Romy and Michele's High School Reunion is a 1997 film about two women who are determined to show the people they went to high school with that they are not losers. Directed by David Mirkin and written by Robin Schiff

Romy White

• (about the movie Pretty Woman) Aw, look, poor thing - they won't let her shop. Yeah - like those salesgirls in Beverly Hills aren't bigger whores than she is.
• Oh, Ramon! Your penis is so powerful! I'm coming! Okay, thanks, get off me now.
• Isn't it weird when you're not friends with your friends anymore? I mean, Michele and I just fell out of touch about two hours ago.
• Have a "Romy and Michele" day!

Michele Weinberger

• You know, even though we've watched Pretty Woman like thirty-six times, I never get tired of making fun of it.
• You know, even though I had to wear that stupid back brace and you were kind of fat, we were still totally cutting edge.
• You look so good with blond hair and black roots its like not even funny.
• For me, it's like I've just given birth to my own baby girl, except she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says "shit" a lot. You know?

Heather Mooney

• OK cowboy, I don't know what your trip is, but if this is some kind of a sick game. If you fuck with me, in any way, I will rip each and every appendage from your body, starting with your dick. Capice?
• Why don't you tell everyone I said to go fuck themselves for making my teen years a living hell?
• (holds up her cigarette) I'd rather put this out on my ass!
• Why are you tormenting me? Why don't you go fuck a sheep, or your sister, or yourself? Braindead redneck asshole!
• This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

Dialogue

Heather: Do you live with Michele Weinberger?

Romy: Yeah.

Heather: I just figured she'd be married to Sandy by now.

Romy: Sandy Frink?

Heather: Yes, Sandy Frink! He could barely contain his erection every time she walked by! Why do you think he always carried around that huge notebook?

Romy: The Frink-a-zoid and Michele, I'm sure! Besides, didn't you have a thing for Sandy in high school?

Heather: I did not have a thing! I did not have a thing, I did not have a thing! I was very much in love with him! Very much in love and there's a difference!

[to customer behind her]

Heather: There's a difference!

[to Romy]

Heather: There's a difference! I have to go now!

Michele: Remember the prom? You got so thin by then.

Romy: Oh, I know. I was so lucky getting mono. That was like the best diet ever.

Michele: To me, fashion is just like... everything. [looks at a customer looking into a mirror] By the way... Hi! That blouse looks great on you!

Irate Customer: [looking pleased] Thank you!

Michele: And see? I have this really believable way of telling people they look really good, even though I'm just, you know... [does masturbating gesture]

[Irate Customer looks embarrassed and leaves]

Michele: I think she heard me.

Michele: Did you lose weight?

Romy: Actually, I have been trying this new fat free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.

Michele: God, I wish I had your discipline.

Michele: I'm the Mary, and you're the Rhoda.

Romy: You're the Rhoda; you're the Jewish one.

Christie: So, Mi-chele! What are you up to?

Michele: Oh, okay. Um, I invented Post-Its.

Christie: No offense, Michele, but how in the world did you think of Post-Its?

Michele: Uh...

[looks across the room at Romy talking to Billy Christianson]

Romy: And I thought of them completely by myself. I mean, all Michele did was say: "What about making them yellow?"

Michele: [turns to the A Group] Actually I invented a special kind of glue.

Christie: Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?

Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin, and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns...out I was right.

Cheryl: I don't believe it!

Christie: What?

Cheryl: That!

Kelly: They're ba-aaack!

Christie: Nice outfits. Post-it's must be really lucrative!

Michele: Romy, are you sure you wanna do this?

Romy: Oh yeah, Michele. I am so sure!

Romy: What the hell is your problem, Christie. Why are you always such a nasty bitch? I mean, okay, so Michele and I did make up some stupid lie! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I realized? I don't care if you like us, 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think!

(Cheryl and Kelly laugh sarcastically)

Romy: Come on Michele.

Michele: Okay, and...yeah!

Christie: Unbelievable! They're as deluded about their lives as they are about those hideous clothes

Lisa: Actually, Christie. They have nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All in all, I'd have to say they're really...not bad!

Christie: Well, we still think they're ridiculous. Don't we girls?

Lisa: Why don't you just let them think for themselves for once?

Christie: You're just jealous. Because unlike a certain ball-busting dried up career woman, I might mention, we're all happily married!

Lisa: That's right, Christie...keep telling yourself that.

Toby: Since you never got around to it in high school, I was wondering if you would sign my yearbook. And please don't tell me to fuck off, because it really hurts my feelings.

Heather: I hurt your feelings?

Toby: Yeah, all the time.

Heather: Tremendous! That's tremendous! Go get your stupid yearbook, I would be happy to sign it!

Heather: [attempting to light a cigarette, turns and sees the cowboy offering her a light] Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what do you want?

Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.

Heather: Why not, couldn't catch 'em?

Romy: Heather, um, has anyone ever told you that smoking can kill you?

Heather: No. No one. Thank you.

Romy: I've been killing myself for eight days and I gained a pound.

Michele: That's impossible. Did you deduct sixteen pounds for your shoes?

Cast

Mira Sorvino - Romy White

Lisa Kudrow - Michele Weinberger

Janeane Garofalo - Heather Mooney

Alan Cumming - Sandy Frink

Julia Campbell - Christie Masters

Mia Cottet - Cheryl

Kristin Bauer - Kelly

Elaine Hendrix - Lisa Luder

Vincent Ventresca - Billy Christensen

Camryn Manheim - Toby Walters

Justin Theroux - Cowboy

External Links

• Romy and Michele's High School Reunion quotes at the Internet Movie Database