Gay Meets Girl

Gay Meets Girl
Directed by Tim den Besten, Nicolaas Veul
Produced by Madeleine Somer
Written by Nicolaas Veul, Tim den Besten
Starring Tim den Besten
Nicolaas Veul
Release date
  • 29 October 2013 (2013-10-29)
Running time
 50min
Country Netherlands
Language Dutch

Gay Meets Girl (Dutch: Een man weet niet wat hij mist; lit. A man does not know what he is missing) is a 2013 Dutch documentary film written, directed by and starring Tim den Besten and Nicolaas Veul. The documentary film explores the subjects of sexual fluidity and bisexuality through a gay man's quest to have sex with a woman. The original Dutch title means "A man doesn't know what he's missing" in English, a reference to a gay man not know what he is missing out on by not having sex with women. The documentary aired on Dutch public television.

Plot

Tim den Besten (age 26) and Nicolaas Veul (age 29) are documentary makers and friends. They are both gay men, or at least, they think they are gay. Tim and Nicolaas set out to test and explore the boundaries of their sexualities. Tim is a gold-star gay man (a gay man who has never had sex with a woman) and decides that he wants to lose his heterosexual virginity to a woman. The documentary filmmakers want to explore whether or not "everyone is bisexual", as is common in the animal world, as well as what the boundaries to gay male sexuality are. Tim wants to find out if his sexual orientation is as fixed as he believed it to be or if he might not be as gay as he thought.

The documentary opens with Nicolaas interviewing Tim about the issues of homosexuality and sex with women. Nicolaas interrogates Tim, asking him what it means to be "gay" and what Tim's own "gayness" entails. Nicolaas asks Tim if he currently sleeps with women or slept with women in the past. When Tim explains that he has never been with a woman, Nicolaas asks him why he has never considered it. Nicolaas further relates to Tim that sleeping with women was surprisingly enjoyable and that trying sex with women helped him realize he was not as gay as he believed himself to be. Nicolaas tells Tim that he wants him to have sex with a woman, causing Tim to repeatedly decline the suggestion and claim he would never sleep with a woman. Nicolaas insists that Tim should sleep with a woman, engaging in a Socratic-style debate with Tim about the merits of sex with women, with Tim eventually relenting and coming to the conclusion that gay men having sex with women is the correct thing to do. Tim further adds that he has no reason not to try it and that sleeping with a woman would give him a better understanding of his own sexuality. Nicolaas relates that after trying so hard to be gay, including coming out to parents and society as well as being involved in the gay community, it can be very difficult for a gay man to "go back" and start sleeping with women again, but that the stigma shouldn't deter gay men from sleeping with women.

During the documentary, Tim and Nicolaas visit a sex coach to give them lessons on heterosexual intimacy and female sexuality and help prepare Tim for his heterosexual deflowering. They also visit a bonobo habitat to learn about the bisexual behavior of the primate species. They visit with science journalist Asha ten Broeke, who offers her view that all human beings, including all gay men, are bisexual.[1] Tim arranges to meet a pornographic film actress in France who wants to have sex with an openly gay man. Judy Minx, a French porn actress, tells Tim she has only ever had sex with straight men, but is enthusiastic about having sex with a gay man in order to explore the boundaries of homosexuality and go beyond homosexuality's binary limitations. The film culminates with Tim losing his gold-star by having unsimulated heterosexual intercourse with the French woman, while Nicolaas films the sexual encounter. During their encounter, Tim tries vaginal sex, performs cunnilingus and receives heterosexual fellatio for the first time. Afterwards, Tim high-fives the woman he just slept with and gives the thumbs-up sign to Nicolaas, happy and excited that he'd just finished having his first straight sex. Nicolaas is smiling and asking how things went, while Tim explains to Nicolaas that the sex was excellent and he was surprised by how easy it was for him to perform heterosexual sex. One month later Nicolaas interviewed Tim again, with Tim reiterating that he was glad he tried heterosexual sex and still considered it to have been a very enjoyable experience. However, Tim makes clear that his homosexuality has not been "cured" as he is still sexually and romantically attracted to men.

It was the goal of Tim and Nicolaas to reject the compartmentalization of human sexuality into the categories of "gay" or "straight" by exploring sexual fluidity and bi-curiosity. Tim believes the film was a success because he accomplished what he set out to do by answering whether a gay man could have satisfactory sex with a woman. The answer was "yes", because Tim was able to easily have sex with a woman and enjoy the experience. Tim described his experience of sleeping with a woman and losing his gold-star by saying, "Can you be gay and still have satisfying sex with a girl? I did it and it was quite a revelation."[2]

Controversy

The film caused controversy in the Netherlands, with some denouncing the film as prurient or homophobic. Given that the documentary was financed by the publicly funded Dutch television channel VPRO, some objected that the government was paying a gay man to have sex with a woman. One Dutch newspaper headline read: "Gay wants sex with woman, using your taxpayer money." Other critics objected to the fact that the sex was shown on television. VPRO received many angry letters from viewers, particularly gay men who felt that the program encouraged a "gay cure". Tim defended the film, claiming that it was not homophobic because he is gay and he simply wanted to see if sex with a woman would be physically arousing. While some of Tim's friends criticized him as shameless, his parents were supportive of his film. In an interview with de Volkskrant magazine, Tim said he announced to his father, "Dad, I'm going to have sex with a girl" during a dinner party. Tim described this as a "second-coming out" and says that his father was supportive of his choice to sleep with a woman.[3] In an interview with Dutch journalist Fleur Baxmeier, Tim said his parents attended the premier of the film, but sat in the hallway during the scene where Tim loses his gay gold-star because they didn't want to see their son having sex.[4]

Reaction from the Dutch daily morning newspaper De Telegraaf was negative. The newspaper dismissed the program as a "sex dating show". The newspaper declared that "VPRO is looking for heterosexual girls for gay boys". Noting that Tim den Besten had made an appeal on the internet for a woman to take his virginity, De Telegraaf wondered how many women would want to sign up for such a program.[5]

In an interview with Nieuwe Revu, Dutch television presenter Rutger Castricum defended the documentary by saying that fears that the film advocated a cure for homosexuality were nonsense and the people in the gay community who complained about the film looked ridiculous.[6]

Bram de Wijs, the gay drummer for the Dutch band "Only Seven Left expressed concern with the film's "awkward and homophobic" and "nasty" premise, likening it to homophobic people who ask gay men how they can know they are gay if they haven't had sex with a woman and macho men who believe that lesbians need to find the right man. De Wijs denies den Besten's homosexuality, declaring him to be "not a bit" gay.[7]

Background

In an interview with HUMO magazine, Nicolaas Veul stated that it was his idea for Tim den Besten to have sex with a woman on camera and film it. Nicolaas and Tim would often talk about sexual matters, but when Nicolaas asked Tim if he'd ever had sex with a woman, Tim replied that he would never want to do it. It was from these conversations that Nicolaas developed the idea of Tim losing his heterosexual virginity on camera and basing a film around the event that would explore the topics of bisexuality and gay men's sexual fluidity. At the outset, Nicolaas identified as a gay man but had dated women and had heterosexual sex in the past, and although Tim had dated a woman before, he identified as a gay man and had never slept with a woman. Tim was initially hesitant about losing his heterosexual virginity, but found himself increasingly aroused by Nicolaas's suggestion that he sleep with a woman and film it, eventually deciding to go ahead with the project. Tim decided he wanted to sleep with a woman because he felt it important to challenge the Dutch taboo on sexual experimentation. While Tim still identifies as gay he has said he is glad he slept with a woman and learned a lot from the experience, while Nicolaas has stated that he found the effect of the heterosexual sex on Tim to be so interesting that it has motivated him to consider having sex with women again.[8]

In an interview with de Volkskrant, Nicolaas stated that while Tim had always said he would never have sex with a woman, Nicolaas believed Tim was capable of having heterosexual sex and enjoying it. Although Tim felt initial resistance to the concept, Nicolaas states that overcoming Tim's resistance and capturing the results on film was the purpose of the documentary. Nicolaas also said that Tim's heterosexual experiment enriched him, so Nicolaas was inspired to consider trying straight sex again. Nicolaas says he slept with a woman to prove he was a "real man", but wants to truly enjoy sex with women in the future.[9]

Cast

See also

Sexual fluidity

References

  1. ↑ "A man does not know what he's missing". 2Doc. Retrieved 2017-05-06.
  2. ↑ "TIM DEN BESTEN "IF I YOLANTHE ENCOUNTER, I RUN REAL HARD ROAD"". Paduaan. Retrieved 2017-05-06.
  3. ↑ "'Ik durf meer met camera dan zonder'". Retrieved 2016-05-06.
  4. ↑ "STATUS: GESLOOPT - Nicolaas en Tim over het effect van 'Super stream me'" (PDF). Fleur Baxmeier. Retrieved 2017-05-06.
  5. ↑ "VPRO zoekt hetero-meisjes voor homo-jongens". De Telegraaf. Retrieved 2017-07-05.
  6. ↑ "'Rutger Castricum is verworden tot een vadsige en onsympathieke presentator in een tenenkrommende talkshow'". Nieuwe Revu. Retrieved 2017-05-22.
  7. ↑ "Een Man Weet Niet Wat Hij Mist". Bram de Wijs. Retrieved 2018-01-22.
  8. ↑ "Docu: Een man weet niet wat hij mist". HUMO. Retrieved 2017-05-06.
  9. ↑ "Seks buiten je hokje". de Volkskrant. Retrieved 2017-05-26.
This article is issued from Wikipedia. The text is licensed under Creative Commons - Attribution - Sharealike. Additional terms may apply for the media files.