Puffs, or Seven Increasingly Eventful Years at a Certain School of Magic and Magic

A Narrator addresses the audience revealing a story about a young, orphaned boy with a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt, but quickly dismisses the boy's story. He then introduces another orphan named Wayne who lives with his uncle Dave in New Mexico. One day, an owl drops a letter in Wayne's living room telling him that he has been invited to "a certain school of magic and magic." His uncle quickly tells him about how his parents were wizards before rushing him to the train station. Wayne is then taken to the magic school and finds himself in a sorting ceremony. After watching several others being sorted into different houses ("Braves,""Smarts," and "Snakes"), Wayne tells another student waiting how nervous he is to be sorted and ponders if he has enough personality to be sorted. The student is revealed to be the same boy from the beginning (Harry Potter) who is called up and sorted into the Brave house. McGonnagal, who is overseeing the sorting, then notices Wayne and calls him up. The hat sorts him in the "Puff" category and he is immediately booed by someone. The Narrator reveals that the Puffs were not seen as the smartest or most interesting group in the school which resulted in many disregarding their abilities. He then transports the audience to the Puff common room.

The Puffs, who are all extremely excited to be at the school, go around and introduce themselves. After everyone else, Megan introduces herself declaring that her being put into the Puff house was a mistake and that she should be with the Snakes. Finally, Cedric shows up and introduces himself as the group leader. He quickly informs the group that they could be laughed at, made fun of, or even cursed but quickly assures them that they are all happy and fun people. He then tells them about the house cup which is awarded to the best house every year and tells them that even though the Puffs have never won, he has hope that they will win or at least get third place. He tells them that in order to win, they have to win points (which are handed out for good behavior). They all go to bed but Megan walks out to go be with the Snakes. Wayne tries to stop her in an effort to avoid losing points but she leaves anyway. Wayne and Oliver bond in the fact that they are both new to the school and magic itself and while Oliver worries about the difficulty of magic, Wayne reassures him. However, after a day of unsuccessful classes and many lost points, Wayne begins to lose hope. The Narrator then takes the audience to the Halloween feast but the festivities are quickly ruined when someone tells the Puffs that there's a troll in the dungeon and they are all forced to go back to their common room. Everyone goes to bed but Wayne and Oliver notice that Megan is missing and go to find her.

Megan is seen wondering around a forbidden chamber and sees a creepy mirror but is reassured when she finds it's only her teacher friend "A Fat Friar." Megan complains about being in the Puffs and missing her mom. The Narrator quickly introduces Megan's mom, Xavia Jones, who is in WizPriz (wizard prison) for her communication with the dark lord. Megan finds Wayne and Oliver and quickly assumes that they were spying on her but just when she's about to use and evil spell on them, Wayne recommends that they should all be friends and make the best of being in the Puffs. She agrees and lets them go but before they leave, they all look into the mirror, where they see their greatest desires. Wayne sees that he becomes a hero, Oliver becomes a famous mathematician, and Megan sees her mom escaping and reuniting with her. As they are about to leave, they are caught by Professor Sproutty who scolds them for being in a forbidden area but quickly awards them points when Megan tells them that her friends came to save her from the troll. Sometime later, Cedric runs into Wayne and thanks him for inspiring the Puffs to earn more points. At the end of the year, the headmaster announces that the Puffs came in third place, above the Braves, and they celebrate. The Narrator quickly announces that the headmaster decides to award some questionable points just so that the Braves will win and, by default, the Puffs come in fourth place. At first, they are all heartbroken but Leanne reminds them that "we're wizards!" and they celebrate.

The Narrator introduces the second year where a giant snake attacks the whole school. After another day of disappointing classes, Oliver begins to cry and then yells at another student for taking pictures of him. Later on Halloween, Wayne and Megan run into Oliver telling him that a secret chamber has been opened, there's a monster, and that she's into books. The defense teacher takes matters into his own hands and begins a dueling club. He selects Draco Malfoy and Potter to duel and when Malfoy casts a snake spell, it is revealed that Harry can talk to snakes. Everyone gets terrified and runs back to the Puff common room. After J Finch worries about dying, Ernie quickly advises him not to leave the room, and Finch agrees but leaves anyway. While he is out in a hallway, he and one of his teachers become frozen due to shock when they see the snake. the trio sneak into the hallway and after Wayne suggests that Megan take Oliver to safety, he plans to kill the monster himself and become the hero of the school. He, however, gets distracted by Ginny. Later it is revealed that Harry killed the monster and everyone goes home. In year three, Megan reveals that a masked murder is in the school and that she thinks it's her mom who has come to rescue her. She also announces that she is going to hang out with the Braves that year instead of Wayne and Oliver. Leanne invites them to her slumber party and Sally walks in thinking that the boys are throwing it. She takes off her glasses to get a clearer look at the invitation, and the boys quickly find her attractive. After more classes, the Narrator takes the audience to the night of Leanne's sleepover. Cedric arrives and tells them a bedtime story about how the magic school was founded. Before he can get to the part of the story about the Puffs, they are told to go to bed by the headmaster. The trio remains awake and Megan tells them how she feels like a disappointment to her mother. But she feels better after a Puff hug. The headmaster once again arrives to remind them of their field trip the next day where they all get drunk on Butterbeer.

The Narrator introduces year four where the school is holding a special three wizard tournament with a french school and an intimidating German school. Later, names are drawn from a fire cup to decide who from the magic school will participate alongside the other schools. Cedric's name is drawn but the excitement is quickly halted when Potter's name is drawn as well. Later, Cedric prepares for the tournament by casting spells on different members of the Puffs. Wayne interrupts to give Cedric a book Wayne made featuring all kinds of different creatures Cedric might have to face during the first challenge. The first challenge is held: the student must take the golden egg from a dragon's lair. Cedric uses a spell to turn a rock into a puppy in order to distract the dragon (a spell from Wayne's book) and comes in second place, just behind Potter. A school dance is announced and once Wayne gets a date with Leanne, he suggests that Megan go with Oliver. They awkwardly agree, leave and Cedric approaches Wayne with the golden egg. He tells Wayne that the egg just screams when he tries to open it and Wayne jokingly suggest that he solve it in a bathtub, but Cedric agrees and goes to do so. In the bathroom, he encounters Mrytle but he escapes underwater and finally hears the key in the egg: mermaids steal your friends and decides that this will be the second challenge. Later on Christmas, the ball takes place and Megan and Oliver awkwardly attempt to talk. They dance quickly to a slow song and then the scene moves to the second challenge which proves to be quite boring, but Cedric wins so they celebrate anyway. Later, Wayne struggles with a spell and Cedric helps him out while also telling him the struggle of being a Puff but how eventually, failure becomes practice. Cedric promises Wayne that he will teach him all the magic he knows after the third challenge and Wayne excitedly runs off. On the day of the third challenge, the Puffs eagerly stand in the stands and watch Cedric cross through the finish line and run to congratulate him. But before they can, the Narrator announces that it is time for the intermission.

The Narrator begins the act where it left off. Cedric crosses the finish line and they go to see him but they find him laying on the floor and eventually realize that he died. After the headmaster addresses the school, the Narrator brings the audience into year five where all the Puffs are still mourning. They make a promise to not be "too sad" but it is quickly broken when a drunk Wayne enters yelling that there is no purpose because they are just Puffs. He runs off angrily and bumps into Potter who has been having troubles with his friends too. Wayne tells him that friends suck and Potter agrees; Wayne finally begins to understand Potter as a person. Meanwhile, some of the Puffs have been inducted into Albus' Army and practice their fainting spells, unintentionally fainting each other. The Narrator skips to the end of the year where Megan and Oliver awkwardly try to talk but end up making out in the hallway. Wayne interrupts and breaks up the moment to ask for their forgiveness. However, right as they become friends again, the Puffs tell the audience that the Dark Lord has returned and that nobody is safe. The trio sighs and leave the school for summer break, and the Narrator brings the audience into a dark lair where Mr. Voldy is revealed. Voldy reveals his plans to take over the school and kill everyone. He dismisses everyone but keeps behind one of his Death Buddies who is revealed to be Xavia Jones, freshly escaped from WizPriz. Voldy tells her to go into the school and take Megan away and they run off cackling. The Narrator brings the audience into year six.

The trio exchange grades they got in their classes and Megan tells Wayne that he has to get a girlfriend before the year is done. Just as he's about to say no, a group of Puffs all run by with dates and Wayne accepts that he needs someone. He vows to his friends that he will be focusing on dates and sports only that year, and not with any magic. Later, Wayne is at the sports tryouts with several other Puffs. After a brief tryout session with the rude department lead, Zach Smith, Sally attempts to flirt with Wayne. Though at first she is unsuccessful, he asks her out and he agrees. Elsewhere, Megan is looking around with a note she thought was written by Oliver. However, Xavia surprises her and leads her hostage to the same corridor with the mirror. Wayne and Sally are quickly seen on their date, where they have just been running around the school. She leans in for a kiss and he kisses her, but she takes him by surprise by jumping on top of him. He at first questions if they are allowed to do that but she tells him that no one ever thought the Puffs would do anything so there are no rules against it. She even tells him that they didn't get the special teenage magic talk taught by Mr. Snape. She then takes him by the arm and drags him off.

The Narrator brings the audience back to the corridor where Megan and Oliver are found being held hostage. Wayne runs in on them (attempting to hide from Sally) and gets caught to. Xavia once again appears having taken all of their wands, leaving them defenseless. She tells Megan that it's time for her to take Megan out of the school but quickly takes back the statement. She tells Megan that she is nothing but a Puff and that she is a disgrace to her mother. Megan tries to prove her wrong by taking her wand and begins to cast an evil spell on her friends, but she finds that she can't. Xavia, angrily, takes back her wand and begins to say the death spell in front of all three of them. She gets the spell wrong several times and Megan realizes that Xavia is also a Puff. Xavia quickly takes them back in a flashback to prove that the Dark Lord brought her into his evil army but once the flashback is over, she accidentally releases them. Megan finally proves her point and Wayne finally uses his magic to get all the wands from Xavia. She vows that they will regret this and vanishes. The trio celebrates that they beat Xavia but Megan quickly becomes sad realizing that her mother is just a Puff and not what she thought. They comfort her and all find that they're standing in front of the same mirror. But instead of their original wishes, they just find themselves as friends in the mirror. Later, they are all practicing their magic when they see a skull fall from the sky and realize that the headmaster is dead. They hold a short memorial and go home for the summer.

Through a series of letters, Oliver reveals to his friends that for his own safety, he will not be going back to school for the last year. Once the year begins, Wayne and Megan find that it is very hard to get on without Oliver. But their worries are quickly forgotten when the Puffs announce that Harry has returned to fight the Dark Lord and they all rush to the great hall to meet him. They are soon interrupted by Mr. Voldy over the loud speaker, who tells everyone to bring him Harry or that there will be consequences. Harry runs off to find a tiara and the Puffs debate what to do. They eventually come to the consensus that they can't fix anything because they are "just Puffs" so decide to go home. But Leanne steps up for the group telling them once again that "we're wizards!" and they all agree to help, even Megan after some encouragement. They all leave to fight against Voldy and his army and all get a moment to show their skills. Just when Megan and Wayne are in trouble, Oliver shows up to help them. Xavia also sneaks in and Megan tells her friends that she wants to fight alone. Xavia finally kills one of the death buddies but immediately feels guilty and accepts that she's a Puff. Megan and her make up, and Xavia gives Megan her wand. Sally, in an attempt to cast a spell, finally puts her glasses back on but is killed anyway. J Finch, in an effort to save Ernie Mac, also dies. Leanne fights multiple death buddies at once but is ultimately killed. The trio sneaks back in and when confronted, are saved by their house elf. But when Harry walks by, Voldy kills Wayne thinking it was Harry.

Wayne appears in a white train station with the headmaster. They have a conversation where Wayne complains about how his life meant nothing to anyone else and how no one will remember him. The headmaster notes that sometimes, people are the heroes in their own story and in their own way. He then politely asks if Wayne can go so he can meet Harry and Wayne goes, but not before asking what the point of the school was. The Headmaster casts one more spell revealing the flag Wayne was given in the sorting ceremony. He accepts his fate and wonders off into the distance. Harry appears and gives the headmaster a hug before the stage goes dark. The Narrator walks out once again concluding the story, but he tells the audience that in some way, they are all puffs. Before he leaves, he takes the audience to one last location.

A now grown up Megan walks through a train station where she meets with her husband, grown up Oliver. They freak out when they realize that neither of them has their child but they find him. The boy is revealed to be none other than the Narrator, now a twelve year old named Wayne. His parents tell him that while the school may be scary and sometimes dangerous, they tell him that he is named after a fearless fighter and send him off on the train. Oliver asks her what house she thinks he'll be placed in and she replies with "I have a pretty good idea..." Wayne Jr. is seen in the sorting ceremony where he sits on the stool and the hat is placed on his head. He looks out to the audience and smiles.

• Wayne Hopkins; a nerdy wizard boy from New Mexico.
• Oliver Rivers; a mathematician wizard from New Jersey.
• Megan Jones; daughter of the infamous Xavia Jones who thinks she should be in the Snakes house.
• Narrator/Wayne Rivers-Jones; A graduated Puff from the magic school who retells the story of his parents and their friends.
• Cedric Diggory; the lead Puff at the magic school.
• Mr. Voldy; an evil and dark lord who wants to take over the school and kill Harry.
• Mr. Potter; a famous student in the Brave house who kills magical beats and constantly steals opportunities from the Puffs.
• Susie Bones; a Puff who lives in fear of death, due to the fact that her entire family died.
• J Finch; a "boyish and sassy" Puff.
• Sally Perks; a timid Puff who just wants to belong at the school.
• Ernie Mac; a very confident Puff.
• Hannah; a quite shy Puff who gets made fun of by the other houses.
• Leanne; a crazy Puff who grew up as an only child and wants to be friends with everybody.

• Colin
• Harry
• Hermeoone #2
• Ric Gryff
• Myrtle

• Uncle Dave
• Goyle
• A Fat Friar
• Clumsy Longbottom
• Hermeoone #3
• Viktor
• Mr. Bagman
• Zach Smith

• Hermioone #1
• Blondo Malfoy
• Rowena
• Rita Scooter
• Dragon
• Bippy

• A Very Tall Man
• Seamus Finnagan
• A Certain Potions Teacher
• Professor Turban
• Ghost History Teach
• Professor Locky
• Mr. Nick
• Sal
• 2nd Headmaster
• Real Mr. Moody

• 1st Heasmaster
• Professor McG
• Professor Sproutty
• Xavia Jones
• Professor Lanny
• Runes Teach
• Ms. Babble

• Anthony Goldstein
• Ginny
• Helga
• Frenchy

*Death Buddies are played by all*