Persian wedding

Khastegāri (Persian: خواستگاری‎) is the first step of the traditional Iranian courtship process. In olden times, when it was time for a young man to get married, his family would look for potential brides who came from families of similar standing in the community. Once the man, or his family, had decided on a potential bride, the Khastegāri process would take place. In modern Iran, this practice is replaced by the courtship of the man and woman and their mutual decision to start the khastegari (courtship) process.

For this ceremony, one or more representatives of the man's family would visit the woman's family. The first visit could be for the parties to become acquainted. At each visit, the man's family would present a bouquet of flowers and the women, as good hostesses, provided tea, fruits and sweets. Both the woman and the man had their say in whether or not they would like a follow up on the visits. Once both parties had established serious intentions for the relationship, the man's family would bring sweets and a larger bouquet and officially pop the question. In modern-day Iran, the Khastegari is a one-time formality. It is a sign of respect to the parents of both parties for them (as wiser/elders) to have their thoughts shared with the potential future bride and groom.

At the Second Khastegāri (Persian: خواستگاری دوم‎) a marriage proposal is made by the suitor and his family. The woman's family welcome the party and invite them to sit in the reception room.

At first, members of the bride's family talk about the virtues of the girl. Traditionally, modesty was among the most highly valued qualities, along with domestic skills like cooking, embroidery, and entertaining at social gatherings (Mehmān Navāzi). Less emphasis is placed on these characteristics nowadays. In modern times important characteristics are the education level and intelligence of the girl, her ability to make the most of the situation when times get tough, and her future prospects. After hearing about the potential bride, the man's family will discuss his own merits, usually his education and/or career prospects. The woman's parents will normally ask the suitor if he is able to provide her with accommodation, and if he is able to support their daughter financially. They may also discuss any religious commitments.

The most important part comes when the bride's father calls for the tea to be served. In the most traditional families, the first time that the man and woman see each other is when she enters to offer tea and pastries to the guests. At the end of the second Khastegāri, the man and the woman will be given time alone to talk in private. This usually involves a discussion about what they want for the future.

It is important to note that, nowadays in most families, the first two Khastegaris are done in one step. Usually, the man and the woman already know each other and are the ones who have instigated the ceremony.

Baleh Borān (Persian: بله بران‎) is the ceremony which takes place a short period of time after the formal proposal, publicly announcing the couple's intention to form a union. At this stage, both the man and woman are happy with each other and, traditionally, both their families have agreed to the union and any conditions surrounding the marriage.

The groom's parents usually give a gift to the bride at this ceremony. According to an ancient Zoroastrian practice, this is done by the groom's family in order to persuade the bride to accept the proposal. The traditional gift is a ring.

Hana Bandān (Persian: حنابندان‎) is the ceremony held one day before the wedding in the home of bride and groom. It generally takes place at the girl's home and among women, although either side can choose to host it. Usually dry henna brought by the bridegroom's family is broken to pieces in a silver or copper vessel by a woman whose father and mother alive, not experienced any separation. After preparing the bride, veil ornamented with red flake is placed over her head, and she is brought into the middle with hymn and folk songs about henna.

Henna that has earlier kneaded with water is brought in on a tray surrounded by candles and placed in the middle of the room. In some places, the henna is first put on the hands of the bride and then distributed to the guests; in other areas the henna is first distributed to the guests, and only after everybody has left is it placed on the bride's hands. If the woman so wishes, henna can also be placed on her feet and hair.

Considerable attention is paid to charging a woman with a happy marriage to knead and distribute the henna and apply it to the girl's hand. The woman places the henna on one of the bride's hands, and a young girl places it on the other. Before the henna is applied, coins or gold are also placed in her hands. After woman who came together for dying henna leave, close friend of the bride remain with her and enjoy themselves till morning.

The Nāmzadi ceremony (Persian: مراسم نامزدی‎) takes place at the bride's family home. The man and woman, alongside their families, will determine "the gift of love", known as the Mehr/Mehrieh, as well as the date of the wedding. This may be held as early as a year before the wedding itself, in order to allow time for all the wedding arrangements to be made. The Iranian engagement ceremony, known as the Nāmzadi, involves the bride and groom exchanging rings, followed by a reception and/or party.

Iranian Bamiyeh.

It is tradition to eat Bamieh sweet in the Shirini-Khoran The sharing of refreshments that follows the Nāmzadi ceremony is called Shirin Khorān (Persian: شیرینی خوران‎ lit. eating sweets) including tea and Persian desserts such as bāmiyeh (light doughnut balls), Nān-e berenji (rice flour cookies), chocolates, ājil (nuts and dried fruit), are served as part of the festivities. Eating sweet food stuffs at celebratory events such as an engagement ceremony carry symbolism such as wishing for sweetness in the couple's life in general.

The Jahāz Barān (Persian: جهازبران‎) also known as Tabagh Barān (Persian: طبق بران‎) ceremony is a few days before the wedding, presents from the bride's family are taken over to the groom's house. Men from the groom's family dressed up in festive costumes carry the presents on elaborately decorated large flat containers carried on their heads. The containers are called tabagh (Persian: طبق‎). This ceremony is also called Tabagh Bārān. Although this tradition might be practised in small towns and villages, in cities such as Tehran, an alternative means of transportation is used to deliver the gifts to the bride.

There is a very elaborate floor spread set up for Aghd, including several kinds of food and decorations, this is called Sofreh Aghd (Persian: سفره عقد‎). Items in the table include:

• The Seven Herbs: Khashkhash (poppy seeds), Berenj (rice), Sabzi Khoshk (Angelica), salt, Raziyane (Nigella seeds), Cha'i (black tea leaves) and Kondor (Frankincense).
• The Seven Pastries: Noghl, Baklava, Toot (Persian marzipan), Naan-e Bereneji (rice cookies), Naan-e Badami (almond cookies) and Naan-Nokhodchi (chickpea cookie) are placed on the spread and traditionally served to the guests after the ceremony.
• Mirror of Fate and two candelabras, symbols of light and fire. When the bride enters the room she has her veil covering her face. Once the bride sits beside the bridegroom she removes her veil and the first thing that the bridegroom sees in the mirror should be the reflection of his wife-to-be.
• The Blessed Bread: A specially baked bread with calligraphy written on it.
• "Naan-o Paneer-o Sabzi": Bread, feta cheese, and greens are also placed on the spread to symbolize the basic food that is needed to sustain life. They are traditionally served to guests after the ceremony.
• Symbols of Fertility: decorated eggs, almonds, walnuts and hazelnuts.
• The Heavenly Fruits: pomegranates, grapes, apples.
• Coins: A bowl of gold or silver coins representing wealth and prosperity.
• The Sacred Text: The Avesta, Qur'an, Bible, or Torah is placed in front of the couple on the spread. Some families also add a poetry book such as Rumi's Diwan-e Shams-e Tabrizi, Hafez's Divan, or the Shahnameh by Ferdowsi.
• Prayer Rug: A prayer rug (Jaa-ye Namaaz) or a traditional Iranian Termeh is placed in the center of the wedding spread. The spreadprayer rug, open in the Aghd-cloth is to remind the couple of the importance of prayer to God. The prayer carpet also includes a small cube of clay with prayers written on it (Mohr) and a rosary (Tasbih). Non-Muslim families may or may not omit the prayer kit.

A scarf or shawl made out of silk or any other fine fabric is held over the bride and bridegroom's heads (who are sitting by the Sofreh) by a few unmarried female relatives (bridesmaids). Two sugar cones made out of hardened sugar are used during the ceremony. These sugar cones are softly ground together above the bride and bridegroom's heads by a happily married female relative (and/or maid of honor) throughout the ceremony to shower them in sweetness. The sugar drops in the held fabric, not on their heads.

Traditionally, on Pātakhti (Persian: پاتختی‎) the bride wears a lot of floral ornaments and the decoration of the house with flowers is provided by the groom's family. It is similar to American Bridal shower. The relatives of the bride and the groom bring them presents. This is usually more of a party with finger foods, sweets and drink than a sit-down dinner. The majority of the night is spent dancing and socializing. It's almost like a bridal shower, but is held after the wedding.

Pagoshā (Persian: پاگشا‎), which literally means opening leg, but does not have anything to do with its literal meaning, it is a gesture of acceptance and open arms. It is a ceremony held in the house of newly married couple's relatives, during which Runamā (Persian: رونما‎) which is the name of the gift is usually given to the bride and groom by the relatives. The couple's new status as "a family" is celebrated this way. In Iran, where families are a lot bigger and there are more of them around to throw parties, it is usually a very exciting and exhausting time for families of the bride and the groom who are invited to one Pagosha after another for several weeks following a wedding.

Mādarzan Salām (Persian: مادرزن سلام‎) literally “hello mother in law” is generally the morning after the wedding ceremony when groom visits his mother in law and presents her with a gift.

Mah-e Asal (Persian: ماه عسل‎) is a vacation spent together by a newly married couple. Northern provinces of Iran such as Mazanderan, Golestan and Gilan are very popular honeymoon destinations. In recent years cities of Turkish Riviera such as Antalya and Alanya have been attracting more Iranian newlyweds because of no visa requirement between Iran and Turkey.