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Leverage (2008–2012) is an American TV series created by John Rogers and Chris Downey. It follows a group of thieves who steal mainly from corrupt corporations to return money to their victims.

The Nigerian Job [1.1]

Victor Dubenich: You've saved your insurance company…I don't know, hundreds of millions of dollars. But, I just know that when you needed them… What happened to your family was the kind of thing—

Nathan Ford: You know the part of the conversation where I punch you in the neck nine or ten times? We're coming up on that pretty quick.

Eliot Spencer: You're not as useless as you look.

Alec Hardison: [scoffs] I don't even know what you do.

-Eliot Spencer-

-Retrieval Specialist-

[Later]

Eliot: [After taking out four guys before Hardison's bag touches the ground, turns to him with a smug smile] That's what I do.

Eliot: This thing safe?

Hardison: Yeah, it's completely safe… it's just you know, if you experience nausea, weakness in your right side, stroke, strokiness…

Eliot: You're precisely why I work alone.

Nate Ford: Guys, listen up. We're going on my count, not a second sooner. Parker, no freelancing.

Eliot: Hey, relax. We know what we're doin'.

Nate: And on the count of five, four…

Hardison: Aw, he doesn't want to be our pal.

Nate: We're on the count! Five, four, three…

Parker: [runs by and jumps over the side] Yahoooooo!

Eliot: She's gone!

Nate: Son of a—!

[After Parker runs by and jumps over the side of the building]

Eliot: That's twenty pounds of crazy in a five-pound bag!

Hardison: Ten-digit password. I salute you, sir.

Hardison: Going to plan B?

Nate: Technically, that would be plan G.

Hardison: How many plans do we have? Is there, like, a plan M?

Nate: Yeah. Hardison dies in plan M.

Eliot: I like plan M.

[Parker pointing a gun at the others when she discovers she wasn't paid]

Parker: My money's not in my account. That makes me cry inside, in my special angry place.

Eliot: I'm going to beat Dubenich so bad even the people that look like him are going to bleed.

Parker: You won't get within a hundred yards. He knows your face. He knows all our faces.

Eliot: He tried to kill us.

Parker: More importantly, he didn't pay us.

Eliot: How is that more important?!

Parker: I take that personally.

Eliot: There's somethin' wrong with you.

Eliot: You want to run a game on this guy? You?

Nate: Well, yeah. How do you think I got most of my stolen merchandise back? I mean, this guy, he's greedy, thinks he's smart; he's the best kind of mark.

Parker: He does think he got rid of us.

Hardison: Element of surprise.

Eliot: What's in it for me?

Nate: Payback. And if it goes right, a lot of money.

Parker: And what's in it for me?

Nate: A lot of money. And if it goes right, payback. Hardison?

Hardison: I, I was just going to send a thousand porno magazines to his office, but hell yeah, let's kick him up!

Eliot: [to Nate] What's in it for you?

Nate: …He used my son.

[long pause]

Nate: All right, let's go get Sophie.

Eliot: What the hell's a Sophie?

Sophie Devereaux: I'm a citizen now. Honest.

Nate: I'm not.

Sophie: You're playing my side? [Looks over and sees the others] I always thought you had it in you.

Nate: Are you in?

Sophie: [Nodding] I wouldn't miss this.

Nate: All right, let's go break the law just one more time.

[the team gets their first look at Sophie's acting "skills"]

Hardison: She's awful.

Parker: Is she injured? In the head?

Eliot: Seriously, man, she is the worst actress I've ever seen.

Nate: This is not her stage.

[Later, they watch her effortlessly con a mark]

Hardison: [surprised] She's not awful.

Nate: This is her stage. Sophie Devereaux is the finest actress you've ever seen…when she's breaking the law.

Dubenich: Higgins, Higgins, you can't do that. You can't take my computer!

Special Agent Higgins: [chuckles] This company has government defense contracts. There are very serious rules with contact with foreign nationals. The Patriot Act applies here, my friend! Sir, I can take your underpants.

Pierson: Don't you want money?

Nate: This particular project has a different revenue stream.

[after seeing their multi-million-dollar paychecks for taking down Dubenich]

Hardison: I'm just very good at what I do.

Parker: This is the score! This is the score!

Hardison: Age of the geek, baby.

Eliot: Somebody kiss this man so I don't have to!

[last lines; the team is interviewing two grieving parents who want revenge on the company that killed their daughter]

Nate: People like that…corporations like that, they have all the money, they have all the power, and they use it to make people like you go away. Right now, you're suffering under an enormous weight. We provide…Leverage.

The Homecoming Job [1.2]

Corporal Perry: Hey, say hi to Jenny.

Marine: He's cheating on you.

Corporal Perry: Nice.

Marine: With a camel. A drunk, slutty camel.

Corporal Perry: All right, it was one time, okay? And the camel's been texting me, but it's over, I promise.

Dr. Laroque: Pardon me, mister…?

Nate: Oh, uh, Nathan Ford. You're Dr. Lo—

Dr. Laroque: Can I talk to you outside?

Perry: Doc, he's cool. I found him on the internet.

Dr. Laroque: Yes, that never goes badly.

[Hardison introducing the others to the central room of Leverage Consulting and Associates]

Hardison: Long version or the short version?

Sophie: Short.

Eliot: Short version

Parker: Shortest.

Hardison: Photo and video forensics programs, back doors into every electronic banking system in the world, running heuristic datacrawlers all over the news sites to find our clients. Oh, also—

Parker: This is the short version?

Hardison: You know, I, I, I still think it would be easier for me to just hack the bill in a printer queue.

Nate: No, no computers, no. A bill is put into a wooden box on the Congressional floor called the Hub.

Hardison: A wooden-- Whoa, whoa, whoa. A wooden…a wooden box?

Nate: A wooden box.

Hardison: Wood?

Nate: Yeah.

Hardison: Oh, we can put a man on the moon, but all our laws go into a wooden box.

[While getting ready to rappel off of a building]

Hardison: I gotta go back to the office, I just remembered something.

Parker: What?

Hardison: I just remembered gravity. And the squishiness of all my manly bits.

Sophie: When men are telling the truth, they're not looking me in the eye. A man only ever looks a woman in the eye when he's making the effort to lie to her.

Eliot: Well, you can't argue with that.

Hardison: Noted and filed.

[Sophie impersonates a lobbyist at a D.C. party]

Sophie: My company's focused on meeting Senators, but, um, I'm thinking Congressmen.

Charles Dufort: You know the great thing about Congressmen? Fifty, a hundred grand well spent will get one elected, but then once they’re in, the incumbency rate is over 95 percent! So you can get an average 18, 20 years’ use out of one of them. In these uncertain times, buying a United States Congressman is one of the best investments a corporation can make.

Hardison: [listening in on comms] Oh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I'm a professional criminal and I find that disturbing.

Parker: You ID'd the weapon from the gunshot sound?

Eliot: It has a very distinctive sound.

[Later]:

Eliot: The tall one? The way he used a knife? Ex Marine. Probably Force Recon.

Hardison: You ID'd a guy off his knife fighting style?

Eliot: It's a very distinctive style.

Hardison: What I did before, nobody got hurt.

Sophie: I stole paintings.

Parker: I never hurt anybody, either.

[They all look at Eliot]

Eliot: I actually hurt people, so…

Nate: How's Washington?

Sophie: Villains, con-men, wolves in sheep's clothing. Felt right at home.

Sophie: I'd never thought I'd say this ever, but that is just way too much money to steal.

Nate: No, you're not going to steal it. You don't remember? You're the good guys now! You're gonna give it back.

[the team presents a stunned Dr. Laroque with the pallets of cash they recovered]

Dr. Laroque: The world doesn't work this way.

Nate: So change the world.

The Wedding Job [1.3]

Hardison: …Oh, and then there's the FBI parked around the corner.

Parker: FBI? Where?

Hardison: See that crappy van? Says 'Plumber'?

Parker: Mm-hm.

Sophie: Did you say "plumber"? That's their cover? Aw, aw, that is so cute. It's like it's 1978 all over again.

[Eliot has been sent in to the local FBI offices to steal data, only to find it's all on cassette tapes.]

Eliot: Hardison, how am I supposed to get out of the FBI offices with a box full of surveillance tapes, huh?

Hardison: [Over comms] Punch somebody!

Eliot: [Threateningly] Oh, I'm gonna punch somebody.

[As they listen to a recording of Moscone and his wife arguing]

Sophie: It's a bit like an opera, isn't it?

Eliot: You mean 'cause I want to run away?

Eliot: There was this girl I grew up with. But anyway, she married somebody else, so...

Hardison: Hot damn. What did you do?

Eliot: What did I do? I liberated Croatia.

Hardison: I know that you're in charge of the bridesmaid dresses, but why are you wearing one?

Parker: A bridesmaid dress is like an all-access pass at a wedding. Plus, I kind of said something and the maid of honor cried, and Sophie said I should make it up to her.

Hardison: Looking much, much better in the same dress… Yeah, you let me know how that goes.

Parker: You really think I look good?

Hardison: [After setting the corsage] And now you're perfect.

Eliot: What is it? I've got bacon on.

Parker: The butcher is here.

Eliot: Does he have the baby lamb chops?

Hardison: No, the Butcher of Kiev.

Nate: Think he'll recognize you?

[Flashback]

Butcher of Kiev: I kill you!

[End Flashback]

Eliot: Yeah, I think he'd remember me.

Sophie: I'm staying.

Nate: I'm sorry, you're…you're what?

Sophie: I'm staying.

Nate: You're staying? Sophie, Sophie, it's the Butcher of Kiev.

Hardison: Have you ever been to Kiev? The cake-maker of Kiev would whoop all our asses. This is the Butcher.

[Nate walks in on the aftermath of a fight]

Nate: Did you just kill a guy with an appetizer?

Eliot: I dunno. Maybe.

Nate: [acting as a pastor] Because, you know, Maria, despite all the, all the fear and doubt that life brings, Adam, when he looks at you, Maria, you know, he knows that you have made him a better man, a better version of himself. And now that he's known you, he could never go back. And Maria, you know when you look at Adam, yes, you know you, you've made him a better man and he's should probably just give up and agree with you.

Sophie: So, padre, a wedding's just a big con, huh? [walks away]

Nate: I never said there was anything wrong with that.

Nate: Did you clean out Moscone's accounts?

Hardison: I left him five dollars for socks.

The Snow Job [1.4]

[During the briefing]

Sophie: Are you drunk?

Nate: Technically, no. I was drunk a couple of hours ago. Now I'm just hung over.

[After catching Parker when she jumps out of a window]

Eliot: How about a little warning next time? How'd you even know I'd be there?

Parker: I didn't.

Nate: We're going with a much bigger scam. One of the classics.

Parker: The "London Spank"?

Hardison: The "Genevan Paso Doblé"?

Eliot: The "Apple Pie"?

[everyone stares at him in confusion]

Eliot: It's like The "Cherry Pie", but with lifeguards.

Sophie: [savoring the thought] Ooh.

Nate: [announcing the actual one they'll be doing] The "Glengarry Glen Death". It's like mutual fund, but instead of stocks you invest in, in death. [Walks out to the balcony]

Parker: Is it me or is he getting creepier?

Eliot: You know, you could get another chamber, then put a brain with a tumor in that one and send the signal to the monitor for this chamber. Cross the wires.

[The team gives him curious looks]

Eliot: What? I dated a neurologist.

Hardison: [after losing to Eliot twice in Rock, Paper, Scissors] How do you do that?

Eliot: You have a tell.

Hardison: I—I have a tell…

Eliot: Yeah.

Hardison: In Rock, Paper, Scissors…

Eliot: Yeah. Go!

Nate: Can we give [Parker] a fake tumor?

Hardison: Oh, we could inject her brain with some contrast dye and have it pool into her cranial cavity, but there might be some side effects.

Parker: Like what?

Hardison: Organ failure, death, death-like symptoms.

Parker: I vote for plan B.

Nate: Somebody find me a brain.

Parker: Oh, yeah, he's definitely getting creepier.

Delahoussaye: What business do you have here in Florida?

Nate: I like the outlet malls.

Sophie: You're still a mess. You know, one of these days, they may not stick around and back you up.

Nate: They?

Sophie: Yes. They. I'm me.

Nate: Are you threatening to bail on me, Sophie?

Sophie: [Smiling] Give me a reason to stay.

The Mile High Job [1.5]

[Parker is posing as a flight attendant after stealing a bag from the original woman assigned to the flight.]

Sophie: [To Nate and Eliot] How did you both know there'd be an extra uniform in the bag?

Nate: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms in case they get called to work unexpectedly.

Eliot: Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.

Sophie: How does everyone know that?

[In unison]

Nate: Worked airport security.

Eliot: Slept with a flight attendant.

Parker: [as a flight attendant, speaking before takeoff] In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. But let's face it, if this thing goes down in the water, more than likely, the impact will kill you.

[People give each other uncertain looks while Eliot rubs his face]

Parker: Please take a moment to locate the nearest emergency exits. Because if this plane's on fire, you're gonna wanna get out quick. Jet fuel burns at over a thousand degrees! That's hot, folks.

[People murmur, looking even more concerned and confused]

Girl: Could I have a ginger ale please?

Parker: You've already had two.

Girl: Yeah, I know. It's like a placebo effect. It's not really working, but it makes you feel better anyway.

Parker: Yeah? So, when's that supposed to kick in?

Hardison: Yeah, they transferred me from the second floor.

Cheryl: Well, I don’t know what it was like in consumer integrations, but let me tell you, I have been working my butt off on this account. But Steve, no, he's just sitting back, waiting for me to fail. So he can swoop in and save the day. I swear, it's like he's a rogue and I’m a mage and we're part of the same guild, but secretly, he's at work with the Alliance to undermine us.

Hardison: For the Horde.

Cheryl: For the Horde. [fist-bump] You play 'World of Warcraft?'

Hardison: You kidding? Did you get the new expansion pack? Woman, I was up all night. Now, look, I mean 'Burning Crusade' was great, but this new one is mind-blowing.

Nate: Hardison... you bailed on the job because you were up all night playing a game?

Parker: Look, flying isn't really all that scary when you think about it. I mean, there are a lot more likely ways to die than on a plane: car crash, house fire, electrocution, drowning, auto-erotic asphyxiation. I mean, fact is, death haunts us every day, no matter where we are.

Eliot: When I knock people out, they tend to stay knocked out.

Nate: Well, it took ten years, but we had our first crash-landing.

Sophie: Ten years. Thanks for getting it right this time.

Nate: You're right. Ten years ago I saw you for the first time. You were swiping a Degas from a collection in Prague. I saw you. You saw me.

Sophie: I ran. You chased.

Nate: Then, two years later, I, uh, caught up with you in Damascus, caught you I should say. You, uh, turned around, introduced yourself, and that's when I met Sophie Devereaux. It'll be eight years next month.

Sophie: Well played.

Nate: Thank you.

The Miracle Job [1.6]

Eliot: Hey. Sophie's here. What do I tell her?

Hardison: Anything but the truth.

[Sophie walks in]

Sophie: Hey.

Eliot: Hey.

Sophie: Thank you so much for coming to my play last night.

Eliot: Oh.

Parker: Last night was awesome.

Sophie: Thanks, Parker.

Parker: Yeah, it was like a horror movie. Attention must be paaiidd.

Eliot: That was the worst night of my life.

Hardison: Come on man, you've been in worse situations!

[Flashback: Eliot in a game of Russian roulette]

Eliot: No. No, that was the worst.

Parker: That's Saint Nicholas?

Hardison: Yes.

Parker: Santa Claus has a church?

Eliot: [irritated] It's not Santa Claus!

[Later]

Nate: Hardison, can you make the statue cry without melting Saint Nick's head?

Parker: Don't melt Santa.

Eliot and Hardison: It's not Santa!!

'[As a gang member is holding a gun on Eliot]

Eliot: You seeing this, Hardison?

Hardison: Yeah, uh, the situation has my attention, yes.

Eliot: You see, this is why I don't like guns. They have a specific range of efficacy. You see, most guys will make one mistake. They get too close.

[Knocks down the gunman and takes the gun, unloading it]

[Questioning a gang member]

Hardison: You got a number?

[The gang member hands him a paper]

Eliot: Can you do something with that?

Hardison: Seven digits? I can find you on Mars.

Hardison: How about that, baby! You see me?

Eliot: He was injured!

Hardison: Well, somebody got to fight the injured. Shoot, that's my niche.

Hardison: As long as I don't have to do anything immoral.

Nate: No, absolutely not. No, I just need you to figure out how to…fake a miracle.

[Eliot laughs]

Hardison: We all goin' to hell.

Nate: …I went to school with Father Paul; to seminary school.

Eliot: So you dropped out of priest school to become an insurance cop. Now you're a leader of a band of thieves. Nice.

Hardison: You're…you're a Catholic who wants to fake a miracle. I'm pretty sure that puts us in mortal sin territory.

Eliot: So wait, wait. Now you're religious too?

Hardison: No, no, I'm not denominational. It's just, I never do anything my Nana says don't do.

Andrew Grant: When people say controversy, I hear attention.

[When their con has gone too well]

Nate: We can use this. Just give me a second. I need to—

[A black van rolls in and a group of priests exit out from it and head into the church]

Nate: Apostolic visitation…

Hardison: Come again?

Nate: It's the Vatican.

[Parker, Eliot and Hardison turn and quickly walk away]

Paul: I count myself blessed and take my miracle.

Nate: Ah, but there was no miracle.

Paul: Nate, five thieves saved my church.

. . .

[last lines of the episode]

Parker: It's like Christmas! See, I told you Saint Nicholas is Santa Claus.

Sophie: No he's not, Parker.

Parker: Well who is he then?

Sophie: Saint Nicholas? [smiles] He's the patron saint of thieves.

The Two-Horse Job [1.7]

Sterling: You're trying to get your old job back.

Nate: Okay. You have it all figured out. I'll just back off from now on, hm?

Sterling: Nah. It's too late for that. Tell you the truth, though. I'd kind of given up on Foss. I like the trainer for the fire, Willy Martin.

Nate: Willy Martin's an innocent man.

Sterling: We're insurance men, Nate. We don't care about who's innocent and who's guilty. Just who pays.

Parker: I once saw a horse kill a clown.

[Later]:

Parker: Horses are much less murderous than I originally thought.

[Regarding Sterling]

Parker: He's like Nate. Evil Nate!

Nate: We need a horse that can run like a champion.

Hardison: What about that horse from the other day? Uh, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Eliot: Kentucky Thunder.

Hardison: That's what I said.

Nate: Oh, we steal an actual championship racehorse in order to fake another championship racehorse.

Hardison: Yeah.

Nate: Ooh, I like it.

Sterling: You know, I couldn't believe it at first.

Nate: Sterling, welcome.

Sterling: Then again, you did drink yourself right out of a job. Lost your house, your wife, plenty of money troubles.

Nate: Keep talking. You'll get to the point eventually.

James Sterling: Nathan Ford is a common criminal.

Nate: Oh, common. That’s just hurtful.

Parker: [Crawling through an air duct] Looks like Parker's gonna have to crawl through the air duct again. God forbid anyone else would have to learn how to frickin' crawl on their stomach through a tiny space. It's not rocket science, people.

Eliot: [on comms, from the truck] Parker, you realize that we can still hear you?

[Parker sighs exasperatedly]:

Sterling: Look, it's terrible, what happened to your son. No one's denying that. Suffering doesn't automatically make you a hero.

Nate: I never claimed to be.

Sterling: You just think you're above the law.

Nate: Oh, no. I like think of it as I pick up where the law leaves off.

Sterling: [Scoffs] I'm not gonna be so nice next time.

Nate: Mm. Neither will I.

The Bank Shot Job [1.8]

Hardison: Two weeks. Two weeks sleeping in crappy hotels. Two weeks eating in crappy diners. Two weeks having my soul sucked dry. It's 107 degrees. Who lives where it's 107 degrees?!

Sheriff Bill Hastings: You guys sure are quick. Just called this in twenty minutes ago.

Hardison: Uh, we were coming back from a little border skirmish. Charlie unit came under attack by a pack of chupacabras.

Sheriff Bill Hastings: Chupacabras? Thought those things were urban legends.

Hardison: You're adorable.

Sheriff Hastings: We're just going by the book.

Hardison: The…the book? The book got a good man killed. I can't…my blood pressure…

Parker: Ex-partner. Probably shouldn't mention the book again. Or propellers.

Derrick Clark: No, no cops. If they find out we contacted the police, they'll kill her.

Sophie: They're not cops, I promise you. They're friends of mine, you can trust them.

Derrick: Why should I trust you? I don't know who you are.

Sophie: I'm a thief.

Derrick: Okay…I'm not sure what to do with that.

Nate: Parker, have you ever robbed a bank that's being robbed?

Parker: [smiling gleefully] There's a first time for everything.

Hardison: [giving the list of "demands" to local police] First off, they want 12 large pizzas. One cheese, one Hawaiian-extra pineapple, two pepperoni and black olives, two meat lovers… Seriously? Nobody's writing this down? Seriously? One triple-shot, half-caf vanilla latte, tall. Three of the latest copies of the Hall & Oates CD. I know, right? Exciting stuff. I didn't know they were coming out with a new one, either. Um, we're gonna need some steaks. Steaks and a grill, they're tryin' to tailgate. OK, they need your overalls, I don't know why. They need some Kibbles and Bits. We need an Etch-A-Sketch. Somebody in there likes to squiggle, ok? Possibly we need some stuffed bears. Are we good? Let's go, people!

Derrick: [hands the briefcase with the money to Parker] There's a lot of money in there.

Parker: Yeah, I know.

Derrick: My wife's life depends on that money getting where it needs to go.

Parker: I understand. Sometimes bad guys are the only good guys you get.

Eliot: Hey. What smells like crank and screams like a girl?

[kicks a meth dealer in the knee, prompting the scream]

Eliot: That's the right answer.

[After Eliot beats up the thugs]

Ellen Clark: Who are you?

Eliot: Well, ma'am, we'd be the cavalry.

Nate: Hey, listen. She's gonna be all right. Everything's gonna be all right.

Derrick: Your people. They're good?

Nate: Yeah. The best.

The Stork Job [1.9]

Eliot: This would be easier if you were in here.

Nate: Well, we would be if Sophie weren't already old friends with the ambassador.

Sophie: I wouldn't say "old" friends exactly.

[Flashback, Sophie, under guise, receiving a check worth $355,000.00 from the US ambassador]

Ambassador: The United States is pleased to make the first payment for construction of the trans-Ukrainian pipeline to her Royal Highness, Princess Magda of Slovenia.

[End Flashback]

Sophie: [Smiling] I still have that tiara, though.

Sophie: So, how'd you know Irina would go for the movie thing?

Nate: A European grifter who wants to be an actress? Lucky guess.

Sophie: This, this, this is my world! Okay, you need, you need someone to, I dunno, crawl through an air duct, you call Parker. Bash a head in? Eliot. Internet porn? Hardison! You need someone to take over a movie, then...

Nate: I ask an actor. Right. Um. Sophie. About the acting…

Sophie: Oh, yeah? What? What is it?

Nate: [looks around uncomfortably] You're right. You're right. You, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna go with your scene.

Eliot: She [Sophie] can't act!

Nate: Oh, she can act. When it's an act.

Hardison: You know you could have gotten killed. Did you even have an exit strategy?

Parker: [Apologetically] I didn't really think that far ahead.

Hardison: You don't work alone anymore, you know that?

Parker: I know.

Hardison: We're a team.

Parker: We're a little more than a team.

[Parker walks away and Hardison smiles]

Parker: Hey, Nate, I have to tell you something.

Nate: What? What is it?

Parker: [Whispering] We have to stop at Haagen-Daz.

Children: Haagen-Daz!!

The Juror No. 6 Job [1.10]

Earnshaw: Nothing's more dangerous than the confused when they think they know something.

Juror 7: [whispering to Parker] I hope the rest of this case is this good. [laughs]

Parker: [whispering back] What'd you have for breakfast? You smell like gravy.

Quint: How much money are we talking?

[Sophie turned the sand pad, revealing the number 100,000,000]

Quint: [Sputtering] You…You're serious?

Sophie: I flew 14,000 kilometers to give you that number.

Quint: That's a very long trip.

Sophie: That's a very long number.

Hardison: I literally cannot make this slower or any more boring. Okay? You know why they say Justice wears a blindfold? So you can't see that Justice is asleep.

Nate: I am sure there's reservoirs of boring you have yet to plumb.

[Skip to Hardison presenting his case]

Hardison: Slide 162, this is, this is good stuff. Dr. Goldferb, hi, can you tell us how the chemicals work their way into the neurotransmitters?

Judge: Is this going anywhere, counsel?

Hardison: Oh, I assure you, your honor, the next 100 slides are essential.

Sophie: All I need for you is to settle your current legal matters. We can't go into business with you with bad press.

Quint: Earnshaw says if we settle, we open ourselves up to lawsuits—

Sophie: We don't care about more lawsuits. With a billion people in the workforce, a few deaths won't raise an eyebrow.

Quint: Government won't crack down?

Sophie: Mr. Quint, it takes five years to get a parking permit.

Parker: What are we supposed to do now?

Nate: We win the trial.

Hardison: Wha—I'm sorry, the impossible trial? The trial that can't be won?

Nate: Yep. That one.

Parker: Alice made a friend!

Eliot: I'm gonna tell you one more time. You made a friend. Not "Alice."

Parker: Oh. Cool! Well, think she'll want to go steal a painting with me?

Sophie: Start small, Parker. Try coffee.

The 12-Step Job [1.11]

Hardison: Don't get mad, but…I may have spilled slushie in your car.

Eliot: That's like forty-four ounces, Hardison!

Hardison: It's not that much...

Eliot: The lid is floating in the damn floorboard, man!

Hardison: Wow. You are…

Eliot: It's running into the backseat!

Hardison: Very dramatic.

Eliot: When we get back to the office, you're cleaning this up.

Hardison: Seriously? [Spots Jack leaving the bar]

Eliot: You're cleaning this up as soon as we get back!

Hardison: That's our guy.

Eliot: I'm not—Don't try to change the subject!

[Hardison gets a gun from gang members during a fight and shoots their car before he and Eliot run away.]

Eliot: Nice job, blowing out the engine block.

Hardison: I was aiming for his leg.

[Beat]

Eliot: Gimme the gun, Hardison!

[Hardison is stuck near a bomb that is about to explode.]

Hardison: It's, uh, a computer bomb, I—I know computers. Computer bomb, um…we, we gotta—we gotta reboot the system! Yeah.

Eliot: You want me to kick it?

Hardison: God, I'm goin' to die.

Hardison: [After a narrow escape from a bomb] I'ma go and…freshen up a little bit. Maybe cry a little.

Nate: I don't think I need to apologize for drinking. I need to apologize, maybe, for not drinking. Maybe I'm a bigger bastard sober than I am drunk. Huh.

Marcy: If this is you sober, hell yeah.

Nate: Thank you, Marcy.

[while in rehab, a detoxing Nate hallucinates a visit from Sterling]

Sterling: You know how to get rid of me. But that would violate all twelve steps, wouldn't it?

Sophie: [Over the phone] How did you break him [Hurley]?

Nate: Ah, well, um…

[Music playing in the background as Hurley is eating a taco]

Sophie: You took him out for tacos? Nate, you're enabling him.

Hardison: Whoa, whoa! I haven't slept in three days! I had a showdown with two different gangs, who now by the way know my face, I sat on a bomb, and all of this could have been avoided had you gave the man a taco?

The First David Job [1.12]

[Nate is pointing a gun at Blackpoole]

Ian Blackpoole: Are you here to kill me, Nate?

Nate: Not tonight.

Blackpoole: Well, in that case, come in. There's shrimp. [walks away]

Nate: I do love shrimp. [tosses gun away]

Blackpoole: My wing in the museum opens this weekend. Little celebration for the fundraisers.

Nate: Yeah, blood money buys the best art.

Hardison: No, no, Nate. We haven't done any prep, we don't have our tools.

Parker: You want me to break into a secure storage facility with whatever I can scrounge up the buffet table?

Nate: Pretty much. Yep.

Parker: [Smiling] Cool.

Parker: [Excitedly] WE JUST STOLE AN EIGHT MILLION DOLLAR STATUE! On, like, our day off!

Jim Sterling: [To Nate, over Parker's comm] Let's see how many birds we have in hand. You know this is Parker's. Now, Alec Hardison?

Soldier: [Over Hardison's comm] Accounted for, Mr. Sterling. And we have the cash, too.

Sterling: Marvelous. Mr. Spencer?

Eliot: [Over the comm] Hey, Sterling. I got some dental work with your name on it. What do you say we hook up so I can give it to you?

[Hardison leaves a video message on the monitors for Sterling and his goons when they break into the Leverage offices]

Hardison: Hey, Sterling! Get out of our house!

[the screens switch to a countdown timer for a bomb]

[After they run out of the building]

Busey: Maybe he was bluffing.

[Building explodes]

Sterling: That's a funny thing about con men. They don't bluff.

The Second David Job [1.13]

Nate: Grifter, hitter, hacker, thief. You were all trying to solve your version of the crime instead of just trying to…solve the crime. There’s a reason we work together.

Maggie: You actually expect this to work?

Hardison: No, you're supposed to say "Wow, that's just crazy enough to work!"

Sophie: Incredibly, chance does seem to bend itself to his bizarre machinations.

Parker: [whispering to Maggie] That's his superpower. [sniffs Maggie's shoulder]

Maggie: You can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.

Eliot: Whoa.

[Everybody chuckles]

Hardison: That's what we do. I mean…

Parker: [pets Maggie's head] You're adorable.

[As they begin to pull a con on Director Lloyd]

Sophie: [To Maggie] Okay, why don't you run up to him. Be just a little bit out of breath. It changes the speech rhythms, makes it harder to detect a lie.

Hardison: You see? Like that right there. It's informative.

Eliot: You learn, and you con.

[Hardison is excited about the number of results a mark got when searching victims of a curse]

Hardison: Eliot, what does that say?

Eliot: It says "dead".

Hardison: D-E-D, dead, baby.

Eliot and Nate: D-E-A-D!

Hardison: I... I know how to... I was throwing a little style in it, just a little bit. A little style. I know how to spell "dead," dammit! I can steal a bank, I can spell "dead"!

Sterling: Gotcha, Nate.

Nate: Yes, that was the whole point.

Security: Power's back up in about 15 seconds.

Sterling: What do you mean?

Nate: You know, all that chasing me around. 'Don't let Nate Ford near the two Davids.' 'How is Nate Ford gonna get the two Davids?' I wasn't the mastermind on this one, Sterling. I'm the bait.

Sterling: Extortion?

Nate: I prefer to think of it as oversight.

[after realizing that Nate's actions will cost him everything, Blackpoole tries to hold him at gunpoint]

Blackpoole: IYS is my company!

Nate: [quoting Blackpoole] "You can't let personal feelings affect policy! You have a responsibility to shareholders. No exceptions." [Snatches the gun away] I have lost my only son. Do you really think you scare me?

Maggie: [Punching Blackpoole] Screw therapy! That felt really good.

Sterling: [to Nate, after the con] So, you know your entire plan depended on me being a self-serving, utter bastard.

Nate: [smirks] Yeah, that's a stretch.

Maggie: Will you stop now?

Nate: I don't know.

Maggie: Interesting. You admitting you don't know something.

Maggie: You are not the man I married.

Nate: Well, what do you think of this version?

Maggie: I don't love him. but I might like him a little more.