Baby, Come Back [4.01]

Kate: [trying to find a babysitter for Eric] I know, I can call Mrs. Applebaum.

ALF: Don't you remember? She's now become Mr. Applebaum.

Kate: Oh, that's right. I should send flowers.

ALF: A little late for that. Send aftershave.

[Willie and Kate are trying to find a babysitter for Eric]

ALF: And have you thought about what happens to me, when that ... "human babysitter" rummages trough my fridge?

Kate: What do you mean your fridge?

ALF: Okay its your fridge, but the fuzz in the meatdoor is mine!

Lies [4.02]

Willie: [reading tabloid] "Amazon women found on Alpha Centauri." So?

ALF: Everyone knows Alpha Centauri is just a bunch of bowling alleys and divorced guys!

Brian: [reading from his history book] Okay, here's the last one. "What German leader was responsible for starting World War Two?"

ALF: That's a tough one. It was either Colonel Klink or Sergeant Schultz. It was probably Klink. Schultz could have never pulled it off.

We're in the Money [4.04]

Willie: Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do.

ALF: Well, that explains Ghostbusters II.

He Ain't Heavy, He's Willie's Brother [4.07]

[the Tanners talk about ALF getting to know Willie's brother]

Lynn: He's a wonderful guy, with a terrific sense of humor.

ALF: I'm not gonna marry him, if that's what you're getting at.

Willie: You're meeting my brother, it's not the Pope.

ALF: I'd rather meet the Pope. I love his hats.

Willie: Well, at least he has that storm door business to keep him occupied.

ALF: Talk about that Tanner zest for life!

Live and Let Die [4.09]

ALF: [about Lucky] I'm reminded of a prayer he used to recite every night before bed: "And if I die before I wake, chicken fry me like a steak."

Willie: [at Lucky's funeral] Don't you have any respect for people's feelings?

ALF: Well, excuse me, but where I'm from this is ludicrous! It's like having a funeral for a hamburger!

Break Up to Make Up [4.10]

[Lynn is showing ALF two drawings on the board]

ALF: Okay, okay, we got a clock and a bird. Bird watch! Uh, bird watching. That's it, let's eat. Are you sure? Watch bird. Watch bird. [Lynn draws an arrow] One flew over the cuckoo's nest. [Lynn grunts] That's my final answer, make it work. Oh, come on, what else could it be? [timer dings]

Lynn: What about time flies?

ALF: What about a decent clue?

Happy Together [4.11]

Neal: How far away was Melmac?

ALF: In feet? Pretty far, I guess.

Neal: Well what solar system was it in?

ALF: I don't know. This may be a good time to tell you. I was a P.E. major.

Mrs. Watson: We've had a lot of complaints about you from the other tenants!

Neal: You have?

Mrs. Watson: I'm afraid so. But I told them, "he's new, he's down on his luck, his wife threw him out, and he's a little pathetic."

Neal: Well, thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

Fever [4.12]

Willie: How are you feeling, ALF?

ALF: Like someone stuffed gerbils up my nose!

Kate: Willie!

ALF: Oh, yeah. He's pinned underneath the grill. I didn't want to embarrass him by drawing undue attention to him.

It's My Party [4.13]

Willie: Oh, what the heck, honey? Let's do it! Let's throw a party?

Kate: I don't know, Willie. What about "you know who"?

ALF: Who, Brian? Don't worry about it! I'll have a talk with him!

[Willie ties ALF up outside after seeing him in the room dancing]

ALF: Willie, it's not my fault. It was that devil music, it called to me. Suddenly, I was burning with passion, desperately looking for a carbon maranda hat. The kind of fruit?

Willie: Ah, ha! You can't be trusted pal, this is for your own good.

ALF: Ha! There isn't a garbage shed in the town that could hold [Willie leaves after tying ALF up] Da, da, da, da, da, da, [burps] Ow!

Make 'em Laugh [4.14]

ALF: Anyone here have been to a fast food restaurant? On Melmac, they were the worst. You ask for extra crispy, they give you a cat with a tritest. [crowd laughs] You know about the Melmacian National Library burning down? They lost both books. [crowd laughs] And the second one wasn't even colored in yet! Ha! [everyone claps]

[ALF wakes up from his dream]

ALF: I was funny, I was funny, I was funny.

Willie: [he and Kate come in the room] ALF!

ALF: Whoa!

Willie: You're alright?

ALF: Oh, Willie, I had a nightmare. I was a stand up comic and I had to clean up vomit! Listen, I've decided not to be a comedian. I hope you're not too disappointed.

Willie: Oh, we dealt with you giving up Dirty Dancing I think we can deal with this.

ALF: Thanks. I just realized I'm too pretty to be funny. I envy you Kate.

Kate: Thanks, AL.

ALF: What?

Kate: You heard me. Breakfast will be ready in 15 minutes. [leaves the room]

Willie: [does do some kung fu moves] Because you must be STARVING, STRAVING! [ALF freaks out] Hurry up because Eric in Charge is on!

ALF: No! [wakes up from his real dream] No, no! Whoa! Whew! Well at least Woody Allen liked me. I'm getting out of comedy. Think I'll be a plate spinner. Yeah.

Love on the Rocks [4.15]

Neal: What if Margaret's the only one who ever wants me?

ALF: In that case, take this sock of quarters and buy a gun.

ALF: Not bad. Do it again. And this time, try to show a little leg.

Lynn: ALF, I'm auditioning for Joan of Arc. I don't really think that would be appropriate. Just tell me if I've got the lines right.

ALF: Okay. But I'm telling you, it would be a lot funnier if you were holding a rubber chicken.

True Colors [4.16]

ALF: I can't believe it! My life no longer has meaning.

Willie: Everything back to normal.

ALF: Lynn, a word to the wise. Forget art! Stick with plan A - throw yourself at the first rich man to come along.

Gimme That Old Time Religion [4.17]

[the Tanners help ALF becoming a minister. They are asking him questions from Melmac's holy book]

Brian: What's is the kindest thing that you can do for someone else?

ALF: Burp down wind.

Willie: He's right. It says, "He who burps down wind can party with me any time."

Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades [4.18]

ALF: I gotta face the facts…one of these days, Kate and Willie are going to take the six-foot plunge!

Consider Me Gone [4.24]

ALF: [reading his stick] Four years and they give me a stick.

[last scene of the series]

Willie: Safe home, my friend.

ALF: No problem, we'll be going against traffic.

[A light shines on ALF as it's ready to take him home]

Willie: ALF, someone's coming, get back here!

[a group of vans come]

ALF: What, aahh! Uh.. uh oh! Wait, wait! Don't leave me!

[a group of officers come]

Brian: ALF! Dad, do something!

Officer: Stay where you are.

ALF: [last lines] Uh.. hey guys want to grab a Burski? How about those Lakers, huh? This is my luck, I'm a sports fan among you.

[the final episode ends with a group of officers surrounding ALF]