if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle

English

(colloquial, vulgar, humorous) It is fruitless to speculate about counterfactual situations.
"We would have won the match if we'd had a decent goalkeeper."
"And if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle!"

proverb

Albanian: Po të kish halla loqe, do e quanin dajë (literally “if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle”)
Finnish: jos tädillä olis' munat, se olis' setä
French: avec des si on mettrait Paris en bouteille (fr) (literally “with ifs you could put Paris in a bottle”), si ma tante en avait, on l'appellerait mon oncle (fr)
Friulian: se mê none a vêve i cojons, o vêvi trê nonos (vulgar)
German: wenn das Wörtchen "wenn" nicht wär, wär mein Vater Millionär (literally “if it weren't for the little word "if", my father would be a millionaire”), hätte der Hund nicht geschissen, hätte er den Hasen gefangen (literally “if the dog hadn't shit, he would've caught the hare”)
Greek: αν η γιαγιά μου είχε αρχίδια θα τη φώναζα παππού (an i giagiá mou eíche archídia tha ti fónaza pappoú), αν η γιαγιά μου είχε καρούλια, θα ήταν πατίνι (an i giagiá mou eíche karoúlia, tha ítan patíni)

Italian: con i se e con i ma la storia non si fa (literally “with ifs and buts the story can't be made”)
Polish: gdyby babcia miała wąsy, to by była dziadkiem (literally “if the grandma had a moustache, she'd be the grandpa”), gdyby ciocia miała wąsy, toby była wujkiem (literally “if the aunt had a moustache, she'd be the uncle”)
Russian: е́сли бы да кабы́ во рту́ вы́росли грибы́, то был бы не рот, а це́лый огоро́д (jésli by da kabý vo rtú výrosli gribý, to byl by ne rot, a célyj ogoród, literally “if and when mushrooms would grow in the mouth, it would not be a mouth but a whole garden”), е́сли бы у ба́бушки был хуй, то она́ была́ бы де́душкой (ru) (jésli by u bábuški byl xuj, to oná bylá by déduškoj, literally “if the granny had a cock, she'd be the grandpa”) (vulgar)
Spanish: si mi abuela tuviera ruedas, sería una bicicleta (es) (literally “if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a bicycle”)
Turkish: halamın taşakları olsaydı, amcam olurdu (literally “if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle”)
Venetian: se me nona gavesse le ròde, la sarìa na cariòla