkin' was true?

Izzy: No, just the RCMP part. See ya! [goes psycho while the helicopter's searchlight immediately focuses on her] You'll never get me ALIVE!!!!!!!! [laughs hysterically and runs off with the RCMP in hot pursuit]

Paintball Deer Hunter [1.09]

Leshawna: Okay, that dude is really starting to get on my last nerve!

Heather: [yawns] Whatever. He just loves ruining our mornings. Beth, Lindsay, go warm up the shower for me. Now! And remember...

Beth: Not too hot this time, I know. [yawns]

Duncan: What are you lookin’ at?

Owen: Oh, nothing. Bambi.

Duncan: [threateningly] You’d better be a good shot, tubby.

Heather: What took you so long?

Beth: Were we supposed to come find you?

Heather: Hello? Alliance, anyone?

Lindsay: Ooh, ooh, me! Can I be in one?

Heather: You already are, Lindsay. That’s the point! Now go find me some berries! I’m starving!

Lindsay: Woohoo! Yeah!

Beth: Shouldn’t we be, y’know, hunting?

Heather: She is hunting. For me. But actually, berries won’t be enough. Go get me some chips.

Beth: In the forest?

Heather: In the dining hall. Now. And not barbecue!

Beth: [Confessional] So I’m running for my life from this psycho Chef when all of a sudden, it hits me! I’m doing this for Heather?! I don’t even like her!

[Beth stood up to Heather and ends their alliance together.]

Heather: What took you so long?

Beth: Here. I hope you know what I had to go, go through to get those.

Heather: [snags the bag out of Beth's hands] There’s like... eleven chips left. [sniffs] And they’re barbecue! Go exchange them for dill pickle.

Beth: No.

Heather: What did you just say?

Cody: I’m just gonna… yeah.

Heather: Take it back.

Beth: [inhales deeply] No.

Heather: Take... it... back.

Beth: No, I’m tired of being your slave. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete.

Cody: [eating a barbecue chip bag] Mm. Barbecue. Mm, the king of chip flavors.

Heather: I am giving you one last chance.

Beth: Why? Because you know you can’t win without your little alliance?

Heather: I can make your life miserable here!

Beth: You already do, Miss Come-Put-Lotion-On-My-Nasty-Alligator-Skin! What do I have to lose?

Duncan: [sniffs] Beans... [looks up and grins] Owen! [Owen farts while hidden behind leaves] Nice try, Farticus! You almost had me! [runs away]

Harold: Hey. Where are Duncan and Courtney?

Gwen: Oh, this is too much.

Owen: [laughs] Duncan, you sly dog, you!

Duncan: The girl can’t keep her antlers off me. [Courtney kicks him in the groin in a pain-pitched voice] Can’t even bend over.

Chris: Easy, Courtney. Our medical tent is really only equipped for one at a time and Cody’s pretty messed up.

Chris: The camper-

Gwen: Who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and leave. Can't we just get this over with?

Cody: [in the confessional, about the elimination ceremony] Okay, I know I got mauled by a bear, but I'm feeling confident about this. Heather's as mean as a snake, dude! Her own team shot her like eighteen times! They'll never kick me off.

[Cody got eliminated because he was in a full body cast after being mauled by a bear and his team thought he wasn't useful, so Beth wheeled him to the Dock of Shame]

Beth: I know, I can't believe I stood up to her, either! [Cody mumbles more; Beth cannot understand, however] Don't worry about me. I'll be fine! And... I still have my good luck charm! [shows Cody the tiki idol] See? I found it on Boney Island last week. Cool, huh? Goodbye Cody! Take care! [Beth kisses Cody on the cheek, and he falls off the dock and his wheelchair sinks]

If You Can't Take The Heat... [1.10]

Geoff: Okay. We’ve got like, three courses and six people. So everybody partner up!

DJ: I know how to make pasta sauce.

Bridgette: I know how to boil pasta.

Harold: Me and Sadie can rock the antipasto. I’m like a black belt when it comes to cutting cheese. [the Bass campers laugh] What? What?!

Duncan: I guess that leaves you and me on dessert detail.

Courtney: Oh no. No way!

Geoff: Come on, Courtney. For the team.

DJ: Uh, where do you want the water, Brid– [spills water on Harold's pants] Oops!

Harold: Hey! Smooth move, Dork-ahontus!

Heather: Gwen, Lindsay, you’re both on the citrus macadamia upside down cake flambé.

Lindsay: Know how to make an upside down flamer thingy?

[Owen bumps into Heather, drops some oranges, slips on them and squashes them all]

Heather: Go back to the truck and get more oranges.

Owen: I'm on it! [leaves to the truck]

Heather: Trent, you and Owen are both on ribs. Leshawna and Beth, you’re both on pineapple skewers and mango dip.

Leshawna: Girl, let me handle the appetizers. I know how to make a pineapple chutney that will knock the socks off the devil.

Heather: Oh, really? Well, that’s so great! But since I’m head chef, we’re gonna stick to my plan. And my plan is pineapples with sticks through them. Got it?

Courtney: Careful your big paws don't mash the pastry.

Duncan: Careful your uptight butt doesn't curdle the custard.

Courtney: Oh, ha ha ha.

Heather: These slices are totally uneven. Switch places with Leshawna.

Leshawna: What are you talking about? They look fine to me.

Heather: Um, I didn’t get to be head chef because of poor presentation

Leshawna: No! You got to be head chef because you called it. And who you think you foolin’ with this crispy white apron power trip you on?

Heather: Are you gonna be a team player or not?!

Leshawna: Ooh, I’m a team player all right, but I’m also allergic to pineapples!

Heather: Just get slicing. Now! Thanks, guys.

Leshawna: Ooh! Two-faced, bossy, little– [gets pineapple allergy rash on her arms] Ooh! Ugh! Yo! What do you recommend I do about this?

Heather: Yo, I recommend you scratch after we win. Get back to work.

Harold: MY BISCUITS ARE BURNING!

Heather: Pay attention, girls. This is how you flambé. Step one, Pour the flambé which you did manage. Step two of two, light it. [lights it which causes a flame burst and it burns off her eyebrows] Aaah! My eyebrows! Owen!

Owen: [runs up] Is it finally lunch time?

Heather: No! Go get my makeup bag from the cabin!

Owen: But, the bees!

Heather: NOW!

Leshawna: Excuse me, I need a bathroom break.

Heather: Well, evidently, I need new eyebrows. But we don’t always get what we want, do we? Ugh! It’s like I’m on a team of morons!

Leshawna: [Confessional, furious about Heather] Oh, that is it! Someone’s gotta teach this girl a little respect.

Heather: [locked inside the fridge] Hey! You can’t do this, I’m head chef!

Lindsay: Do you think Heather’s really mad at us?

Heather: [pounds furiously from behind the door] I WILL DESTROY YOU! [starts weeping]

Leshawna: She’ll get over it. Girl needs to learn how to chill.

Leshawna: [to Owen angrily after he ate the whole rib plate] Tell me you did not just eat that entire plate of ribs!

Chris: (After nearly choking to death on the Screaming Gophers' food) What the heck is this?!

Lindsay: It's Heather's recipe. (Gasps) Oh my gosh, she's still in the fridge! [runs into the kitchen]

Leshawna: What? Girl was making everyone trip.

Chris: Oh, I hear that.

Owen: (gasps horrifyingly) Oh, the horror!

[Heather is out of the fridge with her whole body skin completely light blue]

Heather: (angrily shivering) You guys are s-s-s-so dead!

Courtney: I'm like the most easy going person I know!

Duncan: Oh yeah, you're totally laid back.

[Beth got eliminated because Heather exposed her for taking a cursed tiki idol from Boney Island, causing her team to blame her for their losses.]

Heather: [talks to Beth about her elimination] You heard him. Boat of Losers. That away. Not really was silly of you to take that doll from the island.

[Harold wakes up naked at the Dock of Shame while Courtney and Leshawna laugh]

Courtney and Leshawna: Good morning, Harold!

Harold: EEEEH! [he covers his groin with his pillow]

Duncan: So, learned your lesson, yet?

Harold: Yes! Okay?! Yes!!

Geoff: Oh, we're going to need more than that, man!

Harold: I'll never leave my crusty underwear out again! I swear!

Geoff: What the heck? I believe him. Pleasure doing business with ya! [throws bag full of Harold's underwear and shorts]

Who Can You Trust? [1.11]

[Heather sneezes after being locked in the freezer from the previous episode]

Gwen: Need a little echinacea?

Heather: Ha, you’re so funny. You think you can just lock me up in a freezer and get away with it? I am gonna make you sorry that you ever met me.

Gwen: Too late.

Heather: You are such a... a... a... achoo! Ugh! I hate this place!

Courtney: [after unknowingly seeing Duncan stuff another mug in this shirt] I saw that! How could you just steal a mug?

Duncan: ‘Cause it’s cool looking and I don’t have one. Hm. Didn’t have one, that is.

Courtney: But you might get kicked off!

Duncan: Awww, and here I thought you didn’t care about me.

Courtney: We’re one player short and I don’t wanna lose because you feel like going all criminal on us.

Duncan: Pfft, whatever. You dig me.

Courtney: Ugh! Why do I even bother?!

Chris McLean: Muy caliente!

Duncan: This bites!

DJ: Big time!

Trent: [deep voice, slurring] I thought you said you passed biology!

Lindsay: I said I took biology. [Trent falls back on the ground and vomits as he gags] Ewww!

Chris: It’s cool. Give him twenty-four hours and he’ll be up walking and breathing, good as new.

Geoff: Uh, is anyone going to help this guy?

Gwen: [Confessional] Sometimes, the universe gives you a freebie!

[Courtney convinced her teammates to vote Sadie off after she continued shooting crab apples at the former even though they lost the challenge.]

Sadie: [after she got eliminated] You know what? That’s fine with me, you… marshmallow eating freaks! [runs off crying loudly]

Chris: The rest of you are safe. For now.

Basic Straining [1.12]

Chef Hatchet: 25 of us went into the jungle that night. Only five came back out.

Courtney: [after she got eliminated] I do not concede! I do not concede!

Duncan: Aw man, this sucks!

Courtney: I was your only hope! I was a counselor-in-training!

Harold: (confessional, he's rigging the votes) You guys think you're so funny! Let's see how you like it when someone messes with your love life!

X-Treme Torture [1.13]

Gwen: Did you ever think that maybe Trent's doing this as a form of self expression... like haiku?

Heather: [Confessional] I couldn't let that little dork-wad win, so I decided to cut him loose. [turns toward Harold and takes out a knife from her pocket] Game over, Gumby!

Gwen: So we ruled out Owen and DJ.

Bridgette: I know! So who could it be?

Leshawna: Who could what be?

Chris: Another note from your secret admirer Leshawna?

Gwen and Bridgette: [speechless] Leshawna's the crush girl?

Leshawna: You two know someone else here with a booty as luscious as an apple?

Gwen: But who wrote it?

Chris: Bridgette and DJ! You're safe! [gives them the marshmallow, then, uses a megaphone] Geoff! You're safe!

[Geoff was up in a tree due to landing in a pile of smelly socked, Chris threw the marshmallow to Geoff.]

Geoff:

Chris: Okay, that leaves Harold, who bailed big for unknown reasons.

Harold: [Confessional] Boobies.

Chris: And Duncan who bailed even bigger because Lindsay left his circling the drain in a shameless–

Duncan: [grabs Chris' shirt by the collar; angrily through gritted teeth] The chick was determined.

Chris: [hands him the last marshmallow] Which is why you’re safe. Harold, sorry dude. You’re done like dinner. [he eliminated Harold because he bailed in the skiing challenge when he was distracted by Heather's bare chest.]

Harold: Give daddy some sugar.

Geoff: So, wait a second, Harold saw your boobies?

Owen: Can we see?

Leshawna: Heck, no. [angered realization] Wait a minute. [walks to the end of the dock calling out to Harold] Whose boobies did you see?! [Heather opens the door after she took a shower] Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh, see now, you messed with the wrong sister!

Heather: Oh please, it was a total fluke. You think I'd actually showed that dweeb my boobs on purpose?

Leshawna: [angrily chases Heather] Get back here!

Gwen: Well, that’s settled. Night.

Bridgette: Night.

Brunch of Disgustingness [1.14]

Heather: What’s mine is yours. Nail polish, scrunchies, earrings, just help yourself.

Lindsay: Wow.

Bridgette: Thanks, Heather, but um, I like to keep it natural.

Heather: Like my mom always says, a lady can always use a little boost in the looks department.

Leshawna: And my momma told me ain’t nothin’ free in this world. Watch what you take from this girl, Bridgette.

Heather: Mind your own business!

Leshawna: We’re a team and we gotta live in the same cabin, so this is all of our business.

Bridgette: Yeah! We’re a team. We should be using this as an opportunity to get to know each other better.

Heather: You want to play that way? Fine. Be on their side! [tapes a line in the middle] This is my side, and that’s your side! [Confessional] Okay, I probably could’ve played that better. But Leshawna seriously creases me.

Leshawna: Huh, yeah that’s right. You keep putting down that tape. And if you cross it, I’ll smack you down!

Heather: You can choose the weird girls if you want, but just so you know, once you do, you’re like, not allowed on our side. Right, Lindsay?

Lindsay: Hmph.

Bridgette: [Confessional] I thought we were supposed to be a team. You know, “united together in solidarity” or something. Let’s build bridges, not walls!

Heather: Take your pick. [Bridgette crosses Leshawna and Gwen's side] You just dug your own grave.

Bridgette: Let’s try to get along, okay? Otherwise, the guys are going to cream us, don’t you get it? Tough room.

Chris: The score now stands at one for the girls and zero for the guys! And now, the next course in... the Brunch of Disgustingness! You guys like pizza?

Owen: I could eat pizza any time with anything on it!

Chris: Anything? How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies?

Lindsay: Ew, I hate anchovies!

Leshawna: Ugh. Mm-mm. That is straight up nasty. I ain’t eatin’ that.

Heather: Oh, yes you are. I am not missing out on an indoor heated pool just because you can’t keep down a few... [notices a grasshopper on her finger and screams] Grasshoppers. Okay, I can’t do this.

Gwen: [grabs Heather by the arm] I’m digesting a bull’s precious cajones? You're gonna eat.

Heather: Fine. Can I get a little parmesan on this? [Chef shakes his head no, and she takes a bite] Delicious.

Trent: [Confessional] When I was a kid, my parents used to hold me down and force feed me broccoli. They only did it because broccoli’s… [shudders] good for ya. I can do this. DJ, I need you to hold me down, while Geoff, you stuff the slice in my mouth. And no matter how much I scream or beg, you have got to feed me that slice.

Geoff: Huh, sure. I’m in.

[DJ holds Trent tightly as Geoff holds the slice to stuff it in his mouth]

Trent: No, stop! Wait, it was a joke! I was kidding! Ha ha! [laughs nervously] I’m warning you, my dad’s a lawyer! [Geoff stuffs the slice into his mouth and eats it] Mama? [Confessional] It wasn’t that bad. I was playing it up for the cameras. You know, to boost ratings. I don’t really mind beef testicles or live grasshopper pizza with jellyf– Ooh... [vomits all over]

Chef Hatchet: [Confessional] I was excited about the next dish. I made it from scratch.

Chris: All right, who’s ready for the third course? Spaghetti! Well, actually, earthworms covered in snail slime sauce and hairballs.

Geoff: No! I can’t take anymore! [runs off screaming]

DJ: I’ll take care of this. [grabs Geoff and holds him down]

Geoff: [panting] Okay, okay! I’m good! I’m good.

Chris: All right everybody. Time for course number four. No nine-course meal would be complete without soup. Today’s special is French Bunyon soup with hangnail crackers.

Geoff: [Confessional] I think they just use stuff from Chef’s bathroom floor.

Lindsay: I didn't even taste it!

Chris: The girls win again! The score’s now tied up at two.

[The girls cheer as they and the boys are now tied with 2]

Bridgette: [Confessional] I think the girls really made a breakthrough as a team.

Chris: Wow, it’s still tied up. We’re down to the last course in the challenge. It’s delicious dolphin wieners. Hot dogs made of dolphin.

Bridgette: [gasps] But, dolphins are our friends!

Heather: What are you waiting for? It's already dead. If you don't eat it, we don't win!

Bridgette: Oh, I can't! I'm a surfer. I swim with dolphins!

Heather: EAT IT!

Bridgette: NO! I'm not doing it! You can't pressure me.

DJ: I’m with you sister. I’m not eating no dolphin.

[after Owen finishes the cockroach drink]

Chris: Owen wins!

[The boys celebrate their victory after Owen wins the eat-off]

Heather: Leshawna, you are completely useless!

Leshawna: Oh, uh-oh, something’s coming up. [starts vomiting]

Chris: The guys are the big winners today. And the girls go their separate ways. Two definitive cliques have been cemented. For now. What shocking surprises are in store for our campers next week as they head for the big merge? Tune in on Total Drama Island.

No Pain, No Game [1.15]

Leshawna: [Confessional] Psh. Those should’ve been my alligator elbows getting the hand and foot treatment!

Chris: [through loudspeaker] Listen up, campers! As of right now, all teams are officially dissolved. From here on in, it’s every camper for themselves!

Duncan: [clears throat] Well, uh, it’s about time we flew solo.

Leshawna: Oh-ho-ho, I am feelin’ that! Bring it on, Chris!

Chris: [through loudspeaker] Then, get ready for this!

[A boat horn blows, and Gwen and Bridgette gasp]

Leshawna: You’re frontin’ me.

Heather: What? But that’s impossible.

Trent: Aw man, what is she doing here?

[Eva, who was eliminated from "The Big Sleep" with a fire background has returned on another boat]

Chris: [through loudspeaker] Back by popular audience demand, it’s Eva!

[Izzy also returns to the game.]

Chris: [through loudspeaker] Also returning to camp is Izzy!

Girls: Oh no!

Izzy:

[Girls' cabin]

Eva: [walks in] What’s with the tape? Somebody better answer me!

Leshawna: Me and Heather here got a little uh, territorial. But we’re all cool now. Right, Heather?

Heather: [takes the tape off the floor and wraps it in a ball] Absolutely. Want my bunk, Eva?

Eva: I want this one. [shoves Bridgette's surfboard] Unless Miss backstabbing-traitor-who-voted-me-off has a problem with that.

Leshawna: Okay, you know what? You can get all up in her face, but don’t forget we’re all here to win.

Eva: Oh, yeah, you got that right, girlfriend.

Leshawna: Oh, oh, oh. Tell me that the macho mama with butt cheeks tighter than my weave did not just say that!

Gwen: Whoa! Timeout!

Lindsay: Can't we talk this out over low-cal snacks?

Eva: Whatever. I'm still gonna win! [walks away]

Bridgette: Hey, thanks for stepping in.

Leshawna: Oh, my pleasure. Nobody disses Shawny’s thighs. [Confessional] That girl is getting on my last nerve!

[Eva's had her second elimination when her temper get the better of her again, and she specifically threatened Bridgette.]

Chris: Got some dirt in there, huh. But, in the end! It was still six votes against Eva, so adios!

Eva: What?! This isn't the end of me! You better watch your backs! I'm not done! I will have my revenge! [cuts to her on the Boat of Losers, wearing a straitjacket]

Search and Do Not Destroy [1.16]

[Trent got eliminated because Gwen told Leshawna that Heather kissed him. Leshawna told everybody to vote him or Heather off. Since Heather won invincibility, they voted off Trent instead.]

Chris: [to Trent] Sorry dude, you're out. [Trent gasps]

Leshawna: That's right! Take your two timing ways back to where you came from.

Trent: What?! But I thought I was getting so well with everybody!

Heather: I guess you were wrong.

Gwen: [gasps to Heather] You don't even care, do you?!

Heather: Hey, just playing the game.

Trent: [to Gwen] Why should you care? You think I'm a cliché.

Gwen: Where you get that from?

Trent: Her. [points to Heather]

Gwen: [rolls eyes] You know, after all this, I still didn't vote you off.

Trent: Then how did I get the boot?

Leshawna: My bad! I told everyone that you were two-timing and messin' around with Gwen and to give you the boot if Heather won the challenge.

Trent: [to Gwen] I want you to be tough and fight to the end, for both of us. I'll be watching and cheering for you back home.

[Gwen smiles, they lean in to kiss, but Chris butts in]

Chris: Trent, you have an appointment at the Dock of Shame and a ticket for the Boat of Losers! Let's go.

Hide and Be Sneaky [1.17]

Lindsay: The entire viewing world who?

Chris: [after Bridgette got eliminated] Ok, that was a shocker. Even I'm shocked, and I knew the answer.

That's Off the Chain [1.18]

[Heather crossed the finish line and gained immunity, once again. And since Owen and Duncan wipes out, Lindsay was eliminated by default]

Lindsay: You really are mean! And all that bad stuff people say about you is true! Like how you're a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (gives Heather the finger; very long bleep) I always told them they were wrong. I stood up for you, because I thought we were BFF's! But they're right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (very long bleep) And guess what? I don't wanna be BFF's anymore! I'd rather spend the day staring at Owen's butt than shopping with you! And P.S, your shoes are tacky!

[Everyone is laughing]

Gwen: You tell her!

Hook, Line and Screamer [1.19]

Gwen: Here comes the blood fest!

Heather: DJ! It's me! Heather.

Owen: If this was a stunt, would Chris leave behind, his hair gel?!

Owen: It was a joke. Too funny. I was all, "AHHHH", and you were all, "EEEEE".

Owen: Owen isn't getting to second base, is he? [Izzy shakes head] First base? [Izzy shakes head again] Oh.............is he getting up to ba- [Izzy punches Owen in the face]

[DJ got eliminated because he ran away before the Killer even got to him, automatically eliminating him]

Chris: [about DJ's elimination] Well, it's obvious to everyone that Gwen wins invincibility. Sadly, it's equally unanimous that DJ walk the Dock of Shame since he was the only one who screamed and bolted without the escape psycho killer even being there. But, no hard feelings, dude. You will be missed.

Owen: Awww, group hug!

Wawanakwa Gone Wild! [1.20]

Chris: Your challenge is to trap an animal.

Duncan: (grabs Owen's arm) Got one!

Chris: A wild animal.

Heather: (Confessional) I assumed I'm the favorite to win. I mean, look who's left! Weird goth girl, a criminal, a fart machine, a party dude, a psycho hose beast, and Leshawna. And the only thing she has going for her is that she hasn't made any enemies. Whoop-doo! We're not here to make friends! We are here to win! And that is exactly what I plan on doing.

Duncan: Have you seen Heather?

Izzy: Who?

Duncan: About ye tall, long dark hair, hot, [sticks fingers up like antlers] wearing deer antlers.

[Heather comes out from a bush and passes out from tranquilizer dart on her butt]

Izzy: Whoops...

[Duncan starts to laugh maniacally at the situation, in the confessional]

Duncan: [to Heather] Are you sure you don't wanna go to the infirmary to get your... [chuckles] butt-dart removed?

Heather: [paralyzed] Not until psycho hose beast goes down.

[Izzy had her second elimination when she shot Heather, Chef Hatchet, a plane, and a horse with a tranquilizer gun due to having bad hunting skills and being too crazy.]

Chris: Izzy, Gwen. One of you has spent your last night on Total Drama Island.

Heather: [paralyzed] Just give it to Gwen already!

Chris: Ehh... [he shrugs and tosses the last marshmallow to Gwen]

Izzy: [casually] Ah, we've all gotta go sometime, right?.

Owen: You could make out with me first, if that would cushion the blow...?

Izzy: Goodnight, everybody! Thanks for comin' out! [throws a smoke pellet to the ground and vanishes; everyone else looks shocked]

Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon [1.21]

Geoff: You've never been to a party?

Gwen: No, okay? Sometimes I wish I had been. That for just one day I could be one of those happy, vapid girls who gets along with everyone, and who is all excited to eat massive amounts of sugar, and do karaoke, and cheerleading and ponytails. I just don't think it's in my DNA.

[Geoff got eliminated because his happy attitude and popularity was a threat to all the campers]

Geoff: [after he got eliminated] No sweat Gwen. Chow dudes.

Gwen: Wait! I have something for you! [runs up to Geoff]

Geoff: My lens!

Gwen: I went back to Boney Island. I'm sorry. There might be just a little bit of white Wawanakwa in it.

Geoff: Makes it a better souvenir right?

Gwen: Right. Bye Geoff and thanks. [walks away but gets caught by Geoff for a photo.

Geoff: Wait up! Say cheese! [takes picture]

Haute Camp-ture [1.22]

Chris: Welcome to Playa des Losers. The all-inclusive luxury resort where our sent after being brutally voted out of the game to lick their wounds and accept their fate as reality show has-beens. When we are down to the two final competitors, their fate will be in the hands of these seventeen losers!

Cody: After I got my body cast off and the stitches removed, I started to realize, this place is pretty sweet!

Trent: Yo, Cody! Need some sunscreen? You’re looking a bit pink, dude!

Cody: No thanks! I’m trying to get a tan! It attracts the ladies!

Courtney: I don’t care how nice this place is, I’m not supposed to be here. After I was kicked off, I found out exactly what went on the night I was eliminated. [Flashback to Harold switching the votes] It was all Harold’s fault! I should be in the final five right now! When I find that little twerp, I’m gonna grab hold of him, and wring his skinny, awkward little neck! You hear me, Harold? I know you’re hiding around here somewhere! He has to come out sometime. And when he does, he’s going to get it.

Harold: Hey, Trent! Slide me some bologna.

Trent: Yeah, what the heck? [tosses Harold some bologna]

Ezekiel: Dude, why are you helping him? He’s a traitor, eh?

Trent: True. But he doesn’t deserve to starve to death. And he sure can’t come out here.

Courtney: I’m in the middle of filing a lawsuit for wrongful termination of competition. These people are witnesses! I was unfairly kicked off!

Trent: I didn’t see a thing, man.

DJ: You got me.

Noah: Must’ve missed that episode.

Katie: What’s she talking about?

Eva: Didn’t see it. Don’t care.

Courtney: [scoffs] You all know what happened!

Ezekiel: Hey, give her a break already, eh? I got kicked off from the first– [Courtney hits him with a lamppost]

Lindsay: You just would’ve been kicked off in another episode. No one liked you that much.

Courtney: [gasps] That is so not true! Everyone likes me! I used to be a CIT! [a coconut hits her on the head] Ow! This is a coconut. We’re in Muskoka, people! If you’re going to drop props on my head, at least make them geographically correct!

Noah: Did I get anything out of this experience? No. It was completely and totally uneventful.

Izzy: He kissed a guy!

Noah: No, I didn't!

Izzy: Yes, you did.

Noah: Didn't.

Izzy: Did!

Noah: Did! Not!

Izzy: Did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did!

Trent: Ahem. I can break this tie. He totally did.

[Flashback to Noah kissing Cody on the ear during the sleep challenge]

Noah: I have... no comment.

Ezekiel: [about Heather] She was pretty bossy, eh?

Katie: Oh, she was so totally bossy.

Beth: Telling her off [flashes back to her standing up to Heather in the paintball deer hunting challenge] was the best moment of my life.

Sadie: If none of us even like her, how did Heather get into the final?

Eva: 'Cause she’s a conniving, backstabbing, little witch! That’s why!

Harold: Duncan? I hate that guy. [Flashbacks to him being picked on and pranked by Duncan] He made me pee my pants. He drew on my face with a marker. He strung my underwear up a flagpole, put hot sauce in them, and fed them to me for lunch in an underwear sandwich! He’s beyond annoying. Idiot!

Lindsay: Okay, let’s talk about Lefonda.

Everyone: Leshawna!

Harold: At first I thought she was real loud, but then I realized she’s my soulmate.

Courtney: I can’t say anything bad about her. And I excel at saying bad things about people.

Sadie: I think she is so fetch.

Katie: She has the best style. We’ve been friends since the beginning.

Noah: You weren’t even on the same team.

Katie: Irregardless.

Noah: She locked Heather in the fridge. Anyone who can come up with something like that gets my vote.

[Chris announced that a verbal vote-off would happen between the eliminated campers to decide who was going to be eliminated. However, he considered the mentioning of any contestants name as a vote.]

Chris: Here's how it's gonna work! There are no marshmallows. I'm gonna ask you, one by one, who you would like to see join you here tonight at Playa Des Losers. [eyeing the first of the voters] Katie and Sadie, since you share a brain, I'll ask you both. Who would you like to vote for?

Sadie: [giddily] Ohh! I miss Leshawna the most! [a bell dings signifying a vote against Leshawna]

Katie: Ohhh! It would be so much fun to have her here! Definitely Leshawna! [bell dings]

[Everyone gasps]

Courtney: Why are you voting her off!? If you like Leshawna, [bell dings] leave her in!

Chris: That's three votes: Leshawna.

Courtney: What? NO!

Harold: You're just voting off my girlfriend to spite me. [hits Courtney]

Courtney: Let go of me, you big geek!

[Harold and Courtney start having a slap fight, and eventually, fall into the pool]

Noah: Excellent!

Chris: Okay! Onto the next voter: Lindsay.

Lindsay: Don't worry! I'm not going to say Leshawna. [bell dings]

DJ: Lindsay!

Lindsay: No! You can't vote for me! You have to vote for someone who's in the final five, like Leshawna. [bell dings]

Izzy: Okay! C'mon, guys! NO ONE SAY "LESHAWNA"! [bell dings as Izzy gasps and covers her mouth]

Chris: [in background] That's six votes Leshawna.

Talking Parrot: Awk! Leshawna! [bell dings]

Everyone: NO!

Chris: Seven votes Leshawna.

Trent: Chris, that was a parrot! It doesn't even know who Leshawna is! [bell dings]

Talking Parrot: Awk! Polly want a Leshawna! [bell dings]

Chris: [enthusiastically] Nine! [Trent slaps his forehead]

[Leshawna gets shocked when she was voted off with nine "votes" and gets into the Boat of Losers by Chef]

Camp Castaways [1.23]

[Mr. Coconut's elimination]

Owen: Oh no, you don't mean...

Chris: Yep. It's time for Mr. Coconut to walk the Dock of Shame.

Owen: BUT WHY?!

Chris: [takes Mr. Coconut away from Owen] Get it together, dude. You're starting to creep me out. [throws him away]

Owen: MR. COCONUT! NO!

Heather: By the way, what we can can fest back there. Stays back there.

Duncan: Oh yeah.

Gwen: No argument.

Owen: [as Mr. Coconut is thrown into the lake] Don't worry Mr. Coconut. I shall never let go!

Are We There, Yeti? [1.24]

Owen: It's all good except one thing's missing... foooooood!

[Duncan got eliminated because he caused all the trouble in the entire season]

Heather: What can I say? You could have scored an alliance with me, but you blew it.

Gwen: You played the game well. Sorry that you had to lose over a sticky bun.

Owen: I-I-I- [burps]

Duncan: Whatever.

Gwen: [confessional] I've got to admit, I didn't think I'd make it this far; but now that I have, I might as well win.

I Triple Dog Dare You [1.25]

[Gwen spins the wheel and it lands on Courtney]

Chris: Drink a blended purée of Chef's mystery meats.

Gwen: Eenie, meenie, minie, Heather!

[Heather drinks the blended purée and completes the dare. Later, it shows a montage of Heather doing dare after dare, which includes swimming in leeches, acting like a chicken, slapping herself, eating a cockroach, do the Princess and the Frog with Chef's socks and finally gets her head doused in pig feces and gets blasted out of a cannon into a pile of pig feces.]

Heather: [After Gwen spins the wheel and the bottle lands on Lindsay, sighs.] Finally I catch a break. There's no way Lindsay could think of anything bad.

Chris: Ooh, you're not gonna like this one. Have your head-shaved by Chef!

Heather: WHAT!?

Gwen: [gives Owen a high-five] Lindsay rules!

Chris: What's it gonna be Heather? Are you going to do the dare, or the Walk of Shame?

[Heather starts getting worried and Gwen and Owen are getting intense and then, Heather couldn't take it much longer and she kicks the razor.]

Heather: No! [The razor lands on her and she gets her head shaved and clumps of hair fly out as it happens. Heather was now bald.] Huh? Wha?! Ugh!

Chris: Wow! Well that was an unfortunate accident... looks like Heather's out.

Heather: [after her head was shaved] What are you talking about? He shaved my head!

Chris: True, but you didn't actually accept the dare. If you had, you'd still be bald, but at least you'd be in the game!

Owen: That was harsh, tough break.

[Heather screams as the birds fly even the eliminated contestants, a squirrel gets shocked too as well]

Chris: [as Heather grabs him by the shirt] Sorry. That's the rules.

Heather: [angrily] I thought you said there weren't any rules!

Chris: Yeah, I know. It's complicated. But here's the rub: you lose, they win.

Gwen and Owen: No way! [Owen gets up and dances] We won! Yes!

Heather: Fine, but you'll be hearing from my lawyers! [walks away]

Chris: Yeah, yeah. [Gave Chef the keys] I know. It's gonna be a long ride.

[After Heather's head was shaved by Chef, but it was done accidentally. However, despite that she completed her dare, she did not initially accept it. The one rule of the challenge was that if a contestant did not accept their dare, they would immediately be eliminated, and so, Heather was eliminated.]

Heather: A long ride to court, where I sue you for everything you've got!

Chris: And then there were two. Tune in to see who will win the check for $100,000,000 on Total Drama Island.

Heather: You want drama? You'll be penniless! Jobless! Your name will be mud on every blog from here to Cape Breton!

The Very Last Episode, Really! [1.26]

[the finalists have a series of confessionals]

Owen: I had a WICKED time! (recap) It was awesome! (in the recap) Yeah! Who's the man?

Gwen: What was it like being here for 8 weeks? (recap) It sucked, that's what.

Chef Hatchet: You think it's easy cooking for 22 ungrateful teenagers? Man I've had better jobs in prison.

Owen: The food was awesome! (recap) Aah!

Chef Hatchet: At least someone's appreciative. Slavin' all day at the hot stove.

Gwen: The food... (recap) ...was disgusting.

Chef Hatchet: Less rat droplets. Does this look like a 5-star restaurant to you?

Owen: And the people were just awesome!

Gwen: The people here...sucked. They were nothing but a bunch of (recap) backstabbing, manipulative (Heather), two-timing (Trent), fame hungry (Justin), dim-witted (Lindsay), certifiably insane (Izzy), really weird (Harold), psychotic (Duncan), redneck (Ezekiel), overbearing (Eva), goody-goody (Courtney), know-it-all (Noah), party obsessed (Geoff), jerks. I was lucky enough to meet five people (Bridgette, Cody, DJ, Leshawna, Owen) who were actually sane.

Owen: The one thing I'll be remembered for? Uh...(recap; fart montage) I hope my great personality. (farts)

Gwen: What will I be remembered for? (recap) My great personality. Ok, I'm done here.

[first winner of the series; Owen's ending]

Chris: Here we are at the last bonfire ever. After eight brutal weeks, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of Total Drama Island: Owen!

Owen: Hey, what can I say Chris? I'm so psyched! This is just...

Gwen, Trent, Leshawna and Tyler: Awesome?

Owen: Yes!

Geoff: Yo, Owen, do you know what it's time for? [Owen grins evilly at Chris]

Chris: No, no, guys... my hair! DUUUUUUUDES!!!

[gets thrown into the lake by Owen, Duncan and Geoff]

Chef: I've been wanting to do that all summer! How do you like that, pretty boy?! Huh?!

Geoff: Oh, Cheeeef...

Owen: [laughs] You're next, dude!

[Gwen's ending]

Chris: After eight grueling weeks, it is my pleasure to give this $100,000 check, to the last camper standing... Gwen! Gwen, at this time I give you the ultimate symbol of survival on this island: The final marshmallow.

Owen: Yeah, you deserve it! It's just such a bummer about the party...

Gwen: Well, after I pay for my two wishes, there may be enough left over for a rockin' party... And everyone's invited! Everyone except Heather. :[Heather frowns]

Owen: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Party, anyway! Are you gonna bring someone...special, Gwen? Hey? Hey? Hey?

Gwen: [looks at Trent] If he'll go with me...?

Trent: So, does this mean...

Gwen: Oh, shut up, already. YES, I'll go out with you! [Gwen and Trent hug]

Total Drama Drama Drama Drama Island

Heather: (Confessional) Okay, I know it may look like I'm desperate for a partner. But that's only because...okay, I'm desperate for a partner. But Harold? That is even worse than the mathletes! That's like...ugh...spending the afternoon with the Physics Club!

Noah: Sorry, I forgot my ROIDS at the gym!

[Courtney helps Duncan up]

Courtney: Ahh! Let's go get that million dollars! Yes! [Kisses Duncan]

Duncan: Looks like someone's got their mojo back!

Katie: Justin’s taking a long time.

Sadie: Let’s play Magic Square.

Katie: Oh, okay! Who will Katie hook up with tonight? Justin! Yay!

Sadie: Justin? But he has a crush on me!

Katie: Says who?

Sadie: Says the magic square! Watch! Who is Justin crushing on? Sadie!

Katie: [gasps] You fully stole him from me!

Sadie: Um, earth to Katie. I can’t steal someone who isn’t yours!

Katie: Um, earth to traitor. Just because Billy Carlisle liked me better in fourth grade?

Sadie: He did not like you better! You gave him your PB&J sandwich so he’d ask you to the dance! If I had PB&J that day or even just a P, he’d have taken me!

Katie: [gasps] That is it! We are so done as friends! [storms off]

Sadie: I don’t care because I’m SO much more done than you are! [storms off as well]

Eva: Watch it! It's a trap!

Noah: Justin. The anti-me. So we meet again.

Izzy: Whatever you guys do, don't look him in the eyes! He has powers.

Justin: Give me the case.

Izzy: Back off, really hot guy!

Justin: I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. (Takes off his shirt)

Leshawna: Hey, Heather! This is for calling me, a big-butted, loud-mouthed, mall-shopping, homegirl!

Cody: Courtney, save us! Pull us up!

Courtney: Give me the case, and I will!

Tyler: No way!

Courtney: Okay then! (Goes higher)

DJ: You wouldn't let us fall to our deaths!

Courtney: Oh yes, I would! I don't even like you very much!

Chris: So, you lost the case! Way to go! I didn't wanna have to do this! But, since none of the fourteen of you officially won, you officially tie!

[Cody, Tyler, Noah, Ezekiel, Courtney, Katie, Sadie and Eva arrived on the docks very late]

Chris: As for the rest of you, your treasure hunt ends here! Along with all your hopes of ever winning any money off of being on this show. The good news though, you'll be watching all the action of season two from the sidelines!

Courtney: Wait a minute! I wanna be on season two!

Chris: Uh-tut-tut-tit! Fine print!

Courtney: [Confessional, furious about not qualifying for season two] Oh, That is it! If they thought they knew they were in trouble before, they're in huge trouble now!

Chris: In exactly two days, you will all report to a brand new location for a whole new challenge and the last one standing will receive $1,000,000! So don't forget to tune in to Total Drama Action!