Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Film | Future | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Steven Universe.

Full Disclosure

Greg: I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— [sees Steven's black eye] Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!

Steven: No way! They were super strong!

Greg: But you were able to beat them back?

Steven: No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! [Greg freaks out]

Greg: W-What do they want with you?!

Steven: They think I'm Mom.

Greg: Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!

Steven: I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?

Greg: Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. [runs into his van] Gotta calm down. Where's my— [brings a series of CDs up front] Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? [inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music] Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!

Ronaldo: Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!

Steven: Brood?

Ronaldo: Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.

Steven: Hm.

Ronaldo: As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.

Steven: I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!

Ronaldo: Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.

Steven: At least we can be there for each other.

Ronaldo: Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!

Amethyst: Aw, come on!

Garnet: No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.

Pearl: Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!

Steven: We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, [shuts blinds] they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.

Pearl: You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire!

Amethyst: This time, let's build a moat. I could be... [shapeshifts her head] the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!

Garnet: No.

Amethyst: Why not?

Pearl: You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!

Garnet: No fence either.

Amethyst/Pearl: Garnet!

Garnet: Steven needs to see his father and his friends.

Steven: No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. [his phone starts ring-toning again] Errh!

Pearl: Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?

Steven: It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.

Pearl: So... you're just going to ignore her forever?

Steven: It's the responsible thing to do.

Amethyst: [sees thru blinds] It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.

Steven: What?!

Open Book

Joy Ride

Steven: Family stuff is tricky.

Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny: Mmhm.

Steven: A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.

Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny: That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!

Steven: And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? [sighs] I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.

[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]

Jenny: That's heavy.

Steven: I guess.

Garnet: Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

Say Uncle

Steven: Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean... I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!

Uncle Grandpa: Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. [pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag] But this is!

[Uncle Grandpa launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling "APRIL FOOLS" and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]

Lars: Oh, no!! Our ship!!

Amethyst: Steven!

Pearl: What's going on? Who is this... stranger?

Steven: He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!

[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]

Amethyst: "Uncle... Grandpa"?

Pearl: So that would make him Greg's father... and brother?

Garnet: That would explain a lot.

Pizza Steve: Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.

Steven: Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.

Pizza Steve: Stee-ven Universe... [pops out on top of Steven's hair] Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only ONE Steve allowed!

Uncle Grandpa: Yeah, but this Steven is special.

Mr. Gus: Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.

Uncle Grandpa: Good mornin', Mr. Gus.

Mr. Gus: What's up, Uncle Grandpa?

Steven: Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?

Mr. Gus: I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ALL about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. [shows art of "Mr. Gusite"] My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]

Garnet: There's got to be some way out of here.

Pearl: [extremely panicked] WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! THIS IS OUR NEW HOME!!

Garnet: Pearl, you're overreacting.

Pearl: I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!

[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]

Amethyst: Hey, where's Steven? [Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]

Pizza Steve: Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe? [Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]

Pearl: That's not my baby!

Amethyst: Ah, nice! [eyes on Pizza Steve]

Pizza Steve: Whoa, hold on!

Amethyst: Pizzaaaaaa!! [chases Pizza Steve offscreen]

Pizza Steve: Don't eat Pizza Steve! [munching noises]

[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]

Garnet: Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.

[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]

Steven: [after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa] I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!

Uncle Grandpa: Yay.

Pearl: Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!

Garnet: He must really care about this stranger.

Amethyst: I hope he didn't care about that pizza.

Steven: Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.

Pearl: [blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry] Steven, you're right. [cries] HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!

Amethyst: I also apologize for Pearl.

Garnet: Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

Uncle Grandpa: Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... [grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists] Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! [checks off Steven's name] Now who's next? [Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

[Steven rushes to the Beach House]

Steven: Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!

Garnet: Steven!

Pearl: What is it?!

Amethyst: Whoa, where's the fire?

Steven: It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!

Pearl: Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!

Steven: Uh, no! They just—

Amethyst: Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?

Steven: No! No, they're just—

Pearl: Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!

Steven: NOOOOO!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.

Pearl: Oh. [all Gems sit down]

Garnet: Ah, we'll pass.

Steven: What?! But— but I really need your help!

Pearl: Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.

Amethyst: It's not something we can punch!

Garnet: You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. [shades sparkle]

Amethyst/Pearl: Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.

Steven: But..!

Amethyst: You figure something out, Steven!

Pearl: Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?

Garnet: Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.

Steven: Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... [leaves]

Amethyst: Eh, he'll be fine.

Love Letters

[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]

Steven: Jamie!

Jamie: Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?

Connie: Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—

Jamie: Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. "Follow your dreams," they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. [two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea] One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. [sobs, chuckles] Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?

Steven: Yeah, right... Drama zone.

Connie: Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—

Steven: No, we don't!

Garnet: I didn't mean to upset you.

Jamie: Then will you go out with me?

Garnet: No!

Jamie: But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.

Garnet: Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. [shades glimmer]

Jamie: But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?

Garnet: No, you don't! [long beat] You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. [adjusts her shades] You even convinced yourself. [smiling] You're a fantastic actor.

Jamie: [beat] ..What am I supposed to do now?

Garnet: Start with local theater. [slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]

Connie: Are you okay?

Jamie: Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.

Steven: Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?

Jamie: No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.

Steven: [beat] We'll help you pick it all up.

Jamie: Thanks.

Reformed

Garnet: This is not a good choice for your form.

Amethyst: Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?

Garnet: It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.

Amethyst: RIDICULOUS?!?!

Garnet: Keep your voice down! The creature...

Amethyst: Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!

Garnet: [low voice] Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!

Amethyst: WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS MY BUSINESS!!

Garnet: It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!

Amethyst: ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! [gets dragged by the Slinker]

Steven: Amethyst!

Amethyst: ARE YOU SAYING... I'M WEAK?!?! [poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]

Steven: Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

Sworn to the Sword

Connie: [fights off seagulls with her violin bow] Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!

Steven: [chuckles] Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. [munches it] You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.

Connie: Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!

Steven: Oh! [gulps snack; starry eyes] Steven has an idea!

[back at the Beach House]

Pearl: You want me to do what?!

Steven: You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!

Connie: Steven!

Steven: But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?

Pearl: You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. [Connie raises her hand] Yes, Connie?

Connie: Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? [Pearl starts watering tears of joy]

Pearl: Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!

Steven: Woo-hoo! [runs after her laughing]

Connie: Wait, now?

Pearl: All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:

[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again

You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.

Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered

As you're moving forward, balance is the key

Right foot, left foot, now go even faster

And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.

Connie: Keep my stance wide ("Good.")

Keep my body lowered ("Right.")

As I'm moving forward

Pearl: Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!

Connie: Right foot, left foot

Pearl: Yes, but put your whole body into it!

Everything you have, everything you are

You've got to give.

On the battlefield, when everything is chaos

And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword

You just think about the life you'll have together after the war

And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win

You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.

Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting

But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try

What they don't know is your real advantage

When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.

Connie: Deep down, I know that I'm just a human ("True.")

Both: But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight

Connie: With my short existence, ("Good.") I can make a difference ("Yes, excellent!")

I can be there for him, I can be his knight.

Connie: I can do it for him

Both: You'd do it for her

Pearl: Okay, now do that again ("Yes, ma'am.")

You do it for her, and now you say

Connie: I'll do it for him.

Amethyst: [belly laughs] Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!

Garnet: Garnet, master of comedy.

Amethyst: Hehehe... Yo, Steven. [pretend-yells] WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!

Steven: W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.

Garnet: That makes sense.

Steven: What do you mean?

Garnet: Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.

[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]

Amethyst: You okay, dude?

Steven: I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

Rising Tides, Crashing Skies

RonaIdo: I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, [Steven comes out] and—ahh!

Steven: Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera?

Peedee: Yeah. We're making a movie about—

RonaIdo: It's an investigative report, shot camera vérité.

Steven: Cool!

RonaIdo: So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview?

Steven: Hmm. Only if you participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! [walks back inside]

[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]

Steven: Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.

RonaIdo: Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much!

Steven: No, not "us" us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.

RonaIdo: Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?!

Steven: Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.

RonaIdo: Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?

Steven: Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

Keeping It Together

Garnet: What Homeworld did... taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

Pearl: Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?

Garnet: We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.

Pearl: Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?

Garnet: Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.

Steven: Injectors? What're those?

Pearl: You've already seen them. [projects hologram from her gemstone] Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... [sighs] the entire planet will become...

Garnet: Janked.

Amethyst: Garnet! [laughs] That mouth! [sniggers]

Garnet: Don't worry. We'll stop her.

Steven: We did it! Garnet?

Garnet/Ruby: [holding a cluttered gem shard] So this is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!

Garnet/Sapphire: We couldn't have known they would do this.

Garnet/Ruby: This is where they've been... all the ones we couldn't find... they've been here the whole time!

Garnet/Sapphire: Rose couldn't have known.

Garnet/Ruby: This is punishment for the rebellion!!

Garnet/Sapphire: [breaking down] It's not our fault!

Pearl: Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. [two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them] Um... what are these things?

Garnet: Put them down!

Steven: Uh!

Pearl: Wha... [throws the hands away]

Garnet: We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. [She poofs the hands and the screen turns black]

[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]

Steven: What's it like... being a fusion?

Garnet: You fused.

Steven: I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?

Garnet: You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.

Steven: When you split up, is it like you disappear?

Garnet: I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.

Steven: That's why you're so great!

Garnet: [smiles] Ha. [Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]

Steven: Oh, no! [Garnet catches it]

Garnet: Don't wanna break up a pair.

Steven: [holds peach colored sock] Yeah, you're right. [Garnet folds socks into basket] They belong together.

We Need to Talk

[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]

Greg: Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? [groans]

Amethyst: Hey! [looks at face-to-face with Garnet] Are you dead?

Greg: Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.

Amethyst: Whoa, cool! [jumps over Greg, runs to the TV] It's us from before!

Greg: Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.

Amethyst: A fusion dance ain't about your head! [laughs out loud]

Greg: Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!

Garnet: First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.

Greg: Metaphorically?

Garnet: Literally.

Amethyst: [whispers] Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!

Greg: Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. [touches his face] I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... [Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]

Garnet: Amethyst... give us some privacy! [throws it far away]

Amethyst: YEAH!! [scampers after it]

Garnet: Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse your way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. [lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes] That's fusion.

Greg: EYE—think I get it.

Chille Tid

Steven: "Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live"—Steven Universe.

Garnet: Let me show you how it's done. (She falls over, stiff as a board)

Pearl: That's pretty convincing.

Steven: Lapis!

Lapiz Lazuli: No. I'm not Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

Cry for Help

Garnet: It's as I feared.

[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]

Pearl: It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.

Steven: So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (to Amethyst) You guys should form Sugilite!

Amethyst: (smiling a bit) Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (smiling widely, to Garnet) What do you say? [Pearl looks scared in the background] Shall we mash it up?...

Garnet: No.

Amethyst: But, don't we need to be huge like last time?

Garnet: Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (takes off her visor) I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, [She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them] Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. [Steven gasps] It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. [Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up] Don't cry, Pearl. [Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly] Come on, let's do this.

Pearl: I'm right behind you. (sniffling)

Steven: (running towards them) Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (Amethyst walks over)

Garnet: (gemstones glow) Ready.

Pearl: (grunts; stretches) Hang on, it's been such a long time.

Sardonyx: Gooooood evening, everybody! (struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl) This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you a-live from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?

Amethyst: (sarcastically) Great...

Steven: (gasps) Giant woman!

Amethyst: Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?

Amethyst: Stop!

Pearl: Is something the matter, Amethyst?

Amethyst: You... you shouldn't.

Steven: Pearl, we saw you.

Pearl: (shocked) What?

Steven: You need to tell Garnet it was you!

Garnet: I don't understand.

Pearl: I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.

[Garnet drops Pearl]

Garnet: That's why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.

Pearl: Wait, let me explain!

Garnet: You've been fixing the hub!

Pearl: It really was Peridot! The first time...

Garnet: You tricked me!

Pearl: No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!

Garnet: Those weren't victories!

Amethyst: Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... stronger!

Garnet: Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... nothing!

Pearl: Garnet...

Garnet: That's enough! (points her finger at Pearl) Amethyst, fuse with me!

Amethyst: But-!

Garnet: (clenches her fist) Let's just get this over with. [Amethyst and Garnet fuse to form Sugilite]

Keystone Motel

Garnet: [agitated, panting] Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! [splits into Ruby and Sapphire]

Sapphire: [calmly] We must move past this, Ruby.

Ruby: [furiously] She lied to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She tricked us! Don't you feel used?!

Sapphire: You're choosing to take it personally.

Ruby: IT'S FUSION, SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN FUSION?!

Sapphire: I know you're still upset...

Ruby: Oh, so it's just me?!

Sapphire: Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?

Ruby: Well, it doesn't feel like it!

Sapphire: The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.

Ruby: YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE!

Sapphire: [about Ruby, while she shakes the table] This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.

Ruby: [angrily] THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK! I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY! [flips the table]

[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]

Ruby: You don't know me!

Sapphire: How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?

Ruby: Look at you! [laughing] You don't even know yourself! Ha!

Sapphire: So don't act so ridiculous.

Ruby: I'm ridiculous?!

Sapphire: Yes, yes.

Steven: I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?

Ruby: ...No! Steven, it's all us!

Sapphire: But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! [starting to cry] No wonder you think I don't care...!

Ruby: Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!

Sapphire: I don't think you're stupid!

Ruby: I'm... sorry. [gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]

Sapphire: You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.

Ruby: I know... [starts smiling] You know what's nice about being split up?

Sapphire: What?

Ruby: I get to look at you...

Sapphire: [pushes her off, laughing] Be serious!

Ruby: [hugs Sapphire] There's my Laughy Sapphy!

Sapphire: Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! [cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]

Historical Friction

Steven: Hey, Pearl! [sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling] Pearl?

Pearl: [jumps up] Steven! You're back!

Steven: Yeah... [sits down] Show business is rough.

Pearl: Is there something I can help you with?

Steven: Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.

Pearl: How do you know William Dewey?

Steven: I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.

Pearl: [sigh] Wish I could say the same for myself.

Steven: Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!

Pearl: ..When did you get so smart?

Friend Ship

[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]

Peridot: [laughs] You Gems really are as dull as dirt!

Pearl: You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!

Peridot: [pauses] What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.

Steven: [cleans off a microphone, speaks into it] Pearl says you're the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!

Peridot: [waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs] Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to TRAP YOU! [a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room] Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you CLODS?!

Pearl: No...

Amethyst: [speaks into the microphone] Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-

Peridot: Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! [dramatically hits a button] Hiyah! [nothing happens, hits it again] Hiyah!

[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]

Peridot: It works! Yes! DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!

[Amethyst and Steven see a television-like screen that shows trapped Garnet and Pearl in the chamber, with three inactive cog-like crystalline gears above them. Both run to the screen; Garnet and Pearl frantically thrashes its walls thoroughly]

Steven: We gotta get 'em out! [Garnet continues punching her side, Pearl slashes her side] Amethyst, what should we—?!

Pearl: [thru screen] Garnet... I'm sorry!

Amethyst: Wait a sec!

Pearl: Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... [inside, Garnet punches the wall again]

Garnet: We'll get outta here somehow.

Pearl: [sighs] That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... [Garnet withdraws her gauntlets] I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...

Garnet: Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. [thru screen] This isn't about Peridot.

Amethyst: Hey... they're actually talking!

Steven: Now they can finally work things out!

[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]

Amethyst: Not if they get crushed!

[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]

Pearl: Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!

Garnet: You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!

Pearl: I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!

Garnet: [kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl] I don't want to hear your excuses!

Pearl: But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. [cries] I need someone to tell me what to do.

[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]

Pearl: When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.

Garnet: You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. [thru screen] I came undone.

Amethyst: Whoa, that really happened?

Steven: [nods] Hm.

Garnet: It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. [thru screen] You have an impact too. [inside] There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your own gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.

Pearl: I understand. I can't give up anymore!

Garnet: Good.

Nightmare Hospital

Dr. Maheswaran: [sighs] I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.

Connie: Whatsyjf happened at work?

Dr. Maheswaran: There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a nightmare. [beat] Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?

Connie: Oh, no...

Dr. Maheswaran: A SWORD?! Connie, where did you get this?!

Steven: I-it's—

Connie: I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.

Dr. Maheswaran: How could you possibly think this is okay?!

Connie: It's—

Dr. Maheswaran: Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!

Connie: I—

Dr. Maheswaran: NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! [her cell phone rings, answers it] This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?

Steven: [to Connie] Is she gonna give it back?

Dr. Maheswaran: All right, I'll-I'll be right there. [zips sword in duffle bag] I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. [leaves, comes back] And we're using the abacus! [leaves again]

Connie: I hate that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!

Steven: Maybe we can get her to change her mind?

Connie: She never ever changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

Connie: Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.

Dr. Maheswaran: Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?

Connie: ..Maybe.

Dr. Maheswaran: I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.

Connie: I can protect myself now! [Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]

Dr. Maheswaran: Okay. [Connie winces] We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about [Connie's lenses] this, and [Lion] that, and... him. [Steven stays frightened] It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?

Connie: [beat] That's a rule. [they embrace each other]

Dr. Maheswaran: I love you, honey.

Connie: I love you too, Mom.

Sadie's Song

Sadie: Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.

Barb: Make you? You said you wanted to sing.

Sadie: Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, "Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun", then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. "Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice." 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. "Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza", and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.

Barb: I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.

Sadie: THIS is not your daughter.

Barb: [stunned] I'm sorry.

Catch and Release

Peridot: [in bathroom] Hmm... Seems I discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. [lifts toilet seat] A perfect crossroads for my escape.

[Amethyst fiddles the bathroom doorknob outside]

Amethyst: It's locked.

Garnet: Peridot, open the door! [flushing sounds are heard]

Amethyst: Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it won't work. [cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl] Trust me, I've tried.

Steven: [getting padded by Peridot] Why are you acting like this?!

Peridot: You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... cute! [Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]

Steven: I didn't poof you! I freed you! [Peridot turns back]

Peridot: Why would you make such a miscalculation?

Steven: Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?

Peridot: What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!

Steven: Cluster? Wait, pebble?

Peridot: My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!

Steven: Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?

Peridot: You wanna know?

Steven: Yes.

Peridot: You really wanna know?

Steven: Yes?

Garnet: I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, then fine. We'll talk. Peridot!

Peridot: [slips off the sink] Whoa!!

Garnet: All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversati—

Peridot: As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!

Garnet: [summons gauntlets] Okay, let's kick her butt.

Steven: Wait!

Peridot: Yeah! Destroy me again! [hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger] And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a bubble! [almost slips off]

Pearl: I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like... this.

Garnet: This is going to be tricky. [hear knobs turning, water splashing]

Peridot: H-h-hot hot hot!!

Steven: You have to turn the knob the other way for cold!

When It Rains

Garnet: Open the door, Peridot! If this Cluster is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!

Peridot: No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!

Amethyst: Aw, c'mon! Is it like a big... hunk of granola?

Peridot: ..What's granola?

Pearl: I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?

Peridot: Oh, sure! Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information! Oh, wait—you destroyed them!! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!! [the Gems groan. Flushing is heard in the bathroom]

Steven: Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. [exits bathroom, clears throat] Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.

Garnet: Don't worry about it, Steven.

Back to the Barn

Pearl: All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. [Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]

Peridot: [examines piece of chalk] Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.

Pearl: ..Uh, what?

Peridot: Hm? [beat] Umm, that will be all? [claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven] How do you get her to leave?

Pearl: Excuse me, I am not leaving.

Steven: Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?

Peridot: [laughs] No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.

Steven: Why not?

Peridot: Because Pearls aren't for this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?

Pearl: That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.

Peridot: Listen to you? [starts laughing, turns to Steven] Did you teach her to talk like this?

Steven: What are you talking about?

Peridot: She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.

Steven: Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!

Pearl: [nervous] Well... yes, but—

Peridot: [holding Pearl's sash] And she looks like a fancy one, too. [Pearl gasps]

Steven: Hundreds of Pearls...

Peridot: So, who do you belong to anyway?

Pearl: [grabs her sash away from her] Nobody!!

Peridot: Then... what are you for? [Pearl recoils back] Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?

Pearl: Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on our turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of you!!

Peridot: Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!

Steven: Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?

Both: NO!!

Pearl: I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!

Peridot: Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!

Steven: [whispers] Robots.

Both: Hm?

Steven: You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!

Pearl: You mean like a competition?

Steven: Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!

Peridot: What are these robots you speak of?

Steven: They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! [makes robot noises]

Peridot: Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!

Pearl: Well, I can build one faster!

Peridot: That's what you think!

Too Far

Peridot: [talking into a recorder] Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.

Pearl: I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?

Peridot: Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. [plays recorder]

Peridot: [thru recorder] "The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying." [Amethyst laughs]

Pearl: [to Steven] [annoyed] Why did you give her that?

Steven: Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.

Peridot: [thru recorder] "Clod!" [fast-forwards] "Mighty clod!" [fast-forwards] "Running out of ways to say clod."

Garnet: All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.

Peridot: [to Garnet] [clears throat] Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.

[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]

Peridot: [as Garnet walks away] What?! What'd I say?!

Steven: Did we really have to do that?

Garnet: Her having free reign of the place made me incredibly uncomfortable.

[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]

Peridot: I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...

Amethyst: Leverage optimizer?

Peridot: That's what I said.

Amethyst: Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? [laughing]

Peridot: Do you have one or not?

Steven: Uh... [hands a screwdriver] Why don't you just use this one?

Peridot: Because it was outside my radius.

Amethyst: He-hey... Hey, Peridot... [points to her nose] What do you call this?

Peridot: A scent sponge.

Steven: Huh? [Amethyst laughs some more]

Amethyst: Okay... [opens her eye] what's this?

Peridot: Vision sphere.

Steven: Peridot, that's—

Amethyst: Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... [waves her fingers] these?

Peridot: [getting annoyed] Touch stumps.

Amethyst: [points to her foot] This?!

Peridot: Gravity connectors.

Amethyst: This?!

Peridot: THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!! [Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]

Steven: Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!

Peridot: I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!

Amethyst: No, no, no! You're funny!

Peridot: Funny?

Peridot: The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! [laughs] You are the one they should put you in charge!

Amethyst: Ha! That's your best joke yet.

Peridot: No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what he's supposed to be.

Steven: Hey!

Peridot: You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem!

Amethyst: Uh... [laughs nervously] What?

Peridot: You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.

Amethyst: ..Defective?

Peridot: Well, sure. You're small.

Amethyst: So?

Peridot: Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. [points to Amethyst's hole] This— [runs to hole] This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!

Steven: Peridot... [Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]

Amethyst: What was I supposed to look like?

Peridot: Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.

Amethyst: Are you saying I'm wrong?!

Peridot: [laughing] Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... [snickers] funny! [Amethyst feels more enraged]

Steven: Amethyst?

Peridot: Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.

[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]

Peridot: See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!

Steven: Amethyst? Are you okay?

Amethyst: Don't worry about it.

Pearl: WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!

Garnet: I blame the cows.

Peridot: [thru recorder] "Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently "hurt" Amethyst's "feelings", which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log."

The Answer

Garnet: [narrating] I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. [beat] And then I fell.

Fusion: Ahh! [tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes] Ouch... [a sword is pointed to her face] Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?

[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]

Pearl: It's you... the fusion.

Fusion: We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... [Rose Quartz comes by]

Rose: No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.

Garnet: And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.

Fusion: I don't... upset you?

Rose: Who cares about how I feel? How you feel is bound to be much more interesting.

Fusion: How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? [Rose chuckles and smiles]

Rose: Welcome to Earth.

Fusion: C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!

Rose: No more questions. Don't ever question this. You already are the answer.

Both: Where did we go, what did we do?

I think we made something entirely new

And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you

I think it was someone entirely new.

Ruby: Oh, um

Well, I just can't stop thinking

Sapphire: So, um

Did you say I was different?

Ruby: And you hadn't before

Sapphire: Of course not

When would I have ever?

Ruby: I'm so sorry

Sapphire: No, no, don't be

Ruby: And now you're here forever!

Sapphire: What about you?

Ruby: What about me?

Sapphire: Well, you're here too

We're here together.

Mm-m-m-m-mm

Both: Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m

Mm-m-m-m-mm

Mm-m-m-m-mm...

Steven's Birthday

Garnet: [trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails] Our power means nothing to an infant.

[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]

Steven: Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—

[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]

Amethyst: What are you doing?!

Steven: [stammers] U-uh— well, what are [ages back] you doing?

Greg: What are you doing to your body?!

Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!

Steven: No! I was just... slouching.

Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.

Steven: Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!

Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.

Steven: Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!

Greg: [sighs] Steven...

[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]

Connie: How can the Gems not know what to do?!

Greg: You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.

Connie: But, how do we change him back?!

Greg: I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.

[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]

Connie: W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.

Greg: Are you sure?

Connie: Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? [baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]

Greg: Look at that! He finally stopped crying.

Connie: Well, that's a start. [Amethyst clears her throat]

Greg: What's up, Amethyst?

Amethyst: Baby Steven needs changin'.

It Could've Been Great

Steven: Life and death and love and birth

And peace and war on the planet Earth

Is there anything that's worth more

Than peace and love on the planet Earth?

Whoahh, come on and sing it with me

Peridot: Sing?

Steven: The words relate to the key

Peridot: Key?

Steven: If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern

Then just repeat after me.

Life and death and love and birth

Peridot: Life and death and love and birth

Steven: Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!

Both: And peace and war on the planet Earth.

Steven: Yes, yes! That's it!

Peridot: That's so easy.

Steven: Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.

Peridot: About what?

Steven: Whatever you're thinking.

Peridot: I guess we're already here, I guess we already know

We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go

I think you're all insane, but I guess I am too

Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.

Steven: [laughing] Yes! Life and death and love and birth and

Amethyst: Life and death and love and birth and

Pearl: Life and death and love and birth

And peace and war on the planet Earth.

Garnet: Is there anything that's worth more

Steven: Is there anything that's worth more

Peridot: Is there anything that's worth more

Than peace and love on the planet Earth?

[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]

Peridot: Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!

Garnet: No! You're wrong!

Peridot: What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!

Pearl: We are looking at it.

Amethyst: Yeah, this plan stinks!

Garnet: Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!

Peridot: But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded!

Pearl: Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and worth protecting.

Peridot: Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!

[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]

Steven: Ohh-hoh-hoh! [nervously] Is there anything that's worth more than— [Garnet picks up Peridot]

Garnet: You listen to me now. [summons gauntlet] You were talking about things that you do not understand.

Steven: Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.

[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]

Peridot: What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.

Steven: [sighs] That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

Message Received

Peridot: Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.

Yellow Diamond: You already have.

Peridot: [nervously] No, I mean... The reason I called – the real reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.

Yellow Diamond: ...Why?

Peridot: The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—

Yellow Diamond: I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.

Peridot: What?

Yellow Diamond: I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to die. Just make that happen.

Peridot: ...No!

Yellow Pearl: Huh?!

Yellow Diamond: Are you questioning my authority?

Peridot: I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.

Yellow Pearl: Well! [Yellow Diamond stands up]

Yellow Diamond: You are out of line.

Peridot: I just think—

Yellow Diamond: I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.

Peridot: But—

Yellow Diamond: You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—

Peridot: But—

Yellow Diamond: Shut your mouth!! [beat] You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! Is that clear?!

Peridot: I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! [Steven smiles]

Yellow Diamond: What do you know about the Earth?!

Peridot: [losing her temper] APPARENTLY MORE THAN YOU, YOU... CLOD! [Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot] Uhh... Peridot out.

[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]

Steven: That was AMAZING!

Peridot: [sweating and looking devastated] I can't believe I just did that...

Steven: I was so wrong about being so wrong about you!

Peridot: [still sweating and devastated] I can't believe I just did that...!

Garnet: You thought you could change her mind.

Amethyst: Yellow D got torn down by the "Peridactyl"!

Peridot: [sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl] Can one of you take this?

Pearl: Why?

Peridot: Because it can be remotely detonated.

[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]

Pearl: How do we stop it?!

Garnet: Just get rid of it!

Pearl: Err, here, Amethyst! [passes it to her]

Amethyst: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!

[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]

Peridot: [still curled up] I thought I could reason with her...

Amethyst: [grinning] Yeah, you REALLY made her mad.

Pearl: [smiling] And then you insulted her to her face.

Steven: [overjoyed] Do you know what this means?!

Peridot: I'm a traitor to my Homeworld.

Steven: You're a Crystal Gem!!! [hugs Peridot]

Garnet: [smiling] Whether you like it or not.

[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]

Log Date 7 15 2

Peridot: Log date 7 15 2. I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! [stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]

Peridot: [thru recorder] "I'm a traitorous clod!" [Peridot laughs madly] "I never want to think about what I've done again!"

Peridot: And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! [falls to her knees] I called Yellow Diamond a clod. Right to her face...

Steven: Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?

Peridot: [thru recorder] "I'm a traitorous clod!" [rewinds] "Traitorous clod!"

Peridot: [enthusiastically with a deranged smile] No!

Steven: It's all going to work out. You're with us now.

Peridot: You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. [cringes] A rebel! [eyes turn to stars] A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM.... [through recorder] "Clod! Clod! Clod!"

Steven: Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.

Peridot: NO IT'S NOT! [throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered] It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!

Garnet: [holding out recorder to Peridot] You dropped this.

Peridot: Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

Peridot: Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... [sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up] ...eludes me.

Peridot: It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

Peridot: Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

Peridot: [recorder] "Hour 78 of Camp Pining Hearts." [saying Percy's line] It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? [Steven climbs up]

Steven: Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?

Peridot: I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.

Steven: Is that the same episode from three days ago?

Peridot: There's more than one?

Steven: Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. [reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]

Peridot: Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.

Steven: Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.

Peridot: Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!

Steven: You got all this from one episode?

Peridot: It's subtext, Steven. Allow me to explain. [cut back to recorder held by Steven] "Well, first of all..."

Steven: Ugh, I remember this part.

[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]

Peridot: And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! [Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily] GRAHHH!!!

[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]

Peridot: [thru recorder] "Okay, go."

Garnet: "Log date... [Steven gasps] seven fourteen two."

Peridot: "No, you say it seven one-four two! [groans] Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet."

Garnet: "Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it."

Peridot: "Wait, what?"