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Leverage (2008–2012) is an American TV series created by John Rogers and Chris Downey. It follows a group of thieves who steal mainly from corrupt corporations to return money to their victims.

The (Very) Big Bird Job [5.01]

Sophie: That was the con I used to sell the Brooklyn Bridge the year we met!

Nate: I know. That's why I did it.

Sophie: That's romantic.

Hardison: To do: hack the National Artifact website. [sarcastically] Yay. What else?

Nate: He's nowhere near his office. I don't know, we're at some sort of museum.

Hardison: What kind of museum?

Nate: You know, the kind that has a 747 on the top of it. Portland is, uh...odd.

Sophie: We're gonna have to have a serious talk about moving somewhere with less rain.

Hardison: London has rain.

Sophie: No, London has fog. Fog is mysterious. Rain just ruins my hair.

Parker: Thief Juice! It's a mouth crime.

Nate: [to Scott Roemer] Global Transit? Yeah, we've done some business together.

Hardison: [over comms] Nate, please do not introduce yourself. Like I said, I have no IDs that--

Nate: Tommy Mackinaw. Mackinaw Import/Export. Nice to meet you.

Hardison: Yes. Please. Thank you. Do go ahead and pick the one name on earth that does not exist.

Hardison: The--the Spruce Goose? The Spruce Goose, built by Howard Huges, the Tony Stark of the '40s, biggest plane on earth, made of all wood, wingspan-longer-than-a-football-field Spruce Goose?

Sophie: It's gets worse. Tomorrow, the board of directors are voting on a merger with two passenger airlines. And Roemer's gonna move the maintenance to his Mexico facility. The next time one of his planes falls out of the sky, it's gonna be full of people.

Hardison: Okay. [to Nate] Nate, I realize this is the kind of guy that makes you very angry. Please do not do what I think you're about to do.

Sophie: I blame you.

Hardison: Me? I didn't tell the man to run a scam using the biggest airplane on earth.

Sophie: Why are you okay with this? You seem perfectly happy to be in this...town.

Parker: We're here.

Sophie: Yeah, I know. "We're here, get used to it."

Parker: No. We're here. Us.

Sophie: Oh. That's sweet.

Parker: Yeah. Me and my money, Hardison and Eliot, Nate and you.

Sophie: Yeah? Parker, why does the money always come before the people?

Eliot: To be honest, when you're not on the receiving end of it, watching him [Nate] mess with somebody's head is pretty impressive.

Hardison: Yeah. He's like one of those aliens that feeds off of people's fear.

Eliot [facing a group of armed men]: I'm only going to say this once boys. Give me the ...[hesitates]... teddy bear.

The Blue Line Job [5.02]

Nate [explaining the enforcers]: ...It's sort of like the fear of having to fight one of them is what keeps everything cool

Parker [non-chalantly]: Oh. Sherling's theory of rational deterrence. [everyone stares at parker in surprise] Cold war?

Nate [hesitantly]: That's actually, terrifyingly, exactly right.

Sophie: Fights in every period, even on power plays?

Nate: How would you even know what...?

Sophie: I thought this guy was like a minor-league hammer, you know like Dave the Hammer Schultz?

Nate: Who is she...?

Sophie: What? Oh, a girl can't watch hockey?

Nate: What did you steal?

Sophie: [quietly] Something...hockey related. A certain...trophy.

Nate: No you didn't. No, not the Stanley Cup. No. I saw it last year in Boston.

Sophie: No, that was a fake.

Nate: It wasn't a fake.

Sophie: And not a very good one, no, no, no, sorry. My engraver was awful.

Nate: Okay, so where's the real one?

Sophie: [in her con voice] I don't remember.

[later]

Nate: Are you messing with me?

Sophie: When did I ever lie about a grift?

Nate: All right, so tell.... Tell me where it is.

Sophie: Oh. There's Vlad.

[later]

Nate: So, is it, um, someplace warm?

Sophie: I don't remember

Nate: Hm. Is it in Boston?

Sophie: Nate, I don't remember.

Nate: Are you sure it's the Stanley Cup?

Sophie: That I remember.

Nate: Where's the last place you remember having it?

Sophie: [Smiles] I don't remember.

Eliot: Bad choices are bad choices. It doesn't matter why you made them. And they tear you apart, from the inside out. And you don't even notice.

Parker: Did I fall asleep again?

Hardison: Yeah.

Parker: How did the movie end?

Hardison: Soylent Green is people!

Parker: WHOA!

Hardison: I know. Just--just sit with that for a while.

Sophie: Are you having a staring contest with a turtle?

Nate: No, I just won a staring contest with a turtle.

Sophie: Is it weird that I find that oddly attractive?

The First Contact Job [5.03]

Elliot: What kind of guy names a toilet after himself?

Sophie: Someone who cares more about fame than respect, that's for sure.

[As the group is listening to electronic static]

Eliot: [Walking in] Who got the military satellite intercept? You're not supposed to... [Sophie gives him a look] It's a very distinctive static.

[The team is discussing a defense contractor]

Eliot: Yeah, I know those guys. They used to stamp their logo on the side of our attack choppers and we had to sand it off before we-- [Suddenly notices that Nate and Sophie are staring at him] --went fishing. For fish. Yeah.

Parker: I win. I want to go bungee jumping.

Hardison: We already did that.

Parker: Not off a hot air balloon.

Hardison: I seriously need to win one of these bets.

Sophie: Why would someone dedicate so much time listening to nothing?

Nate: For the hope of what they might hear.

Kanack: Look, all I care about is the signal we received. Do you think you can decipher it? Mister...?

Eliot: Riker, Willy Riker. Willy Riker is my full name.

Nate: Let's go steal a close encounter.

Nate: Okay. We need to fix this. We need to give our client back his reputation.

Parker: How do we do that?

Nate: By making Kanack insane.

Hardison: [grinning] And he's back.

Parker: [using E. T.'s voice, poking Eliot] El-i-ot.

Hardison: You know, Fermi's paradox says that it's improbable for other life forms to exist.

Eliot: Yeah? Well, Drake's equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy there's up to ten thousand planets with technological civilization. [Smiles at Hardison who gives him a surprised look] You never know when you might have to fight an alien.

Hardison and Eliot: [singing to a remix of the alien signal] Two good ol' boys behind the wheel, chasing down bad guys in Lucille. [repeat]

James Kanack: Alfred Wallace created the theory of evolution years before Darwin, but it's Darwin's theory of evolution. [[w:Nikola Tesla]|Nikola Tesla]] invented alternating current, but all the power companies are named after Thomas Edison. So why are Darwin and Edison famous, and Tesla and Wallace footnotes? Because history is written by the winners. You get your name on it first, you get it out there the most, and twenty years later, you invented it.

Eliot: [as Riker] Put your hands on me, I'll break your friggin' clavicle.

[Parker walking in as thugs fall on top of Eliot's back]

Parker: [In E.T. voice] Ooouch.

Hardison: You know the difference between us and them?

Parker: Hmm?

Hardison: We make this look good.

Sophie: Just so you know, I really, really hate you.

Nate: [chuckles] Hm! Don't worry. It's perfectly safe. [pause] Ish.

[later:]

Sophie: That is the last time I lie about playing Peter Pan on Broadway!

Hardison: Oh, come on. These dudes traveled 10,000 lightyears to get here. You're gonna scare them off with a putter?

Hardison: I programmed the electronic and the lighting to go haywire intermittently for the rest of the night.

Nate: Good.

Hardison: You don't think he'll try to leave?

[Inside]

Karnack: [In terror] No!

[Outside]

Nate: Would you?

Parker: [Looking over the equipment] Hey.

Hardison: Hey.

Parker: This gives me a good idea.

Hardison: Whatever it is, no.

[later Parker and Hardison are on a date]

Parker: I'll be right here. [points to Hardison's heart]

The French Connection Job [5.04]

Eliot: He showed me I could use my knife to create instead of destroy.

Eliot: He's one of the guys that kept me from falling all the way down, and now I'm asking the other guy to understand why I'm gonna help him.

Eliot: All right, everyone, listen up. Come down to table 2 and line up. The chef who was gonna be with you today has booked another gig, so I am your new instructor.

Whitney: What's your name?

Eliot: Chef!

Hardison: I get to fire a laser. YAY!!! Geeking in the kitchen. Uh, makes me want to dance!

Eliot: Nate, it's not drugs Lampart is dealing. It's bigger, a lot bigger.

Nate: If it's not drugs, what is it?

Eliot: Truffles.

Parker: [to Nate] I don't have a thing... Eliot has a thing, he loves food. Sophie loves theater. You have a sicko love of controlling people.

Sophie: Oh, Nate, you know that the core of good acting comes from persistence of tectonics.

Nate: No idea what that means. Very concerned that you do.

Hardison: Think about it. Levitating food could replace--

Eliot: I will stab you in the neck!

Hardison: Don't hate the barbecue, hate the sauce.

Hope [holding up a red onion]: I'm out of these purple tomatoes.

Eliot: Hope, those are red onions.

Nate: [over comms] Sophie, we're gonna run a version of the White Van Speakers. Your acting students, do you think they can handle it?

Sophie: Of course they can. They're my students.

[Zachary ululates and then falls to the floor]

Nate:What was that?

Sophie: It's just Zachary getting to his authentic place.

Nate: [Repeated line in episode] Gnar Slabdash. The "n" is mostly silent.

Jean-Luc: [talking to his henchman] What is wrong with you? He is not a real man. He is a chef. He cooks little food in little pots and pans! Allez! Allez! Allez!

Hardison: I can make blue spaghetti or I can blow a safe.

[After Eliot beats Rampone in a knife fight]

Nate: Eliot. Not worth it. Give him to the cops.

Rampone: Call off your dog. He's crazy.

Eliot: Crazy? I'm gonna cut your freaking head off and serve in on a platter.

[Later]

Nate: Serve his head on a platter, huh?

Eliot: Was it too much?

Nate: No, actually, I liked it.

Eliot: I felt like it was a lot. Like, right when I said it, I felt like I may have gone too far.

The Gimme a K Street Job [5.05]

Parker: What do I know about teenage girls?

Nate: Um, You were a teenage girl?

Parker: Only sort of.

Sophie: Did you know about this, girls being dropped from 20 feet? It's unbelievable.

Parker: I know, right? 20 feet. Pfft, walk it off.

Sophie: Parker, you do know that normal people don't just walk off a 20 foot fall, right?

Parker [seriously concerned]: So all those times I pushed Hardison off a building and he was all WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH--he wasn't just being funny?

Hardison: No.

Eliot: I thought it was funny, Parker.

Haridson: No way in hell was it funny.

Eliot: You were always upside down, man.

Hardison: I fell off a building, yeah I was upside down.

Eliot: Like a pinwheel, like a Himalayan tree frog.

Hardsion: You call me a frog?

Eliot: [makes popping sounds while gesturing with his hands]

Hardison: You call me a damn frog?

Eliot: Pop pop and upside down. Yeah.

Hardison: Say it to my face.

Nate: Guys, maybe focus. Guys, focus.

Hardison: Damn frog.

Sophie: I love government. Shady deals, back-room meetings. It is grifter paradise.

Eliot: This is wrong. We work outside the law, not smack-dab in the middle of it.

Nate: Relax, Eliot. Elected officials are the easiest marks in the world. Between their ego, the greed, and the politics, more hooks than a bait shop.

Nate: Let's go steal us some congressmen.

Nate: You said you like back-room dealings.

Sophie: I like stealing things that are real. Cash, of course. Land, sure. Art, yes, please. Corn subsidies? Not so much.

Hardison: Are you for real, man? You telling me you bought a congressman with a lunch?

Nate: It was a nice lunch.

Nate: Okay, people, let's grift.

Sophie: Corn subsidies. Why did it have to be corn subsidies?

Nate: Sophie, where are you?

Sophie: Trying to improve the air quality standards in Massachusetts.

Nate: Okay, for corn subsidies?

Sophie: [frustrated] No, to get me the fishery concessions, that I then trade for logging rights, to get me the redistricting deal, that gets me the grant funding, that gets me the solar subsidies, that finally gets me the bloody stinking corn subsidies. I don't know how anything gets done around here. You have to be a grifter to run government.

Nate: Hardison? How you doing?

Hardison: Look, Nate, I'm good with systems. You know that. But this, this system hacks back. I got 7 million dollars sitting right here, set aside for mad cow testing, which nobody uses, because, I mean, you know, nobody wants to know that they got mad cow cows.

Nate: Yeah, so give them to the cheerleaders.

Hardison: [beyond frustrated] I can't, man. There's a law right here that says that there has to be money set aside for mad cow testing, which nobody does! Makes no sense. There's no rhyme, no reason, no... [to himself] It's cool. Don't pop a nerve. Don't pop a nerve. Don't throw a book.

Parker: ...while everyone is heeeerrreee. Where's Madison? WHERE IS MADISON? Great, I lost a cheerleader...

[Nate and Parker interrogating Ashley]

Parker: Okay, Ashley. Where's Madison?

Ashley: Can I have some water?

Nate: In a minute. Why don't you tell us again, from the top?

Ashley: I don't know where Madison went.

Parker: [loudly] Don't give us that. The girls say you're her best friend. Best friends talk, Angela. Are you gonna talk, huh? Are you? Huh?!

Nate: Easy. Easy. Easy. Your coach gets a little hot under the collar.

Ashley: Am I in trouble? Are you gonna call my parents?

Nate: Hm. [Exchanges a glance with Parker] You can parent up. That's your right.

[Parker twists a lamp light toward Ashley]

Ashley: Madison talked to me in confidence.

Parker: A big word for a little girl.

Nate: Where's Madison?

[Parker bends down to her and growls]

Cheerleader: Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready, let's go.

Nate: Ready?

Hardison: Ready!

Sophie: Ready.

Eliot: Ready.

Parker: Ready.

Nate: Let's go.

Wendy Baran: Two, four, six eight. Who do we annihilate?

Baran: You underestimated me. People underestimate cheerleaders all the time. I didn't. I saw a niche, and I exploited it. Every girl wants to be a cheerleader. Every girl wants to be pretty. Every girl wants to be popular. And they will pay anything to get it. Cheerleaders built me a $300 million a year company because I didn't underestimate them.

Nate: Hm. You know, I really don't think I underestimated you. In fact, I think I estimated you just...about...Wait for it... [Baran's phone starts ringing] ...right.

J.J. LeGrange: Hi. How are you? J.J. LeGrange. [shakes Parker's hand]

Parker: I don't vote.

LeGrange: [chuckles] Oh, you will.

Aide: Your tickets, ma'am.

Hardison: What was that about?

Sophie: I'm just planning a trip to the Gulf. The military are breaking ground on Fort Deveraux.

The D.B. Cooper Job [5.06]

Sophie: [giving the briefing] It's 1971, the day before Thanksgiving. A 727 takes off from Portland bound for Seattle. It is hijacked by this man, a passenger who goes by the name of Dan Cooper.

Parker: Wait. I thought his name was D.B. Cooper?

Hardison: That was misheard by a reporter at the scene, and then it was repeated until it became gospel. [To Sophie] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your swooning. Go on and swoon.

Hardison: Sophie, just real quick, you had a poster of D.B. over your bed when you was like, 15. Tell the truth. You did, didn't you?

Sophie: So what? What if I did?

Peter: It's not a weakness to see the good in people. It's not a flaw or a bad thing to trust.

[After hearing Peter McSweeten has died]

Todd: Dad loved his coffee.

Steve Reynolds: Yeah. He'd let it get ice cold and top it off all day long. Drove me crazy.

Parker: What else do you remember about him?

Reynolds: Well, he was a hell of a shot.

Todd: Yeah, but a terrible driver.

Reynolds: [Laughs] That's true. One time, we're in this high-speed chase, and he plows us right into this restaurant dumpster. Plow! What a mess! So we get out of the car, we're looking at the damage, and this girl comes running up to us and says somebody attacked her and that maybe she thought he was the CIA or one of the Russians. She's tripping on acid. She's a runaway. So I'm ready to hand her over to the paramedics. Peter's got her in the back seat of the car. "Take us to him," he tells her. We found the guy! He's in the bus station! And the next day, he takes us to the woods where he's buried three other runaways. I say to Peter, "Hey. This girl, she was, she was strung out. She was ranting. I mean, how did you know?" He said, "All I heard...was that she was afraid." So... [lifts a glass] ...here's to Peter McSweeten...who couldn't drive a lick.

Hardison: So, back to square one?

Nate: I prefer back to the drawing board. It's more hopeful.

Todd: He's a criminal. He belongs in jail.

Nate: Is that what you really want?

Todd: Yes, it's what my father wanted more than anything in the world--to bring D.B. Cooper to justice.

Nate: Todd, your dad had a gift I believe he passed on to you. He could see goodness in people. And because of that, he did bring D.B. Cooper to justice.

Nate: If you could choose someone from The Odyssey that most resembles me, who would it be?

Sophie: Well...the hero, obviously. Odysseus. Cunning warrior, master of disguise, and it means "trouble" in Greek.

Nate: When you spend most of your time getting inside the minds of bad people, you are looking for their flaws and their weaknesses, that's pretty much all you see in everyone.

Sophie: That's not what happened to Peter McSweeten.

Nate: Ah, Peter McSweeten isn't Jimmy Ford's son.

The Real Fake Car Job [5.07]

Kyle Davis: I just figured a guy like you would have, I don't know, an office or something.

Nate: Oh, yeah, I tried it once. Had trouble keeping it in one piece.

Hardison: WitSec is like the ninth circle of hell for guys like him. Like us! I mean Nate, do you think you could just go back to being John Q. and not go insane if you had to give it all up?

Nate: Sure, maybe. Maybe not. Really, I don't think beyond the job that's right in front of us. I don't have the luxury to think beyond that, so...

Sophie: Really?

Nate: Hmmm?

Sophie: That's the best you got?

Eliot: Erickson doesn't strike me as a mob guy.

Nate: Because he's not. No, he establishes mob ties as a get-out-of-jail-free card. So, if the day ever comes that the SEC discovers his stock fraud....

Parker: He'll trade his mob records for immunity and a new identity. Sweet!

[Sophie and Eliot give her a look]

Parker: I mean, evil. And clever, but bad.

Sophie: I don't like that, that whole smug look on his [Erickson's] face.

Nate: Yeah. Like he's got a...you know...a $50 million dollar backup plan. Let's go steal it.

Nate: How can a witness in protection we've been watching for the last 24 hours get access to $100,000 we didn't see?

Eliot: [As he's digging a hole] After sunset, this field is gonna be completely dark. No clear sight lines from the road. First thing to find a body out here would be a coyote--

Sophie: Okay. Now I'm scared.

Eliot: I'm here.

Sophie: Eliot, you're what's scaring me.

Erickson: How did...how did you find me?

Don Paolo Brancato: You called our mutual friend, Charlie.

Federal Marshal Elle: You are an idiot.

Erickson: Shut up.

Brancato: Granted, that only got us to Portland. But then, when we traced your phone, seems you left your GPS tracking on.

Elle: All right, that one's on me.

Hardison: You mean we gotta drive through a gunfight and not get shot like it's the Batmobile?

Nate: Marshall, I know you're upset, but you can't really blame him for something that happened yesterday. The past is the past. You can't blame him for something that happened 20 minutes ago, 2 minutes ago. What you need to be thinking about is what's going to happen next.

Sophie: [listening on the comms] Could somebody record this? I want a record of this!

Sophie: I couldn't help overhearing what you said in the warehouse about putting the past behind you.

Nate: I had a gun to my head.

Sophie: This is our bar. I'm sure I can rustle up a gun somewhere.

Nate: You were wrong about one thing.

Sophie: Really? Because I couldn't possibly be right, could I?

Nate: Wanting to move on with or without you...it matters. We matter.

The Broken Wing Job [5.08]

Eliot: [After beating up a guard] I told you there was a ninth guard.

Nate: Yeah, yeah, I owe you a beer.

Amy: Good morning. How's the patient feeling today?

Parker: Less and less like a patient and more and more like a prisoner.

Amy: Oh. Well, hopefully, this will taste better than prison food.

Parker: You'd be surprised. Best meal I ever has was in French prison.

Amy: French prison, huh? How long were you in for?

Parker: [In French] Not as long as they thought I'd be.

Parker: You guys picked the wrong brew pub.

Eliot: How's the knee?

Parker: Driving me to crazy town. Pretty much like it's on cruise control, cruising me through crazy town. And you know what? Let's face it. I have way too much to do. This knee, I need to be on a bullet train through crazy town. I don't have time to stop for gas, go to the museum--

Eliot: Parker, breathe. Identify you limitations. Turn them to advantages.

Parker: Okay, good. How do I do that?

Eliot: Adapt.

Parker: You brought a gun? To my bar?

Amy: They have a gun. We don't stop them. We call the police.

Parker: No cops. No cops. That will actually increase the chances of people getting hurt.

Amy: How?

Parker: Because seeing a uniform in the middle of stealing something could cause you to panic, make bad decisions.

Amy: And how do you know so much about this again?

Parker: I...read blogs, Amy.

Parker: [to Amy] We don't need cops. We don't need anyone, especially if they don't need us! Then we really don't need them.

Parker: Yeah, so, there's a getaway van parked in the alley.

Amy: How do you know that's what it is?

Parker: Intuition.

Sophie: How's she's doing?

Nate: Apparently dealing with some thieves.

Sophie: Baby bird is learning how to fly.

Parker: Well, of course we want them to come back. How else are we gonna catch them?

Amy: We--we don't. We're gonna call the cops.

Parker: Normally, I would agree with you, but what we've been doing here... Not super legal.

Amy: Oh, I knew it!

Parker: Just think of it as more charity work.

Amy: Okay, but my other charity work doesn't involve having a gun pointed at me.

Parker: Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Oh, you meant that as a bad thing.

[As the kidnappers are being arrested]

Parker: Hey. Hey, wait.

Kidnapper: What?

Parker: I'm gloating.

Parker: To new friends, new food, and no fish.

Amy/Doctor/Parker: No fish.

Nate: Nice job while we were away.

The Rundown Job [5.09]

Rep. J. Yount: You slap together another one of your little "asymmetry teams" from federal agents, Colonel Vance, you and everybody around you is out of a job, and in jail. These "slow, giant" agencies you mock were designed by very smart people.

Vance: So was the Titanic.

Hardison: Kiss for luck?

Parker: Who needs luck?

Eliot: What do you want?

Riley: I got a job for you. Right here in town, got to be this morning.

Eliot: No, I don't do that anymore.

Riley: The rumors are true, damn it. That's like Picasso throwing away his paintbrush.

Eliot: I'm gonna keep her alive. You guys find a way to get her out of here.

Hardison: With what?

Eliot: You stole a Michelangelo with tin foil and chewing gum! Figure it out!

[As the police sirens approach]

Eliot: Hang on.

Parker: Um, no. Cops, bad. Thieves, go.

[Eliot, Hardison, and Parker are handcuffed in the back of a government van.]

Hardison: This is a violation of my constitutional rights.

Colonel Vance: You're Alec Hardison. You cracked the Pentagon servers when you were twelve. NSA has a file on you a mile long.

Hardison: Do they? What do they say about me? I hope they gave me a cool nickname.

Vance: Make it look good.

[Eliot punches him, but Vance shrugs it off]

Vance: Really? That's all you--

[Eliot punches him again, but Vance shrugs it off again]

Vance: You're slowing down in your--

Eliot punches him a third time and Vance finally falls unconscious.]

Hardison: Three tries? Damn.

Eliot: He didn't always wear a suit.

Eliot: What do they got on the gunman?

Hardison: They're running his prints. It's gonna take hours to narrow down.

Eliot: Look up the Navy SEAL database, enlisted from '90 to '95. [Hardison turns to him] It's his watch. Steel-brushed chronometers were standard SEAL issue, until they switched to the carbon black diver's watch in '95. It's a very distinctive watch.

Hardison: It's got every database...NSA, CIA, FBI, it's got hard backdoors into most commercial systems, live feeds into every security camera on the grid. Man, if this wasn't such a gross violation of our civil liberties, I would be in love right now!

Hardison: Call up the NSA satellites.

Spy Truck: Calling up NSA Satellites.

Hardison: Thank you, creepy spy truck.

[Vance's response on finding the trailer.]

Vance: There's a time for sneaking around, my brother, and a time for droppin' an attack chopper full of pissed-off 19-year-olds in full body armor on somebody. And we have reached that appointed hour.

Vance: Promise you'll consider working with us again.

Eliot: I work with them now.

Vance: Honor among thieves?

Eliot: Something like that.

Vance: The world can always use more good guys.

Eliot: Too bad we're the bad guys.

Parker: You're shot. You should go to the hospital.

Eliot: I don't do hospitals.

Hardison: I told you. He takes getting shot very lightly.

The Frame Up Job [5.10]

Sophie: Just letting you know, if we die I blame you.

Nate: I know

Sophie: None of this would have happened if you'd just gone to the movies like I told you.

Nate: If I'd gone to the movies, you would be in jail right now.

Sophie: Well, jail is a big improvement over my current prospect of soon to be murdered!

Sophie: I know. I'm going to be slaving away in a dusty old theater, while you sit back. Relax and watch alcoholic repressed insurance cops harassing tragically misunderstand femme fatales.

Nate: You're not supposed to root for the criminals.

Sophie: Always root for the home team.

Katrina Hardt: His [Gault's] daughter can't cash the checks fast enough.

Sophie: Bit of a lush, I see.

Katrina: Actually, that's his fourth ex-wife. His daughter's the one in the suit.

[When Nate finds Sophie at the art auction]

Sophie: You think you're so clever.

Nate: I deduced you location at a random event within 100-mile radius in under 20 minutes. I've had worse mornings.

Sophie: How did you find me exactly?

Nate: Why did you lie to me?

Sophie: It's just like old times, isn't it? Me in the dress and up to my neck in easy marks and valuable art, and you show up, all serious.

Nate: There is a distinct lack in you telling me why you lied to me in that last speech. Now why is a grifter and art thief--

Sophie: Ex-art thief.

Nate: ...at a high-end art auction?

Sophie: Asks the insurance cop.

Nate: Ex-insurance investigator. Still stalling.

Fiona Gault: My father acquired the painting after Mettier's death and honored the artist's wishes. Frankly, I would have put in a ticket booth and charged admission.

Sterling: Give us back the painting and save yourself a lot of bother, Miss....still going by Devereaux?

Sophie: Still a pompous ass?

Sterling: Charming.

Sophie: I hate that man. I don't know how you were ever partners with him.

Nate: Ah, well, he's funny in his own kind of way.

Sophie: Oh, yeah, hilarious. That crack about secret prison.

Nate: Oh, no, he was serious about that.

Nate: This isn't just an art theft.

Nate and Sophie: It's murder.

Sophie: Ah, Sterling. Good. Come on.

Sterling: Is this an escape? 'Cause if it is, you're very bad at it.

Stering: You have one hour. If I don't have a suspect in an hour, you're both going down for this.

Nate: I don't need an hour, I've got a Sophie.

Sophie: I'd forgotten how attractive that is, the relentless tick-tick-tick of you pulling apart someone's well-laid plans.

Nate: Ahh, including yours?

Sophie: Oh, you've never pulled apart my plans.

Sterling: [to Sophie] It's always nice to bring a thief to justice, even if it's not you.

Nate: Sterling is sitting right on top of Ma Mystere.

Sophie: Are you telling me you can't outsmart Sterling?

Nate: I can't. But he can't outsmart me, either.

Butler: I'm sorry, what are you doing in my room?

Sophie: So, the butler did it.

Sterling: So let me get this straight. You stole not one, but two paintings, one of which you spent the entire day trying to convince me you did not steal, all because your girlfriend here, an unrepentant, inveterate, professional liar...

Sophie: That's uncalled for.

Nate: Well.

Sterling: ...told you, with no evidence whatsoever, that Ma Mystere was fake. Now you're so sure that she's right, that you not only think that this painting is a fake, but every other Mettier that was in the house, the entire collection, is also fake?

Nate: That's right.

Sterling: Arrest them both.

Sophie: On what charge?

Sterling: Theft?

Nate: We brought you back the paintings.

Sterling: Obstructing an investigation.

Sophie: We're helping you with your investigation.

Sterling: Being annoying and crazy!

Nate: Well, that's not a crime. Since when was that a crime?

Sophie: No, it's not.

Sterling: I DON'T CARE!

Sterling: And despite your efforts to drop off the map, I now know your new base of operations. Everything is sunshine and rainbows.

[After finding the true Ma Mystere]

Sophie: He vowed it would never be seen by the world till after my death.

Nate: So we're gonna steal it.

Sophie: Of course we are, darling.

The Low Low Price Job [5.11]

Nate: Eliot, so where'd you find these people?

Eliot: Two words: "free beer."

Sophie: Zachary, what's the first basic rule of improv?

Zachary: Always say yes and keep the scene moving forward.

Sophie: Good, and the second?

Zachary: Don't block?

Sophie: Exactly. Now, everybody, forget all that. Synchronize your watches; we're saying 'no' and we're blocking.

Sophie: We haven't even made a dent. I'm beginning to think we can't destroy this store.

Nate: You're right. We can't. But Caroline can.

Parker: All right, people, place your bets, 100 bucks gets you in.

Nate: I'm in. Five minutes.

Sophie: She'll go seven.

Hardison: I say three minutes

Parker: I'm under two.

Eliot: Everybody that got laid off has a job.

Parker: What about the building?

Hardison: I heard an anonymous donor put in a bid for it. He said he's gonna turn it into a theater for the local high school.

Nate: The arts are vastly underfunded in this country, don't you think?

Sophie: You sly old dog.

The White Rabbit Job [5.12]

Parker: What's the White Rabbit?

Hardison: It's the ungriftable grift, it's impossible.

Parker: Yeah, but we do the impossible.

Nate: Let's go steal a dream.

Sophie: What the hell are you doing?

Hardison: [With a wrench in hand] I'm hacking.

Sophie: Well, stop it! Just...step back

Hardison: She's [Parker] on the roof with the guy we just spent the last four days driving crazy.

Dodgson: Am I dreaming now or was I dreaming then?

Parker: Which answer gets you down here with me?

Parker: What happened to Patience wasn't your fault. But what happens next is. It's your life, Charlie. It's your choice. Make something.

Nate: Yeah, so, the con failed...technically.

Sophie: The con didn't fail. The con worked.

Hardison: If by "worked," you mean completely fell apart.

Sophie: Huh? Sorry, which one of us is the grifter?

The Corkscrew Job [5.13]

Parker: Nate, I'm going in. [to herself] I'm Intern Parker. Intern Parker.

[At Leverage HQ, Nate turns to Sophie]

Sophie: Yeah, we've, uh, we've been working on her long con abilities, you know, internalizing the character more.

[later]

Parker: Is Intern Parker working for free?

Sophie: She's just a character, Parker.

Parker: Yeah. But I know what Intern Parker's worth is. And Intern Parker deserves a fair wage for her labor!

Nate: [to Sophie] Yeah, you might want to dial that back a little bit, yeah.

Sophie: Dial it back, yeah. Thinking so.

Nate: If his wine collection is the collateral, let's make the collection worthless.

Sophie: The bank finds out the collection's a fraud, Madigan loses the winery.

Hardison: Yeah, we just take a 200-year-old bottle of grape juice and turn it into Two-Buck Chuck.

Nate: Let's go fake a bottle.

[Seeing Leonard chew out a worker]

Parker: He's got a very punchable face.

Eliot: Yeah, I noticed that.

[As Sophie uses the whisper campaign on Madigan]

Hardison: Make the man doubt his own wine and his manhood? Damn.

Parker: I like that camera. Could shove a cat in that camera.

Sophie: I'll taste it.

Hardison: Oh, that's my masterpiece right there.

[Sophie takes a sip and nearly spits it out]

Hardison: Wine as sweet as my orange soda.

Sophie: My teeth ache!

Nate: [on comm] Okay, guys, so here's the thing. All wine bottled after 1947 have trace amounts of radioactivity. Cesium isotopes from atmospheric nuclear testing

Parker: Where did you get radioactive cesium?

Hardison: The things I do for Nate.

[Flashback of Hardison escaping the Richmond Nuclear Reservation]

Parker: So I'm radioactive? Why don't I have superpowers?

Hardison: Babe, we all feel cheated.

Guard: Oxygen deprivation works fast. You'll be unconscious in thirty seconds.

Eliot: It'll take me ten seconds.

The Toy Job [5.14]

Nate: What do you think parents are most afraid of?

Parker: Clowns?

Nate: No.

Parker: Evil clowns?

Nate: No.

Parker: Crazy clowns named Gigi who whisper your name from under your bed?

Nate: [pauses] No.

Nate: I'm saying that we, uh, I think we went overboard on Christmas gifts last year.

Parker: Nate, I love my ECOSSE motorcycle from last Christmas, compliments of my Santa baby.

Eliot: You spent $100,000 on a motorcycle?

Hardison: Don't hate the gift. Hate the elf.

Eliot: I do hate the elf.

Hardison: What the problem with getting emotionally butt naked? I'm just trying to share my feelings.

Nate: We don't want to see that.

Eliot: You realize that without that safety study, we got nothing.

Nate: Yeah.

Eliot: So why'd you promise him that?

Nate: Because we are not gonna let that toy get released. We're gonna steal Christmas.

Nate: We can't con a 6-year-old. You know who we can con? Their parents.

Nate: Okay, so, Hardison, you get on that lecture thing. Eliot, you get on the mommies.

Hardison: And he doesn't mean that literally.

Eliot: That joke is never funny.

Hardison: It's always funny.

Eliot: No, it's not, Hardison. Comedy's about timing and you don't have it!

Hardison: I was talking to Parker, and, I mean, we're a little down about Christmas. We think...we're...kind of ruining the holiday or something.

Nate: Hardison, Christmas was pre-ruined. You know how it began?

Sophie: [gasping] No.

Hardison: Yeah, it was a fat guy in a chimney.

Nate: Christmas began as a pagan, pre-Roman feast involving the sacrifice of children. Ho-ho-ho. [walks away]

Hardison: Is he serious?

[Sophie shrugs]

Hardison: I mean, dang, I feel like I just got sucker-punched by an elf-hating, Scrooge-loving, no-gift-giving anti-Claus. I mean, am I bleeding?

Sophie: Little bit.

Eliot: Promise me those things will never hit toy shelves.

Parker: Nah, I'm keeping him all to myself. I've got them all lined up in my warehouse like an army of joy and rage.

Hardison: You never want to be in that warehouse alone. Ever.

The Long Goodbye Job [5.15]

Parker: It's just that this is the kind of mastermind stuff you usually go off and do by yourself, you know? Well, you and your bottle. But lately, you've been involving me in the planning. And not just the heist, the cons, too.

Nate: Parker, you know, you don't let feelings get in the way. You... You rotate problems, security, people, timelines. You spin them in the three-dimensional space, like puzzle pieces until they click. It's not the way I think, but... I trust your judgment. I really do.

[As Parker swings to the other building]

Hardison: Twenty pounds of crazy.

Eliot: Five pound bag.

Hardison: Did Eliot make it out?

Eliot: [choking on blood] Age of the geek, brother.

Nate: For five years I've been, I've been...

Hardison: Drunk.

Parker: Lying.

Elliot: Ornery bastard.

Sterling: That's why you moved to Portland. Could have picked anywhere else in the world, and you chose here.

Nate: It grows on you.

Sterling: I've seen Sophie Devereaux play a dozen people.... drunk.

Sterling: Nathan, you and I are not the same. We don't believe in the same things.

Nate: You've always had my back. Now will you be on my side?

Sophie: [about the ring] Did you steal it?

Nate: No!

Sophie: Because that would be more romantic, right, Parker?

Nate: Will you marry me, Laura?

Sophie: Yes. Yes.

Nate: So, the hard drive. Everything thing you need is right there.

Hardison: You know what. I'm going to dump this on the dark net.

Parker: Every crew from around the world will want in with us.

Hardison: Just think about it. Leverage International.

Parker: So, you're really going?

Sophie: How does that make you feel?

Parker: I think I'm okay with it. Yeah, I'm okay with it.

Nate: That's why we can go.

Nate: [to Hardison] You're the smartest man I know. Don't get cocky.

Hardison: Too late for that.

Nate: Elliot, I'd say, call if you need anything, but you never seem to need anything.

Elliot: Yeah, I did. Thanks to you, I don't have to search anymore.

Sophie: Promise me, you'll keep them safe.

Elliot: Till my dying day.

Elliot: You know this was your crusade. Now this is our war.

[last lines; the team is interviewing two grieving parents who want revenge on the company that killed their son]

Parker: People like that... corporations like that, they have all the money, they have all the power, and they use it to make people like you go away. Right now, you're suffering under an enormous weight. We provide... Leverage.