Pilot [1.01]

Gossip Girl: Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. Who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl: There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good catfight and this could be a classic.

Chuck: [Suggestively] If you want to thank me...

Serena: It's a sandwich, Chuck.

Chuck: Serena looked effing hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be... violated.

Nate: You are deeply disturbed.

Chuck: And yet, you know I'm right. You're telling me if you had the chance—

Nate: I have a girlfriend.

Chuck: You guys have been dating since kindergarden and you haven't sealed the deal.

Nate: Who says "seal the deal"?

Chuck: Are you following us or something?

Dan: No. I, uh, I go to your school. [He gestures to their outfits]Identical uniforms. Kind of a tip-off.

Nate: [Sarcastically] That's funny.

[They exit the bus]

Dan: [Sarcastically, to himself] So, you guys wanna sit together at lunch?

Chuck: [Smoking a joint] This is some good stuff.

Nate: Yeah, I'm gonna need it. Blair's mom is in the country house.

Chuck: Well then maybe I should swipe some of my dad's Viagra, or my mom's Paxil... Nathaniel, you're finally about to have sex with your girlfriend and it's like you're headed to your execution.

Nate: Nah, man, I'm good.

Chuck: Talk to Chuck, buddy. You and Blair have been dating forever. All of a sudden there's a problem?

Nate: There's no problem. It's just, do you ever feel like our whole lives have been planned out for us? Like we're just gonna end up like our parents?

Chuck: Geez, that's a dark thought.

Nate: Aren't we entitled to choose, just to...be happy?

Chuck: Look, easy, Socrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, a prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu, so smoke up and seal the deal with Blair, cause you're also entitled to tap that ass.

Rufus: Guess whose dad is cool?!

Jenny: It's a trick question.

Dan: Yeah, 'cause it can't be ours.

Rufus: Ha ha, ha ha. Look at this: [He hands Dan a magazine]

Dan: Top Ten Forgotten Bands of the '90's.

Rufus: Yeah, check out who is number nine.

Jenny: He's very proud.

Dan: Hey. Hey, way to be forgotten!

Rufus: But that's how you get remembered!

Serena: So, how's your mom doing? With the divorce and everything.

Blair: Great. So, my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.

Serena: I'm really sorry.

Blair: Yeah, I could tell, since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening.

Serena: I, I know, it's just... boarding school—

Blair: I don't even know why you went to boarding school to begin with. Do you know how it felt calling your house when you didn't show up at school and having your mom say "Serena didn't tell you? That she moved to Connecticut?"

Serena: I just... I had to go, I... needed to get away from everything. Please, just trust me.

Blair: How can I trust you when I feel like I don't even know you?

Serena: Well, let's fix that. I saw you at school with Kati and Is and I get it. I don't wanna take any of that away from you.

Blair: Because it's just yours to take if you want it.

Serena: No, that's not what I mean. I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. You know, walking to school together, dancing on tables at Bungalow, night swimming at your mom's country house? You're like my sister. Y'know, with our families... we need each other.

Blair: Well, you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn't such a tragedy it would've been funny. Actually, it kinda was.

[They laugh]

Serena: Well, I wish I could have been there.

Blair: You are now. Well, I have to go meet Nate. We kind of have something special planned.

Serena: Well, I don't want to keep you, but, um... [She hugs Blair] I love you, B.

Blair: I love you too, S.

Chuck: I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.

Serena: And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs.

Chuck: Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.

Serena: You just love when a girl talks to you.

Chuck: Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking.

Serena: [Sarcastically] Mm. I've missed your witty banter.

Chuck: Let's catch up! Take our clothes off, stare at each other.

Serena: How about I just get a bite to eat. I'm drinking on an empty stomach.

Chuck: I heard you didn't do that anymore.

Serena: Special occasion.

Chuck: Well, how about a grilled cheese with truffle oil? You love truffles.

Serena: Enough to know it's not on the menu.

Chuck: I'm connected.

Serena: Only 'cause I'm hungry.

Serena: Pick me up at 8?

Dan: You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?

Serena: Well, you can't be any worse than the guys I do know.

Serena: So, you took me to meet your dad on the first date?

Dan: So, this... this is a date? Oh. Maybe I should've worn my loafers, then. Dress down a little bit.

The Wild Brunch [1.02]

Gossip Girl: S's new boy's name is— oh, who cares?

Jenny: The question is, how are you?

Dan: Me? Why wouldn't I be okay?

Jenny: At the end of the night with Serena and the... [She imitates his wave]

Dan: Was it really that bad?

[It cuts to a flashback to the previous night in the taxi]

Serena: So, this is me. So, uh... good night.

Dan: Yeah, uh... good night.

[Serena exits the taxi]

Jenny: Ugh! Go! Walk her to the door! Something! Go!

[He's about to exit when he hits his head on the door]

Dan: Uh, I think I have brain damage.

Nate: That kid popped you pretty good, huh? Never mess with a guy's sister.

Chuck: If I knew his name, I would hunt him down and kill him.

Nate: Because you kill people now? You gonna strangle him with your scarf?

Chuck: Don't mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It's my signature.

Nate: I'm just saying, death by scarf? Not that intimidating.

Blair: You know, I always knew you were a whore... I never took you for a liar, too.

Serena: Blair... how can I fix this?

Blair: You don't, Serena. You just stay away. From me, my boyfriend, and my friends. You're done here.

Blair: Chuck likes to brag about his conquests, not his victims.

Chuck: What are you doing here?

Dan: What? Is this your hotel?

Nate: Actually, it is.

[Dan looks up at the building, confused]

Chuck: Yeah, so unless you have a reason to be here I'll have to ask you to wait on the curb with the rest of the trash.

Dan: Trash? Look, man, I live in Brooklyn, alright? Not the Ozarks. No offense to the Ozarks.

Dan: Did you talk to my sister?

Chuck: Ah, yes. Little Jenny, I do believe she and I have some unfnished business.

Dan: You stay away from her.

Chuck: Poor Daniel, so little time so many sluts to defend-[Dan pushes Chuck into a waiter carrying a tray, both of which fall to the ground and cause glass to shatter in the process. Chuck watches in amusement as everyone stares at Dan, horrified.]

Chuck: This isn't over.

Dan: Hey, anytime, man. That one black eye looks a little lonely.

Jenny: Wow, these dolls are great. Oh my God, you have Cabbage Patch! My brother used to have one of these, his name was Cedric.

Blair: [Snorts] Your brother's name is Cedric?

Blair: I can't believe Serena came to this brunch. I told her to stay away.

Chuck: Are you worried about Nate? [Blair glares at him]Just a shot in the dark. I think you know what you need to do to get his attention. [Holds up a key]

Blair: And what's that?

Chuck: Key to my suite, Nate's heart and your future happiness. [Blair considers this and then takes the key]I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering.

Blair: You're disgusting.

Chuck: Yes I am. So why be shy?Why don't you grab Nate and finish this. Report back with details.

Dan: I was in the neighbourhood. Uh, give or take 70 blocks.

Chuck: Better a broken nose than a broken heart.

Gossip Girl: Looks like Blair and Chuck showed up with quite an apetite , for destruction that is.

Gossip Girl: Looks like the ultimate insider has become a total outsider. It's your move, Serena. You know who'll be watching, Gossip Girl

Poison Ivy [1.03]

Dartmouth interviewer: Why should Dartmouth pick you as an usher?

Dan: I believe I am the ideal Dartmouth candidate. I've been dreaming of Dartmouth for years. And I haven't asked Dartmouth...but I think she's been dreaming of me too.

[Dartmouth interviewer looks confused]

Dan: That was supposed to be a joke.

Dartmouth interviewer: Why should Dartmouth pick you as an usher?

Chuck: Why should I be chosen as an usher? [Thinks] I'm Chuck Bass.

Dan: [Talking about Nate] The guy had one original thought last year. It died of loneliness.

Blair: [Answers her phone] Finally

Chuck: Hello to you too. Heard about the field hockey throw down. All those mouth guards and short skirts, I hope somebody filmed it.

Blair: [Scoffs] You're heinous.

Chuck: Which is probably why you called.

Blair: You know me well.

Chuck: Women like to pretend they're complicated, I know better.

Chuck: [Showing Blair photos of Serena entering the Ostroff Center] Admit it, even for me this is good.

Blair: If you weren't such a perv, I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second.

Chuck: Defending my country...there's a future I never imagined.

Blair: With good reason....What is she doing there?

Chuck: What's anyone doing there? It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted.

Blair: You must have your own wing.

Chuck: You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit.

Serena: Are you here for another catfight?

[Blair pulls an envelope out of her purse]

Serena: What's that?

Blair: A letter. I wrote it to you when you were away at boarding school. I never sent it. [She begins to read it] Dear Serena. My world is falling apart and you're the only one who would understand. My father left my mother for a 31 year-old model. A male model [She scoffs]. I feel like screaming because I don't have anyone to talk to. You're gone, my dad's gone, Nate's acting weird... where are you? [Crying] Why don't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love, Blair.

Serena: [Tearing up, she trys to regain her composure] Why didn't you send it? I would've

Blair: You would've what? You knew, Serena. And you didn't even call.

Serena: I didn't know what to say to you, or even how to be your friend after what I did. [She also begins to cry] I'm so sorry.

Gossip Girl: Spotted in Central Park. Two white flags waving. Could an Upper East Side peace accord be that far off? So what will it be? Truce or consequences? We all know one nation can't have two queens. What happens next ? Only time will tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Bad News Blair [1.04]

Serena: Britney with the umbrella!...Posh Spice in America!

Gossip Girl: Hey, Upper East Siders, there's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a surprise. And we hear Blair Waldorf got a two-for-one special: her mom, Eleanor, who has just returned from Paris, and Serena van der Woodsen... brunch buddies.

Gossip Girl: Doesn't Chuck know that a party isn't a party until someone crashes?

Gossip Girl: Is that a smile we see on B's lips? The spotlight is on her, for once, and S actually helped her get it. I guess miracles can happen.

Blair: What are you doing here? [Referring to Dan] Do I smell pork... and cheese? [To Serena] Okay, well, when you're done with your charity work, why don't you come find me?

Chuck: [On Carter Baizen] Anyone who trades their trust fund for a fanny pack flies in the face of all that is holy to Chuck Bass.

Blair: [To Serena's voice mail] Maybe we should crash the shoot, anyway. See who they replaced me with. Make fun of that skinny bitch.

Chuck: [Hosting a lost weekend] You've lived through Ivy League! And hopefully gained entry to the college of your choice. Now, let's ruin those chances. Let me remind you of the rules. As of this moment, there is no outside world that I do not show you. You eat what I provide, practice what I preach, and till I say so, the only girls you talk to are the ones I've paid for. Let the lost weekend commence.

Carter: Once you turn away from money you see that it doesn't buy you freedom, it pays for your prison. They say I disappeared, but all I did was break out.

Nate: So where'd you go?

Carter: Where didn't I? I did cleanup post Katrina, spent a year rebuilding Manchu Pichu, which let me tell you, changed my life. I bought at HD cam and started filming if for a documentary-

Chuck: You're the guy who gave us our first joint, snuck us into our first club and you're gonna tell me the life of a YouTube filmaker is better than this. You invented the Lost Weekend.

Nate: Who cares about a party when you can travel the world? [Chuck scoffs]

Carter: Exactly, in the real world, all that matters is who you are. Not what you own.

Chuck: As much as I love the speech about not needing material things from a guy who has that much product in his hair, this party is about excess, not exposition. Stop talking, start partying.

Rufus: I dated a girl like Serena, once. Actually, a lot like Serena. And girls like that might be challenging. That's true. And they're complicated, and enigmatic. And usually worth it. And the only way you know for sure is to jump it with both feet.

Dan: What happened with you?

Rufus: I swam for a while. Till I drowned.

Dan: Oh. Well, thanks, dad. That's a great story.

Serena: I'm sorry. You were right.

Blair: I know.

Serena: When I got that call, I should have known you had nothing to do with it. I know I should have never pushed you to do this whole thing in the first place.

Blair: Actually, I'm glad you pushed me. It ended up being a very important day for me. I just thought it was going to be more fun.

Serena: I know, me too.

Nate: It's exactly what he [Carter] said. The money, the drugs, the privileges, they're just keeping us numb, so we don't notice it's better out there in the real world.

Chuck: The real world? Everyone out there wants to be us. We are what you aspire to, not run away from.

Nate: [Scoffs] You really don't get me do you?

Chuck: That dream of yours, what is it really? Cause I hear you talk about how you don't wanna go to Dartmouth and how you don't wanna follow in your father's footsteps, but what exactly do you want?

Nate: All I know is it's not this.

Chuck: Well you better discover what it is before you throw everything away trying to find it.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lonely Boy's rude awakening. Upper East Side Queens aren't born at the top. They climb their way up in heels, no matter who they have to tread on to do it.

Gossip Girl: This just then, S and B committing a crime of fashion. Who doesn't love a five fingers discount, especially if one of those fingers is the middle one... Everyone knows you can't choose your family but you can choose you friends. And in a world ruled by bloodlines and bank accounts, it pays to have a pal. As much as a BFF can make you go WTF, there's no denying we'd all be a little less rich without them. And Serena and Blair? They do best friends better than anyone. No, that's not a tear in my eye, it's just allergies. Without you, I'm nothing. Gossip Girl

Dare Devil [1.05]

Gossip Girl: Here's an inside tip, Little J: the faster you rise, the harder you fall. Hope that Hello Kitty sleeping bag doubles as a parachute.

Blair: Martini?

Jenny: No thanks, I don't like vodka.

Blair: Well, that's good. Because this is gin, as it should be.

Serena: Are you sure you didn't want any of my dinner? Your entrée was so small.

Dan: No no, it was amazing. I didn't realize fish could be creamed.

Lily: So where are you taking my daughter this evening?

Dan: [Sarcastically] Well, I thought we'd do a tour of New York underground. You know, go visit my friends, the mole people?

The Handmaiden's Tale [1.06]

Vanessa: The Pacifier played for like a year.

Dan: And they said Vin Diesel couldn't do comedy.

Jenny: Let's play a game.

Chuck: I'd say strip poker, but I don't have any cards.

Rufus: Since when were you the patron saint of former rock stars?

Lily: Since when were you a rock star?

Dan: Let me just say. For the record. I like you. Only you.

Serena: Well, that's good because I feel the same about you.

Dan: Glad that's cleared up.

Gossip Girl: What was it we say about appearances? Yes, they can be deceiving. But most of the time, what you see is what you get.

Gossip Girl: Why is it that friends of Serena van der Woodsen have to search for her suitor? Have fables fallen so out of fashion that Princesses have to do everything themselves? Call us old school, but sometimes the Fairy Tale ending requires the Knight to get off his ass and saddle up his steed.

Blair: Who does this Dan Humphrey think he is? Serena is putting up a strong front, but I can see how hurt she is. We have to help her heal her heart.

Kati: Blair, it is pretty late notice.

Isabel: Most of the good ones are already taken.

Blair: No more excuses! Serena must have the hottest date ever. If he's got plans, he'll change it. If he's got a girlfriend, he'll dump her. If he's out of town, he'll charter a G5 and fly home. Make it happen.

Blair: Is that a bong, Mother? I didn't take you for a stoner...

Victor/Victrola [1.07]

Bart Bass: [to Chuck] What's with the business formal? Are you being arraigned for something?

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Bass, drunk off his ass, at The Palace bar drinking away his woes and his investment capital.

Blair: You want your dad to invest in a strip joint. How midtown.

Chuck: Hey, burlesque club! A respectable place, where people can be transported to another time. Feel free to let loose with no judgement, pure escape. What happens in Victrola stays in Victrola.

Blair: Well, it does have franchise potential. Chuck Bass, I do believe all your years of underage boozing and womanizing have finally paid off. Truly, I am proud.

Chuck: Well, you are my toughest critic. Well, second toughest.

Gossip Girl: As you might have guessed, Upper East Siders, prohibition never stood a chance against exhibition. It's human nature to be free. And no matter how long you try to be good, you can't keep a bad girl down.

Serena: So, do you think we should talk about it?

Dan: Abo— You mean, about, about Vanessa? No, you know what? She's like family, it feels comfortable. So, therefore, she often shows up without calling.

Serena: No, I mean, about what almost, maybe, might have just happened.

Dan: Oh, you mean if Vanessa hadn't entered and we...

Serena: Or we can not talk about it. [Leans in to kiss Dan]

Rufus: [From outside the room] Dan! We're home. We got breakfast.

Dan: [Sits up from the bed and turns to Serena] Hungry?

Blair: So, I heard on Gossip Girl that you were having sex with Dan out here...in streaming video.

Serena: Oh, God. Kati and Is filmed us?

Blair: Well, it's not very high school musical scandalous. And no, they haven't streamed it...yet. But, I heard it was aggressive.

Serena: I must say, Dan has been surprisingly good at everything we've done.

Blair: Which is? Everything?

Serena: No! But, feel free to ask any personal questions.

Blair: But you've talked about it, right?

Serena: No, mom! We haven't.

Blair: May I remind you that this is your first real boyfriend, S. And in relationships, you talk about stuff.

Serena: I know, but, I don't know. Sometimes talking about it or planning it can ruin a good thing, you know?

Blair: I would know. Well, as long as you're not worried.

Serena: Well, I'm not. But, I don't know, he might be. Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?

Blair: Only the guys we like. [They both laugh] But with you, I can't imagine why.

Blair: You know I got moves.

Chuck: Really? Then why don't you get up there?

Blair: I'm just saying I have moves.

Chuck: Come on, you're ten times hotter than any of those girls.

Blair: I know what you're doing, Bass. [Pause] You really don't think I'll go up there.

Chuck: I know you won't do it.

Blair: Guard my drink.

[Blair is on stage, dancing at Victrola as Chuck watches, in awe]

Drag Queen: Who's that girl?

Chuck: I have no idea.

Gossip Girl: As you might have guessed, Upper East Siders, prohibition never stood a chance against exhibition. It's human nature to be free. And no matter how long you try to be good, you can't keep a bad girl down.

Seventeen Candles [1.08]

Blair: [On the phone] Hi, this is Blair Waldorf, I was wondering if any of the pieces I put on hold today were picked up. The diamond necklace. Okay, thank you. [Looking up at the ceiling] Thank you, thank you!

Anne: May I remind you that it was your own rash actions that got us into this predicament.

Nate: We're in this predicament because Dad has a drug problem. I was trying to help him.

Anne: Then help him.

Nate: Where's the girl?

Chuck: In my dreams, I was trying to get some shuteye. What's on your mind?

Nate: It's my mom.

Chuck: Sounds Freudian.

Nate: She wants me to give Blair her ring.

Chuck: What? You guys broke up.

Nate: Yeah, I know. I mean, wait, how did you know?

Chuck: Predictably, your ex ran the old, uh, grill-the-best-friend play. Tried to find out where your head was at. So uh...where is your head?

Nate: Spinning. I mean, my mom wants me to get back with Blair so Eleanor won't pull out of their business deal. It's all cause of my dad's whole trial thing, you know?

Chuck: Hey, I'm sorry about all that. But look, if you're done with Blair, be done. Don't cave to your parents wishes if they're not your desires.

Nate: Excuse me? Where's my boy? Seal the deal, tap that ass? Money marries bigger money?

Chuck: Look, I care about three things Nathaniel. Money, the pleasures money brings me and you. I'm just trying to have your back here. Your parents have been controlling you your whole life, if it doesn't end now, when will it ever?

Gossip Girl: Whoever thought monarchy was dead didn't realize it just changed zip codes. So, what will it be, Nate? Blair Waldorf's hand or your father's head?

Chuck: Something as beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty.

Serena: Blair, stop. You can talk to me.

Blair: [Crying] We ended it. I wanted to tell you, but a part of me thought that if I didn't say it out loud, then it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together, but now, I think it's really over.

Gossip Girl: Speak of the devil and he doth appear—wearing his trademark scarf. Careful, B, hell hath no fury like a Chuck Bass scorned.

Chuck: Are you ready for your present? [Blair pulls his hair] Ow! If you wanted to play rough all you had to do was ask.

Blair: [Lets go of Chuck's hair] You nauseate me.

Chuck: All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end, face it. It's over.

Blair: You sound like a jealous boyfriend.

Chuck: Yeah, right. You wish.

Blair: [Thinks and then lets out a laugh] No... You wish.

Chuck: Please, you're forgetting who you're talking to.

Blair: So do you. Do you...like me?

Chuck: [Pauses] Define like.

Blair: You've got to be kidding. I do not believe this.

Chuck: How do you think I feel? I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering.

Blair: Butterflies? [Chuck looks horrified] Oh no, no, no, no, this is not happening.

Chuck: Believe me, no one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.

Blair: Chuck, you know that I adore all of God's creatures and the metaphors they inspire. But those butterflies, have got to be murdered.

Chuck: Fine, it wasn't that great anyway.

Blair: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...awhile since my last confession.

Priest: What troubles you, my child?

Blair: [Sighs] After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.

Priest: Ahem.

Blair: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.

Priest: [Sarcastically] You don't say?

Blair: But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.

Priest: How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.

Blair: Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice. [Gets up to leave but comes back] You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?

Priest: I'm a priest, not a genie.

Blair: Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?

Blair Waldorf Must Pie! [1.09]

Serena: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.

Eric: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.

Dan: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated...a girl "a lot like Serena".

Jenny: Her mom.

Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your stepdads.

Serena: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?

Dan: No, or who satisfied her.

Serena: That's just...

Dan, Jenny, Eric, and Serena: Gross!

Rufus: So, you're not overreacting per se. You're just having a reaction that is so above and beyond what is appropriate.

Alison: I have been killing myself, trying to make up for what happened in Hudson.

Rufus: Which is not an overreaction, I might add.

Alison: And then I find out that the two of you are making out at a party.

Lily: Uh, it was hardly making out. And there's an explanation.

Serena: I don't want a bath.

Nate: Aw, too bad, Blair's direct orders.

Serena: Blair's not the boss of me.

Nate: Are you in here? Because Blair is the boss of all of us. Seriously, Serena, you smell like the floor of a brewery.

Serena: I do not!

Nate: Yes, you do.

Serena: Oh, my God. Yes, I do.

Nate: Yeah.

Serena: A brewery floor with a hint of second hand smoke.

Nate: And a pint of Old Spice.

Serena: I totally need a bath.

Nate: Yes, you do.

Serena: Blair's a bossy genius.

Nate: Yeah, she is.

Serena: [Using the shower head as a mic] So, what about you?

Nate: What about me? I don't smell like an ashtray.

Serena: But you look like an ass-tray.

Lily: There's nothing wrong with having Chinese food on Thanksgiving.

Serena: What?!

Lily: Jews have been doing it on Christmas since forever. Look, a pumpkin! It's festive, yes?

Serena: We're gonna eat a pumpkin?

Gossip Girl: As per Gossip Girl Thanksgiving tradition, I'm trading my laptop for stove-top. And for the next sixteen hours, the only thing I'm dishing is seconds. When the cat's away, the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents!

Hi, Society [1.10]

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass losing something no one knew he had to begin with... his heart.

Blair: What was that?

Chuck: I should ask you the same question. Perfect gentleman? Perfect date? That broken record was a hit last year. Get with the times, he bores you.

Blair: You almost made a fool of me in front of the New York Times. Which proves my very point: you can't be trusted. Nate is a gentleman. He would never cause a scene.

Chuck: Never get your blood going, either.

Blair: Speaking of going, that's what you should do. Carter Baizen is on his way here, right now.

Chuck: What? What the hell are you doing with Carter Baizen?

Blair: He left his jacket here yesterday and I'd rather you be gone when he got here. There have been enough scenes for today.

Gossip Girl: This just in—we hear there's a cold war brewing between Lonely Boy and a certain blue blood. We never thought we'd say this ourselves...

Serena: There you are. What's going on?

Dan: I'll tell you what's going on. I just became your escort to the ball.

Gossip Girl: But our money's on Brooklyn for the win.

Nate: I just don't get it. I organized everything the way she likes it. I mean, I even made sure my bow tie matched her dress.

Chuck: Like the book says, "She's just not that into you."

Gossip Girl: Serena van der Woodsen, looks like your invitation just arrived...with strings attached. Come out, come out wherever you are.

Blair: What are you doing here, Nate?

Nate: Well, I, um... Look, you know, after rehearsal I just, uh, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I mean, the ball's something we've talked about doing together since we were, like ten years old. And I've given you every reason to hate me.

Blair: True. Keep going.

Nate: And the Prince, he's a great dancer and all. But, is there any chance you'd go with me instead? For old times' sake.

Blair: Nate, after what you pulled on my birthday, the only thing we should be doing together is moving on.

Nate: Yeah, I know. [Pause] Look, I haven't worn this sweater since forever. I just pulled it off, and I found this. [Shows Blair the heart pin]

Blair: It's my pin. I sewed it there so you would always have my heart on your sleeve.

Nate: I know. I figured you might want it back or something.

Blair: No! It was a gift. [Considers Nate's offer] The Prince will understand. Maybe we should go to the ball together... as friends.

Nate: Absolutely.

Blair: But only as friends.

Nate: Just friends.

Roman Holiday [1.11]

Chuck: [Via text message] So how did you fake your virginity for N?

Gossip Girl: [About Blair] Looks like Daddy's girl isn't sugar and spice and everything nice after all.

Dan: The arts and crafts were impressive, but how did you manage the real snow?

Serena: [Laughs] I'm well connected.

Dan: This is, without question, the best Christmas ever.

Serena: Ever. In the history of Christmas.

Roman: Eleanor, we've been friends for a long time. Since before Marc Jacobs went into rehab.

Eleanor: Friends don't steal other friends' husbands.

Blair: You know, I called you about an hour ago, BTW. You're late.

Serena: Um, you're lucky I'm even here at all. It's Christmas Eve and I still haven't found a gift for Dan. Now, all the stores are closing and I'm totally screwed. Do you have any idea what you can buy for under fifty dollars these days?

Blair: I don't know. A single entrée in a mid-price restaurant? Three-quarters of a DVD box set? Maybe a pair of Wilfrid stockings?

Serena: Oh, stockings! Yes! Great idea for Dan! Blair, please, this is serious.

Blair: I don't know, why don't you buy him a gold money clip for forty-nine, ninety-nine. He won't know the difference.

Gossip Girl: Some families actually do make the Yuletide gay, managing to leave their troubles far away. [scene cuts to the Humphreys] Other families have a merry little Christmas even when their troubles aren't so far away. [scene cuts to the van der Woodsens] Some presents might end up getting returned. Some gifts are for keeps. [scene cuts to Rufus standing outside the Palace] Other presents come when you least expect them. [scene cuts back to Bart Bass down on one knee] And everyone knows the biggest present comes in the smallest box. [scene cuts to Blair picking up her phone to read Chuck's text message] Then there are those boxes you wish you had never opened. Have a holly, jolly Christmas! XOXO Gossip Girl.

School Lies [1.12]

Chuck: How glad are you that our two families are merging together, sis?

Serena: So glad that if you ever call me that again it will be the last thing you ever say, Chuck!

Gossip Girl: Who knew B and C were such patrons of the arts? Call it philanthropy or bribery, it looks like everyone has their price...

Vanessa: You're sick!

Chuck: You're welcome!

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lonely Boy learning that when the punishment fits the crime, there's no reason you can't serve your sentence in style...

Vanessa: [to Chuck]: What's that? Your stripper money?

Blair: [to Ms. Queller] I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done that stupid thing before. You look confused, should I walk you through it?

Vanessa: So what will it be, Dan? Cheerios and Chaucer, or an illegal party at your prep school pool with your high society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?

Dan: Dad. Vanessa and I are going out.

Chuck: [to Serena] Why don't I turn that one-piece into a no-piece?

Blair: If you didn't pay your rent with it, what did you do with Chuck's money?

Vanessa: I may have created a medical grant for teens with genital herpes. In his name.

A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate [1.13]

Rufus: I need to know how you and Jenny would feel if I went out tonight, for a drink...with a woman.

Dan: Well, I guess I'd feel like you shouldn't wear that shirt or there will not be a second date.

Rufus: Really?

Dan: Really, really.

Rufus: Thanks. Now I guess I just have to worry about Jenny then.

[Jenny comes in]

Dan: Good morning.

Jenny: Hi.

Rufus: Good morning, sunshine!

Jenny: Dad. Where'd you get that shirt?

Rufus: What's wrong with this shirt?

Jenny: Nothing, as long as you don't plan to wear it out of the house.

Dan: Worse. He plans on wearing on a date.

Rufus: For drinks, if that's okay.

Jenny: Whatever.

Dan: Hey! What are you doing here?

Serena: I need to know why you love me.

Dan: Because I do.

Serena: I really want to trust you when you say those words, Dan, so maybe if I knew why, I'd stop being so scared of hearing them and afraid to say them.

Dan: Okay. Well, if you want to talk about why...

Serena: It has to do with my mom and her many marriages.

Dan: There. that's why. Because I actually like it when you interrupt me, which is often, by the way. I love you because you make no apologies about being exactly who you are... Beautiful, smart, sexy as hell.

Serena: Now you're embarrassing me.

Dan: That's another reason. You're totally unaware of the effects you have on me. You're also completely unaware that you laugh like a 4 year old. [Serena laughs] Just like that. And I love you because you can be with someone like me and still be best friends with someone like Blair.

Serena:: Yeah, well, I tried to be.

Dan: I know you do, and that's not easy, but you never give up on her. That is how amazing you are.

Serena: Well, you're amazing, too, for being able to say all of those things, you just are. [They kiss] And I love you... But I have to go.

Dan: What? what— what is it this time?

Serena: One of the many reasons you love me. [Blows Dan a kiss]

Blair: Is there a reason you're here?

Serena: Stay. Don't let these things make you run away like it did me. Like it does everybody in our world.

Blair: Every thing's horrible. My whole life is falling apart.

Serena: So, rebuild it. You're a Waldorf, remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you.

Blair: I'm so embarrassed. I'm so...

Serena: So, what? Start over. It can be done, I should know. We can get through this together.

Blair: Promise?

Serena: Promise. [hugs Blair]

Blair: Did you tell Dan I slept with Chuck?

Serena: What?

Blair: You did You told your low rent boyfriend and he told his social climbing sister who wears my hand-me-downs who blabbed to Nate!

Serena: No, Blair - Dan and Jenny aren't like that. They would never do that.

Blair: You don't get it, do you? The rules are different for the Serena van der Woodsens of the world. People expect you to be party and be wild, sleep with whoever you want, run away, come back...You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago. It doesn't matter what you do but I'm a Waldorf!

Serena: Well, since you and your reputation obviously don't need me and my low rent tastes, you and the Waldorf name can weather this storm alone.

Blair: I will.

Nate: Did you sleep with her huh? You son of a bitch, I ought to kill you!

Chuck: Can we talk about this without your hands around my neck?

Nate: What did you do? Did you get want you want like you did with all those other girls?

Chuck: Yes, Nathaniel! I took what Blair kept throwing at you and what you kept throwing back!

Nate: Oh, so somehow you screwing Blair for sport is my fault?

Chuck: It wasn't for sport. She needed someone and I was there.

Nate: Oh, so you cared about her?

Chuck: You guys were broken up.

Nate: For how long? A week? An hour?

Chuck: Look, I am sorry, alright! Look, I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay!

Nate: No it's not okay, Chuck. From now on you stay away from me. [Walks off]

Chuck: Nate.

Nate: You hear what I said? You stay the hell away from me, Chuck!

Blair: You're all I have left.

Chuck: Actually, you don't even have me.

Blair: Enough.

Chuck: I'll try to be more succinct. You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. But now you're like...one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would.

The Blair Bitch Project [1.14]

Blair: Cat! Cat! Cat! Ew!

Nate: You don't have a cat, Jenny.

Blair: My name is Blair.

Nate: You don't have anyone. [Smirking]

Blair: But I'm Blair! I'M BLAIR!!!

[Blair gets woken up by Dorota from her dream]

Blair: What's happening?

Dorota: You have bad dream and you're sleeping with your chocolate.

Blair: Lady Godiva, my only friend.

Serena: What are you doing?

Erik: I'm hiding from my valet. He wanted to put my socks on me this morning. Your servants are very attentive.

Chuck: You should meet Brigita.

Serena: No, no, he should not meet Brigita! He's fourteen! Avoid this person.

Chuck: Do I have to remind you, Serena, that you USED to have a sense of humor?

Serena: No! [gives death stare]

Lily [to Serena]: Oh, don't put your dirty package on the table.

Chuck: If I had a dime for every time I've heard that...

[Erik chuckles at Chuck's comment]

Serena: Constance bad-girl-turned-good, Serena van der Woodsen, moves in with, Chuck Bass.

[Blair laughs]

Serena: [To Chuck who is in her bathroom, sitting on the sink with the water in the shower running] What are you doing?

Chuck: Alright, Ladies, my sister needs to shower. Make room. [Serena looks at the empty shower stall] I'm just messing with you.

Serena: [Sees his discarded marijuana joints] I can't believe you lit up in my bathroom!

Chuck: Well if I lit up in mine, the folks would know it was me, sis.

Serena: Oh okay, let's get one thing straight. Our parents may be insisting on blending households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.

Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.

Serena: B, I say this out of love. But you being a bitch is what got dairy in your hair in the first place, okay? Be nice and neutral and things will swing back to normal. You're the Queen Bee, just let nature take its course.

Blair: What does she think she's doing?

Serena: She's giving you the perfect opportunity for niceness. C'mon, be nice!

Jenny: Serena, I know you're doing something with Dan tonight. But Blair, um, we're all going to Butter and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?

Serena: She'd be delighted. YES! [Serena claps for excitement] BUTTER!

Jenny: Great.

Serena: Great! [Serena smiling happily]

Blair: Very nice.

Serena: Thank you.

Nate: Hey, so, I may have told Blair you told me the truth about her and Chuck. And I'm sure she didn't applaud to that. Look, you don't know what you're dealing with here.

Jenny: I'm not scared of Blair, Nate.

Nate: No, I'm not talking about... I'm talking about your new circle. I mean, they've been friends with Blair since forever and look what they're doing to her! You fall out of line, what do you think is going to happen to you?

Jenny: Well, then, I won't fall out of line.

Nate: I'm not saying you're going to... Look, just, you're not like those girls, Jenny.

Jenny: That's weird, Nate. You'd think they're my friends, so we'd have some stuff in common.

Nate: Okay. Well, I will give you this - you've got good aim.

Blair: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?

Serena: Because I'm nice. You should try it sometime. C'mon, um, compliment me, tell me my hair looks beautiful.

Blair: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?

Nate: Next time your sister's band is in town, I want front row seats.

Vanessa: [laughs] You don't strike me as a lesbian punk fan.

Nate: You know, I'm almost offended by how much you underestimate me, Miss Abrams.

Vanessa: You like punk?

Nate: Oh, I didn't hear you... You said punk? Because you had me at lesbian.

Vanessa: [laughs] Right. Didn't see that coming.

Nate: Think your parents would adopt an seventeen-year-old?

[Vanessa laughs]

Nate: Maybe?

Nate: So...

Vanessa: So...

Nate: I guess this is goodnight, then?

Vanessa: I don't live here, you know.

Nate: No, I know.

Vanessa: I'm just grabbing my laptop.

Nate: Oh. [Nate looks as if he really wants to kiss Vanessa]

Vanessa: Do you want to come inside?

Nate: Umm... [looks inside shop]

[awkwardness between Vanessa and Nate]

Vanessa: God, this does feel like that doorstep moment.

Nate: And what moment would that be?

[Nate looks at Vanessa and kisses her]

Desperately Seeking Serena [1.15]

Serena: You don't even talk to her. Why do you care how she does?

Blair: Nelly Yuki has her sights sets on Yale, too. What are the odds of them accepting two girls from Constance? And have you seen Nelly Yuki's extra-curriculars? I need to kick her well-rounded ass!

Serena: And they say you've lost your edge...

Blair: Nelly Yuki must be destroyed.

Serena: Why do you keep saying her name?

Blair: Because it's Nelly Yuki! [Serena laughs] Ew, gross, incoming Chuck. You coming?

Serena: No, I gotta wait for Dan. He's stressed, he doesn't do very well with tests so...

Blair: Performance anxiety? [grins at Serena]

Serena: Bye, Blair.

Georgina: I'd like to propose a toast: To the new you.

Serena: To the new me.

[a dog barks and chases a ball that landed near Dan]

Dan: Yo, hey buddy, there you go.

Georgina: Oh, awww, Georgie, hey, bad boy. Sorry he disturbed you.

Dan: Well, uh, it's fine. I love dogs.

Georgina: Really. Do you have any?

Dan: No, uh, we used to have a cat, uh, but, you know, sister, allergies. Now he lives with my aunt in Florida. Never calls, never writes, never visits...it's all very depressing.

Georgina: Um, I'm Sarah, by the way. [shakes Dan's hand]

Dan: I'm Dan. Nice to meet you, Sarah. [shakes Sarah's hand]

Georgina: Oh, hi, sweetie. Let me just call someone to... [Serena cuts in]

Serena: I don't want you to ever contact me again.

Georgina: Just because of a few nights of harmless fun?

Serena: It wasn't fun waking up and not knowing where I was. It wasn't fun missing the SATs and it DEFINITELY wasn't fun lying to Dan.

Georgina: [snorts] And this is all my fault because... [Serena cuts in]

Serena: It's my fault because I make huge mistakes when I'm with you.

Elise: Jenny, why'd you want to meet here?

Jenny: Well, I was thinking, what is the one thing that no one in our group has - even Blair?

Elise: Compassion?

Jenny: [laughs] No, a boyfriend. If I'm gonna make it to Queen, I need a King.

Elise: Queen Elizabeth never had a boyfriend.

Jenny: But she only had the Spanish to conquer and I have Blair Waldorf.

Elise: What's top qualification?

Jenny: He has to be cute.

Elise: But not full of himself. [laughs]

Jenny: He has to be from the right kind of family. Eugh, but not disgusting.

[Jenny and Elise both laugh]

[Asher walking his dogs accidentally walks into Jenny and she drops her hotdog]

Asher: Oh, oh, so sorry. Are you okay?

Jenny: Yeah. [laughs] My lunch isn't though.

Asher: Uh, let me give you my last dollar.

Jenny: Oh, I couldn't. You shouldn't be walking the streets with no money.

Asher: Let's just settle for an IOU, then.

Jenny: It's just a hotdog.

Asher: That just makes an excuse to give this to you. It's my number.

Jenny: [laughs] Thank you, uh, I mean it's fine, I'm not even really that hungry anyway.

Asher: Well, if you change your mind.

[Asher walks away with his dogs and continuously turns around to look at Jenny, she does the same]

Elise: [Jenny throws the piece of paper Guy gve her in the bin] What are you doing? He's gorgeous.

Jenny: He's a dogwalker. I need a King, not a jester. [Jenny sighs] C'mon.

Serena: This is not about last year, Georgina, it's about last night!

Georgina: Like you are some innocent bystander who walked in on... [Serena cuts in]

Serena: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT, GEORGINA, OKAY? And neither are you. If I'm going down, you're going down with me. In the meantime? Stay out of my life.

Georgina: I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't want to be there.

Serena: Then we're agreed.

[Georgina slams her door angrily]

All About My Brother [1.16]

Lily: Where do you think you're going?

Serena: I can't talk right now Mom, I'll explain later.

Lily: If you invite an old friend to our quiet family dinner, I expect you to stay and eat.

[Georgina walks in the room]

Lily: You know how I'd always love it when Georgina came around.

Georgina: I ran into Lily in the lobby. You totally forgot to tell Lily I was coming for dinner.

[Serena and Georgina have an awkward friendly hello kiss]

Georgina: Did you get my present?

[Georgina grins while Serena fakes a smile and realises that Georgina is up to something]

Blair: What happened? What's wrong? Talk to me.

Serena: [Serena starts crying] I can't.

Blair: Of course you can.

Serena: [sobbing] No, no, B, this is the one thing I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone.

Blair: I'm not anyone. I'm me, you can tell me anything.

Serena: [sobbing] No I can't, because then you'll be a part of this and I can't let you be a part of this.

Blair: What are you talking about? You're starting to scare me.

[Serena sobbing]

Blair: Hey, hey, hey, we're sisters. You're my family. What is you is me. There's nothing that you could ever say to make me let go. I love you.

[Serena still crying tries not to answer the question]

Blair: What is it?

Serena: I killed someone.

[Serena stops crying and stares at Blair. Blair is staring back at Serena shocked as ever]

Asher: Do you really think that someone like me would date someone like you, Jenny from Brooklyn?

Erik: I mean, people thought that I was Gossip Girl.

Serena: [laughs] You have to admit, it made sense at the time.

Erik: Why would I stand here if front of everyone we know and tell them if it wasn't true? I'm gay, and so are you.

Georgina: Because I can.

Serena: This is not a game!

Georgina: Aww c'mon, I'm just having a little fun.

Hazel: It's kinda hard to party after the gay bomb drops.

Georgina: I mean there must be love in the New York air. You're engaged, Serena's found a new guy, Erik's found himself a boyfriend...

[Lily, Serena and Erik all are shocked by what Goergina had said]

Erik: Excuse me?

Lily: [a bit confused] Oh, I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right?

Georgina: What, you haven't met Serena's new guy?

Lily: Uh, boyfriend?!

Georgina: Oh, you mean Erik? You didn't know he was dating someone? I didn't think it was a secret, I mean, I saw them kissing in front of St Jude's this morning for the world to see. [Erik looking uncomfortable while Georgina gladly reveals the secret]Well, don't look so embarassed, E, he is a hot piece. Well done!

Serena: Please, Georgina, it's not funny, okay?

Georgina: Oh! Um, you didn't know Erik was dating a boy?

Lily: That doesn't make any sense because that would mean... that Erik is... and he's not, [sighs uncomfortably] he's just not.

[close up of Erik who is lost for words]

Lily: Are you? [realising that Georgina was telling the truth] God...

[Erik see his mother's disappointment and runs off]

Serena: Erik! [sighs] Great, Mom, that's just great. [Serena looks to Georgina] How dare you?!

[Georgina looks innocent as if she has done nothing wrong]

Blair: My, my. If it isn't Little J, risen from the ashes.

Jenny: I came to tell you in person. You win.

Blair: Oh, sweetie, we just started to play.

Jenny: No, you don't understand. I'm done. With you, with them - all of it.

Blair: Just like that, you wave the white flag.

Jenny: I lied. And I stole and I lost the respect of my family. For what, so I can be like you? You asked me before if it was all worth it. And my answer is, it's not.

Blair: I tried to warn you. There's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it.

Jenny: Well, you were right.

Blair: [sighs] Well, you put up a good fight. For a freshman.

Jenny: Thanks.

Blair: [sarcastically] Hope you don't expect a hug.

Jenny: I don't expect anything anymore.

Serena: Salud, Chuck! Yes, I'm still fine. I haven't heard from Georgina in two weeks, so if you'd stop calling me I'd finally be rid of all of my monsters. Bye.

Vanessa: You can read about it all day long, but you have to walk the city to know it.

Sarah: Okay, look, anything is better than getting lost of the train every day.

Vanessa: Subway. Click those heels, you're not in Portland anymore.

Sarah: Seriously, you and Dan are so sweet to adopt me. And I'd be a mess without you guys. Well, more of a mess then I already am. [laughs]

Sarah: Are there any new developments?

Dan: Uh, no, no, more of the same. Jenny and her boyfriend are inseparable and Jenny is more insufferable.

Vanessa: Give her a break, Asher's her first love.

Dan: It's infatuation, it's not love.

Sarah: Yeah, but to a fifteen-year-old girl, there isn't a difference.

[Dan realises Sarah and Vanessa have a point]

Vanessa: And how long did it take you, Dan?

Dan: Uh, um, that's a little different, Vanessa. It took me... [Vanessa interrupts]

Vanessa: Uh, one glance at a ninth grade birthday party.

Dan: Yes, but two years to obsess over.

Sarah: So things are better with Serena?

Dan: Serena, yeah, yeah, good memory.

Sarah: Right.

Dan: Things are finally back to normal.

Sarah: Good. Well, I mean, you know, it's tough making friends in a new city. It would be really nice to meet her.

Dan: Yeah, Serena would love you. She loves everybody. Not that she wouldn't like you because she doesn't discriminate. Um, see what she meant about that rambling thing? [Vanessa laughs] How's tonight?

Sarah: Tonight would be perfect.

Dan: Good. See you.

Gossip Girl: You know, it's kind of funny, how you can find meaning from things you wouldn't think to look at. Like on a TV show- The truth always comes out, it's one of the fundamental rules of time. And when it comes out it can set you free, or end everything you've fought so hard for. Another way the truth comes out - when you don't even mean it to, or when, without saying a word, it's still heard loud and clear. But the worst thing the truth can do? Is when you finally tell it, it doesn't set you free, but locks you away forever.

Woman on the Verge [1.17]

Blair: [to Nate and Chuck] I need your help.

Nate: What's going on with her?

Chuck: [on his cell] Serena didn't come home last night.

Dan: Did you sleep with someone else?

Serena: Yes.

Dan: I'm done. [Dan walks away disgusted and angry and Serena starts crying]

Georgina: From the moment I met you, I've been falling for you.

Dan: You want to just go somewhere we can talk? Somewhere quiet?

Serena: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.

Chuck: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do?

Nate: C'mon, you can tell us.

Blair: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarks. You don't have to hide anything from us.

Nate: She's right, Serena, I mean none of us are saints.

Blair: Yeah. [points back at Chuck] I had sex with him in the back of a limo.

Chuck: Several times.

Nate: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date. [looks at Chuck] Once.

[Blair looks back at Chuck waiting for him to say something to comfort Serena]

Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass.

Blair: You can tell us anything. [Serena shakes her head] We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.

[Serena looks at Blair, Nate and Chuck]

Serena: If I tell you, it can never leave this room.

Nate: What about her?

Serena: Well, something happened the night of the Shepards' wedding.

Blair: I think we're all aware of what happened that night.

Serena: No, something else. Something I've tried to escape but Georgina won't let me. And now she's blackmailing me.

Nate: [shocked] Blackmailing you?

Chuck: With what, exactly?

Serena: Well, it started when Blair thought you and I had too much to drink. She told us to get some air, go outside, sober up.

[FLASHBACK - In the bar with Nate at the Shepards' Wedding]

Serena: If the happy couple didn't want the cashier for the premium bar, they should have made it BYOB.

[PRESENT]

Serena: Instead, we ended up in the bar and I opened that bottle of champagne and we... well...

Blair: We can skip that part, okay?

Chuck: Go ahead, I'll fill her in later.

Serena: I left in a hurry. I felt so terrible, so guilty for what I'd just done. I just... I had to get out of there.

[FLASHBACK - Serena calling for a cab]

Serena: [to the cab driver] East Hill Hotel, please.

[PRESENT]

Serena: Georgina and I had plans to meet up after, so I headed straight to her... little did I know, she had a surprise waiting for me.

Dorota: '[on the phone with Lily]' I think you should have worry about your daughter. Worry like before she went away.

Serena: Because I would rather Dan think I cheated on him than know what I really did.

Nate: What you really did?

Georgina: It's Serena! She goes down for anything.

Much 'I Do' About Nothing [1.18]

[Blair wakes up confused to see Chuck sleeping on her bed and slaps him]

Chuck: Ow!

Blair: Who? What? When? Where? Why?

Chuck: We were up late plotting against Georgina, we must have dozed off.

Blair: And you were on the floor.

Chuck: I didn't want to hurt my back.

Blair: Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.

Chuck: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?

Blair: Fine, nothing that requires you removing your scarf.

Chuck: That was one time, it was chilly.

Blair: Ugh, enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.

[Chuck looks at his watch]

Chuck: Well, I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man speech to write and no time to write it.

Blair: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us.

Chuck: I've still got the scars on my back to prove it. [Blair pushes him out the door] You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free.

Blair: Ugh! They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face!

Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty, Blair. [Blair slams the door in his face]

Gossip Girl: The only thing feared by the spawn of Satan; Mom and Dad. Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know that bitches don't just happen—they're made.

Blair: There, there Georgie. It's going to be okay.

Georgina's Mom: No. This time it won't.

Blair: Or it won't. Your parents were so worried G. They told me everything. How you were supposed to be on the Equestrian Circuit but sold your show pony for cocaine.

Georgina: That was a difficult time... but I put that behind me.

Blair: When? When you were in rehab? It's hard to get cleaned when you hitch-hike in a town, steal a credit card, and book a ticket to Ibiza.

Georgina: You didn't see where they sent me. I mean, that place was awful. It was..it was in Utah. At least I lasted longer than Lohan.

Blair: [talking to Georgina] Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

Blair: No one ever enjoys their first time.

Chuck: Except you.

Serena: [to Nate] Hey, if you ever want to reflect alone together, I'll be around.

Gossip Girl: They say love conquers all... but maybe love never met Georgina Sparks. Poor Humphrey. Looks like our resident moral compass isn't such a straight arrow after all.

Serena: When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, I told her it was because you and I were forever. I know I was right.

Georgina: One last battle and the war is won.

Blair: Best man speech going that well?

Chuck: There won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whore-gina?

Blair: Not a dry eye there either.

Chuck: Didn't know I wasn't missed?

Blair: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. I'm not sure how much fun he had though, no one ever enjoys their first time. [Fixes Chuck's bowtie.]

Chuck: Except you, save me a dance? [Blair grabs hold of Chuck who was irritated by what Chuck said]

Blair: Now that Georgina's done, so are you and I, she was the last thing we had in common. [Kicks Chuck's shin, Chuck grunts after Blair kicks him] Ha, break a leg [sarcastically]

Chuck: I think I just did.

Chuck: I need to talk to you. Your father's leaving.

Nate: He just stepped out to call my mom.

Vanessa: Everything okay? [Chuck says "no" at the same time that Nate says "yes"]

Chuck: He had his car brought around.

Nate: He probably left his phone in it.

Chuck: Right before the ceremony I saw him with a guy doing a deal. Looked like drugs.

Nate: My father is clean, Chuck. What are you spying on him?

Chuck: Look, I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair and I'm sorry. We do not have time to argue about this.

Nate: Thank you.

Chuck: It's your dad. It's bigger than...all the other stuff.

Nate: I'm sorry...for all of it. [They shake hands]

Chuck: So am I.

Nate: So you said you loved her. Uh, never heard you say that before...about anyone.

Chuck: [Giving the best man speech at Bart's wedding to Lilly.] My father is someone who goes after what he wants and Lilly Van der Woodsen is no exception. In typical Bass man fashion his pursuit was direct and at times...not exactly subtle. [Chuck looks at Blair and then puts down his cue cards] One thing I learned from my father's courtship of Lilly is the importance of perseverance, that in the face of true love you don't just give up - even if the object of your affection is begging you to. And one thing I learned from Lilly is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and in kind, I’ve watched them become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day, I hope I’ll be lucky enough to find someone who’ll do the same for me. To the happy couple.

Blair: That was quite a speech. All your hard work must've paid off.

Chuck: That wasn't what I wrote. [They begin to dance] I was inspired in the moment...Look, I know I said some horrible things. Even for me.

Blair: You mean like blogging to Gossip girl about our sex life and comparing me to your dad's sweaty, old horse?

Chuck What's your point?

Blair: What's yours?

Chuck: You don't belong with Nate, never have, never will.

Blair: You don't belong with anyone. [They kiss.]

Chuck: Let's take it slow this time. Do it right.

Blair: Chuck Bass is a romantic. Who knew?

Chuck: Now you do. That's all that matters.

Summer, Kind of Wonderful [2.01]

Gossip Girl: Unlike the rest of us, sex lies and scandal never take a vacation. Instead, they take the Long Island Expressway and head east - to the Hamptons! Some of us would say summer is the busiest season. Think Park Avenue, but with Tennis whites, and Band de Soleil. The players change, but the game remains the same.

Serena: Oh God. Hot lifeguard has a Camaro. And not in an ironic-I've-got-a-Camaro kinda way.

Blair: At least I could have gotten a more interesting stand-in than James. You know how hard it is to find a good fake boyfriend on short notice?

Blair: I would be in my cabana at the Hotel du Cap, and there he would be. Amid all the fireworks on Bastille Day, all I could see was that... Chuck Bass-tard!

Chuck: You're lying.

Blair: I am not.

Chuck: Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth.

Blair: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software while I was away?

Blair: What about all those rumors about you and Nate?

Serena: Mmm mmm. Not true. They just got people off my back so I could stop being sad, and Nate could go do whatever he wants, so it worked out for both of us.

Blair: You mean you haven't had ANY fun with anyone all summer?

Serena: There's this hot lifeguard that asked me out, but I, you know, I turned him down

Blair: A hot lifeguard is like kleenex! Use once and throw away. You couldn't ask for a better rebound!

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena and Nate in a massive display of PDA... and that's exactly what Dan Humphrey is. Pretty. Damn. Angry.

Blair: Is something wrong?

James: You're just using me to make that guy jealous.

Blair: I ...

James: It's no wonder you hate Charade. It hits too close to home.

Blair: Chuck is an awful person. He does terrible things. He uses people

James: And you think you're any different? I can't believe I've been so stupid. I bet you don't even like me at all.

Blair: Not really. I mean... you're kinda boring.

James: Am I? Or are you just too interested in yourself to get to know me? You two deserve each other.

Dan: I've tried not to think about her all summer. I was afraid that if I did, that ... I'd see that I made a huge mistake.

Rufus: Well, you've been running all summer. Maybe it's time you turned around and faced it.

Blair: Damn that mother Chucker! He's totally right! I don't even like James!

Serena: Thank you. I was totally waiting for that.

Eric: [to Chuck] Yeah... 'How Well Do You Know Blair Waldorf' is a little boring to those of us who actually know Blair Waldorf.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass waiting for the Jitney. A dozen roses in one hand, his heart in the other. You know what they say: A man is a good thing to come home for. But an even better thing to come home with. Ain't karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.

Skank on Beach: Mister Chuck, is there anything you need caretaking of?

Serena: Blair will never forgive you for what you did to her.

Chuck: Who told you that little piece of advice, your boyfriend Nate?

Serena: Nate didn't say anything ...

Chuck: Good. I don't think it's wise taking relationship advice from someone in a FAKE relationship. Call me crazy. [pause] Enjoy another night alone with your thoughts.

Serena: Good luck on your suicide mission!

Serena: I still miss Dan sometimes... more than sometimes.

Blair: The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey... is mourning Dan Humphrey.

Chuck: Please don't leave with him

Blair: Why ? Give me a reason and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count !

Chuck: Because you don't want to.

Blair: Not good enough.

Chuck: Because I don't want you to

Blair: That's not enough !

Chuck: What else is there ?

Blair: The true reason, I should stay right where I am and not get in the car.... Three words, eight letters, say it. . and i'm yours.

Chuck: I... I...

Blair: Thank you, that all I needed to hear

Chuck: You really know how to hurt people. I admire you for it

Blair: This is all your fault. I wouldn't never needed a James if you hadn't stood me in the airport in the first place. You made me use him.

Chuck: I didn't make you do anything. You're just you. Don't you see we're the same? Stop trying to fight it

Blair: I will fight until my last dying breath because any resemblance of you is something i would hate about myself

Never Been Marcused [2.02]

Serena: Blair Waldorf, a fling? You're not exactly low maintenance.

Blair: It's like Roman Holiday but I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn!

Serena: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all about revenge on Chuck?

Blair: Revenge is so 12 hours ago! And just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a delicious dish in his own right!

Serena: This is you. Just be yourself!

Blair: [after being humiliated by Catherine] She made Waldorf rhyme with Spears! I may as well have gone commando and held my party at Nyla's Burger Basket.

Serena: Fine. While you stand here and feel sorry for yourself and denigrate the fine people of Kentwood, I'm gonna go find Dan.

Blair: Your plan to ruin me totally backfired. Turns out Marcus' mommy is even sicker than you are.

Chuck: You got along great?

Blair: I think she recognized herself in me. Or rather, I recognized someone in her.

Chuck: I don't follow.

Blair: All you need to know is, you lost. But don't be too hard on yourself. It was a solid effort.

Chuck: Tomorrow's another day.

Blair: Good night, Chuck.

Chuck: Good night, Blair.

Gossip Girl: What's this? Chuck's date and Blair's date are mother and son? And Nate and Blair are exes? And Nate and the mother are in a book club? Now there's a novel plot twist.

Chuck: I thought you might like to meet my friend.

Blair: Why, so she can warn me about the effects of too much Botox?

Catherine: Blair, is it? I'm Duchess Beaton.

Blair: [flabbergasted] Duchess? Nice to meet you.

Blair: I know you're here with Chuck, and I can only imagine what he said about me. Limo sex, social torture, freshmen, blackmail. But I assure you, there's an explanation for all of it.

Catherine: Save your breath, Blair. Chuck didn't tell me a thing.

Blair: He didn't.

Catherine: I told him it didn't make any difference to me, because ... despite your best efforts, which are completely transparent, by the way, Marcus will never end up with a lowly Waldorf.

Blair: Duchess? I'm so sorry, for what I said about the botox. Your work is flawless.

Dan: I was just thinking about... this morning... on the bus ...

Serena: Yeah, we didn't exactly stick to the plan, did we?

Serena: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can.

Blair: Dan likes soccer, right? Or football, as Marcus calls it? Think it would be too weird if he came?

Serena: Not... necessarily ...

Blair: Good, you'll call him?

Serena: Does this mean you actually think Dan has a redeeming quality?

Blair: As long as knows his arse from his Arsenal, I think he's aces.

Gossip Girl: Spotted, Chuck Bass putting his new BFF on speed dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bro-mance? Or the end of Blair's bid to be British?

Marcus: No one's ever good enough. I've dated a lot of top-flight girls and she always sends them running. She gets inside their heads, figures out their worst fears and then ...

Chuck: ... ruthlessly exploits that fear. Sounds rough.

Nate: No offense, but don't you think you're a little outmatched?

Chuck: At squash? I've been playing my father since 8th grade, how good can Marcus be?

Nate: No, I mean as a guy. Blair wants to be a princess and your greatest achievement is owning part of a burlesque club.

Chuck: Which is why I have to get to know him. No one is that perfect. Once I get him outta the way, I'll have a clear shot with Blair.

Nate: You know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.

Chuck: I think you're jealous of my new best friend!

Nate: Well I have been hoping someone else would tag in for awhile.

Blair: Squash? I'll squash you.

Chuck: It's just a game, Blair.

Blair: Not to me, Basshole. I like him!

Chuck: So do I. And apparently he doesn't have too many friends.

Blair: [to Marcus] Don't worry. I'm well-versed in your lordly ways. And I'm ready to meet the queen... which I also just watched on DVD, BTW.

Serena: [to Dan] Okay. I will see you back in the city. Fully clothed. With lots of people around. Okay? We'll talk.

Dan: Yeah. About our problems.

Blair: [sees Nate and Catherine on the floor] Oh my effing God!

Gossip Girl: Cheers to that, Blair. Nothing says welcome home like a bottle of bubbly... or a scandal bubbling.

The Dark Night [2.03]

Dan: I can't believe Nate Archibald is a gigolo.

Vanessa: You can't tell anyone!

Dan: Who? Who would I tell? Except everyone I've ever met. [pauses] I won't.

Gossip Girl: Love may fade with the season, but some friendships are year round. Like you and me! You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Marcus: [sees Blair and Chuck] ... Blair!

Blair: ohmigod, ohmigod.

Marcus Blair, what is it?

Blair: You don't understand! I thought it was you! He had an accent!

Chuck: Please, you knew exactly who it was.

Gossip Girl: Looks like Lady B is determined to have it all. Question is... who with?

Blair: Not that it's any of your business, but Marcus and I have an amazing sex life.

Chuck: Really? [pauses] What names does he call you when you make love? Where does he put his hand? Does he ... [whispers] I want you, baby. Won't you come to me?...Have sex with me .

Blair: What?

Chuck: Just once, that's all I ask.

Blair: You are disgusting and I hate you.

Chuck: Then why are you still holding my hand?

Jenny: It looks like a pilgrim at a funeral. [pauses] I am so, so sorry.

Eleanor: You're absolutely right.

Jenny: I am?

Eleanor: Yes. Don't let it go to your head.

Serena': I'm sorry, I'm not laughing. It's just so obvious. You're not over Blair. This is your body's way of telling you!

Chuck: I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Least of all that one. But you do raise an interesting idea. Clearly there's some kind of ... blockage.[Pauses] Perhaps ...

Serena: No!

Chuck: One more go-around, just to clear the pipes.

Serena: You are not using Blair as sexual Drano!

Nate: I told you that in confidence!

Catherine: You told me that in bed.

The Ex Files [2.04]

Gossip Girl: Spotted, a blonde shiny phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation. Welcome back Queen Serena! Consider us your humbled servants. Cause if looks could kill, we wouldn't want to be Dan Humphrey.

Dan: [to Vanessa] Google "revenge" and get blairwaldorf.com.

Blair: This girl is Dan with boobs.

Gossip Girl: Sorry lonely boy. Don't say we didn't warn you. But if Queen S can do this to D, are any of us safe? Bow down or bow out, X.O.X.O. GossipGirl.

The Serena Also Rises [2.05]

[Eleanor Waldorf's fashion show has ended, and Serena has just finished telling Blair to get over herself regarding Serena's newly found popularity. Serena is leaving with Poppy, and Blair is standing alone on the steps of the Capitale, where the fashion show took place.]

[cut to Rufus, inside; then to Blair on the steps.]

Gossip Girl: If there's one thing I learned is that there would be no gossip without secrets.

[cut to Chuck, reading draft of story written by Dan.]

Gossip Girl: ...you might be brave enough to reveal your secret only to have it used against you.

[cut to Dan, at computer at home.]

Gossip Girl: ...or someone else's secret might affect you in unexpected ways.

[cut to Jenny, at home with signature dress mistakenly shown at the fashion show.]

Gossip Girl: ...there are some secrets you're only too happy to keep.

[cut to Bart placing a necklace on Lily, holding her close.]

Gossip Girl: ...others surface, only to be buried away deeper than they were before.

[cut back to Blair on steps of the Capitale]

Gossip Girl: ...but the most powerful secrets are the truths you thought you could never reveal...

[cut to Serena and Poppy, then back to Blair]

Gossip Girl: ...but once spoken, change everything. But don't worry, B, the brightest stars burn out the fastest, or at least that's what I heard. Waiting for a star to fall. x o x o. Gossip Girl

Chuck: Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy.

Blair: And you know what you give to everyone, Chuck? Misery. There's a reason you're always out here alone.

Chuck: Nate just happens to be away at his grandparents'.

Blair: Nate's only friends with you out of habit. The only person with fewer friends than you is Dan Humphrey. And at least his lame, nineties dad likes him. And that's because he's something you'll never be, a human being.

Dan: I know we dont like eachother, you think im a boring sheltered nobody...

Chuck: I dont think of you

Dan: All right, of course you dont, but i 've been thinking of me... And i 've come to the conclusion that i need to get out of my comfort zone, I need to experience new things...

Chuck: Are you gay???

New Haven Can Wait [2.06]

Chuck In Real Life [2.07]

Chuck: We both know you'll do it again. It's just a question of when.

Blair: The answer is never.

Chuck: We're inevitable, Waldorf.

Chuck: Humphrey. Never a pleasure.

Dan: Oh good, we agree on something!

Chuck: Did you have a reason for coming to see me? Because if it was to insult me, there's a website you can go to.

Gossip Girl: One bad thing about making a deal with the devil is, he always comes to collect.

Blair: What took you so long?

Chuck: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.

Gossip Girl: Let a new game begin. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Pret-a-Poor-J [2.08]

Dan: [to Blair after she confesses that she loves Chuck] Wow, someone loves Chuck Bass..

Chuck: The reason we can't say those three words to each other.Isn't because they aren't true.

Blair: Then why?

Chuck:I think we both know that the moment we do,it won't be the start of something-it'll be the end. Think about it. Chuck and Blair going to the movies...Chuck and Blair holding hands...

Blair: We don't have to do those things, we can do the things we like.

Chuck: This is what we like...

Blair: The Game...

Blair: Chuck texted me, he's waiting for me on the roof.

Serena:On the roof?

Blair: Well this way if he doesn't say it back I can just jump.

Serena: No, don't do it B. You don't want your obit to say you died in Brooklyn.

Bonfire of the Vanity [2.10]

Blair: I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead I got a conscience.

Cyrus: Ah, the mythical Serena.

Serena: How did you know who I was?

Blair: Dorota, are you insane?

Dorota: I don't know.

Blair: You used the everyday china. Cyrus will think we're just common upper-middle class. Get the Auberge and hurry up!

Blair: I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me.

'Aaron:' Well, I'm seeing lots of people. I don't know how it works in high school, but I like to date more than one person at a time.

Serena: We broke up, remember?

Aaron: How did we break up if we're not going out?

Hazel: Beggars can't be choosers.

Aaron: I don't want the same life that my parents had. Social obligations, saying no to all the things I want to say yes to ... I thought you felt the same way. If I was wrong, I apologize.

Gossip Girl: Poor little orphan Jenny, looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks, but Daddy Warbucks don't grow on trees. At least on a tree that grows in Brooklyn.

Chuck: It will ruin our family. Don't do it. Please.

Aaron: Do you want to get dressed?

Serena: Nope.

Blair: Screw Grace Kelly. I need a scheme.

Dorota: Oh no...

Blair: That tiny man must have a secret I can exploit.

Dorota: You glow, Mrs. Waldorf. Like Chinese lantern.

Eleanor: It's love, Dorota.

Blair: How can you possibly love Cyrus? He's all the things you hate! He uses the wrong fork, he slurps his soup, he wears sport socks! He is short, and pushy! He's nothing like daddy.

Eleanor: Which is precisely why I like him. Harold was lovely in a million ways, but he had his secrets. Cyrus is someone I can trust... Before I go see Cyndi Lauper I have to get my hair done, pick up my dress at Barney's. Would you like to come with?

Blair: No! Thanks. But have fun.

Cyrus: Blair I would love to fill this whole penthouse with peonies for your birthday but will you allow me to purchase them from somewhere else, it's the principle of the thing!

Blair: I prefer to get my own peonies from my own florist, but thank you so much.

Blair: [to Cyrus] My mother's coming to my party.

Eleanor: What? You never want me at your parties.

Blair: This year's different! I'm 18 and it's a grown-up party. I emailed Dorota a new guest list. Parents are invited.

Cyrus: I'll return the tickets ...

Eleanor: Nonsense. Blair and I will celebrate her birthday on her REAL birthday next week. WE are going to see Cyndi Lauper!

Jenny: And yet another one bites the bust, Agnes. What is the matter with you?! This guy was our last chance!

Agnes: Okay he totally overreacted! We're artists! We need to work with somebody who's not gonna be freaked out by a little bit of passion.

Jenny: Passion. You know the heat from the fashion show's not gonna last that long ...

Agnes: Jenny, I will find us another business manager tomorrow.

Jenny: Good, because without one we can't meet with any buyers.

Agnes: It's all gonna work out, okay? I'm on it.

Agent: Who do you imagine your client will be? Girls like us-

Jenny: Sophisticated girls with a bit of edge, and who can afford a high-end product. I know these girls and their style because I'm their peer, and that's what makes me unique as a designer.

Agent: You girls have been getting a lot of press. You've got talent. Who's the designer?

Jenny: It's me.

Agnes: And I'm the face of the line, and brains of the operation.

Dan: I'm kinda over the writing thing, and I wanna see what else is out there. You're easily the most successful person I know so I figured, why not start at the top. You know, I was hoping I'd be able to shadow you for a few days a week after school.

Bart: I'm a busy man, Daniel, I don't think that's going to be possible.

Dan: Right, of course. I don't want to impose. It's just that ... you know, well, my dad, his world is pretty narrow. He may have had a hit song in the '90s but he didn't build half the Manhattan skyline.

Bart: Your father's a fine man, but I can see how you'd want something more. Why don't we start with two days a week?

Serena: Plenty of women have been both lover and muse to famous artists. Like Picasso.

Blair: Serena, a guy start's out in his blue period and everything's great. But it's only a matter of time until he's all into cubism and it's some other girl's eye coming out of her forehead.

Serena: Okay, I'm going to go.

Blair: Wait, what about the gnome? I have to take him down!

Blair: He's totally unsuitable.

Serena: Who?

Blair: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!

Blair: Serena, I called you like 10 times last night! Where have you been?

Serena: I went to the dentist at lunch, and yesterday, I met Aaron in Times Square. B, it was the most romantic thing...

Blair: Who cares about plaque or pretentious artists when your best friend is having a meltdown!

The Magnificent Archibalds [2.11]

Chuck: [to Serena] You have my word, for all that's worth.

Chuck: [to Serena] If you're talking about the dress, I say higher.

Blair: She kissed me on the cheek and left a big orange lipstick mark, it looked like I'd been spray tanned!

Blair: He's just like Bill Paxton, only younger, and with scruff.

Serena: You can't get the prize if you don't go deep.

Blair: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.

Chuck: My plans for the evening just got hung up in customs.

Eleanor: This is your family now, get with the program and fast.

Bart: [to Eric] You might want to ask Jonathan what he was doing Friday night.

Blair: Remember, Serena doesn't share!

Serena: Remember, Blair should learn to.

Blair: A woman needs to be with a man who thinks of only her. Anything else is a non-starter. Tell him how you feel. DOROTA! More flour.

Serena: Are you baking already?

Blair: I am so glad to have the house to myself. Cyrus took my mother to dinner, god knows why. Where's Warren Jeffs?

Serena; He's making dinner for us. Which would be completely romantic and amazing, except when I asked him where he was today, he said he was hanging out with a friend. I know I'm probably being neurotic, but all I could think of was, is his friend a girl? A girl he kisses?

Lily: Jenny, he's your father and he loves you. So much. And at least for the next couple years, you belong at home with him.

Jenny: Um, thank you, Mrs. Bass, for letting me stay here and everything, but I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna-

Lily: Well, get some rest. We can talk some more tomorrow.

Lily: I saw your father today.

Jenny: I had a feeling.

Dan: You know that thing in the Spring with Georgina? You two are getting serious. I'm sure you guys talked about that.

Aaron: [pauses] Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely ... I'm gonna go pay for this.

Aaron I just don't see her as complicated ... So would you say they're cheddar people or are they more goaty?

Dan: Mmm. Serena's not that big into cheese. You might wanna go with the Wines of Southern France.

Aaron: Well I guess you don't know her as well as you think you do. She doesn't drink anymore.

Dan: Oh, well, not problematically of course. At least not for ... months.

Aaron: Months?

Dan: Would you do me a favor and say hi to Serena's family for me, 'cause we all spent last Thanksgiving together.

Aaron: Sure, absolutely.

Dan: Except Bart, actually. There was this crazy thing with my dad and her mom and my mom and... I guess like all things in Serena's life it's very complicated.

Aaron: Serena's life is complicated?

Dan: Yeah. I don't know about you but the Serena I know has long, flowing blonde hair, towers over both of us?

Rufus: Aaron, what are you doing here.

Aaron: I live right around the corner, I'm just picking something up to take to ...

Dan: It's alright. I can hear her name.

Rufus: I miss her a lot.

Dan: You know, in all the arguments you two have had, I haven't once heard you tell her that.

Rufus: Oh my God, you're right.

Dan: That's not ... that rare is it?

Dan: You okay with it? Jenny not being with us tonight?

Rufus: If by okay you mean extraordinarily depressed, then yes.

It's a Wonderful Lie [2.12]

Chuck: Dance with me.

Blair: What's the point, Chuck? We're never gonna be them. You said so, remember? It's not for us.

Chuck: Maybe, but I wouldn't change us, not if it meant losing what we have.

Blair: Well, what do we have, Chuck? You tell me.

Chuck: Tonight. So shut up, and dance with me.

O' Brother, Where Bart Thou? [2.13]

Blair: Chuck! Stop! Don't go, or if you have to leave, let me come with you.

Chuck: I appreciate your concern.

Blair: No, you don't. You don't appreciate anything today, but I don't care.Whatever you are going through, I want to be there for you.

Chuck: We have talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.

Blair: But I am me, and you are you. We're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything.

Chuck: Why would you do that?

Blair: Because I love you.

Chuck: Well, that's too bad.

Blair: Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.

Eleanor: How is Charles holding up?

Blair: Who knows? He's not returning any of my calls or texts, but the hotel says that they keep sending up food, so there's something alive in that room.

Nate: You're really sweet with him.

Blair: Me? Sweet? No!

Nate: But you are. I mean worrying about him, offering him food, it's downright maternal.

Blair: I'm not maternal. I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish.

In the Realm of the Basses [2.14]

Gossip Girl: One thing about being on the top of the world.. it gives you a long, long way to fall.

Jack: Chuck, your father wouldn't want this.

Chuck: Fortunately, all I know is what he didn't want.. which is me.

Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass!...No one cares.

Blair: I do! Don't you understand? I'll always be here, I don't want you going anywhere, I couldn't bear it. So whatever you wanna do to yourself, please don't do that to me. Please!

Blair: Hey, Eric, have you seen Chuck?

Eric: A while ago, he said something about wanting to take a view from above.

Jack: He probably meant upstairs.

Blair:: Clearly you don't know Chuck. He has a thing for the roof tops.

Gone with the Will [2.15]

Blair: Your dad left you a letter? You have to read it.

Nate: Yeah, aren't you curious as to what it says?

Chuck: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son. I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"

Blair: [to Chuck] I believed in you. Your father believed in you. You're the only one that didn't. All I wanted to do is just be there but today when you called me your wife, made it sound like the ugliest word in the world.

Lawyer: Now Charles, your Uncle Jack Bass is your closest living relative and, as such, has been named as your legal guardian. Are you comfortable with this?

Chuck: [to Jack] Curfew?

Jack: None.

Chuck: Girls sleeping over?

Jack: Yes, please.

Chuck: I'll allow it.

Gossip Girl: But every once in a while the fate smiles upon you and you get the one thing you really need.

You've Got Yale [2.16]

[Lily and Rufus are kissing]:

Eric: I would say "get a room", but yours is right above mine. Please try to remember that.

Lily: [about Jack] The bastard is untouchable.

Chuck: What shall we do?

Lily: Time to get dirty. I'm all yours.

Chuck: Let me educate you.

Chuck: If your people don't come up with anything, maybe we can try number 26.

Lily: "Crash Jack in plane." The Bass jet is kind of expensive, Charles.

Chuck: There's insurance.

Carnal Knowlege [2.17]

Penelope: This is madness !

Blair: No ! This is Constance !

Chuck: The Ultimate Private Gentleman's club. I walked through this door and it was...

Vanessa: the Chuck Bass' version of Narnia?

Blair: When the truth fails you, you have no choice but to abandon it. Make something up, idiots! With friends like these, who needs friends.

Blair: Ladies, you can get your tiny brains to rest. Once again the world has proven - anything you can do, I can do better.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes the only thing left to do is wrap your arms around each other one last time and then just... let go.

The Age of Dissonance [2.18]

Gossip Girl: Shakespeare says, "All's well that ends well". And sometimes, it just ends.

Gossip Girl: In life, as in art, some endings are bittersweet. Especially when it comes to love. Sometimes fate throws two lovers together only to rip them apart. Sometimes the hero finally makes the right choice but the timing is all wrong. And, as they say, timing is everything.

Blair: The head mistress told me my Yale at fate is sealed, so the question is - how do I make your fate as bleak as mine?

Rachel/Ms. Carr:: I don't know what has happened to me. I... I don't know what I've become. I'm... so sorry.

Blair: Well, you're punishment is... just live with it. I should know. It's not easy.

Blair: Do you know how hard it is to get revenge when your enemy is changing every five minutes?

Dorota: You need to calm nerves and warm vocal cords. You want tea?

Blair: No. I want Dan Humphrey's head on a platter.

Serena: Everything you've done, spreading rumors about who I've had sex with, what alley I puked in or telling Dean Barrowby that I killed Pete Fairman, I forgave everything all because I thought one day you'd grow up. But putting up a Gossip Girl blast about Yale and the press release ...

Blair: Serena, I didn't put out the blast.

Serena: At least have the dignity not to lie to my face.

Blair: But I'm not lying.

Serena: Only two people knew about it, you and Dan. And Dan would never do something like that. I always want to believe the best in you, Blair, but the bottom line is, betrayal's in your nature.

The Grandfather [2.19]

Blair: Do you know how exhausting is being Blair Waldorf in the past 18 years? All the work, all the planning?

Blair: I realized that while we can't tear out a single page of our life, we can throw the whole book in the fire.

Chuck: This isn't you!

Blair: How do you know?

Chuck: Because I know you better than I know myself!

Blair: Thanks for making sure I got home okay.

Nate Archibald: Your welcome. I wanted to make sure you're fine.. which you are so..

[Nate leaves the room - until Blair holds his hand]

Blair: Wait... stay.

Remains of the J [2.20]

Chuck: Friends? That makes total sense. There's no spark between you two. Never was. You're like a green twig and a soggy match, a rusty hammer and an icy nail.

Blair: Nate and I had.. had plenty of spark. Better than that fireworks.

Chuck: That was us.

Blair: You know what I just thinking? Jennifer Aniston is totally fine now. I'm sure Brad doesnt even feel bad anymore.

Nate Archibald: [giggles] Uhh okay.

Blair: I mean, I'm sure there were some colateral damage which is always sad but his fate lay with Angelina, and he knew that. So he had a tough conversation and moved on.

Nate Archibald: This is your way of saying I should break up with Vanessa....? So that me and you can...

Blair: ...embrace our fate, yes.

Blair: Nate was so nice. Being around him wasn't hard, it didn't hurt.. until now. I MISS MY FRIEND, NATE.

Jenny: Maybe Serena was just trying to be nice, but the party that she threw was totally embarrassing. You know, at least last year, it was my face on the cake. And the people at my party might have hated me, but at least they knew who I was. I know that it's hard for you guys to understand. But I like being me. And as crazy as it may seem, I choose not to be a Park Avenue princess. On my birthday, or any other day. No matter what my address might be.

Rufus: OK, who's mess is it?

Dan: All I did was carry the chili and prevent teenagers from having unprotected sex.

Eric: Serena may have had her own motives, I may have helped with the crowd situation with a few inspirational words, but..

Jenny: But I was the one who posted the party on Gossip Girl.

Serena: When this family was just me and Eric, if things got out of control it was a pretty safe bet that it was my fault.

Eric: That's true!

Serena: But as this family grows, so does the pool of suspects. This is not my mess. [leaves]

Serena: Mom, I admit I made a few phone calls. If you want to punish someone for the passed hors d'oeuvres, point the finger here. Guilty as charged. But as far as all the people...

Lily: Oh, and you expect me to believe that Jenny was behind this? After she had me cancel the best caterer in town because she wanted clue and a crock-pot?

Eric: Mum, you could at least make an attempt to mask your distaste.

Blair: Chuck. Don't act like I didn't fight for you. I did. Hard, and for a long time. So please, forgive me if now that we're over, I'm exhausted.

Chuck: So you do it with Nate, cause it's easy?

Blair: I'm not with Nate, but if I was - what's wrong with easy? Maybe it's easy because it's right.

Seder Anything [2.21]

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes [2.22]

Gossip girl: Sometimes a queen has to make a choice...A castle with a white knight or a quest with a dark prince?

[Dan learns that he won't be attending Yale due to financial aid problems. He hears this from Vanessa first before hearing it from his father.]

Vanessa: Do you blame your dad?

Dan: No. I blame the financial aid office, the recession, and a certain imbecile former president.

Serena: [to Blair] I have supported you in all your crazy choices, case and point! [Looks at Chuck] Now would you please have some faith in me for once? I'm going back to my boyfriend, and if you know what's good for you, so will you!

The Wrath of Con [2.23]

Blair: You don't sound like yourself

Georgina: That's funny because I feel more like myself than ever

Blair: Where are you?

Georgina: Taking care of what you obviously couldn't

Blair: I don't think Jesus would approve of that

Georgina: Well, you can tell Jesus the bitch is back

Georgina: I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel

Blair: That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice!

Blair: If you cut revenge out of the Bible, there's not even enough pages to make a pamphlet.

Serena: It doesn't make sense!

Blair: Feelings never do. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.

Blair: Unfortunately for him, the only way your plan is going to work is by some act of God.

Georgina: [Enters through the door as heavenly music starts] Wow, look at that. I'm so glad that everybody's here.

[After a beat, everyone talks at the same time]

Dan: Alright, we need to get this crazy girl out of here.

Serena: Chuck, what is she doing here?

Blair: Are you trying to have me killed?! Bass?!

Chuck: She's fine!

Nate: Shh! Shut up!

Blair: Oh, my God. I am going to scream at somebody right now.

Chuck: Calm down. She has been fine the whole cab ride home.

Serena: Is this how you found out about the night at Butter? You bring Georgina here?!

Georgina: [Answers the phone] Hey, does anyone know a guy named Gabriel?

Chuck: You look like you could use a cocktail.

Blair: You're too late. [Chuck laughs] Wow.

Chuck: What?

Blair: That's the first true laugh I've gotten from you in a while.

Chuck: Listen, Blair-

Blair: No, me first. Nate's waiting for me to give him an answer.

Chuck: I heard.

Blair: But you wanna know what's stopping me? I can't answer his question while I'm waiting for you to answer mine. The one I asked you forever ago. What are we, Chuck?

Chuck: Blair...

Blair: Last fall you said we couldn't be together, and I believed you. But every time I try to move on, you're right there. Acting like-

Chuck: Acting like what?

Blair: Like...maybe you want just want me to be as unhappy as you are.

Chuck: I would never wish that on anyone. I want you to be happy.

Blair: Then looks down deep, into the soul I know you have. Tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it's just a game. If it's real, we'll figure it out, all of us. But if it's not, then please Chuck, just let me go. [Wipes away a tear]

Chuck: [Looks at Blair and considers this as Serena walks in the door and overhears] It's just a game. I hate to loose. You're free to go.

Blair: [Teary-eyed] Thank you! [Leaves]

Serena: [Goes up to Chuck] Chuck why did you just do that?

Chuck: Because I love her, and I can't make her happy

The Goodbye Gossip Girl [2.25]

[Rufus is playing a short melody on his guitar]

Rufus You going to Nate's party?

Dan: Nah, I thought Vanessa and I would hit a movie instead.

[Rufus puts down his guitar.]

Dan: ...and away we go.

Rufus: Alright, it's your last party of high school. Now I know don't love your classmates, but you just shared four years with them. And, I suspect there are maybe a couple people you want to try and stay friends with... or at least one person.

Dan: Yeah, Serena said kinda the same thing. How am I going to get these sage moments of wisdom when I'm in my dorm at NYU?

Rufus: I'll appear to you like Obi-Wan. Now go, young jedi.

[Dan laughs]

Rufus: Have fun.

Blair: What do you think about my coat?

Chuck: I like it... Why?

Blair: And now?

Chuck: Even better.

Blair: And... what about my headband?

Chuck: I... admire it

Blair: And... my stocking?

Chuck: Oh, I adore them.

Blair: My dress?

Chuck: I worship it.

Blair: How do you feel about me? Say it...

Chuck: I...

Blair: Why aren't you in Europe?

Chuck: I was in Paris, but only to get your favourite macaroons from Pierre Hermès

Blair: And Germany?

Chuck: To pick up your favorite Falke stockings, you know how I adore them.

Blair: What are you doing here then?

Chuck: You were right. I was a coward running away again. Everywhere I went, you caught up with me so I have to come back.

Blair: I Wanna believe you, but I can't. You hurt me too many times.

Chuck: You can believe me this time.

Blair: Oh, that's it?

Chuck: I love you too. [They kiss]

Blair: Like, can you say it twice [They kiss again] No, I'm serious, say it twice

Chuck: I love you, I love you, that's three, four, I love you.

Gossip Girl: XOXO, Gossip Girl

Blair: Gossip Girl can be right about you all she wants. But I won't let her be right about me, I will not be weak any more. You can't run. You have to stay here, and hear it this time. Chuck Bass, I love you. I love you soo much, it consumes me. I love you. And I know you love me too. Tell me you love me, and everything we've done, all the gossip, and the lies, and the hurt, will have been for something. Tell me it was for something.

Gossip Girl: Not so fast. You're not graduating until I give you my diplomas. Mine are labels, and labels stick. Nate Archibald: Class whore. Dan Humphrey: The ultimate insider. Chuck Bass: Coward. Blair Waldorf: Weakling. And as for Serena van der Woodsen, after today, you are officially irrelevant. Congratulations, everyone. You deserve it.

Reversals of Fortune [3.01]

Chuck: We could never be boring.

Blair: You say that, but I know you. You're Chuck Bass.

Chuck: I'm not Chuck Bass without you.

Chuck: You're forgetting one simple fact. Sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing?

Dan: I see the cat's out of the bag.

Rufus: And topless on valentino's yacht.

Jenny: Thats not fair. Everyone's topless on Valentinos yacht.

Rufus: What about this one where she's dancing on the table?

Eric: Well, thats what you do in Barcelona.

Rufus: And this one with Prince Harry doing shots off of-

Dan: That's what you do in St. Tropez!

Vanessa: [On Dan's wallet] What is this? Oh, it's where you keep your... hundred dollar bills.

Dan: Do you know how hard it is to break one of those things? I don't know why they even make them.

Blair: Chuck, none of these girls are even worth humiliating, looking in the mirror will do that for them.

Chuck: Is everything ok? What's going on?

Blair: Nothing's going on, why?

Chuck: This is a one stop shop and you're acting like everything's last season. I thought you wanted to play.

Blair: I did! I do.

[Chuck looks at her intensely]

Blair:: I did. The summer was great. We had a lot of fun. Maybe summer's over?

Chuck:: OK. If that's what you want.

Blair:: Is that what you want?

Chuck: I want you to be happy. However, that's achieved.

Gossip Girl: They are a bunch of friends, in which Serena, who slept with Dan, who was sleeping with Vanessa, who slept with Chuck, who slept with Blair, who slept with Nate who slept with Serena.

The Freshman [3.02]

Georgina: My parents said it was either bible camp or college, so... go Bobcats!

Blair: So you're not in love with Jesus anymore.

Georgina: Oh, I still hold him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship.

Blair: You mean he dumped you because he found out you were Satan.

Katie: So was everyone in your high school totally jealous of Dan for being such a great writer?

Blair: Dan's a writer?

Bree: You know if we really started dating, after a few months you'd realize you couldn't stand the way that I laugh, I'd hate the way that you chew, and we'd break up.

Nate: That's a romantic story.

Chuck: Look, sis, for people like us a college degree is just an accessory. Like a Malawi baby or a poodle.

Blair: [Gets into bed while Chuck is asleep and snuggles up to him You were right about the dorms. The lighting is awful. You okay?

Chuck: I am now. [Takes Blair's hand and kisses it]

The Lost Boy [3.03]

Chuck:I came to apologize.

Blair: So apologize.

Chuck: That was it.

Blair: I can't believe you lied to me! Using sex to distract me?!

Chuck: I learned from the best.

Blair: That photograph is mine! [exits]

Chuck: She stole my shoes?

Blair: I want you to have this.

Chuck: Why?

Blair: Because I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.

Dan:You're being pretty open-minded about this whole Georgina thing.

Serena:Well, it's just that I've never been more pleasantly surprised than when I started dating Carter.

Dan:Dating? You're dating Carter Baizen now? Is Chuck not available?

Georgina:Judging by the size of the sock on the doorknob, I didn't want to knock.

Chuck:Finally, what happened in Santorini?

Dan de Fleurette [3.04]

Photographer:Why did you want me to take that girl's picture?

Chuck:Dumbo could always fly. He just needed a magic feather.

Jenny:People change, Chuck.

Chuck:Not you. Not about this. Jenny Humphrey, who used to sit in Brooklyn and look at the lights across the water. Who went toe-to-toe with Blair Waldorf and actually won her respect. You can't tell me that girl still isn't there. Now that the dream is real, you owe it to her to live it.

Jenny:Blair doesn't want me to be queen.

Chuck:Maybe we can make her reconsider

Chuck:Morning, Beautiful.

Blair:NYU is hell!

Chuck:What do you expect from a place where men wear sandals?

Blair: [to nerds] By the way, sandals are not shoes!

Nate:How have you never heard of Olivia Burke?! I thought you lived in Brooklyn, not a cave.

Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass and I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like this.

Blair: It's not how it is.

Chuck: It's exactly how it is. So the next time you forget, you're Blair Waldorf. Remember I'm Chuck Bass and I love you. [kisses her]

Rufus getting married [3.05]

Dan:The toilets in Tokyo talk!

Bree:We're southern, so family loyalty is big down there

Blair:Like slavery! [awkward silence] What? I'm joking.

Lily:What, you know him?

Rufus:Um. Oh, yeah, that was-

Georgina:Your love child! Yup, not dead! Congratulations. It's a boy!

Chuck:I'm giving you a choice. You can go to the wedding, tell Serena the ugly truth. Even if by some chance she can stomach you after that, you still have to deal with Bree, her family, and a little something they like to call Southern justice.

Carter: Or?

Chuck: [To Carter] I'm sick of being your travel agent. This ticket's the last. It's one-way.

Dan: [To Vanessa] Remind me later to kill you. Please.

Enough About Eve [3.06]

Olivia: [To Vanessa] When you talked me out of meeting Dan's parents, you said it was because they looked down at Hollywood people.

Dan: And they probably do now. You were pretty annoying.

Blair: Chuck!

Lily: Chuck is gone.

Blair: But I need to talk to him. I need to explain.

Lily: Blair whatever you needed him to do, do you really think he would have refused you?

Blair: No. He'd never say no. To anything. I messed up, didn't I?

Blair: Are you upset because... you kissed a guy?

Chuck: I'm upset because I kissed somebody that wasn't you... You really think I've never kissed a guy before?

Blair: Love me?

Chuck: Always.

They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They? [3.09]

Blair: Morning! Oh, I see the moving in went well!

Chuck: Hey Blair.

Nate: Blair..

Chuck: Excuse the mess. How was dinner? Did you and Serena worked things out?

Blair: Oh no, she took off immediatly, thank God. Then I had to relieve her for mentor duties. Is that pole artist wearing my agent provocator corset?

Chuck: ...

Blair: Just make sure she's careful under the high hooks, they pinch. I just came to grab a dress for tonight! [Goes to the other room]

Chuck: The last time I saw Blair that freakishly calm...

Nate: ...Was when Serena left for boarding school.

Chuck: And you know as well as I do, the calm won't last. And when it breaks, there are going to be pieces of Blair all over the wall. And I really don't want to clean up that mess.

Nate: What is she and Serena fighting about this time?

Chuck: Basically, how each one loves the other more than the other loves her. [Goes to her bag, takes and hides her phone]

Nate: Can you even fight about that?

Blair: You might want to ring house keeping. Chocolate leaves a stain! Toodles!!

Last Tango, Then Paris [3.22]

Gossip Girl: No matter how far you run, you can never truly escape, everything catches up to you at the end and when it does, it usually kicks your ass.

Lily: Rufus, teenage girls are nightmares. As soon as they realize that you'll love them no matter what they do, you lose all your power. You just have to wait until they finish college. Or in Serena's case, rebel and NOT go.

Dorota: Miss Blair loves the Empire State Building. Even though she doesnt want to and she should just admit it and make all our lives easier.

Dorota: But this is pretty romantic thing he's doing. If not going that means never having Mr. Chuck in your life again. Are you prepared to leave like that?

Blair: Yes, but even if I'm not, if you let me go anywhere near 34 street there won't be a miracle but a massacre. Now put on your walking shoes; we're going on a date.

Serena: What time is it?

Dan: Later than we ever wanted to be …but that would be morning.

Serena: Last night…

Dan: Don't even finish those words, unless… unless they end with ...was a mistake, I mean right?

Serena: Right, my thoughts exactly, I mean we… we're both in relationships.

Dan: Yeah, yeah it was totally meaningless.

Serena: I mean we… just fell sleep.

Dan: Yeah, after a entire bottle of wine, and a lot of taking...

Serena: ...and one kiss.

Dan: Did that even happen? I'm not sure that even happened…

Gossip Girl: I used to think that S and lonely boy were the most boring couple on the Upper East side, but what makes them actually great together… is when they're supposed to be with other people.

Blair: We all try on old clothes, from time to time, may be surprised when they still fit, but that doesn't mean we should wear them again… EVER.

Dan: Absolutely, I don't wanna jeopardize my friendship with Nate, or my relationship with Vanessa, as much as you don't wanna jeopardize your relationship with Nate, or your friendship with Vanessa. Are you friends with Vanessa?

Nate: What your dad did was very wrong Serena…

Serena: That was not for you to decide.

Jenny: Blair, what are you doing here?

Blair: Someone has to give you the smack down you so richly deserve. That it's me who gets to do it is just the cherry on top.

Jenny: Bring it on. I knew when I sent the blast there would be fall out.

Blair: When're you gonna get it? For three years you've tried to worm your way into our world, but you'll never be a part of it, no matter what you do. This isn't copy cat dressing in Constance, or dumping dairy on your best friends head to prove a point, this is Nate and Serena, that's mythic, you don't mess with that and survive, you're hurting people I love, you're hurting people you love…

Jenny: I wasn't trying to…

Blair: Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa “god knows why”, and Chuck loves me, but you Jenny, no one loves you, except your daddy, and after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore… well I guess you'll find out now…

Dan: Blair, life is giving you signs, and you're ignoring them because you're afraid of the thing they're signalling you to do, but then you think, what if the signs are good for a reason and ignoring them makes me a coward?

Blair: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious and the lower class.

Blair: Bye Georgina, may god save your soul… again.

Nate: No, a kiss is not nothing, People don't just kiss because they're upset, people kiss because they have feeling for each other. So do you?

Chuck: Hard way is the only way.

Serena: That baby right there, he's gonna grow up to be smarter than the rest of them, that would make him feel like an outsider…

Dan: oh really? Well… You see that baby there? She's gonna grow up to have fabulous hair, and a great smile, but her daddy issues are gonna make it really hard for her to trust people.

Serena: you wanna take a walk?

Dan: yeah

Georgina: And this baby is gonna do somethings to make all the other babies hate her.

Chuck: Excuse my confusion I didn't expect to see you tonight… or ever again…

Blair: Sorry I was so late

Chuck: I waited

Blair: Dorota went in to labor, she had her baby, I wasn't going to show up, I was resolved not to, every bone try to slow me, every voice in my head screamed don't…

Chuck: but…

Blair: …but I didn't listen, I followed my heart because I love you, I can't deny that our path has been complicated, but in the end love makes everything simple…

Jenny: I'm trying to forget some things, too. Mostly how happy I thought I'd be once I made it in this world.

Chuck: The world you're looking for only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it... is because I always knew it was empty.

Jenny: Yeah. And now I know, too. I found out the hard way.

Chuck: The hard way is the only way.

Jenny: I wanted to wait, I wanted it to be special…

Blair: …this night is perfect

Chuck: oh… there's one thing that would make it even better… I'm so sorry, for the pain I cause you, and I know that I can't take it back but I want to make it up to you, even if it takes me the rest of my life… Blair, will you...

[Dan punches Chuck on the face]

Blair: HUMPHREY, what are you doing? Have you lost your mind? What the hell are you doing?

Dan: You, tell her

Blair: Tell me what? What's going on? [Looks at Jenny and Dan and understands] You didn't.

Chuck: Blair...

Blair: You did... [To Jenny] You, get out of here now, and not just out of this hospital but off this island, go and never come back, cause if you ever set one foot in Manhattan ever again, I'll know and I'll destroy you.

Belles de Jour [4.01]

Blair: I really need my friend right now. I've been acting like I'm okay, but I'm not. They say it's a broken heart, but... I hurt in my whole body. I mean, what if I stay like this forever? What if I never get over Chuck?.

Serena: You will. You'll see.

Double Identity [4.02]

Blair: Just because you're dressed poorly doesn't mean you're not Chuck Bass.

Chuck: Why would I wanna be him ?

Blair: You should've told me you got shot.

Chuck: I'm surprised you didn't shoot me yourself.

Blair: I have. Many times. In my dreams. The good ones.. But if you were really hurt, i would wanna know.

Chuck: When I woke up, my ID was gone. Nobody knew who I was, nobody was coming to look for me. I realized that I might be alive but Chuck Bass doesn't have to be.

Blair: Changing your name doesn't change who you are.

Chuck: It's a good start. A chance to live simply, earn people's respect. Maybe become a person someone could love.

Blair: Someone did love you. And you owe it to her and everyone else you are leaving behind not to run away, which is what you're doing. And I don't think that great man you're talking about wanting to be.. is a coward. I think he would face up to what he did.

Chuck: I destroyed the only thing I ever loved.

Blair: I don't love you anymore. But it takes more than even you to destroy Blair Waldorf.

Chuck: Your world would be easier if i didn't come back.

Blair: That's true. But it wouldn't be my world without you in it.

Gossip Girl: Any time the rules change you don't know how they change you.

Serena: I know more than anyone what it’s like to want to reinvent yourself. But just because people are mad at you doesn’t mean you should disappear. My mom is really worried about you.

Chuck: I’m sure she’ll come to celebrate my absence. As will all the people who’ve wished me dead since the day I was born.

Serena: I know things were bad in New York, but if you don’t come home you’ll lose the Empire, you’ll lose everything you ever cared about.

Chuck: I lost the only thing I cared about. They can have everything else.

Chuck: [Through a note] I'd rather have nothing than be Chuck Bass.

Touch of Eva [4.04]

Chuck: I know what you did Blair. It was despicable even for you. Do you hate me so much you can't stand to see me happy?

Blair: No!

Chuck: So why did you drive the person I care most about out of town?

Blair: Eva left? Chuck, I never meant to—

Chuck: Make her leave me? Of course you did. I need to know why. Is it possible you still love me?

Blair: How could I still love you after what you did?

Chuck: So you did it just to hurt me. Eva made me into someone I was proud to be. You just brought back my worst self. This means war Blair.

Blair: Chuck.

Chuck: Me versus you. No limits.

Easy J [4.06]

Blair: [After finding Chuck at her door] If you're here to deliver any further humiliation Dorota can sign for it.

Chuck: Jenny was right. If we keep going we'll end up dead and I like myself too much to let that to happen. I assume you feel the same way.

Blair: About myself, more. What do you suggest?

Chuck: A truce.

Blair: Why don't you just sky-write the word 'double cross'? It'll be more subtle.

Chuck: Look, we can keep blaming each other for what happened that night or we can admit a harder truth. It was no one's fault. It was fate. Tragedy.

Blair: If Serena hadn't kissed Dan then Nate wouldn't have been at the hospital looking for her. And Jenny wouldn't have come looking for Nate...

Chuck: If Dorota hadn't gone into labor...

Blair: Maybe everything would be different. But it's not.

Chuck: We're holding onto the pain because it's all we have left. But we don't have to. We have a choice.

Blair: [Sighs deeply and extends her hand] Truce? [Chuck takes her hand and after a few seconds she pulls away] You can see yourself out.

Chuck: I know the way.

War at the Roses [4.07]

Gossip Girl: But it's the true warrior who knows that wars don't end. They simply change. And there can never be peace as long as guns are still loaded and there's plenty of ammunition.

Blair: What are you still doing here, Chuck? I threw you out hours ago.

Chuck: I wanted to let you know the treaty is over.

Blair: Fine with me. This pretense of civility was exhausting.

Chuck: Being amicable isn't in our blood. I've realized we're not friends. Friends have to like each other and after what happened tonight, I could never like you.

Blair: I could never like you either, in fact, I hate you.

Chuck: I've never hated anyone more.

Blair: Every nerve ending in my body is electrified by hatred.

Chuck: There is a fiery pit of hate inside me, ready to explode.

Blair: So it's settled, then?

Chuck: We're settled.

[Chuck tears up the treaty. Chuck and Blair kiss and proceed to have sex on Blair's grand piano]

Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore [4.08]

Juliet: I have proof that Serena Van der Woodsen is having an affair with her professor.

Dean Reuther: Miss Sharp, I am with friends. This is the one night of the year I can try to put everything else out of my mind and enjoy myself.

Blair: [Enters with Nate, Serena and Collin] Dean Reuther, may I please have a moment with you?

Dean Reuther: Of course you're involved with this Miss Waldorf, I told you and Miss Van der Woodsen to stay off my radar.

Juliet: Dean Reuther I am not lying.

Collin: What's going on?

Dean Reuther: Nothing that concerns you professor, or concerns anyone for the moment.

Juliet: Actually it does concern Collin, he was the one in the photos with Serena.

Dean Reuther: Is that why you resigned your position today?

Collin: While it's true that I resigned because of my involvement with a student, it's nobody's business who that student is. All that matters is that the responsibility is mine and I took it, by leaving my post.

Dean Reuther: That's somewhat admirable, Collin, and while usually it's the professor in the professor student relationship that takes propriety, if that student is under the suspicion of trading sex for grades in the past, I think we might need to examine the situation a little more closely.

Vanessa: Let me get my camera.

Juliet: [Sticks out the flashdrive] Here, look as close as you like.

Blair: [Takes the flashdrive] Let me help you with that. [Drops it in her glass of champagne] Whoops. You didn't wanna look at those photos anyway because it wasn't Serena in them. It was me.

Serena: Blair, you don't have to do this.

Blair: Why would I jeopardize my college career by lying? [To the Dean] So, go ahead, fire Collin. Oh wait, he already quit. So let's just go in and enjoy some jeté. Allegro.

Chuck: [Comes up from behind Blair] If I could say something. I for one can fully corroborate Miss Waldorf's story. She was indeed having an affair with Professor Forrester. I know this because I keep tabs on everyone Blair sees and talks to, due to my insatiable jealousy. Though she did state something to the effect that he didn't quite satisfy her like I used to.

Blair: It's true.

Juliet: Don't you see? They're all protecting each other.

Vanessa: This is what they always do.

Dean Reuther: [To Vanessa] I'm sorry. Who are you? [To Juliet] Miss Sharp, the reality is that with no proof I can't tell who is telling the truth.

Juliet: Yeah, well there was proof! Until Blair drowned it.

Dean Reuther: Juliet, I don't like tattletales much more than I like young women who use their sexuality to further their academic careers. So if you will please excuse me, I'm going to try my best to to enjoy this performance. Which, hopefully, is a little more graceful than the one I've just seen. Good evening.

[Collin has just told Juliet that he is cutting her off. Serena, Blair, Chuck and Nate are now surrounding Juliet]

Serena: Now it's our turn.

Chuck: You're obsession with Serena has grown tiresome.

Blair: Just because you have no money and delusions of grandeur, does not make it okay for you to be a single white trash female.

Juliet: Nate, this isn't me. You know that.

Nate: How would I ever believe anything you say again.

Blair: Well you can believe the part where she does her own hair.

Serena: You tried to destroy my friendship with Blair, my reputation, my academic career...

Chuck: You failed every time, and now it's time for you to go.

Juliet: I'm trying to.

Nate: He's talking about Columbia.

Blair: You don't belong there anyway.

Chuck: If we catch you hanging around there again there will be consequences.

Blair: And we're really good at payback.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: One ugly duckling exiled. Let's hope she doesn't turn into a black swan.

The Witches of Bushwick [4.09]

Gossip Girl: Looks like the battle between Brooklyn and Upper East Side has finally come to a head. Word has it: Lonely Boy and Golden Boy both declared their love. They gave Cinderena up to midnight to decide. That Carolina Herrera dress makes her look like an angel but this decision is demonic... and the forces of evil are just getting started.

Chuck: [After Blair has been turned down for Anne Archibald's charity because of her relationship with Chuck] I'll give you the money to start whatever foundation you want.

Blair: It won't change anything. Anne's right. As long as I'm with you I'm Hillary in the White House. And I want to be Hillary, Secretary of State but... with better hair.

Chuck: Then you'll find another way to show the world you're a force to be reckoned with. We'll build our futures together.

Blair: I followed my heart all last year and it led me nowhere. Now I need to follow my head.

Chuck: You don't need to chose between them. Look at Brad and Angelina. They take turns on top.

Blair: Yeah, but she won an Oscar first. I'm sorry, but I have to be Blair Waldorf before I can be Chuck Bass' girlfriend.

Chuck: I love you.

Blair: I love you too. [Pause] I don't expect you to wait.

Chuck: If two people were meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back.

Blair: Do you really believe that?

Chuck: I do.

Blair: So do I.

I Am Number Nine [5.06]

Blair: What are you doing here? I don’t have the energy to rehash tonight’s hysterics. I think you should leave.

Chuck: I’m not here to apologize about what happened tonight.

Blair: Then what are you here to apologize for?

Chuck: Everything else. I’m sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you. I’m sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building. I’m sorry for treating you like property. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you when I knew I did. Most of all I’m sorry that I gave up on us when you never did.

Blair: Thank you. I hope never giving up on people isn’t going to be my downfall.

Chuck: That’s why you’re going to be an amazing mother. You’re always there for the people you love. Even when they don’t deserve it.

Blair: You know that’s never going to change.

Chuck: It’s okay if it has to. Starting tonight I’m going to take care of myself.

Blair: Is that all?

Chuck: [Pauses] Yeah.

Rhodes to Perdition [5.09]

Chuck: Dr. Krueger thought you were upset I returned the ring.

Blair: He has too many PhDs. They cancel each other out and make him a moron.

Chuck: I returned it because you asked me to let you go. I wanted to move on to give you the happy life you deserve.

Blair: All this time, I've blamed you for pulling me into the dark. But I was wrong. It was me who brought out your dark side. And now that I'm with Louis, I've done the same to him. I'm sorry.

Chuck: You never pulled me to the dark side, Blair.

Blair: I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I have my answer.

Chuck: You were the lightest thing that ever came into my life.

Blair: Then... why did it take letting me go to find this whole new side of yourself?

Chuck: I only turned dark and desperate because I was afraid of losing you. Your love kept me alive.

Blair: But you survived without me.

Chuck: The worst thing happened, and I didn't die. But I had to find a new way to move on with my life. I only want you to be happy. I'm just sorry it couldn't be with me.

Riding in Town Cars with Boys [5.10]

Blair: [On the phone with Chuck] Do you think you could love another man's child?

Chuck: Why are you asking me this?

Blair: I'm...paralyzed. I can't move, I can't breathe... You have to help me.

Chuck: I can't make this decision for you, Blair. You're the one that has to live with it.

Blair: But what's the right choice, Chuck?

Chuck: I can't imagine it would be a mistake to marry to father of your child. Right?

Blair: What's going on? Did you have something to do with this?

Chuck: No. Dan arranged it for us.

Blair: What "us"?

Chuck: The us I should have fought for when you called. The us that is not just you and me, but you, me and your baby.

Blair: Then w-why did you tell me choose Louis?

Chuck: I thought it was selfish if I was the one to tell you to break up your family.

Blair: That was the moment you chose not to be selfish?

Chuck: Timing has never been our strong suit. I had it all wrong. Just because Louis is the father of your baby, does not mean you should be with him, you should be with me.

Blair: Why?

Chuck: Because I'm going to love your baby as much as I love you.

The End of the Affair? [5.11]

Blair: [to Chuck] Just because we can't be together, doesn't mean I won't love you.

G.G [5.13]

Blair: What are you doing here?

Chuck: Trust me, the last thing I wanted to do was show up today, but even your own mother seems to think we need to talk.

Blair: Well, what I need is for you to—

Chuck: Don't marry him.

Blair: Chuck.

Chuck: Don't marry him.

Blair: All those people out there are waiting for me.

Chuck: Yes, they are. But they also want you to be happy, which you're not going to be if you go through with this. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll leave. [Blair stays silent] You can't. Because it should be us up there and you know it.

Blair: It's not that simple.

Chuck: It's only that simple, you told me you loved me and I know that was true.

Blair: It is! Of course I love you, Chuck. I've always loved you. I love you more and more every day if it's even possibly to love someone that much.

Chuck: Get out of here with me, right now. We can go anywhere, just as long as we're together.

Blair: I know you don't understand and I don't expect you to. But even if I weren't with Louis... I couldn't be with you. Just know that... not living with you is the hardest thing I've ever done. But at least I have someone who loves me by my side. You should find someone who loves you too.

Chuck: I have. She's standing right in front of me.

Blair: I know it sounds crazy, but I really am doing this for you.

Cross Rhodes [5.16]

Serena: We both know if you have feelings for someone, nothing else in the world matters.

Blair: That's not true. We're not servants to our emotions. We can control them, suppress them, stomp them out like bugs.

It Girl, Interrupted [5.19]

Aidan: They do not have parties like this in Florida.

Lola: They barely have dental hygiene in Florida.

Blair: [wearing a pink dress, walking toward The Met with Dan] I feel like a prom queen doing the walk of shame.

Dan: You look like a princess. Now I'm not gonna lie. [Holding a crown] This is cubic zirconia that I got from a costume shop. But you'll sell it.

Blair: Cubic zirconia does not touch this body.

The Return of The Ring [5.24]

Blair: I love you. I'm in love with you. I've tried to kill it, to run away from it, but I can't... I don't want to anymore.

Chuck: So what?

Blair: So now we can be together. It's not what you want?

Chuck: It was. Before I lost everything.

Chuck: I always put you first. And you bet against me every time. Now I have nothing.

Blair: You have me.

Chuck: It's not enough. I need a future.

Blair: Than let me be part of it.

Chuck: I dont't want to be Mr. Blair Waldorf. I'm Chuck Bass.

Blair: [to Chuck, at the casino in Monaco] You fought for me all year. I've come to fight for you.

Casino dealer: Will you be joining the game?

Blair: You said I always bet against you. But this time I'm all in.

Monstrous Ball [6.05]

Blair: So the whole time you refused to speak to me for choosing Chuck, you were cheating on me with Serena.

Dan: It was only once, and you heard the tape, she manipulated me into it.

Blair: In order to claim date rape, you have to say no.

Dan: She told me, you chose Chuck. Which turns out, wasn't even a lie, you just didn't have the decency to tell me yourself.

Blair: I intended to. But I respected you enough not to sleep with him until I did. I thought Chuck sleeping with Jenny was the most despicable thing someone could do to me. But this is worse, because you pretended to be better. At least I ended up with the right person.

Dan: You ended up with no one. Chuck is never going to be finished fighting with his father and that ring around your neck? Never going to be on your finger.

Blair: I would rather be with no one than with you.

It's Really Complicated [6.08]

Blair: Did someone order a thanksgiving spread?

Chuck: You just cost my dimwitted doorman his holiday bonus.

Blair: Don't blame him. I told him you called for a stripper and obviously, I'm a convincing one. I've come to kidnap you and bring you to Serena and Dan's Thanksgiving.

Chuck: I'm not going anywhere you are, unless you want me to call security.

Blair: Don't be a Grumpy Gus. Bart and Lilly won't be there. Come on, let's get you cleaned up.

Chuck: What part of our last conversation do you not understand. As long as I cannot defeat my father, we can never be together.

Blair: Just because we can't live happily ever after, doesn't mean we can't have a little fun once in a while.

Chuck: We made a pact. Need I remind you, what that means?

Blair: But it's been too long since Monaco. Pocahontas needs her John Smith.

Chuck: I always thought of myself as a more John Rolfe kind of man.

Blair: That's my Chuck. You can play both, after dinner.

Chuck: And you're sure Lilly and Bart are gone?

Blair: They are. And now, so is my appetite. When was the last time you showered?

Chuck: Only if you'll join me.

Serena: [Reading Dan's chapter on her] "Serena is nothing, she's a golden shell. give her love and she'll do anything you want."

Dan: Serena, I know you're upset-

Serena: "With daddy issues like these, it's not hard to push the right buttons and once you do, the most powerful girl on the upper East Side has no power at all." I would understand if you had written this in the spring. You were so mad at me then. Why would your write this now?

Dan: Why-why not now? It's no less true than it was then.

Serena: I'm confused. So, has everything that's happened since Cotillion been a lie? The Vespa? The bar? Did you ask someone to stop the elevator?

Dan: Vanya...I told him I was trying to win you back. But everything I've said...about how I feel is the truth.

Serena: That's not possible. That doesn't make sense. You couldn't say these things about me if you loved me. I invited you into my home, Dan, and my world. And then you just humiliate me.

Dan: That is the issue. "My world."

Serena: Oh come on! It's a figure of speech.

Dan: No, it has always been your world and you've never let me forget it. I've always been a visitor. The poor kid from Brooklyn who you've never seen as an equal to you.

Serena: Okay, so this is your payback. Do you feel better about riding the subway to school since you made a fool of me to everyone?

Blair: Are you okay?

Serena: I don't know. But you can gloat. You were right.

Blair: For the first time ever I'm sorry I was. Well, ninety percent of me is sorry. Ten percent of me is glad I was right.

Serena: Thanksgiving is ruined once again.

Blair: Are you kidding? What is Thanksgiving without a side of drama? And pie. Apple or pumpkin?

Serena: Both.

Blair: I just got your text. What happened?

Chuck: Lily has finally seen the light. She's going to help me take down Bart. Will you go to war with me?

Blair: I thought you'd never ask.

New York, I Love You XOXO [6.10]

Jack: So, you kill him [Bart] or not? Cause if you didn't running sure makes it looks like you did.

Blair: Chuck did nothing wrong.

Chuck: That's not entirely true. I didn't help him. Who shoved who first, who got hit, I don't even remember.

Blair: It was self defense. Bart tried to kill you on that plane.

Chuck: I saved myself and I fought back. I don't feel guilty but it doesn't mean I'm not. Anyway, Bart made it clear, he owns Captain Donelly.

Blair: [To Jack] Can you help us get out of here? A nice deserted island with no extradition treaties. [To Chuck] We don't need money, we can, live off the land.

Jack: As much as I'd love to see you spear fishing in a coconut bikini, I uh, I had another thought. Were there cameras up on that roof?

Chuck: Bart turned them off.

Blair: Because he was going to kill you.

Jack: So who saw you up there?

Chuck: Him and Blair.

Blair: And I won't say a word, even if they torture me, I won't speak.

Jack: I, ah, I actually had a different kind of torture in mind. Marriage! Spousal privilege means a wife cannot be forced to testify against her husband.

Chuck: Not like this Blair.

Blair: Why not? We're in love and one way or another, we both achieved our goals. And every trembling bone in my tired and scared body wants to marry you.

Jack: It's twisted but it's uh very...you. [Leaves]

Blair: Jack is right. Chuck and Blair hold hands. Chuck and Blair go to the movies. You said you never wanted us to be boring, well we definitely aren't that now.

Chuck: I was a stupid, child when I said those things. [Stands up and slowly removes the engagement ring from Blair's necklace] Life with you...could never be boring. [Gets down on one knee] Blair Cornelia Waldorf, will you marry me?

Blair: [Through tears of joy] Yes. Yes, I will. [They kiss]

Cyrus: [Officiating the wedding ceremony] Do you, Chuck take Blair to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Chuck: Three words, eight letters.

Cyrus: Blair, do you take Chuck to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Blair: One word, three letters. Yes!

Cyrus: Then, by the power vested in me by the great state of New York, I now pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride!

Gossip Girl/Dan Humphrey:[Dan's final chapter, revealing Gossip Girls Identity.] The Upper East Side was like something from Fitzgerald or Thackeray. Teenagers acting like adults. Adults acting like teenagers, guarding secrets, spreading gossip, all with the trappings of truly opulent wealth. And membership in this community was so elite, you couldn’t even buy your way in. It was a birth right. A birth right I didn’t have, and my greatest achievements would never earn me. All I had to compare to this world was what I'd read in books but that gave me the idea. If I wasn’t born into this world – maybe I could write myself into it. I overheard enough conversations to be able to mimic the language of the Constance girls but every writer needs his muse. And it wasn’t until that photo of Serena in that white dress that I knew I had something strong enough to actually create a legend and launch a website. Within weeks, I was getting dozens of emails with stories about Upper East Siders, so I posted them anonymously, and then I got more. Before long, it was a monster– everyone was sending tips. And when Serena came back from boarding school, I wrote my first post about me: Lonely Boy, the outsider, the underdog. I might have been a joke, but at least people were talking about me.

[The series' last lines]

Gossip Girl: You may be rid of Dan Humphrey, but you'll never be rid of me. There will always be someone on the outside wanting to get in. Who am I now? That's one secret I'll never tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl.