Josh Server

Detective Dan: "I'm Detective Dan."

Detective Dan: "Hello, Pizza Shack? I'd like a large pepperoni pizza with no pepperonis."

Bernie: "My name is Bernie Kibbitz. AND I NEED PANTS!"

Squash Hick: "Why, the only thing I like more than fishing (or buses) is my good friend Squash Boy!"

Studs: "I find your hilarious comedy both amusing AND entertaining!"

Studs: "LIGHTS OUT!!" [faints]

Studs: "I am unconcious and he still makes me laugh."

Emily Maroon: [after crashing into a wall] "Wall hit face!"'

Jerry: "How many shoes?....Ooh, wrong! The answer was nine. Nine shoes."

Jerry: "YOU...CAN'T...WIN!"

Toby: "Forget that bicycle! Forget that treadmill! Forget that thing I was tryin' to sell you last week! The Board is the only piece of fitness equipment you and your loved ones will ever need!"

Earboy: "WAIT A MINUTE! I know a guy who has huge ears like mine and everybody likes him! He'll tell me what I should do!"

Milk Man: "Now with Superdude out of the way, I can achieve my life long dream of bothering people all over the world!"

Jimmy Bond: "Wow, that is some penny!"

Ray Borealis: "Why did you send me here, Brenda?"

Tandy Spork: "Chocolate? Randy, once you've tasted the magical freshness of carrots, asparagus, broccoli, and green beans, you'll find that you won't even want to eat that nasty, silly chocolate anymore!"

Kenan Thompson

Superdude: "I'm Superdude, teenage superhero with powers that amaze the stupid."

Superdude: "I'm Superdude, the teenage superhero with powers that make women sweat!"

Superdude: "I'm Superdude, the teenage superhero with powers that can make hamsters dance!"

Superdude: [usually after his intro] "I also enjoy fluffy stuffed animals, and...soft kisses, and...chatting on the phone long-distance!"

Nasty Nancy: "You'd be nasty, too, iffin' you was a cowboy named...'Nancy'."

Mavis: "Hey, Clavis, wake up; the show's over."

Miss Piddlin: "Miss Piddlin almost let her bad temper and delicate mental conditions get the better of her!"

Miss Piddlin: "Taste the peas! C'mon, little angel! Tell Miss Piddlin whatcha think of the peas!"

Miss Piddlin: "Careful, Miss Piddlin, don't lose your pea cool."

Miss Piddlin: "JULIO!!"

Miss Piddlin: "Well, if you don't wanna eat peas, don't eat nothin' at all!"

Miss Piddlin: "Miss Piddlin is back--with her special salad. I like to call it...peas!"

[Ishboo is a phony foreign exchange student.]

(Other character): "What country are you from, Ishboo?"

Ishboo: "That is a very good question."

(Other character): "What country are you from, Ishboo?"

Ishboo: "Why are you screaming at me?!"

(Other character): "What country are you from, Ishboo?"

Ishboo: "I forget."

(Other character): "What country are you from, Ishboo?"

Ishboo: "DONT TEST ME!"

Ishboo: [to the security guard] "Look at my swinging jewel. When I snap my fingers you will leave quietly." (Security guard falls asleep.)

Ishboo: "Oh, well; close enough."

Ishboo: (to Dr. Prober [Mitchell]) "Look at my swinging jewel. When I snap my fingers you will put the needle down and walk out the door." (Dr. Prober slams the needle down, sits on it, and yells, slamming everything down and running out of the door.)

Bill Cosby: "Eat lots of yellow pudding."

Randy: "Ya can't beat chocolate."

Chef Farley (guest star Chris Farley): "'Ya can't beat chocolate'. Randoo, I'm worried about ya. Look here, kid, you've been eatin' chocolate all your life, and all you've got to show for it is A NEW CROP OF ZITS! I'M WORRIED ABOUT YA! PRETTY SOON, YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP SUNDAY MORNING, AND IF YOU'RE STEALIN' GRANDMA'S BRINDLED MINTS OUT OF HER CANDY DISH, YOU'RE GONNA END UP IN REHAB, A CHOCOHOLIC!!"

Randy: "Are you on some kind of...medication?"

Randy: [after tasting his dish, 'Burrito Surprise'--a chocolate-covered burrito] "That makes me wanna sing!" [singing to the tune of 'La Cucaracha'] "La chocolata, la chocolata..."

Antoine: "What it is."

Jerry Futile: "I'm sorry, the correct answer was 'meatloaf.'"

Antoine: "But I said 'meatloaf'! Didn't y'all hear Antoine say 'meatloaf'?!"

Coldfinger: "Look at my finger. It is really cold."

Principal Pimpell: "As principal of Dullmont Junior High School, Principal William...Baines...Pimpell!"

Principal Pimpell: [while teaching the "gifted" class] "Now, these little black squiggles are symbols called letters. Now, now, together, these letters form visual representations of words, like, for example, let me see...'coconut'! 'Coconut' is a word. Can anybody say, 'coconut'"?

[appeared in a Harry Bladder sketch]

Principal Pimpell: "Sweet puss, my pimple's talking!"

Lester Oaks, Construction Worker: "My name is Lester Oaks, Construction Worker!"

[appeared in the All That Tenth Anniversary Special Good Burger sketch]

Lester Oaks, Construction Worker: Crunch bunny!

Kel Mitchell

Ed: "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"

Ed: [singing] "I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, 'cause we're all dudes, hey!"

Ed: "Uhh...no?"

Ed: "That'll be eight bucks."

Customer [Server]: "Hi, I'd like a Good Punch."

Ed: "Okay." [Ed punches the customer in the face, KO-ing him.]

[The customer awakens a few minutes later.]

Customer: "Why did you hit me? All I did was ask for a Good Punch!" [Ed knocks him out again.]

[The customer wakes up again.]

Customer: "Okay, I think I've got it now. I keep asking for a Good Punch, and you keep hitting me repeatedly. So I'd like one Good SODA, got it?"

Ed: "One Good Soda."

Customer: "Right." [Ed punches him out again.]

Okrah: "Today on the Okrah show, you'll be entertained by other people's tragic lives."

Lump Maroon: [only dialogue] "Jupiterrrrrrrrr!"

Clavis: "Oh, yeah, kick it!"

Clavis: "You just gotta reach deep down in your pants and pull out stuff you never knew you had."

Coach Kreeton: "Aww, the life I live is sad!"

Coach Kreeton: "Aww, my happiness is a memory!"

Coach Kreeton: "Hehe! Hehe! Hehe! Goooood..."

Coach Kreeton: "Why must you upset me in ways I can't understand?"

Butter Boy: "Superdude, why don't you rub up against me?"

[Repairmanman has just dropped through the ceiling, making a mess.]''

[Other character]: "What was that?"

Repairmanman: "That was me! I'm...Repairmanman-man-man-man-man!"

[Other character]: "What's with the echo?"

Repairmanman: "Echo my butt!"

[Other character]: "What's with the echo?"

Repairmanman: "Echo schmecho!"

[Other character]: "What's with the echo?"

Repairmanman: "Go away!"

Repairman: [After "repairing" a family's lamp] "That lamp won't be giving you any more trouble; I repaired it!"

Father (Kevin Kopelow): "No. No, you didn't. You killed it."

Daughter (Johnson): "You squashed our helpless lamp!"

Dr. Kay: "Look, you could name him Cheddar Cheese if you want anything better than Melvin! Problem solved!" [Rings his gong with his slingshot.]

Lori Beth Denberg

Miss Fingerly: "The classroom is no place to exchange ideas and information!"

Miss Fingerly: "The classroom is no place for research."

Miss Fingerly: "The classroom is no place for enjoying yourself."

Miss Fingerly: "Good afternoon, students. I trust you all enjoyed lunch. I myself consumed a tasty chicken pot pie. Teachers love chicken pot pie. Cock-a-Doodle Pie!"

Loud Librarian: "QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY!" (blows airhorn)

Herself: "I want a rhinoceros...carved out of pure gold!"*

Santa Claus: "So Lori Beth, have you been a good girl this year?"

Lori Beth: "Hmmm, no."

Santa Claus: "Bye Bye!"

Lori Beth: "Seeya Santa."

Sweaty Woman: "You two couldn't be more wrong! It's Superdude!"

Miss Fingerly: "The classroom is no place for hiney slapping!"

Loud Librarian: "QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY! NOT A TALKATORIUM!"

Loud Librarian: "IF YOU WON'T BE SILENT, I WILL BE VIOLENT!!!"

Other character [Bynes]: "I'm sorry. I thought this was the library--"

Loud Librarian: "WRONG! THIS IS THE LIBRARY, AND THAT MEANS NO NOISE! WHAT KIND OF LUNATIC ARE YOU?!"

Connie Muldoon: I was never in my car! We Muldoons don't believe in motor vehicles!

Herself: [singing] "I'm so proud of my new bunny; he wiggles his nose, and eats my honey; he tickles my toes, I tickle his tummy; and that's why I'm so proud. Proud, proud, proud; bunny, bunny, bunny..."

Katrina Johnson

Ross Perot: Did you know I'm freakishly rich? I mean, I got over $4 billion.

Perot: [looks hungrily at Pizzaface] How can I concentrate with that dee-licious pizza starin' at me?

Perot: Look at me, I'm in a bathtub full of money. I'm a sawed-off freak, takin' a $4 billion jacuzzi!

Dorothy: Mr. Cosby, I need a shower.

Cosby [Thompson]: That you do.

Lemonade Scammer: [after giving a customer free but spicy peanuts] I call 'em 'jalapeanuts'.

[someone has asked about lactose-intolerant; Johnson's character appears from inside of a grocery display]

Sally: Superdude is lactose-intolerant. That means he can be harmed by dairy products.

Woman: You mean like ham?

Sally: No. Ham is meat. Dairy products include milk, butter, cream, cheese, cream cheese, and...

YoGurl: Yogurt!

Sally: I've got a squeegee.

Sally: You're the best, Superdude, even if you are lactose-intolerant.

Alisa Reyes

[Kiki and Fran are stranded on an uncharted island.]

Kiki: [singing] "Fran's here, and I'm here, and you're here, and you're gonna be heeeeeere...forrrrrever-"

Fran [Denberg]: "Stop it."

Kiki: "-and ever-"

Fran: "Stop it!"

Kiki: "-and ever-"

Fran: "STOP IT!"

Kiki: "-and ever, [Fran knocks herself out.] and ever...."

Angelique Bates

Mandy: "Can it be snowing chocolate sprinkles?"

Penny Lane: [to Superdude] "No, the milk will harm you! You're lactose-intolerant!"

Steve Urkel: "Surprise! Ha-ha, did I do thaaaaaat?"

Amanda Bynes

Ashley: [starts to read a letter] "Dear Ashley..." That's me!

Springs: [sings] I'm a teeny-weeny bopper-beany, I'm so nice and he's so meany!

[Alien Thumtax has just fired on the U.S.S. Spaceship, which is helmed by 10-year-old Captain Tantrum]

Captain Tantrum: [wails] You hurt my spaceship! WAAAAAAAAH!

Thumtax [Denberg]: I'm sorry, lil' cap'n. What can I do to make it up to you?

Captain Tantrum: [sniffles] Lower your shields. WAAAAAAAAH!

Thumtax: Okay. Lowered shields!

Captain Tantrum: FIRE MAIN LASERS!

Singo [Mitchell]: [sings] Firin' lasers!

[he and the others fire the lasers at Thumtax's ship]

Thumtax: [in the destruction of her ship; screams]

Singo: Captain, that was brilliant! Captain, that was brilliant!

Ashley: Our next letter comes from Lisa Lillian From Queens, New York. Lisa writes: "Dear Ashley..." That's me. "Dear Ashley, my name is Lisa. I just bought a new sweater. It is green. Sincerely, Lisa."

(long pause)

Ashley: WHO STINKIN' CARES?! This is called ASK Ashley! Not Bore Ashley to Stinkin' Death! [mocks] Gee, I'm Lisa Lillian! And I just bought a new sweater! It is green! I'm a moron, and blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-BLAH!!!

(after someone writes a letter in French)

Ashley: What kinda French-fried kumquat writes to an American TV show in stinkin' French?! Do I look like Pierre Escargot?! D'you see me on a stinkin' bathtub?!

Danny Tamberelli

Janitor Gaseous: "Squat and rot!"

Jack Campbell: "I'm gonna collect all this evidence...with my face!"

Jack Campbell: "I'm Jack Campbell, Fat Cop!"

Francis the Caveman: "Me Francis and I'm a caveman."

Christy Knowings

Jessica: "And like my name is Jessica!"

Winter Wonders: "Welcome to another episode of, What Do You Do!"

Jessica: "I would die for the skinless chicken breast!"

Gina [Bynes]:"But don't!"

Jessica:"I won't!"

Brenda Stone: "Well That's Nice"

Brenda Stone: "Oh, Ray. You're such a silly willy!"

Leon Frierson

Leroy: "Fuzz, we're not done yet. We should have a blow-dryer."

Fuzz [a puppet]: "A blow-dryer? But that's not a blow-dryer; that's an industrial strength leaf-blower!"

Billy Fuco: "I'M BILLY FUCO!"

[There has been a long arguement over which Cloudy Knight singer should be top-billed.]

C.J.: "I'm the cutest, and I have the biggest 'fro, so the group will continue to be called 'C.J. and the Cloudy Knights.'"

Nick Cannon

LaTanya: "Okaaaaay!"

Sweaty Spice: "Boy Power!"

Mark Saul

Stuart: "Fine, I'm not the real yearbook photographer. I'm just a guy named Stuart. But you know something? If I was the real yearbook photographer, I'd be the best yearbook photographer IN ALL THE LAND! People would come up to me and say 'Oh, Stuart, you're the best yearbook photographer...EVER!!!!!' You all sicken me!! Now I'm going to get on my pterodactyl and go. C'mon, Terence."

Amanda: "Look, nut; this is a camera, and that's an iguana."

Stuart: "And I'm a goat." (bleats like a goat, eats a handful of grass)

Hypno-Pants: "Stare into my butt!"

Murray: "Hey! Could you-hey! Could you bring me-hey! Could you bring me a balloon?"

Gabriel Iglesias

Bill Clinton: "Due to a shortage of the number 3, we are replacing it with the word 'chippermonkey'...One, two, chippermonkey, four."

Other

[The show opening]

Announcer [Soup]: "Fresh out the box! Stop, look, & watch! Ready yet? Get set! It's All That!"

[Peter and Flem are performing the actions as narrated.]

Announcer: "Peter sharpens his pencil in a pencil sharpener. Flem sharpens his pencil in his belly button.

Announcer: "Peter runs five miles every morning. Flem runs from the police."

Announcer: "Peter does his homework neatly and carefully. Flem hits things with a hammer."

Announcer: "Peter likes to read. Flem can't."

Kevin Kopelow: "Five minutes! The show starts in five minutes!"

Dan Schneider: "Hiiiii, everyone! It's time for 'Ask Ashley'!"

Mr. Bailey [Schneider]: "I have to go home and shave Mother!"

Mýa Harrison: [Describing the perils of live television] "...And if things go horribly wrong, we'll show this video clip of Rhineheart the Dancing Monkey-Boy."

Everyone: "Let's have a round o' sound for our musical guest, [insert guest's name]!"

Chelsea Brummet

Bridgett: "Welcome to my slumber party! The only thing I think about besides boys is boys!"

Abby Rhoades: "Like, okay, okay?"

Mega Butt: "Butt powers ACTIVATE!"

Jack DeSena

Slimon Bowel: "I hate you all."

Randy Quench: "Here comes me!"

Randy Quench: I'm Randy Quench! Volunteer Fireman!

Carson Daly: "I'm now bleeding from the ears! I hope you're happy!"

Lisa Foiles

Claudia: "When life gives me lemons, I suck them."

Claudia: "Can I puke?"

Heather Darling: "INCOMING!!!"

Heather Darling: "That's my name!"

Kaffy: "MY HEART IS POUNDING LIKE A JACKHAMMER!"

Kyle Sullivan

Harry Bladder: "Weenius nosium!"

[Sacco (Lyons) had enlarged Herhiney's (Foiles) butt.]

Harry Bladder: "Look what you did to her heinie!"

Brian Peafest: "Who will be the next American Idiot?"

Buzz: "MY PULSE IS RACING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT!"

Ernie: "Here comes the loopy-de-loop."

Shane Lyons

Giovonnie Samuels

Mandy Snackson: "Dawg, you did your thing."

Driving Instructor: "Don't be distracted by distractions!"

Bryan Hearne

Re-Ron: "I'm Harry Bladder's precocious best friend!"

Zigfried: "KUMQUAT!...jerk."

Jamie Lynn Spears

Thelma Stump: "Got any bacon?...Bacon's goooood."

Carlee:"I'm Carlee--"

Marlee [Foiles]: "--and I'm Marlee--"

Both: "--and we have a passion for trashin' fashion! Uh-huh!"

Christina Kirkman

Cindy Lou Rougeneck: "I want some babyback ribs!"

Sunshine Sally: "So, go get the tacos."

Kianna Underwood

Kareena Jones: "Sas-er-frass!"

Kareena Jones: "No flapjacks for you TODAY!!"

Denzel Whitaker

Cupid: "I don't like it now, and I didn't like it when I was a tall white guy!" (the part had previously been played by Lyons)

Jeff Bester: "When it comes to safety, I know bester!"

Jeff Bester: "Yo-yo's going crazy."

Other

Lady in Shane's Mouth [Schneider]: "Don't live in a mouth!"

Brian Peck: "Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars..."