Off the derech

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Category: Jews and Judaism Portal: Judaism

Off the derech (OTD), from the Hebrew word derech (meaning 'path'), is an expression used to describe someone who leaves an Orthodox Jewish community. The term applies to a broad range of ex-Orthodox Jews, including those who leave Hasidic communities, ultra-Orthodox or Haredi communities, and Modern Orthodox communities. At times, individuals who move from a stricter form of Orthodoxy to a more lenient form of Orthodoxy are considered "off the derech" by their original communities.

OTD is not a movement per se, as there are no leaders, established groups, single philosophy, or organized outreach. OTD individuals find their own paths in life, ranging in degrees of connection to Judaism or to spirituality, while some embrace other religions and some are secular and/or atheist.

There are three broad groups of those who have left Orthodoxy. There are the "kids at risk" – those people who behave badly, do drugs, engage in criminal activity, and do not keep halacha; those who are well-adjusted and have stopped keeping halacha; and those who still keep halacha, but do not share the beliefs of their previous form of Orthodoxy.^[1]

Terminology

The term was originally derogatory, coined by Orthodox Jews to denote that someone had left what they considered to be the one true path. However, OTD individuals and groups have reclaimed the term and often use it to describe themselves, despite the previous negative connotations. Some use it simply as a convenient shorthand, while others use it in the sense of being off a narrow path and on a wider one. Some use OTD to cheekily mean 'on the derech', arguing that they have found their own paths. Within the broad range of OTD individuals and groups, there is a difference of opinion on whether it is better to reclaim the term or to use a new one altogether. One alternative is XO, a term coined by an OTD individual to signify 'ex-Orthodox' while also playing on a term for 'love'.

Though people have left religious Judaism throughout history, the term is anachronistic if used to describe an individual who lived before the 20th century. The contemporary phenomenon of OTD shares some similarities with the Haskalah movement in its disaffection with traditional modes of religion, its secularization and interest in secular education, and in experimenting with a secular Jewish culture. Like Haskalah, its members tend to be secularists and religious decentralists.^[2]

Reasons for leaving

Nishma Research carried out a survey of OTD individuals in 2016, which revealed a widely-varied and complex set of reasons people leave, and the process in which they do so.^[3]

The dominant Orthodox perspective is that people leave because of ta'avos, temptations, which they are too weak to resist. The Nishma study, as well as a study by Faranak Margolese, found that not to be the case. Rather, "Most formerly observant Jews today seem to have left, not because the outside world pulled them in, but rather because the observant one pushed them out. They experienced Judaism as a source of pain ... so they did what was natural: run in the other direction."^[4]

Other studies point to the social and emotional aspect of Orthodox Judaism, and individuals' feelings of being silenced, marginalized, or ignored within the rigid social structure.^[5]

Emotional and intellectual factors in an individual's decision to continue practicing Orthodox Judaism or to leave cannot be separated. As Margolese writes, "Observance = Positive feelings + Belief + Ability to implement (in that order)."^[6]

Some selected reasons revealed by these studies:

• bad behavior in the community, especially from community leaders
• oppressive community norms
• experiencing religious observance as a condition for parents' or teachers' love or approval
• difficulty reconciling strict interpretations of Torah and Talmud with knowledge of natural sciences

Processes of leaving

One study by Roni Berger found four milestones common in the narratives of study participants: 1) initial questioning; 2) growing doubts; 3) beginning to share selectively with a small group of trusted others; 4) revealing a new and altered identity.^[7] This process of religious disaffiliation is echoed by Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh (1988) in an article about ex-nuns.^[8] In the case of nuns, Ebuagh says the process is 1) first doubts; 2) seeking and weighing role alternatives; 3) a turning point; 4) establishing an ex-role identity.

Lynn Davidman's book acknowledges the often messy process of leaving, including a period of "passing" when individuals would move between two worlds.^[5] This period is characterized by confusion, doubts, depression, and defiance, but also by self-confidence and courage to leave the regimented world they grew up in and begin to live in another world.

Traumatic effects of leaving

Individuals who leave Orthodox Judaism often face rejection from friends and family members. This knowledge often leads individuals who have doubts to first try to reconcile their doubts, in order to avoid the risk of losing family and friends. At this stage, individuals often experience anxiety and depression.^[5]

Leaving any faith-based community has its traumatic effects, including the need to come to grips with losing a sense of reliance on a god, and reconciling one's self to the idea that one must stand on one's own two feet.^[9] OTD individuals also struggle with ideas ingrained about god's punishment, often leading to extreme feelings of guilt.^[5]

Leaving a close-knit community where every member of the community is taken care of is often financially challenging as well.

The suicide rate among those who have left Orthodox Judaism is disproportionately high.^[10] Faigy Mayer's 2015 suicide was covered by many media outlets, which led to a spate of think-pieces about OTD suicides.^[11]

Connection to communities

Individuals who leave Orthodox communities often have difficulty extricating themselves from the religious life while still maintaining contact with families, and they often have difficulty adjusting to the secular world after leaving the insularity of the Orthodox enclaves. Many individuals form groups of friends who get together for shabbat dinners and other practices with cultural significance.^[5][12]

Some Haredi Jews never leave the community despite losing their faith, and they are sometimes referred to as Reverse Marranos,^[13][14] double-lifers,^[3] or Orthoprax Jews.^[15] The decision to stay is often influenced by fear of being ostracized and having to rebuild community, or by fear of losing one's spouse and/or children.^[3]

Many OTD individuals become activists for various causes. Some examples: ZAAKAH works to prevent child sexual abuse,^[16][17] YAFFED advocates for basic secular education^[18] among ultra-Orthodox and Hasidic Jews, and JQY focuses on LGBTQ+ causes.^[19] Many OTD individuals are also involved in "Unchained at Last",^[20] Unchained at Last which works to end child marriages and forced marriages.

Orthodox communities' responses

The perspective of Orthodox individuals and leaders toward those who left range from considering them apostates to be shunned and derided, to wayward people in pain who need to be shown love.

Agudath Israel of America, a leading ultra-Orthodox organization, addresses the topic of individuals leaving Orthodox Judaism often. At their national conventions in 2015 and 2016, they addressed the topic in panels titled "OTD: Why Do They Leave? And What Can We Do About It?"^[21] and "Diving Off The Derech The Emerging Adult At Risk Phenomenon."^[22]

Groups and resources

Ad-hoc OTD communities have developed, with the most established being Footsteps,^[23] founded in December 2003 to help orthodox Jews who want to explore the option of leaving their insular communities. Informal communities have developed on websites, blogs and Facebook groups as well.^[24]

• Facebook Groups: Off the Derech,^[25] OTD Meetup,^[26] LGBTQ and Off the Derech,^[27] OTD Social Skills – On the Derech Learning,^[28] OTD Sisterhood^[29]
• The Off the Derech website: Begun in the wake of Deb Tambor's suicide, to combat the causes that led to her death by providing support and community for "people who have left or are considering leaving their families’ derech."^[30]
• OTD Manual: "words of wisdom, guidance, and loving support by those who have left the orthodox, ultra-orthodox, and Chassidic lifestyle"^[31]
• Challenging Sinai^[32]
• Footsteps - United States^[33]
• Forward - Montreal, Canada^[34]
• Mavar - United Kingdom^[35]
• GesherEU - UK and Europe^[36]
• Hillel - Israel^[37]
• Jouw Leven Jouw Keuze - Antwerp, Belgium^[38]
• It Gets Besser Instagram: a curated account of before-and-after photos of OTD individual^[39]
• It Gets Besser YouTube^[40]
• It's Okay to Go: stories of people leaving many kinds of faith-based communities^[41]

Personal stories

A few stories have been recorded, as in the documentary film One of Us and in a trending New York Times piece by Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Off the Derech profiles OTD individuals' stories,^[42] and many blogs detail the process and journey of questioning, struggling with doubt, leaving, and adjusting to secular society.^{[43][44][45][46][47][48]}

OTD individuals in the public eye include:

• Judy Brown^[49]
• Shulem Deen^[50]
• Matisyahu^[51]
• Naftuli Moster
• Abby Stein^[52]
• Luzer Twersky
• Leah Vincent^[53]
• Melissa Malky Weisz^[54]
• David Volach^[55]

See also

• Apostasy in Judaism
• Baal teshuva, a Jew raised in a non-observant family who becomes observant as an adult
• Frum, to describe observant Jews

References

Further reading

• Faranak Margolese, Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism; How to Respond to the Challenge, Devora Publishing, 2005.
• Hella Winston, Unchosen: The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels, Beacon Press, 2006.
• Sharp, Heather (11 January 2010), "High cost of leaving ultra-orthodox Judaism", BBC
• Nishma Research (June 2016) conducted the first large-scale quantitative study ever of this group, with a survey of 885 people who have left Orthodoxy, "Survey of Those Who Have Left Orthodoxy"