Gone Fishin' (Sort of) / Beans Are from Mars [1.01]

Lazlo: I'm sorry we sunk your fancy boat, and mistook you for a lake monster, but you gotta understand. We were just trying to help you catch a fish.

Lumpus: Help me? Help me?! You really want to help me?

Lazlo, Raj, and Clam: Yes.

Lumpus: Help me catch a fish?

Lazlo, Raj, and Clam: Yes.

Lumpus: The only way you three bozos can help me catch a fish is to get as far away from me as possible and not help me at all!!

Lazlo: Scoutmaster Lumpus, [opens the monster’s mouth] do you need our help? because you asked us not to help.

Lumpus: [sarcastically] Oh, no. I’m just getting eaten by a ferocious lake monster. Don’t worry about me. What makes you think I need your...

Lazlo: Okay! [closes the monster's mouth]

Lumpus: Lazlo!

[Lazlo opens the monster’s mouth again]

Lazlo: Yes?

Lumpus: Eh, I do need your help. And look, I caught a fish!

Lazlo: Wow! Hey! Look you guys, a fish! We caught a fish!

Patsy: [crying] I never thought my Lazlo could be... an alien!

[The masked Squirrel scouts have just tied up the Jelly beans]

Raj: Who-who are you?

Clam: Wh-what d'ya want?

Lazlo: [sniffs] And why do you smell so nice?

[Patsy giggles]

Gretchen: Shut your traps!

Lazlo: The patient's eyes are googly again!

Lazlo: It's so cold, I can see my breath! [breathing out snowflakes] Hey, what's wrong with Clam?

[Clam is getting a brain freeze]

Raj: [laughs] He has what we call the "brain freeze." [gets a brain freeze with His face except for his nose imploding inside his head]

Lazlo: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Brain freeze! [gets a brain freeze and making funny faces, as the Squirrel Scouts laughed at them outside the cabin]

Gretchen: Be careful!

Nina: Your faces could stick that way.

Patsy: Especially since you just ate 16 gallons of frozen glue.

Nina: And, uh, [her glasses slip] everyone knows that aliens don't eat ice cream. [re-adjusts her glasses]

Lazlo: Oh, yeah? Let's recharge!

Snake Eyes / Racing Slicks [1.02]

Patsy: But I knew kung-fu! [jumps around making karate noises] And ninjitsu! [jumps around making more karate noises] And bok choy! [stands triumphantly]

Lazlo, Raj and Clam: Ooo! Bok choy!

Raj: She's quite the charmer. She has got ferocious nostrils.

Patsy: I happened to be an expert on snakes. I am a mongoose!

Raj: Wow, that's one angry caribou!

Lazlo: But you said you beat up a snake with it's own brass knuckles!

Patsy: What part of "I lied" don't you understand?

Lazlo: [right after Edward, Dave and Ping-Pong scream] What was that?

Raj: I don't even know, but it reminded me of a movie about a melon that ate farmers.

[Talking about Skip]

Patsy: That's funny. Where did he go?

Raj: Great holly! They're dropping like flies!

Edward: If you two are finished yapping, I'd like to have my sandwich now.

Ping-Pong: Sure thing. Edward ordered the salami sandwich; hold the mayo. Dave ordered the ham and pea soup; hold the ham and peas. And I ordered the snake. I ordered the snake?

Edward, Dave and Ping-Pong: THE SNAKE!! [screams]

[The Lemmings are hiding behind a tree]

Campers: ♪ Go-cart races sing this song, do-da, do-da. ♪

♪ Go-cart races sing this song, oh-doo-da-day. ♪

Raj: ♪ Oh-a-do-da-day. ♪

Lazlo: ♪ Oh-a-do-da-day. ♪

Clam: ♪ Da-day. ♪

Campers: ♪ Go-cart races sing this song, oh-do-da... ♪

Lumpus: Will you can it with the singing?!

Slinkman: Sir, they're just excited about building their own go-carts for the big annual race.

Lights Out / Swimming Buddy [1.03]

Slinkman: As shadow puppet Lumpus: Grumble, grumble, I'm very annoyed. Slinkman! Slinkman! As shadow puppet Slinkman: Reporting for duty, sir. As shadow puppet Lumpus: I thought I told you to order the Jelly Beans lights out! As shadow puppet Slinkman: I did sir, but they were scheduled for a shadow puppet show tonight. As shadow puppet Lumpus: [clears throat]

Lumpus: [walks into Jelly Bean Cabin] Slinkman! Slinkman!

Slinkman: Reporting for duty, sir.

Lumpus: I thought I told you to order the Jelly Beans lights out!

Slinkman: I did sir, but they were scheduled for a shadow puppet show tonight.

Lumpus: [clears throat]

Raj: [staring down the pool] It looks like a peanut!

Almondine: I haven't taken my log for a walk in a long time.

Lazlo: Now, just take this wet sponge...

Raj: [gasps then screams]

Lazlo: Thimble of water...

Raj: [screams]

Lazlo: Drop?

Raj: [screams]

Lazlo: Molecule?

Raj: Ahhh... Wait! Which type of molecule?

Lazlo: Uh, water.

Raj: [screams]

Lazlo: Now then, repeat after me: You are one with the lake!

Raj: I am one with the lake! I am stuck, like a salamander.

Parasitic Pal / It's No Picnic [1.04]

Lumpus: Attention, campers! Attention, campers! Five minutes until the start of the big... Buddy Day... swim finale. So, grab your... buddy and have a... good race! Yeah.

Lazlo: [delirious due to large amounts of blood being sucked from him by the leech] Oygawoygasoyoocha... gotta get to the lake... big RACE!!!

Lumpus: Slinkman, who is that scout?

Slinkman: Uh... Lazlo, Sir.

Lumpus: No, no, no... the fat one!

Slinkman: Uh... that's a leech, Sir. A sea lamprey, actually.

Lumpus: Oh... a sea lamprey? Well, see that Mr. Lamprey gets a uniform, will you?

Slinkman: Yes, Sir.

Lazlo: "Lamar wasn't a Lamar, he was a Lauren!"

Lazlo: Okay guys! Time for dinner!

[Baby leeches start sucking on Clam]

Lazlo: Wow! What an appetite! You'll be on solid food in no time.

Patsy: Did you do something to your hair, Lazlo?

Raj: Look! Lazlo's still sitting!

Dave: Just like Napoleon!

Skip: I can't see a gosh darn thing out of these goggles, can you see anything, Chip?

Edward: Do you imbeciles really need to be wearing your goggles before you get in the water?

Chip: I don't know, but I have my floooaties!

Gretchen: What are you doing here? Well?

Raj: "Well?" what?

The Weakest Link / Lumpy Treasure [1.05]

Raj: What are we going to do? I inflamed the map... [sobs hysterically] We will never find the rock! Never find water!... I'm already dizzy from dehydration.

Lumpus: [nervously to Commander Hoo-Hah] But my campers are right here... [points to a bunch of rag dolls with hats sitting on a log]

Ping Pong: Who knew that bear would be attracted to the meat flavored lip balm in my pocket?

Dave: I wish we had that lip balm for breakfast.

Samson: That way!

Edward: That way!

[The night falls as Samson and Edward continue arguing about which way back to camp]

Samson: That way!

Edward: That way!

Samson: That way.

Edward: That way. [He looks at his finger] You're probably right. It was that way.

Raj: Oh this is nice you guys are very civilized.

Clam: Like hot tub like hot tub

Big Hairy Mountain Man: Do you like Big Hairy Mountain Man massage?

Timmy and Tommy: "My treasure! What, my treasure?" [strangles each other]

Dosey Doe / Prodigious Clamus [1.07]

Clam: Painting done! [shows it to scoutmaster Lumpus]

Lumpus: Oh, yes. Very nice. [mumbles] Worst thing I've ever seen [gives painting back to Clam as Lumpus walks away] When am I going to find my genius, Slinkman?

Clam: [turns over painting to reveal the Mona Lisa] Uhhh...! painting done?

[After learning that one in 14 scouts is a genius and that there are 14 scouts in the camp]

Lumpus: That's it!

Slinkman: What's it?

Lumpus: This is my ticket outta here! I can finally say good bye to Camp Kidney... [changes the map of Camp Kidney to a world map] And hello to the world! All I have to do is find that one genius. I wonder who it is?

[Lumpus watches Clam outside from a window]

Clam: Apples!

[Clam bangs his head against the tree]

Lumpus: Well, we know who it's not.

Patsy: And just where do you think your going huh? You wouldn't want to miss the fireworks...

Raj: What do you know about love, Lazlo?

Lazlo: Nothing!

Lazlo: Ohh, Raj. I'm glad Clam is getting some recognition...

Raj: I recognize him. He is the short one with the big nose.

[Clam puts puzzle pieces into his mouth, chews it, and spits it out]

Clam: Puzzle done! Back in box.

Lumpus: Oh Slinkman, you're back. [apologizing Slinkman for throwing him out of the window] I'm sorry for kicking you out the window.

Prickly Pining Dining / Camp Kidney Stinks [1.10]

Samson: Merp. I miss Camp Kidney. Merp. I miss the other scouts. Why? Why? Why are my eyes burning up?!

Slinkman: Is everything okay, sir?

Lumpus: Yeah, we're good. [pushes the scouts to the exit] Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Slinkman: But, sir, you're forgetting...

Tarson: You call that a tip?!

[Tarson revs a chainsaw and saw the table he stands on]

Lazlo: Did you hear that? The soap dispensers makes a silly sound. It's a good thing we're behaving, or I'd be tempted to make it again!

Clam: Press it again.

Slugfest / Beans & Weenies [1.11]

Lazlo: Well, how did it go?

Edward: Did you chicken out?

Slinkman: I cant go to Slugfest. I'm just too busy.

Edward: He chickened out.

Slinkman: Lazlo, I am not going anywhere.

[while Clam serves the campers mustard]

Edward: You'd expect me to eat a plate of plain mustard?

Clam: It has zing.

Edward: Here's your zing.

[The campers throw their plates of mustard at Clam]

Lazlo: [to the campers who want hot dogs] Well, we really appreciate it. But we have something more important to deal with right now: friendship.

Campers: Awww!

Edward: Yeah, but we can't eat friendship.

Raj: Who would of thought that my buns could cause such excitement.

Lazlo: You have very nice buns, Raj.

Raj: What are we made out of?

Clam: Stuff.

Raj: Stuff? What kind of stuff?

Clam: Stuff stuff.

Raj: Hot dogs do not even need mustard! It is disgusting!

Clam: Buns are disgusting!! And boring!!!

Raj: You think buns are BORING!?!?! I will show you boring!

Raj: Does anyone even know what hot dogs are made of anyway?!

Chip: I'm suddenly feeling like pizza, what about you?

Lazlo: Hey, Clam. Are you hiding out here, too?

Clam: No, I was eating garbage.

Beans & Pranks / Movie Night [1.12]

Lumpus: I was once a bean scout too, you know.

Lazlo: Really?! [imagines a young Scoutmaster Lumpus]

Young Lumpus: That's "Loompus!" [kicks his scoutmaster in the shin]

Lazlo: Cute!

Lumpus: Pass the marshmallows please, Alvin.

Edward: Edward.

Commander Hoo-Ha: Lumpus, for not following the rules, no more milky wilky for you... ever!

Slinkman: Sir, we have a little problem.

Lumpus: Yeah, I know! Who let a monkey in the projector room?

Lazlo: Hey, Edward! How was your movie night?

Edward: [mimicking Lazlo] "How was your movie night"? How was my movie night?! I'll tell you how it was! Can I tell you how I loathed it? How I would have preferred sitting in a cow's stomach, watching grass being digested?!?

Lazlo: Okay, maybe later!

[Raj uses a "happy buzzer" on himself instead on someone else]

Raj: This is marvellous! I'm like a hiccupping jumping bean!

The Big Cheese / Campers All Pull Pants [1.13]

[Lumpus is asking Slinkman what each of the campers were sent]

Lumpus: What about the Dung Beetles? What did they get?

[We see Chip and Skip eyeing something on the ground]

Slinkman: Ugh, [quivers] ...you don't want to know, sir.

Lazlo: But Scout Master Lumpus, we're supposed to have fun!

[Lumpus screams; Edward stares at him and says nothing]

Raj: Scout Master Lumpus, have you seen... [screams] My Cheese Wheel!

Raj: So, you can just eat those spiny things and nothing will happen to you?

Lumpus: Well, I'll bloat a little... [bloats up like a balloon] ...after that you don't want to know what happens.

Lazlo: Don't forget to excuse me from pantsing.

Nurse Leslie: What? You can't get excuse from that. It's a camp thing.

Edward: Hello, Lazlo.

Lazlo: Oh, hi, Edward.

Edward: You hiding from me?

Lazlo: Yeah, I just thought I could lay low here for a while until it flew ooooooo... Edward! [looks at map] Edward, what are you doing here?

Edward: I live here, you idiot. You know, [uses shrub buddy voice] shrub buddy.

Edward: [after stopping Lazlo from running and uses a shrub as a disguise] Hey, Lazlo.

Lazlo: What? Who's there?

Edward: It's me, the shrub, your buddy.

Lazlo: My shrub buddy?

Edward: Yeah, that's it, shrub buddy. I hear you have some worries about getting pantsed.

Lazlo: Uh, yeah?

Edward: Yeah, well, I thought so. I'm willing to help you out.

Lazlo: You're a shrub.

Edward: Yeah, I know. Your shrub buddy. [reveals a map] Here, check this out. This is a map to a secret hideaway where you can lay low for a couple of days. But I'm not even sure I'm gonna give it to you.

Lazlo: Oh, please, can I have it? Oh, please! Oh, please!

Edward: Well, okay, but don't tell anybody.

Lazlo: Shrub buddy, you're the best buddy in the whole world.

Edward: Yeah, yeah, sure, Lazlo.

Raj: [surprised when seeing Chip and Skip pantsed] Goodness gracious ...

Edward: [surprises Raj in order to get him pantsed] Whoops! Ok, [gets a checklist of his victims who are pantsed] let's see now. Raj, Chuck, Samson, Mort, Clam, Bill, Chip, Skip, Dave and Ping-Pong, Gordon, Fred, Norman, Milt. That leaves ... Lazlo. [to the scouts] Alright, Beans, listen up, tell Lazlo his pants are as good as mine.

Parent's Day / Club Kidney-Ki [2.03]

Lumpus: You want me to blow your mind?! Because I'll blow your mind! I LIED!!!!!

Lumpus: I love you Raj!

Raj: Yeah Yeah ditto. Let's just do this.

Lumpus: I despise you, Lazlo.

Lazlo: I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Lumpus: I despise you, Lazlo!

Lazlo: I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Lumpus: I DESPISE YOU, LAZLO!

Lazlo: I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Handy Helper / Love Sick [2.04]

Lumpus: What badge am I missing?

Slinkman: The Handy Helper badge.

Lumpus: And that means to earn that badge, I'll have to ...

Slinkman: Help someone.

Lumpus: Help someone?! [screams] NOOOOO!

Slinkman: What are you doing, sir?

Lumpus: I'm simply too valuable to waste away at this miserable excuse for a camp. The real world needs someone with my can-do spirit, my intellect.

Slinkman: But, sir, why leave when you could just stay, earn your badge, and be done with it?

Lumpus: Because the man know the real world doesn't need badges or Grand Legume, Slinkman.

Lumpus: Goodbye, Camp Kidney, you old pile of logs. Real world, here I... [run over by a truck]

Slinkman: Sir!

Lumpus: Just one of the hazards of the real world, Slinkman. Here, a man must pick himself up and ... [run over by an ice cream truck]

Slinkman: Sir, it wouldn't be easier to just earn the badge?

Lumpus: Easier? Yes, Slinkman, but not a man in the real world would do. (run over by a car)

Slinkman: Yes, but I wonder if you were cut out for the real world, sir.

Lumpus: Cut out for it? Why, tailor made is more like... [runs over by a moped] Ow! That one actually hurt a little.

Slinkman: Please, reconsider, sir. But... [looks back as Lumpus was run over by objects from the "real world"]

Lumpus: Slinkman.

Slinkman: Sir?

Lumpus: Okay, who I gotta help?

[Raj has prepared a special tea for Clam]

Raj: Careful, Lazlo.

Lazlo: [spills some tea] Oops.

Raj: Don't spill it!

[The tea eats a hole on the floor]

Lazlo: Wow! It's like magma from the Earth's core.

Raj: More powerful than that. You must be quite mindful.

Lazlo: Love sickness, love sickness, fly away home. Love sickness, love sickness, leave Clam alone.

Hello Dolly / Over Cooked Beans [2.05]

Edward: Oh, and Lazlo?

Lazlo: Yes, Edward?

Edward: Than...clean up this mess, you loser!

Raj: I'll take care of the marshmallows if you take care of the of the pickles.

Clam: Toothpicks! [opens mouth and shows toothpicks in his mouth]

Edward: [seeing that Veronica was gone] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Edward's scream was heard in the camp, including The Jelly Beans staring at a pinecone]

Lazlo: YEEEEESSSS!!!

[A square-shaped object appears from the sky]

Lazlo: Do you see what I see?

Raj: A giant drop of rain fallen straight for us!

Clam: Splash!

Raj: The scoutmaster has granted our... [as the object falls closer and closer] ...that's NO RAINDROP!!

Lazlo, Raj and Clam: LOOK OUT!!

[Lazlo, Raj, and Clam looked, it was an air conditioner landed on a pile of laundry bags]

Edward: Hey, when did those Jelly Cabin dweebs get an air conditioner? I'm the hottest camper in camp!

The Battle of Pimpleback Mountain / Dead Bean Drop [2.06]

Lazlo: Scoutmaster Lumpus, I think I broke my leg!

Lumpus: We'll cut it off later!

Raj: Scoutmaster Lumpus, I need some advice.

Lumpus: Here's some advice, cut the funny accent.

[Scoutmaster Lumpus and the Bean Scouts gather in the forest]

Lumpus: Today, we take part in the time-honored tradition of placing relics of today into time capsules to be opened by future generations of tomorrow. What do you got?

[The porcupine holds an alarm clock in his hands]

Porcupine: Time for the time capsule!

[He places it in the capsule]

Lumpus: Next! [screams when he sees the beaver with big red lips] Bee sting?

[The beaver removes the lips. They were actually wax lips]

Beaver: Wax lips.

[Lumpus smacks his forehead and groans]

Lumpus: Next!

[The Beaver puts the wax lips in the time capsule. The Dung Beetles are inside]

Dung Beetles: We're ready!

Chip: For the future!

Lumpus: Next.

[Lazlo arrives]

Lazlo: Hey, Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Lumpus: What is it, kid?

Lazlo: Did you have a time capsule back when you went to Camp Kidney?

Lumpus: [flatly] Mmm-hmm.

Lazlo: Wow! So what did you put in it?

Lumpus: My youth.

Lazlo: How 'bout you, Slinkman?

Raj: What did you put in it?

Clam: Slinkman put in?

[The other scouts agree]

I've Never Bean in a Sub / The Great Snipe Hunt [2.07]

Old Turtle: Still the champ! Still the champ!

Patsy: He's dreamy...

Ms. Mucus: He's putting us out of business!

Edward: Our own sub?

Lazlo: Here you go. (hands Edward a sub sandwich)

Edward: Submarine sandwiches. Ooh, I'm losing with pride.

Samson: I heard about these kinds of things. The insane Scoutmaster takes his troupe out to the woods, uh, there's an axe, and a pile of bones, and, and some marbles, an' a bag of cereal! An' all they find is an eyebrow!

[Lumpus glares at Samson, now wearing a huge bushy monobrow]

There's No Place Like Gnome / Hot Spring Fever [2.12]

Edward: I would rather read the phone book than to hear about... [in sarcastic voice] magical wood gnomes!!!

[Lazlo is seen smiling]

Edward: But you're gonna tell us anyway?

[Lazlo nods his head]

Edward: My final moments are going to be spent in the mouths of pink-cheeked, bearded, miniature mutants, who inspired hideous lawn ornaments!

Edward: [to Slinkman] How am I gonna explain this to my mother?!

Slinkman: Well, there is a way, but it is very difficult.

Edward: Everything with mother is difficult.

Edward: Dingle Dinglehopper...

Hello Summer, Goodbye Camp [2.13]

Edward: I know this sounds crazy but I had a dream last night that told me to gather everyone at the gate and then I will get what I most desire, I hope it's a voodoo drum!

Lazlo: Here you go pal, use my neckerchief. I won't need it anymore.

Raj: Lazlo, there is something written on the inside of your neckerchief.

Lazlo: Oh yeah, that was there...when I first got it.

Raj: Let me take to my heart, Camp Kidney, a wonderland where summer runs free...

Lazlo: ...where I laughed and I played while my good parents paid to let their child come of age and be me.

Raj: [laughs] Steaming saffron! Who wrote that hokey baloony!?

Big Bean: [crying] I did.

Clam: Oblivion!

Where's Clam / Bowling for Dinosaurs [3.04]

Raj: Eeh! This wood is hurting me. Eeh! I think i'm getting a callus! EEEH!

Clam: Yoga.

Raj: What yoga is, Clam?

Lazlo: Well I guess that leaves more for us then

Raj: Um.. I think I'm late for my yoga lesson, Lazlo

Clam: Yoga

Lazlo: Oh well, I will save them some.

Lazlo Loves a Parade / Are You There S.M.I.T.S? It's Me Samson [3.08]

Mayor Pothole McPhucker: Well done! First place! First place! Brilliant! Just look at that face!

[The photo of Lumpus]

Mayor Pothole McPhucker: Just look at that thing protruding...

[The meaning statue of Piercely R. Prickly]

Raj: Are you sure it's okay to steal all this stuff?

Lazlo: It's not stealing, Raj, it's borrowing and besides we'll leave an I.O.U for them in case they're wondering where it is.

Samson: Merciful meerp! [losing control of himself] How am I supposed to get to the store?! Meerp. [crawls on his bed sadly] If I get beaten by one more ball I'll go insane! [starts crying]

Harold: [showing a photo to Dave] There she is.

Dave: Wow. She's beautiful.

Samson: Let me see that. [takes the photo out of Harold's hand] I've seen better. [stuffs the photo in his pocket] I'll keep it anyway.

Harold: But that was a picture of my mom.

[As Samson takes his pillows and heads back to his cabin, he ends up finding himself trapped in a circle by all the angry bean scouts with their pillows, threatening to beat him up due to his actions yesterday]

Edward: You're not going anywhere, pillow boy! Not until we all give you, a little taste, of some pillows!!

Tusk Wizard / Squirrel Scout Slinkman [3.09]

Milt: Watch those tusks!

Harold: Sorry.

Milt: You're hanging out with Raj, now.

Larrison: You just jumped a whole level!

Lumpus: It's not fair but I don't care.

Slinkman: [saw Lumpus reflection at the rock] Oh my gosh. I've... I've become Lumpus.

Valentine's Day / A Job Well Dung [3.11]

Commander Hoo-Ha: Now, I know what you're all asking yourselves why did Hoo-Ha bring his daughter here, hmm? The answer is simple: I have decided that she is at proper age to know what a boy is.

Patsy: Daddy, I know what a boy is...

Commander Hoo-Ha: Dup-dup-dup-dup! [picks Lazlo up] This, pumpkin, is a boy.

Patsy: Hi, Lazlo!

Lazlo: Ahem. Hoo-Ha's your dad?

Patsy: Duh!

Commander Hoo-Ha: No fraternizing with my pumpkin! Fraternizing leads to liking. And if a boy wants to like my Pumpkin [puts his hands next to both sides of Patsy's eyes], not just like, I mean like like, WHO COULD SAY WHAT I'D DO?! [Hoo-Ha is so angry that he blew his top, which flies in front of the Beans and catches fire and disappears] Well I don't have to worry about that, do I? Isn't that right?!

[Slinkman, Edward, Raj, and Clam shake in fear]

Samson: You really have to beat me up?

Lumpus: My old cabin could sure use an upgrade. Dum-dum, dum-dum, DUUMM. [destroys the old cabin model to show the upgrade model] Oh, the official scoutmaster upgrade? Well yes of course I know I deserve it for keeping my temper and Roman quota for three years and running.

[Slinkman knocks the door and Lumpus hide models]

Lumpus: [angrily] What?

Chip and Skip: [crying]

Lumpus: Slinkman. Why are they weeping??

Slinkman: Because Skip and Chip’s camp dues haven’t been paid up in months. I have no choice but to send them home to their three nannies [throws backwards the notebook] it’s scout regulations.

Chip: We love camp. [crying]

Skip: We don’t want to go home. [crying]

Lumpus: [worried] Home? Slinkman. We can't send them home. [angry] If we do it will ruin my hill Roman streak. [getting worried] And I won't get my cabin upgrade.

Slinkman: Officially, the only way they can stay is if they have jobs, here in camp to pay off what they owe.

Lumpus: [being happy] YES JOBS! Problem solved.

Strange Trout from Outer Space / Cheese Orbs [4.01]

Alien 3: I indicate cheese in 24 hours!

Alien 2: Is it safe to stay with the earthling?

Nina: [enters dressed in a spacesuit] Ta-da! What do you think of my space jumper?

Alien: It's wierd. It's harmless. We'll stay.

Samson: [to one of the trouts] Here, do that thing you do with the paper, come on! Do it!

Trout: [reading the diary page] Dear Diary, I want to be Lazlo's friend sooooo...

Samson: [interrupts and snatches the page back] Give me that!

Alien 3: I have an idea! Lets hold (Samson) hostage until they give us chesse!

Alien 1: [watching other campers beat up the Samson rock] Somehow I don't know if that will work.

Almondine: Is she okay?

Patsy: [dizzy with her hair in a mess] I’m okay.

Amber: [laughs] Look at her hair!

Patsy: My hair?! [gasps in shock, screaming] MYYYY HAAAAAAAIIRRRRR!!!!!! [to Nina] You, and you're stupid science experiments! I have never been so humiliated!

Gretchen: [while she and Patsy are by the window, lonely] No cheese, No Nina.

Lazlo: [as he and his cabin mates show up] Hi, ladies! I Know how to turn those long faces short--a preview of my Hungarian Cheddar?

Patsy: [exclaims in shock as she turns away from Lazlo's cheese] Get away, get away!

Lazlo: [nervously pulls the cheese away] Oh! Um...Sorry. [Patsy starts crying and runs away]

Gretchen: [to Lazlo, angrily] Smooth move, jellies! Everybody knows she's allergic to cheese! She bloats, she turns into-- [gasps and realizes she has an idea] Aha!

Nina: [realizes the alien was her two friends] Gretchen?! Patsy?! [runs to Patsy] What happened to you?

Patsy: [voice breaking] I...ate...all the...cheese!

Nina: [tearing up] But why, Patsy? Why?

Patsy: [gulps, tearing up] Because you...you prefer disgusting mutants with lasers...over me.

Nina: [smiles hopefully] You had a severe allergic reaction just for me??? Come here, you two! [group hugs Patsy and Gretchen as the audience awws]

Jane: Um...Folks, [chuckles] there's just a little bit of bad news: [chuckles again] there is no cheese.

[everyone gasps and runs away screaming to their homes]

Award to the Wise / Cave Chatter [4.03]

Lazlo: Here you go, Sheldon [hands Sheldon an award]

Sheldon: Best performance from an incidental character. Wow, thanks Lazlo!

Raj: [about the wood glue] Peww, Lazlo, that smells terrible.

Lazlo: Really? I kinda like the smell of wood glue.

Slinkman: [walks into the living room] Alright, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Ready for your-- [notices he is injured violently, surprised] Oh, my! Your back, it's all in knots.

Samson: [walks into the plains, sadly] I can't have anything they can! You meet a frozen caveman, they become friends and BAM! Somebody wants to thaw him out! He was my...[sniffles]...friend. He'd Listened! [starts crying] Now there's no one to listen--no one in the whole...wide...world. [sits down by a lake] There's just me, listening...to me...

Samson: Ah, Murf! The only reason the cave bean listens to me. Now, that Lazlo took him I have no one to talk to.

Edward: Who are you talking to?

Samson: Nobody.

Ed's Benedict / The Book of Slinkman [4.04]

Samson: [with binoculars staring up at the sun] Is it bad to stare directly at the sun?

Clam: [looking directly at the sun with binoculars and getting his eyes slowly burned] Yes.

Edward: [panicking over the egg] WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

Chip: Aren't you gonna lay another one?

Skip: We don't have to watch.

Edward: The Ed-man is going to calmly walk over here... he's going to close his eyes... and when he opens them, he's going to wake up from this nightmare.

[Edward shuts his eyes tight]

Skip: Sneaky!

Edward: [to himself] WAKE UP, EDWARD! There, it worked!

Edward: HOW?! How can you eat eggs?!

Milt: Uh, with a fork?

Edward: You... you animals! [walks to the exit and starts stomping furiously]

Lazlo: Mr. Slinkman, where would are society be without books? Think of the notebook, think of the phone book... and the most greatest book of all... THE COMIC BOOK!

Slinkman: [talking about a great scout] That was back when beans were beans. Way back... last week.

Never Bean on the Map / Harold and Raj [4.05]

Lumpus: I don't like meat. I LOVE meat!

Professor Lion: [off-screen] Hey, Edna, would look at this, they finally put Camp Kidney on the place mad map. That's perfect!

Edna: Just what we've been waiting for.

Professor Lion: Now our life has purpose beyond the early bird special.

Edward: Wait a minute.

Raj: What?

Edward: Flying marshmallows?

Raj: True story.

Edward: Well that was the best story I ever heard!

Harold: [struggling] I like bananas! Also, I looked at my toenail once and I think I saw it grow. The End!

[the other bean scouts are shocked; Milt and Larrison clap slowly]

Edward: [annoyed] Ugh! Losers!

[Harold walks sadly with Milt, and Larrison to their cabin after having themselves another day]

Milt: I loved your story! [elbow nudges Harold] The part about the toenail was like, WOW!

Harold: It was stupid. [upset] Why can't I tell cool stories like Raj?

Milt: Hey, why can't I get a life? [he and Larrison both laugh]

Harold: I'll tell you why! All we do is stand in the background and watch the cool guys do stuff. I'm sorry but I'm gonne be cool, or my name's not Harold.

Milt: But your name's not Harold.

Harold: Well that's what the cool guys call me!

Lazlo: I think his marshmallow ions are running low.

Raj: Got any marshmallows, Samson?

Samson: [walking by] Nope. Quit three weeks ago.

Raj: Harold, you are a nice guy but hanging out with you is like, hanging out with myself. And I'm surprised by how pretty that is. Let's not hang out anymore. Don't call, don't write, don't drop by unexpectedly.

Harold: But Raj, I thought...

Raj: Great, bye! Nice knowing ya! [walks off and leaves; Harold whimpers sadly]

Samson: [walking by] My allergies are really acting up today.

Harold: I got allergies too! [breathes heavily] Can I be your friend hamster boy?! [to Chip and Skip] How 'bout you fellers? Can I be like you?! Heck, I'm dumber and stinkier than the two of you combined! [Chip and Skip leave him alone; starts to break down in tears, sobbing] I just wanted to be cool and, do fun stuff! [Raj walks up to him; turns and looks at him] Well, look who decided to drop by unexpectedly!

Raj: Can I, um, talk to you for a sec?

Raj: Um, Harold, I do not think you are a superhero.

Harold: My name's not Harold either. I'll never know who I am.

Edward: [laughing] What a loser! And if that loser was too cool [to Milt and Larrison] to hang out with you guys, what does that make you?

[Milt and Larrison look at each other dismayed and upset]

Harold: [growls angrily with fury and marches over to Edward] You...can’t...talk to my friends like THAT!

Edward: Well, if ain’t Captain Banana-Pants.

Lumpus vs. the Volcano / Nursemaster [4.06]

[In his office, Scoutmaster Lumpus is watching a commercial on T.V. On the T.V. is a banjo-playing rooster dressed as a sherrif]

Deputy Doodle-Doo: ♪ Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... ♪ [throws his banjo off-screen] Howdy, partners!

Children: Howdy to you!

Deputy Doodle-Doo: Bet you're feelin' hungry.

Children: You know that we do!

Deputy Doodle-Doo: Well, my name is Deputy Doodle-Doo. Make the best frozen dinners especially for you! [A pie gets placed on the table and then cuts to him coming out of a saloon] But if you don't believe me or you think it's a lie... [The pie on the table bursts open and a baby chick pops out] There she blows!

Baby chick: Try our chicken pot pie!

[Lumpus drools while watching this]

Deputy Doodle-Doo: Big ol' chunks of chicken with gravy. All wrapped up in a deep-dish prairie-style pie. [four pies with arms and legs dance behind him] But if you don't believe me or you think it's a lie... [The chick pops out of the pie] There she blows!

Baby Chick: Try our chicken pot pie!

T.V. Announcer: Available in your local frozen food section. Additional gravy sold separately. Get some now.

Lumpus: Will do!

Samson: Can't you see I'm a walking health hazard?!

Lazlo's First Crush / Living la Vida Lumpus [4.08]

Lazlo: I'm in love with a mermaid!

Raj: That's great, dude.

Raj: Well, I LOVE HER TOO, DUDE!

Lazlo: WHAT?!

Lazlo: [to Edward] Doofus says "What?"

Edward: What? [realizes he's been tricked] Grrr, real mature, Lazlo.

Edward's Big Bag / The List [5.01]

Lazlo: Hey Edward! You can sleep in my sleeping bag!

Edward: I don't have much of a choice, do I? [gets in Lazlo's sleeping bag] Your pajamas feel nice to! What are they, flannel?

Lazlo: I sleep in the nude.

Lazlo: I need to tell Dave I love him!

Edward: [to the audience] You can't write this kind of stuff.

Edward: DAVE, I LOVE YOU!!!

Edward: It feels good to wash this day away. All those acts of kindness and compassion. They went against everything I've ever stood for. I feel like my soul's been hacked from my body and trampled.

Chef McMuseli: Hey! That was supposed to be vegetarian!

Camp Complain / The Engagement [5.02]

Leonard: The sky is too blue.

Liniment: The grass is too green.

[Louie farts]

Larry: Louie farted.

Norman: [with mouth covered in mud] I tripped and got mud in my mouth.

Edward: As long as this isn't about me forcing the sheep to eat mud. Which I didn't! Then I don't care what this is about.

Slinkman: [enters] Hey, fellas.

Edward: I didn't do anything! [shuts his mouth]

Edward: I can't believe this! They're not complaining on purpose!

Harold: But why would they do that?

Edward: Don't you see? They're jealous of our pinball!

Samson: Yeah, and our hats!

Edward: No Samson. They're not jealous of our hats.

Samson: Our badges?

Edward: Stop talking.

Mayor Pothole McPucker: Wait a minute, ma'am.

Jane: DON'T YOU "WAIT A MINUTE" ME, YOU SCOUNDREL!!

[after Lumpus has confessed his love for Jane while dressed as a woman]

Mayor Pothole McPucker: ... I love you too!

Jane: Huh?!

Mayor Pothole McPucker: I'm sorry, Jane. She's hot.

Samson: [in a solemn, but horrified voice] I tried to pick up Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Call Me Almondine / Clam the Outlaw [5.03]

Almondine: Miss Doe, what is pretty?

Jane: Well, little girls are pretty, and cold left overs are pretty!

Almondine: Cold leftovers?

Lumpus: Get a rope.

Slinkman: Sir?

Lumpus: We'll need one to get the bus out.

Slinkman: Oh, yeah, right.

Lumpus: [playing the keytar] Let me tell you about a dude... [murmuring while playing] ...who can be a bit... [key line] ...rude. He'll get you some.... [pause]

Slinkman: Food.

Lumpus: FOOODDD!! And maybe a... hot dog or something. [stops playing the keytar] ALL RIGHT, HE'S OUTLAW! LUMPUS ALRIGHT, ME??!!!

[The Bean Scouts looked puzzled]

Lumpus: HERE COMES THE BRIDGE!!! YEAH!!!!

Penny for Your Dung / Baby Bean [5.04]

Chip: But you can't have a funeral until the search is called off.

Lazlo: It was called off this morning.

Skip: Who called it off?

Lazlo: President Frankenstien...

Dave: [as President Frankenstien] I'm sorry for your loss.

Lazlo: Now, we've got to decide what to do about Chip and Skip. If they're not stopped, they may destroy the whole world.

Samson: But what can we do?

Edward: We can hit them! It's always worked for me!

Lazlo: Let's try to think of something nonviolent.

Edward: Then I got nothing.

Slinkman: Oh, it looks like it's a baby.

Lumpus: A what?

Slinkman: Well a baby is kind of like a little person. [pause] Who will one day grow up to be a big person.

Lumpus: Sweet mother of science, what will they think of next?

Kamp Kringle [5.05]

Edward: You've come to the right place, I love making people hate Camp Kidney.

Raj: But what will we make the toys out of?

Lazlo: [picks up rock] This rock.

Santa: I think camping is what the doctor ordered.

Bad Luck Be a Camper Tonight / Step Clam [5.06]

[After Nina running into the forest crying]

Squirrel: Why is it that campers always run into the forest when they get upset?

Peace Frog / Lumpus's Last Stand [5.09]

Lumpus: [relaxing on a lawn chair while enjoying his coffee] You going to tell me what you want or are you just going to stare?

[The scene cuts to the Bean Scouts holding bags of dirty clothes cause it's laundry day today]

Slinkman: It's laundry day, sir.

Lumpus: Cancel it. [stares angrily at Slinkman]

Slinkman: No can do, [opens a green book and flipped through the pages of how Lumpus cancels laundry day so many times] you've cancelled it so many times that there's only one more page left in the calendar.

Lumpus: Oh, really? Let me see. [rips a page out of the book and sees it] Mmm-hmm. Hmm. [crumbles the page, dip it a coffee and eats it. Then he drinks the coffee] Ahh!

[Slinkman glares at Lumpus]

Lumpus: Don't be a sucker, Slinky. Laundry is the biggest waste of time there is. Why if it weren't for the laundry, we'd have time to solve world hunger and invent time travel.

Slinkman: Or sleep all day on a lawn chair?

Lumpus: Oh, okay! [fall fast asleep on a lawn chair]

Slinkman: [shows Lumpus the children who are wearing dirty clothes] And what about the children? [off-screen] They've been wearing the same filthy clothes for weeks.

Lumpus: [wakes up] Well, when I'm feeling less than fresh, I simply turn my clothes inside out and let the breeze clean them.

[Green filthy gas from Lumpus' unclean bean scout uniform pops out and destroys everything from Camp Kidney. Lumpus smells his uniform and knows it needs to get washed]

Lumpus: [looks himself through the mirror] Well, I am either a lunatic or the greatest genius the world has ever known.

[after the Bean Scouts throw away their clothes; Lumpus is giving them an announcement]

Lumpus: Listen up, Beans, Say goodbye to those cotton poly prisons called clothes. Today we break the time wasting Saul washing cycle of wash wear and repeat, For I Algonquin C genius has invented a uniform that can be worn around the clock and never needs washing.

Beans Scouts: [off-screen] Yeah!

[Lumpus takes out some red paint]

Lumpus: Who wants to try one on?

Edward: Does it have to be a Bean Scout uniform?

Lumpus: Not at all, choose any style you like...

[Edward uses blue paint and paints himself a tuxedo, and a hat which he puts on his head. Lazlo uses green paint and paints himself invisible. Chip and Skip use brown paint and paint themselves some Bean Scout uniforms and add some faces to the backs of their heads]

Chip and Skip: Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!

[Samson uses pink paint and paints himself a ballerina costume and added tutu. He twirls like a ballerina. Meanwhile, the Owl Cop drives his bicycle and stops at Camp Kidney. He use his binoculars and sees Dave, Ping Pong and Harold making painted clothes]

Owl Cop: [off-screen] Huh? [on-screen] Uhh... [went to talk to Lumpus] Mister, what in Bob's bingo is going on here?

Lumpus: Umm, what does it look like?

Owl Cop: Like a bunch of folks wearing paint instead of clothes.

[Lumpus has an unhappy expression]

Owl Cop: What color do you have?

Lumpus: [as he finishes painting the cop's clothes] And that should about... do it.

Owl Cop: Oh man, that's perfect.

Lumpus: Kiss those dry cleaning bills goodbye.

Owl Cop: You got any bicycle paint?

[Later, after Lumpus turns the cop's bicycle into a motorcycle]

Owl Cop: Oh man, I'm telling all my friends about this. [drives away]

[The last scene of the series]

Lumpus: Let me just start by saying how surprised I am. Surprised you have an honor to be sooner I mean I was telling people that I've been a genius for years. But perhaps I am not here to point fingers. [Suddenly, rain clouds appear in the sky] There are some people that I like to thank for helping me. [The thunder's rumble is heard] Oh no, wait! I did it all myself.

[Lumpus laughs hysterically as the lightning crashes. Then it begins to rain washing all of the people's painted clothes off]

Lumpus: [off-screen] Yes, that's me, the exulted one. Worship me of the universe.

[Lumpus laughs hysterically as the rain washes his painted clothes off. The rain stops and Lumpus looks down]

Lumpus: DDDAAAAHHHHH!!!

Owl Cop: [gasps] Hey! He's naked... [looks down]

[All of the Prickly Pines citizens begin panicking. Tarson grabs one of the citizens to cover his naked body. The two green moose walk away from each other and Lazlo and the Bean Scouts feel uncomfortable]

Owl Cop: [to Lumpus while covering his naked body] Now what are we going to do? We destroyed our clothes!

Lumpus: Yeah? So is that a bad thing?

Professor Lion: It's a disaster! And you're the crazy person. [walks away] We never should've listened to you.

[The citizens tell Lumpus that he's no genius at all. Suddenly the statue of Lumpus from the future disintegrates turning back into everyone's clothes who haven't been washed in a thousand years]

Lumpus: [gasps] NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!

[The two green moose from the future turn into present day guys losing their antlers and becoming very thin and skinny]

Futuristic Moose 1: Well, there goes the future.

Futuristic Moose 2: Hey, I'm starving.

Futuristic Moose 1: Let's (go back to the future and) grab a bite.

[They both go into the time machine]

Owl Cop: Quick, let's get them clothes on!

[The citizens put their stinky clothes on] 

Prickly Pine citizen: [groans in disgust] They stink. 

Owl Cop: Well, they haven't been washed in a thousand years! THANKS A LOT, GENIUS!!

[The citizens run towards Lumpus until they hear the police siren from the distance. The police car and the hospital van come to a stop. Heffer Wolfe and the police officer step out of the police car]

Real Scoutmaster (Heffer Wolfe): [about how Lumpus locked him in the closet all summer long and stole his job as the scoutmaster] Uh-huh, uh-huh! That's him, officer! That's the bad moose who locked me in the closet all summer and stole my job as scoutmaster. [off-screen] He fooled all of you! [on-screen] He's an impostor, a fake, and worse... [the camera zooms in to an extreme close-up] He is no scoutmaster of Camp Kidney!

Bean Scouts: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

Lumpus: Yeah, so? [A hospital guard walks up to Lumpus] What are you doing? [The hospital guard puts a straight jacket on him as he yells indistinctly] Get your hands off of me!

[The hospital guard then picks him up and walks off with him]

Lumpus: I'll get you for this, cow!

Real Scoutmaster (Heffer Wolfe): Steer!

Lumpus: I'm a genius, you know! [the hospital guard drives off with him] I'M A GENIUS!

[Lazlo, Raj, Clam, Samson and Edward are standing around naked]

Lazlo: Bye, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Get some rest! Boy, what a happy ending.

Edward: Lazlo, we're standing here in Prickly Pines naked and the moose we thought was our scoutmaster had just got hauled off as a dangerous lunatic to a funny farm.

Lazlo: Yeah! What a great summer! Whoo! I can't wait for next year!

[Everyone walks off-screen, leaving Samson behind]

Samson: [unimpressed] Okay. I think it's just officially got to the point where it can't get any weirder.

[Samson then walks off-screen and joins the others as the scene fades to black]

[The last credits of the series; Lumpus's car keys falls into the house of a fish family in Leaky Lake]

Stanley: [notices Lumpus's car keys] Hey, Helen! Look what fell from the roof! It's a sign from the heavens of male superiority!

Helen: [off-screen] That's nice, Stanley, but can you take out the garbage now?

[The last of the keys falls down]

Stanley: [unhappy] Uh, yeah... okay.

[The scene cuts to Cartoon Network Studios logo and then fades to black, ending the episode and the series]