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Hell's Kitchen is an American cooking reality show based on the British program of the same title, where Chef Gordon Ramsay puts aspiring chefs through different challenges and dinner services to decide who is the best.

Episode One [1.01]

Elsie: [about Chef Ramsay] He's like the Simon Cowell of the kitchen.

Jessica Cabo: He's worse than Simon Cowell.

Narrator: The time has come for the competitors' first encounter with Chef Ramsay and his legendary high standards. They have no idea what they're in for.

[Signature dishes]

Gordon: I'm Gordon Ramsay, welcome to Hell's Kitchen. (on Andrew's dish) Whose is this?

Andrew Bonito: Andrew, Chef Ramsay.

Gordon: Andrew, step forward. And what is it?

Andrew Bonito: It's called Andrew's Absolute Penne.

Gordon: Andrew's Absolute Penne?

Andrew Bonito: Correct.

Gordon: (takes a taste of the dish and spits it out) That, is absolute dog (bleep). You taste it.

Andrew Bonito: (tastes the dish) Could use some salt.

Gordon: You think you're smart, don't you?

Andrew Bonito: I have my moments.

Gordon: And how long have you been working as a professional chef?

Andrew Bonito: Ten years.

Gordon: What a waste of ten years. Get back in (bleep) line.

Gordon: (After tasting Ralph's dish) And what position are you?

Ralph: I'm the number one.

Gordon: You're the number one? With that (bleep)?

Gordon: First name?

Dewberry: Dewberry.

Gordon: Blueberry?

Narrator: Now the red kitchen's first entrées are about to go out. All that's left is a piece of salmon from the most experienced chef on the red team.

Gordon: Chris.

Chris North: Yes, chef?

Gordon: Come here. You're an executive chef right?

Chris North: Yes, chef.

Gordon: What do you think of that?

Chris North: It's a little (bleep) up chef.

Gordon: (slams the fish in Chris' chest) There you go. Sorry. I told you (bleep) earlier. Hello? And you knew it's (bleep) up.

Chris North: You're right chef.

Gordon: And an executive chef doesn't serve (bleep) like that do they?

Chris North: I apologize, chef.

Gordon: Yeah, you apologize. Don't you DO it again! Okay?

Chris North: I'll start it again chef. (interview) I haven't gotten where I am today without having skills. I think Gordon recognizing talent is going to come with time.

Gordon: Send the whole (bleep) table back. The executive chef has just sent me an overcooked piece of (bleep). (interview) Chris has a huge chip on his shoulder. He's an executive chef which basically means you sit on your arse all day long. And clearly he's been doing that for the last ten years.

Andrew Bonito: How does this look, Chef Ramsay?

Gordon: What do you mean "How does this look?" Hey, Andrew, get out the habit. Come here you. I'm not going to run to you, I'm trying to run the hotplate here so would you be so kind to come and talk to me. Is that clear?

Andrew Bonito: (interview) I firmly believe that Chef Ramsay just doesn't like me.

Andrew Bonito: Is this acceptable chef?

Gordon: Yeah, listen to me. Did you hear my (bleep) question?

Andrew Bonito: Yes.

Gordon: Answer it! Okay?!

Andrew Bonito: Yes.

Gordon: Good, now what are you saying?

Andrew Bonito: I'm asking you if this looks acceptable.

Gordon: Right, get on the hotplate.

Andrew Bonito: (interview) You want to pick on me? Pick on me! I don't give a (bleep)!

Gordon: And you think every time you want to ask me a question, fat (bleep), that I'm going to run over there and talk to you while I'm trying to run the kitchen. You (bleep) come to me! Is that clear?

Andrew Bonito: Yes, chef.

Gordon: Now what was the question?

Andrew Bonito: Is this acceptable to you?

Gordon: I'll let you know. Now, (bleep) off! (interview) Andrew likes to learn the hard way. Kitchens are run on emotions. I may get upset. But the most important thing is, it's not personal.

Lady: Chef? Mr. Chef?

Gordon: Yes ladies?

Lady: You hurt my friend's feelings.

Gordon: I hurt your friend's feelings.

Lady: Yes, she's very upset

Gordon: Why?

Lady: Because you told her to (bleep) off.

Gordon: Oh really? Did I?

Lady: Yeah you did.

Gordon: Could you tell her that I meant it?

Lady: Yeah, I'll tell her.

Gordon: Jean-Philippe Susilovic? Can you take these two ladies please back to plastic surgery?

[After a dismal opening night, Chef Ramsay has had it]

Gordon: Blue team, stop what you're doing. Stop what you're doing. Forget it. (crosses over to the red kitchen) Red team?

Red team: Yes, chef?

Gordon: Switch it off. I'm shutting down the kitchen. I'm so pissed off, I'm not prepared to see anymore (bleep) food coming out. SHUT IT DOWN.

Episode Two [1.02]

Gordon: (interview) You can't have the meat standing there or the fish sat there waiting for the vegetables. Why should everything else suffer?

[A man comes up to the hot plate]

Gordon: You're waiting on a wellington and one bass yes? Well I'm deeply, deeply, deeply sorry but right now we're about seven tables behind.

Man: That doesn't do much for me.

Gordon: Yeah right can I just say you do (bleep) all for me either.

Man: Sorry?

Gordon: You do nothing for me either.

Man: I just don't understand why it's so difficult to serve some people their food.

Gordon: Are you that arrogant? You haven't got a clue of what's going on behind me?

Man: It seems like you have a lot of amateur sous chefs.

Gordon: Right. Finally your head's coming outside your (bleep). Now sit down, you (bleep, bleep)! What an (bleep)!

Narrator: Nothing upsets Chef Ramsay more than when customers come to the kitchen.

Gordon: Away now, two cod, two wellington. (gets no response from Dewberry) Away now, two cod, two wellington.

Dewberry: Yes, chef.

Gordon: How long?

Dewberry: 12 minutes.

Gordon: 12 minutes? Show me your wellington's rested.

Dewberry: I have no idea.

Gordon: What?!

Dewberry: I have no idea, I am so confused.

Gordon: Oh, my god! You don't care anymore do you?

Dewberry: At this point, no I don't.

Gordon: You're not interested anymore?

Dewberry: No.

Gordon: No, you can't cut it?

Dewberry: No I can't.

Gordon: You're useless, you know that?

Dewberry: I am. Goodbye! (starts to leave)

Gordon: Goodbye. That's it? (Red team calls for Dewberry to come back)

Dewberry: (interview) When I got ready to leave and I saw the look on Elsie's face, I knew I couldn't walk out.

Dewberry: (coming back) Sorry chef. I'm confused. I don't know what I'm doing.

Gordon: Thank you for coming back. You never, hello? desert your section again! You understand?

Dewberry: Yes, chef.

Gordon: You stand there like a man and you face it!

Dewberry: Yes, chef.

Gordon: Because I'm standing in front of customers taking (bleep) because of you!

Dewberry: Yes, chef.

Gordon: Get on your section and get those wellingtons out.

Dewberry: Yes, chef.

Dewberry: (interview) He was trying to get me to understand what the shortcomings were and about staying with the team and he was trying to get me to be I guess better than I am evidently. (sheds a tear.)

Gordon: He hasn't cooked anything because he's standing there. Now he wants to run back to his mommy.

[after a disapponting performance from both teams, Chef Ramsay decided to shut the kitchen down]

Narrator: After pizza was delivered and his maître d' was assaulted, Chef Ramsay has seen enough.

Gordon: Red team, shut the place down and clean down, yeah?

Red team: Yes, chef.

Gordon: (crosses over to the blue kitchen) Last table, shut it down. Everything off, yes? Stoves off, turn it off.

Gordon: Red team, three quarters of your diners really enjoyed the appetizers but nearly half your diners didn't receive their main course. In fact, and this is a real first for me. One of your tables was so frustrated, they phoned for a (bleep) pizza. And guess what? They ate it and the main course still hadn't come out. That is one not to forget.

Gordon: Dewberry, You're going home for one simple reason. You're a coward. You turned your back on your team after you screwed them.

Episode Three [1.03]

Gordon: Wendy, is the water boiling?

Wendy: No, chef, it's taking forever.

Gordon: Did you top it off with cold water?

Wendy: Yes, chef.

Gordon: Why did you put cold water in there?

Wendy: I thought that cold water was supposed to boil faster than hot water.

Gordon: What?!

Gordon: Jeff, one spaghetti lobster with no lobster in it. The other is loaded with lobster. Wear that one out!

(Michael steps in and splits the spaghetti lobster for Jeff.)

Narrator: Chef Ramsay's addition of Michael to the red team is already paying off.

Maryann: (to Jeff) Say "Thank you Mike." Say "Thank you Mike."

Jeff: Thank you Mike. (under his breath) They're expecting too much for someone who's never been on a (bleep) line before.

[Jeff has been struggling throughout dinner service]

Chris North: Jeff, did you hear that (last order)?

Jeff: No, I'm done man. I'm finished.

Chris North: No you're not! Come back, Jeff!

Gordon: Here we go with that. Are you going to run?

Jeff: No, I'm going to stay and finish up service.

Gordon: Oh really. Why?

Jeff: Because I'm not a quitter.

Gordon: You're not a quitter. Hey, you're not a (bleep) cook either. (walks back to the pass)

Jeff: (under his breath) You're an (bleep)!

Maryann: What was that? What did you just say? I want you to say it louder! I want you to say it louder, Jeff!

Gordon: Come here. What did you say?

Jeff: If you don't like me, I don't know what to tell you. You're an (bleep)!

Chris North: That's not cool, Jeff.

Gordon: Unbelievable.

Chris North: That is not (bleep) cool.

Jeff: (takes his jacket off and leaves the kitchen) Send my ass home. I've had enough of this (bleep)!

Gordon: Jeff, well, I had to laugh at the end when he called me an (bleep)hole. I've been called far worse than that. Wendy, well it's about time I put you out of your misery.

Episode Four [1.04]

Episode Five [1.05]

Episode Six [1.06]

[During the tasting challenge]

Gordon: Andrew, can you hear me, you jumped-up little politician, can you hear me? (contestants chuckle) Oh good, that's working. Jimmy, what's it like to be slim? He definitely can't hear me.

Later:

Gordon: Jimmy, don't eat my fingers.

Andrew Bonito: Feels like chicken, tastes like chicken...

Gordon: So, what is it?

Andrew Bonito: Chicken.

Jimmy: It tasted like a meat tortellini with a bit of sweated onions in the background.

Gordon: (Bleep)! (Gordon doubles over, contestants chuckle) That was chicken, you (bleep)!

Jimmy: Uh, okay

Elsie: Tortellini, where in the (bleep) does he get tortellini from?

(During the tasting of sweetbreads)

Michael Wray: It's something awful man, something from a cow that I shouldn't be eating. It tastes like a brain or something like that. I don't know. (Gordon laughs).

[The Blue team's storeroom has been locked for tonight's service. Once they unlock it and take the chickens out, Andrew tries to tape the latch of the door right when Scott passes by.]

Scott Leibfried: What are you doing? Get that (bleep) tape off of there. Now get the (bleep) back in there! You think I'm (bleep) stupid?! I'm not stupid like you. Come here. You (bleep) guys (bleep) it up, and you get a punishment and you don't (bleep) break it so it works for you. You blew it, pay the consequences! Got it?

Andrew Bonito: Yes, chef.

Scott Leibfried: Why don't you try being as serious as these people are on your team instead of being a jerk? (takes the chickens back into the storeroom)

Ralph: Chef, I'm going to break those down right now.

Scott Leibfried: No you're not, because Andrew just ruined it for you because he was taping the door. When you need them you gotta come in here and get one.

Episode Seven [1.07]

Gordon: Jimmy, You won the challenge yesterday. You get to decide the person who will be serving the Caesar Salad and Fruit Flambe tableside.

Jimmy: Jesus.

Gordon: What's that? Uh, no.

Jimmy: He didn't make it to the final five.

Gordon: (to Jimmy)...hey, hey, listen, listen. Don't (bleep) start shouting your fat mouth at me. Hey, hey look at me. So I'm asking you, why you're putting the (bleep) fish stock on the (bleep) risotto?! GET IT OFF!!!

Gordon: Why isn't the fish in the pan? (no answer from Jimmy) Why isn't--

Jimmy: I'M TRYING TO (bleep) DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!

Gordon: Come here you. Come here you.

Jimmy: No!

Gordon: What do you mean no?

Jimmy: I'm trying to do them in the same time.

Gordon: Just calm down. Just calm (bleep) down.

Jimmy: I'm trying to do them both at the same time.

Gordon: Are you about to crack?

Jimmy: No.

Gordon: Don't (bleep) shout at me. What are you going to do?

Jimmy: I'm going to stay and finish.

Gordon: Calm down while I'm standing here pissed off. What about those (bleep) customers there then?

Jimmy: I'm trying for them.

Gordon: Just talk to me properly or (bleep) off! Is that clear?

Jimmy: Yes, chef.

Gordon: Right. Is the fish in the pan?

Jimmy: No, chef.

Gordon: Get it in the pan.

Jimmy: Yes.

Gordon: (sees Jessica's pan catching fire) Oh, (bleep) sake! Jessica, what are you doing? Shut it down, yes? (the remaining chefs groaned) Yeah? (to the chefs) And I'm going to tell you why I'm going to shut it down, okay? Because two individuals let me down here tonight, you (Jimmy) are one of them and you're (Jessica) the other one. And you think that is bad, I'll tell you what, if you'll ever going to to make it. You'll have to take a lot more pressure than that. Shut it down. (to Jean-Philippe) Tell the customers, I'm closing the place down.

Episode Eight [1.08]

Episode Nine [1.09]

Gordon: (On making a souffle) When they work, it's a dream come true. But when they don't work, it's a huge disappointment.

Ralph: (interview) When we saw these last five tickets counted down. It was like the countdown to the new millenium.

[Michael, Ralph and Jessica have successfully completed dinner service]

Gordon: Okay, well done. Bloody well done. First time ever in Hell's Kitchen, we have completed a fully booked dining room. starters, mains and desserts. You three did it. (high fives the three chefs) Team, team and team. And last night, none of us had any sleep. 24 hours virtually. And do you know the most important thing about tonight's service? Did you see any food come back?

Michael Wray: No way.

Gordon: No. Did you see any dishes come back? No, nothing. And do you know the most exciting thing for me from a chef's point of view? Every dish looked the same. Spot on. Well done. I am a very proud man.

Episode Ten [1.10] (Two Hour Finale)

[Jean Philippe and Ralph are discussing waitstaff uniforms for Ralph's restaurant.]

Ralph: Men are men and women are women and there's no reason to dress them alike.

Jean-Philippe: No... Do you want the ladies to wear some black panties?

Ralph: Excuse me? Leggings? Uh, panty hose?

Jean Philippe: Mm-hmm, you have to think about those things, I tell you.