Episode 1 - Pee Strike

Mitzi: You want a allowance? You wasted it on kiddy crap like training cards, video games, & crystal meth.

Episode 3 - Safe as a Dry Hump

Mitzi (To Hima as she chases her to reclaim her Sky Mall magazine): You know, if we were in China, you'd be in a dumpster right now.

Episode 6 - Gum is Good Food to Eat

Hiro (To himself as he arrives home): Chin up, Hiro. It's obligatory sex night.

Hiro: Alright, kids. Time for your bath.
Shin: Dad, at 8 O'clock tonight there's a new show on; Who Want's to Blow up an Aardvark.
Hiro: And they'll show it all?
Shin: Live, on air and in 3D.
Hiro: Do we have the glasses?
Shin: Got 'em this morning.
(Both burst into maniacal laughter)
Hiro: Bathe fast.

[Shin has arrived late to meet with his friends]
Penny: Because of you we don't have time to play house.
Bo: I was gonna be a table.

Episode 7 - A Mutha Fucking Bunny!

Hiro: Tape fixes everything, except condoms. Right Hima?

Episode 13 - Swimming, Diving Scuba Team

Mitzi: Georgie forgot his backapck. But that's so unlike him, isn't it?
Shin: Uh-huh. He was acting kinda strange. And not just Georgie strange like talk about politics stuff no five year old should know.
Mitzi: Should I call his Mom and tell her to search his room for drugs or L. Ron Hubbard novels?

Episode 19 - The Herpes Effect

[Shin has placed his fathers watch in the toaster.]
Shin: You guys have been having so much trouble finding stuff since we moved I thought if I got your watch hot enough before you put it on you'd never have to worry about loosing it again 'cuz it'd melt into your skin and become part of you.
Hiro (juggling hot watch between his hands): Well, other than the terrible pain and disfigurement, that's very thoughtful of you, Shin.
Shin: I'm a pretty great person.

Episode 30 - Miscarriage Return Policy

[The kids are talking about Miss Anderson's pregnancy.]
Masao: I'll bet she was glowing.
Shin: She's pregnant, not radioactive.

Episode 42 - Admission Impossible

Shin: Ass dance is both science and art.

Episode ## - #####

Shin and Hiro: To be a man you must have honor! Honor and a penis!