Tanner's Island [3.1]

[while Danny runs after the runaway boat, Jesse follows him]

Rebecca: Jesse, you'll never catch that boat!

Jesse: I don't wanna catch the boat. I wanna catch Danny!

Back To School Blues [3.2]

Joey: [upon seeing Jesse move like Elvis Presley] Jesse, Elvis never made one golf movie.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do [3.3]

Nerd For A Day

Danny: Joey, let's go! We're gonna be late!

Joey: Danny, what is the big rush?

Danny: Joey, you know I always leave the house at exactly 7:48. Now, thanks to you, I'm already two minutes late.

Joey: What are you talking about? We are right on time.

Danny: Joey. That's a barometer.

Joey: Well, in that case, we'd better get moving. There's a hurricane brewing.

Granny Tanny

Jesse: Who let you outta your crib?

Michelle: I let me out.

Jesse: You mean you climbed over the bars and jumped down all by yourself?

Michelle: You got it, dude.

Jesse: Jail break!

Star Search

Jesse: Joseph, you've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start acting like a human being.

And They Call It Puppy Love

[Joey reads from the tabloids]

Joey: Listen to this, Michelle. "Psychic struck by lightning". If he was any good, he'd have seen that coming.

Divorce Court

Rebecca: [whilst Jesse, Danny and Joey race] For those of you at home who think you're watching a slow-motion replay, do not be fooled. They are actually moving at this speed.

Dr. Dare Rides Again

Pete: (in an old video from '83, when Jesse does the dare of his life) The doctor is about to operate!

Jesse: Aren't you a little overdramatic there?

Pete: Not if you die.

Jesse: Hey, look, I was dared, so I'm gonna do it.

Girl next to him: Not without a kiss for luck first.

Jesse: Have mercy.

Pete: [so annoyed by their good-luck kiss, covers the camera lens with his right hand] Aw, don't waste tape on this. This is disgusting!

The Greatest Birthday on Earth

Danny: Joey, what is an elephant doing in my living room?

JoJo: Surprise, Cleano!

[the elephant catches JoJo's briefs with his trunk]

JoJo: The surprise is on JoJo. She got my underwear!

Danny: I got a great cake.

Joey: Did ya get the triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown's face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya, did ya, DID YA?

Danny: Yes, Joey. Look at this. [shows Joey the cake]

Joey: Yes!

Aftershocks

Joey & Stacy and... Oh, Yeah, Jesse

Joey: [Right after kissing Stacy] Ay chihuahua!

Jesse: Ay chihuahua?

Joey: I could've said, "Have mercy!" but it felt more like an, "Ay chihuahua!"

No More Mr. Dumb Guy

Misadventures in Baby-Sitting

Brian: Oh no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!

Danny: [to Steve, who is smoking heavily] You, sir, are a chimney!

Lust in the Dust

Bye Bye, Birdie

Michelle: Hi, Dave, you're a pretty bird!

Miss Petrie: Ready for a story boys and girls?

Michelle: Come on, it's story time!

Aaron: Miss Petrie, Dave flew out the window, Michelle did it.

Miss Petrie: Well, it was just an accident, I'm sure Michelle didn't mean to do it.

Michelle: I'm sorry, I'm a bad girl!

Aaron: A very bad girl!

13 Candles

Stephanie: [alarm clock goes off] What time is it?

D.J.: It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.

Stephanie: You have an excellent memory.

D.J.: (gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.

Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose!

D.J.: I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.

Stephanie: I liked you better when you were a kid.

D.J.: Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)

Kimmy: D.J., what are you doing dancing with Elliott? You should be dancing with Kevin Guin.

D.J.: I would, but Kevin didn't ask me.

Kimmy: Then ask him. It's very simple, watch. (Turns to Bitterman) Hey, Bitterman, you wanna dance?

Bitterman: Sure, why not?

Kimmy: Maybe later. I'm busy.

• Jake & Kimmy (after they kiss): Whoa, baby!

Mr. Egghead

Michelle: Joey broke Stephanie's nose.

Danny: [to Joey] You broke Stephanie's nose?!

Those Better Not Be Those Days

(Danny, Jesse and Joey look into the future and see that Stephanie, DJ and Michelle are adults and still living at home)

Adult Kimmy: (Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!

Jesse: Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!

Adult Kimmy: Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.

(afterwards)

Jesse: That was so depressing.

Joey: Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?

Jesse: No, not that - my hair.

Honey, I Broke The House

(when there was a car in the kitchen)

Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!

DJ & Kimmy: WHOA BABY!!

DJ: There's a car in the kitchen!

Michelle: I told you so.

DJ: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?

Michelle: Yes, I do!

DJ: How?

Michelle: Through the window!

Danny: Joey, are you all right? You had us worried sick!

Joey: Danny, I'm fine.

Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!

Stephanie: I dru--- I dru--- I dru---

Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break?

(Joey leans on car, sobbing.)

Michelle: Don't cry. Be a big boy.

Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!

Just Say No Way

Three Men and Another Baby

Jesse: (about the baby they're watching) You see cute, I see smelly diapers.

Fraternity Reunion

(after the TV fell off the banister)

Danny: What? Why? How? Who?!

Michelle: Daddy's a girl.

Stephanie: No, he's a woman.

Kimmy: An ugly woman.

Our Very First Telethon

Danny: I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.

Joey: Danny, you've been out for four hours.

Danny: (checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...

Rebecca: Danny, we're still on the air.

Danny: (to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show.