List of Malcolm in the Middle episodes
Malcolm in the Middle is an American television sitcom that ran on the Fox Network from January 9, 2000 to May 14, 2006, after 7 seasons and 151 episodes.
Series overview
| Season | Episodes | Originally aired | |||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| First aired | Last aired | ||||
| 1 | 16 | January 9, 2000 | May 21, 2000 | ||
| 2 | 25 | November 5, 2000 | May 20, 2001 | ||
| 3 | 22 | November 11, 2001 | May 12, 2002 | ||
| 4 | 22 | November 3, 2002 | May 18, 2003 | ||
| 5 | 22 | November 2, 2003 | May 23, 2004 | ||
| 6 | 22 | November 7, 2004 | May 15, 2005 | ||
| 7 | 22 | September 30, 2005 | May 14, 2006 | ||
Episodes
Season 1 (2000)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code | US viewers (millions) [1] |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 1 | "Pilot" | Todd Holland | Linwood Boomer | January 9, 2000 | 10012-99-179 | 22.4 |
| 11-year-old Malcolm (Frankie Muniz) lives with his dysfunctional family: neurotic father, Hal (Bryan Cranston), control-freak mother Lois (Jane Kaczmarek), dim-witted 12-year-old bully Reese (Justin Berfield), and odd 6-year-old Dewey (Erik Per Sullivan). His eldest brother, 15-year-old Francis (Christopher Kennedy Masterson), has been packed off to military school for chronic misbehavior. At school Malcolm tries to keep his head down and avoid the school bully Spath (Vincent Berry), but his teachers spot his intelligence and testing reveals his I.Q. to be 165. When Lois forces him to join the school's gifted class, Malcolm objects because he doesn't want to be bullied for being a "Krelboyne". Frustrated at being ostracized by the regular kids, Malcolm lashes out at Spath, and with some help from his new friend Stevie (Craig Lamar Traylor), fortuitously humiliates Spath and becomes the nerds' hero. | |||||||
| 2 | 2 | "Red Dress" | Arlene Sanford | Alan J. Higgins | January 16, 2000 | 06-99-103 | 23.3 |
| Lois is supposed to meet Hal at an expensive restaurant for their anniversary date, but Lois forgets to go after she finds her red dress burned and flushed down the toilet, sending her into a violent rage. She spends the night punishing Reese, Dewey, and Malcolm, trying to figure out which of them burned her dress. Meanwhile, Hal makes friends with a member of the restaurant staff while waiting for Lois. Malcolm, seeing that he and his brothers cannot fight Lois alone, calls Francis for help against Lois. It is later revealed that Hal burned the dress by accident. | |||||||
| 3 | 3 | "Home Alone 4" | Todd Holland | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | January 23, 2000 | 06-99-106 | 19.3 |
| While Hal and Lois are away for the weekend, Francis comes home from military school to babysit. Malcolm overhears Lois and Hal's discussion about Francis and believes he will be allowed to return home permanently if he does a good job, so he convinces the other boys to be on their best behavior. A series of mishaps nevertheless occur, but the boys manage to fix or hide them. Seeing the good work Francis has done, Hal and Lois send him back for military school because they realize how much he is "improving" there. | |||||||
| 4 | 4 | "Shame" | Nick Marck | David Richardson | February 6, 2000 | 06-99-107 | 16.8 |
| Fed up with his constant abuse, Malcolm beats up a huge bully named Kevin who won't leave him alone. In reality Kevin is a 7-year-old brat who orders the brute to bully others. Malcolm feels guilty and tries to clear his conscience by signing up for a charity run, but fails when he trips on his untied shoe at the beginning of the run. Dewey is injured climbing a tree, so Hal cuts it down, angering the neighbors because they can see the family's house. Hal grows to miss the tree, so he plants another one. Francis decides to steal the slides for the military academy's disgusting sex education slideshow, but he finds some embarrassng slides of Commandant Spangler (Daniel Von Bargen) in his office, which he replaces with the original slides. However, Spangler shows a cunning and trickier side by showing the cadets embarrassing slides of Francis. | |||||||
| 5 | 5 | "Malcolm Babysits" | Jeff Melman | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | February 13, 2000 | 06-99-105 | 17.9 |
| The whole family is forced to live in a trailer owned by Lois' coworker, Craig, while their house is being fumigated. However, Malcolm ends up spending more time at the home of an upper-middle-class family who has hired him as their babysitter, but he learns that they were secretly videotaping him. He later blackmails the family to leave him alone and quits the job. Francis finds the corpse of a missing janitor in the basement of the military school, and teams up with his friends to give the forgotten custodian a Norse funeral, which turns into a disaster. | |||||||
| 6 | 6 | "Sleepover" | Ken Kwapis | Dan Kopelman | February 20, 2000 | 06-99-110 | N/A |
| Malcolm stays overnight at Stevie's house. He convinces Stevie to sneak out to an arcade downtown, but Stevie's wheelchair is stolen, and they have to find his wheelchair while dragging Stevie in a cart. Meanwhile, to prove that he is mature, Lois challenges Reese to give Dewey a bath and put him to sleep in exchange for being allowed to stay up late to watch a scary movie, but the task proves more difficult than he expected. Francis is hazed by a group of students, but tells them their tricks are amateurish to what Lois did to him, and the students decide to worship Lois. | |||||||
| 7 | 7 | "Francis Escapes" | Todd Holland | Linwood Boomer | February 27, 2000 | 06-99-101 | 16.6 |
| Francis deserts from military school to reunite with his girlfriend Bebe, but she breaks up with him as soon as he gets home. Lois finds out Francis has left school, but does not know where he went. Malcolm discovers Francis hiding in the woods near their house and brings him food, though keeping the secret from his brothers and parents grows increasingly complicated. After Hal finds Francis, he decides to drive him across the country back to military school so Lois won't find him, sympathetic to his son's romantic travails. | |||||||
| 8 | 8 | "Krelboyne Picnic" | Todd Holland | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | March 12, 2000 | 06-99-109 | 15.5 |
| The family spend the day at 'Cirque de Krelboyne', a picnic where Malcolm's classmates demonstrate their abilities. Hal violates the picnic's vegetarian policy by bringing a meat-filled cooler on the picnic, and Lois takes care of a PTA control freak who strictly oversees the food and drinks there. Reese looks forward to giving the Krelboynes a hard time but is soon on the receiving end when one of them gets his older brother involved. Despite Malcolm's attempts to escape, he is eventually forced to take the stage, where he stuns the audience with his mathematical prowess. The family soon reassure him that nothing has changed. | |||||||
| 9 | 9 | "Lois vs. Evil" | Todd Holland | Jack Amiel & Michael Begler | March 19, 2000 | 06-99-104 | 16.3 |
| Lois finds out that Dewey stole a $150 bottle of cognac from the store where she works. She makes him return it, but she is fired by a tyrannic assistant manager named Mr. Pinter after he catches them. In anger she accuses Pinter for firing her out of spite for originally being up for a promotion for assistant manager. This leaves the family struggling financially, but Lois gets her job back from Pinter when she confronts him for his wrongdoings such as hiding marijuana in his desk. Craig and the others overhear this and plan to tell the district manager all about it. In humiliation, Pinter quits his job right away. Francis, chosen to be part of the color guard at a beauty pageant, gains special backstage dressing room access when some of the contestants think he's gay. | |||||||
| 10 | 10 | "Stock Car Races" | Todd Holland | David Richardson | April 2, 2000 | 06-99-102 | 14.4 |
| Hal sneaks the boys out of the class and takes them on a stock car race, and the boys try to sneak on the pit lanes, causing mayhem with the security guards. Lois' hunt for her lost paycheck unearths incriminating items that Hal and the boys stashed around the house, at the same time befriending Malcolm's teacher. Meanwhile, fed up with Spangler and his noisy dog that the students hate, Francis sneaks a huge snake into the academy and stashes it in his locker. He forgets to lock it, and the snake eats the dog before escaping. When Spangler finds out, he punishes all the cadets, but they do not care because Francis got rid of the dog. | |||||||
| 11 | 11 | "Funeral" | Arlene Sanford | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | April 9, 2000 | 06-99-111 | 15.3 |
| The family reluctantly prepares for Aunt Helen's funeral, but Lois gives up and announces she's going to take a bubble bath while everyone else does their own things. Hal decides to listen to his old record player, while Dewey invites a friend, and after they leave a huge spill, they start to clean it, causing a mess in the kitchen. Malcolm tries to attend a concert with a girl named Julie (Landry Allbright), but she catches him in his underwear while changing and runs away. Malcolm takes Francis' advice to use a scapegoat, and tells his parents that Reese broke Dewey's birthday present and the reason he seemed so enthusiastic to go to the funeral was that he had planned to stash the remains in the coffin. Lois promptly decides that they will attend the funeral after all so he can apologize to Aunt Helen. | |||||||
| 12 | 12 | "Cheerleader" | Todd Holland | Dan Kopelman | April 16, 2000 | 06-99-112 | 13.0 |
| Reese joins the cheerleading squad because he has a crush on one of the cheerleaders. Malcolm is embarrassed to have a brother who is a cheerleader, and even the Krelboynes are making fun of him, but he ends up helping Reese learn his routines anyway. Dewey desperately tries to talk Lois into buying a new toy. Hal, hearing Reese crying and seeing him practicing cheerleading routines with Malcolm in the backyard, tries to give all the boys "The Talk". After his latest stunt, Spangler attempts to reach out to Francis by telling him a story of his youth, only for Francis to uncover more about Spangler himself. | |||||||
| 13 | 13 | "Rollerskates" | Ken Kwapis | Alan J. Higgins | April 30, 2000 | 06-99-108 | 14.5 |
| Malcolm becomes frustrated with Hal's roller skating lessons and says "the F word" to his dad; Hal punishes him severely. Lois throws out her back by screaming too loud at Reese for tracking mud in the house and refuses to take painkillers until Reese sneaks them in her milk. At Marlin Academy, Francis fakes the same back injury to get out of a wilderness survival exercise at the academy, but is caught and forced to go on the exercise. | |||||||
| 14 | 14 | "The Bots and the Bees" | Chris Koch | Alan J. Higgins & David Richardson | May 7, 2000 | 06-00-202 | 12.3 |
| Lois visits Francis at military school after he has a medical emergency. Francis is upset when everyone else at the academy gets along well with Lois. Hal, no longer under Lois' supervision, quickly regresses into his wild teenage persona. He resumes smoking, stops going to work, and lets Reese and Dewey get away with everything. Malcolm and the Krelboynes decide to enter a killer robot competition, but Hal takes over the project and builds a dangerous robot complete with a bee cannon, to the point that the boys end up launching the bees onto him to stop him. | |||||||
| 15 | 15 | "Smunday" | Jeff Melman | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | May 14, 2000 | 06-00-201 | 12.6 |
| Lois, down with a severe case of the flu, does not realize she has spent two days in bed. Thinking Monday is Sunday, she doesn't make the boys go to school — or lift their latest grounding about giving away Dewey's bike. The boys are initially happy to get the day off school, but soon realize their mistake, as the TV is shut off as part of the punishment and they cannot leave the house lest they be seen and reported. Francis calls the boys about hiding an incriminating letter about his latest transgression at the academy, but Lois ends up finding it anyway. Lois is so caught up with both her flu and Francis' misdemeanour that she ignores punishing the boys for skipping school. With Lois ready to send Francis to a work farm, the boys try to come up with a prank that will make Lois turn her attention back to them. Meanwhile, Hal visits a Porsche dealership and ends up ruining a car because he caught Lois' flu. The salesman drives Hal home in the car, where it is further damaged by the boys' prank. | |||||||
| 16 | 16 | "Water Park (Part 1)" | Ken Kwapis | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | May 21, 2000 | 06-00-203 | 13.9 |
| The family takes a trip to a water park. Lois and Hal sneak alcohol into the park, try to avoid the boys and have fun. Malcolm and Reese engage in an escalating war of pranks. After they spill Lois and Hal's food and drink she catches up with them at the top of a giant water slide and berates them. Malcolm pushes her in, but she grabs both of them and pulls them down together, still yelling at them. Dewey was unable to go because of an ear infection and is left with a strict elderly babysitter (Bea Arthur), who later collapses and is taken away in an ambulance. Dewey chases a red balloon blowing around in the street. Spangler learns that Francis has been letting him win at pool to keep him in a good mood. Spangler threatens to punish Francis if he loses again, while the other cadets threaten to beat him up if he wins. When Francis misses an easy shot, Spangler starts trying to throw the match, resulting in both players trying their best to lose. | |||||||
Season 2 (2000–01)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code | US viewers (millions) [1] |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 17 | 1 | "Traffic Jam (Part 2)" | Todd Holland | Dan Kopelman | November 5, 2000 | 06-00-204 | 15.5 |
| The family is thrown out of the water park and banned for life. On the drive back, Hal lets a car overtake them, only for it to be hit by a truck, causing a massive traffic jam. Lois harasses everyone to clear the accident so they can get back on the road and cannot accept that things are beyond her control. Hal has an existential crisis when he realizes how easily it could have happened to them. Reese and some kids battle a man in an ice cream truck who refuses to sell to them. Malcolm spends the time with a smart, funny, and a cute girl named Jessica (Hallee Hirsh) and is devastated to find out she lives in Canada. She tries to give him her phone number, but a vicious dog that Lois freed eats it. At the military academy, Francis tries to eat 100 candy quacks (a parody of Peeps marshmallows) to settle a silly argument. Meanwhile, Dewey ended up lost in the middle of a corn field and is escorted home by a variety of people, arriving just before the family returns. | |||||||
| 18 | 2 | "Halloween Approximately" | Todd Holland | Dan Kopelman | November 8, 2000 | 06-00-207 | 9.2 |
| When Francis comes home for a post-Halloween visit, he helps his brothers get back into the spirit by building a giant slingshot on the roof of their house to terrorize the neighborhood, but they are defeated when Krelboynes turn the tables on them. Hal and Lois track down a joyrider in a blue 1972 Chevrolet Chevelle who won't stop speeding down their street and taunts Lois, and they end up stealing his car. They think about leaving the kids and escaping to Mexico, but they come back to their senses, drown the car in a lake and return home. | |||||||
| 19 | 3 | "Lois's Birthday" | Ken Kwapis | Alex Reid | November 12, 2000 | 06-00-205 | 16.4 |
| Lois gives Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey money to buy her specific birthday presents, only for them to spend most of it on candy and give her cheap gifts instead. When Hal also forgets Lois' birthday, she runs away from home and goes to a batting cage. Francis, who had come home for Lois' birthday, convinces an African woman to ditch her bus tour and see America with him instead. When he learns what Reese, Malcolm and Dewey has done, he disciplines them for their selfishness. At the batting cage, Hal and the boys throw together a makeshift party for her, but Lois isn't impressed. However, when the lead clown hired sexually harrasses her, Lois witnesses first hand just how much her family really care for her when they defend her honor by fighting the clowns. | |||||||
| 20 | 4 | "Dinner Out" | Jeff Melman | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | November 15, 2000 | 06-00-206 | 9.7 |
| The family has a dinner date with the Kenarbans, who start to pick up the bad habits of Malcolm and his family: Abe gets drunk with Hal, Stevie punches Reese, and Kitty makes a scene by yelling at Stevie in front of everyone. While Spangler is busy spending a romantic evening with a woman, the academy is free for the cadets, and so Francis invites a group of local girls to a party at Marlin Academy, which they promptly destroy. Francis goes to Spangler to tell him about the party, and together they try to limit the damage. | |||||||
| 21 | 5 | "Casino" | Todd Holland | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | November 19, 2000 | 06-00-209 | 14.2 |
| Malcolm and his family vacation at a casino on an Indian reservation. Hal is banned from the gambling area after using Malcolm to count cards for him at a blackjack table. Unable to gamble, Hal looks for another form of recreation and takes Malcolm and Reese on a hike through the desert, where they accidentally wander onto a US Army artillery range. Lois wins a day at the spa and shares it with Dewey since Hal is gone. Francis ditches school thinking he will have the house to himself while his family is gone, only to run into Craig, who also sneaked in the house uninvited. | |||||||
| 22 | 6 | "Convention" | Jeff Melman | Bob Stevens | November 22, 2000 | 06-00-208 | 9.9 |
| Hal and Lois go out of town to a convention, where Hal keeps picking fights with a coworker who stole his idea. Lois tells Hal that he has a choice: either he can fight with the man and they will both be arrested or he can take his anger out on her with sex. Malcolm and Reese compete for the attention of their babysitter Patty (Melody Perkins), Francis' friend who doesn't know that she is gorgeous. She finds Dewey adorable and barely notices them. | |||||||
| 23 | 7 | "Robbery" | Todd Holland | Alan J. Higgins | November 26, 2000 | 06-00-215 | 15.5 |
| Lois and Craig get caught up in a robbery at the Lucky Aide, where Craig finally admits his feelings for Lois. Hal brings home an old armoire to give Lois as an anniversary gift, but it turns out to be full of bats. They manage to get rid of all the bats, but not without trashing the house in the process. Francis tries to cheer up a recently dumped fellow cadet by taking him to a strip club, then an illegal cockfight, where they are arrested. | |||||||
| 24 | 8 | "Therapy" | Ken Kwapis | Ian Busch | November 29, 2000 | 06-00-210 | 9.5 |
| Malcolm fakes an emotional breakdown in order to get out of the Krelboyne class' Medieval Week. Hal and Lois clean out a packed closet and find that it is actually a second bathroom with a functional toilet. Dewey reveals a hidden talent for table skittles, but his talent disappears as soon as Hal tries to show it off. When Francis starts laundry duty at military school, he becomes greedy and starts a business and blackmail. The other cadets soon get revenge on Francis by ruining the detergent and allow him to be busted by Spangler. | |||||||
| 25 | 9 | "High School Play" | Jeff Melman | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | December 10, 2000 | 06-00-211 | 16.9 |
| Malcolm gets a role in a high school play and starts blowing off his friends to spend more time with his new high school friends. Caroline gives birth in the school parking lot when the Krelboynes' model rocket launch goes awry. Hal and Dewey create a LEGO city. At the play, the constant exposure to the high-school gossip causes Malcolm to forget his lines and allows the Krelboynes to get their revenge on him for it. | |||||||
| 26 | 10 | "The Bully" | Jeff Melman | Alex Reid | December 17, 2000 | 06-00-214 | 15.9 |
| After being beaten by a girl in a wrestling match, Reese relinquishes his role as the school bully, which allows other kids to pick on Malcolm. This also makes it open season for all of the up-and-coming bullies in school, who make everyone's lives even more miserable. However, Reese returns when they go too far by picking on Stevie. Francis tries to come home from military school for his birthday to avoid a birthday hazing ritual of having his whole body shaved. | |||||||
| 27 | 11 | "Old Mrs. Old" | Todd Holland | Alan J. Higgins | January 7, 2001 | 06-00-213 | 17.1 |
| Malcolm must help care for a cranky old woman, Mrs. Griffin (Florence Stanley), because he broke her arm. When Lois catches him on a joyride in her car, she covers for him — for a price. Francis' friend Richie is sent to the military academy, and falls prey to Commandant Spangler's manipulations. Francis has his cadet friends beat Richie up in an attempt to make him see Spangler for who he is. Reese tries to convince (and force) Dewey to use a regular backpack instead of a purse. | |||||||
| 28 | 12 | "Krelboyne Girl" | Arlene Sanford | Bob Stevens | January 14, 2001 | 06-00-212 | 14.9 |
| Malcolm's class has a new student named Cynthia (Tania Raymonde), and it quickly becomes clear that she has a crush on him. Malcolm doesn't know how to react about this, panicking about a new love, and ends up throwing a brick through her window in the middle of the night. She is mad at first but ends up forgiving him. | |||||||
| 29 | 13 | "New Neighbors" | Ken Kwapis | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | January 21, 2001 | 06-00-219 | 14.9 |
| New neighbors move in next to Malcolm's family, and the two families hate each other. The father quickly becomes best friends with Hal and they must keep their friendship a secret. One of the neighbors' kids is a pathological liar who makes everyone else think that Malcolm is a Peeping Tom, leading Malcolm to seek revenge by framing him for theft. However, during the execution of their plan, they catch the wife of the family in the hot tub cheating on her husband, humiliating the family and forcing them to move. Commandant Spangler gets drunk on the day that Oliver North visits Marlin Academy and Francis must save the day for everyone in Marlin. | |||||||
| 30 | 14 | "Hal Quits" | Ken Kwapis | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | February 4, 2001 | 06-00-216 | 18.6 |
| Hal quits his job after a disastrous career day at Dewey's school, and spends his free time to a huge painting in a garage (which is never shown on-screen). He drives himself crazy adding more and more layers to the painting until it collapses onto him. Francis reluctantly works at the Lucky Aide over spring break when they need extra people to take inventory. Malcolm questions his future profession after an aptitude test reveals that he could do any job on the planet. | |||||||
| 31 | 15 | "The Grandparents" | Todd Holland | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | February 11, 2001 | 06-00-217 | 14.3 |
| Lois' parents Victor (Robert Loggia) and Ida (Cloris Leachman) come for a visit and don't seem to approve of anyone in the family except Reese. Hal buys a new refrigerator thinking Victor is going to reimburse him for it, but Victor changes his mind. Victor also gives Reese a case of his old weapons from World War II, but Reese pulls the pin and Victor breaks the handle off a live grenade, so Malcolm throws it in the new fridge to keep it from destroying the house, blowing up the fridge in the process. Hal gives Victor and Ida an ultimatum; if they do not compensate for the destroyed fridge, he will call the police. Meanwhile, Francis is sick from bad sushi while he and the cadets are in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. | |||||||
| 32 | 16 | "Traffic Ticket" | Jeff Melman | Larry Strawther | February 18, 2001 | 06-00-218 | 15.8 |
| Lois is cited for reckless driving, and arrested due to several outstanding parking tickets earned by Francis. She orders Francis to pay off the fines or else never come back home, which leads Francis to try a dangerous stunt for money, injuring himself in the process. Lois disputes the reckless driving citation, believing the officer has a personal grudge against her. When security camera footage shows that Lois was wrong,she has an emotional meltdown over being wrong for the first time in her life, but then becomes more easygoing, and tells Framcis to use the money he earned to come home for a weekend. Craig finds a security camera from a different angle showing that Lois was not at fault after all, but Hal and the boys destroy the tape and warn Craig to remain silent. | |||||||
| 33 | 17 | "Surgery" | Jeff Melman | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | February 25, 2001 | 06-00-222 | 17.6 |
| Malcolm is hospitalized with side pains and is diagnosed with appendicitis. He is scheduled for surgery until he manages to prove the diagnosis wrong and must suffer the consequences when his parents find out. The rest of the family obsesses over a board game called March and Conquer (a fictional version of Risk), which they usually don't play since Malcolm always beats them all in a few moves. Francis and the cadets go on a hunger strike after Commandant Spangler takes away their television. | |||||||
| 34 | 18 | "Reese Cooks" | Jeff Melman | Dan Kopelman | March 4, 2001 | 06-00-220 | 17.0 |
| After another destructive prank by Reese, Hal and Lois find themselves struggling to discipline him as he shrugs off at any attempts at punishment. Trying a different angle, Hal forces Reese to attend a culinary class only for Reese to discover a remarkable talent for cooking. In the class' cooking contest, Reese is found to have cheated by putting foul-tasting ingredients in the other contestants' foods. Hal punishes him by forbidding him to cook, satisfied that he has finally found a punishment that works. Cynthia organizes a "Be My Friend" party for everyone at the school, but Malcolm is worried that she's setting herself up for disappointment and tries to stop her. At Marlin Academy, Eric tries to force Francis to do his half of a major project, but Francis keeps getting distracted. | |||||||
| 35 | 19 | "Tutoring Reese" | Ken Kwapis | Ian Busch | March 11, 2001 | 06-00-221 | 14.9 |
| Malcolm tutors Reese to improve his lousy grades and avoid him getting sent to the school's remedial class by his teacher Mr. Woodward (Dave "Gruber" Allen) but he keeps getting Fs, no matter how much he studies. Malcolm secretly takes Reese's big test, and when it earns another F, he realizes that Woodward has been failing Reese regardless of accuracy in order to convince the school administrators that Reese should be reassigned to the school's remedial class. Francis has been kicked out for refusing to re-shingle the roof and lives in the basement of his friend Richie's house. When Mr. Woodward calls to give Lois and Hal the paperwork to reassign Reese to the remedial class, Malcolm exposes him, but also his own cheating in the process. In the end Francis, Reese, Malcolm and Woodward are all forced to re-shingle the roof together. | |||||||
| 36 | 20 | "Bowling" | Todd Holland | Alex Reid | April 1, 2001 | 06-00-223 | 13.7 |
| In this Sliding Doors-style story, the viewer simultaneously sees what happens when the boys go bowling with Hal and what happens when they go bowling with Lois. In both versions, Malcolm and Reese go to bowl, while Dewey stays at home for killing the neighbor's parakeet, with one of the parents guarding him. In both versions, when Hal/Lois return home from the bowling alley, they ask the other to take them next time. Alex McKenna guest stars. | |||||||
| 37 | 21 | "Malcolm vs. Reese" | Todd Holland | Story by : Dan Danko & Tom Mason Teleplay by : Dan Kopelman | April 22, 2001 | 06-00-226 | 14.5 |
| Francis bribes Malcolm and Reese with just one extra ticket to a wrestling match, forcing them to humiliate themselves and do all his chores to win it. However, Francis betrays them both by taking a girl (Cerina Vincent). Reese and Malcolm exact revenge on him by stealing his driver's license, reporting the family car as stolen to the police, and tying themselves up in the trunk, getting Francis arrested. Dewey is hired to watch Craig's cat, Jellybean, but he loses the cat. Hal and Lois come to help but they make things worse. Craig moves in with the family after they burn his house down to get rid of the cats. | |||||||
| 38 | 22 | "Mini-Bike" | Ken Kwapis | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | April 29, 2001 | 06-00-227 | 14.6 |
| Craig drives the family insane while living with them. The boys buy a used moped and fix it up, only to have Lois confiscate it. Reese takes the bike out anyway and crashes it, twisting and breaking his leg. Malcolm tricks Craig into believing he ran over Reese. Even though Lois eventually finds out the truth, she does not punish them because they traumatized Craig into leaving the house. Hal visits Francis at Marlin Academy's father/son day and is disappointed to learn that Francis apparently has hardly changed, but is later proud when Francis is the only cadet who stands up to Commandant Spangler for the other cadets. | |||||||
| 39 | 23 | "Carnival" | Ken Kwapis | Alex Reid | May 6, 2001 | 06-00-225 | 13.6 |
| Reese and Malcolm plan with Stevie to sneak into the carnival fair that is in town. However, Dewey spies on them and blackmails them into taking him. They all sneak off to the county fair together, but they arrive as the fair is closing and end up being locked in and chased by a security guard. Hal and Lois were going to spend the evening having sex until Stevie's parents showed up and they all discovered that their sons lied. They search various places around town and eventually find them at the Tri County Fair. The four are punished by having to walk back home. | |||||||
| 40 | 24 | "Evacuation" | Todd Holland | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | May 13, 2001 | 06-00-228 | 14.0 |
| As Hal and Dewey are driving an old couch to the city dump, the couch falls onto nearby railroad tracks. A train transporting toxic waste strikes the couch and derails, forcing the neighborhood to evacuate. Hal tries to make up to the community. Malcolm was late coming home from school, so Lois forces him to stay on his designated cot in the gym. Dewey convinces other people that he is an orphan in order to get what he wants, and Reese starts running a black market. At the end, Malcolm gets fed up and stands up to Lois, Reese's black market is discovered, and Dewey reveals his and Hal's scheme in front of the crowd. The Army forces Hal, Dewey, Lois and Reese to spend the night on the bench outside without moving from it, with Malcolm enjoying his freedom. Eric takes Francis out on a blind double date, but Francis' date turns out to be twelve. However, Francis has a better time with the girl than Eric has with his own date. | |||||||
| 41 | 25 | "Flashback" | Jeff Melman | Ian Busch | May 20, 2001 | 06-00-224 | 13.8 |
| While Hal worries and argues with Lois over the possibility of her being pregnant again since she is two weeks late with her period, the two look back at the memories of their children's births. Francis was born during Hal and Lois' wedding, Reese was born prematurely because Lois pushed him out when he kicked too hard, Malcolm was born in the front yard because Lois had to drive to the hospital and Francis locked her out of the car, and Dewey was born in the backyard in the rain because Malcolm had accidentally filled the house with chlorine gas. Dewey, who has been listening to his parents, is happy that they are not arguing anymore, because he thought they would get a divorce. Lois is revealed not to be pregnant and wishes she had a girl. | |||||||
Season 3 (2001–02)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 42 | 1 | "Houseboat" | Todd Holland | Bob Stevens | November 11, 2001 | 06-01-301 |
| Malcolm's family and the Kenarbans vacation together on a houseboat. Lois scolds Malcolm for nearly ruining Hal's life, and forces him to make amends by going fishing with Hal. Reese and Stevie hang out with sex-starved girls from a cheerleader camp. Malcolm soon becomes annoyed with spending time fishing with Hal, and sees some bras and Reese's shirt float past the boat, causing him to throw Hal overboard and rush the boat to the girls' camp. Dewey has an increasingly bad time, ending with Reese and Stevie leaving him on a buoy to become severely sunburnt. Meanwhile, Francis' friend, Eric, drops out of the military academy to take on a logging job in Alaska and Francis gets himself emancipated so he can join him, incurring Lois' wrath. | ||||||
| 43 | 2 | "Emancipation" | Jimmy Simons | Alan J. Higgins | November 14, 2001 | 06-01-302 |
| Francis leaves the military academy and comes home a final time before heading out to join Eric in Alaska. However, Lois wants nothing to do with him, leading to a serious fight between her and Hal. Malcolm's new teacher, Mr. Herkabe (Chris Eigeman), sets up a ranking system to pressure the Krelboynes to achieve. They turn against each other until Malcolm develops up a scheme to break Herkabe's system, humiliating him in front of the school principal. | ||||||
| 44 | 3 | "Book Club" | Todd Holland | Alex Reid | November 18, 2001 | 06-01-304 |
| Lois attempts to escape the boys' nightly misbehavior by joining a women's book club, but she soon realizes that it's merely an excuse for the women to socialize—and get drunk. Lois helps them plot against a wealthy PTA mom, Lillian Miller, who seems to handle all her motherly duties with ease while living in luxury. Meanwhile, Hal tries and fails many different ideas to keep the boys in order, and Francis hitches a ride with a trucker who makes him humiliate himself in exchange for the ride. | ||||||
| 45 | 4 | "Malcolm's Girlfriend" | Ken Kwapis | Ian Busch | November 28, 2001 | 06-01-305 |
| After getting a girlfriend (portrayed by Alessandra Torresani, whose face is never shown on camera), Malcolm neglects his family and friends; the family reacts when they find out about her. Dewey uses his new friend's wealth to get the birthday party he's always wanted. Still en route to Alaska, Francis is briefly jailed, but starts to enjoy watching the guards' complicated lives unfold. | ||||||
| 46 | 5 | "Charity" | Jeff Melman | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | December 2, 2001 | 06-01-303 |
| Lois forces the boys into community service to build character. They choose to help out at a church, where they quickly go from trading their own stuff to stealing merchandise and creating a black market. Francis finally reaches his destination in Alaska only to learn that his new job isn't the easy money-making opportunity he thought, but rather a living hell. When Hal discovers the boys' black market business, he attempts to make the trip back to the church to return the stuff they had taken and apologize. However, when his car breaks down and the police arrest him, Hal and the boys have an epiphany about their own actions. | ||||||
| 47 | 6 | "Health Scare" | Todd Holland | Dan Kopelman | December 9, 2001 | 06-01-307 |
| When news hits that Hal may have a serious illness, Lois becomes meaner than usual as she grounds Malcolm and Reese for drawing mud into the house. They later disobey Lois by going to a party full of girls only to come home in hot water. Meanwhile, Francis has a showdown with combative Lavernia in Alaska, and Dewey becomes overzealous in taking care of his class' pet hamster. | ||||||
| 48 | 7 | "Christmas" | Jeff Melman | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | December 16, 2001 | 06-01-306 |
| As the boys ruin Christmas every year, Lois finally issues an ultimatum: either the boys behave or Christmas is cancelled. It works, but the boys realize that she could keep using this threat for every holiday and decide they need to teach her a lesson. They draw obscene pictures on the garage wall and tear open their presents on Christmas Eve. However, remorse sets in when the boys realized that Lois bought them the presents they wanted. Meanwhile, Francis spends a torturous Christmas with Grandma Ida in Whitehorse and eventually finds a closet full of gifts for the family that she withheld because of petty offenses. He pays her back by hiding stashes of musical Christmas card (playing Jingle Bells) inside her apartment before he leaves. | ||||||
| 49 | 8 | "Poker" | Ken Kwapis | Michael Borkow | January 6, 2002 | 06-01-308 |
| Hal finally gets an invitation to Abe's poker game, but Hal feels left out after the game. Hal believes that Abe's friends targeted him because of his comparatively boring job, but it never occurs to him that he was the only white player there. Malcolm clashes with Stevie for filming him in a homework assignment, leading to a poker match between Hal and Abe. Reese collects money from old ladies who wanted to partner up at Lois' dance class, then uses the money to buy Dewey a toy and smashes it in front of him. For revenge, Dewey films Reese being dragged to the class. Meanwhile, Francis and his Alaskan friends are trapped in an Alaskan blizzard fending off cabin fever. | ||||||
| 50 | 9 | "Reese's Job" | Todd Holland | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | January 20, 2002 | 06-01-310 |
| Reese works at a fast-food place, but gets into trouble when his co-workers think he stole money from the cash register. Dewey tries to prove himself trustworthy with a goldfish and his parents try to sabotage his efforts by switching the live fish with a dead one, but Dewey keeps switching the dead fish with live ones. Malcolm finds himself eclipsed by the newest, youngest Krelboyne, Barton, Herkabe's latest attempt to get rid of Malcolm. Barton and the boys confront Richie with stealing the money, which he denies until his girlfriend walks into the room and reveals the truth not knowing the boys are in there. Richie has to agree to several services in exchange for the boys' silence. The next day, Barton's father decides to transfer him to another school where he can be a normal child. Francis helps one of his lodge friends prepare to marry a Russian mail-order bride, but what arrives is not what they expected. | ||||||
| 51 | 10 | "Lois' Makeover" | Jeff Melman | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | January 27, 2002 | 06-01-311 |
| Mortified when she learns that she performs poorly in Lucky Aide secret-shoppers' performance reviews, Lois tries to dress up her appearance. Her work life begins to improve after the makeover, but she removes all the makeup after a man mistakes her for a prostitute. Hal is re-energized after beating the boys at basketball until the boys discover his dirty secret and get their revenge on him. A rat infestation gives Francis a new job, but he is overrun by thousands of rats after he tears down their hideout. | ||||||
| 52 53 | 11 12 | "Company Picnic" | Todd Holland | Story by : Janae Bakken Teleplay by : Alan J. Higgins | February 3, 2002 | 06-01-313/06-01-314 |
| The family attends Hal's company picnic, where Hal tries to avoid his new boss because of his bleak history of first impressions and Malcolm sees an old crush. Francis finds himself caught up in an ice hockey match between the loggers and a female oil-rig crew and bets his teammates' money against the loggers, knowing that if he wins he can pay off his debts to Lavernia and leave his Alaskan hellhole. However, the loggers do win, and when Lavernia and the rest of the team find out the truth about the money, they tie Francis naked to the ice-cleaner truck and drag him around the pit. | ||||||
| 54 | 13 | "Reese Drives" | Jeff Melman | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | February 10, 2002 | 06-01-309 |
| Reese gets his learner's permit, but after a poor student named Jackie makes him miss his turn for a driving test, he steals the Driver's-Ed car and ends up in a chase with the cops. However, he drives back to the driving course and makes a perfect score, impressing Jackie and his whole family. After allegedly throwing eggs on Craig's house, Lois makes Malcolm clean it, but Craig framed Malcolm so he could have Malcolm's help to set up his new home cinema. Francis makes several promises to different lodgers in order to fix a hole in the lodge's roof, but when he can't deliver, the angry lodgers come after him. | ||||||
| 55 | 14 | "Cynthia's Back" | Ken Kwapis | Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum | February 17, 2002 | 06-01-312 |
| A moody Cynthia returns from Europe and Malcolm discovers it's because she was hiding a more developed figure. When Reese finds out about this, he tries to date her. Malcolm outsmarts him by asking him Cynthia's name in front of her, which Reese had not bothered to learn. Desperate, he grabs her breasts in a last attempt and Cynthia beats him up. Lois' friend Karen tells her that she kissed Hal on New Year's Eve, but he denies it completely, and Lois realizes that Hal loves her more than she loves him. Dewey helps Hal overcome his fear of kite flying. In Alaska, after his drunken roommates steal a totem pole, Francis looks to it for answers. | ||||||
| 56 | 15 | "Hal's Birthday" | Levie Isaacks | Alex Reid | March 3, 2002 | 06-01-316 |
| Lois arranges for Francis to come home on Hal's birthday as a surprise, but the real surprise is on everyone else when Francis arrives with a wife, Piama (Emy Coligado). Malcolm, Dewey, and Reese are immediately sent to bed while the arguments rage on with Lois and Francis, ruining Hal's birthday. The boys sneak off to a hotel with Hal's credit card to start a new life, but are soon caught. However, the boys complain against Lois due to the constant yelling and Lois promises that she will try to be more calm from then on. The entire family eventually did celebrate Hal's birthday before Francis and Piama returns to Alaska. | ||||||
| 57 | 16 | "Hal Coaches" | Jeff Melman | Ian Busch | March 10, 2002 | 06-01-319 |
| Hal decides to coach Dewey's soccer team and turns them into monsters. When Malcolm and Reese get a computer from their neighbor Ed, they discover his big secret and Reese blackmails him into doing favors for him. However, Ed turns the situation against him when he learns of Reese's infractions at school and finally makes him return the favor. Malcolm starts playing a game called The Virts (a parody of The Sims, where he recreates himself and his family, but gets obsessed when his virtual self repeatedly becomes obese and depressed. In Alaska, Piama kidnaps Lavernia's precious parakeet and demands better treatment for Francis or else she will personally execute the parakeet. | ||||||
| 58 | 17 | "Dewey's Dog" | Bob Stevens | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | April 7, 2002 | 06-01-318 |
| Dewey finds a dog and uses him to gain the upper hand over Malcolm and Reese. When Craig comes by to return some dry-cleaning, Dewey holds him hostage. Craig manages to escape but the dog chases him. Because the dog is gone, Malcolm and Reese torture Dewey as revenge. Hal and Lois go on a date, and neither will admit that they caught Craig's flu. In Alaska, Francis comes face-to-face with his former commandant Spangler, who blames him for not only losing his job at Marlin Academy, but also his desertion. Francis feels sympathy for Spangler and gets him a job at a retirement home that gives him free rein to bully the elderly. | ||||||
| 59 | 18 | "Poker #2" | Jeff Melman | Teleplay by: Bill Hooper Story by: John Bradford Goodman | April 21, 2002 | 06-01-322 |
| Hal, Abe, and their poker buddies start to compete over minor issues. Reese sets Malcolm and Stevie up with two popular girls (Dana Davis and Lindsey Haun), telling them that Stevie is terminally ill; Malcolm discovers that one of the girls has a handgun and tries to hide it from her. Eric suspects that Piama is having an affair, but Francis finds that Piama was merely talking to her estranged father. | ||||||
| 60 | 19 | "Clip Show" | Jamie Babbit | Michael Borkow & Alex Reid | April 28, 2002 | 06-01-321 |
| Believing the boys ruined the car, Hal forces them to see a psychiatrist (Andy Richter) to cure their bad behavior. Soon the three open up and tell him all about their family, which escalates into a big fight between the boys, freaking out the shrink. During the cold opening, Francis tries to fix a clog in his house's sink, almost getting his hand caught in the sink vent. | ||||||
| 61 | 20 | "Jury Duty" | Ken Kwapis | Teleplay by: Pang-Ni Landrum Story by: Pang-Ni Landrum & Tom Mason & Dan Danko | May 1, 2002 | 06-01-320 |
| While Malcolm and Reese spend a day exploring a sewer with Dewey and Stevie, they can't stop bragging that they saw Kitty naked over the weekend. Lois serves jury duty for a stolen motorcycle case; and, as she's not allowed to discuss it, Hal and Abe think her case is a high-profile murder case and spend the day proving their own theories about it. Lois forces her fellow jurors, who want to declare the defendant guilty and go home, to properly analyze the case. Francis is trapped with the crew in an ice-fishing shed with a bear outside. | ||||||
| 62 | 21 | "Cliques" | Jeff Melman | Michael Borkow | May 5, 2002 | 06-01-317 |
| After a chemical mishap, the Krelboynes are forced to join the general school population, while Herkabe serves a temporary job as a coach in gym class. They all find new groups except Malcolm, who gets concerned about a fight between the cliques. All the groups prepare to fight each other until the other students realise that they are in the presence of Krelboynes. They pants the Krelboynes and Malcolm, who are left at the school in their underwear. Herkabe returns as their teacher and in a rare moment, he shows empathy for them and Malcolm. Upon realizing that their home is on Native American land, Francis and Piama hosts a legalized casino as a means to pay off Lavernia's debts and leave his Alaskan nightmare. When Dewey is stricken with chickenpox, Lois tries to keep him busy with dominoes, but then she forbids Reese to knock them down. Reese tries to keep Hal from knocking them down, because Lois will blame Reese no matter the truth. Hal tries to knock over the dominoes on film, but wind from the closing door knocks them down before he starts filming. | ||||||
| 63 | 22 | "Monkey" | Ken Kwapis | Dan Kopelman | May 12, 2002 | 06-01-315 |
| After knocking out a burglar, Reese believes he has a future in law enforcement, so he instantly begins imposing his brutal rule on the neighborhood. He takes it too far when he smashes Lois' car window when she refuses to move it for pedestrians. Hal, who did not even make it out of bed when the burglar broke in, tries to prove to himself that he can be macho but it proves to be useless while Dewey refuses to sleep, keeping Malcolm awake too. Elsewhere, Craig is incapacitated by injuries, thanks to being chased into traffic by Dewey's dog. Rather than spend the insurance money on a nurse he instead buys a trained capuchin monkey, who tries to murder Craig until Hal comes to his rescue, which restores his self-worth. Hal happily reads Dewey a bedtime story of his exploits, which helps him and Malcolm finally fall asleep. With the logging work done, Francis is laid off and finds out that his home is scheduled for demolition, but Piama refuses to leave until she sees the settlement check. They finally bid farewell to Alaska, leaving Eric behind to hitchhike his way home. | ||||||
Season 4 (2002–03)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 64 | 1 | "Zoo" | Todd Holland | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | November 3, 2002 | 06-02-401 |
| Malcolm is depressed, and the family goes to the zoo. Reese battles a goat, while Malcolm and Dewey end up in a tiger pit. Dewey calms Malcolm long enough for Reese to save them by tossing the goat in the tiger pit. This experience makes Malcolm see his life in a whole new light. Francis and Piama's road trip across America results in them meeting a German couple named Otto (Kenneth Mars) and Gretchen (Meagen Fay) who offer Francis a job at their dude ranch. Lois' ex-boyfriend, Matt (Tim DeKay), works at the zoo and his demonstration of a tarantula on Hal results in Hal getting a nasty bite. While Hal recovers, Matt inadvertently reveals to him that Lois actually had a third boyfriend, leading to a serious confrontation between Hal and Lois. | ||||||
| 65 | 2 | "Humilithon" | Jeff Melman | Michael Borkow | November 10, 2002 | 06-02-402 |
| Malcolm's first day of high school gets off to a bad start when Lois embarrasses him in front of the entire school, causing him to have no friends except the Krelboynes. He plans to commit a felony that would make Lois ship him off to military academy, but Cynthia warns him that if he does so, she will never have sex with him again. Lois and Hal volunteer in the school, where Hal clashes with Herkabe. With Malcolm and Reese away, Dewey stays home alone for the first time in his life and has a wonderful time. On the ranch, Francis begins getting overwhelmed with the workload due to Otto constantly allowing his employees to take extended breaks, without arranging anyone else to cover for their shifts. | ||||||
| 66 | 3 | "Family Reunion" | Ken Kwapis | Alex Reid | November 17, 2002 | 06-02-403 |
| Francis and Piama visits just as the family goes to Hal's family reunion for his father's birthday, and Hal's family makes Lois miserable because she is from a lower-class family. Hal, Piama and the boys are furious for this and get revenge on the family. Hal clashes with his father, Walter (Christopher Lloyd), and forces a confession from him by tickling him. The boys drive a golf cart over the celebration with the help of their younger cousins, destroying the party. Even though Hal and Lois pretend to be angry at the boys, they are both proud of them for standing up to the family. Lois finally starts treating Piama kindly, not wanting to turn out like her own in-laws. | ||||||
| 67 | 4 | "Stupid Girl" | Todd Holland | Dan Kopelman | November 24, 2002 | 06-02-404 |
| Malcolm pretends to be stupid so he can win over a cute girl (Brittany Finamore) who really is stupid and soon finds that he is actually becoming dumber. Stevie wins Lois' approval and she takes him to the school dance. Hal rents a steamroller and becomes addicted to running over various objects until Dewey brings him back to his senses by standing in front of it. Meanwhile, Francis saves Otto from being conned by a con-artist selling him cow sunscreen. | ||||||
| 68 | 5 | "Forwards Backwards" | Levie Isaacks | Maggie Bandur | December 1, 2002 | 06-02-406 |
| Days before Malcolm's birthday, he and Reese pull increasingly severe pranks against each other. Flashbacks throughout the episode gradually reveal how their feud began when Malcolm ate a blueberry Reese was saving. Dewey worries about his role as Abraham Lincoln in the school play and takes Lois' advice to imagine a set of parents, leading to a memorable performance. Hal enlists Craig to help him find Malcolm a birthday present, but is driven nuts by his constant demands. Although Craig calls off the deal, he rescues Hal from buying a bad comic book and forces the owner into negotiations. The comic book goes to Dewey as compensation for missing his play, due to Hal and Lois having to ground both Reese and Malcolm for their pranks. Meanwhile Francis and Otto encounters a "devil cow" at the ranch and discovers it is just an ordinary cow long overdue for milking. | ||||||
| 69 | 6 | "Forbidden Girlfriend" | Jamie Babbit | Matthew Carlson | December 15, 2002 | 06-02-405 |
| Malcolm starts to date Nikki (Reagan Dale Neis), a girl from his school that he tutors in his free time. The only problem is her dad, who dislikes him, is kiss & good by Ryan (Dave Gallagher) and things are made worse when Lois is involved. Hal and Lois take abstinence pills in an attempt to be better parents, but the pills run out and they have a hard time staying apart. At the ranch, Otto is furious with a neighboring ranch constantly destroying the fence that Francis is building to keep the cattle inside, so that their own horses can reach water. In the end, Francis comes up with a simple solution of adding a gate in the fence. | ||||||
| 70 | 7 | "Malcolm Holds His Tongue" | Jeff Melman | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | January 5, 2003 | 06-02-410 |
| Malcolm decides to keep his opinions to himself, but he becomes so repressed that he is hospitalized with a stomach ulcer. Reese must enlist Craig to drive him and his girlfriend, Alison, to a concert. When Reese learns that Craig wants to go on a hayride date and won't let him renege, Alison ditches Reese to go to the concert alone, and he is forced to spend the evening with Craig. Hal starts practicing race-walking, and ends up having talents for it, until he makes a fierce rival, Wheeler. Hal also decides to take on a local speed-walker and buys a speed walking outfit. Hal makes a run at beating this "common jogger", after learning Wheeler's dirty secret. Francis has just received a pair of expensive pair of boots from Hal but soaks them in water to make them completely fit in their boots. | ||||||
| 71 | 8 | "Boys at Ranch" | David D'Ovidio | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | January 12, 2003 | 06-02-412 |
|
Hal and the boys visit Francis at the ranch. Everyone is shocked to find that Francis is a lot different from who they remember. As Hal gets depressed that the ranch succeeded where he failed in getting Francis to be responsible, the boys try to restore Francis to his old self by revealing a secret stash full of rockets and fireworks. Hal and Otto get drunk and end up stranded in the desert during the night. The boys set off the fireworks, helping to rescue Otto and Hal but blinding themselves. Absent: Jane Kaczmarek as Lois | ||||||
| 72 | 9 | "Grandma Sues" | Jimmy Simons | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | February 2, 2003 | 06-02-407 |
| Francis and Piama visits the family the same day Grandma Ida's last day of visit. However, Grandma Ida is injured by slipping on leaves Reese neglected to rake up, and she sues Lois and Hal – just when Lois discovers that she is pregnant. To make matters worse, she hires an expensive lawyer and sues for a vast sum. This turns to horror when they find out that their insurance is canceled, which could lead to Ida evicting them from their own home and taking all of their belongings. The boys band together with Piama in support for Hal and Lois. However, upon learning that the family has no insurance, the lawyer refuses to aid Ida, who instantly tries to get on their good terms, but they kick her out of the house. | ||||||
| 73 | 10 | "If Boys Were Girls" | Ken Kwapis | Story by : Alexandra Kaczenski Teleplay by : Nahnatchka Khan | February 9, 2003 | 06-02-408 |
| Hal asks Lois if she'd like the new baby to be another boy or a girl, but they are interrupted by the boys fighting. During a hellish trip to the mall with Hal, a fed up Lois imagines life with daughters instead of sons, with Reese as Renee (Mimi Paley), Malcolm as Mallory (Lisa Foiles), and Dewey as Daisy (Jennette McCurdy). Though the fantasy starts pleasantly, Lois soon discovers the problems with raising girls: Renee is promiscuous and pregnant by Mallory's crush, Mallory is an egotistical brat and a liar on a clandestine diet, and Daisy is a master manipulator. The problems are made worse with the arrival of Frances (Christopher Kennedy Masterson), who had followed her male counterpart by rebelling against Lois and leaving college. The girls gang up and blame Lois for all of their problems, just as the boys had done earlier, making Lois realize that girls are just as difficult to raise as boys. In the real world, Hal desperately searches for the perfect Valentine's Day present for Lois and settles for a baby's outfit. Though the boys are well behaved for once and have thoughtfully bought a heart-shaped candy box, Lois still wishes for the new baby to be a girl. | ||||||
| 74 | 11 | "Long Drive" | Levie Isaacks | Michael Borkow | March 2, 2003 | 06-02-409 |
| Reese is sent to prison for a day, where he clashes with a wrestler imprisoned for beating a man to death. Lois takes Malcolm on a lengthy drive to her sister's house, during which she tells him everything about sex. At first Malcolm is horrified, but they end up having a pleasant conversation. Dewey creates a feud in Hal's six-man band for his amusement. At the ranch, Francis blows up Otto's favorite cow in a branding accident, and cannot bring himself to tell him. | ||||||
| 75 | 12 | "Kicked Out" | Jeff Melman | Alex Reid | March 9, 2003 | 06-02-413 |
|
A combination of Malcolm's disgust at the house falling apart around them, and Hal's fear-induced "zero tolerance" attempts at maintaining peace and order in the family, results in Malcolm being kicked out of the house. The longer he has no home, the more his sanity begins to slip away. Hal finds Malcolm at his ex-girlfriend's house and agrees to keep this between them, knowing that Lois would have gone through greater lengths to find him. At the ranch, Otto's family arrives and Francis has to deal with Otto's piano-playing nephew who intentionally annoys him, which leads to him smashing his piano in front of Otto's family. Reese attaches a fire hose to his back for more speed on his bike, which ends in a disaster. Absent: Jane Kaczmarek as Lois | ||||||
| 76 | 13 | "Stereo Store" | Bryan Cranston | Matthew Carlson | March 16, 2003 | 06-02-414 |
|
Hal gets a second job at "U-Buy It." Meanwhile, Jessica (Hayden Panettiere), a girl from Malcolm's school, babysits Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey while Hal works the night shift, and she ends up embarrassing them in front of her friends. Francis accidentally hires a film crew to shoot a pornographic film at the Grotto, and tries to hide the truth from Otto and Gretchen. Absent: Jane Kaczmarek as Lois | ||||||
| 77 | 14 | "Hal's Friend" | Jeff Melman | Dan Kopelman | March 30, 2003 | 06-02-415 |
|
Hal meets with an old high-school friend, Larry (Joel Murray), who hasn't changed in all the time since they have seen each other. Hal claims Lois believes Larry is a horrible influence on him, which is proven right when Hal and Larry accidentally knocked down the bedroom's wall drunk. Malcolm and Stevie convinces their Krelboyne friend Dabney to become more independent from his overprotective mother. Dewey manipulates Reese to do favors for him by pretending Lois is giving Reese orders through the phone, even though there are no one on the other line. Meanwhile, whilst Piama and Gretchen are on vacation for the weekend, Otto stays with Francis in his bed but to Francis' horror, Otto screams uncontrollably in his sleep. Absent: Jane Kaczmarek as Lois | ||||||
| 78 | 15 | "Garage Sale" | Levie Isaacks | Maggie Bandur | April 6, 2003 | 06-02-416 |
| Home from a visit with her sister Susan who had called her "hopeless," Lois puts Reese in charge of the family garage sale to build his character, but he gets carried away with the authority. When Reese sells Dewey's piggy bank that had $16 inside it and Lois refuses to do anything about it, Dewey takes revenge on the family by selling all the valuable items inside the house (TV, stereo, bookshelf, etc.) Hal finds his old pirate radio transmitter and restarts the station he ran in college under the pseudonym Kid Charlemagne. However, he ends up in trouble with the police. Malcolm finds an old computer worth thousands of dollars and arranges to sell it to Craig. At the last second, Hal pulls Craig away to help continue transmitting his radio show, and Reese intentionally destroys it. Lois severely punishes Reese for his behavior. At the ranch, Otto becomes more and more depressed whilst dealing with his estrangement from his son Rutger, worrying Francis and Gretchen dearly. | ||||||
| 79 | 16 | "Academic Octathalon" | Todd Holland | Rob Hanning | April 13, 2003 | 06-02-411 |
| Mr. Herkabe forces Malcolm to join the academic octathlon team in an expensive hotel, where he encourages them to cheat. Malcolm chooses to make everyone pay by giving all the teams the contest answers he stole. Dewey alienates Hal after telling him he's too big for their bedtime ritual. Reese tries to avoid going to a dance with Alison because he does not want to spend money on a tux, but Lois forces him to keep his promise. After attempting to injure himself before being stopped by Alison, she holds him to his promise but she dumps him in the end, after they finished the dance. | ||||||
| 80 | 17 | "Clip Show 2" | Levie Isaacks | Maggie Bandur & Dan Kopelman | April 20, 2003 | 06-02-422 |
| Hal and Lois are penning their will, and think back to all the trouble their sons put them through. Hal forewarned against making out the will because neither he and Lois are equipped for the task and wanted to go to a professional to make out the will. Lois' history with Francis is finally revealed and how her inability to admit when she is wrong lead to a lot of the problems the family has been dealing with. | ||||||
| 81 | 18 | "Reese's Party" | Levie Isaacks | Andy Bobrow | April 27, 2003 | 06-02-418 |
| Reese decides to throw a party while Lois and Hal take a last weekend getaway before the baby is born. Unfortunately, he invites Francis' friend Donnie and his gang, on the same night that Malcolm had planned a romantic dinner with his new girlfriend Kathy (Danielle Panabaker), and they turn the party into a crystal meth operation. When Francis fails to blackmail Donnie into leaving, Dewey solves the situation by tattling on the delinquents to their mothers. Hal and Lois have a miserable time at the honeymoon hotel after it is revealed that Hal lied to Lois about him getting a vasectomy. | ||||||
| 82 | 19 | "Future Malcolm" | Ken Kwapis | Story by : Ron Corcillo & A.J. Poulin Teleplay by : Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | May 4, 2003 | 06-02-417 |
| At the park, Malcolm meets a depressed middle-aged man (Jason Alexander) who has much in common with him. Fearing that this might be his future self, Malcolm tries to help him to improve his life. Lois can't understand why she is gaining weight in spite of her dieting attempts. Dewey keeps playing stunts, using the excuse that the baby "told" him to. Lois is about to punish him, saying the baby is not talking to him, when Dewey tells her the baby "says" to look behind her, revealing Hal is making her gain weight. Francis gets a swelled ego when he and Piama find employment as nude models. | ||||||
| 83 | 20 | "Baby: Part 1" | Jimmy Simons | Rob Hanning | May 11, 2003 | 06-02-419 |
| Lois goes into labor while Hal and the boys are at a bridal exposition (which Hal had mistaken for car exposition). Ida moves in after her apartment burns down and she refuses to stay with Susan. After realizing that Ida has a fear of black people, Francis, Lois, and Piama enlist Abe and his poker buddies to help scare Ida out of the house, but Ida decides to stay when Lois' water breaks. Malcolm has been accepted to a boarding school in England, but Hal forbids him to go because the family cannot function without him. They rush to the car park, but they are busted by security for prior offenses. | ||||||
| 84 | 21 | "Baby: Part 2" | Jamie Babbit | Michael Borkow | May 18, 2003 | 06-02-420 |
| A frantic Hal crashes the car while trying to get home to Lois. Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey take a parenting class to be better brothers to their new sibling, but realize everything they were taught in the class is the opposite of what their parents did for them. Piama and Lois trick Susan and Ida into clearing up the misunderstanding between them to get Ida to leave. Francis is forced to help Lois give birth when the paramedics do not arrive in time. They manage to deliver the baby, who is named Jamie. | ||||||
| 85 | 22 | "Day Care" | Steve Love | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | May 18, 2003 | 06-02-421 |
| A church-run daycare center accepts Lois' wailing newborn, but it comes with a price. Not only must Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey must attend Bible-study classes, but Hal and Lois are expected to take part in the church community. Malcolm and Dewey both hate it, Hal bonds well with the church members, Reese accepts God, and Lois had an epiphany of being a terrible mother to her own children. Meanwhile, a rival ranch reports an alien sighting, so Francis fabricates a sighting on Otto's ranch, which gets him arrested. | ||||||
Season 5 (2003–04)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 86 | 1 | "Vegas" | Bryan Cranston | Michael Glouberman & Andrew Orenstein | November 2, 2003 | 06-03-501 |
| The family travels to Las Vegas, where Reese and Dewey show an obese rabbit at a competition, Hal is convinced he has had a prophetic dream about winning at a slot machine, and Lois goes backstage with her favorite singer Boone Vincent (David Cassidy). Meanwhile, Francis begins getting overwhelmed with the workload at the ranch, capping off by falling into and being trapped with Otto in a well he was supposed to have fixed. | ||||||
| 87 | 2 | "Watching the Baby" | Levie Isaacks | Alex Reid | November 9, 2003 | 06-03-502 |
| Attractive, popular girls want to be seen with Reese, Malcolm, and Stevie as revenge on their boyfriends, so the boys stick Dewey with babysitting Jamie. Dewey tells Jamie an elaborate story in which their parents are secretly wealthy and have a hidden "secret good house" in their closet, where they also own a robotic version of Francis as a slave. Working at the Lucky Aide when he can't pay for Jamie's diapers, Hal discovers that Craig tortures the graveyard-shift employers while he does nothing, so Hal helps them rebel. | ||||||
| 88 | 3 | "Goodbye Kitty" | Jimmy Simons | Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson | November 16, 2003 | 06-03-503 |
| When Stevie finds out his mother has divorced his father, he falls into a depression and Malcolm tries to cheer him up. Lois' high-school diary falls into Reese's backpack and he reads it and becomes infatuated with the diarist — and is horrified to find out her identity. Dewey regresses into babyhood, appalling Lois. Meanwhile, neither Francis nor Otto can bear to put a horse with a deadly infection to sleep. | ||||||
| 89 | 4 | "Thanksgiving" | David D'Ovidio | Matthew Carlson | November 23, 2003 | 06-03-504 |
| Reese aspires to prepare the perfect Thanksgiving dinner with Hal and Dewey's help. Lois intervenes when Francis and Piama seem headed for divorce. Malcolm goes to a party instead of staying with the family; he spends half the time wondering if Kirstin (Alessandra Torresani) is flirting with him, then he gets completely drunk. He arrives home and vomits into the turkey. | ||||||
| 90 | 5 | "Malcolm Films Reese" | Levie Isaacks | Dan Kopelman | November 30, 2003 | 06-03-505 |
| Malcolm films Reese for a school psychology assignment. He then discovers that he is an unwitting participant in one of Mr. Herkabe's experiments, which portrays him as a sadistic maniac, and he loses Reese's trust. In revenge, he breaks into Herkabe's office to reveal the other students' dirty secrets, including his own. Hal fears he will lose his job when top officials at his company are arrested for embezzlement. Lois' washer and dryer keep breaking down. When Dewey skips school, he starts earning big money working as a street magician. Soon, Hal and Lois find his stash of money, but they assume it is theirs and end up using it to buy a new washer and dryer. Otto is excited that the local newspaper will contain a review of the Grotto, but it turns out to be a scathing one. Francis persuades Charles Cutter, the critic who reviewed the ranch, to return and re-evaluate it. Cutler's criticism turns out to be nothing but verbal abuse as he insults every aspect of the compound, resulting in Francis and Otto beating him up. The newspapers trumpet the story, and the Grotto's business begins to boom again, because many businesses despised Cutler and are happy to see that he got what he deserved. | ||||||
| 91 | 6 | "Malcolm's Job" | Steve Welch | Maggie Bandur | December 7, 2003 | 06-03-506 |
| Lois makes Malcolm and Reese get jobs. Reese finds a job at the local slaughterhouse, but Malcolm is forced to work with Lois at the Lucky Aide. Malcolm catches Lois smoking on her break and thinks she is a hypocrite. Hal takes a nursing class run by Polly to spend more time with Jamie, but he and the other dads soon start betting on their babies. Sick of Reese and Malcolm's bullying, Dewey runs away to the ranch to visit his "good brother", Francis. | ||||||
| 92 | 7 | "Christmas Trees" | Steve Love | Alex Reid | December 14, 2003 | 06-03-507 |
| Hal, Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey go into business selling Christmas trees, but two priests send homeless people to frighten away their customers, since Hal is selling the trees cheaper than the church. Craig is bitten by a squirrel, and Lois orders her co-workers and some homeless people to catch the squirrel to prove that Craig won't need the painful shots. When Otto's family visits the ranch, they seem so much like Francis' family that he gets homesick. | ||||||
| 93 | 8 | "Block Party" | Levie Isaacks | Rob Ulin | January 4, 2004 | 06-03-508 |
| Returning early from vacation, the family discovers that their neighbors have been celebrating their yearly absence with a block party. Reese and Dewey scheme to make quick cash by letting kids beat up Reese, Hal and Lois join the kielbasa-eating contest, and Malcolm inadvertently aids a burglar. Meanwhile, Francis finds himself assigned to breeding cows, the most disgusting job at the ranch. | ||||||
| 94 | 9 | "Dirty Magazine" | Bryan Cranston | Eric Kaplan | January 11, 2004 | 06-03-509 |
| Malcolm decides to publish a student's brilliant story in the school newsletter despite its vulgar language. Principal Block (Kurtwood Smith) censors him, but Malcolm contacts the ACLU, who forces him not to censor the story. Block cancels all extracurricular activities and only reinstates them when Malcolm calls off the ACLU, but Malcolm gets revenge on Block by publishing his own magazine just outside the school grounds, also containing the story. During work, Hal has a close counter with his new female supervisor, of whom Lois encourages him to continue to flirt with to avoid him getting fired. Reese attempts to manipulate Dewey to prove he is smarter then he is. Meanwhile, Francis tries to teach Otto how to dance for Otto and Gretchen's 25th anniversary, only to realize Otto is a terrible dancer. | ||||||
| 95 | 10 | "Hot Tub" | Jimmy Simons | Andy Bobrow | January 25, 2004 | 06-03-510 |
| Hal buys a hot tub without telling Lois, but it turns into a swamp when he neglects to clean it. Malcolm finally gets his learner's permit, and gets mixed up in a fight between Polly and her ex-boyfriend. Reese steals Dewey's new friend Noah, who had actually befriended Dewey to get to Reese to ask him to beat up Noah's bullies. Meanwhile, Manfred Schmidt — former fiancé to Gretchen, former best friend to Otto — visits the ranch. Otto reveals to Francis he actually stole Gretchen away from Manfred. | ||||||
| 96 | 11 | "Ida's Boyfriend" | Peter Lauer | Neil Thompson | February 8, 2004 | 06-03-512 |
| Ida brings a wealthy Chinese man, Mr. Li (James Hong) to whom she is engaged to the family's house for a dinner, informing them of her plans to fly to Hong Kong to live with him. Malcolm gets his tongue pierced, but it swells up, and he must hide it and the resulting lisp from Lois until the wedding ends. Reese smashes Dewey's new toy in front of him, so Dewey pretends Reese does not exist. Malcolm discovers that Ida is drugging the man by making him drink opiate-laced tea to change his mood, allowing her to take advantage of him and get his money. When she attempts her drug laced tea again, it goes awry as the whole family is drugged. Li comes out of the effects of the drugs and breaks up with Ida. Lois punishes everyone for their behavior and decrees that no one will encourage drug use again. Meanwhile at the ranch, Otto hires an acting troop to stage a murder mystery, but the actor's over-dramatic performances are causing more chaos then expected. | ||||||
| 97 | 12 | "Softball" | Ken Kwapis | Michael Glouberman | February 15, 2004 | 06-03-511 |
| Malcolm joins the Lucky Aide softball team to get away from Lois' wrath on the job — but she has recently become the coach. Francis drives home to prove to Lois that he is not lazy, but Lois refuses to admit that she is wrong until Hal intervenes. Dewey dares Reese to outdo one of Francis' old stunts. | ||||||
| 98 | 13 | "Lois' Sister" | David D'Ovidio | Gary Murphy | February 22, 2004 | 06-03-513 |
| Lois' sister Susan (Laurie Metcalf) visits, bringing generous gifts for the whole family. Suspicious, Lois eventually learns that Susan needs a new kidney and tries to donate one to her, and Susan begrudgingly accepts. Dewey breaks into the garage to use his new cotton candy machine, and Reese and Malcolm joyride in their new Mustang until they are arrested. Meanwhile, Francis "leads" a group of Girl Scouts on a wilderness campout journey through the desert. | ||||||
| 99 | 14 | "Malcolm Dates a Family" | Steve Welch | Rob Ulin | March 14, 2004 | 06-03-514 |
| Lois boycotts Luigi's Pizza, the family's favorite restaurant, after discovering they were forcing them to tip without notice, rendering the boys and Hal unable to eat the pizza without being grounded by Lois. Hal and the boys sneak Luigi's pizzas in the garage. Malcolm gets more involved with his new girlfriend's (Sara Paxton) intellectual family than with her, and she eventually ditches him for ignoring her, forcing the family to kick him out and replace him with Stevie. Meanwhile, the family is watching a TV report about Lois' scheme to close Luigi's when they catch Malcolm there with his friends, which prompts Reese to accidentally confesses that they have been sneaking pizza too. Meanwhile, Otto hires a personal assistant for Francis, only for Francis to end up relying on him for everything, which even includes moving his arms. | ||||||
| 100 | 15 | "Reese's Apartment" | David Grossman | Dan Kopelman | March 21, 2004 | 06-03-515 |
| When Lois and Hal find out about the most disgusting and terrible thing Reese has done yet, they kick him out of the house. Francis tries to defend Reese and bring him home (without knowing what he did). Dewey enjoys trashing Reese's things and sleeping on his bed. Lois finds that Reese's grades are improving and he takes care of himself, he is also $20,000 in credit card debt. They drag him home and Malcolm narrates that she has spent over a month finding a suitable punishment for him. | ||||||
| 101 | 16 | "Malcolm Visits College" | Peter Lauer | David Wright | March 28, 2004 | 06-03-517 |
| Malcolm looks forward to visiting college — until Lois comes along and they meet the power-hungry dorm head, Leland. When Hal refuses to buy Dewey a piano, Dewey steals items from around the house to build one. Reese pretends to be a drug dealer to befriend a student who turns out to be an undercover cop. Francis and Otto try to help out at a daycare, but Otto gets the kids drunk. | ||||||
| 102 | 17 | "Polly in the Middle" | Steve Love | Matthew Carlson | April 25, 2004 | 06-03-516 |
| Polly the babysitter (Julie Hagerty) is caught in a love triangle between Abe and Craig after Lois sets her up with Craig and Hal sets her up with Abe — unbeknownst to each other — and she enjoys spending time with both of them. Malcolm becomes fed up with Dewey's belief in a lucky shirt, believing he is just being superstitious. Meanwhile, Francis finds himself more and more dominated by Piama's fiery personality, feeling embarrassed in front of his co-ranchers. | ||||||
| 103 | 18 | "Dewey's Special Class" | David D'Ovidio | Maggie Bandur | May 2, 2004 | 06-03-519 |
| Malcolm coaches Dewey on how to "throw" an IQ test so he will not end up in the Krelboyne class. When he refuses and announces his intent to join the Krelboynes, Malcolm enlists Reese to take the test for Dewey. However, his poor test-taking skills lands Dewey in the emotionally disturbed "Busey" class instead of keeping him in the regular class. Reese tries to figure out what type of genius he is. Hal and Craig enter a Dance Dance Revolution-style contest. In the cold opening, during a public ceremony of blowing up a dam, Otto and Francis realized they swapped the dynamites meant for the dam for the picnic cooler meant for the audience, resulting in the destruction of Francis's truck. | ||||||
| 104 | 19 | "Experiment" | Bryan Cranston | Alex Reid | May 2, 2004 | 06-03-518 |
| Stevie and Malcolm try to figure out how Reese managed to separate two bases for an enzyme for a medical experiment when he refuses to tell them. Dewey sells chocolate bars by fibbing (with Francis' help). Meanwhile, Francis teaches assertiveness to a runt pig. | ||||||
| 105 | 20 | "Victor's Other Family" | David Grossman | Eric Kaplan | May 9, 2004 | 06-03-520 |
| Lois, Reese, Jamie, and Malcolm go to Manitoba to meet Victor's secret family. The boys get along and even have fun with their newfound cousins, and everything is fine until Ida arrives, demanding Victor's pension. Lois reluctantly helps her get it, until she discovers that Ida lied to her and Victor is not her biological father. Dewey dreads Hal running with him since bad things always happen before such events between them. During the cold opening, Francis must deal with an amorous horse and cow sharing a stall. Betty White guest stars as Victor's other wife, Sylvia. | ||||||
| 106 | 21 | "Reese Joins the Army: Part 1" | Steve Love | Andy Bobrow | May 16, 2004 | 06-03-521 |
| Reese's new girlfriend Beth is about as dumb as he is. Malcolm initially dislikes her but they soon grow to like each other too much and Beth breaks up with Reese. Devastated, Reese runs away and joins the army under the false surname "Jetson." Hal's company goes under, and two corrupted FBI officers want him to falsely testify against his employer. He refuses, but they have him arrested when the employer provides false testimony against Hal. Lois stresses out when she must work overtime at Lucky Aide to make ends meet; eventually her snappy demeanor and mounting mental instability get her fired. Dewey enters a piano contest and is angry when no one notices. | ||||||
| 107 | 22 | "Reese Joins the Army: Part 2" | Peter Lauer | Andrew Orenstein | May 23, 2004 | 06-03-522 |
| The company uses Hal as a scapegoat and Lois has become more mentally unstable. When Francis learns that she may no longer be able to care for his siblings, he enlists Malcolm to help forge their father's signature in a legal document that would declare Lois mentally incompetent, emancipate Malcolm, and give Francis and Piama custody of Dewey and Jamie. Malcolm admits he can forge only Lois' signature, while the missing Reese knows Hal's signature. Meanwhile, Reese becomes a top-class soldier in training and makes his way with his squad into a Ranger mission in Afghanistan. Malcolm finds evidence that destroys the prosecution's case against Hal, but also infuriates Lois and snaps her out of it. | ||||||
Season 6 (2004–05)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 108 | 1 | "Reese Comes Home: Part 3" | Todd Holland | Matthew Carlson | November 7, 2004 | 06-04-602 |
| Reese, as soon as he lands in Afghanistan, panics and deserts the army. He dresses as a local woman to help him get away, accidentally getting married in the process. Lois, having recovered from her mental breakdown and on a mission to find him, travels to Kabul, selling the family car to afford the trip and hiring locals for the help. Malcolm volunteers at a veterans' hospital to alleviate his guilt of making Reese leave. | ||||||
| 109 | 2 | "Buseys Run Away" | Bryan Cranston | Michael Glouberman | November 14, 2004 | 06-04-601 |
| After learning that Dewey will be leaving their class, the Buseys run away and hide in the trees near his house, forcing Dewey to look after their needs. Unemployed Hal becomes the leader of a group of dimwitted body builders, eventually teaching them basic things, they do favors for him in return. Lois punishes Reese and Malcolm for their firework fiasco in the movie theatre. This causes both of them to believe Dewey told on them, so they try to entrap him, but they are punished even more when Lois overhears their plans. | ||||||
| 110 | 3 | "Standee" | David D'Ovidio | Rob Ulin | November 21, 2004 | 06-04-603 |
| When Hal and the garbageman get into a trash-dumping war, he enlists Reese's help to steal his garbage truck. Lois gets her job back at Lucky Aide, and fights against Malcolm in order to take down an offensive store display. | ||||||
| 111 | 4 | "Pearl Harbor" | Peter Lauer | Neil Thompson | December 5, 2004 | 06-04-606 |
| Jessica (Hayden Panettiere), Malcolm and Reese's teenaged neighbor, tricks each of them into believing the other is gay. Reese and Malcolm get back at Jessica by giving Malcolm a hickey, which leads Lois to blame Jessica for it and punish her. Hal, tired of competing with a neighbor who always outdoes his Christmas decorations, decorates his house for Pearl Harbor Day. Dewey is writing a report on Hal being his hero, but when Hal rips his report because Dewey lied about him, Dewey does his report on Lois instead. After the neighbor outdoes Hal again for Pearl Harbor Day, Dewey reconciles with Hal and together they dump worms on the neighbor's decorations, attracting birds that knock all of the decorations down and defecate all over them. | ||||||
| 112 | 5 | "Kitty's Back" | Peter Lauer | Matthew Carlson | December 12, 2004 | 06-04-604 |
| Kitty (Merrin Dungey) returns after having done everything imaginable and wants to return to her family, to Lois' dismay. Though Hal wants to forgive her, Lois refuses and orders Kitty to stay away from Abe and Stevie. Francis comes home and puts Dewey through the torturous "Brotherhood Initiation", then teaches Dewey about a fool-proof way to get out of trouble from his parents. Malcolm helps Stevie write an acceptance speech for his etiquette award, but then gets into a feud over their mothers. Meanwhile, Reese gets a full-body sunburn so he can peel his entire body at once like a snake. | ||||||
| 113 | 6 | "Hal's Christmas Gift" | David Grossman | Alex Reid | December 19, 2004 | 06-04-605 |
| Hal and Lois are strapped for cash as Christmas approaches. Things get even worse when the now unemployed and broke Francis and Piama decide to come home for the holiday, and Lois gets into a car-crashing war with a woman. As a result, they decide that the Christmas gifts will have to be homemade this year. When the family makes much better gifts than Hal, he promises them that he's going to take them somewhere wonderful and drives around aimlessly looking for somewhere that's as amazing as he claims. Malcolm feels excluded when Reese and Dewey have fun together. | ||||||
| 114 | 7 | "Hal Sleepwalks" | David D'Ovidio | Gary Murphy | January 16, 2005 | 06-04-607 |
| Hal gets so stressed out over finding a 20th anniversary present for Lois that he starts losing sleep, which prompts Reese to try to brainwash his semiconscious father. A school bully nominates two of Dewey's classmates for student body president, and Dewey nominates the bully, sparking a bizarre three-way election battle. Malcolm takes up the electric guitar despite Lois' warnings that he will fail at it. | ||||||
| 115 | 8 | "Lois Battles Jamie" | Steve Welch | Michael Glouberman | January 23, 2005 | 06-04-608 |
| Lois begins to think she is losing her touch when Jamie seems too much for her to handle. When Hal realizes that Lois is losing her confidence, he brings Francis home in order for him to explain to Lois how was she able to have confidence as a mother. Lois finds out that Reese has feeding Jamie "super energy soda". The other boys bring home a diving board and Reese tries to think up the craziest possible stunt to pull with it. | ||||||
| 116 | 9 | "Malcolm's Car" | Peter Lauer | Alex Reid | January 30, 2005 | 06-04-610 |
| When Malcolm spots a decrepit 1968 Plymouth Barracuda V8 in his neighborhood on sale, he instantly falls in love with it and purchases the car. He becomes so obsessed with restoring it that he ignores his friends, then becomes trapped within the car and nearly succumbs to carbon monoxide poisoning. Hal stumbles upon his hidden talent for hairstyling. Craig says he is taking time off to tutor his boss Fred's wife in golf, but Lois finds out he is actually having an affair with her. | ||||||
| 117 | 10 | "Billboard" | Bryan Cranston | Rob Ulin | February 13, 2005 | 06-04-609 |
| When Lois catches the boys vandalizing a billboard for a strip club, Malcolm alters the vandalism into a women's rights protest to avoid punishment, which sparks a colossal media circus. After Hal grants a TV interview, a woman from his past turns up at the faux protest. Reese, inspired by the giant billboard stripper who comes to life in his dreams, gives an impassioned speech about the objectification of women, while Lois tries to find a way to get the boys down without creating a wrath in front of the media. Eventually, Lois lies to the press that Dewey has a serious medical condition, and the police make them come down. | ||||||
| 118 | 11 | "Dewey's Opera" | Linwood Boomer | Eric Kaplan | February 20, 2005 | 06-04-611 |
| When Lois buys a brand-new king-sized bed, Hal thinks that her motive is to put more distance between them and refuses to sleep in it. Moved to tears by an opera he sees on television, Dewey is inspired to write his own operatic masterpiece based on his parents' quarrels, "The Marriage Bed", which is turned into a school production. Malcolm and Reese build their own street luge board and Malcolm gets into a feud with a mystery rider who keeps forcing him off the road. When he makes a bet against the mysterious street luger, he is horrified to learn that it is Stevie and loses his bet. However, Stevie breaks both his arms in an accident. Jamie has his first crush, on a girl in a house across from the family's, but the girl becomes attracted to another boy. | ||||||
| 119 | 12 | "Living Will" | Steve Love | Jennifer Celotta | March 6, 2005 | 06-04-612 |
| Hal is named executor of his neighbor's living will and must decide whether to keep him on life support or pull the plug. The stress of making this life-or-death decision induces a psychosomatic paralysis of his upper body. However, Lois snaps Hal out of it when she reminds him that he made a good decision once by marrying her instead of Susan, leading Hal to uncover a third option. Craig asks the boys to teach him how to fight dirty since a bully from his childhood is coming back to town, which is revealed to be his own father, Mr. Feldspar. | ||||||
| 120 | 13 | "Tiki Lounge" | Peter Lauer | Jay Kogen | March 13, 2005 | 06-04-613 |
| When Hal and Lois realize how little time they spend together, Hal turns the garage into a private tiki lounge where he and Lois can retreat. Things go smoothly until they feud over philosophical beliefs, eventually stressing out in the lounge. Herkabe cons Malcolm into joining the Booster Club, where he learns a lesson about taking one for the team, which helps him to reconcile Lois and Hal. Worried over having two geniuses in the family teaming up against him and believing that Jamie has the same intelligence as him, Reese suggests they team up. | ||||||
| 121 | 14 | "Ida Loses a Leg" | Steve Welch | Andy Bobrow | March 20, 2005 | 06-04-614 |
| During Grandma Ida's unwelcome visit with the family, she loses her leg while saving Dewey from a moving truck. Consumed with guilt, Dewey is determined to find Ida's leg and give it the proper burial. Francis begrudgingly becomes Ida's caretaker at Lois' admonition. He soon learns that not only do they both despise Lois, but she was responsible for leaving him at his grandmother's house. Malcolm and Reese get a new idea for a prank that forces them to stay awake for days on end to avoid the embarrassment of having their faces glued to the floor. | ||||||
| 122 | 15 | "Chad's Sleepover" | David D'Ovidio | Rob Ulin | March 27, 2005 | 06-04-615 |
| After Hal forbids Dewey from inviting his peculiar classmate Chad over for a sleepover, Dewey asks Lois instead. Malcolm and Reese find out that they are not as popular as they once thought, and plot "revenge" on their classmates. Lois searches for the warranty papers on her 10-year-old blender that she wishes to return for minor infractions. | ||||||
| 123 | 16 | "No Motorcycles" | Jimmy Simons | Andy Bobrow | April 3, 2005 | 06-04-618 |
| When Francis and Piama choose to celebrate Francis' 21st birthday at the house, Hal is reminded of a promise he made to a young Francis after missing his son's play, involving a motorcycle trip. Hal and Francis sneak off and have a great time until it emerges that Francis has been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, upsetting Hal, who is reminded of just how much he's missed out on. Lois and Piama finally start to bond over their anger towards their husbands. Malcolm, Dewey, and Reese are held captive in their own home by a bully who wants to beat one of them up. | ||||||
| 124 | 17 | "Butterflies" | David Grossman | Michael Glouberman | April 10, 2005 | 06-04-616 |
| Malcolm discovers a man, Norm, living in the Lucky Aide. He agrees to keep Norm's secret as long as he provides Malcolm with tidbits on his new crush (Mandy Musgrave), a fellow Lucky Aide employee, until Lois finds out. Malcolm reveals too much information to the girl, making her think that he is stalking her. When Reese takes a job as an exterminator, he quickly learns that to drum up business he must infest the neighbors' lawns with caterpillars. He has a change of heart and begins to nurture them, only to be overwhelmed when they turn into butterflies and swarm on him. | ||||||
| 125 | 18 | "Ida's Dance" | Steve Welch | Eric Kaplan | April 17, 2005 | 06-04-619 |
| Lois goes over to visit Ida, but gets unpleasantly surprised by the "St. Grotus Day festival", where Ida and her elderly friends make Lois miserable. Malcolm fails a music appreciation course, and reluctantly goes to Dewey for some tutoring. Reese and Hal secretly watch scary movies while Lois is not around, but it ends up revealing some unexpected secrets about both Reese and Hal. | ||||||
| 126 | 19 | "Motivational Speaker" | Steve Love | Rob Ulin | April 24, 2005 | 06-04-620 |
| Reese begins hanging out with a pack of dogs who think of him as their new alpha leader. Dewey gets in trouble with Lois after she finds out that he is seeing another mom, and attempts to get her back with a huge tattoo on his chest. Hal accidentally becomes a motivational speaker for his co-workers, but drops it when he motivates a man into taking over his job. | ||||||
| 127 | 20 | "Stilts" | Linwood Boomer | Michael Glouberman | May 1, 2005 | 06-04-622 |
| After Lois and Hal are reminded of the tight budget they must uphold, Hal discovers one of the boys has been dialing a 900 number. His attempt to explain the error to the hotline's billing department turns awry when he forgets to hang up the phone one evening and finds out about it in the morning, incurring a whopping $800 charge. Reese takes a job at a research clinic that pays him to take experimental pills. Malcolm takes on a humiliating job at the Lucky Aide as a costumed Uncle Sam on stilts. Dewey discovers that Jamie is finding old jewelry Francis hid from Lois. | ||||||
| 128 | 21 | "Buseys Take a Hostage" | David D'Ovidio | Gary Murphy | May 8, 2005 | 06-04-621 |
| When Hal decides to attend his first annual Neighborhood Association meeting with Malcolm, he is strongly encouraged to take on the role of President. Malcolm sees a perfect opportunity to add some excitement to the community, but is soon appalled when he learns of Hal's authoritarian agenda. Francis takes on a new job as a camp activities coordinator and turns to Dewey for his input on some creative new games, only for Dewey to discover the games are actually for kids with intellectual disability. Reese has to study hard for his finals. He fails all of them on purpose and is forced to repeat his Senior year. | ||||||
| 129 | 22 | "Mrs. Tri-County" | David D'Ovidio | Gary Murphy | May 15, 2005 | 06-04-617 |
| The boys enter Lois in the Mrs. Tri-County Pageant as a joke. When they overhear the other contestants remarking that Lois doesn't have a chance of winning, they plot to help their mother take the crown. Malcolm is blackmailed into delivering love notes to a contestant for Herkabe, and Reese discovers that, according to the pageant manual's specifications, he is beautiful. | ||||||
Season 7 (2005–06)
| No. overall | No. in season | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original air date | Prod. code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 130 | 1 | "Burning Man" | Peter Lauer | Michael Glouberman | September 30, 2005 | 06-05-701 |
| Malcolm and Reese attempt to hitch their way to the annual Burning Man festival, but are caught. When Hal and Lois demand an explanation, Malcolm makes the event sound so interesting that they decide to make the trip as well and turn it into a family vacation. At the festival, everyone heads out to partake in the activities except Hal and Dewey; Hal is scared of the Burning Man attendants who mistake his bourgeois lifestyle as an ironical persiflage of society, while Dewey has to do all the chores around the RV. Reese and Lois fit right in at the festival, while Malcolm has sex with a healer (Rosanna Arquette). Reese is nominated to "burn the man down" which will bring the event to an end, but cannot accept that it has ended, and in his attempts to keep the weekend going he accidentally torches the RV. Hal and Dewey are forced to work "dirty jobs" to repay the RV, Malcolm ends up depressed, and Lois and Reese agree in secret to return the following year. | ||||||
| 131 | 2 | "Health Insurance" | Steve Welch | Rob Ulin | October 7, 2005 | 06-05-702 |
| Hal finds out that the family has been without health insurance for six months and tries to safeguard the house until Monday, when the insurance is put back into effect. His over-protection of the house and the boys ends when he accidentally breaks his leg. He then goes to great lengths to keep Lois from finding out. Lois tries to fish out a snitch at the Lucky Aide store. | ||||||
| 132 | 3 | "Reese vs. Stevie" | Linwood Boomer | Alex Reid | October 21, 2005 | 06-05-703 |
| An angry Reese threatens Stevie, who dreads a retaliation. Dewey becomes addicted to cigarettes, thanks to ex-smoker Hal's many stashes around the house, so he tries to help Dewey quit. Lois tries to make Jamie talk by telling him about her high school years, but goes on so long that his first words are "Shut up". | ||||||
| 133 | 4 | "Halloween" | David D'Ovidio | Andy Bobrow | October 28, 2005 | 06-05-704 |
| Hal freaks out when Malcolm gives him the details of a grisly mass murder that occurred in the house years ago. Lois is working on Halloween and catches a shoplifter as everyone else at Lucky Aide throws a wild party. Reese and Dewey lose track of Jamie as they flee from an angry elderly neighbor named Mr. Sheldon (Jack Axelrod) after egging his house, while Lois gets arrested for kidnapping when she picks up the wrong child. | ||||||
| 134 | 5 | "Jessica Stays Over" | Alex Reid | Matthew Carlson | November 4, 2005 | 06-05-705 |
| Jessica (Hayden Panettiere) moves in on a temporary basis and teaches Malcolm how to manipulate others, but when he uses her tricks on Lois he feels something he has never felt before, empathy. Hal fights back against a bee who is out for revenge for killing the rest of his hive. Reese attempts to mail himself to China in a crate to beat up his pen pal, but what he thinks is a transatlantic journey is just Dewey torturing him. | ||||||
| 135 | 6 | "Secret Boyfriend" | Peter Lauer | Gary Murphy | November 11, 2005 | 06-05-706 |
| Malcolm is in love with a hot and secretly brainy girl named Vicki (Sarah Wright) who fears ruining her image by seeing him publicly. Reese is kicked out of the house for refusing to get a job. Hal is in a heated conflict with the owner of a miniature golf course because he will not give Dewey a free game. | ||||||
| 136 | 7 | "Blackout" | Steve Welch | Eric Kaplan | November 18, 2005 | 06-05-707 |
| A power outage caused by Jamie's balloon disrupts Lois and Hal's anniversary and reveals Malcolm's trysts with young European women. Reese tries to cook Kobe beef for Hal, Francis tries to steal a fish he and Hal caught years ago, and Dewey is upse that he cannot pick dinner. The entire sequence of events is revealed through several replays from different points of view, which all start from the outage. | ||||||
| 137 | 8 | "Army Buddy" | Peter Lauer | Neil Thompson | December 2, 2005 | 06-05-708 |
| Reese's old army buddy Abby (Larisa Oleynik) visits, and she has feelings for Lois. When Lois finds renewed energy with orthotic inserts for her shoes, Hal fears she will not look to him for support anymore and plots to destroy the inserts. Malcolm gives Dewey a box of junk in order to pay off a $10 debt. When one of the comics inside turns out to be rare and valuable, Dewey forces Malcolm to do embarrassing things in order to get the money back. | ||||||
| 138 | 9 | "Malcolm Defends Reese" | Bryan Cranston | Matthew Carlson | December 16, 2005 | 06-05-709 |
| Malcolm and Reese end up in the same class since Reese failed the previous year. Mr. Herkabe, who may lose his award for the school's highest GPA to Malcolm, gleefully humiliates Reese every day until he agrees to start failing his classes. However when Malcolm learns Herkabe's embarrassing secret in flunking Gym and lying about not taking the course for years, he turns the tide against him by telling the school's principal, Mr. Hodges (Steve Vinovich), about it. End Result: Herkabe loses his GPA award and has to retake Gym with Reese whom is having the time of his life embarrassing the former as payback for the torments he went through. Jamie's new babysitter (Kathryn Joosten) drives Lois crazy with her nonstop talking. | ||||||
| 139 | 10 | "Malcolm's Money" | Steve Love | Michael Glouberman | January 6, 2006 | 06-05-710 |
| Malcolm begins to fuss about his high school yearbook photo. He also receives a $10,000 education reward unknown for him, and when Hal and Lois find out, they want to spend it on themselves. | ||||||
| 140 | 11 | "Bride of Ida" | Linwood Boomer | Rob Ulin | January 13, 2006 | 06-05-711 |
| Dewey, Lois and Hal go out of town to St. Louis for a piano competition and, as punishment for an earlier prank, Lois has Grandma Ida watch Malcolm and Reese. They end up missing their plane, and while waiting, Hal finds a man's membership card to a prestigious airport club. Hal is horrified to find that the man was a wealthy diplomat deciding whether to sever foreign relations with eastern Asian countries. Grandma Ida makes Reese marry Ida's helper, Raduca (Rheagan Wallace), but only if he defeats Malcolm in three challenges. When Lois, Dewey and Hal return, they find out that Ida has gone while Reese has run away with Raduca to Las Vegas to get married. | ||||||
| 141 | 12 | "College Recruiters" | Peter Lauer | Jay Kogen | January 29, 2006 | 06-05-712 |
| A broke Francis gets talked into getting a real job by Dewey. Back home, Hal takes over the college recruiters, which Malcolm refuses to meet with, and treats each one as a suitor. However, Hal's plans are ruined when Malcolm chooses to go to Harvard. Reese and Raduca's marriage ends when Lois and Reese catch Raduca cheating. | ||||||
| 142 | 13 | "Mono" | David D'Ovidio | Andy Bobrow | February 12, 2006 | 06-05-713 |
| Lois discovers she has mono after a visit to the doctor. She then ends up giving it to Malcolm. As a result, both Lois and Malcolm are forced to spend two weeks together in the same room. Hal is invited to all of his neighbors' parties. Although happy at first, Hal is horrified when he learns just how much they hate Lois and celebrate the days she won't be attending any of them. Dewey makes Jamie his slave, and he teaches Reese to be nice to Jamie. | ||||||
| 143 | 14 | "Hal Grieves" | Christopher Kennedy Masterson | Eric Kaplan | February 19, 2006 | 06-05-714 |
| Hal gets a devastating phone call that his father has died, but because he never knew his father well, he does not shed a tear. In an attempt to overcompensate with his sons, Hal takes the boys shopping and lets them miss school. Hal's buddy Abe thinks that a phone call from Leonard Nimoy, a cast member of Star Trek: The Original Series, will cheer him up. Instead, George Takei shows up at the door. | ||||||
| 144 | 15 | "A.A." | Steve Welch | Al Higgins | March 5, 2006 | 06-05-715 |
| Lois and Hal visit Francis to help him celebrate one year of sobriety, but when they attend his A.A. meeting, they find out that he never really was an alcoholic. Dewey finds the spare key to Hal's car, but when Malcolm and Reese refuse to drive him to the arcade, he swallows it. | ||||||
| 145 | 16 | "Lois Strikes Back" | Alex Reid | Gary Murphy | March 19, 2006 | 06-05-716 |
| When four popular high school girls play an evil prank on Reese by pretending he has a secret admirer and then dropping a pig off at his front door, he falls into depression. Lois fails to negotiate with the principal, then forces Reese to tell her who the girls are so she can get revenge for him. Hal builds a pitching machine. | ||||||
| 146 | 17 | "Hal's Dentist" | Steve Love | Jay Kogen | March 26, 2006 | 06-05-717 |
| Hal's friend Trey tells him to come to his dental office when he cracks a tooth during a poker game, but their friendship is in jeopardy when Hal is faced with a $2,000 bill. Reese teaches Lois how to ride a bike. Malcolm and Dewey's favorite pastime becomes sleeping after they find a new mattress in the street. | ||||||
| 147 | 18 | "Bomb Shelter" | Matthew Carlson | Rob Ulin | April 2, 2006 | 06-05-719 |
| Malcolm joins a local dance class to meet a cute girl, but after discovering she is a poor dancer, he realizes that he must accept Danielle (Lynsey Bartilson), the unattractive but more talented partner, in order to win the competition. While trying to bury their father's broken trophy, Reese and Dewey discover an underground bomb shelter in the backyard and lock Hal in it. Lois tries to win a new truck at the shopping mall by keeping her hand on it. | ||||||
| 148 | 19 | "Stevie in the Hospital" | Steve Welch | Dave Ihlenfeld & David Wright | April 9, 2006 | 06-05-720 |
| When Stevie goes to the hospital, Malcolm tries making up every excuse he can think of not to go because he can't face the truth about his illness. Hal gets highly competitive about his new remote control boat when a ten-year-old keeps knocking it over. Lois thinks Dewey is trying to drive her insane, and Reese's new job as a telemarketer takes a bizarre turn. | ||||||
| 149 | 20 | "Cattle Court" | Peter Lauer | Michael Glouberman | April 16, 2006 | 06-05-718 |
| Reese meets a cute vegetarian named Carrie (Tara Lipinski) when he goes back to work at the meat plant. Malcolm tries to fool Craig in order to attend a rock concert. Hal makes his own version of The Game of Life in hopes of beating Dewey, under the guise of teaching his son a lesson about real life. | ||||||
| 150 | 21 | "Morp" | David D'Ovidio | Gary Murphy | April 23, 2006 | 06-05-721 |
| For the senior prom, Reese gets paid to take Janine, a studious girl in class, but only after she gives him a makeover and sends him to finishing school. Malcolm aligns himself with the unpopular kids to form an anti-prom they call "Morp". Dewey discovers there are no childhood pictures of him, so he concocts an elaborate scavenger hunt to punish Hal and Lois and throw a party for Jamie. | ||||||
| 151 | 22 | "Graduation" | Linwood Boomer | Michael Glouberman | May 14, 2006 | 06-05-722 |
| In the series finale, as Malcolm struggles with his valedictorian speech, Hal finds out that the family may not have enough money to send Malcolm to college. Reese is moving in with Craig, and since they are both leaving, they decide that Jamie should have the childhood they never got—one free of threats. As such, they destroy the evidence of the worst thing they ever did: fake an X-ray of Lois having cancer to get away with bad report cards, a way to destroy each other if someone had nothing to lose. Francis finds the 9-to-5 job of his dreams but will not tell Lois, Reese becomes a janitor, Malcolm works his way through college, Dewey feels closer than ever to Jamie, and Lois discovers she's pregnant again. | ||||||
References
- "Quidsweb.com :: Ver tema - Audiencias USA: Base de Datos". www.quidsweb.com. Archived from the original on 2018-07-01. Retrieved 2016-01-19.
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