So Happy Together [1.1]

Ben: [hopeful] Every superhero needs a sidekick!

Bessie: I'm not the Mighty B yet, Ben, I still have 4,584 badges to go!

(Bessie goes up to the audience, bumps her head on the microphone, then lowers it to herself)

Bessie: H- Hi. My name is Bessie Higgenbottom. And Happy sends his sincere regrets....but we have mutually decided to part ways....as...committed......and caring friends.

(audience gasps, then Bessie hears barking)

Bessie: Happy?

(Bessie tries to find Happy in the audience, then finds out it's just a bulldog barking at a smaller dog)

Bessie: And...he...(her eyes tearing)...is no longer......my dog. (runs off-stage)

Bessie: [listing reason for a dog] One: I've always wanted a dog. Two: If I get a dog, I can put it in the Honeybee dog show and win the Animal Appreciation badge, and that is the badge that I really really really really really really really really really really want.(later) Forty-five: If we got a dog, it could guard our apartment! Forty-six: Dogs are nice. Forty-seven: Dogs aren't cats. Forty-eight: When your tired, you can rest your head on it like a pillow! (later) Seven- hundred twenty-nine: If I got a dog, I would rescue it, and there are over 1682 homeless animals in the city of San Fransisco! Go would it be great Mom? Would it be great if I rescue a homeless dog?

Hilary: Yes! Bessie! Yes go! Rescue a dog.

(Bessie gets excited)

Hilary: But you have to take your brother.

(Bessie's excitement fades)

Portia: (about Happy) Well, that's a filthy thing! Where'd you get him? A shelter? With all the dirty people and all the dirty things?

Bessie: Hey Rocky!

Rocky: Hey Bessie! Want to hang out with us?

Bessie: (grabs Rocky's skateboard) I wish I could but I can't but, I'll see you later! (runs off with Rocky's skateboard)

Rocky: Oh, no.....

(Bessie flies through air after jumping a hill)

Bessie: Well, that's gravity for you!

Mr. Wu: So, Mighty B, it appears you have defeated me. I honor you with a fresh dumpling! (feeds Bessie dumpling)

(Bessie grabs the microphone after losing the dog show)

Bessie: Just so you know, I'm fine with losing. Happy's one of a kind and he's my friend and I love him! Always tip your waitresses

Bessie: Bessie Higgenbottom reporting for duty! (trips)

Bessie: I made up this whole training schedule. It's color coded and I used those markers that smell like candy but, they don't taste like candy....

Bessie: (sees dog lying on street and walks up to him) Hi! I'm Bessie Higgenbottom and- (gasps) Look at your torn ear! Awesome! I hate perfect ears! I hate perfect anything! (smiles widely)

Ben: [about Happy] I can't believe it! He's the worst dog I've ever met!

Bessie: You're six! How many dogs have you met?!

Ben: Are you going to your troop meeting? Can I come?!

Bessie: (sings) Noooooooooooooooooo!

Mr. Wu: So, Mighty B, we meet again.

Bessie: (in Mighty B form) Prepare to face the awesome sting of the Mighty B!

The Sweet Sixteenth [1.2]

Roller Operator: Keep your hands inside the car at all times, don't disengage the safety bar, you puke you clean it. Have a nice ride!

Bessie: [to the girls in line] Hey you guys! Are you ready to rock this bad boy?

Portia: Ready? I'm wearing double scrunches, aren't I?

Bessie: (looking at a blimp wearily) I'm so tall, I could touch that balloon if I really wanted to!

Roller Operator: Sorry, dude! This just is much more stressful than it looks with all the ticket taking and lever pulling...

Bessie: Here it is, Happy. The moment we've been training for. Now we're probably gonna do a lot of screaming, so let's do some vocal warm-ups. AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!

Happy: AAAAAAAHHHH!

Bessie: Whoooooooaaaa! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Happy: Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

Bessie: WHOOOOOOOAAA!

Happy: AAAAHHHOOOOO!

Bessie: WHOOOOOOOAAAA!

Happy: AAAAAHHOOOO!

Bessie: ...Meow.

(Happy growls)

Bessie: (hanging on jungle gym with Ben and Happy pulling her) Come on! Put your back into it! (the jungle gym falls on them) Ow.......

(walks up to girls in line)

Bessie: Hey you guys! Are you ready to rock this bad boy?

Portia: Ready? I'm wearing double scrunches, aren't I?

Bessie: Happy, if anything happens, I give you the hive. (turns to Ben) You can have my flip-flops.

Ben: Yes!

Bessie: (shouting into mirror) Who's tall enough!?! Who's tall enough?!? Yeah, that's right! Me!

(fake vomits into a bucket, Happy stares)

Bessie: This is practice for the highly unlikely event that I might have a vomiting episode.

Bessie: (vomits after riding roller coaster) Awesome!

Bessie: I have rights! I demand to ride this ride! (she notices the man isn't listening) Come on, Happy, lets go ride the stupid teacups!

Bessie: Please, sir. I need this!

Roller Coaster Man: Sorry, small fry. Hey! Fries....

Bessie: You better take a mind picture, ladies because, this is a day we will never forget!

Bessie: (on torture rack at museum, noticing a crowd is watching her) Oh, hello people! Just... you know, stretching the old legs!

Roller Operator: Keep your hands inside the car at all times, don't disengage the safety bar, you puke you clean it. Have a nice ride!

Roller Operator: Look, if you're not going to offer me any of your fries, stop talking about them.

Bessie: (after man rips off her Japanese shirt) Please! Please, you can't dismantle my national custom!

Bessie: Now remember, Happy, we are from Japan, we are from Japan.

Bessie: (on roller coaster) Sir! I think someone left their chewed up hot dog pieces in...

(Happy eats the hot dog)

Bessie: Never mind!

Bee My Baby/Bee Afraid [1.3]

Penny: [nervous about babysitting] Bessie, maybe we shouldn't.... There are four of them, and two of us. We're outnumbered three to one!

Portia: If babysitting Gwen's little brothers right now while me and Gwen go to the store is your dream, who are we to stand in your way?

Bessie: Exactly! I think.

Portia: (sitting on couch reading magazine) Babysitting is like so hard.... I don't know how you live like this.

Gwen: What life? Babysitting is sucking the best years right out of me!

Rocky: (shouting to Bessie who is on top of a bridge) Tell the baby to do a kick flip and slide his way down.

Fish Seller: Use anchovies as bait!

Bessie: I blew it! I don't deserve the "Brat Wrangler" badge...

Gwen: Good. Cause there ain't one!

Portia: Some people just can't wear pink and they totally can't. It upsets me on a fundemental level.

Bessie: (talking like a man to baby) You can put a diaper on it but your butt is still mine!

Bessie: (pulls baby out of couch) Hey! Look! A bonus baby!

Penny': And I found a peanut.

(Penny sucks the peanut up her nose and eats it)

Bessie: I love babies! I love their little soft spots on their little heads!

Penny: I have one of those! (pushes down soft spot on her head) Look! Squishy!

Penny: (about babysitting) Bessie, maybe we shouldn't.... There are four of them, and two of us. We're outnumbered three to one!

Hippie: (looking wise) If you love something, set it free.

(Happy puts Gwen's little brothers to sleep with a relaxing tune)

Little Brother #1: Mr. Happy, it's only three-thirty.

(Penny and Bessie fall out bike and into a big pile of fish)

Portia: What was that?

Gwen: Nothing. A fish just fell of its bicycle.

Portia: If you have red hair, just live in a hat!!

Bessie: I think babysitting would be awesome! You get to be in charge of everybody, and you have a list of numbers incase something goes wrong, and you get to put people to sleep, and play with babies!

Bessie: I don't know what to do! I'm only nine and three quarters! Someone, HELP ME!

Portia:(walking through woods) I hate walking. Walking is for the Amish!

Portia: (looks snobby) Ok, I'm the prettiest so I'll go first.

Bessie: I've been through some pretty intense stuff! Has everyone forgotten I rode the haunted house ride and I only barfed once? (looks insulted)

Bessie: (looking brave) I love the great outdoors!

Portia: Yeah, until the great outdoors gets dark.

Portia: I just feel like, I'm having a really pretty week right now. I feel so pretty!!

Hippie: (flying through air after being knocked off his bike by Bessie) Wow! It's happening! I'm flying! My father was wrong!

(later)

Penny: Wow! It's happening! I'm flying! My father was wrong!

Artificial Unintelligence/We Got the Bee [1.4]

Penny: (about the triangle) Its name is the same as its shape.

Bessie: (to Rocky's band) Sorry, you guys but, when a fellow Honeybee tears a wing, I must help her patch it up. Or glue it. Or use a staple.

Penny: Guys, I think there are like thirty people out there.... (scared)

Gwen: Try three-thousand!

Bessie: Yeah, I've got a lot of stuff to do before we practice too, like... practice, and... practice....

Ben: How do you play a dog? (pokes Happy)

(Happy growls)

Anton: (picks up rock from science fair contestant) This isn't even labeled properly. It should be labeled, "I bored everyone to death at the science fair."

(Emily pushes a woman)

Bessie: I'm so sorry! Emily, you didn't mean to hurt anyone did you?

Emily: Sorry.

(woman pushes Bessie)

Portia: (inside Bessie's robot) That's a pulley. She totally stole my idea.

(Ben pours juice into robot prototype)

Bessie: Ben, stop. You don't put juice into a robot! Geez....

Bessie: I'm a one man band! (plays her nose and makes armpit farts)

Band Member #1: She's like 4 2'!

Bessie: I can wear my moon boots!

Anton: You're not Portia.

Gwen: Yeah, Portia's sick.

Anton: How sick?

Gwen: Uh... big pimple.

(after Bessie saves Emily from falling through a bridge)

Bessie: Once again The Mighty B conquers fate!

Bessie: Geez, everyone wants a piece of the genius!

Mrs. Gibbons: Bessie, you have ruined the [voice getting deeper] honeybee science fair for everyone! DISQUALIFY HER!

Hilary: What about a simple machine?

Bessie: You mean like a pulley? Why don't I just roll a wheel down a hill and call it and day?!

Li'l Orphan Happy/Body Rockers [1.4]

Bessie: (to Rose after tattoo is washed off) You're not Happy's mom! There's an imposter among us!

Penny: I can't hold it all the way to the head!

Bessie: Think positive, Pen! You are a Bee. Picture your magnificent Bee wings flying you over a river of obstacles, letting all of your fear flow out of you!

Penny: (pleading) Don't say "flow"!

Bessie:(while she and Penny are being drowned by chili) Penny, I'm sorry for lying! I never rode a baby elephant!

Penny: I don't really have a unicorn in my basement!

Bessie: (while being swept away) No! You do! I've seen it!

Rainbow: Look at these white blood cells, united together to fight off the government- I mean, disease!

Rainbow: When we get sick, it means a foreign bacteria or virus has invaded our bodies- just like bill collectors or guys in suits telling you to pay your taxes. We attack them, and we throw them out!

(the kids stare at her)

Mrs. Gibbons: (smirking) Hm... surprise, surprise. The hippie doesn't like to pay taxes...

Rainbow: (about Jumbo Jim) What kind of food should we feed this body today, anyone?

Portia: Sushi....

Rainbow: I heard chili. Chili it is!

Bessie: Did I say trapped? I meant stuck!

Penny: Stuck!? Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever?!!?

Bessie: PENNY! GO TO YOUR QUIET PLACE!

Penny: (pointing to brain and talking to Bessie) Look! Someone forgot to flush!

Penny: I have to go right now. Right now!

Bessie: I hear ya. When a bee has to pee, a bee has a pee!

Bessie: (on bus after Mrs.Gibbons tells girls to pair up) I call Penny! I know you all wanted her but, you snooze you loose!

Penny: What'd I win?

Bessie: (looking around) This isn't a bathroom.... it's a brain!

Penny: I can't pee in someone's brain!

Portia: (about Rainbow) Hear that, Messie? She called you stinky.

Bessie: Yes, but she also said wonder!

Bessie: (to Happy) Are you still mad about the steak tip? I mean, I know I should have asked you first but, I just thought it was a nice gesture. I would have had you sign the card but, your paw print isn't legible. I mean, everyone thinks you're a rabbit!

Bat Mitzvah Crashers/Super Secret Weakness [1.5]

Ben: Bessie, what's the Mighty bee's weakness?

Bessie: (laughing) Excuse me? Her what?

Ben: Ever single super hero I know has a weakness which robs them of their powers. Eraser Girl has permanent ink, Black T-Shirt Guy has dandruff-

Bessie: (stammering) No-no she-she doesn't. You-you would think she did but she doesn't have anything like that. She is in a word, indestructible, and now I must leave.

(Bessie knocks on Penny's window at night, Penny opens the window)

Penny: What are you doing here in the middle of the night? It must be eight-thirty o'clock!

Penny: (walks up to bat mitzah guest) Hi, I'm Penny, your cousin from Tele... tele.... television! I'm Penny, your cousin from television!

Bessie: (about monkey in diapers) It's so cute I wanna eat it!

Bessie: Hey, are those real tears?

Portia: (feeling underneath her eye) I think so...

Chelsea: "Because" is not an answer! Why were you sitting at the head table? You know you're not head table!

Portia: (whimpering) I said, sorry...

Chelsea: (disgusted, walking away) Laters, Portia. You are so officially NOT my cousin!

(Portia breaks down and cries)

Gwen: What took you so long?

Penny: I had to use my legs.

Portia: (to Bessie and Penny) What are you guys doing here? If Chelsea finds you she'll kill us!

Penny: We know.

Chelsea: (on cell phone) It sounds like you're telling me I can't have mini egg rolls. You're not telling me that, right? 'Cause this is my bat mitzvah we're talking about. Get it done or you're fired! (scoffs) I love you too, Mommy...(hangs up)

Bessie: (to Penny) Pen, we're done. We're hanging up our tights.

Penny: (on phone) Do you wanna pet a monkey?

Bessie: (excited) Do I wanna pet a monkey?! Does a bee have wings!?

And I See A Bee/Woodward and Beesting [1.6]

(Gwen calls Bessie in phone booth across the street)

Gwen: I can see you, Sherlock Homie!

Bessie: (sitting with Penny, Gwen and Portia) Ah, finally some quality time together. Nothing like tiny beads and fishing line to keep our bee bond strong!

Bessie: Are you gonna help me?

Ben: Yes?

Bessie: (shakes Ben's hand, Ben looks excited) Great! Glad to have you aboard! Gimme all your Halloween candy. (Ben's excitement fades)

Penny: (walks into birthday party blindfolded) Is it everything you saw, Bessie?

Bessie: (looks at Gwen, Portia, and Penny's dad with a cake) Well... there's cake!

Bessie: Penny, I'm the amazing Bessie. Don't you believe me?

Penny: Of course I do! My own pony! I'm gonna go home and set up his litter box!

Bessie: (looking at Honeybee badge list) There is an ESP badge! I knew it! (looking afraid) I knew it......

Bessie: (feels curtain) Ah, velvet. Glamorous!

Doppelfinger/Little Womyn [1.7]

Bessie: Wait, I always put badges on the outside of my sash, what's a few boogers on the inside?

Bessie: Ah, Fingare. You pick even better than you scratch. But, can you flick?

Penny: (eating crickets) You guys taste as cute as you look!

Portia: I'm gonna go chew gum. Who wants to come watch?

Bessie: I do always say, we should explore our oceans and rivers before we conquer space!

The Apprentice/Beenadict Arnold [1.8]

Mrs. Gibbons: Boss, now That was a nice ring. (looks down) Eek! let's lose the yellow eye shadow, girls. Not even I can sell that.

Portia: Mommy, my finger tips are starting to chafe, Tiiiirrrrred.

Portia: Mommy, bessie's in my room. Call the police!

Mrs. Gibbons: Try to ignore her, dear, she's helping mommy sell her makeup.

Mrs. Gibbons: (on seeing Ben running around on all fours and barking) Well, the Higgenbottom boy's deranged...

Bessie: Marco!

Happy: Polo!

Bessie: Marco!

Happy: Polo!

Bessie: Marco!

Happy: Polo!

Bessie: (rushes into portia's room and uncovers happy's cage) Now aren't you glad I taught you Marco Polo? (unlocks the cage to victory then suddenly portia arrives)

Portia: Whaddya think you're doing, stinkenbottom?

Bessie: He's my dog, portia. And we're going home together!

Portia: You're not going anywhere! (happy breaks his diamond collar and portia freaks) ahhh! those are 14 carat cubic zirconia, you classless mutt!

Ben: If I didn't have such a sweet deal with Mom, I'd go live with Portia, too!

Bessie: Come on, Ben!

Ben: I told you, my dog name is "Pizza"!

Boston Beean/Penny Hearts Joey [1.9]

Bessie: (dusting badges while standing on Sissy's shoulders) Thanks, Sis. I've been trying to reach that row forever!

Sissy: My pleasure. It's truly awesome.

Bessie: I organize it using the Dewey Decimal System. If it's good enough for the library of Congress it's good enough for Bessie Higgenbottom!

Virginia: (coughs) Sorry, I got that jet-lag.

Hilary: (pours drink) Oh, this should help. Yorgomata?

Virginia: I'm a what?

Sissy: Hey! Someone's a real sharp dresser!

Bessie: Awesome accent! Everything sounds so glamorous when you say it!

Bessie: Where are they? I hope the plane didn't take a wrong turn mom. Mom, maybe we should call the Honeybee exchange program! Mom, what if our guests are lost?

Hilary: Honey, calm down. They should be here any minute!

Bessie: Ah, but I can't stand it! I can't wait to meet my foreign bee friend!

Hilary: Bessie, I keep trying to tell you, Sissy's from Boston! The east coast isn't another country!

Bessie: Does she speak English? Does she watch TV? Is her winter my summer? Does she wear pants?!

(Bessie awakes to Sissy up and active)

Bessie: What time is it?! Did we miss a meeting

Sissy: No, I'm just an early bird.

Bessie: I am too! Sometimes I don't even sleep I get up so early!

Ten Little Honeybees [1.10]

Portia: I want a half balloon! Figure it out!

Richard and Nick: Uh...

Portia: If you don't find a half balloon, then you can't have any Cheffon cake. Mom said.

Bessie: Tell me... where were you when the lights went out?

Gwen: Waiting for cake like everyone else!

Bessie: Ah-ha! So you admit you were at the scene of the crime!

Bessie: (sees rock) Uh-huh... This narrows it down to.... everyone in this room! Bum bum bum!

Toot Toot! [1.10]

Gwen: What's up? Where we going?

Portia: On a field trip! Messie's not the only one who can make things happen!

Penny: To the exploratorium?

Portia: I cancelled that! We're going to the mall to watch me try on makeup.

Portia: It was her! It was horrible!!

Gwen: Spit it out girl!! Tell it, Tell it!!

Penny: It smelled like, rotten eggs and chocolate ice cream

Something Wrong With This Taffy/Name Shame [1.21]

Benjamin: (tied to a chair) No, I won't do it!

Gwen: (certain) Oh yes, you will.

Portia: What is Bessie's middle name? Finish this word: Ka-ka...

Benjamin: (anguished) What would happen if I tell is worse than anything you can ever do to me!

Portia: Oh, we're not gonna do anything to you. But I can't say the same for your stupid bear-doll. (holding the bear)

Portia: Understand what, Messy Kajolica? (laugh manically and some of her hair comes off) Where was I? Oh yeah. (laugh more manically) Kajolica! ♫ For she’s Kajolica fellow ♫ (her hair falls out after she says's Kajolica) My hair! Some of these aren't even extensions. What is going on?

Gwen: (laughing) Can't stop saying it. Kajolica! Ha ha, ha ha- (wallpaper peels and wraps over her mouth, silencing her, then snatches her)

Bessie: (as Penny is about to speak) Penny, no! Everyone, it's time your heard the truth. Some years ago, Ben and I discovered that my middle name is not only very embarrassing, it is cursed. You heard me, cursed! When ever somebody says it out loud something bad happens, usually immediately like just now.

Benjamin: See, told ya it would be worse if I told ya!

Porita: Um, I like sent it to everyone in my bee-berry. Is that bad? (bee-berry explodes)

Bessie: Ben, we gotta run! (rushes out of the house with him)

Bessie: (after coming back to The Hive) Ben, shut the window down. I can't listen to that song anymore.

Ben: (with the singing outside) Well it's better than everyone saying Kajolica. ( The Hive explodes Into a Million Pieces, cut then to Bars and Tone.)