The North Remembers [2.01]

[Tyrion enters the Small Council Chamber, whistling "The Rains of Castamere"]

Tyrion Lannister: Don't get up! More ravishing than ever, Big Sister! War agrees with you! [Kisses Cersei on the cheek.] Excuse the interruption. Carry on.

Cersei Lannister: What are you doing here?

Tyrion Lannister: It's been a... remarkable journey! I pissed off the edge of the Wall. I slept in a sky-cell. I fought with the Hill-tribes! So many adventures, so much to be thankful for!

Cersei Lannister: What are you doing here? This is the Small Council.

Tyrion Lannister: Yes, well, I do believe the Hand of the King is welcome at all Small Council meetings.

Cersei Lannister: Father is Hand of the King!

Tyrion Lannister: Yes. But in his absence...

[He hands a small scroll to Varys, who unrolls it]

Varys: Your father has named Lord Tyrion to serve as Hand in his stead while he fights.

Cersei Lannister: OUT! All of you, out!

[The rest of the Council leaves hastily as Cersei storms around the table towards Tyrion.]

Cersei Lannister: I would like to know how you tricked Father into this!

Tyrion Lannister: If I were capable of tricking Father, I'd be emperor of the world by now. You brought this on yourself.

Cersei Lannister: I've done nothing.

Tyrion Lannister: Quite right, you did nothing when your son called for Ned Stark's head. Now the entire North has risen up against us.

Cersei Lannister: I tried to stop it.

Tyrion Lannister: Did you? You failed. That bit of theatre will haunt our family for a generation.

Cersei Lannister: Robb Stark is a child.

Tyrion Lannister: Who's won every battle he's fought! Do you understand we're losing the war?

Cersei Lannister: What do you know about warfare?

Tyrion Lannister: Nothing. But I know people, and I know that our enemies hate each other almost as much as they hate us.

Cersei Lannister: Joffrey is King.

Tyrion Lannister: Joffrey is King.

Cersei Lannister: You are here to advise him.

Tyrion Lannister: Only here to advise him. And if the King listens to what I say, the King might just get his uncle Jaime back.

Cersei Lannister: How?

Tyrion Lannister: You love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality. That and your cheekbones. The Starks love their children as well, and we have two of them.

Cersei Lannister: One.

Tyrion Lannister: One?

Cersei Lannister: Arya, that little animal, she disappeared.

Tyrion Lannister: Disappeared? What, in a puff of smoke?! We had three Starks to trade. You chopped one’s head off, and let another escape. Father would be furious. Must be hard for you, to be the disappointing child.

Jaime Lannister: The King in the North. I keep expecting you to leave me in one castle or another for safekeeping, but you drag me along from camp to camp. Have you grown fond of me, Stark? Is that it? I've never seen you with a girl.

Robb Stark: If I left you with one of my bannermen, your father would know within a fortnight, and my bannermen would receive a raven with a message: "Release my son and you'll be rich beyond your dreams. Refuse, and your house'll be destroyed, root and stem."

Jaime Lannister: You don't trust the loyalty of the men following you into battle?

Robb Stark: Oh, I trust them with my life, just not with yours.

Jaime Lannister: Smart, boy. What's wrong? Don't like being called boy? Insulted?

[Jaime sees Robb's direwolf, Grey Wind, stalking around the cage.]

Robb Stark: You insult yourself, Kingslayer. You've been defeated by a boy. You're held captive by a boy. Perhaps you'll be killed by a boy.

[Grey Wind enters the cage doorway and stands quietly next to Robb.]

Robb Stark: Stannis Baratheon sent ravens to all the High Lords of Westeros. King Joffrey Baratheon is neither a true King, nor a true Baratheon. He's your bastard son.

Jaime Lannister: Well, if that's true, Stannis is the rightful King. How convenient for him.

Robb Stark: My father learned the truth. That's why you had him executed.

Jaime Lannister: I was your prisoner when Ned Stark lost his head.

Robb Stark: Your son killed him so the world wouldn't learn who fathered him and you... you pushed my brother from a window because he saw you with the Queen.

Jaime Lannister: You have proof? Or, do you want to trade gossip like a couple of fishwives?

Robb Stark: I'm sending one of your cousins down to King's Landing with my peace terms.

Jaime Lannister: You think my father's going to negotiate with you? You don't know him very well.

Robb Stark: No, but he's starting to know me.

Jaime Lannister: Three victories don't make you a conqueror.

Robb Stark: It's better than three defeats.

Robb Stark: I offer your cousins peace, if they meet my terms. First, your family must release my sisters. Second, my father's bones must be returned to us, so that he may rest beside his brother and sister in the crypts beneath Winterfell. And the remains of all those who died in his service must be returned also, that their families can honor them with proper funerals.

Alton Lannister: An honorable request, your Grace.

Robb Stark: Third, Joffrey and the Queen Regent must renounce all claim to dominion of the North. From this time to the end of time, we are a free and independent kingdom.

Northern Lords: The King in the North!

Robb Stark: Neither Joffrey nor any of his men shall ever set foot in our lands again. If he disregards this command, he shall suffer the same fate as my father...only I won't need a servant to do my beheading for me!

Alton Lannister: [stammering] Your Grace...these are...

Robb Stark: These are my terms! If the Queen Regent and her son meet them, I'll give them peace. If not, I will litter the south with Lannister dead.

Alton Lannister: King Joffrey is a Baratheon, Your Grace.

Robb Stark: Is he?

The Night Lands [2.02]

Tyrion Lannister: I don't like threats.

Varys: Who threatened you?

Tyrion Lannister: I'm not Ned Stark, I understand the way this game is played.

Varys: Ned Stark was a man of honor.

Tyrion Lannister: And I am not. Threaten me again and I'll have you thrown into the sea!

Varys: You might be disappointed in the results. The storms come and go, the big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on paddling.

Salladhor Saan: One thing. I want the Queen.

Davos Seaworth: The Queen?

Salladhor Saan: Cersei. I want her. I'll sail with your fleet, all thirty of my ships, and if we don't drown at the bottom of Blackwater Bay, I'll fuck this blond queen and I'll fuck her well.

Mathos Seaworth: This war isn't about you. We're not attacking King's Landing so that you can rape the Queen!

Salladhor Saan: I'm not going to rape her, I'm going to fuck her.

Mathos Seaworth: As if she would just let you.

Salladhor Saan: You don't know how persuasive I am. I never tried to fuck you.

Matthos Seaworth: Stannis is the rightful King and the Lord of Light!

Salladhor Saan: I've been all over the world, my boy, and everywhere I go people tell me about the "true god". They all think they found the right one. The one true God is what's between a woman's legs, and better yet a Queen's legs. [Matthos walks away as Salladhor turns to Davos] I never thought you'd have a true believer for a son.

Davos Seaworth: Ah, he's young yet. I promise you the gold. I promise you the glory. I cannot promise you the Queen.

Salladhor Saan: You believe your king can win?

Davos Seaworth: He is the one, true king.

Salladhor Saan: You Westerosi are funny people. A man chops off your fingers and you fall in love with him! I'll sail with you, Davos Seaworth. You're the most honest smuggler I ever met. Make me rich.

Davos Seaworth: Get me to the gates of King's Landing, and I will.

Tyrion Lannister: I heard there was some trouble in Littlefinger's brothel the other night.

Janos Slynt: Nasty business. Had to be done.

Tyrion Lannister: Yes, of course. The City Watch must keep the peace. Only I hadn't realized peace depended on killing babies.

Janos Slynt: Orders are orders.

Tyrion Lannister: Quite right, especially the Queen's orders.

Janos Slynt: I never said they were the Queen's orders.

Tyrion Lannister: No, but who else would want to murder King Robert's bastards? She's always been a jealous woman.

Janos Slynt: You know your sister better than I do.

Tyrion Lannister: You've heard the awful rumors about my brother and sister.

Janos Slynt: I don't listen to filth.

Tyrion Lannister: Well, that's good of you, but you have heard them. I suppose people who do believe that filth consider Robert's bastards to be better claimants to the Throne than Cersei's children.

Janos Slynt: Joffrey is my King. The rest doesn't interest me.

Tyrion Lannister: I appreciate your loyalty. Tell me, when your men slaughtered Ned Stark's men in the throne room, did you give the order?

Janos Slynt: I did, and I would again. The man was a traitor, he tried to buy my loyalty.

Tyrion Lannister: The fool. He had no idea you were already bought.

Janos Slynt: Are you drunk? I'll not have my honor questioned by an imp!

Tyrion Lannister: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos, I'm denying its existence.

Janos Slynt: If you think I'll stand here and take this from you, dwarf...

Tyrion Lannister: "Dwarf"? You should've stopped at "Imp"! And, yes, you will stand here and take it from me, unless you'd like to take it from my friend here!

[Janos looks to his right and sees Bronn standing there, grinning]

Tyrion Lannister: I intend to serve as Hand of the King until my father returns from the war. And since you betrayed the last Hand of the King, well, I just wouldn't feel safe with you lurking about.

Janos Slynt: What are you...my friends at court will not allow this! The Queen herself...

Tyrion Lannister: The Queen Regent! And you're a fool to believe she is your friend.

Janos Slynt: We shall hear what Joffrey has to say about this!

Tyrion Lannister: No, we shan't. [Nods to Bronn, who nods to four Gold-Cloaks marching into the room] There's a ship leaving for Eastwatch-by-the-Sea tonight. From there, it's rather a long walk to Castle Black. I hope you enjoy the Wall. I found it surprisingly beautiful. In a brutal, horribly uncomfortable sort of way.

Bronn: The lads will escort you. The streets aren't safe at night, my Lord.

Janos Slynt: These men are under my command! I command you to arrest this cutthroat!

Tyrion Lannister: His name is Bronn, and he is the new Commander of the City Watch.

Bronn: Boys?

[The Gold Cloaks seize Lord Janos and lead him out of the room.

Janos Slynt: I have friends at court! Powerful friends! The King himself made me a Lord.

Tyrion Lannister: To the new Commander. [They toast and drink] If I told you to murder an infant girl, say, still at her mother's breast, would you do it, without question?

Bronn: Without question? No. I'd ask how much.

Cersei Lannister: Lord Janos Slynt was Commander of the City Watch. You had no right to exile him!

Tyrion Lannister: I have every right. I am the King's Hand.

Cersei Lannister: You're serving as the King's Hand until Father gets here. I am the Queen Regent.

Tyrion Lannister: Listen to me, Queen Regent, you're losing the people. Do you hear me?

Cersei Lannister: The people? You think I care?

Tyrion Lannister: You might find it difficult to rule over millions who want you dead. Half this city will starve when winter comes, the other half will plot to overthrow you...and your gold-plated thugs just gave them their rallying cry. "The Queen slaughters babies!" You don't even have the decency to deny it! It wasn't you who gave the order, was it? Joffrey didn't even tell you? Did he tell you? I imagine that would be even worse.

Cersei Lannister: He did what needed to be done. You want to be Hand of the King? You want to rule? This is what ruling is, lying on a bed of weeds, ripping them out by the root, one by one, before they strangle you in your sleep.

Tyrion Lannister: I'm no king, but I think there's more to ruling than that.

Cersei Lannister: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK! You've never taken it seriously. You haven't, Jaime hasn't. It's all fallen on me.

Tyrion Lannister: As has Jaime repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon.

Cersei Lannister: You're funny. You've always been funny...but none of your jokes will ever match the first one, will they? Do you remember, back when you ripped my mother open on your way out of her and she bled to death?

Tyrion Lannister: She was my mother too.

Cersei Lannister: Mother gone, for the sake of you. There's no bigger joke in the world than that.

What Is Dead May Never Die [2.03]

Bran Stark: Every night it's the same: I'm walking, running, but I'm not me. I'm running through the Godswood, sniffing the dirt, tasting blood in my mouth when I've made a fresh kill, howling. Old Nan used to tell me stories about magical people who could live inside stags, birds, wolves.

Maester Luwin: That's exactly what they were, Bran: stories.

Bran Stark: So she was lying? They don't exist?

Maester Luwin: Well, they may have done, but they're gone from the world along with much else. These are dreams, Bran, nothing more.

Bran Stark: No. My dreams are different. Mine are true. I dreamt of my father dying and Rickon had the same dream.

Maester Luwin: What about all the dreams you had that didn't come true? [removes a link from his chain] This link is made of Valyrian steel. Only one Maester in a hundred wears it on his chain. It signifies that I have studied the higher mysteries, and all who study these mysteries try their hand at spells. I was not different. I was young and what boy doesn't secretly wish for special powers to lift him out of his dull life into a special one, but in the end, for all of my efforts, I got no more out of it than a thousand boys before me. Come on. [tucks Bran back to bed] Maybe magic once was a mighty force in the world, but not anymore; the dragons are gone, the giants are dead, and the children of the forest forgotten.

Balon Greyjoy: What are our words? [Theon hesitates] Our words?

Theon Greyjoy: "We Do Not Sow"

Balon Greyjoy: "We Do Not Sow". We are Ironborn. We're not subjects, we're not slaves. We do not plow the fields or toil in the mines. We take what is ours. Your time with the wolves has made you weak.

Theon Greyjoy: You act as if I volunteered to go. You gave me away if you remember. The day you bent the knee to Robert Baratheon. After he crushed you. Did you take what was yours then? [Balon slaps Theon] You gave me away! Your boy! Your last boy! You gave me away like I was some dog you didn't want anymore, and now you curse me because I've come home!

Cersei Lannister: You monster! Myrcella is my only daughter. Do you really think I will let you sell her like a common whore?

Tyrion Lannister: Myrcella is a princess. Some would say she was born for this.

Cersei Lannister: I will not let you ship her off to Dorne as I was shipped off to Robert Baratheon!

Tyrion Lannister: Dorne is the safest place for her.

Cersei Lannister: Are you mad? The Martells loathe us.

Tyrion Lannister: That's why we need to seduce them. We're going to need their support in the war your son started.

Cersei Lannister: She'll be a hostage.

Tyrion Lannister: A guest.

Cersei Lannister: You won't get away with this. You think the piece of paper father gave you keeps you safe? Ned Stark had a piece of paper too.

Tyrion Lannister: It's done, Cersei.

Cersei Lannister: No.

Tyrion Lannister: You cannot stop it!

Cersei Lannister: No!

Tyrion Lannister: Just how safe do you think Myrcella is if the city falls? Do you want to see her raped and butchered like the Targaryen children? Make no mistake, they will mount her pretty little head on a spike right beside yours.

Cersei Lannister: Get out! [Pushes Tyrion back onto the stairs] Get out!

Varys: Power is a curious thing, my lord. Are you fond of riddles?

Tyrion Lannister: Why, am I about to hear one?

Varys: Three great men sit in a room; a king, a priest and a rich man. Between them stands a common sellsword. Each great man bids the sellsword kill the other two. Who lives, who dies?

Tyrion Lannister: Depends on the sellsword.

Varys: Does it? He has neither crown, nor gold, nor the favour of the gods.

Tyrion Lannister: He has a sword, the power of life and death.

Varys: But if it's swordsmen who rule, why do we pretend kings hold all the power? When Ned Stark lost his head, who was truly responsible? Joffrey? The executioner? Or something else?

Tyrion Lannister: I've decided I don't like riddles.

Varys: Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick, a shadow on the wall, and a very small man can cast a very large shadow.

Garden of Bones [2.04]

Roose Bolton: Five Lannisters dead, for every one of ours. We've nowhere to keep these prisoners. We have barely enough food to feed our own.

Robb Stark: We're not executing prisoners, Lord Bolton.

Roose Bolton: Of course, Your Grace. The officers will be useful. Some of them may be privy to Tywin Lannister's plans.

Robb Stark: I doubt it.

Roose Bolton: Well, we'll learn soon enough. In my family, we say: "A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man none."

Robb Stark: My father outlawed flaying in the North.

Roose Bolton: We're not in the North...

Robb Stark: We're not torturing them!

Roose Bolton: The high road's very pretty, but you'll have a'hard time marching your army down it.

Robb Stark: The Lannisters hold prisoners of their own. I won't give them an excuse to abuse my sisters.

Tyrion Lannister: What is the meaning of this? What kind of knight beats a helpless girl?

Meryn Trant: The kind who serves his king, Imp!

Bronn: Careful now, we don't want to get blood all over your pretty white cloak.

Tyrion Lannister: Someone get the girl something to cover herself with. [Sandor Clegane gives Sansa his cloak] She's to be your Queen. Have you no regard for her honour?

Joffrey Baratheon: I'm punishing her.

Tyrion Lannister: For what crimes? She did not fight her brother's battle, you halfwit!

Joffrey Baratheon: You can't talk to me like that! The king can do as he likes!

Tyrion Lannister: The Mad King did as he liked. Has your Uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?

Meryn Trant: No one threatens His Grace in the presence of the Kingsguard!

Tyrion Lannister: I'm not threatening the king, ser. I'm educating my nephew. Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?!

Tyrion Lannister: I apologize for my nephew's behavior. Tell me the truth. Do you want an end to this engagement?

Sansa Stark: I am loyal to King Joffrey, my one true love.

Tyrion Lannister: Lady Stark. You may survive us yet.

Stannis Baratheon: Lady Stark, I had not thought to find you in the Stormlands.

Catelyn Stark: I had not thought to be here, Lord Stannis.

Renly Baratheon: Can that truly be you?

Stannis Baratheon: Who else might it be?

Renly Baratheon: When I saw your standard, I couldn't be sure. Whose banner is that?

Stannis Baratheon: My own.

Renly Baratheon: I suppose if we use the same one, the battle will be terribly confusing. Why is your stag on fire?

Melisandre: The king has taken for his sigil the fiery heart of the Lord of Light.

Renly Baratheon: Ah, you must be this fire priestess we hear so much about. Ah brother, now I understand why you found religion in your old age!

Stannis Baratheon: Watch yourself, Renly!

Renly Baratheon: No, no, I'm relieved. I never really believed you were a fanatic; charmless, rigid, a bore, yes, but not a godly man.

Melisandre: You should kneel before your brother. He is the Lord's Chosen, born amidst salt and smoke.

Renly Baratheon: 'Born amidst salt and smoke'? Is he a ham?

Stannis Baratheon: That's twice I've warned you.

Catelyn Stark: Listen to yourselves! If you were sons of mine, I would knock your heads together and lock you in a bedchamber together until you remember you're brothers.

Stannis Baratheon: It is strange to find you beside my brother, Lady Stark. Your husband was a supporter of my claim; Lord Eddard's integrity cost him his head. And you sit beside this pretender and chastise me?

Catelyn Stark: We share a common enemy!

Stannis Baratheon: The Iron Throne is mine by right. All those who deny that are my foes.

Renly Baratheon: The whole realm denies it, from Dorne to the Wall. Old men deny it with their death rattles and unborn children deny it in their mothers' wombs. No one wants you for their king. You never wanted any friends, brother, but a man without friends is a man without power.

Stannis Baratheon: For the sake of the mother who bore us, I will give you this one night to reconsider. Strike your banners, come to me before dawn and I will grant you your old seat on the Council. I'll even name you my heir, until a son is born to me. Otherwise I shall destroy you.

Renly Baratheon: Look across those fields, brother. Can you see all those banners?

Stannis Baratheon: You think a few bolts of cloth will make you king?

Renly Baratheon: No. The men holding those bolts of cloth will make me king!

Stannis Baratheon: We shall see, Renly. Come the dawn, we shall see.

Melisandre: Look to your sins, Lord Renly. The night is dark and full of terrors.

[Renly watches them leave.]

Renly Baratheon: Would you believe? I loved him once.

Lancel Lannister: I am a Knight!

Tyrion Lannister: An anointed Knight, yes. Tell me, did Cersei have you knighted before or after she took you into her bed? [Lancel is dumbstruck] What? Nothing to say? No more warnings for me, Ser?

Lancel Lannister: You will withdraw these filthy accusations!

Tyrion Lannister: Have you ever given any thought to what King Joffrey will have to say when he finds out you have been bedding his mother?

Lancel Lannister: It's not my fault!

Tyrion Lannister: Did she take you against your will? Can you not defend yourself, Knight?

Lancel Lannister: Your own father, Lord Tywin, when I was named the King's squire, he told me to obey her in everything!

Tyrion Lannister: Did he tell you to fuck her, too?

Lancel Lannister: I only meant, I did as I was bid. I...

Tyrion Lannister: Hated every moment of it, is that what you'll have me believe? A high place in court, a knighthood, my sister's legs spreading open for you at night! Oh yes, it must have been terrible! Wait here, His Grace will want to hear this.

Lancel Lannister: Mercy! Mercy, my Lord! I beg you!

Tyrion Lannister: Save it for Joffrey; he loves a good grovel.

Lancel Lannister: My Lord, it was your sister's bidding, the Queen. I'll leave the city at once, I swear.

Tyrion Lannister: No, I think not.

Lancel Lannister: My Lord?

Tyrion Lannister: You heard me. My father told you to obey my sister. Obey her. Stay close to her side. Keep her trust. Pleasure her whenever she requires. No one ever need know as long as you keep faith with me. I want to know what Cersei is doing, where she goes, who she sees, what they talk of, everything and you will tell me.

Lancel Lannister: [kneels] Yes, my lord, I will. I swear it as you command.

Tyrion Lannister: Oh rise, rise. Let us drink to our understanding. Oh, you don't have a cup. Oh, well. Smile, cousin. My sister is a beautiful woman. And it's all for the good of the realm. Go back and tell her that I beg her forgiveness, that I want no more conflict between us and that henceforth I shall do nothing without her consent.

Lancel Lannister: But, her demands...

Tyrion Lannister: Oh, I'll give her Pycelle.

Lancel Lannister: You will?

Tyrion Lannister: Yes, I'll release him in the morning. Cersei can keep him as a pet if she wants, but I will not have him on the council. I could swear that I had not harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true.

The Ghost of Harrenhal [2.05]

Margaery Tyrell: [looking at Renly's corpse] He was very handsome.

Petyr Baelish: He was, Your Grace.

Margaery Tyrell: "Your Grace". Calling yourself King doesn't make you one. If Renly wasn't a King, I wasn't a Queen.

Petyr Baelish: Do you want to be a Queen?

Margaery Tyrell: No. I want to be the Queen.

Stannis Baratheon: What is it?

Davos Seaworth: I'm sorry about your brother, Your Grace. I wanted to let you know people grieve for him.

Stannis Baratheon: Fools love a fool. I grieve for him as well, for the boy he was, not the man he grew to be.

Arya Stark: [about Robb] They call him 'The Young Wolf'.

Tywin Lannister: And?

Arya Stark: They say he rides into battle on the back of a giant direwolf. They say he can turn into a wolf himself when he wants. They say he can't be killed.

Tywin Lannister: And do you believe them?

Arya Stark: No, my lord. Anyone can be killed.

Brienne of Tarth: Once you're safely back amongst your own people, will you give me leave to go, My Lady?

Catelyn Stark: You mean to kill Stannis.

Brienne of Tarth: I swore a vow.

Catelyn Stark: But Stannis has a great army around him. His own guards are sworn to keep him safe.

Brienne of Tarth: I'm as good as any of them. I should never have fled.

Catelyn Stark: Renly's death was no fault of yours. You served him bravely.

Brienne of Tarth: I only held him that once as he was dying.

Catelyn Stark: He's gone, Brienne. You serve nothing and no one by following him into the earth. Renly's enemies are Robb's enemies as well.

Brienne of Tarth: I do not know your son, My Lady, but I could serve you if you would have me. You have courage. Not battle courage perhaps, but, I don't know, a woman's kind of courage. And I think that when the time comes, you will not hold me back. Promise me that you will not hold me back from Stannis.

Catelyn Stark: When the time comes, I will not hold you back.

Brienne of Tarth: [Draws her sword and places it on he ground, kneeling] Then I am yours, My Lady. I will shield your back and will give my life for yours if it comes to that. I swear it by the Old Gods and the New.

Catelyn Stark: [Holds Brienne's hand] I vow that you shall always have a place in my home and at my table, and that I shall ask no service of you that might bring you dishonor. I swear it by the Old Gods and the New.

The Old Gods and the New [2.06]

Joffrey Baratheon: [After barely escaping the angry mob] Traitors! I'll have all their heads!

Tyrion Lannister: Oh, you blind, bloody fool!

Joffrey Baratheon: You can't insult me!

Tyrion Lannister: We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!

Joffrey Baratheon: Y-you can't...

Tyrion Lannister: I can, I am!

Joffrey Baratheon: They attacked me!

Tyrion Lannister: They threw a cow pie at you! So you decided to kill them all!? They're starving, you fool! All because of the war you started!

Joffrey Baratheon: YOU'RE TALKING TO A KING!!!

Tyrion Lannister: [slaps Joffrey] And now I've struck a king! Did my hand fall from my wrist? Where is the Stark girl?

Joffrey Baratheon: Let them have her!

Tyrion Lannister: If she dies, you'll never get your uncle Jaime back. You owe him quite a bit, you know.

[Theon and Dagmer barge in, waking Bran from his sleep.]

Theon Greyjoy: I've taken your castle!

Bran Stark: Theon?

Theon Greyjoy: It's Prince Theon now. Get up! You have to get dressed. I've taken Winterfell. I took it. I'm occupying it. I sent men over the walls with grappling claws and ropes.

Bran Stark: Why?

Theon Greyjoy: To take the castle.

Bran Stark: You went with Robb.

Theon Greyjoy: And he sent me back to Pyke. I'm a Greyjoy. I can't fight for Robb and my father both. Where's Hodor?

Bran Stark: I don't know.

Theon Greyjoy: [To Dagmer] Find the halfwit. My men are bringing your people into the courtyard.

Bran Stark: Why?

Theon Greyjoy: So you and I can go down and tell them how you've yielded Winterfell to me.

Bran Stark: I won't!

Theon Greyjoy: Yes you will.

[Bran hoists himself up.]

Bran Stark: I won't! I'll never yield. I'll fight you and throw you out.

Theon Greyjoy: The castle is mine but these people are still yours. You'll yield to keep them safe. To keep them alive. That's what a good lord would do. Think carefully about what you want to say.

Bran Stark: Theon. [Theon turns back to Bran.] Did you hate us the whole time?

Theon Greyjoy: Ser Rodrik! I sentence you to death!

Bran Stark: No! You said no harm would come to them if I yielded!

Theon Greyjoy: The old man couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Maester Luwin: I urge you not to make a hasty decision.

Theon Greyjoy: He disrespected me in front of my men! That was his decision, not mine.

Maester Luwin: He's worth more to you alive than dead. The Starks will pay. Please, Theon, think on what you do.

Theon Greyjoy: You'll address me as Prince Theon, or you'll be next.

Dagmer Cleftjaw: Come!

[The Ironborn drag Rodrik across the courtyard to the block as the crowd protests.]

Bran Stark: No!

Rickon Stark: No!

Bran Stark: Theon! Please! Rodrik! Please stop, please!

Rodrik Cassel: He who passes the sentence should swing the sword!

Bran Stark: I'm begging you!

Rodrik Cassel: Coward!

[Theon pauses, then nods to the Ironborn, who force Rodrik to kneel; Theon motions Dagmer back and draws his sword]

Bran Stark: STOP! Stop right now!

Theon Greyjoy: You don't give commands anymore, little Lord.

Bran Stark: Please stop!

Rodrik Cassel: Hush now, child. I'm off to see your father.

Bran Stark: You said no harm would come! You said no harm would come to them, please!

Theon Greyjoy: Any last words, old man?

Rodrik Cassel: Gods help you, Theon Greyjoy. Now, you are truly lost.

Bran Stark: Please don't! I'll do anything! Please!

Rickon Stark: No, please stop it!

[Theon swings his sword but it takes him three more strikes and a kick to finally behead Rodrik.]

Daenerys Targaryen: I am Daenerys Stormborn, of the blood of Old Valyria and I will take what is mine, with fire and blood!

[Robb Stark learns that Theon Greyjoy has betrayed him and seized Winterfell]

Robb Stark: This cannot be true.

Roose Bolton: We've had ravens from White Harbour, Barrowtown and the Dreadfort, my lord. I'm afraid it is true.

Robb Stark: Why? Why would Theon...

Roose Bolton: Because the Greyjoys are treasonous whores.

Robb Stark: My brothers?

Roose Bolton: We've heard nothing of them...but Rodrik Cassell is dead.

Catelyn Stark: I told you, never trust a Greyjoy!

Robb Stark: I must go north at once.

Roose Bolton: There's still a war to win, Your Grace!

Robb Stark: How can I call myself 'King' if I can't hold my own castle? How can I ask men to follow me if...

Roose Bolton: You are a king! And that means you don't have to do everything yourself.

Catelyn Stark: Let me go and talk to Theon.

Robb Stark: There will be no talk, he will die for this!

Roose Bolton: Theon holds the castle with a skeleton crew. Let me send word to my bastard at the Dreadfort; he can raise a few hundred men and retake Winterfell before the new moon. We have the Lannisters on the run; if you march all the way back north now, you lose what you gained. My boy would be honoured to bring you Prince Theon's head.

Robb Stark: Tell your son Bran and Rickon's safety is paramount. And Theon...I want him brought to me alive. I want to look him in the eye and ask him why, and then I will take his head myself!

Daenerys Targaryen: WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?

A Man Without Honor [2.07]

Jorah Mormont: I shouldn't have left you alone with these people.

Daenerys Targaryen: These people?

Jorah Mormont: They are not to be trusted.

Daenerys Targaryen: Who is to be trusted? Who are my people? The Targaryens? I only knew one: my brother, and he would have let a thousand men rape me if it would have gotten him the crown. The Dothraki? Most of them turned on me the day that Khal Drogo fell from his horse.

Jorah Mormont: Your people are in Westeros.

Daenerys Targaryen: The people in Westeros don't know I'm alive!

Jorah Mormont: They will soon enough.

Daenerys Targaryen: And then what? They'll pray for my return? They'll wave dragon banners and shout my name? That's what my brother believed and he's a fool.

Jorah Mormont: You are not your brother. Trust me, Khaleesi.

Daenerys Targaryen: There it is: trust me. And it's you I should trust, Ser Jorah? Only you? I don't need trust any longer. I don't want it and I don't have room for it.

Jorah Mormont: You are too young to be so...

Daenerys Targaryen: And you are too familiar!

Jorah Mormont: Forgive me, Khaleesi. No one can survive in this world without help. No one. Let me help you, please. Tell me how.

Daenerys Targaryen: Find my dragons.

Tywin Lannister: Wolfsbane, a rare substance. This is no common assassin.

Gregor Clegane: We hung twenty men last night.

Tywin Lannister: I don't care if you hanged a hundred. A man tried to kill me. I want his name, and I want his head.

Gregor Clegane: We think it was an infiltrator, from the Brotherhood Without Banners.

Tywin Lannister: A pretentious name for a band of outlaws. We can't allow rebels behind our lines to harass us with impunity; we look like fools, and they look like heroes. That's how kings fall. I want them dead, every one.

Gregor Clegane: Killing them isn't the problem. It's finding them.

Tywin Lannister: You gone soft, Clegane? I always thought you had a talent for violence. Burn the villages, burn the farms. Let them know what it means to choose the wrong side.

Tyrion Lannister: It's just you, me and Joffrey, the "Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm".

Cersei Lannister: I'm sure you'll make a point eventually.

Tyrion Lannister: He needs to start acting like a king! This war you started is coming to our doorstep and if the entire city wants Joffrey dead...

Cersei Lannister: I'm not the one giving the boy whores to abuse!

Tyrion Lannister: I thought the girls might help him.

Cersei Lannister: Did you?

Tyrion Lannister: I was wrong! If we can't control him...

Cersei Lannister: Do you think I haven't tried? He doesn't listen to me!

Tyrion Lannister: [nodding] It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head.

Cersei Lannister: I always hoped he'd be like Jaime. He looks like him, in a certain light.

Tyrion Lannister: The boy's more Robert than Jaime.

Cersei Lannister: Robert was a drunken fool, but he didn't enjoy cruelty. Sometimes, I wonder...

Tyrion Lannister: What?

Cersei Lannister: If this is the price for what we've done. For our sins.

Tyrion Lannister: Sins? The Targaryens...

Cersei Lannister: Wed brother and sister for hundreds of years, I know. It's what Jaime and I would say to each other in our moments of doubt. It's what I told Ned Stark when he was stupid enough to confront me. Half the Targaryens went mad, didn't they? What's the saying? "Every time a Targaryen is born, the gods flip a coin."

Tyrion Lannister: You've beaten the odds. Tommen and Myrcella are good, decent children, both of them.

Jaime Lannister: Come to say goodbye, Lady Stark? I believe it's my last night in this world. [looks at Brienne] Is that a woman?

Catelyn Stark: Do you hear them out there? They want your head.

Jaime Lannister: Well, old Lord Karstark doesn't seem to like me.

Catelyn Stark: You strangled his son with your chains.

Jaime Lannister: Oh, oh. Was he the one on guard duty? He was in my way. Any knight would have done the same.

Catelyn Stark: You are no knight. You have forsaken every vow you ever took.

Jaime Lannister: So many vows. They make you swear and swear. Defend the King, obey the King, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak. But what if your father despises the King? What if the King massacres the innocent? It's too much. No matter what you do, you're forsaking one vow or another. Where did you find this beast?

Catelyn Stark: She is a truer knight than you will ever be, Kingslayer.

Jaime Lannister: Kingslayer. And what a king he was! Here's to Aerys Targaryen, the second of his name, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, and to the sword I shoved in his back!

Catelyn Stark: You are a man without honor.

Jaime Lannister: Do you know I've never been with any woman but Cersei? So in my own way, I have more honor than poor old dead Ned. What was the name of the bastard he fathered?

Catelyn Stark: Brienne.

Jaime Lannister: No, that wasn't it. Snow, a bastard from the North. Now when, when good old Ned came home with some whore's baby, did you pretend to love it? No. You're not very good at pretending. You're an honest woman. You hated that boy, didn't you? How could you not hate him? The walking, talking reminder that the honorable Lord Eddard Stark fucked another woman.

Catelyn Stark: [to Brienne] Your sword.

The Prince of Winterfell [2.08]

Theon Greyjoy: You should be proud of your brother's achievement. I took the great castle of Winterfell with 20 men.

Yara Greyjoy: You're a great warrior. I saw the bodies above your gates. Which one gave you the tougher fight, the cripple or the six-year-old?

Theon Greyjoy: I treated the Stark boys with honor and they repaid me with treachery.

Yara Greyjoy: You treated them with honor by butchering them?

Theon Greyjoy: Before I had to kill them, I treated them...

Yara Greyjoy: You seized their home, as is your right. We're Ironborn; we take what we need.

Theon Greyjoy: Exactly.

Yara Greyjoy: Then you made them prisoners in their home and they ran away. Is that treachery? I'd call it bravery.

Theon Greyjoy: They made me a promise–

Yara Greyjoy: Your little boy prisoners made you a promise and you got mad when they broke it? Are you the dumbest cunt alive?

Theon Greyjoy: Don't call me a–

Yara Greyjoy: A cunt. A dumb cunt who killed the only two Starks in Winterfell. You know how valuable those boys were?

Theon Greyjoy: If I hadn't killed them, the Northerners would think me weak.

Yara Greyjoy: You are weak. And you're stupid.

Davos Seaworth: I understand why the older families look down at me.

Stannis Baratheon: Do you? Why?

Davos Seaworth: My father was a crabber.

Stannis Baratheon: And?

Davos Seaworth: Sons of lords don't like to break bread with sons of crabbers; our hands stink.

Stannis Baratheon: And where were those lords when Storm's End starved?!

Davos Seaworth: Many fought bravely for your brother. Many fought for the Mad King.

Stannis Baratheon: You defend these men who insult you behind your back.

Davos Seaworth: Some are happy to do it to my face.

Stannis Baratheon: We were forgotten. Robert and Ned Stark, they were the heroes, the glorious rebels. Marching from battle to battle, liberating towns from the yoke of the Mad King while I held Storm's End with 500 men.

Davos Seaworth: No one's forgotten, your Grace.

Stannis Baratheon: No? Robert did. He gave Storm's End to Renly after the war. Renly never fought a day in his life!

Davos Seaworth: He was only a boy.

Stannis Baratheon: Then why give him Storm's End? First, we ate the horses. We weren't riding anywhere, not with the castle surrounded. We couldn't feed them, so fine. The horses, then the cats. I've never liked cats, so fine. I do like dogs, good animals, loyal, but we ate them too. Then the rats. The night before you slipped through, I thought my wife was dying. She couldn't speak anymore, she was so frail. And then you made it through the lines, slipped right through in your little black sail boat with your onions...

Davos Seaworth: And some potatoes. Some salted beef, I believe.

Stannis Baratheon: Every man at Storm's End wanted to kiss you that night.

Davos Seaworth: I was relieved they did not.

Stannis Baratheon: Robert told me to hold Storm's End, so I held it. Then he told me he was giving it to Renly, so I gave it up. Insult or no, I gave it up because Robert was my older brother and he was the king and I've always done my duty. But now, I am the rightful king by every law of Westeros. And when I sit the Iron Throne, you will be my Hand.

Davos Seaworth: Your Grace, I pray I serve you well.

Stannis Baratheon: I expect you'll be the first crabber's son to wear the badge.

Cersei Lannister: Do you think I'm an idiot?

Tyrion Lannister: I'd say you possess above average intelligence...

Cersei Lannister: You shipped off my only daughter. Now you want to send my eldest son to the battlefield to die?

Tyrion Lannister: He'll have his Kingsguard protecting him, he has the finest armour gold can buy; he needs to be out there. The men will fight more fiercely seeing their King fighting beside them, instead of hiding behind his mother's skirts.

Cersei Lannister: Do you know why Varys is so dangerous?

Tyrion Lannister: Because he has thousands of spies in his employ? Because he knows everything we do before we do it?

Cersei Lannister: Because he doesn't have a cock.

Tyrion Lannister: Neither do you.

Cersei Lannister: Perhaps I'm dangerous, too. You, on the other hand, are as big a fool as every other man. That little worm between your legs does half your thinking for you.

Tyrion Lannister: It's not that little. [Cersei laughes humourlessly] Why are you laughing?

Cersei Lannister: Because I'm happy!

Tyrion Lannister: And why are you happy?

Cersei Lannister: Because I have your little whore.

Tyrion Lannister: I thought you preferred blondes.

Cersei Lannister: Such a droll little fellow. Tell me, have you married this one yet? No? Good, Father will be so pleased!

Tyrion Lannister: Why do you care who I fuck?

Cersei Lannister: Because a Lannister always pays her debts. You stole my daughter, you plot to have Joffrey killed.

Tyrion Lannister: This is madness. Stannis will be here in days, you need me.

Cersei Lannister: For what? Your skill in battle? Pretty thing, your whore. Lovely body; the bruises will heal in time...

Tyrion Lannister: Where did you find her?

Cersei Lannister: Varys isn't the only one who hears whispers. Really, a Lannister lion necklace? You need to hide your secret whores more carefully.

Tyrion Lannister: You've forgotten the most important thing about whores...

Cersei Lannister: Oh? Well, you're the expert, tell me.

Tyrion Lannister: You don't buy them, you only rent them.

Cersei Lannister: You're usually a better liar, baby brother. This one you like. You like her very much. Could it be love? Don't worry, she'll be treated gently enough... unless Joffrey is hurt, and then every wound he suffers, she'll suffer too. And if he dies, there isn't a man alive who could advise a more painful death for your little cunt.

Tyrion Lannister: And how do I know you haven't killed her already?

Cersei Lannister: You'd like to see her? I thought you might. Ser Mandon, bring in my brother's whore.

[Two Kingsguard knights drag in a beaten Ros]

Tyrion Lannister: I'm sorry they hurt you. You must be brave. I promise, I will free you.

Ros: Don't forget me.

Tyrion Lannister: Never.

[the knights drag her out. Tyrion turns to face a grinning Cersei]

Tyrion Lannister: I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you are safe and happy and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth... and you will know the debt is paid.

Cersei Lannister: Get out.

Joffrey Baratheon: You're the Master of Whisperers. You're supposed to know everything.

Varys: No man can be in all rooms at all times. I have many little birds in the North, My Lord, but I haven't heard their songs since Theon Greyojoy captured Winterfell.

Joffrey Baratheon: The Stark forces are distracted. Now is the time to strike.

Tyrion Lannister: To strike? My dear nephew, you do see these men preparing the walls for siege? You do understand Stannis Baratheon sails this way?

Joffrey Baratheon: If my uncle Stannis lands on the shores of King's Landing, I'll ride out to greet him.

Tyrion Lannister: A brave choice, Your Grace. I'm sure your men will line up behind you.

Joffrey Baratheon: They say Stannis never smiles. I'll give him a red smile, from ear to ear.

[He walks away]

Tyrion Lannister: Imagine Stannis's terror!

Varys: (deadpan) I am trying.

Tyrion Lannister: The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?

Varys: In the Summer Isles, they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats.

Tyrion Lannister: We should sail there immediately.

Blackwater [2.09]

I have faith in the Lord of Light. I have faith in our cause. And I have faith in my captain.

Joffrey Baratheon: If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought.

Tyrion Lannister: That would make me the "Quarter Man"; just doesn't have the same ring to it. Cut me in half and I won't be able to give the signal. No signal, no plan. No plan and Stannis Baratheon sacks this city, takes the Iron Throne, puts your pinched little head atop a gate somewhere. It might be quite amusing, except my head would be up there too! I've never much liked my head, but I don't want to see it removed just yet.

Tyrion Lannister: Can I get you some iced milk and a nice bowl of raspberries, too?

Sandor Clegane: Eat shit, Dwarf.

Tyrion Lannister: You're on the wrong side of the wall!

Sandor Clegane: I lost half of my men. The Blackwater's on fire.

Joffrey Baratheon: Dog, I command you to go back out there and fight!

Tyrion Lannister: You're Kingsguard, Clegane. We must beat them back, or they're going to take this city! Your King's city!

Sandor Clegane: Fuck the Kingsguard! Fuck the city! Fuck the King!

Tyrion Lannister: Men, form up! Men! Men! They say I'm half a man, but what does that make the lot of you?

Lannister Soldier: The only way out is through the gates, and they're at the gates!

Tyrion Lannister: There's another way out; I'm going to show you. We'll come out behind them and fuck them in their arses! [the men laugh] Don't fight for your king and don't fight for his kingdoms! Don't fight for honour, don't fight for glory, don't fight for riches, because you won't get any! This is your city Stannis means to sack, that's your gate he's ramming! If he gets in, it'll be your houses he burns, your gold he steals, your women he'll rape. Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!

Tywin Lannister: The battle is over; We have won!

Valar Morghulis [2.10]

Stannis Baratheon: You said you saw my victory in the flames.

Melisandre: I did. I still see it.

Stannis Baratheon: The flames lied. And I'm no better than a savage, trusting in a fire god! I fought for your god in Blackwater Bay. I led my men to the gates of the Seventh Hell as their brothers burned alive and for what? An attack from behind by Tywin Lannister and the Tyrells? If you see so much in your flames, why didn't you warn me?

Melisandre: The Lord of Light only allows me glimpses.

Stannis Baratheon: You claim to speak for a god!

Melisandre: Will you quit the war just because you've lost a battle?

Stannis Baratheon: You talk about war as if you understand it.

Melisandre: I've been fighting far longer than you.

Stannis Baratheon: Have you? Show me how you fight! [Stannis seizes Melisandre by the throat and starts throttling her] Show me! Where is your god now? Will he save you? Where is your god?!

Melisandre: Inside you.

Stannis Baratheon: I murdered my brother!

Melisandre: We murdered him. Share the weight with me.

Stannis Baratheon: He wasn't your brother.

Melisandre: This war has just begun. It will last for years. Thousands will die at your command. You will betray the men serving you, you will betray your family, you will betray everything you once held dear...and it will all be worth it, because you are the Son of Fire, you are the Warrior of Light. You will sweep aside this pretender and that one; you will be king.

Theon Greyjoy: I will kill that man. I don't care how many arrows they feather me with, how many spears they run through me, I will kill that horn-blowing cunt before I fall!

Maester Luwin: They want you to know you're surrounded.

Theon Greyjoy: I know I'm surrounded. I know that because I stood on the battlements and saw I was surrounded.

Maester Luwin: They don't want you to sleep. They want to sap your spirit before...

Theon Greyjoy: Thank you, wise bald man! Thank you for explaining siege tactics to me. [The horn blows again.] No word from my father?

Maester Luwin: No.

Theon Greyjoy: Send more ravens.

Maester Luwin: You killed all the ravens.

Theon Greyjoy: The first time I saw Winterfell...[Theon trails off as he hears the horn blow again.] The first time I saw Winterfell, it looked like something that had been here for thousands of years, and would be here for thousands of years after I was dead. I saw it and I thought, "Of course Ned Stark crushed our rebellion and killed my brothers. We never stood a chance against a man who lives here."

Maester Luwin: Lord Stark went out of his way to make it your home.

Theon Greyjoy: Yes I know my captors were so very kind to me, you love reminding me of that! Everybody in this frozen pile of shit has loved reminding me of that. You know what it's like to be told how lucky you are to be someone's prisoner? To be told how much you owe them? And then to go back home to your real father... [Theon begins to shed tears as the horn blows again.] I will kill that man! I swear to the Drowned God, the old gods, the new gods, TO EVERY FUCKING GOD IN EVERY FUCKING HEAVEN, I WILL KILL THAT MAN!

Maester Luwin: Theon, listen to me. I serve Winterfell. Now Winterfell is yours. I'm bound by oath to serve you.

Theon Greyjoy: And what's your counsel, trusted friend?

Maester Luwin: Run. Five hundred Northmen wait outside the walls, you have 20 men. You can't win. Wait for nightfall and run.

Theon Greyjoy: There's nowhere to run. I'll never make it back to the Iron Islands. And even if I did, even if by some miracle I slipped through the lines and made it home, I'll be a coward. The Greyjoy who ran. The shame of the family.

Maester Luwin: [In a gentle tone.] Don't go home. Join the Night's Watch. Once a man has taken the black, he is beyond reach of the law. All his past crimes are forgiven.

Theon Greyjoy: I won't make it to the wall. I won't make it ten feet past the Winterfell gates.

Maester Luwin: There are ways. Hidden passageways built so the Lords of Winterfell could escape. The road will be dangerous. But with a little luck...The Night's Watch is an ancient, honorable order. You'll have opportunities there.

Theon Greyjoy: The opportunity for Jon Snow to cut my throat in my sleep!

Maester Luwin: The opportunity to make amends for what you've done.

Theon Greyjoy: I've done a lot, haven't I? Things I never imagined myself doing.

Maester Luwin: I've known you for many years, Theon Greyjoy. You're not the man you are pretending to be. Not yet.

Theon Greyjoy: You may be right. I've gone too far to pretend to be anything else.

[Bran, Rickon, Osha, and Hodor find a wounded Luwin amid the dead in the courtyard]

Bran Stark: Tell us what medicine to get from your chambers.

Rickon Stark: We'll make you better.

Maester Luwin: I feel just fine.

Bran Stark: They burned it down. They burned everything.

Maester Luwin: Not everything. Not you. But they may come back. You have to go. Put on your warmest clothes, pack as much food as you can carry, and go north.

Osha: North is the wrong way. Their mother and brother are south.

Maester Luwin: We don't know where. There are too many enemies in the south. Go to the wall, to Jon. He'll look after you and let your mother know you're safe.

Bran Stark: I don't want to leave you.

Maester Luwin: No more than I want to leave you. I pulled you into the world. Both of you. I've seen both your faces almost every day since, and for that I consider myself very, very lucky. Go now with Hodor. Go on. I'll be right here. [Bran and Rickon leave with Hodor.] Osha, you must protect them. You're the only one who can. You may have to protect them against your own kind.

Osha: I have no great love for my own kind. I'll get you milk of the poppy. Tell me where to find it.

Maester Luwin: I don't want milk of the poppy.

[Maester Luwin nods toward the dagger Osha is carrying]

Maester Luwin: Do it quickly.

[A horn sounds, Sam smiles.]

Samwell Tarly: It's Jon and the Halfhand, they're back!

[He is interrupted by a second horn blast.]

Grenn: Two blasts is Wildlings!

Dolorous Edd: You're not fighting them alone, come on!

[As they start to move towards the Fist, there is a third blast, and they freeze, horrified.]

Grenn: Three blasts.

Dolorous Edd: RUN!

Samwell Tarly: Wait! Wait for me! Grenn! Edd!

[White walkers and wights swarm around the rock]