Chapter One [1.01]

[first lines]

H.U.E.: The outcome was never in our favor, Gary.

Gary: Cut it to me straight, H.U.E. What are my chances of getting out of this mess?

H.U.E.: In your current state, you will pass the point of recovery in 10 minutes. You are also leaking O2, Gary.

Gary: Huh, look at that. They went with green for a red alert. I mean, I would have went with red, a periwinkle. Heck, I mean, even eggnog. I don't even know if that's a color, but, oh, good Lord, now I just want eggnog.

H.U.E.: The rate of the leak will render you lifeless in nine minutes.

Gary: You are really buttering me up with fantastic news.

H.U.E.: I'm afraid, Gary, there is no foreseeable outcome where you survive.

Gary: These tickets suck -- right in the nosebleeds.

Gary: The less H.U.E. -- who, between us, is a bit of a dick -- knows about you, the better. [puts Mooncake on the shelf] Okay, let's get you in here. You ready? [closes the door on Mooncake]

Mooncake: Chookity! Chookity, chookity!

Gary: Please close. Okay, it's not fitting. It's not working. [moves Mooncake under the matress] I hide there sometimes. I'm like a mattress ghost. Don't tell anyone. Oh, perfect! Per-- no, it's not perfect. That sucks. Why does that suck so hard?! Okay, how about this? [puts underwear on Mooncake's head] Sometimes I hide -- I like to hide from myself by putting underwear on the circumference of my head. How about that? How's it fit?

Mooncake: Chookity.

Gary: Perfect!

Chapter Two [1.02]

Green Alien: I love Mommy more!

Blue Alien: No, I love Mommy more!

Gary: Okay, just, uh -- stop -- keep -- stop tugging too hard, babies.

[they grab on until they scream]

David: Melanie?! Oh, God!

Gary: So you probably have a few questions.

David: Get out of here, you maniac!

[David starts to cry]

[Gary and Avocato are falling down Tera Con Prime]

Gary: We're falling! Oh, my gosh!

Gary and Avocato: Wahhh! [they bump into a window]

Gary: Oh, my God, David, kids! It's me, your mother! [the aliens scream] No, my arm! I forgot my arm back up there! [the lasers start to shoot] This is no good! H. U. E, pick up, pick up! [the doors close] Are those what I think they are?

Avocato: Viper turrets.

Gary: Okay, that's not good. That's not good! Quick, hug me.

Avocato: Hug you?

Gary: Hug a friend!

Avocato: What?

Gary: Hug me! Oh, we're hugging!

[Gary and Avocato hug each other as they fall out the exit]

Chapter Three [1.03]

[the cookies started to come out]

Gary: Aaah! Why am I the only one covered in cookies? You have no cookies!

Avocato: Gary, de-think the cookies!

Gary: Not sure that's possible. I'm a very creative guy. Like, wouldn't it be cool if they had, like, laser eyes? [the cookies started to shoot] Run! [he and Avocato start to run] Oh, my God!

Avocato: Think of something else! Anything else!

Gary: What, like tridents?

Avocato: No! No!

Gary: Yeah! Yes!

Avocato: No! Not like tridents! [he jumps]

Gary: I'm thinking about little trident-wielding laser-shooting death cookies! I'm thinking of nothing, nothing, nothing. Oh! Whoa! Oh! Oh, my gosh.

Mr. Cookie: I'm going to eat your eyes out.

Mrs. Cookie: And pee in your sockets!

Mr. Cookie: You're never going to leave this place.

Gary: [sees a cookie running] Why is that one cookie lone-wolfing it across the edge? Oh! He's leaping! Whoa! He's like an angel! Oh, my God

Mr. Cookie: I'm going to kill you!

Gary: It's stabbing my eyes! [he and Avocato fall]

Quinn: Hi, Gary.

Gary: Quinn? It's been a long time.

Quinn: Come here. I missed you.

Gary: Is it really you?

Quinn: Closer.

Gary: Get off me! It's part of the trap.

Quinn: Gary, don't listen to him.

Avocato: You need to trust me. She isn't real.

Little Cato: Are we going home, dad?

Avocato: Trust me, buddy. We both need to wake up.

Gary: I don't want to wake up.

Avocato: Then you're really not going to want this. [the pieces start to crack]

Chapter Four [1.04]

Quinn: Nice work. I need to commandeer your ship. I have a class-three priority.

Gary: Quinn, you look every bit as spicy as the last time I saw you.

Quinn: Great, and you are again?

Gary: Oh-ho-ho! How I've missed your razor-sharp wit.

Quinn: No, seriously, I have no idea who you are.

Gary: Really?

Quinn: You resemble no one I know, so, yeah, really.

Gary: Seriously?

Quinn: Seriously.

Gary: Oh, dear Lord, you're suffering from amnesia!

Quinn: I'm suffering from an emergency that's going to destroy Earth.

Gary: [laughs] Quinn, you really expect me to believe you don't know who I am? Hold on. I know how to fix this. This is the real raw Gary.

Quinn: [laughs] That didn't fix it, whoever you are.

Gary: What a dagger to the heart. I'm the guy who, for the past five years, has been sending daily documentaries to the woman who has no idea who I am!

Quinn: Wow, that sucks. I never got any of them. Now, if you could just show me where the bridge is It's all good.

Gary: Life, you know? [walks away]

Quinn: Hmm, cute guy, but issues, definite issues.

[Gary rewinds to his flashback as a kid]

John: How's my boy doing?

Kid Gary: Great.

Gary: Dad? [puts his hand on his dad] That's unsettling.

Woman: The new Imperium T-3 Cruiser will bridge us to the next galaxy, and the countdown has begun.

John: Hey, you want to watch the launch outside?

Kid Gary: You bet! [hops on his dad]

Gary: Dad!

John: Keep your eyes open. It'll be taking off right over there.

Kid Gary: One day, I'm gonna do that.

John: You are, huh?

Kid Gary: Yeah, I'm gonna have a whole bunch of adventures.

John: A whole bunch?

Kid Gary: Bunches and bunches.

Gary: Why are you showing this to me? Answer me, you drug-dealer caterpillar! [time files] I remember this.

[kid Gary is sitting at his treehouse and his father comes]

John: Son.

Kid Gary: I could come with you.

John: There's nothing more in the world that I would want, but not this time, little buddy. I have to do this one alone. You won't understand, but know that I'm doing this for you. Can you make me a promise?

Kid Gary: Yeah.

John: Promise me you'll have your own adventures.

Kid Gary: I will.

John: Bunches and bunches. Here, this fellow will look after you while I'm gone. [gives his pet to him]

Kid Gary: What's his name?

John: Mooncake.

Chapter Five [1.05]

Quinn: Avocato and I will scout on foot. The rest of you stay back and repair the ship. Come on, Avocato, let's go.

Gary: [tries to catch up] What?! If I could pour a tall glass of truth-juice for you real quick, Quinn, I am not feeling the trust.

Quinn: I only trust three people in this world my dog, my sister, and every single member of the Infinity Guard.

Gary: You're insane, my lady. The Infinity Guard tried to kidnap you. And they tried to take over the Galaxy One. And dogs aren't even people.

Quinn: I have no reason to trust any of you, so I'm going with the guy literally covered in guns. [she and Avocato leave]

Avocato: Let me give you some advice, buddy.

Gary: Yes.

Avocato: If you want Quinn to trust you, you gotta step up and show her you can lead. Make direct eye contact, then don't let go until you kiss her soul with your eyelashes. Like this. [swipes eyes] Too much, or just enough?

Gary: Oh, my wow. Oh, my wow! It's glorious!

Avocato: Yeah. So you got it?

Gary: I got it. It's done. Done and done.

Chapter Six [1.06]

Avocato: Are you sure to do this? There's a 99% chance that this is a trap.

Gary: Traps are just open casting calls for heroes. Plus, you already tied up Quinn, so there's no real rebound after that.

Avocato: You're a good friend.

Gary: I would've gone with great. But whatever. I'll take good.

Avocato: What is happening

Gary: I think we're about to hug.

Avocato: Should we?

Gary: The siren's call is beckoning us to embrace. We shan't ignore her. [he hugs Avocato] Hell, yeah.

Avocato: Thanks, bud. Needed that.

Gary: Let's get your boy back.

Mooncake: [comes in and laughs] Chookity!

Gary: Mooncake, we're gonna need rich sacks of back up. We're goin' down to the Lord Commander's prison colony. It's dangerous! It's life-threatening! We're probably gonna die. I You got my back, little buddy?

Mooncake: Chookity!

Gary: I didn't really sell that very well, did I? Crap! So no back up. Just two hombres with a dream, let's do this.

[before Avocato's death]

Avocato: As excited as I am about today, I'm even more excited for tomorrow.

Little Cato: Yeah.

Avocato: [gasps] No!

Gary: No.

Avocato: Take care of my boy.

Little Cato: No! D-Dad!

[the area explodes and Avocato's dies]

Chapter Seven [1.07]

Gary: Avocato? It's been three days since you died. I have to say I'm I'm struggling here, man. You said to look after your boy, and I can barely look after myself. I really think you picked the wrong guy. Granted, there wasn't a big pool to pick from, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss you, friend. What do you think I should do? I mean, I-I I need a sign, man. You know, maybe rattle some glasses if I should give him some space or flicker the lights. You know, just a little flicker if I should try harder. Any ghost-related stuff at all would be great. Or nothing. Nothing works, too.

Little Cato: Can you get me to the Lord Commander?

Gary: Ok....possibly, what do you wanna do?

Little Cato: I wanna slit his throat and splash in his life juice!

Chapter Eight [1.08]

[Gary goes inside a room]

Bolo: Come forth, Gary.

Gary: Oh, my gosh. Okay, okay. This is new.

Bolo: In order to face what's ahead, you need to face what's inside of you.

Gary: Oh, look! - There's a Construction Hat Gary.

Construction Hat Gary: Hey!

Gary: There's an Eagle-Faced Gary.

Eagle-Faced Gary: Hi!

Gary: Cookie-Headed Gary.

Cookie-Headed Gary: What's up?

Gary: Oh, my gosh! Little Micro Gary.

Little Micro Gary: Hey!

Gary: Who's that?

Bolo: That's the Amazing Mustache Gary.

Amazing Mustache Gary: Gary, you're never gonna be able to grow one of these. A thick, rich, luscious mustache. Oh, it feels so gooooood!

John: Son. Grab the plasma torch.

[Gary grabs the plasma torch from the shelf as his dad enters the room]

Gary: What are you doing? Dad! Dad, don't do this without me!

John: [inside a room] Son, you have your own time to worry about.

Gary: Dad! This, this was my idea.

John: Yeah, but it's my responsibility. There's another anti-matter bomb in New York. The one on Earth. Use it to close this breach in your time. You know, I had only one regret when I left. Thought I was never gonna get the chance to see the man you would've grown up to be. Well, now I know he's better than I would've ever hoped.

Gary: Please don't Stop. Please. Stop. Stop. Stop! Stop! No! Please no! Stop! I'm not gonna let you die. Not again. I'm gonna come get you!

John: Make me a promise, son. Save the Earth. Nah, you're right. "Universe" sounds much cooler.

Gary: What if I can't do it?

John: Try your best.

Gary: What if my best isn't good enough?

John: It's good enough for me.

[his dad starts flying and opens the torch as the area starts to explode]

Gary: NO!

Chapter Nine [1.09]

KVN: We're best friends now. Guys, do you hear this? - We're best friends now. [comes over to Gary]

Gary: We're not even friends.

KVN: Right. We're best friends.

[before the battle]

Lord Commander: This could have been so easy. But time and time again, you chose the harder path. The darker path. It's time for you to see that your choices have consequences. I will give you one last chance to hand over Mooncake.

Mooncake: Chookity.

Little Cato: Hell. No. He is one of us.

Tribore: I don't really know him. But he seems very popular.

Quinn: He stays with us.

Gary: Never.

Lord Commander: Then death it is!

Little Cato: I'm coming for you.

Lord Commander: Ah, yes, I've seen that face before. The face of loss.

Little Cato: We have the Anti-Matter bomb! We will close the breach, you will die!

Lord Commander: [laughs] I look forward to it.

H.U.E.: I'm detecting the approach of an armada of heavy incinerators.

Little Cato: Everyone's gonna die.

Gary: You aren't wrong. They're all going to die. If he wants a war, he's got one. Let's do this.

Chapter Ten [1.10]

HUE: KVN, if you don't get on the outside turret, I will beat you within one inch of your life.

KVN: Guys, I'm the most expendable! Congratulations to me!

[Gary is shooting HIVE robots on the Galaxy 1 bridge]

KVN: Hey, Gary?

Gary: What is it, KVN?

[KVN floats by a window, heavily damanged]

KVN: It's been fun, right?

Gary: Oh! KVN! [runs to the window]

KVN: I guess? Hey! [KVN's voice begins fading] I had fun... [KVN shuts down]

[Gary begins tearing up]

Gary: It's so beautiful.

Quinn: What are you doing?

Gary: Finishing the job. Except I'm the one taking it to the breach. It's my mission. Too bad. It's my destiny. [walks away]

Quinn: Why are you fighting me?

Gary: Because I can take anything, except losing you! Oh, God, why, Quinn?! Why are we in this situation?!

Quinn: From the moment I discovered the gravitational disturbance, I knew this was my life's work. If you really have feelings for me - let me see this through to the end.

Gary: I am genuinely perplexed here! 'Cause I'm I'm trying to stop you from dying.

Quinn: Please.

Gary: Then, Quinn Ergon, I will use every last breath to make sure you succeed. That's a real, raw promise. [he and Quinn kiss] Hell, yeah! More of that when you come back.

Quinn: Don't die on me.

Gary: Funny, I thought I was gonna be the hero - but it's you.

Quinn: No, it's both of us. Always has been.[she leaves]

[after the Earth disappears]

Quinn: Gary?

Gary: Quinn.

Quinn: I'm sorry.

Gary: For what?

Quinn: Not telling you sooner.

Gary: You can tell me when you come back.

Quinn: Gary.

Gary: No, don't. Don't say it.

Quinn: I'm not coming back.

Gary: Quinn.

Quinn: We've lost the Earth, but I can still save you. Goodbye, Gary. I'll miss you.

[the area explodes in light, consuming Quinn as she's sucked into Final Space]

Gary: QUINN!

The Torra Regata [2.01]

Gary: Sounds manageable. We fly the ship, we get our freedom, we get the hell out of here. Then we find Mooncake.

Little Cato: It doesn't, like, sound too good to be true or anything, right?

Gary: Little Cato? Sometimes, if you're lucky, life takes the crap in your hand, and hands you two slices of bread, and turns that crap into a crap luck sandwich.

Little Cato: You know, but the crap sandwich is, you know, still... made out of crap.

Gary: Yeah. But there's a little bit of luck in there, too. And we're going to need it.

Gary: Who's getting the cube from the Starchaser?

Clarence: [points gun at him] You are! You don't think I'm going to risk my life and my children's when I have disposable you here, do you?

Little Cato: What?!

Fox: Back off, Ventrexian! Unless you want another thousand year war?!

Little Cato: You back off, Tryvuulian! [hisses]

Fox: No, you back off, Ventrexian!

Ash: Don't hurt him! I kind of like him! ... I mean, what?

Invictus: [to the Lord Commander's corpse] Our work isn't done yet, child... It has only begun.

Gary: I'm gonna break a Titan out of interdimensional prison. Sticking around?

Nightfall: Wouldn't miss it.

Clarence: Out of my seat, primate!

Gary: Yo. My ship, my seat.

Clarence: Then you leave me no choice...

[Cut to Clarence sitting in Gary's lap]

Gary: Ow. Clarence, why is there a pack of Smarties...? [disgusted] Oh! Oh, Clarence!

Clarence: It's still my Money Compass. I'm just excited to be at the controls! Grabbing life by its succulent...!

Gary: OH, CLARENCE, WILL YOU GET THE HELL OFF ME?!

The Happy Place [2.02]

[During the urinating contest]

Ash: In the place of a Dark Lord, you will have a QUEEN!

Nightfall: It's a big ship. Could be Raiders. Could be the Burner Tribe.

Gary: Oh, Raiders? Ooh, yeah. Okay, Burner Tribe? Could have been a little bit of Burner Tribe...

Nightfall: Let's just hope it's not the Chomper Club.

Gary: The Chomper Club?

Nightfall: Or half of us will be killed, skinned, and eaten alive.

Gary: Skinned and eaten alive, that's the whole... the whole gamut there, okay. Well, you got a real sunny disposition.

Nightfall: I have a partly cloudy disposition with a high in the mid-60s.

KVN: Ooh, that sounds like a perfect day.

Ash: This one's coming with me.

Little Cato: I'm not a pet!

Ash: Says you. I like you because you're all fluffy.

KVN: I think he's fluffy too! Hooray!

Tribore: If he's caught in one of these things, he only has until his "happy" runs out.

Fox: Incoming question: how did you survive this long?

Tribore: I'm a very jovial person.

The Grand Surrender [2.03]

[During a flashback of Ash seeing her sister Harp being sacrificed to Werthrent]

Ash: [narrating] They made me watch. Something became unleashed inside of me...

Gary: Oh, your thingy-thing?

Ash: [annoyed] Yes, dude, my "thingy-thing".

[In the flashback, Ash angrily releases a wave of dark energy, accidentally killing her parents]

Gary: Oh, wow. Okay, so you killed your parents?

Ash: [sarcastic] Yeah, and that makes me a bad person, right? Oh, look at me, I'm a parent killer! Watch out!

Gary: Uh, oh, sorry, my bad. I didn't mean parent killer in a judgmental way--

Ash: Oh, so when you said "parent killer", you meant "Great job, Ash!" How is that not judgmental?!

Ash: Werthrent! Show yourself! But you won't, because all you are is fear and hatred and weakness!

[Flames surround the crew and Werthrent appears]

Little Cato: Oh my God, that's a huge snake!

Tribore: I've seen bigger.

Ash: You ate my sister! Give her back or I will flay you!

Werthrent: But she serves me so well...

Ash: Give her back!

Werthrent: But why, when I can have you both?

Gary: Hey! Listen! Hey, pal! Hey! Will you look at me?!

[Werthrent hisses at him]

Gary: [nervously] All right, okay, uh... if you eat her, you gotta eat the rest of us, because we're a combo pack!

Clarence: A "combo pack"?

Little Cato: A combo pack!

Gary: Like the fries! We're the fries.

Mooncake: Chookity pok.

Gary: You want to be the dipping sauce?

Tribore: I've been told I would make a great dipping sauce. By whom? None of your business.

Little Cato: I'm a onion ring!

KVN: And I can be a napkin! Hooray!

Gary: Oh, geez, all right, great, okay, now it's the combo pack from hell, but okay, Werthrent, are you in or are you out?!

Werthrent: In!

Little Cato: What's the plan?

Gary: I didn't think that far ahead! That's not good at all!

The Other Side [2.04]

The Notorious Mrs. Goodspeed [2.05]

KVN: And then what happened? I could listen to you almost die forever!

Sheryl: What happened was me thinking "This is gonna be a cakewalk", but just my luck, a drop of Yidrian venom gets on my shirt, and boom! Off come my clothes. Just disintegrated!

Nightfall: Ugh, give me a break.

Sheryl: And there's Parliament watching me try to escape the castle, butt-bloody-naked! Best birthday ever.

Gary: So you're leaving. Again.

Sheryl: I think we both knew this was never meant to be forever. Right?

Gary: Can I ask you one thing? Why don't you want anything to do with me?

Sheryl: Truth? The day I lost your dad, my heart shattered. Whatever was left was too small to love anything anymore.

Gary: Yeah. See, I would have taken even a tiny piece - just one piece.

Sheryl: Yeah. Maybe in another life, eh? But not this one. I'll see you around, kiddo.

The Arachnitects [2.06]

Clarence: Unlocker of worlds! Consumer of realms! -And world's worst niece!

Invictus: YOU CANNOT HOLD ME… I'M COMING…

Invictus: Do you think that because I can't be seen... I'm gone?

The First Times They Met [2.07]

Clarence: It's like I'm literally burning money!

Ash: Eat flames, you dipwads! Bathe in my punishing fire!

The Remembered [2.08]

[Gary shoots the Lord Commander with a blaster]

Gary: You took so much from me.

Lord Commander: And you, me.

Gary: We lost Avocato from that bomb you sent.

Lord Commander: Did you now? [laughs] Lovely.

[Gary shoots the Lord Commander again in the leg]

Lord Commander: AGH! Will you quit shooting me!?

Gary: But, we were able to go back in time and fix a few things. And, we motherlovin' saved him.

Lord Commander: Avocato is an unstable compound. With the right push, you'll see what he's really made of.

Gary: That's great. But it's time to kill you. And everything that has come to pass doesn't happen. Quinn, the Earth... everything.

[Suddenly, the Lord Commander is pulled up by his ship. Gary starts shooting, but keeps missing.]

Gary: NO! NO! NO! NO!

The Closer You Get [2.09]

Gary: How do we get Avocato to recover his memory?

Ash: On my planet, if you forgot something, they'd tie you up and beat you with pain-sticks until you remembered! And you did. You always did.

Invictus: They don't care about you. They're dragging you down.

Avocato: You're not Gary, are you?

Invictus: Aw, what gave it away?

Invictus: Your vessel is stronger than this one. I'll take you instead!

Invictus: (In Avocato's mind) He stole your son away from you, turned him against you. Kill him. Kill him!

Invictus: (In Avocato's mind) LIES! ALL LIES! KILL HIM!

The Lost Spy [2.10]

Clarence: Rats! You were so close! So close to death! NO!

Gary: What are you doing with all my stuff?!

Clarence: Dividing it up. So rude of you to survive like this!

Ash: I was going to take your big thumper, Gary.

Gary: You don't say?

Ash: [putting a hand over his heart] And put it with the rest of my collection. Don't worry, you're the only heart. The rest are spleens.

Gary: [pushes her away nervously] I'm... honored?

The Set Up [2.11]

Clarence: Well, this is ridiculous! Carnivolo is a holiday I invented for my own glorification! And you're bringing me diet juice drinks, a cheapo homemade greeting card, and now we're getting stingy on the lavishment?!

Ash: It's not about what they brought, Dad. They're... family.

Gary: They are-- We are?

Fox: Yeah! Why don't you lavish some praises, Pop-Pop? Dump a hot steamin' load of lavish all over Gary's face!

Gary: [uncomfortably] No. That doesn't sound... no.

The Descent Into Darkness [2.12]

Little Cato: Hey, Ash, you coming? We're going after the keys.

Ash: I need to watch my brother. He's all the family I have left. You know the saying. "If you love someone, throw them in a well, and if they drown, they were never yours to begin with."

Little Cato: Nope, 'cause that's not a saying.

Sheryl: [impaled through the shoulder] Ugh, you little bastard!

Gary: Yep, it's me. It's the little bastard. And you're my mom. Let that sink in for a second. Have you got it? All right? Parent-teacher conferences? Baking cookies? Not crazed rampages on your boy!

Sheryl: You caught me on an off-day.

Gary: An "off-day"? I've never seen an on-day! I'm done being the excuse for all your mistakes! Things went the way they did with Dad because of you! You did that! And you're gonna have to live with it! [jumping] Yes! I've always wanted to say that. That is... gah! All right, let's, uh...

[He looks back at Sheryl, who has tears in her eyes, and after a moment of consideration, starts tugging on the blade in her shoulder]

Gary: Oh, that is in there...

Nightfall: What are you doing, Gary?

Gary: We'll take her back to the ship. [finally pulls it out]

Nightfall: Why?

Gary: Because... she's my mom.

Nightfall: And?

Gary: I'm gonna let you knock her out.

Nightfall: Thanks.

The Sixth Key [2.13]

Gary: Oh, I don't know how we're going to get out of this.

Sheryl: Oh, jeez, if only you had the best pilot in the universe. Oh, wait, you do. Sorry I'm late, love. By about, what? 30 years?

Gary: 32 years, but hey, who's counting?

Tribore: You are, obviously.