The Secret Life of Pets is a 2016 American 3D computer animated comedy film produced by Illumination Entertainment and released by Universal Pictures. The film is directed by Chris Renaud and Yarrow Cheney, and written by Brian Lynch, Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio.

Max

  • [first lines; narrating] I've lived in this city all my life. I'm Max, and I'm the luckiest dog in New York... because of her. That's Katie.
  • Is it, Duke? Is it? [knocks over another vase] Oh! That's a shame.
  • [to Snowball, when driving the bus erratically] Yes, yes, fine, just keep your eyes on the road, you're driving like an animal!
  • [last lines; to Duke] Welcome home, Duke.

Duke

  • Mind your own business, oh my gosh, what happened to you?
  • Ooh! Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! You want to start with me, little raisin? Okay, get your umbrellas out, kitties, because here they come the thunder and the lighting! Right down on your face!
  • If I had a dime for every owner I killed, I would have a dime.
  • You're doing... Well, you're not doing great, but you're not drowning and that's something.
  • I had a great thing going, but I had to go and mess it up.

Tiberius

  • [about Pops] Every bird instinct I have says don't follow a dog on wheels.
  • You are a very thoughtful food... Food? I didn't say that, I said friend.
  • I can't help it! I was born with killer instincts!
  • Maybe there's a dog in the neighborhood that looks like Max. Start hanging out with him.

Snowball

  • Death is coming to Brooklyn! And it's got buck teeth and a cotton tail!
  • [When a group of snakes resembling a gate ask Snowball for the password] Password? Look at me! I am your leader. The leader does not recite the password. The leader makes up the password, idiots. Everybody make a new password right now. The new password is "Don't ask the leader for the password!"
  • The revolution has begun! Liberated forever! Domesticated never! Yeah!
  • (Duke: Who are you guys?) Who are we? Who are we?! We... are the Flushed Pets! Thrown away by our owners and now we are out for revenge! It's like a club… but with biting and scratching! (Max: Take us with you!) I don’t think so, pets! Yeah, you got the stench of domestication all over you! You chose your side, and now you’re gonna burn! (Max: No, stop! Who are you calling pets? I ain’t no pet. You got all wrong! We’re just like you guys! We hate humans! Duke: Uh, yeah! Max: Hate them! Duke: That’s right. Max: Oh, man, don’t get me started on people. Am I right, Duke? Duke: That’s why we burned our collars, man! Max: We burned them to the ground! Duke: And killed our owners! Max: That’s too far, maybe. No, they dig it! Yes, we whacked em’! Duke: Yeah, that’s right. Max: Bang, bang with our own paws! Duke: If I had a dime for other owner I kill, (Max: Oh, yeah!) I had a dime! Because I just killed the one) Ooh-whoo! Oh, y’all are cold-blooded! Oh, man, you remind me of my boy, Ricky! He died, though. R.I.P, Ricky. You know the struggle could use some more muscle.
  • I feel heroic… and handsome! I'm a little wet, but I still look good! I look good.
  • Long live the revolution, suckers!

Ozone

  • What's going on here?
  • I had a fight, all right? With a big stupid dog. He lost.
  • Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna cut you into string, ball you up and then bat you around for hoouurs in a game that only I understand.
  • It's the po-po! SCRAM!
  • Is that supposed to scare me? I'm a cat, I'll land on my feet.
  • Do you want me to cut ya, cuz I'll cut ya this way and that, you'll look like a waffle.

Chloe

  • Why is this mouse on my paws still?!
  • 100% wrong.
  • [to Max] Come on, Max, I'm your friend, and as a friend, I gotta be honest with you, I don't care about you or your problems.
  • [after seeing herself on YouTube crashing Pops' party and the city's civilians laughing] No, look away!
  • [after Pops seemingly falls to his death] Okay. The secret route was death.

Pops

  • Well, nobody's perfect.
  • Welly, well, well, well, looky what we apparently have here! Meezy would like to have a look-see. Myron! Brows!
  • Oh, yes. Me like what me see.
  • Little lady, this is my city. I'll find your friend. All right, party's over! Myron! Vacuum!
  • [after Gidget licks Max] Oh, great. You're in love. How gross for everyone, now, move it!

Dialogue

Max: [first lines; narrating] I've lived in this city all my life. I'm Max, and I'm the luckiest dog in New York... because of her. That's Katie.
Woman: Bye, Gidget. Be a good doggy.
[Gidget's owners have just left, so she decides to talk to Max from her apartment window.]
Gidget: Hey, Max.
Max: Hey, Gidget.
Gidget: Any plans today?
Max: Yes. Big, big stuff today, Gidget. I got big plans, I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna wait for Katie to come back.
Gidget: Oh, that sounds exciting. Well, I won't interrupt. I've got a very busy day, too. [sighs]
Katie: Aw, you little cutie pie. We'll play tomorrow, buddy, okay? Okay. Sleep well. [Closes door]
Duke: [surprised after Max tries to get Katie to get rid of him] Are you trying to get rid of me?
Max: [scared] Before I answer that, I'd like to know how much of that you heard.
Duke: So that's how it's gonna be. Man, are you making me angry. And when I get angry, I do this. [growls] And I don't wanna do that. I need this place. And if it's gonna you or me, it's gonna be me! [barks] [Max yells]
Gidget: Hi, Max.
Max: Hey, Gidget.
Gidget: Who's your new roommate, is it a girl dog or a boy dog? Not that I care. It doesn't matter to me.
Max: Oh, that's nobody, Gidget. He's just visiting. Yeah, he's gonna be gone soon.
[Duke glares at him as they continue walking to the dog park]
[As Guillermo leads the dogs out of the park, Mel and Buddy watch a scruffy Williamsburg-hipster use a plastic stick contraption to throw a ball for his dog as he's talking on his iPhone]
Mel: Sheesh, did you see that?
Buddy: Yeah, I saw it.
Mel: Throw it with your arm, you lazy weirdo!
Buddy: I would not fetch that, I'm old-school.
Gidget: [climbs up through the drawers and shelves of a cabinet] Friends, I am afraid that I have some terrible news.
Mel: The squirrels are gonna take over the world, I knew it! I always said, squirrels are little shifty little guys.
Gidget: No, we're not doing the squirrel thing right now, that's not, no! [sighs] Max is missing! He's out there somewhere. Lost. Scared. So, so handsome. We've got to find him and bring him home!
Mel: But the outside world is loud and scary, whoa! Is that a hawk?!
Gidget: This is my friend, Tiberius. He's going to help us. [Tiberius flies next to Gidget] He's not going to eat us. We've already been over it.
Buddy: Come on, Gidget. We go out there without a leash, we'll get caught by a net... or something worse.
Mel: Yeah, like a hawk!
Gidget: We’re wasting time. Max need us.
Buddy: Come on, girl. Max doesn’t even know you’re alive.
Gidget: Well, I don’t care. I love him! I love him with all of my heart! And I’m gonna go look for Max, no matter who’s with me. So... Who's with me? All right, fine. Fine.
Chloe: Oh, come on, guys. I can't believe you! When I got my claws caught in the curtains, who helped me out? Max did! Buddy, Mel. When you were fixed, who taught you to sit the comfortable way?
Buddy: Max did.
Mel: Max did! He did it!
Chloe: And when that random cat tried to eat Sweet Pea, who saved him?
Buddy: It wasn't a random cat, it was you! [Sweet Pea chirps in agreement]
Chloe: The identity of the random cat is not the point. We're talking about who saved him!
Mel: Max did!
Buddy: We gotta save him! We gotta go save Max!
Norman: [pops out through a floor vent] Yeah! Let's go save Max! Uh, which one is Max again?
Gidget: Tiberius. No, bad bad bird.
Tiberius: [laughs] Nice little guy. Nice little guy.
Norman: I like this bird.
Ozone: Is this suppose to scare me? I’m a cat. I’ll end on my feet.
Tiberius: Does it always happen? Cause you head look like it’s taking lot of landings.
Ozone: Do you want me to catch you? Cause I’ll catch you this way, and let you look like a waffle.
[Tiberius drops Ozone, a Sphynx cat, on the apartment rooftop with Gidget]
Tiberius: Okay, he's too stupid to talk and too ugly to eat.
Gidget: [screams and tackles Ozone] I'm done playing nice!
Ozone: I–
Gidget: Where... is... Max?!
Ozone: Whoa! I– I– [gets slapped by Gidget] Ooh!
Gidget: Tell me!
Ozone: What? [Gidget slaps him again] Ooh! I just– I can't– [gets slapped again] Ooh! Let me finish! [gets slapped once more] Ow! What–? [to Tiberius] Help me! [gets slapped] Ooh!
Gidget: Don't look at him! [slaps him again] Look at me! Nobody can help you! Where... is... MAX?!
Ozone: Okay, okay. He's... He's in the sewers, he got taken. Please have mercy, adorable puffy dog.
Gidget: [gasps]
Buddy: Hey, Pops.
Pops: Mud and sweet potatoes.
Buddy: Pops!
Pops: Who's that? What? Oh, hey, buddy.
Buddy: How you've been, old timer?
Pops: Paralyzed!
Gidget: Great! Listen, Mr. Pops. Our friend Max was taken.
Sausage: Come on, boys!
[When entering the sewer]
Buddy: What's that smell?
Pops: It's poo-poo with a dash of ca-ca.
Buddy: Getting a weird vibe, man.
Pops: Now, these guys are a bit testy, so just let me do the talking. Hey, you crybaby! Where's the Viper at?
[the alligator, sobbing, points to the crushed Viper, multiple R.I.P messages are seen]
Snowball: [sobs loudly and shakes the Viper's tail] Don't you worry, Viper! You will not be forgotten! [punches the Viper’s tail, but it falls down] You will be avenged, Viper! [sniffles] And if you don’t believe me, you can look at my battle plans, it’s all laid out right here.
Tattoo: Uh... Boss, I can't tell where anyone is.
Snowball: Well, you gotta really look at to understand it. Like, that’s you guys right here, and, see, that’s Brooklyn. That’s where we’re going get them dogs. [bangs the red marker into the cardboard] Bam! Bam! [cackles evilly]
Pops: That ball of fluff’s got a screw loose. Let’s skadaddle.
Snowball: Bottom line is, I'm coming right for you, Tiny Dog and that big, fat brown dog? He gonna get it, too.
Gidget: [stops in her tracks hearing this] "Tiny Dog"?
Chloe: There are lots of tiny dogs in the city. I mean, you're a tiny dog, okay? So, let's just go.
Buddy: But he also said, "Big, fat brown dog", like Max's new roommate!
Chloe: Not necessarily.
Snowball: Oooh. Max, Max, Max, Max, Max. You are gonna GET IT!
Chloe: [sighs] That's kinda hard to dispute.
Gidget: Hey, stay away from... [Chloe covers her mouth]
Snowball: Wait what? You know Tiny Dog?
Gidget: [shoves Chloe off her] He’s my friend! And some might say my boyfriend!
Buddy: Uh, nobody says that.
Max: Hey, uh, Gidget, wait up.
Gidget: Oh, uh, hi, Max. [her tail starts wagging]
Max: Yeah, uh...
Gidget: [to her tail] Play it cool!
[Her tail stops wagging, and she giggles]
Max: Yeah, I just wanted to, uh... [clears throat] Look. Have you ever lived across from someone your whole life, but you don't really appreciate them until... I don't know, until they're beating up dozens of animals on the Brooklyn Bridge? I guess, what I'm trying to say is... if you ever want to...
[Gidget wags her tail, and her eyes lighten up. Then she barks and happily hops onto Max and starts licking him and nuzzling him]
Max: Okay!
Pops: Oh, great, you're in love. How gross for everyone, now, MOVE IT!
[as all the pets head back to their apartments; they say goodbye to Max]
Gidget: [laughs] Bye, Max.
Max: Bye, Gidget.
Snowball: Man, I feel sorry for them. Gotta run home to their owners, not us. Now, it's back to our primary mission. The downfall of the human race! It is on, humans! It is on!
[Derick, Dragon, and Tattoo cheer, Molly is riding on her scooter]
Molly: Mommy, can I have a bunny? [The Flushed Pets see Molly] And a pig and a crocodile and a lizard? [Dragon, Derick, and Tattoo went back in to the manhole leaving Snowball behind]
Snowball: Uh, oh.
Molly: Yay, bunny! [hugs Snowball]
Snowball: Jab, jab, jab! Body blow, body blow! Break-away move!
Molly: Aww... [pets Snowball's head]
Snowball: What's going on? What's she doing?
Molly: Bunny, I'm gonna love you forever and ever and ever. [Snowball's eyes turn cute as Molly pets him] Aww. Bunny. [she and her Mom walk away]
Buddy: [Buddy is dressed up as a teddy bear and Mel a Minion] I thought you said it was going to be a costume party.
Mel: Why do you listen to me?
Leonard's Owner: I'm home, Leonard! [Mel, Buddy, Snowball and the Flushed Pets scatter. Leonard tells Peanut to go and turns the soft music back on] Were you a good boy, Leonard? [gets startled when Tattoo crashes to the floor on the chandelier]

Cast

Humans

Animals

This article is issued from Wikiquote. The text is licensed under Creative Commons - Attribution - Sharealike. Additional terms may apply for the media files.