Episode 1: Gone in a Flash

[Maurice is making a sundae]

Maurice: [singing] Making my ice cream, Oh, sprinkle it on, (Julien grabs the sundae while Maurice is not looking) Now we add a cherry on top! [Julien grabs the cherry] Owwwwwwww!

Julien: Uh, less sprinkles next time, okay Maurice?

Maurice: I just can't take this!

Julien: Rule number one: Do not question the king. Rule number two-- (Camera falls into Maurice's arms; They begin to fight)

[Later...]

Julien: I said gimme! What part of Give or Me do you not understand?

Maurice: I understood the me part, like, this was caught by ME!

Episode 2: Launchtime

[last lines]

Skipper: Looks like we have intruders, boys. Commence Operation: Hammer Head.

Julien: Excuse me. Hammer whose head exactly?

[Rico coughs up a hammer in Skipper's flipper; Julien, Maurice and Mort run away screaming]

Episode 12: The Hidden

Skipper: Pop quiz, troops. What can't we trust?

Kowalski: (flipping through his notebook) Three-day-old stir-fry mung beans.

Skipper: Right. What else can't we trust?

Private: (holding up a book on badgers) Badgers!

Skipper: (gives Private a questionable look)

Private: ...Maybe that's just me.

Episode 15: All Choked Up

Mort: Ooooh, it smells like the circus!

Episode 18: Miracle On Ice

Skipper: (After the rat king jumps on Kowalski while playing hockey; concerned): Kowalski, speak to me, man!

Kowalski: (lying on ground): Just a... knock on the old... (twitches) ...monkey bus...!

Skipper: (confused): Kowalski...?

Kowalski: (stumbling on ice): No need to paint! I'm as flopsy-faced as ever!

Skipper: (after Kowalski gets up and picks up hockey stick): I...don't think you're fit for duty...

Kowalski: (continuing to stumble): Flibertigibit, man! I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger! (slips and falls on his belly)

Private (after he and Skipper also get hurt): Skipper, maybe it's time to admit we've lost.

Kowalski (stumbling in the background): The moo-cow may have a chocolate marshmallow!

(Julian wins the hockey game, defeating the sewer rats, Rico, Private and Skipper looked shocked; Kowalski stumbles past them)

Kowalski: Well, I'll be a bicycle-cream-cone!

Episode 21: Mort Unbound

[Last lines]

Kowalski: Well, nothing left to do but whip up another batch of antidote.

Private: Actually, I don't think that won't be necessary. Private likes big.

Rico: Oh, boy.

Episode 23: Misfortune Cookie

Julien: And finally, it's the trampling by a thousand rhinos!

Rico (a rhino tramples him): (yelps)

Julien: Uh, slight glitch, though, we only have one rhino. So you have to do it a thousand times.

Rico: (gets trampled by the rhino again)

(Some time later)

Julien: Flightless bird, you have completed the three trials! By the way, sorry about the extra rhino tramplings. I lost count.

Rico: (scatting)

Duck: Look out! (lands on Rico's face with his rear)

Episode 35: I was a Penguin Zombie

Private: (hears Skipper wheeze and cough, followed by a bucket being kicked) Skipper's... gone? It-it-it can't be! (jumps off) What'll we do?

Kowalski: We will honor him the way he would've wanted... by soldiering on like men. (all three glare at the audience)

(A Moment later, in their HQ, all three are bawling; Kowalski is hugging Private while Rico spits out a picture of Skipper)

Rico: Why, why, WHYYYY!?!

Episode 48: Dr. Blowhole's Revenge

Julien (after Dr. Blowhole and he stopped laughing maniacally): Question: why are we laughing?

Dr. Blowhole: Question: how did the prisoner escape?! (Julien leaps on him)

Julien: Prisoner escaped?! Is he dangerous?

Dr. Blowhole (annoyed): No, and apparently, he isn't very bright.

Dr Blowhole: You'll appreciate this, Kowalski. I've installed a lair Theater System, High definition with surround sound. Exre-e-emely spendy.

Kowalski: (slightly angry) Oh, why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?

Dr. Blowhole: I am so glad you could all join me to witness history. I am, of course, especially pleased that my fli-i-i-ghtless foes graced us with their presence.

Skipper: (annoyed): Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Private: There's nothing good on Tely tonight anyway.

Dr. Blowhole: (hovering over Private): Well, Private, here's a little show I whipped up. It's called:

Computer Voice: Ring of Fire.

Dr. Blowhole: It is fitting that I returned to the very aqua theater where I performed tricks for the duller humans. Oh, how it made me bitter.

Private: Sorry. Did he say "bitter" or "better"?

Skipper: Hard to say; the sound really bounces around in here.

Kowalski: No, that would be the high ceilings.

Dr. Blowhole: My humiliation in the Ring of Fire became my inspiration. In the Frozen North, we've constructed a vast circle of certainly surprising devices that tap into the heat of the Earth's core. (four drill-like devices break through the ice, glowing)

Skipper: Oh, come on. (Dr. Blowhole zooms over to Skipper)

Dr. Blowhole: Do you mind?! I'm just getting to the good part! It's re-e-ealy quite a shocker.

Skipper: It's so obvious. Humiliated by the humans-

Private: -activate the Ring of Fire-

Kowalski: -melt the Arctic-

(Rico babbles)

Skipper: Well, how did we do, punk?

Dr. Blowhole (slightly surprised): You're... in the ball park.

Episode 16: Kaboom and Kabust

Episode 22: Hello, Dollface

Man over PA: OK, guys. That's 9:00! Unbolt the doors...

[The store doors are are packed with many people]

Man over PA: ....and stand back!

[A store employee and a horde of angry people start rampaging for the new Chatty Miss Perky doll. One person runs on Rico, Kowalski ducks and screams, and a person picks up Private. Private farts on that person's face, blowing his hat off.]

Private: Oooh.

Man: [referring to Private] Talking penguin? [he shakes him] What is this? 2005?

The man tosses Private back on the floor.

Private: Aaaaaahhhhh!

[He crashes on the floor joining the other penguins. On the empty aisle shelf, the Chatty! sign from the doll's logo, hangs briefly, then falls. The penguins are beat up from the fight. Rico is on a tricycle wheel hanging upside down. Skipper sits up, his eyes rolling dizzily as he smiles goofily.]

Kowalski: [exhausted] Maybe at a different toy store?

[Later, at another toy store, Skipper is seen screaming because of the same doll rampage and he gets kicked by a person. Private is stepped on his head, Rico is squashed by a man's shoe. A person kicks Kowalski, crashing into the other penguins.]

Kowalski: [woozy] Perhaps direct from the factory?

Episode 28: Hot Ice

(Skipper is discussing the value of the diamond necklace.)

Skipper: Yes, the kind of riches that turns men into animals and animals into… Kowalski what’s more savage than animals?

Kowalski: Hmmm… malfunctioning garbage disposals?

Skipper: C’mon, you’re not even trying.

Episode 34: Love Hurts

[Willing to see Shauna, Private veers to the right and blatantly avoids the Deli and descends to the right ground.]

Skipper: Uh? Kowalski, what’s on the right side of the Deli?

Kowalski: I believe that would be Gunnerson’s Home of Rusty Bear Traps.

Rico: Oh boy...

[Private falls there and shouts in pain as the sound of bear traps snapping is heard.]

Episode 35: The Officer X Factor

Kowalski: “Of course! It’s the salt. The sodium granules released from the pretzel cart into the convective cloud layer must have sparked a freezing nucleation reaction and BOOM! Instant rain.”

Episode 36: Brain Drain

Kowalski: I like peanuts, and I like butter, but I do not like peanut butter... [breaks the fourth wall with a creepy grin of idiocy] WEIRD!

Skipper: So we’re stuck with the stupid Kowalski, well maybe it’s a good thing. I mean we were all getting tired of his big high, fleeting words like recalcitrant, right? I mean, what is that? Recalcitrant. Do I like recalcitrant to you?

Rico: Uh huh.

Kowalski: Oh YEAH! Up high!

Episode 46: All Tied Up with a Boa

Skipper: Boys! Butter me up.

Kowalski: Your leadership is impeccable and your musk is an intoxicating blend of danger and… ugh.”

(Skipper slaps Kowalski)

Kowalski: Right. (sees the tray of butter and realizes what Skipper was referring to.)

Episode 48: Herring Impaired

Private: [he suddenly goes crazy] Sardines? FISH! [he runs towards Rico, who kicks him away and glares angrily]

[Private smacks into the wall and is held back by Skipper and Kowalski before he can get away.]

Kowalski: Private!

Skipper: Private! Explain yourself, soldier!

Private: FISH! [laughs crazily]

Skipper: [creeped out] Kowalski, analysis!

[Kowalski measures Private's head and puts a magnifying glass next to Private's right eye.]

Kowalski: Crazy eyes...[ puts a popsicle stick on Private's tongue. Private waves his flippers up and down.] Babbling tongue...

[Private bites Kowalski's flipper, frees himself of their grip and runs to Rico, who pushes Private over.]

Private: FISH!

Kowalski: Egad! I believe our Norwegian herring was a bit too aged.

Skipper: Never ever blame the fish, Kowalski!

Kowalski: But don't you see? [pulls out a clipboard & pencil] Private's contracted Bacterial, Pisces Dementia! A rare brain disease that's turning him into a fish-craving psychopath!

Rico: Hey! That's my thing!

Skipper: Yeah, we don't need two of those. Can he be cured?

Kowalski: It should wear off in 24 hours just as long as he doesn't feed the disease. [pulls up a chart with a fish on it] That means no fish of any kind. If Private ingests so much as a single sardine, he'll be like this forever.

Private: [he launches at the chart] FISH!

[Rico, slyly, puts the sardines in front of Private's face and pulls it away, when he tries to get it, Kowalski and Skipper hold him back and Private yells, "FISH!" Rico does it again and again and again.]

Skipper: Stop that!

Kowalski: Well, on the bright side, maybe this will teach Private not to overindulge in so much brined herring. [chuckles]

Skipper: Wait, didn't you eat as much as he did? [Kowalski's right eye moves away then back to normal before showing he's been affected by the disease.]

Kowalski: Why, yes I...dooby-dooby-did! FISH!! [ he lunges at Rico, but he pushes him away. Skipper keeps the two penguins away from the fish, slapping them repeatedly.]

Skipper: Looks like we're on psycho patrol, amigo. No fish for these two for the next 24 hours.

Rico: [suspicious] Uhh, what about you?

Skipper: [confidently; still slapping] Luckily, my iron-clad constitution has made me immune to this Pisces Dementia. Rico: Oh. [looks at him]

Skipper: Seriously. [Rico stares at him again] No effect. [Rico gives one serious look] Iron-clad constitution.

[Rico smiles, thinking that it should be all right. Unfortunately, Rico panics as he stops hearing Skipper slapping Private and Kowalski. He stares at Skipper, seeing that he was affected by the disease like Private and Kowalski.]

Skipper: FIIIISH!

Rico: AHHH! [Rico quickly eats the sardines and is chased around the HQ by the three fish-craving penguins. He blocks the door.]

Rico: Uh-uh-uh! No fish!

Alice: [from outside] Feeding time!

The fish craving penguins: [pause for a while before charging up the ladder] FIIIISH!

Maurice: Since when did we get four Ricos?

[Alice continues to throw the fish and Rico eats it.]

Alice: Hey! Baron von Greedenstein! Save some for the rest of the flock! [She uses a long pole to hold him back.]

Alice: [sarcastically] Great. All full then? [the three penguins are still wanting fish] Whatever, freaks. [leaves]

Rico: Uh-uh! No fish!

Delivery Truck Driver: Yo, zookeeper lady. Where do you want this truckload of fresh cod fillets?

Rico: Aw, no!!

The fish craving penguins: FISH!!!

Rico: [tired] No... fish...

Factory Worker: Alright people! That tuna ain't gonna can itself!

[A siren sounds and the camera shows a conveyor belt full of fish starting up.]

Rico: [rubs his eyes in shock] Are you kidding me?! [The craving penguins try to get past Rico, who holds them back.]

The fish craving penguins: FISH! FISH! GIMME!! GIMME!!! GIMME!

Rico: NO! [As he continues to fight the penguins, Rico then sees a giant, fake fish on top of a building across the street and points to it, getting an idea.]

Rico: [opera voice] ♪FEEEESH!!!♪

[The other penguins look at what Rico's pointing to.]

The fish craving penguins: WOOHEE!!! FISH..!!!!!!

Rico: Hahaha! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you go ahead! Suckers!

Episode 49: The Red Squirrel

Julien: (after being submerged in toy dolls): I confess to everything! My father was not a talking water cycle! (is submerged again) I cheat at whistling! (makes raspberries)

Buck Rockgut: These snitches don't know anything. They're just a bunch of "small potatoes."

King Julien: It's true! I am also secretly a potato. OK, that one was a lie. I just wanted the ropes off, you know?

Skipper: (after realizing Buck Rockgut was crazy) Well, maybe we left our paranoia caps on a little too long.

Private: I do feel bad for the old guy. He's wasted decades chasing an enemy that probably doesn't even exist. (the penguins glide on their stomachs back to the zoo; a telescope appears out of a bush and reveals an underground lair)

Red Squirrel: (pushing the record button on a tape recorder) Red Squirrel's log. Special Agent Rockgut has been dispos-sed of. (turns his chair around) Time to get to work. (laughs maniacally and leaps toward a metal door, but crashes into it) Stupid eye-patch.

Episode 50: It's About Time

Future Kowalski(s): Private/Skipper, you've got to stop me!!

Private: (in response to the first future Kowalski) Um... okay. Kowalski, stop, please.

Skipper: (in response to and kicks the second future Kowalski) There, you're stopped.

Future Kowalski(s): No, not me, me! That me!

Private/Skipper: There's 2 of you?

Skipper: (kneeling down at the statue of liberty sunken in snow cone shavings) Kowalski, you maniac! You did it. (pounding on the floor) You finally did it.

Kowalski: Yeah, but you got to admit, these are pretty good snow cones. (picking up snow cone offering to Skipper)

Skipper: Yeah, totally worth it. (licking on snow cone)

Episode 58: When the Chips are Down

Private: OK, Mort, we have enough food for several days. I'm sure Skipper will find us soon, right?

Mort: (sniffing his finger) Mmm! My finger smells funny! (giggles) You wanna smell it?

Private: No, I'd rather conserve energy and sleep; you should do the same (starts sleeping)

Mort: Nighty-night. (stares his head left and right)

(After a time transition, Mort was revealed to eat all the food in the machine and lets out a really loud and long burp, waking Private up)

Mort: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!

Private: Oh, what was that?

Mort: (lying on the machine, fattened up rubbing his big full Tummy) Ooh! My tummy don't feel so good.

Private: What happened? Where's the food?

Mort: Well, I got hungry.

Private: (a bit angry) So you ate everything?! Even the Cheezy Bits?!

Mort: They're not so bad after the fifth bag.

Private: (begins screaming in pain) Do you realize what you've done, Mort? We needed that food! It's doom to us both!

Mort: (sits down) Doom?!

Private: Yes, doom, doom, doom, because you're dumb, dumb, dumb!

Mort: (begins to cry)

Private: Don't you dare crying!; Because only worse than being trapped with you the rest of my life is being trapped for the rest of my life with you crying!

[Later at The Zoo]

Private: See, Mort? It was good that you ate the food!

Mort: But you told me not too.

Private: I Know Mort! But it was good that you did anyway because it saved us! Don't you understand?

Mort: [Mort puts his paws on his Tummy as his Tummy Gurgles very loudly and he let's out a very loud and big Fart]

Mort: (Tummy Gurgles ) (Mort Farts very loudly) ( FFFAARRT! ) (Mort pats his Tummy) I have to go potty!

Episode 61: Arch-Enemy

Skipper: One mistake little friend, we are like the three musketeers, except there are four of us and we’re birds and in no way French, but the same team mentality applies.

Dale: Couldn't care less.

Episode 92: Cute-Astrophe

Julien: [once noticing the humans are unconscious by Private's Quantum Hyper Cute] Tell me, who among you is the Dark Wizard?

[The penguins step aside to show Private]

Rico: That guy.

Private: I was just trying this new little thing I could do! You know, kind of a little... [uses the Quantum Hyper Cute as the other Penguins look away] Boosh.

Julien: [lovingly] OH, LOOK AT HOW CUTE-- TOO CUTE! TOO CUTE!!

Episode 132: High Moltage

[Private uses his Quatum Hyper Cute, only for his feathers to fall out as he does]

Kowalski: Of course, the itchy feathers. He's... [gasps] molting!

Rico: [disgusted] Ew!

Skipper: To the bunker! And cover the Private's shame.

Alice: [weary] Wow. That was nasty.

[In response, the zoo visitors instead recoil from Private's Anti Cute Attack]

Private: I failed.